#113 – Shaolin Warrior Monks

25 03 2010

The bogan, cultural dilettante that it is, loves nothing more than a brief, fleeting exposure to things that will confer ‘class’ onto it. Not being a racist, the bogan also enjoys noisily promoting its acceptance of other races and creeds. As such, the bogan will strive to prove how inclusive it is by paying money to watch an ancient and noble foreign culture whore itself out for its own entertainment.

But there is no noble foreign culture that carries the kind of bogan cachet that Shaolin Warrior Monks do. This offshoot of a religious group that was forced – mainly through abject poverty – to begin international performances combines a veritable smorgasbord of bogan thrills in one night of cultural enrichment. Outside of a telethon, it is normally hard to convince the bogan to partake in a philanthropic act. However, if the poor people in question are engaging in some kind of demeaning entertainment, then the bogan cannot open its wallet fast enough. Ordinarily, the bogan would do its utmost to avoid engaging poor people in any way, but Shaolin Warrior Monks are different.

The male bogan can tell his pals that he’s going to see kung fu. The female bogan can tell her friends she’s going to see dancers. Both bogans will arrive, and within twenty minutes, furiously grip one another by the elbow and hiss, “LOOK, HE’S PICKING UP THAT TABLE WITH HIS TEETH! HOLY SHIT! THAT’S X-TREME!”

Throughout the course of the evening, for which the bogans forked out $50 each for a seat at an ornate venue boasting gargoyles, the Shaolin Warrior Monks will entertain the massed empathetic hordes with an array of culturally significant performances aimed at improving international underst-”HOLY FUCKING FUCK HE’S LYING ON THOSE SWORD POINTS! THAT’S X-TREME!” -anding and cooperation. The female bogan will also be able to comment on how cute the (now lacking an education) younger warriors are.

After exiting this two-hour extravaganza of cross-cultural enlightenment, the bogans drive home. Sitting on the freeway, the bogan finds itself behind a driver travelling three km/h below the speed limit in the left lane. Cursing, the driving male bogan deftly and not recklessly at all swings into the next lane and easily overtakes the offending impediment. Glancing over, he sees the slanty-eyed driver. With a grin, he mutters, ‘Knew it.”


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232 responses

25 03 2010
Steve

This is the first entry on this blog that I am guilty of. Wow, turns out I AM a bogan after all. *walks solemnly into a fading sunset*

25 03 2010
Kate

Does it count if you were aware of their struggles and political motivation prior to becoming a fan? Or else i’m also a bogan

25 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I believe this is accurately captured in the “bogan is as bogan does” catchphrase.

25 03 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
because bogans are renouned for their intelligenmce and capacity for original thought you do not perhaps think “bogan does as bogan does” would work better?

25 03 2010
Mezz

It’s more about how and what motivates you to like something.

25 03 2010
Clappamungus

Yes, me too. *joins you in the walk of shame*

25 03 2010
Benjamin

As has been pointed out before, this is things bogans like, not things only bogans like. So don’t worry!

You can like some things that bogans like. More than a couple and then you need to wonder.

Unless you are Fiona, who of course is above all of this and anything she likes is by definition not bogan.

25 03 2010
Clappamungus

True. I don’t glass cunts. Yet. 😉

25 03 2010
Jo

the only thing I’ve liked in this blog is the Mia Paper Planes song…so my slate is pretty clean so far

25 03 2010
AlyssaKT

I have a lot and have had a lot of bogan friends, and I have most-certainly done some bogan things, but of the list, I am only guilty of enjoying Underbelly (but not thinking it was like glamourous and cool and stuff to be a like criminal and that), and some reality TV… like Survivor… and The Bachelor :/.
I do know it’s mindless dribble but I like it! haha.
Unless idolised/emulated, surely these don’t make a bogan?

Watching too much TV on the other hand…

(on a 68cm TV with a cathode ray tube, bought last year!)

25 03 2010
Antosha

ALAS !!

Regarding the items on this blog, I am guilty of liking Thailand. But I go out of tourist season and stay in places off the bogan trail.

25 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Yeah, it’s bogan if you only speak to other Australians/tourists, stick to the westernised tourist traps and eat McDonald’s whilst travelling overseas to avoid the local fare.

25 03 2010
Tubesteak

I, too, saw them 10 years ago.

I was impressed by their athletic abilities. And their ability to throw a needle through a pane of glass.

Alas I am not entirely perfect.

However, considering they are monks, aren’t they sort of meant to live “poor” ie not have many possessions so they can devote their time in solemn worship and training?

25 03 2010
Shirley M

I don’t think they all go and buy ipods with their earnings.

25 03 2010
Tubesteak

Which kind of makes the assertion that they needed to whore out their culture for financial gain rather tenuous.

Maybe there were other reasons

25 03 2010
Jo

maybe they need the money for the secret war their planning to wage on china…just a thought

25 03 2010
Shirley M

I think the Shaolin Monks run a few orphanages and the like and I daresay a large portion of the earnings are used to fund them.

25 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

things such as temple maintenance
and, like,

food

come to mind.

25 03 2010
Tubesteak

If that’s the case then how did they survive all those years without the show?

25 03 2010
Benjamin

Barely would be my guess.

25 03 2010
caracal1788

Can’t speak for the Shaolin Warrior Monks as I’d never heard of them, but while I definitely enjoy the cultural diversity of my local Chinese/Korean/Vietnamese high-population area, I would have to agree that the driving issue is true. But I’m not racist, I swear as violently at old Caucasian men in hats 🙂

26 03 2010
AlyssaKT

The hats can either be on the head or on the rear windscreen ledge. Bonus points for a box of tissues in a crocheted cover also visible.
*Driving Volvos.
(Not bogan, just another annoying breed of driver.)

25 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

It’s because of shows like this that the bogan enrols it’s loinfruit in martial arts classes, making the next bogan generation an even more dangerous breed. As if genetic aggression isn’t bad enough we now have genetic aggression coupled with 4 months worth of violence training. (Said loinfruit has to give up classes after 4 months due to issues involving attention span and availability of funds)

25 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. And the realisation of the ongoing time commitment parent-la-bogue has unwittingly signed up for…

25 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

Particularly if the class times coincide with ‘Deal or No Deal’.

25 03 2010
Sten

Yeah… typically it starts with Karate or Taekwondo, then after the brats have seen a few Jackie Chan (or Bruce Lee if the parents are old-school), they migrate to Kung Fu. Eventually this also proves to be insufficiently exxxtreme for the larval Bogan. There can be only one solution: Kickboxing. Somewhere along the line (usually not long after reaching legal drinking age) the newly-minted oxygen thief learns about MMA and then it’s all over. Thw fat fem-Bogue has sung, now let the glassing commence.

25 03 2010
Jo

bogans dont know who Bruce Lee is

25 03 2010
Shirley M

Of course they do! He’s Xtreme to the Maxxxx.

Thanks to those terrible films with Owen Wilson, they also know who Jackie Chan is. But I bet they’ve never seen Shaolin Wooden Men’.

Although, after going to see the Shaolin Warrior Monks, I bet the femme-bogue will pick up a Shaolin Wooden Men ‘sculpture’ at Homeart.

25 03 2010
Jo

I’m sure they know who Jackie Chan is, but I bet if you challenged a bogan to name a Bruce Lee movie an awkward silence would follow

25 03 2010
Shirley M

They know he’s the one inch punch guy. That’s all that matters.

25 03 2010
Tubesteak

Enter The Dragon is part of bogan folklore

25 03 2010
Jo

I’m still unconvinced, old school bogans maybe, but not Bogues

25 03 2010
Mezz

I recall a scene in Fist of Fury where Bruce Lee actually glasses someone!

25 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Did he glass Tha Kah Nt?

25 03 2010
Benjamin

Heheh

25 03 2010
The Boganator

Tha Kah Nt… classic

26 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Thank you. It appears to be over the head of everyone else – I don’t know why I’m surprised really.

25 03 2010
Benny Hill

I concur that Bruce Lee is part of bogan folklore therefore you are correct.

Cheech and Chong, well that’s another story….

25 03 2010
A-Bomb

Whenever I think of “bogan” and “martial arts” in the same context I think Rex-Kwon-Do, from Napoleon Dynamite.
It’s suitably extreme, with the flashy outfit, and would be perfectly suited for those with no attention span. It’s also run by an insecure bully, which is how I imagine many bogans are when put in positions of authority.

25 03 2010
Shirley M

Ha!

25 03 2010
James Hunter

Sten,
Cage fighting for kindies is the only way to go. loads of fun and decreases the bogan count as well

25 03 2010
Sten

As long as they can use chainsaws and the like, James.

Or flamethrowers.

25 03 2010
James Hunter

Sten
Only rule is there are no rules.
Some of the neckless monsters already produce large volumes of poisonous gas

25 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

Bravo Sir!
Champagne Comedy.

laughed OL

26 03 2010
Sam

2 bogans enter, 1 bogan leaves!
2 bogans enter, 1 bogan leaves!
2 bogans enter, 1 bogan leaves!

25 03 2010
The Boganator

Kickboxing. Now that is some serious boganity

25 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

*Blushes to the roots at her grocer’s apostrophe*

For shame, for shame.

25 03 2010
Nelson Esq

Personally, I would have thought that seeing the Shoalin Warrior Monks would be a little to high-brow or cultural for the average bogue. Cirque de Soleil would have been more their style at being real sophistication and that!

However, if true, I did wonder whether Hall’s Twaekwondo experiences a growth in enrollments after the Monks hit town.

25 03 2010
The Boganator

Cirque de soleil is totally bogan. Another great observation.

25 03 2010
Andrew

Don’t get too worried… Glassing cunts is far easier than actually learning a martial art.

The time commitment alone turns most bogans off fairly quickly. Coupled with the fact that most martial arts have a “philosophy and shit” most bogans don’t have the patience to follow through with the years of training required to actually become good at the chosen martial art.

I have spent many years learning Taekwondo and watching bogans come and go. The average bogan never made it to the second lesson. The really exceptional bogans actually made it to yellow belt (one up from white) before they realised they were not Bruce Lee and that anyone of the black belts could put them back into the place without trying and thus left Taekwondo to resume glassing cunts as their preferred martial art.

25 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

bravo.
taking on an observedly inferior and unarmed opponent with an edged weapon (most likely from behind) is much more bogue style.

I do imagine they would have the patience and dedicaton to master the MMA video game on the other hand…

25 03 2010
Mezz

The Western (suburbs) Art of Glasswonkunt

25 03 2010
Jerry

Nice one. Would the contents or shape of the glass indicate their rank in the club?

25 03 2010
Benjamin

Is that related to Eckythump at all?

26 03 2010
Tombarina

Now you’re being silly. I doubt Ed Hardy makes outlandishly outsized flat-caps.

25 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. “Glancing over, he sees that the slanty-eyed driver”. Remove the “that” or add something about said slanty-eyed driver.

Noted, and amended. Continue your invaluable civic service, Fiona. TBL

More importantly, however… how is the bogan to react to this scenario?

In the usual manner of wishing he could glass the c*nt at the next set of red lights?

Or has his nature been subdued by the Shaolin spectacle? Perhaps cowed rather than subdued is the right word…

25 03 2010
loftie

See “Road Rage”

25 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. “Road Rage” covers the contingency of the bogan coming into contact with drivers of the Asian variety AFTER he’s seen the Shaolin Monks?

Come on loftie, you’ll need to lift your game if you want to catch my eye.

25 03 2010
loftie

Yes I suppose, it was a bit of a ‘general’ response… certainly not the class of response that I generally give to your comments…

First coffee of the morning is kicking in, i’ll be sure to dig deep and find my “A” material… 😉

Yours Always
Loftie

25 03 2010
pinky has a brain

Get a room you two!!! LOL

25 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. He wishes!

25 03 2010
pinky has a brain

I think you do too Fi!! LOL Love your work Loftie and Fi, you guys crack me up!!

25 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Ugh! I feel ill.

25 03 2010
Benjamin

I think Mr Hunter is up for a threesome.

25 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I hope he’s got two hands then.

25 03 2010
James Hunter

Loftie, if you wish to catch Fi’s eye I could maybe offer some guidence?

25 03 2010
James

I believe that Loftie is attempting to make a positive impression James.

25 03 2010
James Hunter

In that case I opologise.I had no idea.

25 03 2010
James

The intention was pure, James. You truly are a king amongst men…

25 03 2010
Shirley M

Once the bogan has left the “ornate venue boasting gargoyles”, made it’s way to the carpark, found its car, paid an ‘outrageous’ fee for the parking, stopped into the ‘servo’ for a can of Mother and then made its way onto the freeway which will lead it back to the outer suburbs, the Shaolin Monks will be but a distant memory.

To quote loftie… see ‘Road Rage’.

25 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Ah, so temporal distance from the spectacle is key here. I accept your point.

25 03 2010
Benjamin

The bogan, who now of course has a complete understanding of southeast Asian culture, will now be afraid that the occupant of the car can kick seven colours of shit out of them.

So they will restrict themselves to a sneer or a muted “farkin slopes”.

25 03 2010
Shirley M

Nah. The ‘nip’ in the car flew here to take a job that could otherwise belong to someone who grew here.

Besides… he’s not bald and wearing orange robes.

25 03 2010
Simon of South Yarra

I’m not racist but …. those Asians can’t (fill in stereotype here). The faux appreciation of the warrior monks is beautifully succincted here.

The martial arts, in fact, most violence , whether stylised as in World Wrestling Federation, Jackie Chan movies, or amateur as in Oakleigh riots or disco-glassing, appeals to the bogan who, of course, also needs to get huge to adequate display his talents as a thug.

25 03 2010
Brimstone

What’s wrong with kung-fu?

25 03 2010
Shirley M

Absolutely nothing. I myself have trained in kung fu and can do nothing but sing its praises.

25 03 2010
Benjamin

I believe the problem is bogans doing kung fu, not kung fu itself per se.

Like there is probably intrinsically nothing wrong with a gun, but there is once a bogan picks one up and takes the safety off.

Good grief – I seem to be making the argument that all must surrender all kung fu robes and equipment for the sake of public safety. That would make for an amusing buy back scheme.

25 03 2010
Shirley M

Bogans don’t do Kung Fu. They last 3 classes tops.

25 03 2010
vivisection

Until they here about the discipline aspect, or realise that they have have to actually exercise self discipline.

25 03 2010
vivisection

“hear”

25 03 2010
Shirley M

Exactly. One must be humble to train in Kung Fu, and if you can find me a humble bogan, I’ll… well, it doesn’t matter really, because you won’t.

25 03 2010
Mezz

Any who have tried and stuck with it up until the point where the philosophical aspect kicked in (pun intended) would make such horrible self realisations that they would go and suicide..hopefully.

25 03 2010
Shirley M

Philosophy, strength and discipline are introduced immediately. Combat comes later. Once the bogan realises that it could be years before they are allowed anywhere near the weapons rack, all their enthusiasm is lost.

25 03 2010
JimC

Apparently the Shaolin Monks are modifying their act for their next tour of Australia.

They’ll now be wowing local crowds by withstanding a mass synchronised glassing.

25 03 2010
vivisection

Will it be bought to you by Max Markson?

25 03 2010
JimC

Certainly. Although by then he’ll take on the influence of the mighty ‘Siimon Reynolds’ and become ‘Maxx Marxxson’.

And actual bogans will be asked to come up on-stage and glass the monks in their own expert way.

Many gasps and exclamations of “Fark off, cunt…” shall be heard.

25 03 2010
Mezz

Mass synchronised glassing of the bogan audience I hope?

25 03 2010
Antosha

ALAS !!!

Special guest appearance by Fev?

25 03 2010
Peter of Kensington

“to watch an ancient and noble foreign culture whore itself out”

Pfft. Privileged westerners and their double standards.

25 03 2010
Benjamin

Perhaps TBL are arguing that we westerners don’t have an “ancient and noble culture”, and that whoring ourselves out isn’t as big a stretch.

Though I don’t speak for TBL, or even myself most of the time.

25 03 2010
Linda

How is this bogan at all?

25 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You need to read more than the heading for the explanation.

25 03 2010
Shirley M

Did you read the article Linda, or just the title?

25 03 2010
devil's advocate

I tend to agree. Although I realise it’s poor form to turn up on someone’s blog and not blindly accept everything at face value, I can’t help but question this.
Just about everything in society can have one or more bogan aspects to it if you really search, and this reeks of searching. One bogan swallow does not a summer make.
Everything up ’til now has been fairly spot on but I think I am calling this “wide”.

25 03 2010
Shirley M

‘Things Bogans Like’.

NOT ‘Things ONLY Bogans Like’.

It really does surprise and annoy me how many people fail to detect this subtle yet core difference.

25 03 2010
Benjamin

Bogans like this, so it belongs here.

It’s not that the activity itself is necessarily bogan.

You are allowed to like things that bogans like. It’s your motivation that would make you a bogan.

25 03 2010
A-Bomb

Maybe the blog needs to be changed to “TBL (and why they like them)” just to make sure. However dumbing it down that much is very bogan.

25 03 2010
devil's advocate

Most people can understand that just because bogans like X, liking X will not render one a bogan.

However, this argument that “so long as bogans like it it’s bogan” is a bit circular. I mean, bogans like breathing, does breathing now become bogan? It’s a basic failure of logic to suggest this.

I am a bit concerned that when someone has the audacity to suggest that out of the 110 odd posts, that one of them is off the mark, they are branded as not understanding the premise of the site.

If we start branding EVERYTHING bogan, it loses all meaning. I’m posting out of concern to promulgate the teachings of TBL and not dilure them, not to be a troll.

25 03 2010
Shirley M

TBL do not pose the argument ‘so long as bogans like it, it’s bogan’. If you believe that they do, then I believe that you misunderstand the premise.

Yes, bogans like breathing, but there is no logic that can be applied to explain why bogans like breathing which can be differentiated from the logic used to explain why everyone likes breathing. Thus, the logic used in determining ‘Things Bogans Like’, is not at all circular, but reverse.

25 03 2010
Jo

its more the detail that TBL goes into about WHY the bogan likes the daily topic that’s important…people are getting too hung up on the title rather than the details.

25 03 2010
devil's advocate

Well, one response above stated “Bogans like this, so it belongs here.”

The fact of bogans liking it is a neccessary but not sufficient condition.

As you point out, it’s the reasons why bogans like something that makes it bogan.

While attempting to appeared cultured (and failing miserably) is, indeed, a bogan pursuit, and is manifested in many of the other blogs and argued quite convincingly, this justification seems out of place in this posting.

Also it’s not clear that bogans actually like it in sufficient numbers.

This is my third post on this issue now, so it would appear I’m being negative, but in reality it’s only because the standard of every single other post was so high and the accuracy of the argument so great. When you are fed a constant diet of caviar, as we are on TBL, a single item of atlantic salmon seems to spoil the banquet.

We’re not yet sure of what tomorrow’s post will be, but we hope that it will be to your satisfaction. TBL

25 03 2010
Benjamin

Fair points, sir.

25 03 2010
Shirley M

It’s still caviar. Perhaps you haven’t acquired the taste for this variety.

25 03 2010
Mezz

If only bogans didn’t like breathing!

25 03 2010
BlindSquirrel

I’m expecting a Cirque du Soleil entry next time they’re in town…

25 03 2010
devil's advocate

Cirque du soleil is emos and art students, not bogans.

Although pronouncing the second “L” in soleil (as on that lotto ad) is indeed bogan.

25 03 2010
Brimstone

I know heaps of art students and a few emos (two different groups). they’re both way too cool for Cirque du soleil

it needs an entry

25 03 2010
devil's advocate

That should have read “arts” students, not art students.

Also emos and arts students are two separate groups, but there is a very high degree of overlap.

25 03 2010
Jo

As far as knowledge of sub-cultures go you, devil’s advocate have no idea! sorry I don’t mean to be rude…but you really don’t

25 03 2010
vivisection

Apply the bogan litmus test. Have they performed on Sunrise? If so, it’s bogan.

25 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

I (accidentally) saw the tokyo shock boys on kerrie anne…

25 03 2010
Mezz

What in the hell were you doing watching Kerry Anne? Tell me that was an accident also?

25 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

that was the accident. (KA)
I flicked the telly on and there they (and she) were.

the real mystery is how the hell my telly (a modest 86cm crt alyssa) was on nine in the first place.

perhaps a bogan poltergeist?

25 03 2010
AlyssaKT

They’re heavy, aren’t they?! I might buy one of those fancy flat TV thingos one day… Apparently Hardly Normal are offering some interest free deal – I might check it out (har har)

25 03 2010
James Hunter

Linda Do not worry about Fiona and Shirl,
Lets face it if we had to understand the article before we commented then our comments may make sense and thus spoil all the fun , if you get the disambiguity?

25 03 2010
Rob

This is the first entry in this (otherwise very spot-on) blog that made me go “really?”

Surely there are other more bogan things to cover at this point…?
Seems like a bit of reach tthis one…..hmmm.

Dont stop being awesome now !

25 03 2010
Will S

After the depressingly real ADHD article we need something lighter, lol

25 03 2010
Jo

I was unaware a show like this was on offer…I guess I didn’t expect monks to get on a plane to fly to another country to perform for cash…just doesn’t seem monk-ish behaviour to me

25 03 2010
James Hunter

Jo,
They have been taking lessons from the Tokyo Shock Boys

25 03 2010
Robbie

to quote the great Fiona….”LOL”

25 03 2010
A-Bomb

If we’re going to mention X-treme Asian culture catering to the bogan masses, what about suburban teppanyaki restaurants? The kind where they throw food at you straight off the hot-plate.
I went to one a few months ago and it seemed like the chef cooked the food, then took great joy at throwing food to the “white monkey” bogans (me included unfortunately), who would try and catch it in their mouths, just like at the zoo.

I was also reliably informed by a Japanophile colleague that Japanese have much more respect for food than to throw it around.

25 03 2010
vivisection

Spot on – I am still astounded that people think the Japanese would behave in this manner. I’ve traveled around Japan on two occasions and didn’t see anything like this. Or schoolgirls knickers in a vending machine…

25 03 2010
Sammie

There’s definitely knickers in vending machines in Osaka…

25 03 2010
Antosha

Agreed. I spent 2 weeks travelling around Japan with a colleague, staying in some quite remote villages, towns and the bigger cities like Tokyo. I never once saw a vending machine with knickers… and we saw a lot of vending machines.

Silly urban myths.

btw… best Katsu ever !!!!

25 03 2010
Sammie

I lived there for 3 years. Trust me, in the ‘red light’ districts, there are knicker vending machines… but no restaurants throwing food into people’s mouths… not one that I came across anyway

25 03 2010
devil's advocate

Mcdonald’s style, frozen and thawed sushi/sashimi with reconstituted wasabi paste also sizzle bento is bogan.

25 03 2010
pinky has a brain

**Spew** Don’t…I can’t eat dinner now…:(

25 03 2010
berihebi

From wikipedia: “While most monks tend to be focused on performance geared toward the touring troupes, a smaller cadre of Shaolin warrior monks seek the traditional route that focuses somewhat more on self-defense and authenticity of techniques.”

Sounds to me like these touring monks might be Shaolin bogans.

25 03 2010
AlyssaKT

You just made me laugh at my desk. Don’t do it again, they’ll know I’m not working! 😉
Excellent call, Shaolin Bogans… haha!

25 03 2010
Antosha

LOL !!! Brilliant!

26 03 2010
Tombarina

Shoguns?

25 03 2010
Going bogue

I’d prefer it if the blog was changed to “Things Bogans Almost Exclusively Like”. To me, this is something that a few “progressive bogans” would like and something hoardes of bogans are due to like in 2013.

25 03 2010
pinky has a brain

I think TBL should be left as TBL. The title is self explanatory, It’s not TBL’s fault that people get confused between “What Bogan’s LIKE” and “Being a Bogan” This is one of the best satire sites on the intra-web thingy.

TBL sounds better than something like TBLBANBE. TBL

25 03 2010
James Hunter

wonder if TBL ment “TBL Bambi”

25 03 2010
Antosha

Things Bogans Like But Are Not Bogan Exclusive?

ALAS… I have never been so good at such brain twisters…

25 03 2010
Paul

“ordinarily, the bogan would do its utmost to avoid engaging poor people in any way…” – but bogans ARE poor people. Some may work on WA mines and get paid a decent wage, but they will do it for 3 years before going back to a 60K mechanic job. They live in povvo suburbs, drive povvo cars, enjoy povvo pursuits, come from povvo families are mates with povvos or similar bogans to themselves. I wouldn’t call bogans middle class or wealthy, so what’s left?

25 03 2010
Will S

Fail

25 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Correct, that IS what’s left: fail!

25 03 2010
Robbie

don’t you think the “povvo” comments are a little elitist and judgemental, boarding on bogan behaviour??
I thought the premise of the TBL blog was to highlight that to be a bogan was more a state of mind, or lack there of 😛

25 03 2010
Dean

it’s ‘bordering on’ 😉

25 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

“Povvo”, Precious?

Ploise exploin.

25 03 2010
Tubesteak

Pov or Povvo = poverty or poor person

25 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

Thank you. Here was I thinking Hungarian sausage, but then I often do.

25 03 2010
Benjamin

I did laugh out loud. Thank you.

25 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You can just say LOL.

25 03 2010
Benjamin

Isn’t that a bit…

Bogan?

25 03 2010
Mezz

Completely bogan.. And it’s been somewhat amusing for that very reason every time there’s a new post from said bogan.

25 03 2010
pinky has a brain

Cashed Up Bogans!! They are bogans with money. and the bogan dollar can pay for whatever their little bogan hearts desire. I think you’re totally missing the point of TBL.

25 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Poor does not = bogan.

You can consider yourself “wealthy” and be a bogan.

Read more of the blogs.

25 03 2010
devil's advocate

Disagree on the wealthy point.

Wealth implies that someone has retained some portion of their income in savings (bogans don’t generally leave anything in their will so this assumption is sound in this case).

That is, some of the income is saved, neccessarily requiring that current consumption is below what it otherwise could be. It requires foresight and financial discipline.

A defining hallmark of the bogan, especially when it becomes “cashed up”, is to p–s this wealth up against a wall on disposable consumer goods such as cars, utes, plasma tvs. Alternatively, they can turn what is normally a sound investment in durable goods (eg a house) into a bad financial idea by purchasing an overpriced mcmansion.

Therefore, although bogans often have high incomes, I have met few that I would consider wealthy.

25 03 2010
James

What about those who acquire wealth through inheritance? The few I have known in the past are the worse bogans of all, because there is no financial limit to their pissing of wealth up against the wall.

25 03 2010
James

Although I am also certain that Fiona pisses her inheritance up against a far classier wall than those of which I write.

25 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Also, I prefer the term “micturate”.

25 03 2010
devil's advocate

I excluded beneficiaries of wills by assumption above on the basis that bogans don’t generally leave anything in their will. I think this assumption is credible, as leaving something in your will is generally an unselfish and generous act, and the ability to think of something other than the gratification of one’s own, immediate needs seems largely beyond the grasp of many a bogan.

I guess the exceptions would be a bogan with so much financial wealth they were physically incapable of consuming it all themselves – Murdock, Packer etc. But those exceptions are too few to worry about, IMO.

25 03 2010
James

While that is a credible assumption, it is also predicated on the assumption that boganity is hereditary or learned from one’s parents, which is not necessarily the case. As we like to say on this site, bogan is as bogan does. Many bogan’s children rise above their bogan heritage, and many of non-bogan heritage fall into the bogan sphere of influence.

25 03 2010
devil's advocate

“many of non-bogan heritage fall into the bogan sphere of influence”

Ooh, now you have piqued my interest. Please do elaborate.

(I know plenty of non-bogues who have risen above bogan stock, but can’t think of examples of the other way around).

Also, today I saw (in the news, not live or anything) a music artist which, in much the same way as P!nk has replaced an i with an !, has replaced an s with an $.

It’s one thing to deliberately misspell your kids’ names, but inserting symbols would take it to another level completely.

25 03 2010
James

My father teaches at a grammar school, and as a result I have met the offspring of many rich families. About one-fifth of them try so hard to be “common”, that they end up driving HSVs, glassing c*nts, reading Zoo, and all sorts of other very bogan activities. Don’t know what happens as they get older, but some certainly spend a good chunk of their lives in the bogan sphere of influence.

On the second part of your post – the day a name is officially registered containing a symbol is the beginning of the end.

25 03 2010
devil's advocate

Hrm. So these kids are adopting a boganic lifestyle as the ultimate form of rebellion. Like trustafarians, except instead of loafing about in arts degrees in uni, they are bogue-ing it up with a functionally limitless supply of cash.

If I had kids and they tried that s–t I would totally cut them off.

11 04 2010
Mick

Very true. I am a bogan who works in the mines and was having this same discussion just the other day.

One of my workmates asked me how much I had saved in our time there. When I told him the figure he was shocked. He then proceeded to tell me that in the eighteen months that we had been earning a damn good wage that he had managed to save $600.

A very common story in the mines.

11 04 2010
Tombarina

Agree, Mick. My brother has worked on rigs offshore and overseas for years. You name a shite, wouldn’t-want-to-go-there-with-a-gun-to-your-head locale, and he’s worked there…and has made very good money.

He now owns three properties, part-owns two overseas businesses, and has a lengthy list of investments.

He’s focused on making his money work for him because he doesn’t want to wind up like one of the many burnt-out poor buggers with only a couple of divorces, a tribe of estranged kids, a massive tax bill and a Harley to show for it. There’s plenty of them around.

25 03 2010
Brian

I’d be wrapped if I was paid 60k a year, what does that make me? Am I too povvo to be a bogan?

25 03 2010
devil's advocate

The actual figure is not that important. A whole generation of university students can surely not be condemned as bogans due to their low incomes. It’s what you do with it that counts.

Think of it this way – if you DID earn $150k in the mines, would you loudly and proudly proclaim your wage figure to anyone that would listen?

25 03 2010
Dean

it’s ‘rapt’ *sigh*

25 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Wrapped in what, exactly?
Rapt* I believe 🙂

Your level of bogan is not determined by how much you earn.

25 03 2010
Brian

Wrapped in Ed Hardy of corse

29 03 2010
Gorey

Zing! Nice one!

25 03 2010
Mezz

As someone pointed out the other day, James Packer tends to fall into the bogan category in a few areas. Boganity does not have monetary bounaries any more. Read the “What is a Bogan Today” post Paul.

25 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

From the burning bush:
“22 Dec 2009 … We do not ascribe various aspects of boganism to race, religion, income, class or career. Bogan is as bogan does. – TBL …”

25 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

aww… c’mon!
that Burning Bush line is GOLD!

25 03 2010
Paul

Come on, cashed up bogans, on what $160K per year now in the Pilbara? Please, that may allow them to buy their desired football or HSV paraphernalia, but doesn’t make them wealthy.

Not sure how one can be an elitist yet “bordering on” being a bogan at the same time?! Boganity (for want of a precise term) is informed by the lower classes. Sure, the likes of Packer may indulge in some bogan pursuits, one’s actions can be influenced by their environment. Bogans originated in poor areas and it’s only recently that some of them have been able to make a decent living from exploiting a skilled (and unskilled) labour shortage.

In any case I’ve had enough of them and am heading o/s permanently in less than three months. Won’t miss Australia – the land of such great potential which it perpetually fails to fulfil.

25 03 2010
Shirley M

$160k hardly makes them ‘povvo’, either.

25 03 2010
James

And from the sounds of it, the place will be better off for your leaving, sir.

25 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Yes, but what about if he heads off to live in one of my many holiday destinations?

25 03 2010
James

Surely they are luxurious enough for you to minimise your contact with other humans?

25 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I prefer to consider my security detail a necessity, not a luxury.

25 03 2010
James Hunter

Dont worry Fiona,
I will look after you.

25 03 2010
Paul

Don’t worry, folks. I will be country-hopping every two to three months so if you are fortunate enough to make my acquaintance, sadly it will not be for long. 🙂

25 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. *shudder*

25 03 2010
Antosha

Chef: fair enough
Driver: believable

But security detail ??

Come on Fifi… are you telling tales ???

25 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Of course not – you’ve seen what loftie, James, James Hunter and common man are like. I HAVE to protect myself.

27 03 2010
Tombarina

Where IS common man? How I miss his ill-considered, poorly-punctuated mini-explosions of outrage.

27 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Oh! How could I have forgotten him so quickly? Shame… har har
I’m sure he is still here, under another name…

25 03 2010
pinky has a brain

you really don’t get it. Why don’t you go back and read all the articles. Then see if you can make sense of it.

25 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

is this that troll thing?

I am so bad at this.

want me to call him names again?

26 03 2010
Pinky has a brain

Yes chubby, could you please? You’re a darling

26 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

Bon Voyage!
goose.

25 03 2010
Toddo

Paul, I bet you wear your sunglasses on head once inside a building.

25 03 2010
Paul

no. however it can encourage them to launch into too much debt as discussed elsewhere in this blog, for jet-skis, utes, home theatres and the like! Many were hurt when the financial crisis hit and they lost their jobs in the Pilbara – and of course I don’t take pleasure from that, but it remains the fact.

25 03 2010
Paul

I don’t understand the comment. To answer it: never, in fact.

25 03 2010
Dean

hmmm, of the positions sunglasses can be placed when not in use I consider this method to be one of the least bogue. Here is a running order for you to consider:
1. Directly above the eyebrows on the forehead
2. On the back of the neck
3. On the front of the neck
4. On baseball cap/head
5. Arms folded and placed in shirt
numbers 1-3 require sunglasses with tight arms and are unsuitable for those goddamn Wayfarers

25 03 2010
David Heslin

Even ‘cashed up bogans’ are generally ‘bogans’ because of their family backgrounds. Let’s face it, the humour on this site follows an essentially elitist bent.

Whilst it is true that a certain proportion of bogans enjoy a comparative state of wealth because of Australia’s affluence, their status as ‘bogans’ is still irrevocably linked to class, environment of upbringing, wealth and standard of education. I suspect that you would find a strong link between economic status and consumption of media such as ACA/TT/Herald Sun, just as hallmark bogan events such as Summernats are a primarily lower/new-middle class drawcard. I haven’t seen Cate Blanchett in the pub ‘glassing cunts’.

Mockery of social groups is always going to be founded on stereotyping and elitism. Nevertheless, a lot of humour (particularly of the observational variety) couldn’t exist without it. TBL, keep up the good work, but don’t try to delude yourselves over what you are.

Cate Blanchett isn’t a bogan, she’s paired her talent with hard work, restraint, and sustained success. Like Blanchett, Shane Warne also went to a private school in Melbourne’s southern suburbs, and has also been a success. However, he’s an poker playing adulturous hedonist with blonde tips, a diamond earring, and two Lamborghinis. This example suggests that it’s not a privileged upbringing or the presence of millions of dollars that prevents one from being a bogan, it’s a state of mind. As you point out, there may be correlations between various behaviours and demographics, but boganity can pop up anywhere. TBL

25 03 2010
Dean

may parents are very bogan and i’m an inner-city creative-industry twit.

25 03 2010
AlyssaKT

perhaps your parents are the old school bogans and you are the new age bogan we discuss?

25 03 2010
Dean

nah…although I have considered that idea. Sometimes I wish I was, they seem to be having the time of their lives, glassing c*nts and so forth.

25 03 2010
AlyssaKT

It does look fun, doesn’t it? I would glass Tracey Grimforsure for sure!

25 03 2010
Dean

I’d settle for practicing on all the framed portraits in the Channel 9 foyer

26 03 2010
Robbie

hahaha….Eddie Mcguire would have to be at the top of the list 🙂

A little off topic, don’t you think ‘Shaolin’ would make a great bogue name?? Maybe spelt ‘Shay0-lynn’

25 11 2010
Ash - Corporate Lawyer cum Lingerie Model

Wanting to glass anyone associated with CNein automatically makes you an anti-bogan.

25 03 2010
devil's advocate

Bogan is buying a car because you had a poster of it on your wall as a kid. Even more bogan is buying two of them.

True taste dictates an aston martin or bentley continental GT.

25 03 2010
Paul

I like the look and sound of Astons, but have heard bad things about the quality. The owners in question ended up selling and going with Porsche instead.
Bentley is fantastic, but an old man’s car in my opinion.

25 03 2010
devil's advocate

The town cars are old man cars, the continential GT is a 2-door coupe, and unadulterated awesome.

See also: Lleyton Hewitt and his red ferrari.

25 03 2010
Benjamin

The current crop of Lamborghinis are a work of art.

If I had the money and could cope with the guilt I’d be lining up to buy one.

25 03 2010
Paul

’tis a matter of personal preferences – I do see old-man in them. Perhaps in part because the owners I know are all old men!

glad you like the new Lambos Benjamin, and hope you find the $$$. Far better cars technically, and the Gallardo is still slowly growing on me, I admit that it is a very versatile and almost “everyday” supercar. On a long trip or around town it is great. I was alerted to one at a great price up in Europe recently but my funds were tied up and it sold in a matter of hours. I still love the Lambos when they were 100% Italian – Diablo VT, Miura, Jalpa and even the Countach. They were both temperamental and ridiculously ostentatious – as an Italian should be! The new crop as I said are better cars, but there seems to be some of the previous soul missing.

25 03 2010
Benjamin

Alas, if I had the money it would almost certainly go elsewhere.

It’s a lot of money to spend on a car. A great car, yes, but still a car…

I’d make an exception for the Tesla roadster (I like Lotus’ and I wouldn’t have to cope with my leftie green guilt if I were to buy one).

25 03 2010
devil's advocate

If you could afford to buy a ferrari, you could afford to pay some bogan not to drive his HSV. It would be like micro-carbon-trading, except you’d need some reliable way to ensure the bogue fulfilled his side of the contract.

25 03 2010
jay

alas, aston-martins and bentleys (in particular the continental) have been ruined by becoming ‘footballers’ cars’ in uk.

25 03 2010
devil's advocate

Adultery of itself is not bogan. Getting caught and having the details play out on the front page of the tabloids/Women’s weekly is what elevates it to bogan status. And having the wounded spouse elevated to celebrity status out of pity is just the icing on the cake.

Maybe “highly publicised adultery” could be a post of its own. It’s enough to drag an otherwise non-bogue into the domain of the bogue.

25 03 2010
Ryu

I don’t agree at all. Maybe for the “old skool” bogan, but I think TBL have it spot on. Class, environment, wealth and standard of education have nothing to do with NaBs.

I was born in England to working roots, and spent a lot of time growing up in an outer Melbourne bogan suburb. I also had an expensive private school education, so i got a fairly good insight into both “sides” of this.

I had a lot of rich friends [and enemies] growing up, and in all honesty many displayed the exact characteristics of the “bogan” as detailed on this site:
.> a disrespect and distrust of “intellectualism”, and the pursuit of anything remotely artistic. [ie: gay].
.> a lack of respect for others rights and their property
.> a total refusal to treat others as you would like to be treated [unless you could beat them in a fight]

Many of them were great football, rugby and cricket players whose fathers were mostly CEO’s and business owners. They all had a shitload more money than my family and grew up in relative luxury.

The reason this site is written off as “elitist”, “lefty”, “PC” and “hipster” is due to the defining bogan characteristic of being COMPLETELY unable to think outside of their immediate environment and mindset, thus polarising everything into: us against them.

They also have fuck all understanding of irony.

25 03 2010
toony

TBL, is there a way of ‘sticky-ing’ a post?

Put simply, this is quite possibly the best post I’ve read on this site.

There is not. But we also like it. TBL

25 03 2010
David Heslin

How then do we explain the existence of these lesser human beings, ignorant and uncultured as they are? And the site’s mission statement, claiming that the bogan “defies income, class, race, creed, gender or religion” is in direct conflict with the vague representation that it presents. No matter how many examples you can find from personal experience, I feel that class and income are always going to be unavoidable factors to some extent (we could even just describe the ‘bogan’ as poor, uneducated people and rich people who behave like poor, uneducated people) – nevertheless, even leaving those to one side, there is nothing here that suggests that the ‘bogan’ is much other than a white, (barely) nominally Christian twit from the suburbs.

Look, I’m not trying to be a killjoy – I find this site hilarious and mostly spot-on, and I visit every couple of days to catch up on any entries that I may have missed. I even run a similarly themed Facebook group called “Fuck off, xenophobes, we’re full”. Yet, I think it’s a stretch to attempt to divorce this sort of humour from its essentially stereotype-driven and (I still argue) elitist perspective, and that probably goes for my group too. All I’m saying is, if we are to look at this from a broader perspective, we have to face the fact that there is no 100% sociologically defensible manner in which to make fun of other people.

27 03 2010
Ryu

“rich people who behave like poor, uneducated people”

so tell me how poor uneducated people behave???!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!

26 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

Bogan!

26 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

that doesn’t look good.
not @ you toony.
I envy your insight and eloquence.

27 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

and not directed at David either.
someone waay back up the page.

however…
“stereotyping is bad” notwithstanding, we are almost defining or elucidating a new social phenomenon. The racists and poseurs have come together. with ca$h. like to the maxXx.
Bra.
This phenomenon is beginning to weild substantial influence, if only by virtue of it’s buying power and as a result the shit is around about up to our waists.
I’m all for bread and circus. I get that.
but it seems in recent years things like the hanson phenomenon opened up attitudes that I had imagined were firmly on the “social engineer out” list. personally I am equally livid and nauseated that paradigms “like we grew here…” etc are promulgated with such vehemence by those who are so ignorant and as TBL points out, spoon fed to morons just to exploit their cash with such vigour by those who definately know better. but dont give a fuck.
as has been pointed out, there is no shortage of quality circus…

so fuck em!
fucking bogues.
I’ll take the piss wherever I can. Unless I am at actual immediate risk of a glassing.

27 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

ooh look!
I have my own little corner here.

ADD

25 03 2010
Shirley M

There’s been a lot of debate today over who is and who is not a bogan, what ‘Things Bogans Like’ should really be called, what’s wealthy and what isn’t and so on and so forth. Let’s all just agree that if everyone were like me, well, that would be awesome.

25 03 2010
Benjamin

Bit of a tautology that. Of course as we all would be like you, we’d share the same opinion, and hence think it awesome, as you do.

Keep in mind that if you had to live with a clone of yourself, one of you would be glassing the other (thinking then a cnut) in short order. Nothing like perspective… This is probably true of everyone though.

As evidence I present the Red Dwarf episode “Me2”.

25 03 2010
Shirley M

I don’t want everyone to BE me. That would be awful.

Red Dwarf as evidence. Hehehehehe.

25 03 2010
Benjamin

Dunno – in an odd mood here for some reason. Too much coffee perhaps.

25 03 2010
Sten Mk II

what happened to the Max Markson entry? Law suit? death threats? TBL writers got glassed?

Still there as far as we can tell…TBL

25 03 2010
AlyssaKT

you made me look! You dirty chook! haha

26 03 2010
Peter of Kensington

It’s a shame I missed the latter parts of this discussion, I could have had some fun. Anyway, here is my belated 2 cents worth.

The claim that the stereotype referred to in this Blog is not linked to socio-economic status is flawed. The term ‘Bogan’, is a well-established stereotype within Australia, closely associated with the ‘lower’ class. If the writers did not want to be associated with this definition, why did they adopt that term? It is because this Blog relies on your existing prejudices.

This is clearly played out with the often-repeated phrase “this is things Bogans like, not things ‘only’ bogans like, which is in clear conflict with the supposed premise that a bogan is defined by their actions. How can someone act like a bogan without being a bogan?….enter your existing prejudice.

People will claim that it is the motives behind the behaviour that differentiates the Bogan, but how can TBL speak for the motives and intents of thousands of people? That claim is ridiculous, but you accept it, why? The reason you can assume someone in an Ed Hardy shirt is only interested in the Xtreame aspects of the Shaolin monks is because you believe Bogans wear Ed Hardey, not that wearing Ed Hardy makes you a Bogan.

Anyway, I am ranting, which is not my style. Yeah this site is a bit of fun and was intended as satire. The writers are doing a good job blah blah blah. However, don’t use it as a justification for your prejudices. Have fun, mock Bogans, be assholes, it’s the internet. Just don’t kid yourself this is rational social commentary.

26 03 2010
James Hunter

Fiona 10.28.5,
Over you head?
wow
when others look at the clouds they look up. When you look at the clouds you look down

26 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. No, idiot. Over everyone ELSE’S head.

26 03 2010
Simon

Fi, I can read Ozasian so knew just what you were on about, but a line like that should be left to speak for itself.

26 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Which it was. For a while.

26 03 2010
Simon

So people can’t help themselves.

26 03 2010
Simon

*Some – to the coffe machine.*

26 03 2010
Shirley M

I concur

26 03 2010
Tee-Agra

TBL – I’m surprised her moronic boyfriend doesnt get a mention or is that tomorrows topic??

5 08 2010
danny

I just required to say that I discovered your blog via Goolge and I am glad I did. Carry on the great work and I will ensure to bookmark you for when I have additional free of charge time away from the books. Thanks!

13 09 2011
darren

The Chinese communist state is responsible if anything for the apparent whoreish-ness of it all and their usual exploitative ways in selling their heritage for profit.
one of my very good friends is a warrior monk from the original Shaolin temple China.I also traveled there to learn the arts and i personally guarantee you they have no personal need for profit and the main aim is to spread the teachings of kung fu and hopefully inspire some people to do better with themselves in a real way and show that our minds and body’s can be used for more things than making money. this is why they spend years everyday practicing. even if you call them whores. Which was real nice of you. you seem like an angry person and maybe should spend your time more wisely or at least research you subject area first before abusing the few remaining devotees to a way of life we could all learn something from.

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