The internet has achieved a number of momentous leaps forward: culturally, socially, technologically. However, none have enjoyed the benefits of the growing reach of the intertubes as the bogan. Through the power of the net, the bogan now has the capacity to broadcast every aspect of its life to everyone. This brings the bogan one step closer to achieving nirvana – celebrity status –appearances on reality television acting as an interim step notwithstanding.
For you see, the bogan believes – doesn’t think, but truly believes – that you care about them, their family and absolutely everything that occurs therein. While later installments will deal with the bogan’s love of posting every blurry, homogeneous photograph from Saturday night at X Bar, it is the use of photographs of boganinity’s next generation on their Facebook page that is perhaps THE defining bogan characteristic.
None of this takes into account that Facebook ‘friends’ are hardly friends in the sense that friends tend to actually have a role to play in a person’s life. A bogan’s Facebook friends, by contrast, often have only a peripheral connection to the owner of an account. The bogan, in their effort to do everything to the x-treme, managed to rack up a ‘friend’ count approaching 1,400 within two weeks of signing up, having assiduously requested a connection with every single person their lives have tangentially brushed up against. At this point, the bogan considers it an ideal opportunity to ensure that all images of all things about their life are available to the broadest audience they have access to.
Hence, their offspring. Their offspring dancing, playing, vomiting, laughing, crying, crawling, walking, shitting, eating and looking cute. All. Over. Facebook. Even better is when these children hit the age of about seven or eight, and are then photographed in semi-alluring poses, with makeup, and posted on Facebook.
But it gets better. There is a small, but growing, niche of bogans who, in prototypical bogan fashion, take this trend to its most extreme conclusion. They use the photo of their child as their own profile picture on Facebook. Because, clearly, they ARE their children. Because the importance of their children, the sheer glowing awesomeness of their spawn, is so great that it eclipses the existence of the bogan. Because you might not click on their latest album, “Breeyanahs’ first poo!”, to view their progeny’s tentative expulsive efforts. Because you care.