The bogan is never wrong about anything. In instances where there are negative consequences, it will always seek to blame an outside factor, such as intellectuals, the government, the police, or ADHD. But what about the moral dilemma when the bogan wishes to initiate negative behaviour from scratch, and there’s nothing else to blame?
Fortunately for the bogan, its lack of original thought means that there are usually other bogans who feel the same way as it does. So when it’s time to cause trouble, the bogan will not hesitate to shoehorn the Australiana cliché of ‘standing by your mates’ into the idea of ‘let’s form an angry bogan mob and be maxtreme’. Once the bogan integrates itself into an angry mob, its inhibitions melt away like polar ice caps. Liberated from its obligation to think, it duly charges around the place like a demented bronco, revelling in the collective unconsciousness. It is now free to steal any items that it may want, and destroy items that don’t warrant stealing. The bogan at this point will feel a deep and personal sense of affiliation with the Eureka Flag, which it knows is associated with bogan ancestors ‘not takin shit from noone’, but little detail beyond that.
This week’s example of bogan mob behaviour occurred in suburban Melbourne. After learning that the “Easternats” burnout session at Calder Park had been cancelled due to a commercial disagreement between organisers, the bogans decided that a franchised store of one of the sponsors (and over 30km from the Easternats site) was the logical place to protest. It was initially peaceful, but a critical mass of discontented bogans was soon assembled in one place. This resulted in windows being smashed in with steel poles, fully sick rims being looted from the store, and the store’s ute getting overturned by a surprisingly collaborative bogan effort.
A newspaper photographer was at the scene, and some bogans took it upon themselves to kick the shit out of him for daring to photograph the mob. The photographer noted that police walked past without helping him up, as did a “Highway Patrol” reality TV camera crew who were deliriously excited to be filming a bogan mob of this size for future broadcast to other bogans.
While Ballarat’s 1854 goldminers were protesting in mob form for the right to vote, the right to purchase land, and for taxation reform, the 2010 bogan was protesting in mob form for the right to have someone else pay to organise a place for it to do sick burnouts and hot laps to coincide with a Christian religious holiday. They truly are kin.