#130 – Celebrity Fragrances

20 04 2010

Celebrities are better than the rest of us in every way. The bogan understands this in an intuitive, unassailable manner that many of us are simply not equipped to embrace fully. For decades now, the bogan has been striving to look, act and sound as much like a celebrity – either an actual celebrity or a generic notion of one – that there really were few places left to go. It now wants to smell like one.

But just what does a celebrity smell like? This is a mystery as most bogans’ interaction with actual famous people extends no further than the television, radio or trash mag. Luckily, there are celebrities at hand just waiting to tell the bogan exactly how it smells! And first to the post was ultra-mega-super-x-treme bogan icon Britney Spears.

She first released ‘Curious’, and the bogan, who responded to the name by inquiring fervently at the fragrance counter at Myer after it, wound up slathering itself in ‘Curious’ for a solid year after it received a bright pink bottle of the stuff from its hulking life partner for Christmas. Unfortunately, Britney then just managed to confuse the bogan. Over subsequent Yules (the bogan is most interested in smelling like celebrities in December, it seems) Britney released ‘Fantasy’, ‘In Control’ and ‘Believe’. It’s Curious that the bogan never realised that it’s a Fantasy to Believe that Britney was ever In Control of her odour.

The bogan, who at no point questioned the fact that the stuff these bottles emitted smelt something like a lactating salamander, was dismayed at the array of smells Britney was throwing its way. What did she really smell like? This anti-existential pain caused the bogan to look further afield.

Thankfully, there was no shortage of other celebrities the bogan could now opt to smell like. Gwyneth Paltrow (‘Pure White Linen Light Breeze’, ‘Pleasures’, ‘Pleasures Delights’), J.Lo (‘JLo Glow’, ‘Still’, ‘Miami Glow’, ‘Love at First Glow’, ‘Live’, ‘Live Luxe’, ‘Glow After Dark’, ‘Deseo’, ‘Deseo Forever’, ‘Live Platinum’, ‘Sunkissed Glow’),  Christina Aguilera (‘Xpose’, ‘Christina Aguilera by Christina Aguilera’, ‘Inspire’, ‘Christina Aguilera: By Night’) and of course, Paris Hilton (‘Just Me’, ‘Heiress’, ‘Can Can’, ‘Fairy Dust’, ‘Siren’), Katie ‘Jordan’ Price (‘Stunning’, ‘Besotted’) and Kim Kardashian (‘Voluptuous’) all offered the bogan sufficient dubious connections to the world of celebrity, while smelling suspiciously like balsamic vinegar.

The male bogan, having blindly purchased the required stink for whichever appropriate female bogan it is pursuing, realises that the fierce musk its target now reeks of acts as an effective negating agent of the Lynx Effect. The bogan laments.

NOTE: Yes, we know this was the perfect time for a Carl Williams-oriented post, but we feel we said enough here. TBL


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343 responses

20 04 2010
Glass 'em all

“the stuff these bottles emitted smelt something like a lactating salamander”

Gold.

20 04 2010
Glass 'em all

And yes, thanks for having the grace not to join the stampede to fetishise that inbred little murderer. A Royal Commission into his death indeed…

20 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

Well yes, but just wait for the canonisation of St Carl by bogues one and all.

And just wait for the ‘factual’ analysis of the circs surrounding by bogues as they assess the likelihood of ordering it and so on.

All of which will subtly underscore the bogue’s risque connections, seemingly intimate knowledge and glamour-by-association. Street cred OD coming up!

20 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

ooh, that would be

‘ likelihood of (insert first name of crim) ordering it.

WordPress doesn’t like the greater-than signs it seems.

20 04 2010
Shirley M

I had no idea J-Lo had released so many fragrances, and all with such ridiculous names.

I know you did the lynx thing for the boys, TBL, but would have liked to have seen some mention of the celebrity aftershaves on the market. I was forced to buy a bottle of David Beckham’s ‘Instinct’ for my brother’s christmas gift a couple of years ago. It smelled like arse.

It was certainly on our minds, but then listing but a small fraction of the ladies’ smells pushed us way over our word limit…TBL

20 04 2010
Shirley M

Fair point, TBL. I mean, you didn’t even get a chance to mention SJP’s ‘Covet’, which had the most vomit inducing fragrance ad of all time.

20 04 2010
Shirley M

Just in case you haven’t seen it (or wish to relive it)

20 04 2010
North_Shore_Mummy

Mmmm Classy!!!

20 04 2010
Tombarina

That’s insane. She looks like a deranged horse in a tutu.

20 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

No, she is a deranged horse in a tutu.

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

hohohohohoho

20 04 2010
ZH

Classic – a cross between a horse and a foot

20 04 2010
Sten

Pardon me, Simon, but I find your remark offensive. I’ve met some rather splendid horses.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

Hear Hear!

20 04 2010
reparty

I was thinking all she had to do was take a leak in the vat for that “eau de horse piss” aroma.

20 04 2010
20 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Brilliant. But which one was SJP?

20 04 2010
Tombarina

Pulang, that’s divine. Thank you.

20 04 2010
James Hunter

ShirlyM,
Smells like arse?
I have a feeling most may well surender to your wealth of experience?

20 04 2010
Shirley M

My wealth of experience in sampling ‘Instinct’ and offering a simile, you mean?

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

thankyou so much for not saying carl williams “orientated” post.

20 04 2010
Tone

That’s what I love about TBL: they are too classy to go the low hanging fruit.

Meanwhile, back on topic … I didn’t realise that the Stench Of Britney smelled like lactating salamander. I always thought it would smell more like Cheetos and Skank.

20 04 2010
Shirley M

hahaha… cheetos and skank.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

with a little baby vomit and ashtray…

20 04 2010
Shirley M

and just a hint of fried chicken grease.

20 04 2010
WordNerd

Salty garbage

20 04 2010
Antosha

With just a hint of Sulphur Dioxide ‘afterglow’

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

…And some diesel fumes on the top notes.

20 04 2010
Sten

Nah, Tone, the eau de hussy for Britney would surely be whisky and cigarettes. Still, it is “Curious” how she is still relevant… teen pop “sensations” so seldom last this long… ten years and counting.

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

For the same reason people go to Motor Races and hope for a crash.
She’s another Warnie, as much as we despise them we just can’t wait for them to screw the pooch again.

As for why people buy her music, I am completely baffled.

20 04 2010
Sten

Well yes, Edna, I suppose she *does* feed the Bogan’s insatiable craving for celebrity gossip and scandal. As to her off-key catterwauling (apparently she can very rarely hold a note… bravo fancy electronics!) moving units, I too am baffled.

20 04 2010
Blue Collar, Holla

Maybe another appeal is the fact that they do smell like lactating salamanders, considering the bogan love of keeping xtreme pets like reptiles, in their house, next to the staffy, next to the cot.

20 04 2010
Will S

Nothing bogan about herps, really. Maybe not knowing that amphibians don’t lactate though…

20 04 2010
toony

…and that salamanders aren’t available in Australia legally! As a fellow herper, well said.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

Go Herpers!

20 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

And I see from the photo that Britts has employed the power of side boob in the marketing.

20 04 2010
Benjamin

At the risk of a glassing, I’ve got to disagree. I think that outfit is probably on the modest side for her.

If that was the goal, there would be much more on display here…

20 04 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
If they want to use “side boob” in marketing then m,aybe they should have a Nigella Lawson fragrance? smells like a musky bedroom with strawberries and whipped cream?

20 04 2010
Sten

James, brilliant idea. I can’t wait for the TV ads!

20 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

With a hint of Earl Grey. Now there are boobs of power.

20 04 2010
Tubesteak

Skanque

Smellin’ of Troy

Bogans have been trying to smell famous since Chanel No.5

20 04 2010
North_Shore_Mummy

Pfffttt… none of them get my $$$

I’m holding out for Paris Hilton’s – Asphyxia

20 04 2010
James Hunter

North shore Milf,
How do you breath through Asphyxia?

20 04 2010
North_Shore_Mummy

James – I ask myself that everytime I am forced to be in the same space as bogue femmes – I seriously nearly passed out on Saturday whilst holding my breath all the way through the vile hordes on the way into the cinema on Saturday.

Those crap perfumes are all Asphyxiating.. I am just waiting for some witty marketing person to actually slap the name on the latest concoction, and watch whilst Sheeleeeya and Millah swoon over it.

20 04 2010
James Hunter

North Shore Milf,
The stench is even greater when they have been out for a fag en mass in a meal break or interval ,or just outside the entrance to a shopping mall. the cheap perfumes and the ciggy fumes combine into something deadly. come to think of it one of the most stenchy areas is on the covered way from the car park into the John Hunter Hospital. Notionally a non smoking area. god you have to try and hold your breath while walking fifty mtrs as fast as you can

20 04 2010
Snag

I’m guessing they would have smelt worse than Bear’s jacket that got sprayed by a skunk on Man vs Wild last night?

20 04 2010
pb

worse than skunk – terrifying idea. i’ve smelt skunk and it really is like nothing else.

20 04 2010
JimC

Mate, I used to work at a hospital and I have deep wells of lingering hatred for all the lazy, thoughtless bogans who would stand about a foot inches away from the entrance (on a completely non-smoking site, of course) and puff away.

And anytime you went in or out of the building you’d have to walk through a cloud of foul stench. And my favourite was the two smoking bogans having a chat, one on each side of the door. That was always fun.

As for shitty perfumes, I always like the old Tony Martin radio sketch where he did an add for ‘Slaque Moll’, the perfume for bogan scrags.

20 04 2010
Antosha

A similar experience can be had outside the Queensland Transport building near St Stephen’s Cathedral in Brisbane. Hold your breath and run.

20 04 2010
North_Shore_Mummy

Appologies for the double Saturdays.. the horror is still fresh and I have not quite recovered yet.

20 04 2010
Juansito

More like “catch of the day” or “seamen”

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

I am, in fact, prepared to PAY for Paris Hilton’s asphyxia.

20 04 2010
Tombarina

You passing the hat around, Chub?
I’ll donate my Carl-related winnings from yesterday.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

…no need tomba.
the appeal was surprisingly well subscribed.
I think we have enough for Lindsay Lohan’s Demise also.

congrats on the big win buddy!
Ned Kelly indeed.

20 04 2010
Tombarina

It’s harsh and unjustified to suggest that Britter’s fragrances aren’t actually the essence of “her”. It’s marketing, people. No one would line up to buy “Slurry”. Or “Strumpet”. Or “Oh, $ht I forgot to wear undies. Again.”

But, TBL, you’ve missed the fragrance big ‘un. Hummer. The essence of an oversized, unsustainable, willy-replacement Yank-tank in a bottle.

I spotted Hummer on SALE, SALE, SALE!!! recently, and squawking, tramp-stamped, fake-nailed, tandoori-hued, Roxy-wearing fembogues were all over it like white on rice.

Was I wrong to laugh?

20 04 2010
pinky has a brain

No you were not, it would wrong if you didn’t. Hilarious Tombarina, hilarious. Best laugh all day.

20 04 2010
Tombarina

Glad you agree, Pinky.

Because I actually DID laugh. On the outside. My Beloved told me I was being a beeyatch, but I maintain that they had it coming.

20 04 2010
Antosha

Harsh but fair Tombarina… you were harsh.. but fair.

20 04 2010
Pete

The slogan “Do you dare?” in Britt’s ad highlights something else bogans like: answering rhetorical questions.

“Do I ever!” replies the bogan without thinking…

20 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Britts suptle invitation to come in the back door?

20 04 2010
Juansito

Her scent would smell like tuna tbh..maybe tuna thats been beaten and left to dry up at 4am in a side lane.

20 04 2010
pb

wouldn’t that be jessica simpson? or would hers be chicken?

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

Vague by Jessica Simpson.
you’re never quite sure if it’s on or not…

20 04 2010
vivisection

I like “Scruss” from Jessica Simpson

20 04 2010
vivisection

Bonito

20 04 2010
James Hunter

Do any of the boags realise that the animal musks that so much of these smells is are used by animals to mark their teritory? to make it smell of them and as a warning to other males to stay away.?
So maybe the boagettes are confused? they think it attracts men? Mind you some of the smells emenating from the perfume area at myers and DJ’s are offensive to say the least so the makers have unwittinly got it half right.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

Bogues do realise this James, but only at an instinctual level.

20 04 2010
James Hunter

Chubby,
is that
In stink tual level?

20 04 2010
Antosha

Mayhaps a tie-in to the ‘back door’ posting is relevant here?

20 04 2010
LindaS

That Covet ad was truly shocking. It was sort of an extremely overacted Chanel ad with kung fu and handcuffs.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

..and a talking horse!

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

“Balsamic Vinegar”
That was a cracker TBL! Oh, how I laughed!

And the tag line, “Do You Dare?”

I’m thinking no one would Dare without wearing a full body rubber suit and a script for penicillin.

20 04 2010
Carleen

I believe that Elizabeth Taylor beat Britney by many years in putting her name to a fragrance, with White Diamonds the one best known is Australia.

20 04 2010
Jay

I recall there being, at around the same time, a male fragrance that went by the name of “Elvis”. A potential beau of mine arrived at my house one day, having doused himself in this swill. Any chance of a relationship died a quick and painless death there and then.

20 04 2010
caracal1788

You’re quite right. I note it, and all the other “celebrity” fragrances are usually “80% off” (= $10 a bottle), and stacked high with bogans buzzing around like bees with faulty olfactory bulbs at the local Chemist’s Warehouse. (I’m just there to reduce the costs of my addictions).

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Again we see the fundamental disconnect between bogan logic and reality. I find the staggering insincerity and complete lack of hubris these ‘starlets’ employ in pushing this odious gack frankly insulting. But the bogue swallows it in whole chunks! Is it some sort of genetic flaw? (The complete loss of critical reasoning faculties? I had the misfortune to be trapped at a BBQ (in bogan heaven – the sunshine coast: surely worthy of a post all it’s own BTW TBL, people who think perth or the goldy are bogan are not even close!), back before christmas where a table of siliconially enhanced oxygen thieves were discussing the merits of several of these. Mariah Carey vs J-Lo from memory. I hid at the bottom of my bottle of Tanqueray (it being the festive season) and wept inside for all the wasted oxygen and skin these ‘things’ were consuming.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

you might need this…

)

🙂

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Go back to your sandpit Chub.

😀

20 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

The Sunshine Coast is more bogan than the Goldy?

Wow.

I do love the goldy for it’s beaches and easy family holiday, but boy oh boy it always seemed the epitome of Bogue Heaven. Velvet ropes and red carpets outside skank nightclubs, more tatts than your average Max Security home away from home and more grease in the food than food.

I keep waiting for the January heat to melt all that silicone. I have this dream of one day witnessing some tandoori drumstick lurching down the road clutching her nipples as the rest of her boobs run to her stomach, screeching at Damo that it’s his fault.

20 04 2010
Shirley M

I think the Goldy is more new school bogue and the Sunny coast is more old school – particularly in the Maroochydore area.

Sunny coast bogans live there. Goldy bogans are largely holidaying.

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

two words
Kawana effing Waters.
check out kawana island. Wall to wall McMansions in the middle of a reclaimed tea tree swamp.

I have never seen such a soul-less hole in all my life.

20 04 2010
Shirley M

I think I will add visiting Kawana Waters to my ‘things I’m never going to do’ list.

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Just horrible.
We kept a souvenir postcard for a while (gone now). The three images on it were: Kawana Beach (which is nice), Kawana Shoppingworld and The Kawana Hotel. This was produced by the local tourism authority!

as you mentioned there are plenty of old school bogues but kawana is the happening habitat for new bogues.

To my mind the Gold Coast may have some international cachet (misfounded of course) and let’s not forget the three park superpass! But the sunny coast has none of this just acre upon acre of reclaimed swamps and cane fields. The place is like a museum of the evolution of the McMansion.

20 04 2010
Sten

The Gold Coast may have some international cachet?

Surely not since the Japanese-fuelled real estate boom of the late 80s?

Or are there now in fact hordes of nouveau-riche Chinese hollidaying there en-masse? In case you can’t tell, I haven’t been to the Gold Coast in some fifteen years or so.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

I think the Gold Coast now comes under Victorian local government now doesn’t it?
Or is it still part of Qld?

20 04 2010
James Hunter

Chubby,
If the signage on the streets and in the shops is any guide it is part of Japan ??
talk about suckholeing to the japs.
Funny thing you go to Rio de Janiro and although the tourists are mostly english speaking and mostly yanks the signage is in Portugese. The Brazillians are not ashamed to use their own language. nor should we be.

20 04 2010
Antosha

In the “Mother of all Dumps” (aka Surfers Paradise) yes… that is true..

The signs around Rainbow Bay / Coolangatta / even Burleigh Heads are very much sans Nipponski.

20 04 2010
pulang

Why do bogans get so threatened about people speaking languages they can’t understand?
馬鹿野郎.

20 04 2010
Shirley M

Because their over inflated sense of self importance leads them to believe that they must be talking about them.

20 04 2010
AlyssaKT

chubbybloodfart (13:02:04) :
I think the Gold Coast now comes under Victorian local government now doesn’t it?

It seems to be!

20 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

I have to say, (guilty sigh), we often think of selling the Sydney manse and heading up to the Goldy, buying some gob-smacker on the water and mooring a gin-palace out the back … with enough loot left over to do nothing but idly scratch my nuts every morning.

I can see the attractions… but it would be a lonely life I guess.

I’ll steer clear of Kawana effing Waters. That may be a bridge too far.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

what’s wrong with Berowra?

20 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

True. There’s a reasonable restaurant up that way.

20 04 2010
Sten

Nothing, Chubby – I happen to live there. Berowra Waters is a beautiful spot, but the convenience of combining the waterfront mansion and the floating gin palace is non-existent, as the local geography simply wouldn’t permit it.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

Maybe I’m thinking of Berowra Waters?
I remember seeing something about a community out that way which was only accessible by boat.
I might have my geography wrong. Is it possible I sailed from Newport to Berowra? Or was it somewhere else?
Anyway out there where all the water is. Looked better than the Gold Coast to me.

(also, living on the water makes it easier to site machine guns on the approaches)

20 04 2010
Sten

There’s actually a little-known suburb of sorts downstream from Berowra Waters itself, known as Berowra Creek.

Berowra proper is the part along the Pacific Highway. In between Berowra Waters and Berowra proper is Berowra Heights. The place is actually pretty big these days.

20 04 2010
Will S

Nothing’s wrong with it, although I took my SO there once and she was the only non-anglo in a 5km radius, lol.

21 04 2010
Sten

It’s true, Berowra is roughly comprised of 90% Aussie-born Anglos, with about the next 8% being Poms and Kiwis. The remainder is a melange of Saffers, Chinese and Indians. Strangely, we have a few French and German people kicking around these days too.

20 04 2010
Glass 'em all

Ah, gin. Now there’s a scent I like on a woman.

20 04 2010
James Hunter

Or metho? it makes a cheaper quicker result?

20 04 2010
Glass 'em all

Mmm… there is that flammability problem.

20 04 2010
Shirley M

As long as it’s not Beefeater, of course.

20 04 2010
Glass 'em all

Bombay Sapphire seems ideally suited, From Forbes:

“Sapphire offers a combination of no less than ten natural botanicals–more than any other gin–including grains of paradise, almonds, lemon peel, licorice, juniper berries, cubeb berries, orris, coriander, angelica and cassia bark. Makes a martini of unprecedented smoothness.”

Thank someone’s deity it doesn’t have Goji berries…

20 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

Hmm, marketing for non-bogues. A lot of tot that gives no additional value or taste, but means they can slap a hefty premium on the price.

Is this our version of Mother’? Just a thought…

20 04 2010
Sten

Agreed – imagine an Ed Hardy Goji liquer… Christian Audigier would be coining money… especially if the label contained a hologram of one of his garish designs.

20 04 2010
vivisection

Hendricks, cucumber and rose petals. Even better than sapphire.

20 04 2010
Antosha

From my time on secondment in the Dutch East Indies I became quite a Tanqueray fan.

I do miss living and working in the colonies. One quickly became aware of the non-bogan inhabited areas of Bali. It was quite funny to be the only white man in the Denpassar Domestic Airport terminal…. considering the bogan hordes on the other side of the security screen.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

aaahh Gin in the tropics.
It’s such a great excuse.

I suspect that the sheer perfection of the Gin and Tonic combination may hint strongly at the presence of a supreme being.

so I don’t usually mention it.

20 04 2010
SD

For a minute there I thought it was a Christina Hendricks perfume with cucumber and rose petals!

Actually, bottled essence of Christina may quite be a bestseller – though probably only with Mad Men fans.

20 04 2010
Nelson Esq

or Pimms

20 04 2010
Shirley M

I LOVE Pimms!

20 04 2010
pinky has a brain

Edna,

Bogan’s are the very reason I stopped watching commercial television, I feel physically ill when I do have to watch (my kids watch Alf on 7Two so it’s the only time commercial tv is on), I also can’t stand commercial radio, so I listen to talk back. I, like you, find it an insult to have to listen to the shit. Bogans ruin everything and it annoys me.

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Bravo Pinky.
I’m the same. My husband and I are at the point where we can’t even stand living in the city anymore. Every flat surface is plastered with advertising. We’re off for the tree change.
I generally try to avoid shopping malls like the plague, but I was trapped in one last week. The proliferation of flat panel TVs with flickering ads was simply staggering! A whole delfin subdivision’s worth of $900 tax bonus tellies in non stop colour and movement with all the good bits taken out.

20 04 2010
pinky has a brain

We want a tree change too, but unfortunately my partner’s job means need to be close to the city at the moment, but in a few years we’ll be moving as far away from advertising as possible, I can handle country bogans.

I thought I was getting old. You know becoming one of those people who complain about the music being to loud in Safeway.

I feel sick after going to the shopping center once a month. Your brain feels bombarded with shiny things and flashing things. Yuck.

In the meantime, I try to minimise to the maxxtreme the effects of bogan ideals. My kids have bogan gene’s in them and I would have failed them if they turn out bogan ;0)

I love your posts Edna! sometimes I can’t reply because I’m laughing so much!! hahaha

20 04 2010
Shirley M

Add me and my brood to the ‘we want a tree change’ crew.

20 04 2010
SD

Same here re tree change, feeling sick at the mall. I am even ready to dispense with my computer and stop posting on TBL if I can get away from it all!

20 04 2010
Sten

Me too. Give me a few hectares, a straw-bail house, workshop space and something interesting to grow, and I reckon I’d be as happy as the proverbial pig in poo.

Who likes the sound of a TBL-crew village? A whole village of non-bogues, a community dedicated to worthy pursuits, rather than social climbing, glassing and conspicuous consumption? Anyone?

20 04 2010
Tombarina

When you rule out “conspicuous consumption”, you weren’t referring to gin, were you? Or fruits of the vine?

cos if so, I’m out.

20 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

With you there Tombarina, booze is essential, hard to relax at night without a good glass of red. I am lucky enough to live in the foothills of Adelaide with a view over second creek so the feel is very bush like (I am a country boy after all) and just don’t shop except food really. I do need a new TV though so off to the factory seconds shop for me soon. I feel the fear already.

20 04 2010
Sten

Hell, no, Tombarina… though I am partial mostly to barley-pop, the imbibing habits of my non-Bogue neighbours is none of my business. And of course, the staff at Sten’s Pub & Microbrewery would be very happy to cater to whatever Dionysian whims it’s patrons subscribe.

Ah, but what would such an elysian be called? Suggestions, anyone?

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

utopia.

20 04 2010
Tombarina

Chubland?

Oh, hang on: Toorak.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

I’m in.

I’ve even got something interesting to grow!
😉

20 04 2010
Shirley M

I hereby express my interest.

20 04 2010
Nelson Esq

The Mrs & I have often talked about the tree-change as well, but both are currently stuck in the ‘burbs as we both work in the city. I would definitely be interested in a non-bogue TBL-crew country community.

A few acres to crop and graze and a nearby creek to cast a fly in and I’d be happy! Ahhhh….

There’s few decent secondary schools in country regions, so the kids will have to be shipped off to boarding school…double ahhhhh!!!!

20 04 2010
James Hunter

Nelson Esq,
Problem is it is only a small space in between Bogan and Redneck ?

20 04 2010
Nelson Esq

…and you fill that space perfectly, JH

20 04 2010
Antosha

Aaah… trees…

Unfortunately once one is more than say 10 or 15 kilometers from my city’s center, one can’t fit onto the public transport services because they are full.

24 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

Will there be weed?

If so, I’m in.

24 12 2010
James Hunter

He did say “something interesting to grow” ??

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Thankyou Pinky. You are too kind.
Yes we think country bogans are sweet. I may have mentioned earlier I like to regard them as “fauna” (in the nicest possible way of course!). My Hubby is about 73% bogue, So I’ll have to do some extra work when the kiddies come along!
We are planning on calling our block the “Bogue Free State” and seceeding from the commonwealth. We may consider raising a militia also…
when the kiddies come along.

20 04 2010
Benjamin

As someone who has managed this, I hope it works out for you.

It certainly has for us. Sure we’re in a regional “city”, but at only 40k people or so it sure doesn’t feel like one. It makes for a much easier life. If you can work out the employment situation I’m sure you’ll love it.

20 04 2010
pinky has a brain

Alright, that’s it, I’m starting the TBL Commune!! Could be a blast!!!

20 04 2010
pb

sounds great! calling it a commune is sure to keep talkback calling bolt reading bogues away.

20 04 2010
pinky has a brain

Benji,

We’re looking at Glenrowan or Castlemain. I want to live in Sutton Grange, but we’re not farmers so…Do you reckon I would be able to have an anti-bogan policy? LOL

20 04 2010
Benjamin

You sure can. Definitely, if you take Edna’s advice and secede.

A quick googling brought up this simple guide!

http://www.ehow.com/how_2144469_found-own-micronation.html

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

Game On!
I hearby declare myself Supreme God Emperor of The Nation of Bloodfartania.

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

*seceding
Thanks for picking up my spelling error Benjamin.
I’m not having a very peachy day.

20 04 2010
Andrea

Avoid Glenrowan. Visiting bogues due to Ned Kelly’s Last Stand (jumped up little cop-killer).

How about Maryborough? Newstead is small and lovely and close to some *very* nice vineyards…

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Everything is sweet.
We are off to the 2476 next Monday.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

woohoo!

20 04 2010
martin

Even talkback sucks. It’s either rabid neo con/bogan bile spewing garbage or the ‘can’t wait to use the word racist’ libtards on the abc channels. I only listen to the radio in the car.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

way to kill the mood Marty!

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

hohohoho chubby.

Jeez Martin, ease up on the poor libtards!

🙂

20 04 2010
martin

I like Clive Robertson, but he’s only on on the weekends.

http://www.2ue.com.au/2ues-clive-robertson/20080828-44fl.html

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

I’d love to see a clive robertson phillip adams celebrity death match.

pretty hard to call…

20 04 2010
toony

Bring back Lawsy from the ether…
He’ll sort things out.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

I’d love to see a John Laws/Jean Claude Van Damme celebrity deathmatch!

21 04 2010
pinky has a brain

I’ll be in on seeing that chubby…

20 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

I’m reminded of a bogue in my office who would cover up the smell of her smoke break with 4711. Winnie Bl’eau d’cologne.

Literally, a throat-clagger for anyone forced to interact with her soon afterwards.

I wonder if the same skunk-butt factory has simply rebadged 4711 with Do You Dare, doubled the price and slapped a bit of side-boob on the packaging?

20 04 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

I wonder what Fiona’s scent would be?

‘Khunt by Fiona of Toorak – My shit doesn’t stink’

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

Fuunnnyyy!!
Funny.

damn funny

20 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. It would be “Fee-oh-NAH!” And wouldn’t smell like new money.

21 04 2010
Julia

I’m surprised. Is the name not a classic example of obnoxious, in-your-face branding? Certainly not one would expect coming out of Toorak.

20 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

Confession time.

The newly-minted teenager in the house, the dear son and heir came home last night with… shudder… a can of lynx…

I blame myself. I wailed, I gnashed, I turned with an ashen gasp to the top shelf.

But it made me realise, yet again, that the bogue is effectively a teenage mind trapped in an adult body. ‘It lives!’

20 04 2010
Tombarina

Miaow, I’ve walked your path. I know your pain.

And, in my third year of harbouring a teenager, I can assure you that if you can find them another deodorant that is more expensive, and you offer to purchase said alternative product for them, then you’ll find your home mercifully Lynx-free.

It costs, but it’s worth every single penny……

20 04 2010
pb

definitely do this – it should also appeal to the teen desire to not spend any of their money on anything that isn’t just entertainment (although i’m sure your teen is more discriminating than most, miaow) so everyone wins.

20 04 2010
Sten

Encourage him to visit this site. He might learn something, ie if you do things like wear Lynx, you’re going to be mocked and ridiculed.

20 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

I am willing to pay the price. The alternative is hell.

20 04 2010
pinky has a brain

I’ve already started my pre-teenage son on the road to hating lynx and therefore stopping his bogan-gene’s (his father is a moron ultra bogan, but please don’t hold this against me, I was young and unwell at the time) being activated. I already encourage him to use a non-lynx deodorant, and the beauty is, so far, so good!

20 04 2010
SD

“Possibly Related” posts – How Celebrity Really looks; Angelina Jolie, as you have never seen her before; Celebrities who are Obsessed with Plastic Surgery. After a take down of celebrity fragrances, it’s apparently time to update your knowledge of celebrity dysmorphism..not, I think.

Everyday for a few minutes I am trapped in a lift filled with noxious fragrances -possibly of the celebrity kind – and left feeling ill. Even garlic breath smells marginally better – at least someone has had a good meal the day before. I persist in being amazed at the sales figures for these fragrances. Or for the lady goss mags for that matter (surely a femme bogue pursuit that requires a post).

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

chubbybloodfart and 8 others like this post.

The combination of assorted fragrances on my one time morning bus ride used to revolt me. I was trying to dream up an iPod for my nose.

20 04 2010
amr

Can’t stand any of these territory markers.

So, question….what fragrances are worthy for girls and for guys?

20 04 2010
Shirley M

One must select a scent that reacts positively with one’s skin, so this is a difficult question to answer.

20 04 2010
amr

I understand that but there must be a decent limited range to pick from given there are so damn many out there.

20 04 2010
Shirley M

I like the Burberry range for the fellas – particularly Brit.

I myself wear D&G Light Blue mostly and occasionally Lolita Lempicka. Both in very small quantities.

20 04 2010
SD

Not a fragrance person myself but you can try places like Aesop and Perfect Potion if you don’t want any of the brands. The fragrances are more natural (in so far as possible) and not always alcohol based.

Also second Shirley’s Lolita Lempicka suggestion which a friend uses.

20 04 2010
Jo

white musk oil from the body shop, it may not have a fancy label but it smells amazing

20 04 2010
pb

i second the body shop. i prefer their jasmine one because musk gives me hayfever, but all their fragrances are natural, smell like what they’re meant to smell like, and don’t require hospitalisation for the inhalation of toxic fumes.

20 04 2010
Nelson Esq

I used to sit behind a girl in uni lectures who wore vanilla oil from the Body Shop…it drove me wild!!

20 04 2010
JimC

I despise vanilla scents on women.

I guess it goes back to when I was at school and all the girls in my class used to practically bathe in the stuff. The cloying sweetness of it made me physically ill, and the chemical memory when I smell it now does the same thing.

20 04 2010
SD

Synthetic vanilla is often made from paper pulp or lignin (I am a chemist btw and worked in a lab where they were making this). It doesn’t smell much like the real thing and is fairly awful in food or on person, that might account for the hatred. Body Shop may be working with pure vanilla pods – one hopes!

Most manufactured perfumes in fact are pretty much combinations/permutations of a chemical inventory and not very different once the branding is removed.

20 04 2010
James Hunter

JimC
SD is right although I believe the very first artificial vanilla was made from coal tar
doubt that would be an improvement

20 04 2010
amr

Thanks for the tips

20 04 2010
Shirley M

In this vein I am a big fan of L’occitane’s fragrances, though I have found that some of them set off my hay fever.

20 04 2010
pinky has a brain

D & G Red here!! Everyday without fail…is that bogan?

20 04 2010
SD

Umm, afraid so D&G is bogan!

Jo, pb, second Body Shop (though they have sold out to L’Oreal so we will how long before it goes the way of every other cosmetic co.)

20 04 2010
pinky has a brain

Oh well, I don’t care, I like it and I don’t put loads on just a spray. And I have been wearing it long before bling glasses were around. :O)

20 04 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

While we’re asking, is Brut33 bogan? Or is it so grange old school that it’s beyond bogan? Even beyond old school bogan?

I use it around the nether regions after a shear. Keeps me on my toes.

20 04 2010
Jo

does spraying alcohol based deodorants/perfumes really work to stop shaving rash? (I assume that’s what you meant)

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

chubbybloodfart wears Pi by Givenchy.
Shoes by Converse.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

mrs Bloodfart used to love Cinema (YSL) until her dad gave everyone else a bottle for christmas as well. Mrs Bloodfart = Not F#cking Impressed.
So now I buy her JPG Classique. Is gaultier bogue? I hope not cos it’s purty.

Things Bogans Like – EDT
(why dont you just put less on? dickheads)

20 04 2010
Shirley M

Because it’s imperative for the bogue to be able to smell its own noxious fumes above all the other bogues noxious fumes.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

of course I meant π by Givenchy.

for what it’s worth.

20 04 2010
James Hunter

Chubby,
dont do that ! youll have her going round in circles !

20 04 2010
Andrea

I wear Angel by Thierry Mugler. I waited two years for it to arrive on our shores and I’ve worn nothing since (almost 12 years now). I can’t smell it anymore due to familiarity, but I’ve had some very nice compliments. The base is rose and jasmine, with chocolate, honey, nutmeg, cinnamon and vanilla thrown in. Thierry Mugler wanted it to smell like his mother cooking pastries, and it does seem to attract…

20 04 2010
brad

Must have spent a small fortune on Angel over the years,my better half has not worn it for a few years(slack,i know ),most perfumes smell the same too me,but every time i detect that fragrance i float a bit,theres just something about it.

20 04 2010
XtremeBoganHunter

From the memory of a demented attempt at a Marketing degree, some kiwi outfit were pushing a perfume called “Tramp”, with the by-line “For today’s kind of woman”…. strangely not a big seller across the ditch but how appropriate for the modern Bogue.

Is Paris ever sober enough to actually put perfume on?

20 04 2010
Jo

I am NOT joking when I say this but once I was walking through the perfume department of David Jones and there was a huge poster advertising a perfume called “Insolence” I can’t remember if it was a celebrity one or not…it may have been a Brittany perfume, I’ll have to research aka google it.

20 04 2010
pb

apparently it is from guerlain. it was advertised by hilary swank, a rather surprising choice for perfume endorsement, particularly one with such a dumb name, i would have thought she was smarter than that.

20 04 2010
Jo

I’m struggling with the fact that someone thought naming a perfume Insolence was a good idea…ummm what?

20 04 2010
pb

i think they must open i dictionary to a random page and point at a word. no other explanation makes sense.

20 04 2010
Tombarina

pb, that’s a fun game! Just tried that with a handy Oxford Pocket Australian Dictionary, for 10 random pages, and a random word from each. Welcome to the sensory realms of:

Belly-wool
Dementia
Rear-Admiral
Senna
Viscid
Psoriasis
Custard
Duodenum
Rabbit calicivirus
Welter

Try it at home, kids.

20 04 2010
Shirley M

‘Rear-Admiral’ for men. Anal. I’ll say no more.

20 04 2010
Tombarina

Thought as much. Didn’t say it, though….

20 04 2010
vivisection

Donkey Punch?

20 04 2010
James Hunter

ShirlM
“Rear Admiral for the Pacific Rim”
mind you hem would have to be “fit” to serve.

20 04 2010
JimC

I remember an old ‘Fry and Laurie’ sketch where they did some artsy-wank commercial for a perfume called ‘Pretension’.

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I was watching “The Kevin Bishop Show” and they did a fragrance:

Bollock by Gordon Ramsay

20 04 2010
Nelson Esq

There’s an Eddie Murphy movie where he’s a marketing / advertising guru doing the campaign for perfume by Grace Jones’ (ball breaking) character. She wants to call the perfume ‘Steel Vagina’.

20 04 2010
Will S

Unleash the devastating olfactory power of Rabbit Calcivirus, and you’ll barely be able to manage the population of girls who’ll be all up ons!

20 04 2010
Tombarina

Seriously, pb – I think you’ve unravelled the pong-juice-naming riddle. Just tried the dictionary trick again, and came up with:

Stulfity
Piteous
Tickle
Misgiving
Festschrift
Octane
Orifice
Scurf
Vandal

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

Schadenfreude.
by Chubbybloodfart.

20 04 2010
Benjamin

Hehehehehehe!

20 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

The bogue could have one for each night of the week, depending on the desired night’s entertainments…

A bit of Stultify for an off my tits night at the bowlo
A lather of Misgiving for the night (one night only) the bogue hooks up with skank and heads back for a night of herpes and chlamydia.

A healthy dose of Orifice when he-bogue pops too many Mothers and goes a bit of #124 with Shaneille.

And a lovely squirt of Scurf for every morning after…

Brut could sell them in 6-packs at the bottlo, alongside the made-here, foreign beer.

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

hohohohohohohoho

For some reason the word “Orifice” just left a bad taste in my mouth.

20 04 2010
Tombarina

*titters*

20 04 2010
James Hunter

Edna,
call your perfume
“Rim” ?

20 04 2010
vivisection

“Phelch”

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Oh Viv, you didn’t just say that?

20 04 2010
Antosha

After seeing mentioned time and time again on this blog I finally googled ‘Mother drink’.

My word… people actually ingest that? Voluntarily??

20 04 2010
Nelson Esq

I like that Viv! Phelch…by Julian Clary!! 🙂

20 04 2010
vivisection

Or would Julian Clary have “Phist”?

20 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

You’ve been doing it wrong Edna!

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Way to out-sick me gang!

20 04 2010
FT

Oh, that sounds like a fun game…

astatine
moribund
corrigendum
stentorian
luderick
hokum
elegy
disdain
vivarium
wort

20 04 2010
Tombarina

See? Told you so!

It’s also fun to enunciate your random words with a heavy, bad French accent, as though you’re doing voice-over for an ad – then add “by Jennifer Love-Hewitt” at the end of it. Be amazed at how bogue-marketable it all sounds!

20 04 2010
pb

oh wow, i’m so glad to have brought such joy inot everyone’s lives with the random word perfume naming idea. it brings a tear to my eye and warms the cockles of my heart. here are a few more possibilities:
conventionalism
turgidity
dyspepsia
docility
fricassee
mindless
mongrel
futurition
persuadable
breechesmaker

20 04 2010
brad

If i may,here is my list which i present with great trepidation as i risk a severe glassing from Tombarina(who i must say has a most excellent singing voice) but shit its too good for me to pass up.
Merde
Pe’nis Fromage
Vomi
Pet
Ailes Rouges
Gangr’ene
Briement D’eaux
Haleine De Chiens

20 04 2010
Tombarina

No glassing – just a slightly horrified titter.

Thing is, you could package up any old vinegar in a shiny bottle, whack one of this monikers on it, get some hack to schill it, and you’re home’n’hosed.

“Vomi….the explosive new fragrance from Delta”.

20 04 2010
Tombarina

…and what’s that about my singing voice?

*furrowed brow, slightly suspicious glare…*

20 04 2010
toony

As someone that has smelt Luderick….it pales compared to all perfumes…

20 04 2010
Kate

About two years ago, my father bought me “Kate”, Kate Moss’ first perfume. He did so as a joke, seeing as we share the same name. However after wearing it, I have actually fallen in love with it… So does that still count as bogan?

20 04 2010
pinky has a brain

If you like it because you like and not because of what advertisers say, that’s opposite to what a bogan would do.

20 04 2010
SD

Sound advice, Pinky.

20 04 2010
AlyssaKT

I was actually given one of Kylie’s perfumes and it was nice! I don’t even particularly like Kylie. When people complimented me and asked what it was though, that was difficult, depending on their age and where I gauged their tastes to lie…

20 04 2010
pinky has a brain

Where’s Fiona? I thought she would have been all over this one!!

20 04 2010
martin

She’s probably got a whole room full of fragrances including Britney’s and so on.

20 04 2010
Benjamin

I think she was too offended by the unbelievers from a couple of days ago.

She’s gone.

20 04 2010
Shirley M

Too offended?!

She’ll be back.

20 04 2010
pinky has a brain

Fiona, offended, blimey Benji. Which post was that? I’ll go and have a look…muhahaha

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

maybe she’s gone to facebook.

20 04 2010
James Hunter

Chubby,
Maybe Fi has met with foul play? or is just feeling poorly?

20 04 2010
XtremeBoganHunter

Imagine being offended by web people, how terribly Toorak…

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

Hey F#ck You PAL!

20 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Thank you all for your concern. Rumours of my demise were, as Mark Twain so eloquently stated, greatly exaggerated.

I look forward to joining you all again soon.

Your beloved Fi.

20 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

So you are not Carl Williams!

20 04 2010
Will S

Carl speaks to psychics from beyond the grave… there’s a Channel 9 special for you :O

20 04 2010
Sibyl Ince

That humans, bogan or not, should want to smell like or of anything, is way way beyond me, I’m afraid. Just… why?

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

when you lean in to kiss your beloved and there’s just a tiny hint of something pretty, and you know it’s delicately applied just for your delectation…
that’s nice.

20 04 2010
vivisection

until you kiss their neck and it tastes like chemotherapy

20 04 2010
Sibyl Ince

Vivisection: Necks are my thing, I don’t want his neck smelling of anything but him.

As a very elderly gentleman once said to me on this topic: “I can’t be doing with that bloody whore’s blossom stuff”.

I wonder why even static things must smell these days? The bathrooms at my work have an automatic spritzer thing on the walls that makes the room smell like a Bangkok knocking shop every 2 minutes.

20 04 2010
vivisection

I’m 6ft 4″ and got sprayed in the eyes by one of those bathroom deodorizers! Nearly killed me. I personally only wear odourless deodorant and totally agree with you!

20 04 2010
Sibyl Ince

Fessing up to my inadequacies here, I admit to being perfume-averse. Those over-painted femmes who stand in department store and pharmacy doorways offering a squirt of how’s yer father are a real worry for me. I can’t buy a cleaning product unless I can smell it first and I’ve had to get off buses and trains due to people either carrying coffee beans or having used apple shampoo. I can’t use room deodorisers, and any personal grooming products have to be fragrance free or hypoallergenic. At the risk of offending perfume users, I find it downright offensive and wish it could be banned, especially from eateries and work places.

20 04 2010
vivisection

I had a guy sit next to me on the tram last weekend and eat a bunch of shallots from Vic Markets- vile, onion stench pervading my pores. What is wrong with these people???

20 04 2010
pb

i can beat you vivisection – i’ve caught a bus with a guy eating a jar of anchovies with his fingers. even thought i was on the bus for less than five minutes i was almost retching at the smell and sight.

20 04 2010
pb

sibyl i’m similarly mostly fragrance averse, i like the body shop because theirs are generally simpler, but i’m still careful there. as someone who can’t even be in the room when the low irritant hypoallergenic fly sprays are used i’m pretty close to incapacitated by the boguettes who bathe in their celebfumes.

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

You are all demonstrating a classic Olfactophobia.
As we are no doubt all aware the treatment for this is conditioning. We’ve all seen the arachnophobe being exposed to the tarantulas…
You need to rush out and grab a bottle of Trashte* by Amy Winehouse.
Just take it gently for the first couple of days.
Ease into it and you’ll be reeking in no time.

*Trashte will combine with the chemicals already in your system to create a distinctive and individual odour.

20 04 2010
Tombarina

Edna, you’ve truly shown us the way!

Check out post I just whacked at bottom of page, though – I think the threat may be greater than we imagined….

20 04 2010
Antosha

There are som of those recently installed in the bathroom cubicles in our new office building.

I was quietly contemplating life one day.. and it went off with a HISSS !!!! from above and behind me.

I lept 6 ft in the air !!! Took 10 years off my life..

20 04 2010
vivisection

They are important though. After all we all need people to think our shit smells like an orchid. Which reminds me , how dumb are those new Orchid and Vanilla scented sprays. Cymbidium Orchids, as pictured on the can , don’t smell, and vanilla beans come from fu#cking orchids anyway!!!

20 04 2010
AlyssaKT

vivisection (14:12:56) :
until you kiss their neck and it tastes like chemotherapy

I’m careful not to spray my neck – I love it being kissed too much to ruin anything!

20 04 2010
James Hunter

Chubby,
what bout you sneak up for a nuzzle of your beloved and she is doused in something especially for the other man?

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

never happen.
not on this ‘brane or any other.
I’d stake her life on it.

20 04 2010
T-ra

🙂 Excellent post.

About 2 weeks ago I decided I would like a new perfume to add to my collection. I went to perfume store a few streets away from my office (in the CBD). When the sales assistant asked me what I was looking for and I told her anything as long as it “doesn’t have a celebrity’s name on it”, the poor girl looked at me like I was a nut case! She actually struggled to find a perfume that wasn’t celebrity related. It occurred to me that about 90% of the store’s stock was a celebrity perfume of some sort. I did not realise this problem was so rife! She almost talked me into ‘Blue for Women’ by Antonio Banderis, but I am proud to say I stayed tough! Ended up with a nice bottle of Lola by Marc Jacobs instead (although the over the top perfume bottle lid, is perhaps verging on bogan!)

20 04 2010
Mezz

Didn’t Michael Jordan start this celebrity fragrance thing in the 90s? Putting a droplet of his perspiration (marketed as sweat for the bogue market at the time of release) into each bottle which was extracted from his match vests?

20 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

Mezz! Say it’s not true. Jeeezus. There goes my lunch.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

didn’t magic do the same thing with his jzzz?

certainly spread the stuff around anyway.

20 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I’m not Fussy – By Tiger Woods

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

What about simply:
BOX – By Tiger Woods

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

..our unisex fragrance:

Bogues
By Lleyton & Beck

20 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

Or, ’19th Hole’ by Tiger. Grrr.

20 04 2010
James Hunter

Chairman miaow,
arte you being anal by any chance old chap ?

20 04 2010
James Hunter

Edna,
how bout “box on” ?

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

how about give yourself a knee to the forehead?

20 04 2010
Mezz

I’m eagerly awaiting Sean Combes/P-Diddys “Gangsta Piddle” – You can bet it’s in the pipelines somewhere…And yes – totally true re Michael Jordan.

20 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Mezz, pretty sure pop diddly has a fragrence out.

Just checked and yep

I am King by Sean John

http://www1.seanjohn.com/landingpages/landing.php?dept=fragrance

How far up his own arse is this man?

20 04 2010
Shirley M

I wanted to buy this for my bogueish bro but retouch the label to add an a fuc and tool

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

or just wan

20 04 2010
Sten

Up himself far enoigh to think he’d make a credible James Bond. The fact that he’s black isn’t the issue for me, it’s that HE’S NOT BRITISH (I find it interesting that there’s been no attempt to spin off a Bond franchise on the rubbish side of the Atlantic though)!

And yes, I am aware that George Lazenby is Australian, but he was crap anyway. Sean Micallef (in his Roger Explosion persona, of course) would be preferable by far as an Aussie Bond.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

…uuumm
O..Kaaay…

I think one of us is freaking out.
‘cos that made no sense.
It could be me…
…it’s happened before.

20 04 2010
Sten

Eh, sorry all, I am feeling somewhat metally disjointed today… I’m operating on very little sleep and what I did get was interrupted. I was answering Simon’s question on how up himself P Diddy is, but I accidentally hit the Rant button and the rest wrote itself.

We now return you to your regular programming.

*glasses self*

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

oh please…
my bad.

Band-Aid?

20 04 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

Wasn’t that Dizzee Rascal?

20 04 2010
Mezz

That’s great – I sit here taking the piss and it has actually happened. Somewhat funny in a disturbing kind of way.

20 04 2010
XtremeBoganHunter

Mezz I know exactly what you mean, I want to point out on a sports forum that the Loig bogans haven’t created bad headlines in a while … but it’s like I’m just mocking the gods or something. Last time the day after I posted somthing similar a Queensland loig player was on charges for glassing a chick in a local bar.

20 04 2010
Valo

I shake my head everytime I see the ad for this on television and see old Puffy getting about on his maxxxtreme jet-ski WHILST WEARING A TUXEDO!

20 04 2010
Benjamin

Did some reading on this bloke. Oh dear.

Apparently he now refers to himself as “Ciroc Obama”. Bloody hell.

http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2010/03/26/p-in-p-diddy-gets-a-new-meaning/

20 04 2010
Nelson Esq

probably smells of gun shot residue

20 04 2010
Sibyl Ince

So I was right with the Piddly Diddly reference the other day? Whoda thunk.

20 04 2010
vivisection

“that’ll do” by Tiger

20 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

And his second line….

Unforgivable

20 04 2010
Mezz

Somewhat appropriate doesn’t one think…

20 04 2010
Nelson Esq

Did anyone else notice that in Tigers new (supposedly controversial) Nike ad, they didn’t include the Nike motto “Just do it”?
Hmmm….

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I used to have a t-shirt that said:
Just Did It
Nookie

Yes,
I know it’s lame
ok!

20 04 2010
AlyssaKT

I always remember seeing Robbie Williams (when he was still in that boy band) wearing a “Junkies & Junkies Baddy Powder” shirt in a film clip. He was always destined for great things!

21 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Well if it’s good enough for Robbie…

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

oooh, I have seen the ad for “Unforgivable” and I have to say that the amount of WANK they got into one ad is UNFORGIVABLE.

20 04 2010
SD

It has been brought to my attention that etat libre d’orange has some – umm- naughty fragrance names. And includes bogueish names like Fat Electrician, True Blonde etc.

But probably NSFW.

http://www.etatlibredorange.com/fr/index.html

20 04 2010
Shirley M

hehehe.

I love the artwork. I want some and I don’t even know what they smell like.

20 04 2010
SD

Me too 🙂

20 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I apologise in advance, I know I shouldn’t but I just can’t help it.

The lead article states that Roberta had her hair done today and that it took two hours. This article was written by 2 “journalists”. At least we know what the work experience kids do at the HS.

nzm Posted at 1:45 AM Today
People can say what they want to say – no one knows what this man had to endure, no one has walked in his shoes. He was a drug dealer, a ‘murderer’, a gangland kingpin. He was also a father, a husband and a son. Who would not defend their family with their life? Who would not make money to get their kids through school and provide for their family? As much as people do not want to admit it, he catered to a market that, unfortunately, does exist. The drugs market will never go away – as long as there is demand, someone will supply. I hope that the memory of Carl, the real Carl, is never lost nor replaced by his sinister acts. Yo can’t take one or two frames of a man’s life and define him as a person. He was a father, a husband and a son – he couldn’t have been all bad. R.I.P Carl, you had the heaviest shoulders of all, and you carried them as best you could mate.

Comment 36 of 427

20 04 2010
Shirley M

This is why I hate people.

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Ditto that Shirley.

20 04 2010
pb

misanthropes of tbl unite.

20 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I’ve always said that 95% of people are morons but I may be a bit under there.

20 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Present company excepted of course.

20 04 2010
Sten

Ready to stand shoulder-todhoulder with my fellow TBL misanthropes.

20 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

And the canonisation of carl begins. Bogues, you are truly stupid, pathetic little muppets with brains of belly lint.

20 04 2010
toony

..and your father smelled of elderberries…

20 04 2010
pb

i fart in your general direction.

20 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

You silly bogan person.

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

you are empty headed animal food trough wipers!

now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!

20 04 2010
Benjamin

*bangs head on desk* Oh dear Lord. I didn’t need to read that.

Oh Simon! Did you have to? I think you really ought to avoid the comment sections of the papers, at least for this kind of subject matter – it isn’t healthy.

Like a careful soul, I avoided this today. But lo it turns up here anyway! And like a schmuck I read it…

In honour of your position, I will refrain from a glassing, but please be considerate in the future. Sometimes these responses are funny, but this one sure aten’t.

Oh the humanity.

20 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Sorry dude, I did apologise in advance though.

20 04 2010
Will S

I might’ve posted this in another thread, but did anyone else see the comments on this article:

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/well-be-a-nation-of-new-migrants/comments-e6freuy9-1225854962993

just unbelievable

21 04 2010
Girl of Madness

Oh my God! Reading those comments made me sick in the stomach! People really have those views? I’m so shocked. Maybe this is not such a great place anymore after all 😦 Where do these people live? Nobody i know thinks like this!

21 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

It breaks your heart eh? a deliberate rabble rousing piece by the tele.

repeated themes: they’re all illegals who wind up on welfare.
they’re all radical separatists.
they’re not “christian”.
they’re all the wrong colour.

I hope their kids all marry migrants.

pathetic.

21 04 2010
AlyssaKT

The brain who thinks ‘illegals’ can even get welfare amazes me

21 04 2010
North_Shore_Mummy

Gave me a good laugh anyway.

20 04 2010
pinky has a brain

I just threw up…We have to get our TBL commune started, I don’t know how much more of this shit I can take!!

20 04 2010
vivisection

What is the obsession with people get their hair done on the day of a “news” event? I hope she didn’t have a meal break as well. No doubt her memoirs are written already though.

20 04 2010
Tombarina

Done and dusted, Viv. A weighty tome with the challengingly impenetrable title “My Life”.

20 04 2010
AlyssaKT

She had already been called by Channel Nien?

21 04 2010
Phil

I can’t get enough of the term Channel Nien lol

20 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Maxx Marxxxxson is sure to be on the job.

20 04 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter, I know you’re working on a celebrity fragrance that also doubles as a beverage.

20 04 2010
toony

Britney is management gold. Max would be spewwwin to have missed that one.
From something like PromiseKeepers to drug-fucked bint in a few years to full, bulletproof recovery is mint…you’d daren’t even try to make that up!

Do I dare?

20 04 2010
James Hunter

Pulang,
The reason people worry about people speaking languages they cannot understand is because it reminds them of childhood and a Catholic Mass and they are concerned the Priest may be settling which of the naughty little boys he wants to take home.

20 04 2010
Tombarina

Oh, children. TBL have been a-keepin’ stuff from us.

For the world of celeb parfumiers is far wider and more inexplicable than we’ve been led to believe.

Cliff Richard, for example – presumably, smells like an unhandled scrotum. I don’t want to imagine the packaging.

Who at some point hasn’t wanted to evoke the guys from Kiss? Or Pavarotti (embalming fluid and a super-supreme, anyone?) Or bad-ass gansta Fitty-sen, corndog warblers Tim McGraw and Faith Hill, nutso phone-chucker Naomi Campbell, Carlos Santana, or Cher?

But don’t take my word for it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_celebrity-endorsed_perfumes

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

We need to have some sort of daily prize…

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Great work Tomba!
my favourite: Ioan Gruffudd: Burberry.

no idea.

but I love saying it.
Sounds like a noise my tummy would make.

20 04 2010
Shirley M

Fitty-sen has not only endorsed a fragrance, but also… wait for it… a vibrator. 4 realz. With his ‘exact’ measurements.

Yeah right.

20 04 2010
AlyssaKT

bahahahaha!! Excellent.

21 04 2010
Tombarina

Oh, that’s just wrong. Wrongy-wrongy-wrong.

21 04 2010
Shirley M

I may have jumped the gun. I think the vibrator is still in the planning stage. Here is some very useful information on the topic for you. I especially like this enlightened quote:

“I don’t know if big is better because I’m not sure a man wants his woman playing with a really big dildo”.

http://news.softpedia.com/news/50-Cent-To-Produce-His-Own-Vibrator-13583.shtml

21 04 2010
North_Shore_Mummy

LOL I am glad you posted this.. I must admit to being curious enough after reading your first post to think about googling it :p

“I don’t know if big is better because I’m not sure a man wants his woman playing with a really big dildo�.”

Does this mean he is really not so very well endowed and is using this as an excuse when the fiddy sen turns out to be more of a dime?

21 04 2010
Shirley M

I’d say that’s a fair bet.

I just like how his marketing strategy is skewed towards the bros moreso than the hos.

Now if he actually sold his dildo and all his other planned sex products for fitty-sens, maybe people will buy them.

21 04 2010
North_Shore_Mummy

Yeah Classic observation on the more Bros than Hos… clearly not aiming for the lezzo/DIY market anyway!

20 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

celine dion out in front.
closely followed by J-Lo.

seems fragrance output is inversely proportionate to entertainment value.

20 04 2010
Tombarina

What? For crappest fragrance? Or most horrifying daily revelation on this site? Because I still haven’t recovered from news of the donkey punch.

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

for Pick of the Day my dear!
that was gold!

😀

20 04 2010
Benjamin

*chuckles*

Goodnight and thankyou.

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Oh my god!!
Ed Hardy fragrance.
Is there anyone on earth who could bear the sheer awesomeness of drinking an Ed Hardy vodka, wearing an Ed Hardy T-Shirt, and then putting on Ed Hardy Fragrance?
If an Ed Hardy Power bracelet did exist, and you picked it up whilst doing all of the above, the universe would just stop.
Surely.

20 04 2010
Tombarina

My thoughts exactly! Picture this: Brendan Fevola and Lara Bingle, clad in Ed Hardy clothes and fragrance (oh, how loosely I use the term), driving a Hummer to Harvey Norman and wearing Powerbands.

The sun would implode. And we’d deserve it, too.

21 04 2010
Jay

Ha hahaha haha – that’s possibly the funniest thing I’ve read all day. However I am now too scared to go to bed, for fear of that image coming to me in my nightmares…

20 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

hohohohoho

Hysterical!!
I say we live every moment like it’s our last because, let’s face it, it is bound to happen.

20 04 2010
James Hunter

Edna,
That is the problem with this world,” there is no way out of it alive”.

20 04 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter, the only problem with your world is that one drink is too many and a thousand not enough…

20 04 2010
James Hunter

Peter,

!!

20 04 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter, re your ‘!!’ response… As someone posted yesterday: “don’t [you] do comedy”. Also, imitation is the finest form of flattery.

Oh, sorry!

21 04 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

Repetitious cretins.

22 04 2010
oogus boogus

YOU FORGOT JLO BLUE GLOW!!CAPSLOCKRAGE!!!

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