#143 – David Guetta

27 05 2010

Christian Audigier is far more of a menace than we at Things Bogans Like could possibly have imagined. Sure, we knew that he has made a career out of repackaging the creative talents of others, turning up the glitz, and selling the end product to the bogan for incredibly high prices. Sure, we knew he is an evil genius who will only rest once all of the world’s bogan bucks are in his possession. But we didn’t know he could shapeshift.

A few years ago, Audigier, the middle-aged Frenchman, started spending some of his time in the form of David Guetta, a middle-aged Frenchman. Pleased with his new capacity to profiteer from the bogan’s auditory system, Audiguetta settled down to his new task. After some initial trial and error, he realised in 2003 that a series of compilation albums from Ibiza called “Fuck Me I’m Famous” would accord perfectly with the bogan’s concept of celebrity. But the sales results in English-speaking countries remained poor. There was something missing.

In 2006 more progress was made. Guetta impacted on US and Australian charts for the first time with, wait for it, a mash-up OF a remix. This concept amazed the bogan, who previously thought it possible to only butcher a song once before moving on to something else. By now full of confidence, Guetta returned to his Audigi-cave and readied himself for his greatest feat of evil.

In the spring of 2009, Guetta cursed the world with “One Love”, an album that shared its name with a bogan-cherished clubbing institution in Melbourne and Sydney. The album featured the vocals of the second hottest chick from Destiny’s Child, the non-chick from Black Eyed Peas, and other super celeb RnB stars. The bogan was hooked. This sample-laden effort had all of the anthemic choruses that the bogan needed for its clubbing purposes, with the third single from the album being directed by someone who goes by the name of “X”. The album racked up three top ten singles in Australia, with “Sexy Bitch” going all the way to number one. The song, three minutes and eighteen seconds in length, repeats the phrase “sexy bitch” 19 times (or once every 10.42 seconds, for the mathematically minded). In effect, this offers the bogan male 19 opportunities to try its chances with femme bogues, finger-gunning one female per “sexy bitch”, and checking for its reaction. The pre-chorus of the song outlines Akon’s struggles, where he tries “to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful”, before settling on “damn you’s a sexy bitch” as a satisfactory means to achieving his goal. Despite Christian Audigier providing the bogan with a soundtrack to accompany its attempts to cajole females into granting it anal sex, the male’s Saturday night concludes with it performing “the stranger” while sitting on the edge of its bed.


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246 responses

27 05 2010
Jim Jams

Dave Guetta, music whore and dead set cock. Bogan icon? Hardly. Alot of accurate facts regardless.

27 05 2010
Robbie

I’m guilty of enjoying some of David Guetta’s tracks…it’s taken me until #143 to realise I’m a closet bogan 😦

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. And, by the way, Kelly Rowland is NOT the second hottest chick from Destiny’s Child, she’s THE hottest.

The bogan entirely equates level of hotness with level of fame. Beyonce is hotter, QED. TBL

27 05 2010
Jim Jams

LOL. Kelly Rowland is the third hottest. Beyonce is second.

Beyonce’s booteh is first. By a long way.

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I can at least understand the argument for Beyonce, but NOT Michelle Williams!

27 05 2010
James

What is a Destiny’s Child?

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Oh James! Only the biggest selling female R’n’B trio EVAH! And they contain two gorgeous women. First and foremost, Kelly Rowland, then Beyonce Knowles and last and most certainly least, Michelle Williams.

27 05 2010
James

Oh okay. That explains why I have never heard of them. I learn so much about the so-called “real world” from this blog.

Thanks Fiona. I had always thought of you as an Elgar fan, for some reason.

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. This is my point – my higher degree in the Classics allows me to inhabit many world comfortably.

And Mahler James – wouldn’t you simply die without Mahler?

27 05 2010
James

Life would certainly not be the same. I am constantly surprised by your good taste Fiona.

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I can’t think why! You should be surprised if I ever exhibit poor taste. Which I don’t.

27 05 2010
James

I will reserve judgment on that until I manage to hear something from this Destiny’s Child. Assuming you like their music, and not just their “gorgeous women”, that is.

27 05 2010
Shirley M

Here you go, James.

Not only is this their best song, the clip proves conclusively that Beyonce is the hottest one.

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I suggest “Soldier” to you James: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5bbcGlx4A8

I like it when the boys be on their ‘Lac leaning open they mouth their grillz gleaming…

27 05 2010
James

Thanks ladies. To be honest, I do not feel qualified to comment in any detail on either the women or the music . Firstly, I do not know which one Beyonce is (sorry Shirley). That said, the woman on the right (with the curly hair) for most of Fiona’s suggestion is noticeably less attractive than the other two. Secondly, I have nothing against which to compare the music. Thus, I am deferring judgment to you, and will accept what you say about this being good.

27 05 2010
Shirley M

Beyonce is the hot one, James!

Contrary to what Fiona would have you believe, you require no qualifications to decide whether or not you like a song, or whether or not some bitch is hot.

27 05 2010
Thomas

That crap isn’t R&B. Ray Charles, John Lee Hooker, Albert King, Otis Redding, Aretha Franklin etc. They are R&B-rhythm and blues!

27 05 2010
Shirley M

Who is Mahler?

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Ugh! GUSTAV Mahler! Good Lord, what sort of education have you had?

27 05 2010
Shirley M

Oh that Mahler. Forgive me, I thought we were still talking about pop music and hot bitches.

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Well, that would exclude any discussion of Lady Gaga.

27 05 2010
Shirley M

Indeed it would.

27 05 2010
common man

gorgeous..to who??..things blacks like.blog

27 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Hey CM, did you ever track down Rachael Maree Cohan?

27 05 2010
common man

that rich socalite acussed of swindling millions to live a lavish life in toorak yes…in other words fi’s adress..lol!!

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. cm, you’re back. I’ve missed you terribly. Never leave us again.

27 05 2010
common man

xoxox

27 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Ah, love is grand.

27 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

I’m a metalhead, but fully admit to performing the Stranger to the Single Ladies video (sound off). I can only imagine Kanye did as well.

27 05 2010
Robbie

but to the bogan, she’s less famous therefore less hot

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. But Kelly is equally famous in Australia, surely?

27 05 2010
vivisection

she was on Rove every other week

27 05 2010
Tombarina

Robbie and TBL, I pish and tush your argument re the inexorability of the alignment of fame and hotness.

Exhibit A: P!nk. She’s so famous here, she’s virtually an Ozbogue.

But I don’t think many would agree that she’s hotter than any of Destiny’s trio of genetically-blessed offspring. Or, indeed, Ri-Ri or even (and flog me with a limp vanilla pod for this) Delta.

27 05 2010
Benjamin

I’d prefer to cut you down with a herring, but that’s neither here not there.

But I think you are right – to turn the argument around a bit there are very famous folks (inc Musicians) who are somewhat less than hot, but still admired by Bogans.

I’m not going to name any. Really as looks have nothing to do with the quality of music (besides often being negatively correlated) – I couldn’t give a stuff anyhow.

27 05 2010
Shirley M

Bwahahahahahaha! As IF, Fiona!

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I am far more competent to judge this, seeing as how I have a higher degree in the Classics.

27 05 2010
Shirley M

I am constantly amazed at just how many things, seemingly unrelated to the classics, or indeed intellectual thought, you are more competent to judge!

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. This is because, sans the benefit of a higher degree in the Classics, you are unable to judge how worthy and useful it actually is. It’s like one of those swords with two edges – you know, a double-edged sword…

27 05 2010
Shirley M

So I assume that you apply some kind of learned criteria in making such judgements of relative hotness? I implore your benevolent self to share with us lesser people the mechanics of making these judgements.

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. It’s whoever makes my lady parts tingle the mostest. 🙂

27 05 2010
Shirley M

In that case, I can assure you that you do not need a higher degree in the Classics to be qualified to judge hotness.

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You do if you think Beyonce is hotter than Kelly! ❤

27 05 2010
Shirley M

I honestly cannot see how a higher degree in the Classics would have any bearing on the ‘tingling of my lady parts’, Fi.

I am willing to accept that your education is superior to mine, but I’ll be damned if I accept that your lady parts are superior to mine!

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You’ll just have to take it as given then. 🙂

27 05 2010
Shirley M

Never!

27 05 2010
SD

Umm, discussing manufactured girl bands like Destiny’s Child seems a bit bogan. Next we will be discussing – I don’t know – Kerry Katona?

Fi is I think a pomo classics “scholar”-she seems to know more about pop culture than your classic classics.

27 05 2010
Benjamin

Great. You’re comparing lady parts.

Should us guys get out the rulers now?

27 05 2010
Shirley M

I was simply pointing out to Fiona that her higher degree in the Classics and the tingling of her lady parts are in no way connected.

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. In your case Benjamin, I’d suggest a micrometer.

27 05 2010
Benjamin

Oh grow up Fiona. Deary deary me.

Your higher degree in the classics can’t seem to stop you being a clown at times.

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. It’s part of my gift – having the “common touch”.

27 05 2010
Benjamin

Well, Fiona, you stink at it. You have overshot and ended up neck deep in the dross.

Go have a wash.

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Sheesh. Someone’s a bit touchy today… Hit a nerve I expect.

27 05 2010
Benjamin

The nerve you hit is the one that still has respect for you, Fiona. It’s troubled.

You should be better than this. Please raise your standards to your former glory – it would appear that association with us has turned you into a bit of a… well… Bogan.

27 05 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
you misspelled “moistest ?

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. How is it possible for you to know when something is not spelled correctly?

27 05 2010
brad

You are definitely female Fi,in spite of foul slander and viscous rumours!

27 05 2010
Shirley M

I beginning to suspect she’s not human at all. I thought everyone agreed that Beyonce was the sexiest bitch evah.

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Well duh…

27 05 2010
Your Mother

I personally think that she’s a moderator, designed to get people commenting on the post. And I think it’s debatable whether she’s female

27 05 2010
James Hunter

Brad ,
When Fi said to use a micrometer, Maybe she ment that you are not a “Foot soldier”

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You mean “Beyonce”, but I still disagree with you TBL!

27 05 2010
Sibyl Ince

Is TBL now broadcasting in a foreign language, as I understood nary a single word of the above. If I didn’t know better I’d think the poacher has become the gamekeeper. As the dragons would say: “I’m out”.

27 05 2010
Pete

Ah “the stranger” reference again – that cracks me up everytime!

27 05 2010
Tombarina

Thirty years ago, David G was the class nerd who only got invited to parties because he owned a gi-normous ghetto blaster.

Little has changed. He might be going to the cool (?!?), grown-up (?!?) parties, but the other kids are laughing at him, not with him.

And he’s still a virgin.

27 05 2010
Melissa

Fuck You! David Guetta is great, and will remain great for his musical talents. Akon should be shot, and disrespected by repeated Anal sex for his song. Please dont get it so wrong again. Akon is responsible for those lyrics, if you didnt read the black in them then you are obviously way off the mark. And if my comments make me a bogan.. GOOD! What makes you so sure that youre not? Is it your ability to put them down, lump them all in the same basket. Or just your obsession with Anal Sex, which seems to come up in this blog almost daily. Hmm.. so are you a bogan for giving it or receiving it, because im sure you are into both.

So you make two anal jokes, as distinct from our one joke, then accuse us of an obsession with it. Right. And I’m pretty sure there is no Akon in the above clip. TBL

27 05 2010
Jim Jams

And here you’ve run into the female bogan in her natural habitat. Stay a safe distance as this one is clearly on her period and could pounce again at any time.

27 05 2010
Glass 'em all

Or she’s been denied anal sex twice this week.

27 05 2010
Jim Jams

Well we all know there is only one available watering hole for her bogan male friends when the other one is ‘out of action’ for a while… she would have to deal with hourly begging for pooper sex, a decent reason to be upset.

27 05 2010
TheMon

Jim Jams you are hilarious.. pooper sex.. haha. Many a bogan has the ‘sexy bitch’ ringtone on his mobile, which is of course set to ring whenever Shai-lah or Shar-leean feels like a whinge.

27 05 2010
Tone

You know what they say: “If there’s blood on the road, take the dirt track”.

27 05 2010
Sibyl Ince

If there was any doubt at all that this is a Strayan forum, you just cleared that up.

27 05 2010
Trevor

That’s some excellent rage. This is serious business.

27 05 2010
Shirley M

You’re using the term ‘joke’ a little loosely for my liking, TBL.

27 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Shirl,

I suspect Melissa’s tramp stamp says highway to hell in chinese characters.

27 05 2010
Shirley M

I thought her tramp stamp was probably just an arrow. But perhaps you’re right.

27 05 2010
vivisection

or it may be any of the following in Chinese:

“Swipe card for entry”

“Insert coin to start ride”

“Honk if you’re Horny”

“Please take a number and wait to be called”

“Transit Lane”

oh i must stop.

27 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Please leave your shoes at the door.

27 05 2010
vivisection

lol !!

27 05 2010
vivisection

“You can leave your hat on”

27 05 2010
vivisection

or “When Love Takes Over”

27 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Stairway to heaven.

27 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I love butthole surfers.

27 05 2010
Shirley M

Let me tell you a true story. My paramour had a workmate who had a Japanese girlfriend, who had a tramp stamp which was a playboy bunny. Apparently, this workmate got endless pleasure out of playing ‘shoot the bunny’.

27 05 2010
vivisection

A row of ducks would be a good challenge

27 05 2010
vivisection

No doubt he would be tempted to throw coconuts though.

27 05 2010
Bag O'Turnips

More like cock’n’arse for them.

27 05 2010
Shirley M

Ha! Or one of those clowns whose mouths you put the balls in. Can tattooists do holograms?

27 05 2010
vivisection

No but give her skin 60 years and i’m sure some kind of mouth would form. Too far?

27 05 2010
Shirley M

She could go by the name of Gai Ping Hol.

27 05 2010
vivisection

Actually a quick application of lipstick in the right location back there and some googly eyes and i’m sure something could be improvised.

27 05 2010
Shirley M

Among your many other admirable qualities Viv, we can now add innovative to the list!

27 05 2010
brad

Plinth

27 05 2010
vivisection

You can call me the McGyver of Filth

27 05 2010
vivisection

Brad , I’m not sure if we can teach it to speak? That would take a lot of practice

27 05 2010
vivisection

But we can call it Eliza Dolittle and call in Professor Henry Higgins to try!

27 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Pffftttt.

27 05 2010
vivisection

I’m pretty sure it could say that already Simon.

28 05 2010
Melissa

Noticed todays post had no anal reference. Did someone hit a nerve?

28 05 2010
Shirley M

It’s just not the same without an ‘up the bum’ joke, is it Melissa? Don’t worry, there’s always next weeks posts to look forward to.

28 05 2010
Johnny

Are you kidding? I work in night clubs and there is nothing that gets the bogans fist pumping more than David Guetta! He’s a completely untalented hack. His breakthrough hit was “David Guetta vs The Egg – Love Don’t Let Me Go” which was actually just the Tocadisco remix of The Egg with an acapella from his song over the top. An acapella that he didn’t sing, so he contributed nothing to the song. And what’s with him always grinning and fiddling with knobs during the films clips!

27 05 2010
Tone

I’ve learned something new today. Thanks, TBL. I’d like to think that either (a) Muse or (b) Auto-Tune will be next on TBL’s musical radar.

28 05 2010
fishmouse

How about the King of Autotune, T.Pain?

27 05 2010
Shirley M

I feel good about the fact that I have never heard of this dude before.

27 05 2010
Tombarina

He really is a spanker, Shirl. An uber-spanker.

And he has lank hair – never a good look.

27 05 2010
brad

Perhaps Richard Wilkins should see his hair stylist!

27 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

With you there Shirl, I feel like a better and well rounded person for not knowing who he is.

Melissa, come back, did someone say something mean?

27 05 2010
Ian

“…the male’s Saturday night concludes with it performing “the stranger” while sitting on the edge of its bed.”

Ah, memories…

27 05 2010
Lol-plates

If the bogan likes “dance” music does this mean they will take away my angerfist, neophyte and RTC (I know they are old but we seem to get music stuff later)? If so sad face….

27 05 2010
Jim Jams

Neophyte!

HOW DOES IT FEEEEEL!

27 05 2010
James

I get that – its a Dylan reference, right?

27 05 2010
vivisection

or the opening of Bizarre Love Triangle?

27 05 2010
James Hunter

Viv,
Is that the same as thr “map of Tasmania” ?

27 05 2010
Kate

No, it’s from Blue Monday, the most successful single from New Order.

BTW, there used to be 4 girls in Destiny’s Child. The little known one left the group for some reason and had a failed solo career. I think her name is Cherise or something.

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Not for “some reason”. Because two of the original members, LaTavia Roberson and LeToya Luckett couldn’t get along with the band’s manager, Matthew Knowles: Beyonce’s father.

They felt (probably rightly) that he was making Beyonce the focus of the band.

So, they left and Michelle Williams joined – presumably they let her in because she was WAY less cuter than Beyonce or Kelly.

The song “Survivor” is a diss track Beyonce wrote about Roberson and Luckett for which she was suitably chastised by the Courts.

27 05 2010
Kate

Ah, I see.

27 05 2010
vivisection

thanks Kate, I spent about 30 seconds thinking, Blue Monday or Bizarre Love Triangle?? Should have checked the ipod first…

27 05 2010
Shirley M

Still.. I’m with James and maintain it’s Dylan. The FEEEEEL kinda gives it away.

27 05 2010
amr

I must lead a sheltered life.

Never heard of him or any of the music.

27 05 2010
pb

i’ve heard the name but that’s it. i plan on keeping it that way.

27 05 2010
Gregbie

Not sheltered. Worthy. Both you and Shirley.

27 05 2010
Jay

Nor I. Sometimes I read this blog and feel like I must be living under a log… and for that I am truly grateful.

27 05 2010
pb
28 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ amr I am so thrilled that I had no idea who or what this tool was/is?

Don’t you feel fantastic!! 😉

27 05 2010
Will S

Great to see the stranger making another appearance 🙂

27 05 2010
SD

Well then now I know why I am assailed by wails of “disrespectful’ every single bloody time I walk into a store or by the “new and improved” Pitt Street Mall (which really is a thing of bogueness all by itself).

27 05 2010
BonoScotto

Who? Is this the shit they play as bg music in bogan consumer institutions like just cuts and boast juice?

Never heard of him, thank you very much.

27 05 2010
Weetbix

..After the bogue sees the power that this banal cheese has over the shiny teriyaki bronzed femme-bogue, he purchases the latest state of the art CDJs, mixer and Serato (which he doesn’t know how to switch on, let alone beatmatch on) from his mining salary in an attempt to be the next superstar DJ. Here he can put on the latest Ministry of Sound CD and pretend to mix whilst waving his huge tribal tattooed arms wildly in the air and perfecting the Jesus pose.

And unfortunately I have had the displeasure of watching David Guetta “mix” it was like watching a mime show with more lights and surrounded by zoo animals chewing their faces off. Vomit.

27 05 2010
martin

I stopped keeping up with music in about 1999. One of the songs from around that time summed the state of the industry up well and nothing has changed.

I’m rockin’ the suburbs
Just like Michael Jackson did
I’m rockin’ the suburbs
Except that he was talented
I’m rockin’ the suburbs
I take the checks and face the facts
That some producer with computers
fixes all my shitty tracks

Ben Folds – Rockin’ The Suburbs

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/rockin%27-the-suburbs-lyrics-ben-folds/7f5628ac2417b70a48256de9002e37da

One thing that astounded me is how so many of my bogan friends so eagerly adopted all this techno/dance/rap crap even though it’s destroyed a whole industry and left it completely barren and anyone with half a brain could see that would be the end result. I guess they saw music as merely an accompaniment for anal. Like how greensleeves is an accompaniment for icecream.

27 05 2010
Shirley M

I don’t think it’s fair to say all techno/dance/rap is crap, Martin.

27 05 2010
pb

nor is the music industry completely barren.

27 05 2010
Shirley M

Yeah, that too.

27 05 2010
James

After all, Bob Dylan released Together Through Life last year.

27 05 2010
Shirley M

I haven’t listened to it yet. Is it any good?

27 05 2010
James

Depends. If you liked Modern Times, you’ll love the new album.

27 05 2010
martin

You’ve also got that sexy woman on Hey Hey playing the violin. Yeah. I watched Hey Hey a few weeks ago. All of it. I think.

27 05 2010
Benjamin

I must agree with Shirley here.

I haven’t listened to every techno/dance/rap recording ever made, so I can’t possibly say they are all crap. 😉

27 05 2010
TheMon

It all depends on which drugs you are taking..

27 05 2010
vivisection

I think you need to consider electronica as a separate genre, and then the statement that a lot of techno is crap , is close to fair. I personally like old style trance (FSOL, LSD), early Drum and Bass, and avant stuff like Aphex Twin, but can’t bear anything that is associated with the” uplifting , house vocal” style of mindless chewing gum for the ears.

27 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Ahh Vivi, for the first time ever I have to disagree with you.

Trance, the good stuff (1999-2005) is some of the best trance stuff you’ll hear. Agnelli and Nelson, Armin Van Buuren, Carl Cox, etc etc are some of my idols, great people too.

I do have a love for trance, but I become despondent when I hear the shit they play and have the nerve to a) call it dance music b) say it’s “good trance”.

But that’s just me, cheesy handbag trance is for bogans and hipsters…

8 05 2015
powerlounge

Chemical Brothers really got the Trance ball rolling with “Surrender” back in 1997? It just took a year or two for everyone else to catch up to them, as usual 😉

28 05 2010
Elitist Coffee Lover

All music is shit after the late 90’s, and anyone who disagrees is a bogan frankly.
Because all music genres were invented in the 60s/70’s and nothings really progressed since the real music died. IE:

Progressive Rock: Pink floyd, the strawbs, king krimson, emerson lake and palmer.
Glam Rock: David Bowie, T rex, Gary Glitter
Punk Rock: The Romones, Sex Pistols, The Buzzcocks
Metal: Motorhead, early Matallica, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Ozzy Osbourne
Hard Rock: Led Zeppelin. Deep purple, Alice cooper
Disco: Donna Summer, Chic, The Trammps, Fatback band etc
Electronica/Dance: Gary Numan, Kraftwerk, Cerrone
R&B: Al Green, Kool and the Gang, Curtis Mayfield, the o’jays.
Rap: run dmc, grandmaster flash.
Pop: ELO, Elton John.

Therefore anyone who cares to know useless facts of destiny’s child, David Guetta or Akon is bogan. And If you like trance youre just a druggie.

28 05 2010
Shirley M

All music genres were invented in the 60/70s?

You sir, are an ignoramus.

Punk/hard/progressive/glam are all offshoots of ROCK. Rock was NOT invented in the 60s or 70s

And I’ll think you’ll find that R&B goes back much further than the 60s and 70s, and rap did not emerge until the 80s.

You have also neglected to mention such genres as jazz, funk and folk, which date before your ‘musical double decade of invention’, not to mention the genres such as hip hop that have come after it.

28 05 2010
Shirley M

Ahem…

Right. So I’m celebrating my birthday tonight, and I’m a bit jovial. And in the car on the way home from dinner I had a flashback to a moment that is relevant to this bullshit ‘all music was invented in the 60s/70s’ argument. A few years ago, let’s say 2006, a friend of mine tried to argue that in the last 20 years, no music worth listening to had been released. Rather than argue with him, I went home and made him a CD. I am going to list the tracks I put on that CD here:

The Distance – Cake
Yeah Yeah Yeah Song – The Flaming Lips
Jo Jo’s Jacket – Stephen Malkmus
Common People – Pulp
Look Good In Leather – Cody Chestnutt
Female of the Species – Space
Underground – Ben Folds Five
My Name is Jonas – Weezer
Kyle Quit the Band – Tenacious D
Gamble Everything for Love – Ben Lee
Girl – Beck
Loser – NERD feat. Clipse
99 Problems – Jay Z
Heartbeats – The Knife
If I Ever Feel Better – Phoenix
You Are The Everything – REM
Get Myself Arrested – Gomez
Grace Kelly Blues – Eels
Computer Camp Love – Data Rock
Buenos Tardes Amigo – Ween

So there! xoxo

28 05 2010
pb

pulp! lately i’ve been having quite a love affair with different class. such a great album. don’t know all the other songs you’ve listed, but some great ones there.
i fully accept people having particular tastes where they prefer certain decades of music, but for someone like mr elitist there to say no good music has been made in more than a decade? come on – sigur ros, andrew bird, lcd soundsystem, elbow (to name a few of my likes), to say none of these have any talent just suggests you’re deaf.

28 05 2010
pb

and happy birthday, shirley.

28 05 2010
Shirley M

Thanks poppet 🙂

29 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Happy birthday shirl!!

29 05 2010
Eletist Coffee Lover

You have completely missed my point.
I know it’s a tough one to argue cos everyone has their own taste.

All im doing is comparing dacades generally. I mentioned bands who created their own genre of music. The band’s you mention are great but it’s all been done before. You know, like how Cody Chestnutt is a great soul singer but he sounds just like Donny Hathaway who was around 30 years previous. I admit the 90’s rocked with REM, the eels are great and Pulp invented Britpop. But it’s got nothing on what happend 60’s/70’s and most music critics agree with this.

Hip hop was invented in the late 70’s in NY. Isaac Hayes and the sugerhill gang were the pioneers. And youre comparing Jay Z to this? Honestly.

29 05 2010
Shirley M

‘All music is shit after the late 90′s, and anyone who disagrees is a bogan frankly.
Because all music genres were invented in the 60s/70′s and nothings really progressed since the real music died’.

I didn’t miss your point. Perhaps you expressed yourself very poorly.

I’m not comparing Jay Z to anything.

29 05 2010
pb

where has sigur ros been done before? where has andrew bird been done before? where has tv on the radio been done before? all those artists you mentioned didn’t create genres in vacuums, either, they built on what had gone before, just as artists do now. many of the artists you named couldn’t even really claim to have ‘invented’ the genres you’ve given them anyway (how you can claim musical knowledge and make no reference to any 1950s artists despie the undeniable importance of chuck berry, bo diddley, buddy holly, and the like i don’t know) and why does everything need to be new – surely it is about being good.
as for most music critics, most of them (at least those someone with your opinion would be relying on) are baby boomers who came of age in the 60s and 70s, so of course they’re likely to find the definitive music of their time best. personally, i think if you can’t find anything from the last decade you like it means you’re not looking hard enough.

29 05 2010
vivisection

Happy birthday Shirley!

29 05 2010
Shirley M

Many thanks, Viv and Pinky!

29 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. That is a fine list, except for Ben Lee and Pulp.

29 05 2010
Shirley M

pfffft.

29 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Happy birthday Shirl.

29 05 2010
Shirley M

Thank you Simon.

28 05 2010
pb

talking about ‘real music’ and then naming almost exclusively only the famous – and, in some cases, bogan – artists is hilarious. people who go on about how all good music was produced before/after a particular date are ignorant idiots. and, as shirley pointed out, you’ve left out huge genres like jazz, blues, and folk, as well as more experimental ends of music like noise and post rock. finally, if you’re going to pretend you’re all knowledgeable about ‘real’ music and hold the 60s and 70s as the pinnacle of music, you’d be best to at least mention the beatles and dylan, otherwise you just look like more of a twit.

28 05 2010
James

How anyone can make such a list and leave out Woody Guthrie, Bob Dylan, Muddy Waters, Sonny Terry and Brownee McGhee when talking about “real music” is beyond me. In any case, most of the elitist types I know have a wide knowledge of classical music as well – many people I know insist that no good music has been made since the 1870s. The final nail in the coffin for Mr Elitist above, is that he (or she) has misspelled Metallica.

My guess is that the 60s and 70s is when this person came of age, and they have never quite moved past that point.

29 05 2010
Eletist Coffee Lover

I could have banged on about how much I know Muddy Waters or this or that but I only need to mention enough to illistrate my point. My point is the golden age of music (well music in the top 40 charts at least) had it’s pinnicle in the 60/70’s generally because that’s when It was at it’s most creative and least commercialised.

29 05 2010
pb

back in my day…

28 05 2010
vivisection

Just a druggie? Ha , like nearly member of every band you listed !

28 05 2010
Sten

I have to agree with much of what you’ve listed… I love Pink Floyd, Deep Purple and Motorhead… but there doesn’t seem to be much evidence for Metallica existing prior to 1981. Still, you’ve made your point.

That said, I have to disagree, to an extent. I am also a fan of 80s/90s Industrial/Post-Industrial/EBM music. Think Front 242, Skinny Puppy, Nitzer Ebb and the like.

29 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@Sten,

Do I live under a rock? I know none of the bands you have mentioned.

30 05 2010
vivisection

Pinky, No, you just need to stay in more!

25 06 2010
Jackson

Not opening up to new styles of music is very bogan I hope you realise.
If you think electronic never moved on since kraftwerk I encourage you to scour the genre section at the music store http://www.beatport.com

27 05 2010
Death Squad

So stoked. 147 blogs and not one mention of Metal. Ergo, I AM NOT A BOGAN.

27 05 2010
Benjamin

Agree on the metal.

Though the upper case stuff and jumping to conlusions could be construed as Bogan 😉

27 05 2010
Benjamin

Urg. *conclusions*

28 05 2010
Death Squad

Dear Benjamin.
Being a flannel draped, VB imbiber and life long ‘Metal Head’, I find I have been somewhat unfairly labelled as bogan. I find it more than a little amusing that there has been absolutley no mention of it. New Boganism is like drug addiction or alcoholism. You won’t admit to it even when in its vile clutches.
Blah blah blah n that.

Yowser.

29 05 2010
brad

D.S the complexities of many metal compositions are way too much for the average bogue too take in,plus your average metal piece lasts from 5-10 mins,way too long for even the most focused bouge.

8 06 2010
Death Squad

Right on my man. So succinctly put. Can you imagine a Boguey trying to dance to a Behemoth or tune. Also, Metal doesn’t mix well with desinger drugs and does not lend itself to trying to pick up the opposite sex for a bit of back door. Way too much going on for those 2 brain cells to comprehend.
Hail Metal.

27 05 2010
T-ra

I was so sure today’s post would be about the State of Origin! Surely this has to get a run sometime soon? Given that it seems to be that on 3 nights of the year seemingly normal people turn into bogans. Even I found myself yelling ‘run like you robbed a liquor store’ at the TV after one young Queenslander appeared to get a break wtih the ball last night! Husband…just looked up in horror and laughed!

27 05 2010
pb

i must say, though, run like you robbed a liquor store is quite funny.

27 05 2010
martin

I watched about 5 minutes of it before I mentally shook my head in disbelief that people older than 10 care.

27 05 2010
Tombarina

Funny!
Y’know, I’m a proud Q’der and while I prefer a good game of running rugby, I’ll lap up a hard, full-bore SOO encounter.

But what $hts me to tears is that, for three weeks of every year, you can’t even buy a stamp without being asked “who’s gonna win?”. I may as well be interrogated on the medium-term outlook on the bond market. I don’t know. Nor do you, stamp-seller. Nor you, weird-office-guy, nor you, chick-at-the-cab-rank.

Today, I’m a pariah at work because, in an effort to avoid tedious ball-by-ball discussions, I lied and said I didn’t watch the game. Confiding that I’d slept with granddad would have gone down better….

27 05 2010
Will S

I don’t mind watching a bit of league, but the way they hype up a game between two states in what’s basically a provincial backwater game as THE BIGGEST SPORTING CONTEST IN THE WORLD turns me off.

27 05 2010
Kate

Maybe it will be up around the time of the final match. Can’t wait for the post to be full of descriptive words such as ‘glassin’ cunts’ and ‘x-treme’.

27 05 2010
BonoScotto

I am amazed at how big SOO is..i mean for these guys playing rep for NSW is considered higher than playing for your country. Friggen this country and it;s love of STATE vs STATE..makes you wonder why we are not just a group of different countries…we could hold our own world cup!

27 05 2010
Will S

That’s because no one outside NSW, QLD and a few northern English towns cares about league, lol.

27 05 2010
brad

As a Proud Vic who looks upon State of Origin with a passing interest(akin too the Sydney weather forecast),i may not be qualified too comment.But it perplexes me how smack-bang in the middle of a preimership season you take the best players (usually a large percentage members of the top of the ladder teams) and have them train and play in a best of three comp.Not only does this expose these players too injury,but it also dilutes the strength of the top teams thus undermining the premeirship concept.This practice is just bizarre too an AFL follower-the premiership is the only thing you play for,the fight for the flag is everything.

27 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Brad,

I think we should just say that league in general defies comprehension. Why is a 1 dimensional game where one group of no necks runs at another to get to a line of any interest to anyone. I lived in QLD for 2 years so know of what I speak.

27 05 2010
Shirley M

Why is anyone talking about it at all? Here?

27 05 2010
brad

Surely Shirley you know by now the nature of the TBL Beast, David Guetta and State of Origin have some common thread-dont ask me what it is though ha ha.Simon i lived in Mackay,Airlie and Cairns for about a year,pre Cowboy days.Even then the “State against State,Mate against Mate” bullshit was nausating, must say though plenty of distractions up in them parts too insulate yourself from footy codes.Melbourne in winter must be torture for people who dislike AFL.

27 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Jesus Mackay, the only thing slower than the inhabitants is the dole cue.(sic)

27 05 2010
brad

Thats why i was stuck there for a month-Geelong in the Tropics.

27 05 2010
Tubesteak

I thought it was “fingerbang” and not “finger gun” after South Park (as they were playing on the sexual connotations of fingerbang)

27 05 2010
common man

tbl??wound’t ROGER SANCHEZ have fitted better??

27 05 2010
vivisection

Roger Sanchez is more for the older school, new school bogue… the early mid 90’s wasn’t he. Or is he still at it?

27 05 2010
common man

yep vivi he’s still at it..no thanks to utube

27 05 2010
Brimstone

wouldn’t mind more stuff on bogan music, actually…. do they still listen to the pub rock? i love that stuff

27 05 2010
anonymous

Oh God I hate that song in the youtube video.

Coldplay + Eurotrash + Rnb Singer = An MDMA fueled bogan delight.

27 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Bogans on MDMA…Where can I buy ring side seats!!??

27 05 2010
brad

Crown Casino,King street,Any suburban night club strip,live every thu/fri/sat/sun-MDMA 10-2
-Glassing’s 2-Dawn

28 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Thanks brad!! Let’s have dinner and drinkies before the show!!

27 05 2010
Peggsy

David Guetta for TBL – spot on. Thank you.

(Side request: could TBL please consider addressing homophobia and specifically Channel Seven’s current swipes at gay people, currently happening as they chase the bogan dollar. It is a more pressing matter than ‘buying a snowboard’ (although all entries are appreciated). Anal and Faux Lesbianism touched on homophobia but surely TBL have more to say about Akermanis, Campbell, Aussie masculinity, and our metro footballers with their hairstyles, shirtless magazine covers, tattoos, gay following, etc. Or perhaps the issues are too broad to pin down – i haven’t tried. anyway, just a suggestion – the hatred of gay people seems to be one of the most bogan aspects of Australian culture.)

Anyway, to those who have not heard of Guetta before, it’s not surprising – he’s just the latest flash in the pan, by no means a significant artist, merely a perfect, current example of the mindless commercialisation of music. So I don’t blame people for not knowing who he is, while also applauding TBL for their choice – very apt.

ps Fiona, Benjamin, Tombarina, vivisection, Shirley M, etc – you all make this usually silent TBL fan laugh very much, love yr work. Carry on!

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You were quite right to list me as first amongst non-equals.

27 05 2010
vivisection

Fiona, that was just to get you over an done with! 🙂

27 05 2010
Peggsy

I must have been subconsciously acknowledging ‘The Degree’

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Of course you mean my higher degree in the Classics?

27 05 2010
vivisection

Fiona, I always wanted to ask, did you study “Hooked on Classics” and ” Switched on Bach” as part of your higher degree in the Classics?

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Good Lord no. What are they?

27 05 2010
vivisection

Switched on Bach – one of the first attempts at making the Moog Synthesiser sound like a real orchestra by playing Bach Classics. Played by Walter Carlos, who later had a gender re-assignment and became Wendy Carlos.

Hooked On Classics – Started when one of the ELO guys conducted a Philharmonic Orchestra and recorded it over disco beats in the very early 80’s. lead to whole series of “Hooked on” albums and was possibly the first to combine live orchestra with other music. Leading us ultimately to projects like Metallica, Kiss, Meatloaf, Portishead etc releasing albums / touring with orchestras.

Fi, either you studied the wrong Classics or missed a few subjects.

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Judging by that, I studied the RIGHT Classics!

27 05 2010
BonoScotto

hahaha oh hooked on classics..thats all my dad played in 1981..oh bad memories.

27 05 2010
Shirley M

I love the shit out of the ‘hooked on’ albums. Along with the ‘moog does’ albums.

27 05 2010
Peggsy

Of course (is there any other degree worth mentioning on muliptle occasions? I think not.)

27 05 2010
vivisection

At least we know who to call when we need an emergency Philologist.

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. And we can call you should we ever need a philatelist in a hurry.

27 05 2010
vivisection

Don’t make me go postal Fi

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. *clap* Very good. I felt sure I’d need to explain that one to the inferior minds around here.

27 05 2010
Peggsy

I got it (though only because I had to look up ‘philatelist’ earlier – so scratch that)

28 05 2010
Tombarina

Viv! On fire!

27 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Absolutely not. You’d think a PhD in International Studies would be interesting though, the way James is always banging on about it. It’s quite embarrassing really.

28 05 2010
James

Sounds like someone is a little jealous that they do not possess the highest degree, and only a mere higher degree.

28 05 2010
devil's advocate

“higher degree” is, of course, a relative concept. At Broadmeadows TAFE, the esteemed institution of which Fiona is a most distinguished alumni, any tertiary degree is lauded, particularly one that involves literacy compared to, say, understanding how long to leave the foils in the hair.

Some may scorn such modest achievements, but taking into account Fiona’s challenged background, she is rightly proud of her achievements.

27 05 2010
BonoScotto

What i found even more insulting is the way footy personalities, ala sam newman, carry on about gays. Last week i tuned in and find them lampooning gays and their lifestyles..a day after the aker column. Made for confusing tv as they then put on their serious hats and disagreed with akers comments and made out they support gays for then to only go back to taking cheap shots at gays.

Summed up bogan australia to a tee for me.

Also heard a lot of bogans all get up on their high horse and take the safe option and go with the flow abusing aker while saying they have no issues with gays. But as soon as a gay person enters their field of vision they are disgusted.

hmph australia in 2010 is a fucken frustrating bogan filled country.

28 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Peggsy,

Don’t be silent! Join in the fun, I promise you’ll feel better for it!!

😉

27 05 2010
common man

back on the ranch…stkilda players and???

28 05 2010
Bag O'Turnips

…A follow-up performance played with four balls? Not good.

28 05 2010
Bag O'Turnips

There’s another thing that bogans like: spit roasts. Both varieties. Eating bowel cancer-inducing quantities of inadequately roasted meat, followed up by a sandwich, is their idea of a great time. Maxxtreme carnivorous meal and maxxtreme sex. Yay.

I think there’s a topic in the making here…

27 05 2010
h

haha!
David Guetta= ultimate bogan icon.
Once again you have taken the words directly out of my mouth.

27 05 2010
h

P.s. Pretty funny moment up above when Melissa there discovered she was a bogue and got all touchy.

27 05 2010
Peggsy

That was awesome hey

27 05 2010
vivisection

Its those moments which keep me coming back.

29 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

They keep us all comming back vivi!!

One may become overwhelmed upon the discovery that one is bogan. Denial is a strong force!!

Heaps funny but..,

27 05 2010
Pandabater

TBL, you should thank Melissa for providing # 144 – Violent overreaction to perceived injustice and/or slander. Classic bogan behaviour. Possibly covered in # 66 but worthy of an entry of its own.

27 05 2010
Horse Trailer Sunset Ostriches

Garfunkel and Oates cover a lot of past TBL ground with this little ditty

27 05 2010
martin

I’d never really heard of this Ed Hardy thing before until TBL. It was mentioned in the chorus of that clip so I had to take a look. On the front page of the Ed Hardy Australian website they have about 50-100 shots of D grade celebs wearing it. But mostly of note was this

http://shop.edhardy.com.au/mens/t-shirts/smet-widowmaker-tank-in-black.html

On sale, a tank top with a picture of a skull on it and if you wore it you’d look like scum. Which I guess is the intent. On sale at $40 down from one hundred and fifty dollars. Jesus. That’s a lot of money to pay to look like a fuckwit.

Ohhhh, and if look at the rear picture of the shirt it’s got the faux swastika. I’ve seen a few of those around. I was wondering where they came from. So people can display that they are a nazi without wearing the actual nazi swastika. And it says “Born on the street”. So your mum had you in the middle of the road did she?

27 05 2010
Kate

You should at this Facebook page for a laugh

http://www.facebook.com/#!/edhardyaustralia?ref=ts

28 05 2010
Shirley M

That’s hilarious! Love it.

28 05 2010
Laura

Bahahahaa, oh god, still laughing my arse off at the shapeshifting theory! This entry’s one of my faves, TBL. Damn, you’s a funny blog, a funny blog.

28 05 2010
vivisection

boring

28 05 2010
vivisection

Speak for your own record collection – I wouldn’t have any of that bogan crap in mine.

28 05 2010
Horse Trailer Sunset Ostriches

Mr. Oizo, Aphex Twin for me. Though the Flat Eric fad would have appealed to bogans unfortunately. That yellow puppet was a groover.

28 05 2010
SD

Go Fug probably read TBL and I guess now has the last word on Kelly:

http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/go_fug_yourself/2010/05/destinys_fug052710.html

28 05 2010
Rob

“Audiguetta” absolute gold.

28 05 2010
JimC

Who?

I’ll take your word for it.

28 05 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Both of these alleged phenomena have passed me by. There’s little to recommend to pop culture these days. Seldom anything now that is either usefully challenging or aesthetically pleasing, unlike other eras, even amongst those I’ve lived through (became aware of my world when very young in the late 1970s).

29 05 2010
Will S

The marketing race for the dollar has hit the bottom, and they’ve brought in industrial strength drilling machinery.

29 05 2010
Bag O'Turnips

And it shows. Hype will be, before long, an edifice that teeters and collapses upon its own pressure and foul up the surrounding environment as it crashes down, just like that BP oil rig, that mined the deeper waters of the Gulf of Mexico, in desperate pursuit of petroleum that fuels these very one-and-same lifestyles. And like BP and the other petro-oligarchists, these spivvy marketeers too will shrug their shoulders when attempting to deal with the fallout of a situation that they really have no clue how to resolve, long after they’ve grasped all the dollars they could and bolted.

Are we already post-post modern, but not quite realised it yet? Will it take some awful kraken of environmental collapse or/and economic unravelling, to herald a day of reckoning to shake the shit out of the New Bogan, and put the kibosh once-and-for-all to their profligate and sociopathic ways?

29 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ O’Turnips
Beautifully put. I fear the bogan will be out to lunch at La Porchetta’s (so to speak) and totally miss the point.

:/

30 05 2010
chuck taylor

Bogans really hate this song, Northcote (So hungover):

2 06 2010
pb

he looks like a cross between jarvis cocker and ben folds.

25 06 2010
Jackson

I bit my fist when reading the part about the bogan using finger pistols when pointing to his prey on the dance floor. This is so painfully true and the key to why the bogan loves this song so much.

Is it just me or does it sound like Akon really hates this girl? “I’m trying to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful”
If you like the girl so much why is it such a struggle to describe her in a nice way? Oh I know why, because you’re a pig and a fuckwit.
What’s with these RNB star false claims of being respectful? I though all they wanted was someone to approach from behind on a dance floor and rub their crutch on… or at least to get a party ‘poppin’.

8 11 2010
e

I swear David Guetta is just the dad from Medium with sunglasses on

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