The bogan, cultural dilettante that it is, loves nothing more than a brief, fleeting exposure to things that will confer ‘class’ onto it. Not being a racist, the bogan also enjoys noisily promoting its acceptance of other races and creeds. As such, the bogan will strive to prove how inclusive it is by paying money to watch an ancient and noble foreign culture whore itself out for its own entertainment.
But there is no noble foreign culture that carries the kind of bogan cachet that Shaolin Warrior Monks do. This offshoot of a religious group that was forced – mainly through abject poverty – to begin international performances combines a veritable smorgasbord of bogan thrills in one night of cultural enrichment. Outside of a telethon, it is normally hard to convince the bogan to partake in a philanthropic act. However, if the poor people in question are engaging in some kind of demeaning entertainment, then the bogan cannot open its wallet fast enough. Ordinarily, the bogan would do its utmost to avoid engaging poor people in any way, but Shaolin Warrior Monks are different.
The male bogan can tell his pals that he’s going to see kung fu. The female bogan can tell her friends she’s going to see dancers. Both bogans will arrive, and within twenty minutes, furiously grip one another by the elbow and hiss, “LOOK, HE’S PICKING UP THAT TABLE WITH HIS TEETH! HOLY SHIT! THAT’S X-TREME!”
Throughout the course of the evening, for which the bogans forked out $50 each for a seat at an ornate venue boasting gargoyles, the Shaolin Warrior Monks will entertain the massed empathetic hordes with an array of culturally significant performances aimed at improving international underst-”HOLY FUCKING FUCK HE’S LYING ON THOSE SWORD POINTS! THAT’S X-TREME!” -anding and cooperation. The female bogan will also be able to comment on how cute the (now lacking an education) younger warriors are.
After exiting this two-hour extravaganza of cross-cultural enlightenment, the bogans drive home. Sitting on the freeway, the bogan finds itself behind a driver travelling three km/h below the speed limit in the left lane. Cursing, the driving male bogan deftly and not recklessly at all swings into the next lane and easily overtakes the offending impediment. Glancing over, he sees the slanty-eyed driver. With a grin, he mutters, ‘Knew it.”