The bogan does not like ballet. The male bogan is open about this. The female bogan will occasionally declare their love of ballet – particularly as their qualifications extend to three years with their ankles on a horizontal bar in primary school – yet hasn’t attended a performance in over a decade. This is terrible news for ballet dancers, who for years, have struggled to retain the world’s attention, and are now haemorrhaging money as they cannot access bogan bucks.
A solution had to emerge. A bogan solution. But how to make ballet appeal to its sworn enemies? Why, make it x-treme, of course. Thus was born Rasta Thomas’ ‘Rock the Ballet’, a “fusion of classic ballet technique blended with the excitement of musical theatre, hip hop, tap, contemporary dance, gymnastics and more. Featuring a stellar soundtrack including some of the biggest hits from Michael Jackson*, U2*, Prince*, Queen*, Coldplay* and Lenny Kravitz*, and set against a backdrop of video projected scenery, the show is exciting, powerful and brilliantly entertaining.”
Rasta Thomas, clearly a sworn enemy of both the ballet and rock fraternities, has merged the lameness of ballet with the lameness of Lenny Kravitz and Coldplay, creating an Andre Rieu-esque doubling-down on lameness which has in the past proven successful in emptying the bogan wallet and confusing the bogan mind.
Thus conceived, Rock the Ballet could then proceed to be sold to bogans. Hence the inclusion of “the excitement of…hip hop”, phrases like “gravity doesn’t exist for him and his dancers” featuring in the promos, and having Ticketmaster offer ‘presale’ deals. ‘Presale’ offers in particular appeal to the bogan need to break the rules. The bogan buys tickets that they technically aren’t allowed to buy, hence are made happy. In these ‘presale’ offers, the ‘password’ the bogan must offer is ‘BADBOYS’, because it is sufficiently x-treme to encourage the male bogan’s acquiescence to attend.
Once seated, the bogan sees this:
*” Please note that these are not the original recordings. For more information please visit the official Rock the Ballet website.” The bogan gets to watch x-treme ballet and a cover band at the same time!