#114 – Delta Goodrem

26 03 2010

Delta Goodrem, lusty songbird that she is, built a bogan empire by the time she was twenty. The combination of bogan–standard good looks, vanilla bland balladry and the perception of purity were deeply appealing to the female bogan’s need to idolise the Diana, and the male bogan’s desire to violate it; all to the soundtrack of a mid-90s sub-Whitney Houston piano number.  When Goodrem tragically contracted non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma in 2003, the bogan was able to forge a deep spiritual connection with this chanteuse it had never met, extending its deepest sympathies and allowing it to feel that it had contributed directly to Goodrem’s fortunate recovery.

Then, sometime after releasing her third album, Goodrem decided that this singing caper was for schmucks. She had the realisation that so many before her had had – that bogan bucks can be made far more easily than by actually doing stuff. She decided to lend her renewed flowing locks and glamour looks to selling shampoo. And decided she liked it.

The bogan likes buying things. Delta likes selling things. In some cosmic alignment only seen every 5,000 years or in the occasional Schwarzenegger film, Goodrem began to mine a vein of bogan bucks so rich as to boggle the mind of amateurs like Max Markson. Markson must constantly be alert to the proclivities of the bogan – which celebrities it is interested in reading/talking about – then manipulate the bogan media in order to increase his payments to the maxtreme. Delta, by contrast, rocks up at a photo studio, poses for some shots, records a sound bite or two, then walks back to her mansion and watches the bogan bucks roll in.

What’s more, she has successfully targeted her product promotions to hit on some incredibly potent bogan pressure points. She sells ProActiv skin care, with a formula so advanced that the bogan could not possibly understand it, and thus believes that it is entirely responsible for Delta’s alabaster skin. She advertises Sunsilk shampoo, which the bogan naturally insists is the cause for her cascading reams of golden blonde hair. She advertises So Good soy milk, to ensure the bogan can sneer at her ability to sell hippy milk to hippies. She sells the music magazine in News Ltd’s Thursday papers, the same magazine that routinely informs the bogan about how outstanding the latest Australian Idol’s album is, via a series of hard-hitting interviews.

Most importantly though, she sells Wii Sports and Nintendo DS Brain Training. These two products are so face-meltingly bogan that their combination with such a bogan witch doctor is the proverbial bogan bug-zapper. Wii Sports advertises to the bogan that it can lose weight and get fit by standing still and watching television. Brain Training advertises that it can make the bogan smarter by pointing a stylus at an array of grade three problem solving challenges on a portable screen.

Now fatter, dumber, with greasy hair, equally greasy skin, a love of Lady Gaga and an inexplicable addiction to soy milk – its long-held soy allergy notwithstanding – the bogan waits with bated breath to see how on Earth Delta can make its life better next.


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300 responses

26 03 2010
Darryl

No-one likes Delta Goodrem except Delta Goodrem. Oh and Brian McFadden

She was also managed at one stage by Glenn Wheatley (John Farnham manager) until she dumped him so her mother could manage her.

There’s a topic one day – STAGE MUMS

26 03 2010
Sten

Not to mention sideline Dads.

26 03 2010
Jason

I hear ya, Sten…I was “lucky” enough to play Lleyton Hewitt as a junior, anyone would have thought it was Wimbledon with the family entourage (and ensuing histrionics when I beat him).

26 03 2010
Benjamin

Quite a claim to fame. Quick call Markson!

26 03 2010
Benjamin

Sorry – that isn’t a jibe at you BTW. And it must feel good to have given him a drubbing.

26 03 2010
AlyssaKT

I’m sure it would have been sweeter had anyone believed Lleyton had any game.

26 03 2010
Jason

OK, he was only 8 or 9 and I was 15 or so, but it still felt good at the time because he was known around the association as “a pretty good player, but a complete wanker”. An epithet that has continued to this day.

26 03 2010
Sten

Yeah, true that, Jason. I actually saw him and Pat Rafter at an NRL game a few years ago… Rafter seemed just as nice in person as he did in his media appearances, but Lleyton… he was a 24k pratt, as usual.

26 03 2010
Antosha

Qld’er v Non Qld’er

Prosecution rests.

28 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

jury still out.

26 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

My dad was a total sideline dad. I loved him and still do, but he tended to take my childhood sporting events a tad too seriously.

21 05 2010
TheMon

Brian ‘bum face’ McFadden & Delta are a perfect match. As sexy as wet socks.

26 03 2010
Benjamin

“were deeply appealing to the female bogan’s need to idolise the Diana, and the male bogan’s desire to violate it”

Wonderful. I wish I was half as creative as the mind that strung together that sentence.

26 03 2010
Tone

That line is right up there with TBL’s finest.

26 03 2010
Somewhat Bogan

I honestly LOL’d at work when I read that.

26 03 2010
Robbie

I LOL every day at work reading TBL’s various posts 🙂

I’m sure the picture of Delta and Richard Wilkins, Ostraya’s bogan elite, would cause many a fem bogue to moisten up 😛

26 03 2010
Tubesteak

But how do you explain the use of “lusty”?

Her looks are vanilla-hot and her personality clearly shows shed be a starfish.

Maybe the use of the term was a reference (explained in the quote you’ve used) to the male bogue desire to nail anything with a hole thus projecting their desire for lust onto DG.

Just like they think every Swedish chick must be like the ones in the movies in SBS.

26 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. What’s a “starfish”?

26 03 2010
Emma

Someone who just lies there.

26 03 2010
Tubesteak

Lie back. Think about it. You’ll figure it out 😉

26 03 2010
Mezz

Brilliant!

26 03 2010
Antosha

It does not surprise me that our pristine Fi has never been subjected to such vulgaraties..

26 03 2010
brad

what does Fi make of the term “book-ends”?

26 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Um, I have them in my library…

26 03 2010
brad

interesting reading?

26 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Of course. I like nothing more than to just lie there and take it all in.

The knowledge I gain from reading, that is.

26 03 2010
brad

is it the length or the thickness thats important?
the book,that is

27 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. It’s how deep it penetrates… knowledge.

21 05 2010
TheMon

Ditto.

26 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Nice one TBL!!!
You have let out a ripper again.

ProActive: makes bogan skin 16% looser and 15.5% firmer.
Scientifically tested to be complete bullshit!

I have also wondered why everyone on television is starting to look like Nicole Kidman?
Is this to make it easier for the bogan to relate?

26 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

bravo.
aren’t such “cosmeceuticals” just haemarrhoid cream and vitamin E?

26 03 2010
James

I believe they tend to claim that products are “clinically” tested. All the validity of science in the mind of the bogan, with none of the pesky rigour and consistency expected of real science.

26 03 2010
pb

just make sure the ad has suitable shots of people in lab coats with test tubes and you’re set.

26 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. And the use of words that sound right to the not-quite-educated bogan ear, but are in fact, meaningless – “tauten”, “replump”, etc. I believe we covered this adequately just the other day, however.

26 03 2010
pb

we did, but it can always do with a restating. my personal favourite lately is that they all work ‘on a cellular level’, because of course goop you slap on your face is going to change your cells.

26 03 2010
Sten

And don’t forget to throw in vague referrences to “our American Testing Centre”. It sounds impressive to the Bogue even though anybody with half a brain in their head knows that there’s all sorts of dubious crap in American food, drink, cosmetics and medicines.

26 03 2010
Benjamin

By the Ponds institute no doubt.

Gag me with a spoon…

26 03 2010
Snag

It may make skin ever so slightly firmer, but it’s guaranteed to make the bogan’s wallet more than 16% lighter.

26 03 2010
Emma

HAHAHA sure Delta would even use Sunsilk!

26 03 2010
Struct

I was wondering when you were going to tackle part-time singer, full-time shill, Delta Goodrem – well done.

26 03 2010
Shirley M

OMG. Moments before I read today’s fine entry, I tweeted the phrase ‘bogus witch doctor’. Coincidence? Naturally. Still… I felt it was worth mentioning.

26 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

watch Hungry Beast this week Shirley?

😀

26 03 2010
Shirley M

Yeah I did, but not sure how this is relevant?

26 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

things which are a little bit bullshit…

never mind. a gentle dig.

26 03 2010
Shirley M

Oh yeah, right. I get it. 🙂

26 03 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Why was Delta the only female on the set of Hey Dad not to get groped?

26 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

perhaps the title was abbreviated from “Hey Dad should you be touching me there?”

26 03 2010
Tone

Or ‘Hey Dad Get Your Hand Off My Arse!’

(stolen from Tony Martin)

26 03 2010
vivisection

or “Hey Dad, your on ACA again”. Those paedophile glasses he wore on the show were a giveaway.

26 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

Or “Hey Dad get that haemarrhoid cream off my face”.

26 03 2010
Bazza

Careful everyone. You’re beginning to drift into that bogan trait of condemning someone on the basis of your own suspicion and News Corp/ACA “news” reports…

26 03 2010
reparty

My take on the Hey Dad bizzo? His wife is a very powerful agent. All alleged victims were told to shut up or never work again. None ever work again anyway because Hey Dad was such a steaming pile of shit. With no acting career to speak of save appearances in the Coorparoo Vaudville Players or whatever, they learn wife is floating her company. They decide to ruin the party.
Reminds me of a guy I worked with about ten years ago, multiple complaints (I got to read his personnel file) about behaviour from staff and customers. He went to the extent of suing one 19 year old female for defamation of character once she made an official complaint. She dropped it, he got away with it.
That’s my conspiracy theory. Who knows, maybe he didn’t do it?

26 03 2010
JimC

Or: ‘Hey Dad!! What’s that hanging out of your pants?’

As if that show couldn’t get any less funny…

26 03 2010
WordNerd

Hey, Nads!

27 03 2010
JimC

Hah-hah!!

Yes, we’re all going to hell…

26 03 2010
toony

Agreed….especially when there’s seemingly hundreds of “brave souls” all collectively finding their voices after near 20years…and all of them faded stars…

…and telling Womans Day before the police? Pffft
Typical bogan behaviour.

26 03 2010
toony

Sorry, the ‘agreed’ part was in reply to Bazza.

26 03 2010
Mezz

Nice one – I love it!! Needed a laugh to kick start Friday.

8 06 2014
franz chong

She was one of the later members as well as Angela Keep both of which joined Hey Dad well after Robert Hughes left.

26 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

ugh!
Delta Goodrem is a real person???
(imagine the “real” to be italicised please)
I saw her image on a bus recently schilling something or other.
It was like an “artists impression” of a human.

agree with Benjamin. green with envy!
(see avatar)
blessed that you deign to share with us all nonetheless.

26 03 2010
Muz

‘When Goodrem tragically contracted non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma in 2003, the bogan was able to forge a deep spiritual connection with this chanteuse it had never met, extending its deepest sympathies and allowing it to feel that it had contributed directly to Goodrem’s fortunate recovery.’

TBL, you’ve missed a great self referential opportunity in the above sentence.

May I suggest ‘extending its deepest sympathies, by joining a facebook group’ and allowing it to feel…..’

Or did facebook not exist in 2003? (Apologies if this is so. As a non-facebooker I don’t have a clue.)


Good point, but it wasn’t until September 2006 that Facebook was open to the general public. TBL

26 03 2010
Shirley M

FB didn’t exist in 2003. Those were the days….

26 03 2010
Shirley M

On the topic of FB, you really do have some moronic ‘fans’ there, TBL. I guess that’s the nature of the beast.

26 03 2010
reparty

Yep, in 2003 productivity at work was still pretty good.

26 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Hear, Hear Shirley.

26 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

Facebook is a despicable thing.
There are some things I would just rather not know.

*shudder*

26 03 2010
Antosha

FB is quite effectively filtered in our office. You open FB… and your computer goes into total meltdown. You quickly learn to just leave it alone..

On the Delta topic… was she not dumped by the Poo ???

Now that’s saying something.

28 03 2010
Mark of Pyrmont

A clarification : Delta had/has Hodgkins Lymphoma. I have non- Hodgkins Lymphoma. There is a difference, though they’re both blood cancers. I’m in my 3rd year of treatment.

28 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I don’t think anyone really cares.

28 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

jesus

28 03 2010
brad

someone has a hangover methinks

28 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Possibly, if you’re that way inclined: https://thingsboganslike.wordpress.com/2010/01/21/69-megachurches/

28 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

hell no!
http://www.positiveatheism.org/

see also catherine deveney

28 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Atheism isn’t a bogan pursuit – it requires a degree of intellectualism the bogan is, a priori, incapable of.

28 03 2010
brad

a sociopathic dispostion also helps

28 03 2010
Shirley M

Don’t bogans all subscribe to the bastardised version of karma (ie. retribution)?

28 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I’m incapable of commenting, but that won’t stop me. Yes, yes they do.

28 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

yeah.
just wanted to establish that I have no particular relationship with any imaginary friends,
and want no truck with folk stories.

cos I thought that was what you implied.
y’know… when I said jesus.
…just that was some frosty shit.
which is also fine.

unless you were just calling me a bogan.
which is ok too.

(suffering at the hand of metabolytes of beer.)

28 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Are you also James Hunter and / or Common Man?

28 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

Most Certainly Not Sir!

I Am who I Am.

28 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

ah!
I see.
you thought I was suggesting jesus cares.

oh.
no I doubt he does.

on another ‘brane

28 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Took you long enough…

28 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

ibid metabolytes

29 03 2010
Mark of Pyrmont

Thankyou, Fiona of Toorak. You’re a truly decent human being.

26 03 2010
Jon Jonson

…on celebrity shill – Lady Gaga and Cindy Lauper plugging make up with Sharon Osbourne.

eeew.

1 04 2010
Annette

Well… if anyone needs makeup those three are obvious candidates…

30 06 2010
V

Snap!

26 03 2010
vivisection

I used to work in the Como Centre where Bert Newton was filmed. One morning, on my way downstairs for a break, I was in the elevator and heard the most horrendous banshee wailing. I turned to my colleague and said “What the fuck was that?, get ready to kill it!” We stepped out of the elevator and saw Ms Goodrimmer singing the scales in the foyer of the office tower elevators. Shameless l’il show pony.

26 03 2010
caracal1788

The Como centre lifts are good for a lot of B-grade celebrity action.

26 03 2010
Andrea

Only the most mindless individuals would believe that Delta’s luxurious locks come from using Sunsilk. There is a hair salon (bogan for hairdressers) in Melbourne with a signed photo of Delta, thanking them for her hair extensions.

I really hated the way Delta went from chemo hair to halfway down her back in a year. I shaved my head three years ago for the Greatest Shave and it’s only now getting back to its old length (four inches past shoulders). My cousin was miserable after her chemo when she discovered that her hair wouldn’t grow back as fast as DG’s. Another example would be on the hell we call Homeless and Gay where a cancer sufferer gained her hair back in four months – the hell?!?

26 03 2010
Shirley M

Speaking of hair salons, I saw one yesterday called ‘Hair dot Comb’. I think I’m going to destroy it with a molotov cocktail.

26 03 2010
Benjamin

Hair salons are a rich source of humour.

There was one in Newtown (Sydney) that charged different rates depending on who did the hair. From “Junior Stylist” up through the ranks to “Artistic Director”, with commensurate fees – the latter being a massively insulting figure.

Oh how we all laughed.

At least the recipient could tell other femme bogues could boast about it, which would justify the price of course.

26 03 2010
Shirley M

‘Artistic Director’. Pfft.

I was once charged an inconceivable amount of money for a haircut and when I questioned the price I was informed that I had indeed been tended to by the ‘Artistic Director’. I inquired as to the credentials of said ‘AD’, and surprisingly enough they had graduated from a TAFE just like every other hairdresser.

26 03 2010
pb

one of the reasons i cut my own hair. i see no reason to pay ridiculous amounts of money for something i can do in my own bathroom free.

26 03 2010
Tanka

I remember seeing want ads for “Hair Engineers”.

26 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

It’s like being a “sandwich artist” at Subway!

26 03 2010
Robbie

Oh Shirley, your comment made my day 🙂

26 03 2010
berihebi

I’d root her.

26 03 2010
Pete

Keeping it real berihebi, nice.

26 03 2010
Antosha

That’s not bogan at all…

1 04 2010
Annette

I wouldn’t! Even if she IS a robot…

26 03 2010
loftie

“These two products are so face-meltingly bogan that their combination with such a bogan witch doctor is the proverbial bogan bug-zapper.”

Love it…

I see a bogan and a bug zapper, much like Bart Simpson and the electrified cupcake that Lisa rigs up – to test “Is my brother dumber than a mouse”…

26 03 2010
SM Adelaide

I dunno TBL. Though bogans love celebrities, Ms. Goodrem would be low on their favourites list. She is fairly polite which doesn’t make her x-treme enough to be up there with Pink/Fevola ect.

26 03 2010
pinky has a brain

“The bogan likes buying things. Delta likes selling things. In some cosmic alignment only seen every 5,000 years or in the occasional Schwarzenegger film, Goodrem began to mine a vein of bogan bucks so rich as to boggle the mind of amateurs like Max Markson.”

Great TBL lines Ever!!! Thank you so much TBL…I will be laughing for the rest of the day.

26 03 2010
pinky has a brain

BEST** not great…Urgh…Quick to the coffee machine!!

26 03 2010
SheikYerbouti

http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-more-computers-less-sport/

“Mosman High has decided to trial the Nintendo Wii as a fitness alternative to traditional sport. The school is quick to point out the virtual syllabus includes the game Wii Sports. It sounds sporty, and indeed it is, if your prerequisite for sporting activity is the ability to hold a pizza slice while playing.”

26 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

sweet jeepers take me now.

26 03 2010
Jerry

Read the article. Kinda scary when you think about it. Does that mean the school(s) can make more money by leasing out their sports grounds to other organisations (i.e. skirmish games) or sell it to developers to build properties?

By the way, love the Zappa reference *thumbs up*

26 03 2010
Mezz

You work for the NSW Dept of Education don’t you Jerry?

If not you should!!

26 03 2010
berihebi

Non-selective public school on the lower North Shore, an anachronism surely.

26 03 2010
T-ra

Well done TBL. This plastic harpie who sold her soul to the advertising devil annoys the begezus out of me. I still recall when she became ill one of the bogan secretaries I worked with at the time broke down in tears and said words to the effect ‘this is proof that there is no God…how could he allow someone as wonderful as Delta can get cancer!’ As it turns out it was career enhancing cancer, so it was all ok!

26 03 2010
Mezz

Didn’t she release a biographical piece after the cancer? I’m sure that would make a rivetting read..

26 03 2010
Mezz

“Now fatter, dumber, with greasy hair, equally greasy skin, a love of Lady Gaga and an inexplicable addiction to soy milk – its long-held soy allergy notwithstanding”

Classic stuff. I’m getting a sore stomach however from just thinking about the curdling mixture of So Good and Mother! If they didn’t have a genuine intestinal condition or food allergy, they will no doubt have one soon.

26 03 2010
pinky has a brain

I just threw up in my mouth

26 03 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Stop drinking Soy Milk/Mother shakes and you wont feel so sick.

Maybe a new Boost Juice concoction. Get all the health benefits of Soy milk while enjoying the maxtremeness of the high octane energyness of Mother.

26 03 2010
Sten

I can really see “maxtreme/ness” taking off. I just hope it always retains it’s ironic connotations.

26 03 2010
Gavin

maybe a maxtreme booster pack for your soy-boost smoothie

26 03 2010
Sten

Only if it’s from Boost Juice, Gavin.

27 03 2010
Pinky has a brain

I don’t need to drink it, the thought is enough.

30 06 2010
V

You may like to know that coca-cola is currently working on a mother milk drink.

Ok, I can’t confirm it’ll be called “mothers milk”, but they are working on a milk energy drink.

I’m starting to believe that most products are marketed towards bogans.

26 03 2010
Snag

Great post TBL. I’m not in 100% in agreement with the target for the day (didn’t really think bogans liked her that much), but some of the lines in your post were pure gold.

“The combination of bogan–standard good looks, vanilla bland balladry and the perception of purity were deeply appealing to the female bogan’s need to idolise the Diana, and the male bogan’s desire to violate it”
Absolutely priceless!

26 03 2010
Simon

*Caution – Slightly off topice rant below*

I have decided I fucking hate bogans and the reason for this is the Pixies.

I ventured into the western suburbs last night, risking a glassing and my car getting stripped, to see one of the greatest rock bands ever and had a great bogan free time. No Ed Hardy, no southern cross tatts, no congo line of 12 year olds with aussie flag capes pushing over the top of me to get to the front. My boganometer was quiet all night.

There exists bands like the Pixies, Sonic Youth, Sleater Kinny and Neil Young but because of bogans we are bombarded with Pink, Andre and KoL and their lame popularist crap. Movies like Lawrence of Arabia, Dr Strangelove, The Proposition and There Will be Blood have been and are made but Transformers 2, Spiderman and Titanic get the crowds. TV shows like Faulty Towers, Deadwood, Seinfeld and Mad Men show us what can be done but switch on the TV and 2 1/2 men or Idol is on 24/7. Books like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, JG Ballards Short stories or The Outsider are written and Dan Browns Claptrap is what sells. People like Bingle, Paris Hilton and Delta achieve fame with no discernable qualities.

Bogans bring the lowest common denominator and this is what corporates sieze on and innundate us with as much as we may try to avoid it. So I fucking hate bogans and the dumbing down of society that happens so X-treme amounts of money can be hoovered from their open wallets when there is so much of value out there to challenge and delight us instead.

So fuck bogans and where they are leading society in their lemming like rush to pleasure themselves. Stay alert people lest you stray onto their path and hurt yourselves.

26 03 2010
Shirley M

I admire your hard line stance, Simon.

26 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You’re in the wrong place. You belong here: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/full-list-of-stuff-white-people-like/

26 03 2010
Simon

I was waiting for that! You never disappoint Fiona.

26 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. BTW, I hope you enjoyed “The Pixies”. Can I suggest “The Toadies” to you as a band you may enjoy?

26 03 2010
Simon

I did and yes you may. I would love to see a “coloured” list. Perhaps Berihebi can give us an Indian perspective?

26 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. OK… In that case, I suggest “The Toadies” – you can find most of their stuff on YouTube.

26 03 2010
Simon

I always saw you as a more classical girl Fiona, you never fail to surprise. I should have put Pavement on the list, how cool and white are they?

26 03 2010
Shirley M

Milky white and super cool.

26 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. My interests are wide and varied.

27 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

I want to suggest Art Brut

I was coming home from Bunnings and heard them on the radio and was reminded black charles francis frank thompson black produced their last album.

but you already knew that…

and modest mouse.

long time fan…

my beautiful wife rounded out my love for the pixies. and I will love her always.

champagne laybacks!

27 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

I voted for “Tiny Cities Made of Ashes.” in the hottest 100 of all time.

best song ever written.
and never would have existed if not for talking heads, sonic youth and the fall.

too cool.

27 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

‘I just left the hotel amnesia. I had to go there’

‘Prolapse!’
– The Classical

26 03 2010
Phil

Maybe the team behind TBL and all commenters need to meet in person and start a revolution to create a bogan free zone in the western suburbs. And with over 5,000 fans on the facebook page we can start a politacal pressure group to make Melbourne the first bogan free zone in Australia.

26 03 2010
Simon

Um, Adelaide dude. Actually ,sorry Fiona thinks that is in Melbournes west.

26 03 2010
Phil

What do you mean? Melbourne’s west is home to Broadmeadows where most Indian students get beaten up by bogans for having brown skin.

26 03 2010
Simon

Yeah, I was talking about Adelaide’s western suburbs but it applies to all cities except Perth anyway.

26 03 2010
chris

correct simon,

we perthians do have western suburbs but here it is the upper-class, leafy part of the city.

26 03 2010
Simon

Perth has Mandurah!

26 03 2010
Snag

I agree with you 100%. I live in the western suburbs of Adelaide and would love to see a bogan-free zone between Port Rd and Anzac Highway. Not sure we have much hope though; Footy Park is in that area.

26 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

Not likely.
Bunnings is in there too.

27 03 2010
Snag

With Harvey Norman next door to it. You’re right, I’m sure bogans allign themselves and pray in that direction every day.

27 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

& Anaconda.
BBQs Galore…
hmm.
I say we nuke it.

28 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

oh god
and Mr & Mrs Bankrupt.
mega mega mega mega

26 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Correction, FAR west.

26 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Please excuse my ignorance if this has been said before.

I was born and raised in Adelaide.
On a recent road trip around Australia I found this secret.
Adelaide is like metaphorical, cultural meme for our beloved old bogans.
To be found in all directions, at all times and on any day.
Into footy, Farmers Union, the pie duopoly etc…
People have either never been to Adelaide, know where it is or like it.
If they have visited they are aware that Adelaide has a large populace of these charming folk.
Adelaide would be the perfect place to establish this Bogan Free Zone as there are hardly any people in Adelaide that are not old school bogans.

Otherwise, we can try Tasmania.

Pol Roger!

26 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

*don’t know where it is

26 03 2010
Tombarina

I heard a standup comedian who’d escaped the place describe it as: “Adelaide – home of the National Cousin-F&*king Festival”.

I laughed til I…stopped. Eventually.

27 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

That’s a fucking laugh!!!

😀

27 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I wan’t to change my number plates from “festival state” to “cousin f**king state”.

27 03 2010
Snag

I thought it was Tasmania that was always ridiculed as the in-bred state?

26 03 2010
Binx

Hi all, first time poster. (Fiona from Toorak, love your work!!)

Simon, you remind me of when I was buying tickets for Died Pretty and Ed Kuepper a few years back. (2 totally non-Bogan Australian rock artists). Tickets went on sale same day as Bon Jovi. I was halfway through a massive queue at the local Ticketek – the manager was walking through the queue and I said to him – and everyone surrounding – “I’m not here for Bon Jovi, I’m here for Died Pretty and Ed Kuepper!” I was moved to the front of the queue, purchased my tickets and left. I had a wonderful feeling of non-bogan pride. (I was the only non-BJ customer there!)

26 03 2010
Simon

Welcome.

26 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. All the other people were lining up for a BJ. Ticket.

26 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Binx, they served you first because everyone else wanted BJs…

I always wonder how people with the name BJ/Beejay cope… I used to work with one. No one else seemed to notice…??

26 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I guess they just suck it up.

26 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Yeah, or risk a mouth full

26 03 2010
Shirley M

I know BJ jokes should be hard for me to swallow, but I just can’t get enough of them.

26 03 2010
James

They always leave a bad taste in the mouth though…

26 03 2010
Shirley M

They can. I find that’s more the case with felching jokes.

26 03 2010
Benjamin

STOP THIS THREAD NOW!

*ralph*

26 03 2010
Shirley M

There always has to be a stick in the mud…

26 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

bj
felching
*snigger*

26 03 2010
Robbie

spitting would help that 😛

26 03 2010
Daniel

Simon– you’ve just now figured out that corporations pander to the lowest common denominator? Welcome to the 20th century!

26 03 2010
Simon

*Smacks head*

26 03 2010
Sten

Welcome to Capitalism, Simon. I don’t care much for most of the swill you mentioned either. But I still enjoy my place, far from the madding crowd. I’m happy to let ’em have their Boost Juice, Dan Brown and Charlie Sheen, while I stick to fantastic Czech Pilsener (brewed in the Czech Repuclic, of course!), George Orwell and apparrel which is comfortable, reasonably priced and not a walking billboard. As long as I can go to the Pub and not get glassed or called a know-it-all poof, I’m happy.

26 03 2010
Felyshya

saved

26 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

beautifully put simon. It brings a wee tear to my eye when I contemplate the state o’ play in our beloved western democracile. Perhaps we can bear in mind that inspite the tsunami of tripe there will always be Pixies and all the other beautiful things you mention. It is always the pioneers who dare to go where the great unwashed will not and who will be loved and remembered forever. banality, imitation and mediocrity fade like the cheap fireworks they are. the stars will shine for billions and billions of years.
hang in there champ.

soooo jealous you saw the Pixies.

:p

26 03 2010
Simon

Thanks Chubby, it was very cool after 20 years of listening to finally see them.

26 03 2010
toony

Thats the reason I didn’t go! I thought “You fuckers finally come out to Australia after a 20+ year ‘can’t be arsed’ policy….”
It’s cutting nose, spiting face….but?
Mr Grieves still number four in my top-10 alltime.

26 03 2010
Shirley M

They were here a couple of years ago for the V festival.

They were awesome of course, and I will add that it was the most bogan free festival I’ve ever attended.

26 03 2010
toony

…and they happily agreed to a contract that forbade side shows so that the ‘V Festival’ maXimised attendances. To a Gold Coast resort. Owned by Branson.

Not the atmosphere I’d expect to seeing the Pixies. Nah, I already had the shits by then! 😉

26 03 2010
Simon

Toony, sorry mate but huge mistake, Mr Grieves rocked last night. Rest of the top 10 please.

26 03 2010
toony

Ohhh… I dread this moment…

1. Stranglers – Golden Brown
2. Radio Birdman – Descent into maelstrom
3. Fugazi – Waiting Room
4. Pixies – Mr. Grieve
5. Swervedriver – Last train to satansville
6. Pogues – If I should fall from grace
7. Smiths – Big mouth strikes again
8. Budd – Yeti
9. Johnny Cash and June C Cash – Jackson (yeah, not Jaxsun!)
10. Gene Vincent – Race with the devil….

Nos 1 thru 6 stay true. The others fluctuate. There’s Tumbleweed, Hard-Ons, Celibate Rifles, early Midnight Oil, Minor Threat, Suicidals…. Blowhard, Mouthguard…..all could fill a space on a different night in a different mood 😉

26 03 2010
brad

TISM-if your creative then you can get stuffed

26 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

danger.
you can’t just…
do that.
in a place full of hipster wannabe, aging, quasi-intellectual frustrated writers…
you just cannot do that!
I swear my heart stopped when I scrolled down.

26 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

U-mass

28 03 2010
Simon

Vamos.

27 03 2010
Keeping Kosher Klansman

Fecking hipsters with their incessant hipster namedropping…

I mean, even the most clueless of bogan would know The Smiths are overrated, Morrissey’s a whining twit whose voice is more grating than that of Dave Hughes, the best work Johnny Marr’s ever done is on the latest Cribs record, the best Radio Birdman song is Aloha, the best Pixies song is Caribou in a tie with Alec Eiffel and Wave of Mutilation (the UK Surf Mix, y’know, from Pump Up the Volume? Underrated movie…), the best Fugazi song is Merchandise…

And, like, that Trompe Le Monde is underrated, Fugazi’s later work is underrated, particularly The Argument record and Place Position from End Hits… although the bogue worries that hardcore, with all its self-righteous posturing, has a certain homophobia about it, even though it’s all about angry, shirtless, sweaty white gentlemen jumping around in close proximity… and, like, Kim Deal’s, like, still a fox after all these years… almost willing to fork out the 90 Festering Hall bucks just to see her go “ooh-ooh” in her Where Is My Mind backing vocals, even though they were just supposed to play the slightly overrated Doolittle album but surely in the encore they would’ve, like, uh… still would’ve been nice to ask her out for a beer after the show, if she’s back on the sauce of course, but, like…

Fecking hipsters and their namedropping…

Sorry, just got home drunk. Might have to glass myself to sleep… or listen to Minor Threat’s complete discography. Those soothing melodies will doubtless have me drifting off to sleepytown upon a cloud of Valium-injected marshmallows in no time…

27 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

And name dropping only on one side of the atlantic, like they did half a degree at like community college in upstate NY…
…like, in the nineties.

😀

no mention of Polly Jean Harvey or Thom Yorke yet
so I nominate “This Mess we’re in.” purest sonic beauty.

27 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

niiiice.

27 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

@KKK

but also Edna.

29 03 2010
toony

Hipster? What language are you talking?
I’m 41yo.

You daft twat… and I don’t mean that as a sign of disrespect to all the other U14s on this site.

27 03 2010
Simon

Toony, good job in sharing. I shall reciprocate but with albums because that is what I prefer and in no particular order
Pixies – Surfer Rosa
You Am I – HiFi Way
PJ Harvey – Stories from the City, Stories from the Sea
Sonic Youth – Washing Machine
Fugazi – The Arguement
Neil Young – Freedom
Bjork – Homogenic
Pink Floyd – The Wall
Sleater Kinney – The Woods
Magic Dirt – Friends in Danger

Just for the record I am not a hipster by any stretch of the imagination but obviously formed my music tastes in the late 80’s 90’s.

27 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I know I’m not invited…. but…

Army of me – Bjork
Dancing Barefoot – Patti Smith
Hooker with a Penis – Tool
Hey – Pixies
Goin’ out west – Tom Waits
The Sky Lit Up – Pj Harvey
Dirty Boots – Sonic Youth
Unfinished Sympathy – Massive Attack
Black Swan – Thom Yorke
& Anything by Radiohead!!

* If I was able to make it 11 songs I would definitely have something by Peaches.

27 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I need to also add:
A # 1 – Desert Sessions

and anything by Queens Of The Stone Age!

27 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

well it’s a bit girly…

*snort*

“super cool” as our french cousins would have it.

27 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

we should totally get a room.

27 03 2010
Simon

Nice! Anyone else?

27 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

are you kidding?

Devo – Social Fools
Radiohead – Bodysnatchers
The Dead Kennedys – too drunk to fuck
The Dandy Warhols – bohemian like you
Tool – Aenima
R.E.M. – These Days
Underworld – 8 Ball
Modest Mouse – Tiny Cities Made of Ashes
Something with Josh Homme. (who art gifted with “The Rock!”)

I figure I get teenage riot and U-mass (“That Boy sure can holler.”) for free.

27 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Sorry for going spastic on the keyboard tonight.
Pretty sad being a Saturday and all.
Anyway, I would like to also add to my list The Jesus and Mary Chain:
Reverence
Teenage Lust
Crackin’ up

27 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

love your music.
(you too Toony)
got me thrashing through my ITunes.

I think it’s soo cool that we came in here and graffitied all over delta goodrem.

27 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

and this…

27 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Punk as F**k

27 03 2010
Shirley M

While all you name droppers seem to have a relatively decent taste in music, I will never understand why y’all think that Sonic Youth is so flippin’ special.

I wouldn’t piss on Kim Gordon if she was on fire.

27 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

Sonic Youth made everything ok.

27 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

@ Simon re Shirley.
I feel the same about Fugazi

28 03 2010
Shirley M

You leave Fugazi alone. Do you hear me?

28 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

I’m with Chubby!
I Don’t get it?

28 03 2010
Shirley M

I wouldn’t think so.

28 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

…hard core…
pfft
but for some reason
lots of cool people I know diggit
they’re also Vegans…

so

28 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

God knows where this will end up.

At Fugazi fans. Just being a little facetious and drawing a very long bow.
Minot threat, Fugazi, hardcore, straight edge……………………….. emo.
😀

I’m only obsessed with MY music.
Can I get a LOL here!!!

27 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Since when did we wait for invitations here, Edna? 😀

27 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Thanks Alyssa
:X
I just feel compelled to post, as I am obsessed with music.

Music Is Life!!!

27 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

exotic ciderfest!

28 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Sorry Shirley, I want to see the appeal, but I don’t.
Do we have Fugazi to blame for Emo?

😀

28 03 2010
Simon

Shirl, Sonic Youth gave us melodic white noise, what more do you want? Edna ,Fugazi and Emo? I thought you were obsessed with music, they are vastly different, go get The Arguement then listen to My Chemical Romance or some such tripe and tell me they come from the same place. Sorry but I could not leave that statement unchallenged.

28 03 2010
Shirley M

I’m not sure if this comment is going to end up where I want it to, but I’m sure you guys will figure it out.

I did like Sonic Youth once upon a time, but that all changed after I saw them live. I now curse myself for ever contributing to them financially. Thurston Moore is a talented little pretentious c*nt, though.

28 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

oops.
My reply is above Simon.
Come on, I love youse all.

28 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

I feel like such a fucking n*rd!

28 03 2010
Simon

LOL!

28 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

that really is a pretty fucking cool list simon.

26 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Beautifully put both Simon and Chubby.

I, for one, am glad that these precious gems like the Pixies, Sonic Youth etc are kept a secret from the modern day bogue. If I had to share these things (for which at times, have been life changing) with the likes of the modern bogue, I would lose all hope and most certainly cry myself to sleep at night.
How much fantastic music of the last 20 or so years was inspired by these seminal bands?
The world would be a sadder place without them!
But how much more sad would it have been to share your experience last night with a bunch of hooting , drunken bogans.

28 03 2010
Whistling Nixie

It’s bad enough that those morons latched onto Nirvana in the early ’90s, verifying the chorus to “In Bloom” (“Here’s someone who likes all our pretty songs / And he likes to sing along / And he likes to shoot his guns / But he don’t know what it means”)

26 03 2010
Kate

Well done Simon, well done.

*applauds*

28 03 2010
Simon

*Bows, asks for phone number*

28 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I sense an entry in our near future… “Things Bogans Like: trying to make pop music seem important”.

28 03 2010
Simon

Great Western

28 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

a facebook page: Things Bogans don’t just like totally DIG!!!

the undergraduates got drunk and made a mess in here.
your fault simon.

26 03 2010
David Heslin

My first girlfriend worshipped Goodrem, so this post is doubly satisfying. I never could stand her – far too ‘wholesome’ for my liking. 😛

26 03 2010
loftie

Delta needs to hang out with Britney and L-Lo… perhaps a bit of GAGA…

Dirty her self up a little…

Thought – remember… she was shacking up with the ‘poo’ for a while (mark philipousis) and that ain’t exactly clean…

26 03 2010
Shirley M

I can claim to have witnessed Delta and The Poo making out. It made me feel dirty, and not in the good way.

26 03 2010
betterthantheoriginalwally

Ahhh the Poo. Wasnt Paris Hilton involved in this sordid saga?

Combine semi-talented pap-peddler, (Formerly) Cashed-Up Wogan and walking inflatable doll. Mix thoroughly and serve hot to bogan.

26 03 2010
Simon

You are right. Femmebogues were outraged when the Dangerous Floater cheated on “our” Delta with Paris. Male bogans applauded.

27 03 2010
DP

Where is Michael Hutchence when you need him. He made a tramp out of Kylie – best career move ever.

28 03 2010
Whistling Nixie

Indeed, he’s the man who put the KY into Kylie!

26 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Surely Delta’s appeal is in her name – how the marketing “geniuses” (*blush*) were able to team her up with “So Good” due to the fact that four letters, all in the right order appeared in both names.

“So clever” thought the bogue…

26 03 2010
James

Oh yeah its like a trick with words and that.

26 03 2010
KLFH

I was watching one of the music channels on Foxtel and one of her songs (In this Life) came on. I turned to my husband and said “this really is shit”. Can be said about her entire musical career.

26 03 2010
Keeping Kosher Klansman

Hinting at Lady Gaga for #115, you devils?

P!nk = x-treme

Lady Gaga = maxXxstreme

She might shriek about that “poker face” of hers – meanwhile the manbogue, happily relieved of $100, is in the front row at Rod Laver Arena giving her the “(I wanna) poke ‘er face”.

26 03 2010
JimC

This post raises a good point. Does she even make records anymore?

26 03 2010
Mezz

Did she ever make records – I know that some so called industry folk tried to peddle her garbage as music for a while there but some of us never bit.

26 03 2010
Samantha Morris

What? No mention of Mark Philippoussis?

26 03 2010
Sir Danksalot

Another request for a new TBL post now that the AFL season has commenced would either be one of the following: footy shows on TV (in general); “The Footy Show” (either AFL or NRL version would garner enough bogan brownie points for inclusion on this genius blog); or even better a TBL tribute to the godfather of footy boganism – John Sammy Newman. Surely he is the prehistoric version of Fevola yet still able to earn over a million schwamolies a year from the bogan puppet-masters at channel nine. There is so much content here ripe for attacking viciously with the TBL bat (or even glassing) – croneyism, xenophobia, heartily endorsing bogue-products, boozing, sexism, homophobia etc etc…

26 03 2010
Phil

John Newman is his real name, he’s not a bogan though even though he’s adored by bogans. He’s very well spoken, private school educated (went to Geelong Grammar School), and of course has a wicked sense of humor. In the 90’s the AFL Footy Show was at it’s finest. He’s one of Australia’s great comedians for mine.
Unfortunatly today his mind has gone now that he’s well into his 60’s and the channel 9 execs wheel out his rotting carcass every year to reel in more bogan ratings.

27 03 2010
Pinky has a brain

Years of cocaine abuse will do that.

27 03 2010
Tombarina

Phil, I respectfully disagree. Boganism is not intrinsically linked to education, elocution or SOH. It’s a state of mind, and demonstrated via one’s conduct.

Sam “Pass me the Botox and the 22yo fembogue hottie” Newman comes perilously close to epitomising boganhood. He is the Bogfather.

28 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

Bogfather.
nice.

28 03 2010
Tombarina

Thanks, Chubby. You’re welcome to use it, anytime…..

26 03 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

I think you are wrong on Sam Newman. He is very anti bogan. Actually should be made partron of this blog.

Actullay though Sam is just not anti bogan, he is elitist.

While the ethos of this blog is to attack bogans of all socio economic persuasions (bogan is what bogan does/buys), Newman rails against all common folk be they bogan or non bogan.

if fact the sweeping generalisations and stereotyping of poorer folk as items of derision, would be initself classed as bogan.

So in actual fact Sam Newman has bogan traits, and I have had a circular argument with myself and lost.

Haha, most excellent. TBL

26 03 2010
toony

WMA, you can also add racism, misogyny, physical aggression and what has to be a classic display of psycopathy….

27 03 2010
29 03 2010
Valo

The prototype of the NaB on The Footy Show (AFL) would have to be James Brayshaw. In fact the whole 9/MMM football coverage is so boguetastic that the bogues themselves will even turn off the Calvin Harris/Dizzee Rascal/Hilltop Hoods track they are downloading so they can listen to a group of overpaid bogans talk about everything except the game itself.

26 03 2010
Sir Danksalot

By the way the line in this TBL post “The combination of bogan–standard good looks, vanilla bland balladry and the perception of purity were deeply appealing to the female bogan’s need to idolise the Diana, and the male bogan’s desire to violate it” is one of the greatest ever posted here in this hallowed webspace! Truly magnificent TBL!

26 03 2010
loftie

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/1032277/mad-grab-as-truck-spills-us100000

Great story – i know its not the place… but definately read it…

26 03 2010
loftie

For those who don’t wanna follow the link…

A truck in the USA dropped a bag filled with $100,000 cash…

Cue – Mad Frenzy to snap up the cash…
Only $10,500 has been recovered…

The Rest???

26 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Oh! That same thing happened years ago while I was in LA – in some slum suburb.
It would be a lovely Robin Hood type story if you didn’t think about how the money may be ill-spent…

26 03 2010
Mezz

Just think – If it happened in certain areas of Sydney or Melbourne, the police could just head for the nearest Ed Harry merchandiser and find most if not all of the unrecovered cash..

26 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Why don’t money trucks crash here?

The best I’ve ever seen was a XXXX truck lose its haul on an overpass in The Valley (Fortitude Valley) in Brisbane… “Opportunists” could be seen lying all over the lawn beneath drinking hot beer all afternoon… The kinds of people who don’t need it chilled… Or feel any need to hide their bounty…

26 03 2010
Tombarina

Aaahhhh – luxury. When I was a kiddie, a semi loaded with bananas tipped on the highway near my childhood hometown. I can safely attest that for years afterwards, kids from that particular ‘hood would sooner have tucked into a nutritious bowl of monkeys’ arses than another bloody banana.

The same effect was NOT observed, however, when a beer-laden semi tipped several years later. After emerging from a mysterious dose of three-day flu and vomiting, the males of the district retained their taste for the item in question.

None of this has anything to do with Ms Goodrem. Except for the reference to vomiting…

27 03 2010
brad

what would you do?,gather it up and return it?-im sure you could do with the extra cash as most people on this blog could being that they’re either students or white collar assembly line workers

26 03 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Oh NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kevin Rudd the Prime Minister of the country is not up on the latest bogan full on ACA scandal.

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/entertainment/tv/hey-dad-actor-robert-hughes-denies-sex-claims/story-e6frf9ho-1225844921221

They have actually changed the headline from “Hey Dad! actor Simone Buchanan says she was touched ‘inappropriately’ by actor Robert Hughes, Kevin Rudd ignorant”

Now we know that News Corp has less morals than, well I cant think what, but to associate Rudd with the Hey fiasco was just one bridge too far.

26 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Perhaps because he doesn’t pay attention to scandals/gossip/fiction… I’m sure he’ll make mention if it ever proves to be true and/or a police report actually made…

26 03 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Or maybe if the headline was “Working Familys says it was touched ‘inappropriately’ by actor Robert Hughes” old Kruddy would prick up his ears

26 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Do you mean to say that the Prime Minister’s aural detection devices have not been encumbered by even the smallest portion of hearsay apropos the ‘May I have Your Attention Paternal Parent!’ issue?

26 03 2010
Jodie

Haha. “Aussie Mums And Dads Molested By Robert Hughes, Bank CEOS.”

26 03 2010
Jodie

Bahaaaa! Loving it:

http://blogs.news.com.au/jackmarxlive/index.php/news/comments/my_hey_dad_hell/

So true. I call it the Everybody Loves Raymond effect. I.e. how in the hell did such craptacularly unfunny dross stay on the air so damn long?

26 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I think TBL should offer a “guest spot” to one of their regular contributors. How about it fellas, turn it over to the fans for a day…

26 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Sure, Fiona – what will your article be about?

26 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I would just delve into the vast store of minutiae I’ve gathered on the lives of the lesser people. Who can say?

26 03 2010
Benjamin

Why herself, of course!

Oh – now I’m in trouble…

*sound of fast retreating footsteps*

26 03 2010
Keeping Kosher Klansman

Hot off the presses. Just down the street from my workplace.

Swallow your anti-bogan pride and get to La Porchetta now for a ‘Meat Lovers Against Motorbike Fatalities’.

http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/la-porchetta-founder-dies-in-motorbike-crash-20100326-r2j3.html

26 03 2010
Antosha

Now he can explain his drink driving, indecent assualt of a young woman and the shooting death to his maker.

26 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I wonder if his maker will throw him in the air and spin him around?

26 03 2010
Tombarina

Oh, FiONa! Shame on you. Deep-pan, cheese-stuffed crust shame.

26 03 2010
Keeping Kosher Klansman

New Underbelly series pending: “Rocky’s Legacy: An Assault on Taste Buds and Waitresses”.

I see method actor Kyle Sandilands in the lead role, perhaps Delta as said waitress and Brian McFadden as murdered gentleman. Litter minor parts with various Italian-Australian theatre actors. Work in Brendan Fevola somehow.

A definite winner.

Get to it, Channel 9.

Your writers are going to have to supply the tits though… Delta doesn’t seem the type (maybe for a price?) and Kyle’s are all hairy.

26 03 2010
Antosha

ALAS !!! I love it !!!

26 03 2010
Sten Mk II

wikipedia entry for La Porchetta has been updated already! Megan Lewy for Bogan Journo of the Year!

26 03 2010
Ash

This post is so true but you’re using Delta as a sacrificial lamb.

27 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

More of a scape goat.

but I stand by it sir!

I should go to bed.

26 03 2010
Mark

incidentally, Delta’s brother Trent plays Aussie Rules for Central District Bulldogs in the SANFL, they’re based in Adelaide’s northern suburbs, Salisbury/Elizabeth (or, “Sorrsbry”/”Lizbuff”), you don’t get much more bogan than that

and to add to the bogan-ness, they’re pretty much the only Aussie Rules team whose fans have a reputation for lighting flares

28 03 2010
Will S

Flares aren’t bogue, they’re true Euro culcha!

27 03 2010
Going bogue

It’s weird, Delts is the kind if woman you would presume bogans hate: mildly-talented, goody-two-shoes who went to an elite private school (by elite I mean not constructed within the last 15 years as part of a Delfin estate). Yet, they fucking lover her!

27 03 2010
28 03 2010
Tombarina

Thanks, Sam. I particularly enjoyed the bit about the glasser sustaining a cut finger in the melee.
Honestly, girls, until you can carve up random bystanders without inflicting injury upon yourselves, leave it to the boys. Such amateur-hour shenanigans make a mockery of this time-honoured bogan activity.

28 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

glassing technique coming soon to new & zoo weeklies.

29 03 2010
pb

hang on, the suburb is called ‘success’?! bogue-o-rama.

30 03 2010
Sam

Sad isn’t it? And you thought “Lake Views” (with no lake) was a bogan name.

28 03 2010
R.Belka

Where’s post #115? I am WAITING!

28 03 2010
Chic Brodie

I just love how the bogan is simultaneously addicted to the middle of the road while intent on demonstrating its supposedly no-limits max-tremity…

28 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. OMG, I just watched “Air Ways”. Is this normal behaviour for bogans when they fly????

28 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. The woman who missed the Degas exhibition – she was staying in a caravan park in Canberra. Classy!

28 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

how would we know what bogans do?

good gracious me.

28 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Well, I for one watch you lot carefully – you offer great insight.

29 03 2010
Sten Mk II

I used to work not far from the gate in success(scene on femme bogan glassing) and the boss shouted us friday afternoon drinks. i said” we going to the gate”?
He just looked at me, shook his head, and said “want to get stabbed do we”?

Thats why he was the boss i guess.

29 03 2010
Sam

Yes, those outer suburban Perth pubs should all be closed. Due to our family first laws in Perth, the only place in the outburbs where pubs will be granted a licence is at suburban shopping malls (Westfield, Centro and the like). So we have bogan McMansion types, going to bogan shopping malls to buy plasmas, Ed Hardy, coke and frozen pies and then stopping off with the kids for a quick dozen bourbons and a glassing or two on the way home – it is a disaster.

Getting out of the car anywhere between South Street and Dunsborough is rolling the dice.

So glad we have the Mandurah bypass bypass now, but that fricken train line just keeps bringing ’em up.

29 03 2010
Sam

A few years ago, but it just finished in the courts. These are you typical Perthites, we do it tough over here…

http://www.perthnow.com.au/lifestyle/welcome-to-was-wildest-wedding-day/story-e6frg3pl-1225846341940

29 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

*sigh*
I miss Perth.

29 03 2010
Chairman Miaow

Oh the joy! Apparently US bogues are called ‘Guidos’…Tomorrow night on MTV, ‘Jersey Shore… allow me to quote from the Foxtel website…
Beach by day, dancing and partying all night. Eight self proclaimed ‘guidos’ live, work, and rage together until the summer ends at a beach house in Seaside Heights, New Jersey. There’s no spray tan too orange, no hair too spiked, and no bod too tight for this crew.
No social anthropologist should miss this look at the US bogue in it’s natural habitat… if only to spot what Aus bogues will doing in a month’s time. You have been warned!

29 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. No, the “guido” is more akin to the Australian “wog”. Whilst they cross over in part (their mutual love for Ed Hardy being the most obvious), they are properly a separate sub-species.

PS – watch for Snookie getting punched in the face: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe7V85lA-bI

29 03 2010
Chairman Miaow

Dear God, it is actually called Snookie. Oh so many reasons it must have deserved a clock in the chops, oh so little time to enjoy.

Hmm, I see your point, sort of a Wogan version, but still, the bloke who let fly looked oh so bogan. Bogans beating Wogans; we can only dream…

29 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. No, the gentlemen who performed a percussive readjustment of Snookie’s face was himself a guido. The Jersey Shore is a guido eat guido world.

He WAS also a high school Phys Ed teacher – until his “fame” caught up with him. He’s since been fired.

30 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

Is this the woman from the TV ad who introduces herself as Zshezshya Dudgm? Is she Australian?

30 03 2010
Chairman Miaow

Nah, based on the You Tube clip Fiona supplied, she’s definitely American (although there’s some web discussion as to whether she or another guidess is actually South American, don’t recall who right now).

Either way, nothing to do with Aus; it appears to be like Big Brother except dumber (yup).

1 04 2010
Sibyl Ince

No, I mean that woman in the picture up there ^.

I’m led to believe (by reading this blog) that she’s Australian. Do all Australians speak as if they’ve had their tongue cut out?

15 06 2010
#148 – Wii Fit « Things Bogans Like

[…] in combination account for 40% of the Australian economy, the Wii Fit. By the time the bogan saw Delta Goodrem and Olivia Newton John spruiking this marvellous new way of losing weight and getting smart without […]

10 12 2010
Victoria

I always wondered how Delta got those really long wavy blonde locks that she sported in the Sunsilk commercials. She lost all her hair due to the treatment for her illness and there is no way it could have grown back to that length in so short a time. Hair extensions perhaps?

10 12 2010
AlyssaKT

Yes… Most “celebrities” with long hair have them…

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