Despite his X-enabled name and vast bogan-derived riches, Max Markson remains a mysterious figure to bogans. Primarily famous for being near other famous people, Markson differs from pointless entity Richard Wilkins because he is an evil genius. Wilkins, on the other hand, is believed to be some form of carcinogenic polymer that derives sustenance from nutrients found in red coloured carpet, and the shiny leather cladding Max Markson’s feet.
Markson is a “talent agent” and publicist who is notable for exploiting other peoples’ mediocre fame, and he specialises in trying to grind out 15 and a half minutes of fame for bogans such as Tania Zaetta (military sex scandal), Pauline Hanson (political sex scandal), and Susie Maroney (criminal sex scandal). At the time of writing, the headline on his website (http://www.marksonsparks.com.au) is “Lara Bingle signs with Markson Sparks!”, while the second news item is “Ed Hardy joins Markson Sparks!”. Within a week of Bingle signing with his agency, there happened to be a front page sports sex scandal involving Bingle. His hypnotic control over the bogan’s media needs is just that strong.
But there’s STILL more. Tim Shaw from Demtel is a Markson client, as is Catriona Rowntree, (and now here’s…) Moira, a Daddo, and the entire cast of the 2008 series of The Biggest Loser. Markson defies every medical and financial principle to keep these careers alive. It is not known whether he uses black magic, an elaborate system of ropes and pulleys, or incomprehensibly large bribes funded by corruption in war-torn Third World nations.
Markson is on the record as saying “I can make anyone a star”, which is immensely reassuring to bogans, who want very badly to be stars. The bogan seems to have decided that its chances of becoming a Markson-conjured celebrity are immeasurably increased by rabidly consuming whatever antimatter bilge that Markson Sparks is pumping into magazines at the time. It is almost certain that a sex scandal involving both Lara Bingle and Christian Audigier will occur in the next three minutes.