#132 – Aussie Hip Hop

22 04 2010

During the 90s, the bogan’s knowledge of Hip Hop was limited to US-produced recordings, which were strictly gangsta in nature. West Coast rappers Dr. Dre, Tupac Shakur and Snoop Dogg were favourites, the bogan identifying with the theme of anti-authoritarianism, the incessant bragging, tales of violent belligerence, open misogyny, and the pervading sense of ascendant machismo apparent in artists of this ilk. Having little in its personal history allowing it to relate to daily life in hardscrabble South LA, the bogan’s imagination was nonetheless piqued by the artists’ description of life on the street, and their connection to organised crime. Despite its often racist views on the home front, in the 90s, the bogan spent countless hours in front of the mirror pretending to be a black American gang member. White rapper Eminem’s emergence provided the bogan with a welcome respite from this fanciful routine, and he was widely adopted as a bogan mascot.

Unbeknownst to the bogan, a home-grown Hip Hop scene was well-established by this time, as local MCs, DJs, graffiti artists and b-boys began to forge an Australian take on the culture. Aussie Hip Hop music first came to the bogan’s attention with the spectacular success of long-standing Adelaide outfit The Hilltop Hoods, whose 2006 release ‘The Hard Road’ displaced a Ben Harper record to debut at the top of the ARIA charts. The bogan quickly learnt that it could get all its fronting, beefing and battle rap requirements not only from white people, but also from an Australian source, delivered in an accent that sounded a bit like Robbo blueing with his missus. Inevitably, the bogan developed a huge Jones for Aussie Hip Hop – the description of Australian suburbia stimulated its ‘Aussie Pride’, and provided an opportunity for the bogue to lay yet another dubious claim on another country’s culture. The bogan loved the combination of feeling simultaneously gangsta-tough and patriotic by playing this music, and soon it was heard blasting from the sound systems of countless Chevrolet Commodores, which had so recently only announced the imminent arrival of the Vengabus.

There are some things which complicate the bogan’s love of Aussie Hip Hop. As is often the case with popular music, the lyrical content can occasionally verge on exhibiting a social conscience – sometimes even to the point of political correctness gone mad. This will madden, confuse and frustrate any bogan who ventures to deconstruct the meaning within an Aussie Hip Hop rhyme scheme. For this reason, the bogan’s wallet will customarily yield only to Aussie rappers on the ‘chicks, beer and barbies’ end of the spectrum, which explains why the Hilltop Hoods are such a roaring success in the bogan market. It also annoys the bogan that, unlike their once-beloved West Coast gangsta rappers, Aussie Hip Hop tends to eschew the promotion of violence which so successfully stimulated the bogan’s punch-on gland in the 90s. Luckily, the bogan needs little encouragement to perform maxtreme acts of violence, and any hip hop beat will generally elicit the required pavlovian response.


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558 responses

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I believe they prefer the term Aussie “friggin'” Hip Hop.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Balwyn

One day I would like to tour Toorak to find you and I’m sure I wouldn’t have a problem… all I have to do is listen to the mad cackle as you seem to “LOL” in every post you make!

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I assure you you would have a problem. I’d ensure the gates to the ground were locked and security was on high alert. The rumble of your Chevrolet Commodore on its fully sick 20’s would provide ample warning of your arrival.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Balwyn

😀

Well being the lefty inner city pinko that I am you’re more likely to hear the squeak of my bike.

(Living in Balwyn is not a choice, just a necessity given the lack of available housing in the inner city!)

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. What lack of availability of housing in the inner city? I myself own many homes in the inner city. I’ve never had any trouble buying them.

Sorry to hear about your mode of transport. Don’t worry too much, I’m sure you’ll be in a position soon to make the next leap in your predictable evolution – to a used Subaru Forrester.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Balwyn

Hee hee – have to get my license first!

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Small steps then. Proceed to getting a basket for the front and an orange flag for the back of your bipedal velocitor.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Balwyn

Next pay day I’m looking to get this little beauty:

http://dhssek.shop.crossroads.se/carrie-bicycle-basket

22 04 2010
Fiona of Balwyn

Rest assured Daddy is looking to get me a little flat in Northcote

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You’ll definitely need the used Subaru Forrester then.

22 04 2010
Robbie

I love when your 2 personalities clash 😛

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. How so?

22 04 2010
Fiona of Balwyn

I love Fiona of Toorak she makes me ‘LOL’ *shudder*

I imagine she’s probably just like me in real life and we’d get on famously!

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. What could I possibly have in common with a bong smoking, bicycle riding, lesser suburb living communist like yourself?

Aside from our shared love of commenting on this board.

17 07 2013
Xander81

I was just about to say the same thing

22 04 2010
r.jett

*shudders* now that’s why i can’t stand most people who pose as residents of northcote.

22 04 2010
brad

Maybe you’ll meet a nice girl and settle down

7 12 2010
rilla

don’t worry about the LOL monkey (fiona), she’s too dumb to realise what it’s (LOL/EL-O-EL) really about, even though she’s apparently an oxford master grad.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

I thought ‘Skip Hop’ was the parlance of our times.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Happy to stand corrected. Hip Hop was unknown in days of yore, hence the reason we skipped (pun intended) it in my higher degree in the Classics.

Actually, it wasn’t so much as unknown as labelled differently – back then, it was just called “talking”.

22 04 2010
Annette

I thought it was Skip Hop ? (as in Skippy, Skippy, Skippy the bush kangaroo … Oh that hurt)

1 05 2010
Davo

Location: Toorak? I hardly think you cunts should be commenting on bogans. Yes thats right i said cunts. Something i am sure will appear in your next blog of infinite bogan wisdom. How would it be that as a said bogan i am earning over 250k a year before i even take into consideration the investment properties accumulating wealth. I like the Hilltop hoods, i like Urthboy, Hunter, Bias B, Mantra, Funkoars etc. I drive a holden HSV yes it is a holden, not a chevrolet (that is only the brand of engine – a subsiduary company of GM motors). It has 20″ rims, a straight through exhaust and a stereo that frightens small children into crying.

And my question is what is the problem with this? What is so wrong about being this person you have labelled as a bogan? Furthermore who has given you the right to provide such social commentary. What qualifications do you have?

1 05 2010
Shirley M

Yeah youse cunts, what farkin’ qualifications do youse got?

1 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Well, for starters, they don’t have the moniker “Davo”.

1 05 2010
pb

and spell the word ‘subsidiary’ rather than subsiduary’.

1 05 2010
Will S

Haha, look, we caught a live one.

10 01 2011
Davo

Bragging about earning 250k and driving a piece of shit poormans sports car, ROFLMAO. No one gives a shit if it’s a HSV, it’s a fucking holden. No one cares about your fucking stereo except the other bogans that want to flog it. With 250k you could have easily bought something with style or had an engineer build up a classic for you. But you chose to be maxxtreme.

22 04 2010
Glass 'em all

Ties in heavily with bogans’ love of maxxtreme sound sytems and only knowing the words to the chorus. Local black rap is out unless it is of the Yothu Yindi variety of acceptance.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Ernie Dingo should do a blackfella rap. And he can sample those kids who jump off the bridge, catch a fish and put it in the fridge. After all, M.I.A. did it, so the boganic wheel comes full circle yet again.

22 04 2010
Sten

Hahahaha… The Wilcannia Mob vs. Ernie Dingo. Instant classic.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

How does the bogan feel about the Hilltop Hoods collaborating with the Adelaide Symphony Orchestra? On the one hand, it’s all kutcha’d and shit, but on the other hand, orchestras are for poofs. It must be terribly confusing to be a bogan at times.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I wonder how the Hilltop Hoods will feel about the people in the front row of THAT show?

22 04 2010
Andrew

Well Fiona, considering the Hilltop Hoods have already done THAT show, which they called “the hard road restrung”, I’d say they felt pretty good about the people there.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Really? I can only assume my Social Organiser realised I’d have no interest in such an abomination and threw my invitation out without informing me. I must thank her.

22 04 2010
James Hunter

did any one turn up?

22 04 2010
Andrew

I believe (but don’t quote me) that it was a sell out crowd

22 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

It would be a different kind of nosebleed section.

*sniff*

22 04 2010
wigwam

the bogan with a bit of ‘hipster edge’ would love this sort of ‘groundbreaking collabo’

22 04 2010
vivisection

Meatloaf did it – king of the old school bogues, so the new school would have a remnant appreciation I’m sure

22 04 2010
Valo

The bogans had already had a taste for this via the hugely popular Metallica/San Fransico Symphony Orchestra album.

22 04 2010
Tombarina

Confession time: I have that DVD. And I LOVE IT!

*scuttles under desk, dons tinfoil hat, assumes foetal position*

22 04 2010
vivisection

and you dare comment on Kraftwerk ! 🙂

25 11 2010
Ash - Corporate Lawyer cum Lingerie Model

Me too, Tomba. It’s one of my favourite live DVDs of all time.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Balwyn

Although I take it The Herd are out of the question seeing as the bogan is so vehemently anti-intellectual!

22 04 2010
Andrew

I think it depends on which Herd song your talking about… Something like the King is Dead actually sounds very anti bogan as they lay the boot into some very big bogan institutions.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Balwyn

Well the general themes of anti-Howard, pro-refugees and surely the bogan would never condone the burning of the flag?!

(Although it would love to burn down the Parliament for no good reason other than that it’s XTREEEEEEME!)

22 04 2010
Glass 'em all

It’s important to remember that, although the bogan may like hip-hop (or, what appearing to like it does for their bogan image & cred), it will never understand it, or what it means to its creators. This, in fact, applies to any other form of music, art or creative effort.

22 04 2010
Andrew

You are of course assuming that the bogans actually listen to the words…

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Well, we know they listen to the chorus(es).

22 04 2010
Glass 'em all

Exactly. Regurgitation is an important part of bogan culture. Footy scores, power-to-weight ratios, other people’s accomplishments, jokes and anecdotes and enough words of the chorus to make it seem as if one knows the song.

23 04 2010
Will S

Not to mention bulimia!

23 04 2010
Kat

Why not? It condones vomiting all over it after passing out?

22 04 2010
Valo

Yes, The Herd are very intellectual. AHHHHHH SCALLOPS!!!!

22 04 2010
pb

with dollops of flavour on top.

i swear i only heard that song once, but it really does stick in the memory.

22 04 2010
Valo

Same here. I think you only need to hear it once and it is then branded into your brain, slowly eating away at your brain cells until you become one of them. Gabba gabba hey.

23 04 2010
big_fat_floppy_juloppies

because you’re totally intellectual n’ stuff

22 04 2010
Girl of Madness

“The bogan loved the combination of feeling simultaneously gangsta-tough and patriotic by playing this music, and soon it was heard blasting from the sound systems of countless Chevrolet Commodores, which had so recently only announced the imminent arrival of the Vengabus.”

HaHa Gold! Make me laugh out loud at work.

22 04 2010
Going bogue

I have been waiting for this day since the TBL blog commenced. I’m just a little overwhelmed right now…

I blame jjj, Australian media content laws and Biggie Smalls.

22 04 2010
Tombarina

Me too.

Pathetic little wiggers are everywhere – you can go to the most remote town in this wide brown land and as you drive in you’ll be treated to the sight of ar$e-crack from half-slung jeans anchored by a belt sporting a replica 9mm pistol buckle, a Fitty-sen T and a puffy jacket even if it’s 43deg.

Anyone remember the Dunt Rap from Chris Lilley’s We Can Be Heroes? Says it all, really: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52udEv3vn5w

22 04 2010
Sten

Don’t forget the white baseball cap, Tombarina! Though that often makes them easy targets for snipers, so the caps are probably a blessing in disguise.

God I hate wiggers.

22 04 2010
North_Shore_Mummy

tee hee hee.. I quite like Aussie hip hop, one of my guilty Bogan pleasures!

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You left the word “many” out.

22 04 2010
North_Shore_Mummy

LOL oh tres witty… I’m cut to the quick.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL.

Cut to the quick,
Fiona’s fully sick.
At the manse down in Toorak,
She be beatin’ da boys off wid a stick.

*Peace out*

22 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Mad skills Fiona!

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Now raise your glass to the Queen of the Bar!

And….

*glass*

22 04 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
be careful
They may just raise their Bar to the Queen !

22 04 2010
Valo

F.R. Fiona Rickard?

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Indeed. Took all day for someone to make the connection. Well done, sir!

22 04 2010
Valo

I’m actually somewhat ashamed to know that song. Grandmaster Flash, Public Enemy, NWA all rapped about social issues. Phrase raps about changing his name to Jimmy Rickard.

22 04 2010
pb

considering the bogue by any other name page i’d say that a person changing their name will be a social issue some day soon.

24 04 2010
Sam

I thought it was Draft…

19 10 2010
phil

No he doesn’t, Drapht does.
But hey, who needs the facts when you’re trying to look smart?

22 11 2010
Catherine

that song is by Drapht you fuckwit

Seven months later, someone’s got their knickers in a real twist. TBL

11 05 2011
Siege

LOL Two things:-
1. The song is called “JIMMY RECARD” – LOL!
&
2. LOL Phrase didn’t write or record Jimmy Recard, “DRAPHT” did LOL
LOL
LOL You lot are the most hateful, close minded, arrogant, ignorant fuckhead scum I have EVER come across online. LOL I really do hope the majority of you fall and break an ego or two. LOL

22 04 2010
Andrew

I’m the same, I like aussie hip hop, but I also listen to stuff which hasn’t made it’s way into the top 40 charts.

22 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Spot on TBL!
I happen to live halfway up the hill that Hoods claim to be on top of.

Growing up here I spent “countless hours” in the 90’s watching local boys “battling” at parties and at school. The ubiquitous bong propping up their mad free-stylings. That the Hilltop Hoods are the ultimate distillation of this mad crew is no surprise.

(but seriously, go boys!)

22 04 2010
Fiona of Balwyn

*sigh* I’d love to be propping a bong right now…

22 04 2010
22 04 2010
22 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

oh forget it.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

Awwww

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You know what Chubby’s doin’, he’s smoking a joint!

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Correction: “blazin'”.

22 04 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
Chubby’s just “Smoking”

22 04 2010
Fiona of Balwyn

Ha nice work Kemosabe

23 04 2010
pinky has a brain

Edna, if you watched “We can be hero’s” do you remember the twin bogan boys from Adelaide who would “Battle rap ‘n’ shit”? MUHAHAHAHA

23 04 2010
Tombarina

Said it before, and I’ll say it again: tragic little wiggers.

26 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Yes Pinky, yes I do.
Very funny indeed.
Oh the memories.

😀

22 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I think you need to go to Chubby country.
🙂

22 04 2010
Dave Mack

out here in Eltham, there is an abandoned car that has a ‘Support Aussie Hiphop’ and an X-treme ‘Obese Records’ sticker on it. It got one of these fluro tow-away stickers on it but they haven’t towed it yet.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I have a serious question about Hip Hop that I’m sure you good people *cough* will be able to help me with.

Perhaps the answer is well known, but with my limited exposure to it, I haven’t heard it.

Is it at all possible to wave your hands in the air like you DO care?

22 04 2010
Shirley M

I’m sure it’s possible, Fiona. The reason you wave your hands in the air like you just don’t care, is purely syllabic.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Waving “your hands in the air like you just do care” satisfies your syllabic requirements though. Perhaps it fails in the anti-authoritarian ones?

22 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Do we throw our “sets” in the air now?

22 04 2010
Tombarina

Our our guns?

22 04 2010
Tombarina

*Or*

22 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

aah, that makes perfect sense Tombarina.

25 11 2010
Ash - Corporate Lawyer cum Lingerie Model

“Dum diddy dum diddy diddy dum dum
Throw yo’ set in the aiiiiir
Wave it around like you just don’t care…”

Yeah, I like Cypress Hill. What of it, carnt?

22 04 2010
Shirley M

‘just do care’ doesn’t really make much sense. And we all know that making sense is high on the priority list of hip-hoppers.

22 04 2010
vivisection

That’s how we queers wave at sailors – yoo hoo!

22 04 2010
James Hunter

Viv,
the other greeting is
“Hi honey, I’m home”

22 04 2010
vivisection

“Hi honey, I’m home, who’s that bit of fluff?”

22 04 2010
James Hunter

“Where did you pull the skank”
probably works just that little bit quicker

22 04 2010
pb

i’ve often wondered about the waving your arms thing myself. personally, i think it a bit contradictory – if you don’t care, why would you bother putting your arms up and waving them around? and what exactly is a non-caring arm wave?

22 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Hohohohohohohoho to non-caring arm wave!

I think they may be referencing the joyous sense of abandonment, which comes when you lift your arms up and move them.
Try it yourself, driving a bus, making a cake, putting the finishing touches on that report, let it go. Wave them around. Doesn’t that feel better?

22 04 2010
vivisection

I prefer to wave my arms like “I couldn’t give a fu#k” and then glass someone

22 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

That works Viv!
Whilst glassing I think screaming c*nt at everyone is quite fitting.

22 04 2010
vivisection

Its a classic diversion glassing technique I teach in the 2nd class of my new combined Maxmartial Arts short course.

22 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

That sounds like xXxtreme awesomeness Viv!

I think incorporating spitting on others in conjunction with the glassing and the c*nting is a winning combo.
Life skills to the MaxXxtreme.

22 04 2010
vivisection

And it focuses on surprise attack techniques- xtreme Ninja style – one casually Bollywood Dances ones way over to the solitary Indian student before spitting and c#nting at them (that’s lesson 3) . Being a master of deception and a weekend short course in the healing arts of Reiki allows the she-bogue to glass bitches who rooted her man while they relax. So many practical applications.

22 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Sound very creative and so very practical indeed.
Maybe playing some Aussie Hip Hop as a warm-up to a session will be handy to incite violence in the bogue.
You will make a killing.
I see you being very rich and stuff.

22 04 2010
pinky has a brain

where do I sign Viv, never dunn a courz befah.

22 04 2010
vivisection

Courses start real soon, just as soon as i’ve set up the Lapole Belly SeXXXtreme Fitness Hens nights I will get onto the MaXXtreme MiXXXed Martial Arts Ninja Training Short Courses. Look out for a franchise near you real soon! Full fees payable upfront. I’m onto these bogans not being able to complete a full 2 hour saturday course!

23 04 2010
pinky has a brain

Discount for TBL peeps? MUHAHAHAHA

23 04 2010
vivisection

TBL peeps are allowed to watch for free. Gold coin donation appreciated. I only want to fleece CUBs !

22 04 2010
T-ra

🙂 hehehehe

22 04 2010
pb

alright edna, i’ll give it a go…

waving…

egads you’re right! from now on i’m filled with reckless abandon.

22 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

…and a big $hout Out to reckless abandon.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

I’m all for the arm waving. When an entire room full of people are waving their arms like they just don’t care when prompted by the on stage performers, there’s a real sense of community. You can really feel that everyone just doesn’t care.

It’s the jumping in the air I can’t stand for. (See what I did there?)

22 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Champagne comedy Shirley!
Love it.
Waving arms right now

22 04 2010
Shirley M

Maybe we can install the acronym WARN into the modern interwebs lexicon, to indicate our position on statements we ‘just don’t care’ about.

22 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

That sounds cool!

I’m going to wave my arms when I say it.

22 04 2010
Tombarina

I reckon caring, or lack thereof, has nothing to do with it.

I blame stupid, stupid English one-hit a$$hats Escape Club for their stupid song Wild Wild West with the line “put your hands in the air and march ’em up and down”. People have been doing it ever since.

22 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Oh dear.
So many asshats, so little time.

22 04 2010
martin

I liked that song. Mind you I was only 11 or so.

22 04 2010
pinky has a brain

You’re a bit happier today Marty. Good to see 😀

23 04 2010
martin

Must be the results of my revenge against the bogue 😀

24 04 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

Good to hear! Was there any glassing? Or just pointing and laughing 😉

24 04 2010
martin

Er no. Just this site really. Unfortunately the bogue has done pretty well for himself thanks to the mining and housing boom.

If I were to glass all of them I’d be the Martin Bryant of glassing.

22 04 2010
brad

it was exciting at the time as we we’re heading for the nineties AND living in the wild wild west.

23 04 2010
Kat

I blame Cameo, Word Up:

“Wave your hands in the air
Like you don’t care, glide by
The People as they start to look and stare. ”

Love that song. Don’t mind the Hilltop Hoods either. Not every song, but some of them are good.

22 04 2010
Going bogue

I think means that you are supposed to throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care that you look like a fucking idiot.

22 04 2010
pb

bit too long and doesn’t fit with the beats, though.

22 04 2010
Brimstone

Australia doesn’t have enough conflict for good hiphop, i think
but i don’t know much about rap

Morganics and Macromantics hang around the local poetry scene. Morganics is an utterly irritating smug guy… Macromantics is fun

22 04 2010
Fiona of Balwyn

I do like the melodies of Macromantics but I must say she has some very cringey moments.

23 04 2010
pinky has a brain

Brimstone, I had an ex once who said that African American rap music really “spoke” to him, he understands where they are coming from, you know with all that he had to go through.
My response was yeah must have been really hard growing up on the Boulevard in Ivanhoe (vic) and going to a private school and being picked up in a flippin’ Porche, I made him promise to never say that statement again, particularly if I am around.

We broke up shortly after…:)

22 04 2010
vivisection

I thought Vanilla Ice opened the door for white rap with that hilarious Ice Ice baby crap, not Eminem?

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. And let’s not forget the wonderful contribution “Snow” made to the “toasting” sub-genre with his seminal hit “Informer”. 😐

22 04 2010
Tombarina

All predated by the Beastie Boys, Viv. (They were great, actually….)

22 04 2010
Tombarina

*missing hyphen in ‘pre-dated’ – otherwise reads like the Beasties feasted on Vanilla Ice, Eminem, et al. And the Beasties are wayyyyy too cool to go near those sad little wiggers*

22 04 2010
pinky has a brain

I still love the Beasties Tombarina, is that bogan?

22 04 2010
Tombarina

No. And if anyone says so, Shirl, Viv and you can glass ’em. I’ll be busy sitting back in moral judgement.

22 04 2010
vivisection

So true, i didn’t want to put them in the same category though. was hoping they could go unnoticed

22 04 2010
James Hunter

enought to make you “hopping ” mad

22 04 2010
vivisection

Actually I believe Blondie was the first white rapper – and first female. Bless her

22 04 2010
vivisection

Took me a moment – “rapture ” was the blondie song though

22 04 2010
Shirley M

Who would have thought a cocaine addled string of garbled nonsense about eating cars and guitars would have led us to this discussion today?

22 04 2010
vivisection

Sung by a former playboy bunny no less.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I propose to you that given their effort:

“And you get in your car and you drive real far
And you drive all night and then you see a light
And it comes right down and lands on the ground
And out comes a man from Mars
And you try to run but he’s got a gun
And he shoots you dead and he eats your head
And then you’re in the man from Mars
You go out at night, eatin’ cars
You eat Cadillacs, Lincolns too
Mercuries and Subarus
And you don’t stop, you keep on eatin’ cars
Then, when there’s no more cars”

White rapping:

1) should have ceased forever, there and then, and
2) hasn’t really progressed much.

😐

22 04 2010
vivisection

Fiona – it was a “Concept Album” – doesn’t that excuse all manner of mediocrity?

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Yes. But not its plethora of successors.

22 04 2010
T-Mac

Blondie were a band…not just one person

22 04 2010
vivisection

Yes I know Debbie Harry was the singer of the band, just being lazy. Haven’t forgotten Chris Stein, Clem Bourke etc.

22 04 2010
North_Shore_Mummy

The Beasties are the reason I like this genre at all.

22 04 2010
pinky has a brain

Me too NSM!!

22 04 2010
Shirley M

ARE great. Thank you.

22 04 2010
Tombarina

True. Sorry!

22 04 2010
djm

“so recently only announced the imminent arrival of the Vengabus” — brilliant.

22 04 2010
pb

i’m almost unhappy with the inclusion of that sentence, if only because that song is one of the most evil things ever inflicted on humankind and i have tried to rid myself of all memory of it for over a decade.

23 04 2010
Will S

We’re going to eat pizza!

22 04 2010
uberalles

Let’s not forget that album Chopper made… He probably deserves his own entry though.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Balwyn

Ooh good call, I forgot about that masterpiece

22 04 2010
Persephone

Skip-Hop! What a term! Almost as good as Aussie-Swazzie! 77% by the Herd must be very confusing for them.It’s a very subversive track.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL.

STOP!

Collaborative freestyle time…

“Let’s go back to the time of Hoges,
Givin’ Aussie Pride to the bogues.
Dealing with trouble and strife?
Mate, “that’s not a knife!”…

I pass the baton on to someone else with the suggestion that the theme be the evolution of the flannelled up bogue to today’s, well-described TBL bogue.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

‘Straya’s had bogans for a real long time,
they’ve only recently learnt how to rap’n’rhyme.
We’re gonna tell you a story so you won’t be guessin’,
Skip Hop’s gonna give y’all a history lesson.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. ‘

*Insane scratching interlude*

Chicka-chicka-boom-boom

22 04 2010
Shirley M

I’ve been milkin’ a cow and draggin’ a plough,
the thirst for ale, I got it right now.
Once upon a time a bogue would down a vic bitter,
now locally brewed imported is better.

22 04 2010
vivisection

Shirley, with talent like that you will be unearthed by triple j in no time at all. You wont be able to visit a regional town again with hordes of teen bogues hassling you.

22 04 2010
vivisection

Or you could go on tour with Nacho Pop , visiting McDonalds Outlets across the country promoting the fine arts of white rapping and krumping

22 04 2010
Shirley M

Oh yeah. Because my mad freestylin’ skillz are matched only by my wicked as krumping skillz. Word.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. It’d be wonderful to visit a dancery and gets my crunk on with you Shirley.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

I’ve never been to a dancery Fiona. Is it like a night club for rich people?

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. No, it’s an urban South Central LA type dance club where people can get all crunk up on it.

The prerequisite for entry is that you leave all your beefs at the door, as they don’t like no hateration in their dancery.

22 04 2010
vivisection

Should one wear fancery to the dancery, or smart casual?

22 04 2010
Shirley M

That wouldn’t be a problem for me. I’d toast myself on a cocktail of designer drugs. I believe that’s the best way to abolish hateration.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Either is fine, so long as the minimum amount of Ed Hardy or Pandora Charms are displayed. Or preferably both.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Studies have shown that “glassings per capita” are lower in danceries and this is believed to be as a direct result of a lower hateration quotient.

22 04 2010
vivisection

Are there gang related dance-offs like in Beat Street? Should I bring a cardboard box to lay in the floor? Will Wanda Dee be there? Is it BYO ghetto blasters ..Why do I have so many questions?

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. It’s not like the old days, when dancing meant just bringing a piece of cardboard to a suitable street corner.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

Will we be ladies dancing like hos?

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Sort of. I’ll be a lady dancing like a lady, you’ll be a ho dancing like a ho.

22 04 2010
vivisection

Beeyatch moves are optional, for ladies and hos alike

27 04 2010
Lana

Shirley,

Dancery is night club for old people,
how i know this?
My nan frequents one..

Hmm maybe ill ask her about u Fiona.. i bet you two have met. :d

22 04 2010
Sten

In days of yore, bogan weapons were blunt,
Now the nu-bogue screams “I’ll glass the c*nt!”
MaxXxtreme violence is the Bogue’s way of life,
Along with anal burglary of the wife

22 04 2010
Glass 'em all

Bravo!! Author! Author!

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Steeeeyyyeennn.

22 04 2010
Tombarina

Oim not a bogue, oim a fair-dinkum Aussie
With troibal tatts and a well-filled cossie
Oim true-blue. And orange. And I’m comin to getcha
Youse wogs, poofs and Asians, and towelheads, etcetera
Cos we were ‘ere first, we’re the real f@*kin’ deal
And we only do “ethnic” on a takeaway meal
So put your “guns” in the air, it’s Aussie time
And listen to me while I trot out words that sound somewhat similar…

Everybody say hey-now (hey-now)
F off, we’re full (blah, blah, blah…)

22 04 2010
Shirley M

‘we only do ethnic on a takeaway meal’

Effing brilliant, Tombarina.

22 04 2010
Glass 'em all

Respect, T. Where can i download it?

22 04 2010
Tombarina

Bak atchoo, G-Dawg.

This fully righteous trak is @ http://www.poseywiggermiddleclassprivateschooleducatedsuburbanite.com.au

Also available at Ikea, and at Harvey Norman on a ma$$ive 36mths interest-free deal. Cos my man HarNor iss keepin’ it real. You diggg?

Peace out. Tupac lives. And I’m late for my pottery class.

22 04 2010
Glass 'em all

That site glassed my browser. More respect!

22 04 2010
Benjamin

*Applause*

22 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I want to do a big $hout Out to Fiona, Shirley and Tombarina!!!

*krumping to the max*

22 04 2010
James

Agreed, that is the best (and only) freestyling session I have ever seen.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Balwyn

I dip my hat to you! *wild applause*

22 04 2010
Shirley M

I didn’t give a f*ck about learnin’ at school,
I’m a hard core anti-interlectual.
I worked in the mines, gotta pocket full of dollars,
Oi Cashed up Bogans! Give me a holler!

The hottest bitch on the block got a bracelet on her arm,
Pandora, f*ck yeah, I buy that bitch charms.
She looks so pretty with her sparkly jingly bling,
I love the sound it makes when I take her in the ring.

22 04 2010
Tombarina

*conspicuous snort; suspicious glares from colleagues…*
Magnifique, mon cheri!

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL.

*Scratching sound of Pandora Charms jangling away*

23 04 2010
Will S

Well I’m a bit late, but I couldn’t resist seeing how many of the ‘things’ I could fit into a rap song. (Keeping the same beat between verses somewhat optional)

Yo yo yo, this one’s for all the carnts in the house gettin huuugggeee

(male bogue)
With me sick southern cross, and me tribal tat
when i roll up to the bar gonna steal all ya mats
With the fake tan and last year’s designer drug
I’m the MaXxtreme, new age, cashed up thug…

B to the O to the G-A-N
I’m the noveau bogue, don’t make me spell it again
flash me 3-park pass and me massive can
i’m the #1 true blue aussie bo-gan!

(femme bogue)
Got ma huge buddha statue all up in the McManse (sorry Fiona)
“Ed Hardy” brand all over li’l Chardy’s hot pants
Sippin functional water and the ‘locally brewed
Watchin border security – they keepin out Mahmoud (not racist but!)
On me sixty inch plasma, shit’s interest free
Doncha try ‘n make me pay or i’ll be callin TT
In the formal lounge, dont’cha touch that shit again
F-CKIN SHUT UP BRAYDEN tryin watch 2.5 Men

With kids glamour shots – i post all the troop
I’m the facebook celeb on my moronic groups
Keep me books self-help and me radio commercial
Love the ‘underbelly’ it’s just so controversial (n that)
With the fad diet to get me pre-baby weight
Tryin get some pandora or a vampire date
to see Andre or the shaolin monks, or pink
long as no mother f-cker tries ta make me think…

B to the O to the G-A-N
I’m the noveau bogue, don’t make me spell it again
flash me 3-park pass and me massive can
i’m the #1 true blue aussie bo-gan!

(male bogue)
linin up outside da club behind the velvet rope
checkin out johnno’s missus wanna go the grope
with the nike shoxmax and the sick chevy badge
all the shielas wanna let me take ’em in the
or the ass; but here’s the danger
every night i seem to wind up still doin’ the stranger

headin out to thailand on the contiki tour
x-treme sex tourism, it’s never a bore
Spray the lynx n head out for the La-Po’ feed
When the c-nts get drunk gonna be callin “TAXI!”
All the cash from the mines and the investment property
I’m an anti-intellect, i don’t need a degree…

(mad scratching interlude)

Did the back in, gettin all the mad compo
Thanks to S&G, now I can go to sexpo
and the ‘cup, or even rock the ballet
love pretending i’m ‘oirish’ on st patricks day

seen all the big things and the cover bands
love killin animals and votin ‘f-ck the man’
to use me free speech on all the news ltd. polls
got ADHD – 20/20’s how my cricket rolls
“f-ck off we’re full” that’s what I say
so when i’m drivin the chev’, best stay outta me way…

B to the O to the G-A-N
I’m the noveau bogue, don’t make me spell it again
flash me 3-park pass and me massive can
i’m the #1 true blue aussie bo-gan!

*glass out*

24 04 2010
Tombarina

Will! You’ve outdone yourself – a truly horrific, yet magnificent, epic rap.

*salutes, doffs lid, applauds*

24 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL.

FANTASTIC!

It really worries me how good some of you are at this.

The McManse line is fine, btw, as long as you say “Mc” and not “ancestral”.

24 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Will, you da man.

24 04 2010
pb

the *glass out* at the end is perfection.

7 12 2010
rilla

Awesome rap, made me cry with laughter 🙂

here’s an alternate chorus:

Welcome to Australia
the big bogan nation
so eat ur f-ckin cheesymeat
and pray to the great Satan
piss off the arabs, abbos, chocos and frogs
and use ur f-ckin Kingsy to run ova the wogs.

22 04 2010
pb

tombarina, you’re my hero!

22 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

I got Bra’s in cars
wiv Southern Cross Stars
Hardy and Mother bombs
Locals Only Bars.

We Fuck Arse
with no class
she’s got a coaster for a tramp stamp
so you can rest your fucken glass.

We grew here
You flew here
I’ll smash ya! Ya C*nt
I’m in the big black commo
says chevvy on the front

(this is why I’m not famous)

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Splendid, simply splendid. We’ll get you a higher degree in the Classics yet.

7 12 2010
rilla

fiona, please just go away – I’m sick of seeing your invocations. If you want to respect someone, don’t precede you comment with things you (a monkey) cannot understand. who gives a fuck about your degree or mine, nearly everyone I met in my uni was just as dumb as you. Show some respect for once and drop the LOL you churlish monkey.

29 12 2010
Dan

@rilla – After 8 months I think everyones moved on.

22 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

bravo.
I’m stuck in moderation.
silly ch#bby.

22 04 2010
James Hunter

Chubby,
better then being stuck in modernisation esp if hip hop is part of it ?

22 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

I can take a bit of Hip Hop. I don’t mind aussie flavour. I’m not gonna rush out and buy it or anything.
I do like a lot of what youse might call “techno” music. I would call it “brutal downbeat psychedelic trance” however.
Very nice.

22 04 2010
Tombarina

That doesn’t rhyme, Chub.
How very freestyle of you!

Much respek.

22 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

straight off the top o my dome.
my rap is in moderation.
goddammit!

I need Validation!

22 04 2010
Shirley M

Who was it that did that song?

Freestylin’,
Rock the microphone,
Straight of the top o my dome..

and that refrain was repeated ad nauseum. Oh the irony.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. The Bomfunk MC’s. From the Netherlands. The nether lands of musical talent too, one presumes.

22 04 2010
Sten

They Bomfunk MCs (or BumFuck MCs, as I am wont to call them) are actually from Finland:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bomfunk_mcs

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I stand corrected on a fact I care nought for.

22 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Certainly the nether regions of talent.

22 04 2010
Tombarina

Let us look long and hard from whence $hitenhausen Aussie hip hop has sprung.

It owes nothing to rap pioneers like Grandmaster Flash, Snoop, Tupac, the Beasties or even to uber-violent meisters like Ice-T.

Rather, it springs from the singularly distinguished field of US rap-lite which has bequeathed to us Vanilla Ice, Marky Mark, 90210’s Brian Austin Green, Limp Bizkit, Kit Rock and K-Fed and their equally appalling black manufactured counterparts Soulja Boy, Akon, Flo Rida, anyone produced by The Neptunes or Timbaland, etc.

To quote The Offspring: “the world needs wannabes”.

22 04 2010
martin

What about techno music, listening to a souless fucking computer making stupid noises made by some twat with zero talent and skill. It seems that was the bogans reaction to feeling the need to be enlightened, cultured and worldy without actually having to be so. Up to date with the tech revolution usually practiced by owning a mobile and using it like a poseur as much as possible and getting nailed on the fees.

I can’t stand wiggers and anyone who’s dress sense was even remotely influenced by Eminem but I must confess to thinking The Herd was alright from the little I heard on the radio, I didn’t detect any misogyny or any outright lies of “growing up in tha hood” and not having the exact same opportunities as any Australian. I liked Skunkhour too but they were more funk/rap and their bass lines were awesome.

22 04 2010
vivisection

Stereo Mc’s are also good, great live show and mostly white but without the bullsh!t

22 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I agree.
I LOVE Stereo Mc’s.
Got in early with nice funk/hip hop.
The fact that the singer looks like a junkie makes them even better!

22 04 2010
Sten

Martin, I’m not much of a fan of the shite that is called techno music these days… trance makes my knuckles itch and the rest of it’s mostly pretty ordinary too.

However, in the days before desktop computers, and even (egad!) sequencers, electronic music was played the old-school way, only with electronic instruments often designed and built by the player.

Of course, these halcyon days have passed, but the memory lives on through groups like Kraftwerk… true visionaries of the first magnitude.

22 04 2010
vivisection

Here Here!

22 04 2010
martin

It’s ‘hear hear’. Ya bogan. 🙂

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hear,_hear

22 04 2010
vivisection

yeah yeah

22 04 2010
martin

Well yeah I can handle that sort of thing, New Order springs to mind, and The Cure’s ‘Mixed Up’, although I have never heard Kraftwerk, they’re German I believe.

22 04 2010
Sten

They are indeed German (the name translates roughly as “Power Station”). They’re undoubtedky most famous for the 25-minute epic “Autobahn”, and the excellent “Trans Europe Express”.

22 04 2010
vivisection

“We are the robots” also very well known. Possibly the best live show i have ever seen. Four men on laptops, barely moving – two hours. I died and went to heaven while they did their online banking and caught up on emails.

22 04 2010
Glass 'em all

Please not to forget The Model.

22 04 2010
vivisection

Of course “its more fun to compute”

22 04 2010
Sten

Also as covered by Rammstein. One of my personal favourites is “Sapcelab” from their 1978 album “The Man Machine”… which, come to think of it, also has “The Model” and “The Robots”.

22 04 2010
vivisection

I make it a point of taking Kraftwerk wherever I travel – I spent 7 glorious minutes listening to Radioactivity while looking out of my 47th floor hotel room in Hiroshima – aaah the goosebumps, and I also listened to Trans Europe Express whilst traveling across Eastern Europe on the dodgy Elvira Train line. You never know when a Kraftwerk song my apply to a situation so I keep the ipod loaded and ready to go at all times!

22 04 2010
Shirley M

I’m quite a fan of Kraftwerk but when I saw them live I wished I had a sniper rifle. BORING!

22 04 2010
Shirley M

Though, at first it was kinda cool in an eerie sort of way. But then, you know, boring.

22 04 2010
Lurker

Shirley,

Are you the singularity?

22 04 2010
Shirley M

I don’t think so. It’s been established that I’m the Higgs Boson, and I don’t think I can be both.

22 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

just re the singularity/higgs boson thing,
I’m quite sure you can’t be both. I think the term ‘singularity’ represents the state of the universe prior to the big bang. Whereas, if my armchair physics is correct, the higgs boson (or god particle) is not proposed to have come into existence until after (or effectively “in”) the big bang. (the point in space time in which the higgs boson first came into effect being measured in Planck time, for the purposes of the debate the two “appellates” might be considered to have been in existence at the same time (initially, of course, the higgs boson is postulated to be everywhere now) but certainly not the same thing.
Unless, you consider that the higgs boson may have been, in fact, the very thing which tipped the singularity into our multiverse state…
nah.
that would still make them different things.)
You definitely can’t be both.

22 04 2010
Tombarina

Kraftwerk? Bah humbug. Nearly 23 minutes of:

“We are driving on the Autobahn

In front of us is a wide valley
The sun is shining with glittering rays

The driving strip is a grey track
White stripes, green edge

We are switching the radio on
From the speaker it sounds:

We are driving on the Autobahn
We are driving on the Autobahn
We are driving on the Autobahn
We are driving on the Autobahn

(repeat ad nauseum – and there WILL be nauseum – for 22:47)

Sorry, Sten, Martin & Viv – with all respek, I’d rather eat my own head.

22 04 2010
vivisection

Tombarina ! I have no words. However

*glass*

22 04 2010
Tombarina

*thinks about stoically accepting glassing*
*thinks better of it*
*runs off at speed with arms waving in the air like I really DO care*

22 04 2010
vivisection

Run back to your Metallica Dvd !

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Tombarina,

I stand united with you in thinking Kraftwerk sucks.

22 04 2010
North_Shore_Mummy

Skunkhour – another dearly loved hip hop/funk outfit of mine, along with Spearhead and the previous incarnation Disposable Heros of Hip Hopracy (OK I know they are not Aussie, but such brilliant lyrics, got me lovin the clever hip hop)

22 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

word.
they were a good night out too.

22 04 2010
James Hunter

Is that what I call Techno Trash?

22 04 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Lets take the mood down from freestyle to haiku

Bogan rides in Chevvy
Aussie pride for all to see
Skiphop blares to the MaxXxtreme

22 04 2010
Shirley M

It’s a super poem WMA, but not technically a haiku, I’m afraid.

22 04 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Hey wikipedia said it was.

You gunna argue with the font of all knowledge??

22 04 2010
Shirley M

It’s 5 syllables, then 7, then 5 to the best of my knowledge.

What does wiki say?

22 04 2010
pinky has a brain

Hi guys, look at this…wasn’t sure where to post it, but here you go..

http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/invasion-of-the-theatre-bogans-20100421-suiz.html

😦

22 04 2010
vivisection

Its true though – I witnessed it on the weekend. I saw a lot of theatre thongs and theatre singlets worn, and incomprehensible drunken heckling. Woeful.

22 04 2010
Glass 'em all

Build it and they will come.

22 04 2010
vivisection

Poor Fiona, its reverse gentrification. Her box will be filled with hollering commoners.

22 04 2010
James Hunter

poor fi

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Sadly, that article is quite true. Not that I’ve ever gone to see Tom Green, but I have noticed a decidedly lowering of the class barriers in the audiences of more cultured events.

I blame Andre Rieu.

22 04 2010
vivisection

and Vanessa Mae. And Bond

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. And Nigel Kennedy.

22 04 2010
vivisection

Richard Clayderman.

22 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

the dessicated dusty corpse of richard clayderman.

22 04 2010
vivisection

comeuppance if its true.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Balwyn

Ooh and don’t forget Blake! I’ve seen their ads on SBS though so maybe they will elude the bogan for a little longer!

Although they’re very posh so I’m not sure whether the bogan will be charmed by the toff-ness or go down the anti-intellectual route.

22 04 2010
pinky has a brain

I went to see Wil Anderson’s final show in Melbourne recently and was laughing with my companions about these two heavy set bogans dress in his and hers matching Essendon football club polo’s. We pointed and laughed until we realised that they were sitting in front of us. This made us point and laugh even more. Anyhoo, Mr Anderson comes on stage and does his thing where he talks to the audience and notices Mr and Mrs Maxtreem-Bouge and points them out and said “Wow you two really are bogan’s aren’t you?” I nearly DIED laughing, they did not laugh ONCE not even a flippin’ smile through what was one of the funniest stand ups I’ve seen.
I couldn’t understand why they came to see him at all, maybe it’s cause Essendon lost?

22 04 2010
Nelson Esq

I hate theatre bogans! That article is just so true, especially the bogan thinking of Shakespeare in the park being for ‘poofahs’!.

They ruined ‘Spamalot’ for me and the reason why I don’t go to the Melbourne Comedy festival as much.

But what do you expect when someone invented bogan theatre in the form of ‘Warnie – The Musical’. Made by the same bloke who did ‘Keating’, but bogues would have understood the jokes in that…

22 04 2010
Shirley M

So theatre has finally come full circle. It’s taken circa 2500 years, so it would seem that the likes of us won’t get to enjoy any high brow stage entertainment in respectful quiet ever again.

23 04 2010
Kat

Why would anyone except a bogan go and see Tom Green? It makes sense that he would smash his guitar to please a crowd.

22 04 2010
Mrs Palmer

I’m going Godwin this thread via Mel Brooks:

22 04 2010
Sten

Hahaha… life immitates, well, art! This reminds me very much of Terry Pratchett’s Maskerade.

22 04 2010
ColinJ

I know that these days we all have to be tolerant and open-minded about art, but bugger that. I think hip-hop in general is tuneless, obnoxious dogshit.

Maybe one day I’ll hear the right thing that will give me a different perspective on it, but for now I think it’s a pox on modern culture.

22 04 2010
James Hunter

Spot on, couldn’t have put it better myself, Hip Hop and Techno Trash
bin em both

22 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

you’re just not hip to the scene Pops.

22 04 2010
North_Shore_Mummy

22 04 2010
gregbie

Skunkhour? Sorry. Textbook bogan.

Multiple bandwagon jumping? (check. Acid Jazz Lite meets basement level hip hop)

Aussie accents? (check)

JJJ high rotation (check)

Another pox forced on the ears of the discerning listener by da nashnul yoof broadcaster.

Don’t get me started on Supergroove. Or the new millenium edition The Cat Empire.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

I reserve a special kind of loathing for the cat empire.

22 04 2010
vivisection

The same i reserve for Architecture in Helsinki i presume

22 04 2010
Shirley M

As far as kids music goes, I quite like Architecture in Helsinki.

22 04 2010
vivisection

But Shirley, we’ve also established your penchant for the beatles… 🙂

22 04 2010
Shirley M

It’s not a mere penchant, viv. It’s a lifestyle choice. The Beatles were my first true love. 😛

22 04 2010
Tombarina

You really should meet my Beloved.

He used to shoot The Cat Empire with his finger-gun when’ere they darkened our screen.

Mind you, he also shoots Empire of the Sun, most rappers, and National Youth Choir schilling for Qantas, too. He’s very, very mature.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. And it would seem, a man of discerning taste.

22 04 2010
Glass 'em all

Aye. Glass ’em all.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

I hurl swears that would make a wharfie blush whenever I see Empire of the Sun. Sounds like we’d get along famously.

I like a lot of rappers, though. Just not the rubbish ones.

22 04 2010
North_Shore_Mummy

LOL clearly our definition of bogan differs quite dramatically.

Ciao ciao (it’s Ok I am half Eyetye)

22 04 2010
martin

Skunkhour are a bit bogan, they did have a song about having a bong addiction. I don’t care I still liked them and I like(d) many bogan bands – Led Zep, ACDC, The Oils, Cold Chisel, Metallica’s Black Album and the other handful of obligatory songs like One, a few songs from the ‘hair’ bands from the 80s like the gunners, poison. So if that makes me a pariah on this site so be it!

But I only listen to them these days when I’m drunk and I’m keen for some retro.

22 04 2010
brad

Metallica’s Kill em All,now thats bogan,but i loves this album.

22 04 2010
Anonymous

Kill ’em All is classic bogan, not nouveu. The nouveu bogue prefers Nickelback.

The nouveu shall not drag influential speed metal through the mud along with them.

22 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

maybe you would dig on Queens of the Stone Age, Them Crooked Vultures, The Desert Sessions or Kyuss.
I think you might dig Kyuss.
all of that stuff swings like god’s dick.
Josh Homme has the Rock!

wolfmother is for dandies and artists.

22 04 2010
brad

Have looked at Them Crooked Vultures,its good,Josh Homme and Dave hold their own with JPJ(maybe he’s got a bonox roadie),they’re livin the dream,Eagles of Death Metal was a good laugh,thats the thing about Dave Grohl,no matter how many pissed plebs in boozed beer barns chant the fooies,he’s always got something else.As for Wolfmother-ask Mike Pattern

23 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

thumbs up on the EODM. What did Patten think of wolfmother?

aussies just aren’t rocking these days.
or am I missing something?
eddy current maybe…
yeah, Cog, but…

If anyone says Karnivool I will hunt you down and give you a stern talking to.

23 04 2010
Shirley M

You’re not missing anything.

We’ve lost the rock.

23 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Oh no, I saw Daniel f&cking Johns scream, “everybody f*ckin’ Rock” at a music fest.
hohohohohoho

He is as lame as Medieval Re-Creationists!!!

23 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

No wait….

… he is lamer!!!

23 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I mean…

… more lame!!!

23 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Verily he be.

23 04 2010
Shirley M

Way to state the bleeding obvious ladies.

23 04 2010
Benjamin

Not completely. I’m going to get stoned to death here for this, but…

I still love my AC/DC.

In particular I think the “Stiff Upper Lip” album from 2000 is one of the best pieces of straight-up unadorned rythmic Rock and Roll that has ever been produced by an Australian band.

*ducks*

23 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

patton on wolfmother. gospel. FNM, tomahawke, battles, mr bungle. the man knows his sh*t

23 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I don’t understand why Wolfmother just don’t be done with it and become a Led Zeppelin cover band.

23 04 2010
vivisection

Because no one but ageing hippies would go. I think the only thing worse was Jet in terms of tedious unoriginality

23 04 2010
Benjamin

Thank you for spelling ‘Patton’ correctly! I think you are the first 😉

He’s an amazing bloke, and has earned the right IMO to say whatever the hell he wants about any other music out there. He’s done it all and more.

23 04 2010
Tombarina

Having seen both the Vultures and the Fooies live, I’m convinced that Dave may in fact be the single coolest person on the planet. Ever.

People can hate on FF for their commercial success until the cows come home, but it doesn’t alter the fact that they’re a suberb live act with individually brilliant musos, that Davy Grolton is probably the most generous (in terms of sharing the love and genuine respect) “star” performer I’ve seen and I can’t think of another act which plays sooooo hard to the fans.

Saw TCV at the Riverstage last year, and lots of similarities – individually outstanding musos, a great cohesive whole.

Unlike Nickelback, which are simply…a hole.

23 04 2010
Shirley M

I’m not a huge Foo Fighters fan, but when I saw them live it was like listening to a mega hits juke box. They gots the talent.

23 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I will go so far as to say I would strongly consider letting Dave Grohl enter the ancestral manse via the tradesman’s entrance…

23 04 2010
Benjamin

Dunno. Last time I saw them I found Dave’s constant “Here We Go!” where the last line of a verse should be a bit annoying. I don’t think that it helped that we saw them at the “super dome”. Crap venue IMO.

My interest in the Foo’s peaked somewhere between The Colour and the Shape and There is Nothing Left To Lose (both great albums IMO).

What’s their current stuff like?

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

They have got a bit same same I think. Certainly peaked with The Colour.

23 04 2010
Tombarina

After Mike’s…shall we say, word-vommy…about WMother, he followed it up with what some silly people interpreted as an apology/backdown.

Me? I think it’s absolutely dripping in sarcasm. But don’t take my word for it:
http://www.microugly.com/page/blogs/mike-patton-thinks-wolfmother-is-genius/

23 04 2010
Benjamin

It does seem obvious, doesn’t it.

Anyhoo, does anyone remember what he said about INXS? Now that was pretty outrageous. Offensive IMO, but given what he has done I’ll forgive him that.

(No INXS fan here, BTW)

23 04 2010
Tombarina

He said he’d take the job if INXS would let him wear a noose around his neck onstage. Not cool. Then again, I’ve heard worse – the multiple incarnations of INXS since MH’s icky demise, for instance.

23 04 2010
Benjamin

Good call.

23 04 2010
martin

Nah chubby my metal tastes don’t extend much further than the black album. I tried. My other tastes are more JJJ libtard like You Am I (the early stuff, until they became overly mid beatles beatlesque), Spiderbait, Custard, The Cruel Sea, Tex is the coolest bogan in the world, RHCP which I guess are half bogan half libtard. I also have a thing for 80s hits like Spandau Ballet songs and stuff. I thought the 80s were cool. They shat all over the late 90s and noughties for music imo, but maybe that’s because I’m not young anymore. Don’t think so.

I agree Shirley M rock is dead.

23 04 2010
vivisection

At risk of admitting to exxxtreme bogue behaviour, I bought the Ministry of Sound 80’s Anthems compilation. And i love it. In my defense, I just about owned every song on it, but they are on vinyl or I have been too lazy to click genie play list on my ipod. Doesn’t have a great deal of alternative 80’s, but still a pretty good collection of electronic 80’s. I feel better for having confessed.

23 04 2010
vivisection

And I used my partners staff discount to buy it.

23 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

sweet tune.
screw the coolios! I saw skunhour a few times and they were always a poppin’ scene. better live than recorded.

speaking of poppin gigs, seeing resin dogs at Livid in brisbane was a standout memory.
and I love the Butterfingers. naughty cheeky sh*t.

Buttah Fingahs Muthah F#ckahs!
can’t help myself.

23 04 2010
Shirley M

The Resin Dogs live were flippin’ awesome!

23 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Agreed.
I saw the The Resin Dogs at Offshore festival and they were jammin’ only to be cut short so that Something for f&cking Kate could play a three hour suicide inducing set.
How I have cursed them ever since.

22 04 2010
Nelson Esq

Couldn’t agree with you more, ColinJ. Never liked the original gangst rap crap from the US and the try-hard Australian stuff is even worse. I avoid it like the plague.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

I think everyone has forgotten where Aussie rapping really began. Allow me to remind you:

I don’t just want pure flirtation, so let’s go,
go where we can feel the vibrations,
come on now read my lips and take dictation,
you just got to follow the beat and find the location.
End of conversation.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Melissa Tkautz?

22 04 2010
Shirley M

You know it. The foreskank of skip hop.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I wonder if the gentleman she sang to really was able to wait until later and keep his hands off her detonator?

22 04 2010
Shirley M

She makes herself pretty clear. She wants someone who’s ready now. Who’ll get on the floor and show her how.

Slut.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Much like the Veronicas. They have expressed a fervent desire to be taken on the floor.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

What is this Australian skank obsession with doing it on the floor?

Don’t these people have beds, or dining tables?

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Or kitchen bench tops. Or couches to be bent over.

Hmmm, I may have said just a tad too much here…

22 04 2010
Benjamin

From a practical point of view it’s usually quieter than on a bed or table. Sometimes that is useful.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

I don’t think sluts care about the quiet factor, Benjamin. I know this from experience.

22 04 2010
Benjamin

’tis true. Just pointing out that sometimes a floor can be the right choice, slut or no.

23 04 2010
pinky has a brain

Maybe there ikea bed broke and all their furniture is waiting to be delivered from hardly normals. 😀

22 04 2010
Will S

Aussie rapping is really just a modern continuation of our great poetry tradition as personified by AB Paterson, and others – work which was considered worthless doggerell in its time but now considered a priceless part of our heritage. One day our hip hop will be seen the same way – a striking insight into the true 21st century Aussie psyche.

Well, not really.

22 04 2010
vivisection

I used to work with an older suburban she-bogue who would quote ye olde bullshitty bush poetry at the drop of a hat. I had to tell her to stop.

22 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

well,
maybe
a bit.

shakespeare and dickens wrote pulp in their day.

23 04 2010
James Hunter

hear hear,im a Wilde man myself

22 04 2010
brad

Wheels!

22 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

George Washington!

22 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

As I have already given two $hout Outs in this post It made me understand the importance of these to the bogue. The bogan cherishes any chance it gets to hoot and yell. It makes them feel important when the MC’s give a $hout out to their home town. If their name gets mentioned via ANY amplification/broadcast medium they are a celebrity.
They also love, “can I get a….” thinking people are actually paying attention.
The bogue seeks validation.

22 04 2010
Peggsy

One of the most enjoyable comments threads ever!
Absolute pleasure to read this one.

I would dearly love to see the TBL comment posse in a furious krumping session or better, a breakdance war. Fiona of Toorak, you rock hard with the Mary J. lyrics – love it.

Now…as someone who was taught classical piano and strict theory by a respected French professor from a young age, I soon found my way from the formalism of dead white European composers to the rhythms of black music, be it gospel, blues, jazz, soul, disco, funk, hip hop, house, techno, drum’n’bass and so on. I do understand the hateration of techno and hip hop expressed in the comments here, because much of the awful techno and hip hop that reaches the mainstream is the sound of the commercialisation of once great artforms – but proper techno, for instance (emerging from and commenting on the industrialisation/technologicalisation of industry in Detroit, Chicago etc) is beautiful and innovative music. rant rant rant

22 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

word.
seriously.
I f@cking Looove Beats.
all sorts.
…but one must exercise discernment.
for people who bark about techno crap this and hip hop shit that and trance wank the other…
Shut The F#ck up and Dance.

23 04 2010
North_Shore_Mummy

LOL I couldn’t agree more Chubster!!!

Shut up and Dance.. the world would be a better place *nods*

23 04 2010
pinky has a brain

Peggsy, that is how I feel too, I love trance, but not the shit that is played on the radio. I also love hard trance that has come out of England, Germany, and some small parts of Ibiza. I have been following a DJ by the name of Phil Reynolds for over 10 years now. The music that he and Nick Sentience are producing are really cool and hard line. As I get older (urgh) I am finding that the slower funk, D&B are really starting to infiltrate my ipod. Alex Freeland, Simple Minds, etc etc. I get a bit annoyed when people start slagging off trance, because I too hate the shit on the radio and all most cry at hearing my beloved music being turned into Candied shit.

The bogans have taken away the comedy festival, wine tours, and now my beloved dance music…It’s enough to want to start a rampage through Fountain Gate. 😉

24 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

seriously.
check out Kick Bong.

It’s blunts & daquiris on the beach.
(after a completely f#cking mental night in an israeli club with that chemist you met from amsterdam.)

24 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

most of you will hate it.
best experienced with headphones and dissociatives.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Yes, I must admit, I DO rock.

And occasionally roll.

22 04 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

It’s quite obvious you do rock however I think you’ll find it’s called crack cocaine’ in Rootak. Up ya nose.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Crack is the poor person’s version of Cocaine. I assure you I have no such tastes.

22 04 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

I can assure you that assurances from you about your lack of taste are quite correct.

22 04 2010
Benjamin

Further, I can assure you that your assurances about her assurances about her lack of taste are quite correct.

22 04 2010
James Hunter

Yep,
thats what too many Gin and Tonics will do to you.

22 04 2010
vivisection

Actually too many G&Ts will result in foetal position rocking and sobbing, maybe eye rolling.

22 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

I tend to stand in the yard and howl a bit too.

23 04 2010
James Hunter

That was you I could hear replying?

23 04 2010
vivisection

Is howl a euphemism for vomit?

22 04 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

Jesus says your all fucking idiots.

22 04 2010
Tombarina

I LOVE this. Introduced my Beastie Boys-loving son to it recently.

“NO! SLEEP! TILL BEDTIME!!!!”

22 04 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

Now I know TBL hung shit on Dr Dre but a while ago he produced a song called ‘Bitches Ain’t Shit’ (which they ain’t) became rather famous in it’s own right. However your son might like this version better:

22 04 2010
Tombarina

Thanks, Tracy. He’ll give it burl!

22 04 2010
Shirley M

Superb cover. ❤

23 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

sweet.
added to my “fifty cracking tunes” playlist.
Which now contains 547 tunes.

23 04 2010
Kat

Ha ha. Brilliant.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

My 2 year old son sings NO SLEEP TILL BOOK WIN!

*effing proud*

22 04 2010
pinky has a brain

My kids used to sing “No sleep till broccoli”

22 04 2010
Lurker

Shirley,

Are you the very quintessence?

22 04 2010
Shirley M

No, Lurker. As I have already stated, I’m the Higgs Boson.

Are you a little bit slow?

23 04 2010
James Hunter

Give the man Ritalin

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Book win! Seriously.

22 04 2010
gregbie

My twins were singing along to John Spencer Blues Explosion at 3.

“Orange” was a great hip-hop album.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

The blues are number one!

22 04 2010
gregbie

Shirley, choo got da flavor!

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL.

The flavour? Who’s the flavour? Maybe Shirl came here, just to save ya?

22 04 2010
gregbie

I really hope you typed that whilst wearing an 18th century french clock attatched to a phat gold chain.

22 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You just don’t know what time it is, son. You can axe me if I know though.

And your couch got a rip in it.

22 04 2010
gregbie

cold medina indeed

22 04 2010
Shirley M

Yo couch, Fiona. Yo couch.

22 04 2010
pinky has a brain

My daughter thinks Morris Major and the minors are awesome, she just loves it, cracks me up

23 04 2010
Tombarina

Did we remember that Morris Minor & the Majors had another hit in Australia? “This is the chorus”, taking the pi$$ out of Bananarama, Spandau Ballet, the Stock Aitken & Waterman drivel, etc

22 04 2010
Valo

Thank you TBL, this is the one I have been waiting for and I was not disappointed!

22 04 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter. You and chubbybloodfart ought to start a group. With a month’s worth of guitar lessons under his Lowes Big Mens belt, I’m sure he now shreds that Aldi semi-acoustic. Plus, he may still own the Jim’s Mowing van, which would come in handy for hauling the rig.

I will name the ensemble: Situation Vacant!! Obviously it covers all the bases. #1 The state of mental health of both of you, #2 the state of employment (or lack of employment) of both of you & #3 it has a maxtreme, old school, punk-like ring to it.

I offer management while you, pops, can be the assistant to the manager, with your first duty to ‘phone The Enmore.

22 04 2010
Tombarina

JH, Chubster – please, please let this go though to the keeper.

Today’s page has been such a cracking read – just ignore baiting rubbish like this.

Peter, please find something relevant to write about, there’s a good chap.

Thank you, gentlemen.

22 04 2010
James Hunter

Tombarina,
“we are one”

23 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

W.A.R.N.

23 04 2010
James Hunter

Tombarina,
I just logged on and notice that there is still occasionally the sound of locusts in the air?

22 04 2010
Edward

The trouble with bogan adherents of Aussie hip-hop is that when they are confronted with the names of 5 artists by a fan of new wave and punk music who’s sixteen years older than them, they’ve only heard of The Hilltop Hoods and the Herd. It’s like saying that you like 60’s music when you really mean that you like the Beatles. Corey must die.

22 04 2010
Juansito

Skip Hop started in Sydney for me nearly 20 years ago when i watched Def Wish Cast. Aya.

Youtube them.

22 04 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter, ‘we are’ nothing of the kind.

Tombarina: stop your grizzlin’ you poor (in every description of the word) repressed born again Christian.

22 04 2010
pinky has a brain

I always thought the VB add was a brilliant piece of ‘rap’ for the bogan. 😀

22 04 2010
ColinJ

Remember how utter shit Def FX were?

I was thinking of sucky Australian music and I suddenly remembered them.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

I have a Def FX poster from the ‘Kill all the real girls’ tour.

Yes. They were shit.

22 04 2010
Tombarina

I don’t remember Def FX….

22 04 2010
Tombarina

Oh, now I do.
Thanks for nothing, Col & Shirl. Now I have to live with that.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

Fiona Horne? Went on to write a book about being a modern day witch and became a minor television celebrity?

You may recall the song ‘White Bullet’. It was a very post-modern ditty about the humble tampon.

22 04 2010
Tombarina

She’s a nuclear-grade f$*kwit. Again, thanks a bunch for the memory-jog.

If I may return the favour….Madison Avenue. Not rap. Not hip-hop. Just $hite. Go stick THAT in your pipe & smoke it.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

Get F*CKED!

*Deep breath*. 2 more champagnes and MA will be back down in the depths of sub-conscious.

Sorry for my outburst.

22 04 2010
JimC

Madison Avenue; the novelty pop act who swiftly fell apart after they tried to perform live.

Yipes!

22 04 2010
vivisection

For that , I give you Frente, Accidently Kelly Street and a big Angie Hart girlie giggle

22 04 2010
Shirley M

Oh Frente were ok. At least they competently played real instruments. Granted, Accidentally Kelly Street was a bit lame, but Ordinary Angels was a cool song.

22 04 2010
vivisection

Ok until Accidently Kelly Street which poisoned all memories of works before. She was annoying though

22 04 2010
Tombarina

Viv, that is, without a doubt, my most-hated Australian musical turd of all time. It eclipses MadAv, DefFX, any over-singing Idol wannabe or soapie nightmare. It’s even worse than Check-1-2.

I want to stab you with a pencil for mentioning it.

22 04 2010
vivisection

I will stoically accept that stabbing 🙂 It may help me forget it myself

22 04 2010
vivisection

beyond shit , some might say

22 04 2010
Tombarina

Kiddies, I was so amused by the superb rapping here today, I’ve taken the liberty of compiling it all into one big righteous lump of HELL-YEAH goodness.

So: ALL DA BOGANS IN DA HOUSE, SAY “WAAAAARRRRRNNNNIIIIIEEEEE”

‘Straya’s had bogans for a real long time,
We’ve only recently learnt how to rap’n’rhyme.
We’re gonna tell you a story so you won’t be guessin’
Skip Hop’s gonna give y’all a history lesson.

Let’s go back to the time of Hoges, givin’ Aussie pride to the bogues
Dealing with trouble and strife? Mate, “that’s not a knife!”…

I’ve been milkin’ a cow and draggin’ a plough,
the thirst for ale, I got it right now.
Once upon a time a bogue would down a Vic Bitter
Now locally-brewed imported is better.

In days of yore, bogan weapons were blunt,
Now the nu-bogue screams “I’ll glass the c*nt!”
MaxXxtreme violence is the Bogue’s way of life,
Along with anal burglary of the wife

*Chicka-chicka-boom-boom*

Now, oim not a bogue, oim a fair-dinkum Aussie
With troibal tatts and a well-filled cossie
Oim true-blue. And orange. And I’m comin to getcha
Youse wogs, poofs and Asians, and towelheads, etcetera
Cos we were ‘ere first, we’re the real f@*kin’ deal
And we only do “ethnic” on a takeaway meal
So put your “guns” in the air, it’s Aussie time
And listen to me while I trot out words that sound somewhat similar…

*Scratching sound of Pandora Charms jangling away*

I didn’t give a f*ck about learnin’ at school,
I’m a hard core anti-interlectual.
I worked in the mines, gotta pocket full of dollars,
Oi! Cashed-up bogans! Give me a holler!

The hottest bitch on the block got a bracelet on her arm,
Pandora, f*ck yeah, I buy that bitch charms.
She looks so pretty with her sparkly jingly bling,
I love the sound it makes when I take her in the ring.

*Insane scratching interlude*

I got Bra’s in cars wiv Southern Cross stars
Hardy and Mother bombs, locals-only bars.
We f&$k ar$e with no class
She’s got a coaster for a tramp stamp so you can rest your f$*kin’ glass.

We grew here, you flew here I’ll smash ya, ya c#*t
I’m in the big black Commo, says chevvy on the front

Everybody say hey-now (hey-now)
F#*k off, we’re full (blah, blah, blah…)

© 2010. All rights reserved, unless some c%$t’s looking for a f*$kin’ glassing. And we’ll sool Slater & Gordon onto ya.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

Tombarina, you are like the mum of the family sticking all our crappy artworks on the fridge.

Mwah!

22 04 2010
Shirley M

I may have said ‘crappy artworks’, but what I meant was maxtremely awesome freestylin’.

22 04 2010
Tombarina

Pleasure, treasure. I honestly laughed myself silly reading some of today’s burnt offerings.

Must dash – a couple of posts up, Everyone’s Special Friend Peter has unerringly identified me as a “grizzling, poor (in every sense of the word), repressed, born again Christian”. So it’s off to the soup kitchen for a handout, a spot of moral outrage, a whinge, then some a-churchin’.

Nite, kids.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

You know what? It’s just occurred to me that my paramour and I have a full recording studio in our spare room. There is absolutely no reason why we can’t record this compilation… except for laziness, of course.

Stay tuned….

22 04 2010
Shirley M

We could conceivably become rich. Fiona, who does not need the money, will of course donate her share to the DNA.

22 04 2010
vivisection

Shirley, do you think our get rich quick schemes and half arsed plans might be just lightly bogue? I think i may start a short self-awareness course to explore this concern.

22 04 2010
Shirley M

They’re only bogue if they fail. We’ll burn that bridge down when we come to it. 😛

22 04 2010
vivisection

Or as a boguette would say to another post glassing – “build a bridge and get over it”

22 04 2010
brad

“we’re not worthy,we’re not worthy”

22 04 2010
pb

tombarina – and all those who contributed to the great tbl rap – thankyou. that truly is a thing of beauty. i wave my arms in awe.

23 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. *waves my hands in the air like I just do care*

Somehow.

23 04 2010
Sten

Fantastic work, everyone, and big ups to Tombarina for collating it all. This needs to go in the book, methinks.

22 04 2010
Anonymous

This skip-hop song was quite some time before Hilltop Hoods:

I saw it on rage one late Saturday night. Still crap. Not much has changed with Australian high-hop except the new stuff is somewhat pretentious and more *bling bling*.

22 04 2010
Anonymous

Oh and I can’t believe no one has mentioned Joel Turner and The Modern Day Poets. What an abomination!

23 04 2010
Tombarina

Well, THAT was uncalled-for, Anon! We managed to get through the whole day without anyone trotting out JT. And then you just HAD to spoil it…. 🙂

23 04 2010
Benjamin

It was spoiled long before Anonymous spoke up.

I’m just so happy that many of the names don’t ring any bells for me.

Oh good grief. “Ring My Bell”. Now I’ve done it.

23 04 2010
Tombarina

“removes gloves*
All-righty, then.

Noeline Donaher: No Regrets
Bruce Samazan: One of a Kind
Chantoozies: Witch Queen of New Orleans
Freaked Out Flower Children: Spill the Wine
Stefan Dennis: Don’t It Make You Feel Good
Warwick Capper: I Only Take What’s Mine

Don’t blame me, Benjamin. You brought this on yourself.

23 04 2010
vivisection

Kim Durant : Love You Brisbane

23 04 2010
vivisection

Nearly forgot ,
Km Durant : Love you Perth.

I only have the Brisbane version on vinyl, never could find the Perth release. If you don’t know it, you tube it -was used as a tv promo in 1983 and released onto the charts. Classic

23 04 2010
Tombarina

Love you Brisbane (love you Brisbane)
‘Cos you mean the world to me
We laugh, we cry, we struggle we try
There’s no place I’d rather beeeeeeeeee
Love you Brisbane….

*wanders off in search of a red harem-panted evening garment with sparkly bits, and some nice blue eyeshadow*

23 04 2010
Benjamin

Ha! I think you may be causing collateral damage, but I have evaded your otherwise powerful attack.

Of those I have heard of only one. And it’s not as bad as Mellisa Tkautz or whoever sang “Ring My Bell”.

I think I must be a very lucky man. Thank you, I’ve been having a bad week, and you have reminded me about how much worse it could be.

*WARN*

23 04 2010
Shirley M

Ring my Bell was Collette, Benjamin. Melissa was ‘Read my Lips’. Scroll up some if you would like to revisit the lyrical stylings of this top ten hit.

23 04 2010
Benjamin

I was referring to both Melissa (as Melissa) and Collette (as “whoever sang Ring My Bell”). Sorry – I wasn’t very clear.

Anyway I can laugh at the memory of “Read My Lips”. Dunno why, normally it would be crushing.

23 04 2010
vivisection

Craig Mclachlan and Check 1-2 – Mona
Ian Moss : Tuckers Daughter

23 04 2010
Shirley M

Jason Donovan: Sealed with a Kiss.

23 04 2010
Shirley M

This is what happens when TBL don’t give us a new post.

I don’t like it one bit.

23 04 2010
vivisection

This one is “Especially for You” , Shirley M

23 04 2010
Benjamin

Post of the day, sir. Well done.

23 04 2010
Benjamin

Kick Fiona ’till she writes a new one. Perhaps we can contribute to a new blog on their off days.

Maybe someone could grab “thingsnotlikedbypeoplewholikethingsboganslike.wordpress.com”

It can fill the gaps and give us something else to talk about.

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Great minds huh Viv.

23 04 2010
vivisection

Imagine if we used them for good instead of evil…

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Mark “Jacko” Jackson – I’m an Individual.

23 04 2010
vivisection

Don’t make me go novelty on you!

23 04 2010
vivisection

Shut Uppa Ya Face

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Joe Dolce – Shut uppa your face.

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Your stealing all my material!

23 04 2010
vivisection

Pushbike Song

23 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Joe Dolce’s later stuff is better – you know, when he became Paul Kelly.

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Bec Cartwright – All seats taken.

Damn you Viv you made me go medievil on your arse

23 04 2010
vivisection

Up there Cazally (sic)

23 04 2010
vivisection

Dear God, i feel like the Rainman of shit australian novelty acts – somebody else, please give me one i dont know

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

You arsked for it

Gary Sweet – Most People I know think that I am Crazy!

23 04 2010
vivisection

AAAAAAHHHH, the humanity

23 04 2010
vivisection

Its not asutralian , but screw it

Agadoo

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Did you know that Noelene Donaher from Sylvania Waters released a song called “No Regrets”.

It was surprisingly unsuccessfull.

23 04 2010
vivisection

Rolf Harris : Stairway to Heaven, Jake the Peg Leg whatever …

23 04 2010
vivisection

What s shock that Noelene failed, she the right voice, the right face? HWat went worng. Wouldnt it be great if the Paxtons released an Oz Hip Hop? It’s not too late if they read this.

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Corey Worthington – Fight for your right to Party.

23 04 2010
vivisection

He should cover Pink’s Get the Party Started, guaranteed Bogue hit and keeps Beastie Boys from being tarnished

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Cameron Daddo and his countryesque stylings.

I think for my sanity it may need to stop here.

23 04 2010
vivisection

I’ll have to go on workcover if it continues. After all, someone will have to be accountable for not stopping me. Looking for Slater and Gordon number in case..

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms
23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

http://poptrashaddicts.blogspot.com/2007/02/singing-soap-stars-my-top-24-countdown.html

Ok, one more.

Here Deltra gets called a c*nt so thought you should see it.

23 04 2010
vivisection

That’s a brilliant website! Can you believe Marilyn form Home and Away covered a Hendrix Song! This is dangerous

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

And we forgot Toni Pearen!

23 04 2010
pb

what about kyle sandilands’ wife’s song?

23 04 2010
vivisection

She would be like a repressed sex abuse memory. One day you will be doing the groceries and you’ll pick up a box of weetbix and flash!!, an image of Toni Pearan rushes forth from the subconscious , leaving you on the floor, fetal position, sobbing while trying to call your court appointed psychiatrist.

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Dude, that was uncalled for!

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

*To PB*

23 04 2010
vivisection

pb : is that the delightful Tamsin Sursock? What kind of name is that? I could of told her it would be over too soon with a name like Tamsin Sursock.

23 04 2010
pb

viv, no, kyle’s wife is tamara jaber, who was in that popstars group scandal’us and then released a song (which i thankfully haven’t heard) based on the schoolyard rhyme ‘ooh aah, i lost my bra, i left it in my boyfriend’s car’.
oh god, i just looked up the lyrics (http://artists.letssingit.com/tamara-jaber-lyrics-ohh-ahh-m6n5hgb if you are game) and it truly is an abomination. it appears to even have a rap breakdown in the middle of it. the horror!
simon, sorry, but in my defence i didn’t start this.

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

True, but some depths are best left unplumbed.

23 04 2010
vivisection

Boys are rotten, made of cotton???? Who wrote this drivel, Kyle?

23 04 2010
pb

simon, i think you’re right – i’ve got the damn rhymes stuck in my own head now. that’ll teach me for trying to out-novelty song everyone. i stand ready for a well-deserved glassing.

23 04 2010
vivisection

Let he who hasn’t sinned , cast the first glass

*glass*

😉

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Those who admit they are wrong are already on the road to redemption.

23 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Or for those of us with a higher degree in the Classics…

“Let he who hath not bogued glass the first c*nt”.

*glass*

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I may have to relinquish my title, I am getting out glassed.

*Furiously lashes out with both hands glass, glass*

23 04 2010
Shirley M

Boys are sexy, made out of pepsi.

Get f*cked now please, Mrs Sandilands.

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Kyle Sandilands had a wife called Tamara
No talent, No drama
I’ll pen a song
She will win a gong
Then up her arse I will Jaber

23 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Simon, only I have the power to rescind your title and I have no intention of doing so.

Glass away with impunity.

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Thankyou my Leige.

23 04 2010
vivisection

or at work even.

23 04 2010
vivisection

how did this get here ?- should be higher up.

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

May I lob the grenade of Craig Mclaghlin’s Check 1 2 with their classic ballad Mona?

23 04 2010
vivisection

snooze you lose !

23 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

How about The Blakeney Twins? Don’t remember the song name.

23 04 2010
vivisection

The Monitors – singing in the 80’s – great song!

23 04 2010
James Hunter

Benji,
I doubt that any of us would willingly “ring your bell”

23 04 2010
Peter

Tombarina you need to collaborate with James Hunter and that master shredder of the Aldi semi-acoustic, chubbybloodfart and lay down some of this shit.

23 04 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter, I recommend a name change to enhance your stage presence and my suggestion, Joaquin Hunter, has a suitably thespian ring to it. James gives every indication that you’re from Armidale – or worse still, England. Or worst of all: Queensland. My alternate recommendation is Rafael.

Oh, James Hunter…

23 04 2010
big_fat_floppy_juloppies

rap is the lowest form of music.Im sure the anti bogues totally “get it” though.Makes sense.

23 04 2010
Will S

Uppity black fellas and their rapping! Should never’ve let’m outta the missions!

23 04 2010
Shirley M

Exactly. What are they even doing with microphones?

23 04 2010
North_Shore_Mummy

Glass the Carnts!

23 04 2010
pinky has a brain

Thanks guys, I have nearly died laughing reading this. You guys are my FREAKING hero’s.

😀

23 04 2010
Bryce

I had a neighbour in manly who would literally rap at 3am in the morning. To my astonishment the kid was white and skinny! He was busting lines like “fuck you ho”. What does a kid who can afford to live in Manly have to be angry about?

23 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. The fact that he can only afford to live in Manly?

23 04 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
could it be that he wants to get out of manly ?

23 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. A worthwhile subject of a rap, if ever I heard one.

24 04 2010
Whistling Nixie

A song by cult duo Sparks comes to mind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFP4aByUfxA
Sums the phenomenon up, really, if in a showtunish sort of way.

24 04 2010
pb

well, i have it on good authority that the school motto of manly boys is ‘turning manly boys into manly men’ so maybe he was trying to compensate for going to a school with such a hilariously camp motto?

24 04 2010
James Hunter

Pb,
sure that was not “turning Manly boys into mainly men” ?

23 04 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

While we are on the subject I thought I’d throw this one out there. It’s a certain classic. Before you watch, check out a movie called ‘Cool as Ice’, one of my all time fave’s…

23 04 2010
martin

The Down Under song. If I hear that song again I’m going to glass someone.

23 04 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

Does anyone find it ironic that the glasses people use on cunts are called ‘Headmaster’ which is actually printed on the glass itself…

http://pint.com.au/brewforum/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=175

23 04 2010
Nelson Esq

Off topic, this great article in today’s HS…the first steps of the deboganisation of society has begun!! Let’s hope that it gains some momentum!!
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/short-skirts-out-manners-are-in-at-bentleigh-secondary-college/story-e6frf7jo-1225857188685

23 04 2010
North_Shore_Mummy

Oh now that is good news, and in my experience kids do indeed respond very favourably to boundaries and limits.

As parents many seem to have forgotten that!

24 04 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

Is that hope I am feeling?

23 04 2010
Shirley M

Who remembers the song ‘Wonderful’ by Ja Rule, featuring a couple of other f*cktards… R Kelly I think and some slag. I used to laugh and laugh and laugh whenever I saw the film clip. Here is a sample of the lyrics to jog your memories.

If it wasn’t for the money, cars and movies stars and jewels
And all these things I got
I wonder, hey
Would you still want me?

The answer of course, is of course not.

Speaking of R Kelly, any of you kids who are not acquainted with his hip-opera need to youtube it immediately.

23 04 2010
pb

isn’t he the guy who was accused of raping a 14 year old?

23 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Don’t forget the urination!

23 04 2010
Tombarina

So we’re climbing Mt Crappylyric? Here’s some grabs from one of the most self-serving musical bottom-nuggets of our time:

Children grow and women producing
Men go working, some go stealing
Everyone’s got to make a living
THEN…..
I stayed grounded as the amounts roll in
I’m real, I thought I told you; I’m real, even on Oprah
That’s just me. Nothin phony, don’t hate on me
THEN…..
Love my life and my public, Put God first
Then can’t forget to stay real
It take hard work to cash checks
So don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got, now assets
…GUESSED IT YET? YES! IT’S OUR FRIEND J-LO!!!!
Don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got
I’m still, I’m still Jenny from the block
Used to have a little, now I have a lot
No matter where I go, I know where I came from (from the Bronx!)

…she SO real! A real, self-referencing, self-absorbed piece of excrescence.

23 04 2010
Girl of Madness

I thought this may have already come up but it seems it hasn’t. CHRISTIAN Hip-hop. Rapping about how much you love Jesus. All the white kids down the road do it. Apparently some ultra cool Jesus Rapper from the States came for a visit and taught them Jesus love through rap! AAAHHHHH 😦

23 04 2010
Tombarina

I had no idea this genre existed. I’ve been so busy despising Christian rock (“Hey, everyone – look how gosh-darned with-it we are! Jesus is my homeboy.”) that it had honestly never occurred to me that rap could be an extension.

Don’t get me wrong – I love Christmas carols, and I sing along heartily at any wedding/christenings/funerals I’m forced to attend. But Christian rock/metal/rap/polka can jam it right up its clacker. What a try-hard, embarrassing concept.

24 04 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

I just threw up.

23 04 2010
Kat

Then there’s NZ hip hop!

23 04 2010
Tombarina

Awesome, Kat – hadn’t seen this! Love FOTC.

Also love this – all hail The Lonely Island.

23 04 2010
Kat

I watched that and I…

Jizzed in my pants.

26 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

The Lonely Island have a song called, “Dick in a box” and it is also very funny indeed.

I would recommend people check it out.

26 04 2010
Tombarina

Excellent reminder – that clip is hilarious.

Also worth a watch is “Cool Guys Don’t Look At Explosions”, which features Neil Diamond, JJ Abrams and the line “Mark Wahlberg is wearing a hat”.

I seriously LOVE the Lonely Island boys.

26 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Yeah, they are seriously funny.
I remember seeing their clip one morning and rolling around in hysterics. Many laughs I have had thanks to those lads.
I will check out that song you recommended.
Cheers.

23 04 2010
Tombarina

Like a boss, no doubt.

What makes On a Boat even funnier – and let’s face it, it’s da $hit from the get-go – is that something made as a pi$$take ended up as a Grammy finalist in the Best Hip Hop release category, thereby royally pi$$ing off precious little flowers like Kanye West.

Champagne stuff indeed.

23 04 2010
Peter

Bryce (11:27:34) :
I had a neighbour in manly

On Sydney’s North Shore Manly is bogan central, although in having that particular description it runs neck-and-neck with several other North Shore suburbs. The thing about the North Shore is: they’re so undeniably ignorant they fail to see how bogan they are. Another contributing fact is many an English male makes a beeline directly for Manly on arriving in Australia. Homosexual attraction based on the suburb’s name? I think not…

24 04 2010
martin

Manly is kind of more northern beaches imo. It’s true, it’s a bogan cesspool, simply *not* being a westie and or ‘goin’ for a surf’ does not make you immune from being a bogan.

I grew up on the northern beaches, the only advantage is that I am more often than not tougher than the people from the north shore, the eastern suburbs or the inner west, so I can glass them without too much hassle.

23 04 2010
Keeping Kosher Klansman

Talk of Like A Bawss, On A Boat, the Hiphopopotamus and R Kelly’s adventures in creative urination is all well and good – but y’all ain’t shit if y’all ain’t hip to the Christian Side Hug.

23 04 2010
Tombarina

KKK – I just watched Christian Side Hug, with lyrics. I’m not certain it’s a parody…

Please, please tell me it’s a pi$$take and we’ll call it square. Otherwise I may be forced to track down these kiddies and undertake a proper driveby.

23 04 2010
Tombarina

KKK, an addendum. Extensive research (AKA google) reveals this to be for real.

It’s so $hitenhausen that even young US bolted-on happy clappers were screaming with embarrassment.
One comment: “…a bunch of white youth pastors…mixing in some gang-ish hand signals, tying on a bandana, and securing some fake bling…”

And another: “The side-hug rap comes courtesy of an annual Christian youth gathering which hopes to “bring the power, authenticity, and relevance of Jesus Christ”. This potent combination of absurd chastity and mock hip-hop will be more likely to bring them the power of a schoolyard beat-down. And it wouldn’t be unwarranted.”

24 04 2010
Kat

Ah. This is the thread that keeps on giving.

24 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Just thought I should let all the film nerds know I rewatched The Big Lebowski last night so I will be hip to the beat on that one.

Am I wrong?

AM I WRONG?

24 04 2010
Shirley M

No Simon, you’re not wrong. You’re just an asshole. 😉

24 04 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

I love that movie, so funny “I didn’t fight in Nam…” MUHAHAHAHA

24 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Shut the f*ck up Shirley.

Am I getting the hang of it?

24 04 2010
Shirley M

You are. You are abiding very nicely.

24 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Thank you, going rug shopping now.

24 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. It’d better be to replace the rug you micturated on in my study.

24 04 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
So it’s Out !! Simon a serial micturater, surely you (e)gest ,or are you (doing a Ghandi) simply “taking the piss”

24 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

James, don’t let my secret leak!

24 04 2010
James Hunter

Simon, you or the girls so skilled in the art can write the can turn this into a song.
something about “golden showers” to the music of “Pearly Shells” (Burl Ives)

24 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. My rug sir!

24 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Fi, I bet it tied the room together huh?

24 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Indeed sir! Now replace it for me.

24 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Sure, Rugs a Million are have an importer who is in trouble and are giving 95% off their already low prices so should be able to pick up something noice for you.

24 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Actually, you can replace it with an Afghan I can throw over a couch. Off to Afghanistan with you!

24 04 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
If I were you,god forbid, I would be very careful about inviting an afgahanie into your home ,even if just to “throw him over your couch” as you so quaintly put it.
Personally I shouldn’t give a “toss” but please be carefull. Penicillian no longer fixes everything.

24 04 2010
Tombarina

Bogue-beloved publication Ralph ran a competition about 10 years ago inviting readers (ne’er has the word been more loosely bandied about) to send in a photo of a rug store that WASN’T having a sale. No fire sale, no closing-down sale, no liquidation, relocation, EOFY, Easter, Ramadan sale – none.

It took 10 months for the prize to go off.

25 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Did not pick you as a Ralph reader Tombarina.

25 04 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
Tombarina may have been ” acting on information recieved ” ?

It is a good story though,
Maybe TBL could run a competition ,? Come to think on it ,
Hardly Normal,
Mainly Joyce
Domayne,
Mr Snooze,
Freedom Furniture,
Fantastic (crap) Furniture,
Dominoes Pizzas,
PetBarn
The Good Guys
Dick Smith
Coles
Woolworths
All the same one sale starts before the last one ends
Think how much cheaper goods could be without the constant barage of advertising?
I throw away the equivalent of half a phone book every couple of weeks from Junk mail that stuffs the four pages that make up the local “newspaper” Of course they are all “Rural Press” which is another Rupert tool to gouge money from the unsuspecting.
Grrrrr

25 04 2010
Tombarina

Not a Ralph reader – saw it at a vet surgery.

Rural Press is actually Fairfax, not Uncle Rupert – originally majority-owned by a branch of the Fairfax family, but more recently bundled in with the overall Fairfax Media empire.

RP would rival APN as the most unashamedly advertising-focused media player around – to a truly disgraceful level, which is why your local paper is almost certainly a $hite read, chockful of barely-disguised advertorial (ie plugs), politically Conservative, and with a much higher ratio of ads-to-editorial.

25 04 2010
James Hunter

Tombarina,
Thanks for putting me right.
The examples here and the ones in S.A that I was familiar with .. all the same.
absolutely crap. do anything to get an add and dont nesessarily deliver what you ask for.
The loose leaf adds that are included are twenty to thirty times the number and weight of the paper which is usually two sheets folded to give eight pages. and most of that is paid advertising as well! couple of small articles about local sport or some sensationalist dribble and that is it. No wonder the things are free. No one would pay for them and usually i transfer it from the front lawn to the wheelie bin unopened. Criminal waste of trees !

24 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

He will be hard to get through immigration though. Bring the camel as well?

24 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I look forward to watching you attempt it on “Border Patrol”.

25 04 2010
James Hunter

A.Q.U.I.S. will nail him yea!

24 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I won’t ask why you want to throw him over the couch. What happens in the Manse stays in the Manse, however Jimmie is correct re penicillin.

24 04 2010
Bogue_under_fire

mmmm…

25 04 2010
Peter

martin (17:15:01) :
“Manly is kind of more northern beaches imo”

Manly and Sydney’s Northern Beaches are both located on Sydney’s North Shore. By which I mean both are vile and repulsive. To take a random look at the differences between Manly and, say, Lindfield, one thing is glaringly apparent: Lindfield’s attempt to undermine the Establishment adopted bone-coloured chinos and Pringle jumpers as its uniform whereas Manly went the more traditional route via an Ed Hardy and tribal tattoo ensemble. It’s mainly a generational thing, although that doesn’t stop inhabitants of either suburb glowing with smug self-satisfaction.

25 04 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter, just back from marching and was wondering if you were among those onlookers positioned along Bathurst Street just outside the Duke Of Edinburgh pub? The marching ends nearby but the spectators in that part of parade are usually to oiled to do any more than shout “Good onya, mate” at anyone bearing even a slight military countenance. Very much of the people. Felt sure you’d be there…

6 05 2010
Po

“accent that sounded a bit like Robbo blueing with his missus”

love that

11 07 2010
Reza

what kind of hip hop ?

1 12 2010
bob of tumac

LMAO what a great subject

25 03 2011
Brodie

Aussie hiphop is a better way of explaining the way life is for young Australians growing up me as an Aussie rapper. I go through unusural things in life and music helps me express and share it with the world

25 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

What the hell are you talking about Brodie?

11 05 2011
James Hunter

Siege,
Suggest you get together with Peter Thornton, he would be more your type.

31 10 2011
Paul

I present a Hip Hop show on a local community radio station and there is very little to like about Australian Hip Hop. There are some fantastic beat producers in this country and a handful of people that can perhaps demonstrate some skills on the microphone. The problem here though is the accent – the Australian accent doesn’t lend itself well to rhyming over a beat and as a result their delivery sounds staccato at best.Furthermore for some reason the content of their lyrics is very amature and for a lot (not all) of them fail to write smart lines.

15 11 2011
Sonja

I’m sorry but we can turn our attention to
“delivered in an accent that sounded a bit like Robbo blueing with his missus.”

Genius.

28 02 2012
Epic

“chevrolet commodores which only recently announced the imminent arrival of the vengabus”

Brilliant…also “Robbo blueing with his missus” bravo….

15 01 2014
faloop

Australian hip hop is the most ridiculous sounding crap i have ever had the displeasure of hearing. The whole aussie hip hop/rap scene brings a whole new meaning to the word wannabe. Rapping about the hard life in Australia, what a bloody joke. Live in a detroit ghetto for a month.

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