#82 – Nike Shoxmax

10 02 2010

Nike just knows. It knows that despite its sporadic or entirely absent dedication to cardiovascular fitness, the bogan requires a pair of high performance running shoes. And not just a pair of sleek, low profile running shoes – the bogan wants to obnoxiously trumpet their purchase to anyone within a 10 metre radius. For this reason, like some sort of conscientious lyrebird, they are drawn to running shoes with bright colours, jagged lines, shiny bits, and gimmicks.

But Nike already knew this. Way back in 1987, they released their first Air Max shoe. Coupling a highly visible cushioning technology with the use of letter X proved to be a lasting winner with the bogan, who does very much enjoy taking things to the max. Despite often being many kilograms over an ideal running weight, the bogan was, and is, willing to fork out well in excess of $200 for a shoe that is 50 grams lighter than a shoe $100 cheaper. Using this reliable mathematical formula, the heavy set bogan is willing to pay $20,000 for the honour of losing 10kg by running around a local park three times a week for 6 months. It even has the ideal shoes for the task. Even better, some of these shoes come with what appear to be very large springs attached to the heel – a clear indication of the shoes’ ability to add to the bogan’s ‘mad hops’.

But alas, the bogan is rarely seen running around anything, with one exception. In 2007, British police data revealed that 5 of the top 6 footprint patterns left at crime scenes were those of Nike Air Max shoes. Just as the British tiprat favours taking things to the max, its Australian cousins at the criminal end of the bogan spectrum are also regularly seen sprinting their Air Maxs up the street with an Xbox under one arm, and a DVD player under the other. You see, after spending $250 on its athletic shoes, the thieving, wheezing bogan sees itself as too cash-strapped to instantly purchase its own DVD player.

Like all truly great companies, Nike was not content to rest on its laurels. In 2001 it pioneered a new method to vacuum new dollars from the bogan. “Nike Shox” contained the requisite X, and added a misspelling to up the x-tremeness level. The Shox themselves are rubbery cushioning columns in the sole of the shoe, with unenclosed gappy bits around them for max x-treme visual impact. The new technology allowed Nike to charge a higher price, one which the bogan was quite content to pay. There has been a gradual increase in the use of Shox technology in Nike’s high end sports shoes, making its entry into a) the criminal’s most-loved list, and b) the local Fitness First, all but certain.


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211 responses

10 02 2010
Rachel

Bogans, cashed up or not, always seem to have enough money for ridiculous running shoes and the matching oversized baseball cap, never having voluntarily jogged anywhere nor held a bat for sporting purposes.

10 02 2010
Jodie

This is so true. I was talking to a friend yesterday about bogans in Cen’alink and he made the observation that so many of the people he saw queuing up to ask for money were wearing $300 running shoes. I hadn’t noticed it but he and this blog are spot on. Perhaps it’s the bogan’s way of trumpeting its non-existent prestige?

11 02 2010
Simon of South Yarra

The baseball bat is used but only to whack folk

10 02 2010
j-ho

the first shoes dont look bogan enough

10 02 2010
j-ho

oh wait, yes they do….

10 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. And the matching FUBU track “suit”.

10 02 2010
Tone

FUBU and DADA tend to be worn more by ferals than bogans. I think this is because ferals like clothes they can spell.

10 02 2010
Tubesteak

No Tone, FUBU, DADA and KAPPA are worn by the bogan subset known as the wogan who is very proud of their fully sik trackies.

An article a few months ago in the AFR had such a wogan claiming that it was selling it’s Audi because the car was already known too much as belonging to him in it’s SW Sydney suburb and he knew it made it’s new wife a bit miffed that everyone knew it was him

Article accompanied with pic showing him wearing Air Mac shoes and KAPPA trackies

He also claimed that he was selling the car because he needed the money

Irony

10 02 2010
Tone

Kappa is strictly for wogans. But if one is brave enough to head out to the various feral colonies on the outskirts of our capital cities (such as Mt Druitt and Elizabeth), you will see a sea of FUBU and DADA and not a wogan in sight.

If you look closely, you can still see the purple stains. But you don’t want to get up too close, as you’ll either end up being punched out or suffocated by the stench of cigarette smoke and b.o.

10 02 2010
reparty

Ok guys…..work in liquor and you can often tell certain things. When a group of streeties walk in with a full Dada/Fubu/Sean John/Slim Shady-Eminem/ Wu Wear track suit get out, they will gofor the cheapest fruity lexia. When groups are wearing a combo two will try and distract you while another member steals something. When confronted, they will abuse you in a way you won’t forget too soon, up to and including physical assault. This also extends to the following brands: Skunk, Ruffryderz, and anyone wearing a Tupac/Snoopdogg/professional wrestling tshirt.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

I helped a friend out by driving some Booze Busses on Saturday and Friday nights.
sounds like the very same people or social sub class as u describe.
assholes is better descriptor.

10 02 2010
SM Adelaide

My understanding is that FUBU has a hilarious meaning should you ever see a white Aussie wearing it.

For fear of causing trouble, just let me say that when I say “n” it stands for a certain racially charged term very sensitive to use in the United States of America (yet oddly common in rap music)

Anyway, my undertanding is FUBU stands for:

For Us “n”‘s By Us “n”‘s

hence the comedy of seeing white aussies wearing the brand

10 02 2010
James Hunter

SM the word your looking for is NIGGER

10 02 2010
Bogue

Please James, is that necessary? Besides, I think the word is ‘niggaz’.

As interesting aside is that FUBU’s street cred amongst caucasian gangsta wannabes seems to have dropped, with the high profile plastic hip hop garments now the staple of African gangsta wannabes.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

well yes it is
all you politically corect thingys
no matter what abreviations u use u think the meaning is clear.
so if the meanigs clear why not use the correct word?
i think you all a lot of social pussies.

10 02 2010
Bogue

Political Correctness Gone Mad…post your complaints there.

10 02 2010
Linda

and the HOT PINK velvet playboy tracksuit and matching hoodie.

It goes with the acrylic nails and the fake rip-off pandora bracelet from the markets.

10 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Pandora is ripped off? How is that even possible????

10 02 2010
Linda

If you are game enough to step out the Fortress Fiona – take an excursion to Caribbean Markets in Wantirna. You will see all the “fake” pandora on display.

Bring Dettol.

10 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I shan’t be doing that. I have no idea where Wantirna is. Nor do I wish to.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Such a sheltered little thing is Fiona, wonder how she such an expert on bogans??
Is he one??
If not and she sheltered then how come she exposed to them??

10 02 2010
Linda

She was adopted by rich people.. her birth parents are bogans

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Ah, I see your point:
“Blood will out.”

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Fiona, you realy shouldnt even admit to knowing so much about Pandora !!wonder if Pandorsbox is where you find the stuff?

10 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. It was discussed in a previous blog, you drunkard.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Ah Fiona your so perspective
as if

10 02 2010
James Hunter

and a realy tiny Rat Like dog in the hand bag ?? maybe to stop any one niking the300 credit cards to accounts with no money in them??

10 02 2010
James Hunter

fiona,, what brads ans names on your trakies and runners?? and head sweat band??

this information vital to verify the veracity of the truthfullnes and accuracy of your statement

second para just to check if its the same fiona !!!!!!

10 02 2010
brad

dont bring me into it knackers

10 02 2010
Bogue

“Track” “suit”…I’m chortling at the thought of an elite athelete turning up to the track in one of those floppy plastic nightmares…you could power a small town from the static electricity generated.

10 02 2010
Linda

FUBU LOL!

hey this is un-related however I came across one of Australia’s original bogans having her dream come true….

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/entertainment/music/hells-bells-sisters-dirty-deed-never-forgiven/story-e6frf9hf-1225828499848

She isn’t exactly ther nouvaeau bogue version 2.0 of today with the tacky playboy velvet jumpsuit, fake tan and acrylic nails however… she would be before they evolved into the trash they are today.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

maybe “Sylvania Waters” ??

10 02 2010
Linda

Sylvania Waters! Oh God, does anyone have a copy?

10 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Good Lord, that woman is 49? She looks to be a hard living 99 year old.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Probably not Fiona, that degree of Downplaying requires the skill set of someone from the “Lesiure Class”

10 02 2010
Jo

the nike air max’s aren’t bogan, actually all the “hipsters” (the common bogan enemy) are into the majority of nike sneakers because of their 80s cred, hipsters love anything 80s.
But the Nike Shox are quite hideous, anyone who wishes to wear them is probably a bogan.
I think a better footwear entry would have been “Crocs”, I’m disapppointed with this submission.

Actually Jo, hipsters have, in their ongoing quest for ironic success, embraced 80s style Reebok Pumps, which the bogan will soon realise. Nike have never really gone down the retro road, and as such, remain beloved of the bogan. But thank you for voicing your disapproval. TBL

10 02 2010
Benjamin Hill

‘TBL write…
Nike have never really gone down the retro road’

Are you sure TBL?

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=retro+nike+images

They do retro release some shoes, but being a brand that only achieved prominence in the mid 80s, they never had the back catalogue of 70s style sports shoes that had been the main source of retro designs until recently. Now that the mid and late 80s are prime sources of trend retroing, expect Nike to cash in more than they previously could. Examples include the Air Force 1, and the first few iterations of the Jordan shoe. The point remains, however, that brands like Puma, Adidas, Asics, New Balance, and Converse have all been more strongly associated with retro sports shoes over the years, despite Nike being the overall market leader in athletic footwear. TBL

10 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Whilst your point is well made, I feel I must point out that lmgtfy.com is a bogan tool of choice.

10 02 2010
Benjamin Hill

Strawman.

10 02 2010
Benjamin Hill

Nice one. I agree that Puma and Adidas have more ties with retro fashion (a’la Run DMC) than Nike does. Of late, say past 2 years, I have noticed the purpose built Nike retro shoes have become more prominent than the aforementioned, however in writing this maybe they were bogans in disguise as I recall the most of them had polo’s on with the collars turned up.

I am confused now.

The bogan struggles with the ironic cultural referencing of retro sportswear. It doesn’t understand why you’d want a boring shoe from 25 years ago, when there are new season’s ShoxMax at Footlocker. Nike has probably always wanted to make money off hipsters by selling them retro shoes, and only in the last couple of years has the hipster taste shifted into Nike’s glory years. A side-effect of these relatively retroless years for Nike, is that the bogan respects them for being cutting edge and x-treme. TBL

11 02 2010
Sam

In 20 years time will these “hipsters” be buying retro release 2010 Nike Air Max for the irony?

Quite probably. TBL

10 02 2010
Bogue

Think Nike, think Shane Warne’s earrings, and expensive shoes maunfactuerd in Asian sweat shops…can you get more bogan than that?

Crocs are worn by idiots, a subset of every social genre.

10 02 2010
Kat

Agree – crocs are not particularly bogan.

10 02 2010
Tubesteak
23 02 2010
dizzy

true. bogans also love the all-white air force ones, with the velcro strap left open on the top of the shoe so it can hang there and slap each ankle as they walk.

hipsters prefer slimmer styled shoes as they fit with their girlfriend’s jeans much better. think tiger…

10 02 2010
Ethan

The pink shoes look like an angry but oh so cute crocodile LoL.

10 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Perhaps that’s why the male bogan loves their white faux crocodile shoes so much? What would Cup Day be without them…

10 02 2010
James Hunter

I like the bogans with lota money the have their own indicators…. live in Toorak and drive Huge Clean top of the range 4X4 s
??

10 02 2010
Mezz

Don’t the bogans do cup day in bare feet?

10 02 2010
Nelson Esq

They start the day with shoes and end the day sans shoes (especially the women), tie, jacket, lunch and dignity.

10 02 2010
AJ

I thought bogans didn’t have dignity.

10 02 2010
Apple Pie

They used to be a hit on Mufti day…(and probably still are).. the nerd accountant swaps his brown suit, white shirt and tie …
for a hawiian shirt and check shorts, long white socks…and his NIKEs !!
…air bubbles ‘n all….White, Pink and Blue….
People of Walmart eat ya frickin heart out !!
After work dinner and drinks…then to the velvet rope…
6 feet 5 inch bouncer refuses entry…
Nerd Accountant to bouncer : quote ” but they’re NIKEs ! they’re NIKES !
Bouncer to Nerd Accountant : quote ” Fuck off, Just Do It !!

10 02 2010
James Hunter

best place to find the expensive bogans asside from Toorak is parcek in serried ranks in Lygon street.

10 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. James, lay off the metho. With every unintentionally hilarious comment, the evidence of your brain cells dying becomes ever more apparent…

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Dear Fiona,I do not know what your drinking but do accept that it is most likley not metho.”Though spose u have metho for Fondu Parties ??
However in the wider community metho is a great social leveler. no matter where you live one can find it on the shelf and it lurks in many a kitchen cupboard. Cept Toorak Trolls probably have it hidden away in the hired help’s work room, “Its for cleaning glass you know”
Also; any one who drinks it, wether with lime cordial and a nice diet lemonade or with tap water will find themselves leveled equally !!( mind you adding it as a booster to VB is “going over the top”,just a tad.

Most importantly if you think my comments are untintionally hilarious then you have realy missed the boat . sorry Fiona but to be unintentionally hilarious requires so much more intelligence and training in the modern use of the english language then you seem to think i have been the carlous reciepient of.
So with my megre education and life experience I can only manage Deliderate Hilarity.
Sorry.

10 02 2010
Jodie

It should be “of which you seem to think….”

Tip of the unintentionally hilarious grammatical iceberg, my friend…

10 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. That’s the only problem you could find in his missive?

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Jodie
good thing you missed deliDerate !!
But I accept your point.
You too must be of the real(i.e. outside the Toorak gated enclaves) ( ghetto may be a closer descriptor) world.
I do try to be a little improbable and always honest.
What confuses people is the honesty. It is less and less a necesity of life in the modern world.
pity

10 02 2010
Jodie

I didn’t miss anything… I believe I said tip of the iceberg…

10 02 2010
brad

more likely meth

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Brad , i already said
“it’s for cleaning glass ,’u know”

10 02 2010
brad

bang ha ha

10 02 2010
berihebi

I like jogging at night with nothing on except my R.M Williams with cuban heel.

10 02 2010
JimmyMac

what, no sports bra?

10 02 2010
berihebi

I like my manboobs hangin’ free JimmyMac

10 02 2010
James Hunter

bet i got more man boob then you…neh neh
goes away of stage for a giggle.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

the sportz bra ..you gota go to Toorak to the local Tennis Club, place is teemingWITH THEM
ALSO YOU CAN CHECK OUT THE mONEYED bOGANS MODE OF TRANSPORT… THE HUGE TOP LINE VERY CLEAN 4×4

10 02 2010
James

*eats popcorn, settles in for what should be an interesting match*

10 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Ugh, you must be joking.

https://thingsboganslike.wordpress.com/2010/02/05/79-big-things/

Start at 17:52:21. He was bested there and bested again he shall be.

10 02 2010
James

Looks like JH is up for another round Fiona. Time to lace up those gloves…

10 02 2010
James Hunter

James ,
Thank you, thank you .. bows and waits for the applause to die down… thank you.

10 02 2010
Loftie

*takes a seat next to james*

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Thank you Lofty,. put the word round, front row filling fast.
could end up like some of my shows:
front row seats even at a premium fill fast, interesting thing is half of the front row spend large amounts of the show with hands over eyes !!
Never couls figer that. Maybe Fiona could shed some light??
Fiona, come out of the Green Room your up

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Fiona
Repartee is not something you think of after the other person has gone

10 02 2010
Indi

And an appointment in casualty.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Ah Indi,
always knew u my kinda girl

10 02 2010
Indi

I actually meant berihebi- cuban heels and jogging, bad combination.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

shocking impact on the heals?? shouldnt do it as could ruin a perfectly good set of cubans?

10 02 2010
Indi

And do an ankle. Maybe he likes the thought of turning up in nothing but boots to casualty.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

I think him in cas’ with anklestrapped over the cuban.
just immagine the wailing and lamenting if teh cas’ dochtor had to cut the boot of?? it would be like a middel eastern funeral

10 02 2010
berihebi

But I need the cuban heels as weapons in case I run into any bogans. It’s not easy being a nude Indian jogger at night in the western suburbs you know. The genuine R.M handcrafted kangaroo leather makes them very sensual, very sensual indeed.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

im sorry I didnt click that you were indian.
at least with dark skin in nothing but cubans you very hard to see.maybe you could get little fluro flage like all the mine vehicles have, one tucked in each cuban just so the car drivers can see you??
how you get the viseral ppleasure from people watching you doing Nude Jogging (in Cubans,as a sub class under nude jogging) if people cant see you??
seems to me depeats whole purpose

10 02 2010
Battery operated floating studio

Fubu isn’t really bogan… it’s tiprat. Here’s an explanation of it, shoehorned into TBL style. Enjoy!

FUBU

Tiprats love being trendy, and they love looking tough. While our good friend Christian Audigier is providing tacky tattoo-covered t-shirts for the bogan for when it wants to go and pick fights at nightclubs, many a tiprat embraces the more everyday trendy/tough functionality of FUBU for its daytime activities. FUBU has a distinctly hip hop edge, which has been the most thuggish and showy music genre over the past few years. Perfect for the Aussie tiprat, and to some extent, the bogan.

FUBU is a fashion brand started in 1992 by Daymond John, who was sick of brands like Nike exploiting his local culture to earn big bucks selling the style to suburban white kids in distant cities. He didn’t know it at the time, but his new brand would make it worse. You see, Daymond is a black man from Queens in New York City, and he was sick of his local street culture being plundered. FUBU is an acronym of “For us, by us”, an expression of his and his friends’ desire to get his local community involved in creating the clothing they loved.

Soon enough, the bogans’ desperate need to be tough and branded saw them, along with boganesque people in other countries, pillage the spirit of the brand by wearing it with no comprehension of what it stood for. Dauntingly ironically, suburban train stations Australia wide spent large parts of the past decade hosting twilight violent muggings by clusters of FUBU-clad white teenaged bogans towards ethnic minorities.

The New York kids were dismayed that this attempt to create authentic urban culture has backfired so spectacularly, and sales of FUBU clothing to these people declined sharply once they realised what had happened. News was slower to get through to the bogan though, because Cronulla beach is poorly connected to NYC. When it did, the bogan’s short attention span saw it soon move on to another brand, with the remaining antipodean exponents primarily from the tiprat genus. As a result, FUBU has cynically turned itself into a bogan cash harvester of a different type, creating “tough” merchandise for the AFL and other clients, selling an urban illusion to the bogan.

10 02 2010
brad

“twilight violent muggings by clusters of FUBU-clad white teenaged bogans towards ethnic minorities’ where are you from-obviously not Melbourne

10 02 2010
Loftie

Damn it – another one that strikes me straight to the heart…
When i was a teenager – all those years ago… I was 100% bogan…
long hair, baggy jeans, black faded metallica t-shirt…
and Nike Air Jordans, Reebok Pumps, etc etc…
(though I actually played basketball – justifying slightly on the footwear)…

Only recently did I make a purchase of a pair of shoes that I wanted SO badly when I was a kid – but could not afford…
I bought a pair of Original Nike Air Jordan VI’s – and I couldnt’ be happier…
Though they only come out for basketball (once a week) and are kept in perfect condition…

Come to think of it, I didn’t realise how bogue my teenage years were… I had the Kurt Cobain-esq converse onestars… i had the long hair, and I played guitar in a grunge band…

Wow – looking back… i’ve come a long way…

10 02 2010
Bogue

I still prefer my No Sweat Converse knock-offs…the canvas high top has always been my fave and I never felt enthusiastic about huge flashy sneakers. However, I championed Addidas Romes right up to the early 1990’s and was often labeled a bogan, no ‘new age’ attached.

10 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

I wanted to ask where Converse and Dunlop Volleys fit in today’s blog.

Surely the boge has taken any cred either sand shoe (as they were called in the day) ever had by by now? I mean i see bogans everywhere with these things on.

It’s all a product life cycle that trickles through various groups of people.
Phase 1: A new sports shoe is popular amongst sportspeople and avant showoffs (duration 6 months)
Phase 2: Trendy bogans embrace said product (duration 2 years)
Phase 3: Trendy bogans move on to some other product
Phase 4: The only remaining wearers are untrendy bogans and sportspeople who care solely for function (duration 15-20 years)
Phase 5: The next generation of hipsters discover the profoundly unfashionable product for the first time, and embrace it in their masochistic hipster manner. Initially only extreme hipsters, gradually filtering through to less extreme hipsters (duration 3 years)
Phase 6: Shoe manufacturer realises that somehow their product is cool again, manufactures 3 million of them, and purchases billboard space
Phase 7: The trendy bogan obeys the marketing campaign, and the cycle regresses back to Phase 2.
TBL

10 02 2010
Kat

Agree. Bogans wear all runners and all runners are bogan. Nike may be the most bogan of all, but only by a degree.

10 02 2010
Bogue

Volleys used to be a bogan tradmark, but now they’re emo, along with low crotch tight-fitting acid wash jeans…once known as ‘poo-catchers’ when donned by 80’s bogans. My how times change!

10 02 2010
amr

Volleys still are the footwear of choice for tradie roofers.
The stick to corrugated iron like glue.

10 02 2010
Tone

I’d argue that old school bogans wore KT26s or Adidas Romes rather than Volleys.

10 02 2010
Bogue

Depends on the vintage of bogan. KT26’s have long been a source of cheap footwear available through places like Kmart, so there’s been no status in wearing them for decades.

10 02 2010
Kaiks

You can get a pair of steel-capped KT26 at Big W for under $30. I imagine the nouveau bogan would prefer to pay $200 for CAT/Timberlandboots in oredr to comply with Worksafe regulations.

10 02 2010
Simon

When I was young I had Desert boots and then got to progress to KT26’s. Hows that for old school!

10 02 2010
Bogue

I’ve still got my desert boots! They’re in mint (some would say ‘museum’) condition too.

10 02 2010
Simon

Why does that not surprise me Bogue. Can you still get DB’s. That would certainly put Tone ahead of the hipster curve.

10 02 2010
Bogue

I bought the last pair from Grundy’s on Rundle Street several years ago. After that they had a brief revival as ‘trendy wear’ available through Myers, but the 1975 look never really captured the imagination of the kids, as much as the garish faux-80’s garb that proceeded it.

10 02 2010
Tone

I’m thinking of getting myself some KT26s just for shits and giggles. I might be slightly ahead of the hipster curve for once.

One of the authors acquired KT26 Osakas in 2006. Not the velcro ones though, they still carry the “sex offender” stigma, which is a tough one to work through. TBL

10 02 2010
Simon

Tis true, nowadays KT 26s are worn by the dodgiest types.

10 02 2010
j-ho

yep, kt26’s are almost old hat again

10 02 2010
brad

had too be rollers with the do it yourself chess board design on the sides,if you wore pasties-truly bogan

11 02 2010
Lee

Ha rollers, I wore these through high school after graduating from desert boots through primary school.

11 02 2010
Lee

I concur amr, though since they have been made offshore they dont last as long and blow out in the toes.

10 02 2010
Nelson Esq

Volleys are popular with private school kids, especially those who row. If you go down to the boat sheds on the Yarra, every kid has got them on and usually without laces.

10 02 2010
Indi

In light of the comment above, what are you doing hanging around boatsheds?

10 02 2010
Simon

And were you wearing KT 26’s?

10 02 2010
Nelson Esq

You’re a cheeky bugger Indie… just enjoying a stroll along the river and the outdoors, trying not to get run over by bicycles after a visit to the NGV.

Never have nor never will own KT26’s. I had desert boots growing up and wear RM’s now.

10 02 2010
Indi

It was the juxtaposition which made your comment seem disturbing.

10 02 2010
Nelson Esq

I can assure you I’m not that teacher from Brighton Grammar…

10 02 2010
Indi

Which one? The place seems like a magnet for men with a proclivity for child porn.

11 02 2010
Lee

I never took a liking to RM’s boots, I wear Thomas Cook’s instead.

10 02 2010
FT

TBL, we can only hope that the above life cycle never occurs for these Adidas gems:

http://www.starwars.com/vault/collecting/news20091208/index.html

Will they be too sci-fi to become Bogan, or will there be just the right level of market saturation to make them a bogue-fashion must-have???

10 02 2010
Benjamin Hill

Untrendy bogan = retrosexual?

10 02 2010
Anon

Nike are surely taking the piss. Google ‘sea pig’ to see the inspiration for the Nike Shox.

10 02 2010
Loftie

Wow – and how did you come up with that Anon…
never even knew there was such a ‘beast’

10 02 2010
Indi

Is that anything like a bush pig?

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Indi i only heard two definitions for bush pig
one is just that, the kind hunters with big guns (some withj pig dogs) go shooting cause they realy are a huge pest.
second is a rough and (usually) ugly girl that live in bush towns or on farms. they huntey too by hunters with little wepons .habitst when not working is tiny town pubs.
also lots of em at Ute Musters where the circle work is not all donw with the utes !

10 02 2010
Indi

So our challenge is to design a shoe ‘inspired’- ahem – by either.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Yep good call Indi
Maybe Pig skin bedroom slippers with the hair on ??

10 02 2010
Indi

I’m thinking thigh-high, but with the bristles on the inside, and the tyre sole. Who can forget the Tred and its contribution to Australian fashion? Lace-up or a thong around the outside, can’t decide.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

like you style and attention to detail
only constructive comment I can make would be to concider making they platforms??
for tips on style try our rewsident “Styleista”
Fiona..??
come on Fiona, dont hang round in the green room unless you ready to go on stage.

10 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. *glug glug*

10 02 2010
James Hunter

than you Fiona ,,at last a sensible comment??

10 02 2010
Indi

The tyre sole would have to be made from knobblies, which might give you some added height- perhaps on the side of the platform as well. Open-toe and rubber thong piece, of course.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Indi
what a team u andi would make wed storm the fashion world !!
The Knobbie I like but they can be a bit tricky on bitumen in the wet !!
The rubber thong is good
maybe a rubber thony ,like a mankini to make a discrete outfit where fully niked is not suitable.
Like doing laps of the Toorak tennis club??

10 02 2010
Keeping Kosher Klansman

Things Obese People Like (TOPL): Nike t-shirts, sweat tops.

You’ve never seen a swoosh move so slowly.

10 02 2010
Tone

I’m guessing that the Nike ‘swoosh’ symbol is a graphic representation of the noise made when one of the tracksuits starts rubbing between the thighs of one of these people.

10 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

In other news. Catherine Deveny captures the spirit of retro boganess beautifully in this well crafted article

http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/funderdome-the-bogan-big-day-out-20100209-nprj.html

10 02 2010
Bogue

OK, so we’ve now established that James Hunters’ real name is Scott…

10 02 2010
Simon

Snicker, come in late, has Fiona declined round 2 with big Jim?

10 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Surely you jest? And since when is “big” a synonym for “ingnorant illiterate”?

10 02 2010
Simon

Spell Check madam. Robbie, Loftie has stormed the ramparts of Fionas castle but been strongly repelled.

10 02 2010
Bogue

Well, the bait has been cast, but I think Scott’s mum has sent him to the shops to get some Winnie Blues. I’m sure there’ll be a return of the sporadic misspelt ramblings soon.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Fiona,
I am ytouched that you have stopped glugging to reply. I am also touched that you have spent so much time researching all of my better points.
I also suspect that you are also a little touched ??

10 02 2010
James Hunter

which scott you mean??
Hope not “Scott of the Antartic” ??

10 02 2010
Simon

Scott of Paralowie?

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Wow someone from South Australia
any mate of Mike Rann is a mate of mine.

10 02 2010
Simon

I would love to see Rann work in your show Jim.

10 02 2010
Bogue

…and I’m sure he will, next time he visits Cadell Correctional. I suspect South Australian taxpayers may be paying for someone’s internet connection.

10 02 2010
Simon

Carefull Bogue, he knows where you live. After he has hunted down Fiona and ravished her you may be next.

10 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Ravish? It’s spelled R.A.P.E.

10 02 2010
Simon

I didn’t want to alarm you unduly.

10 02 2010
Bogue

Oh don’t panic, remember why you got that drawbridge? And the intercom?? And 24/7 security??? And the CCTV???? And the panic room????? I know, it all seemed like status at the time.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Fiona,
I take all reasonable precautions so I warn you me very difficult person to rape, usually i submit lol though in your case i will resist if thats what you want??

10 02 2010
Bogue

There may have to be a ‘birds and the bees’ talk first.

10 02 2010
Simon

You’re not suggesting Fiona is naive are you? I’m sure Jim isn’t.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

is that like “where there be birds then there bee I”

10 02 2010
Simon

Does someone have a translator?

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Hey watch it… Yatallas the only place to go Hey??

Mind you we did do a tattoo show at the Old Adelaide Goal in 1999.

10 02 2010
Bogue

Correction facilities only for you, li’l fella. Off to be now…

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Simon, Mike Rann and Jane Lomax -Smith were both at a show we did for O-week and they were very appreciative.
Never did thjink to ask him.
While im in Melbourne recovering from the mutual ravishment with Fiona I could call Red Simon. He did help finish off the live Worms we were eating at Aust’s’ got Tallent. went real good wheras Dani Minouge squeeled and ran like we hav a basket of vipers!!

10 02 2010
Simon

Dani Minouge squeal, really, surprises me. I reckon Jane would be good with ping pong balls though.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

yep dani realy got a turn on

Jane Lomax – Smith
\ well ping pong balls …i guess with her teeth she could do base balls ??

10 02 2010
Nelson Esq

I just read the Catherine Deveny article before logging on to TBL. In typical Deveny fashion, while she had the opportunity to be funny she failed to capitalise…which is a terrible thing for someone who is (self) promoted as a comedy writer.

10 02 2010
Bogue

Well, she does write for The Age. Just as the truth is in the reporting, the comedy is in the observation obviously…don’t you get it?

10 02 2010
Nelson Esq

Oh, I get it. The fact that she actually writes for The Age is proof in itself of the rag the paper has become.

10 02 2010
Bogue

There’s probably more comedy in the headlines.

10 02 2010
AlyssaKT

And in the comments!

10 02 2010
Robbie

Fiona do you run tours through your castle in Toorak? (no sexual pun intended)

10 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. No, quite the opposite. The drawbridge is always, well, drawn!

10 02 2010
betterthantheoriginalwally

Too bad the troll escaped from the moat…

10 02 2010
Dean from Richmond

Fiona from Toorak is a genius and I have laffed and laffed at the trolling over at the herald sun website

10 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. The Editor, one too-big-for-his-boots Bernie Slattery has banned me. 😦

10 02 2010
Keeping Kosher Klansman

Do you condemn the Hun’s Fiona Prohibition as yet another case of Political Correctness Gone Mad?

Have your say.

10 02 2010
James

I do. It is definitely a case of political correctness gone mad. Its pathetic – the Herald Sun needs to get its facts straight aye.

10 02 2010
betterthantheoriginalwally

Admittedly, Fiona and Kevin from Double Bay do their best work in News Limited trash reads. Here however, it is the wrong audience for that kind of schtick. It comes off as boring and predictable. Its all about getting the right reaction from the clods and rationing it to make it look like the writers are doing more important things. Morons eat it all up with their packet pasta and party pies. 15 replies everyday with the same, old stuff falls flat pretty quick though here.

11 02 2010
Tone

In other words, obvious troll is obvious. Of course, the mouthbreathers that have their thoughts prepackaged and sold to them by News Corp wouldn’t know a troll if it came out from under a bridge, jumped in front of them and said ‘ooga booga booga’.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Fiona what you mean “quite the opposite”?
do you run tours of the outside world for castle dwellers”
maybe outsiders come in tours of the outside of the castle?
If the draw bridge is always drawn how you get out to Lygon street for Latte’s or to Toorak for tennis?, maybe thats what your 4X4 with the huge tyres and front mount winch is for?
very puzzeling and potentially very interesting

10 02 2010
Nelson Esq

Not sure whether this comment one belongs on today’s blog or under ‘Fashion Statements’…TBL T-Shirts with “Nookie. Just did it” printed on it.

10 02 2010
Sarah

Bogans or “lads”? Lads are bogan gangsters. Known for stripey shirts and silly caps with little footy shorts, bumbags, and Nikes, buck teeth, bumfluff moustaches, inability to get/hold jobs or contribute to society, and bad attitudes.

What about Nike+? This is the little transmitter that links your Nikes to your iphone so the shoes have an inbuilt pedometer (and no that doesn’t mean radar for bogan vigilantes to vandalise the house of innocent people who bear a passing resemblence to dennis ferguson).
WTF?

10 02 2010
Bogue

What a great idea, that way, both your iPhone and your Nikes can be reunited at Cash Converters!

10 02 2010
AJ

i would suggest that ‘lads’ are the midway point between hipsters and bogues. behind the hipster curve, ahead of the bogue. Pretty much an educated bogue with no prospenity for excessive violence, Xtremism or brand buying.

10 02 2010
Simon

I have been pondering on the X thing. Not being a bogan the amount of X’s out there had bypassed me as my radar did not go off but this blog has taught me so much. However when on Ch Nein (for Topgear) oh the shame- I saw an ad for the 20 – 1 show which simply slammed a graphic of Sex on the screen and the X was LARGE. Is this it taken to the extreme or simply common practice?Perhaps Uncanny X-men should make a comeback.

10 02 2010
Mezz

As we have now touched on the topic of bogan footwear of choice – When are we going to see a page dedicated to the bogans favourite piece of footwear, THE UG BOOT????

10 02 2010
Andrew

Naaah, that’s too easy. TBL (i thought) was meant to educate us on the emerging trends of the new bogan. Ugg boots, like having mullets, wearing flannel shirts and watching Australia’s Funniest Home Video Show and The Footy Show , are too much like classic bogan traits that don’t need to be written about because we all know them already.

10 02 2010
Bogue

But Andrew, you’ve overlooked the re-emergence of the tall ugg boot femme-bogue trend circa 2007-2008…truly bogan and in an entirely different context. Even now, in 40 degree heat, there’s probably a slightly outdated 20-something femme-bogue strutting around a mall in Reynella in a pair of said uggies.

10 02 2010
James

I had a student last year turned up to every tutorial wearing those. Does that mean the bogans are infiltrating our elite institutions of higher learning? Is nowhere safe from their influence?

10 02 2010
AJ

i would guess a number of these are the ‘old school’ country bogans that stay at the colleges

10 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I doubt you lecture at the University of Melbourne or the Australian National University, so you’re in no position to comment.

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Fiona,
What would you know of those edifices of academi?

you spelt their manes correctly so that a start
but please fill me in
I’m such a curious critter.

10 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I know that within the Australia context, they are quality tertiary institutions. Of course, they’re not quite up with the best in the world (where I completed my higher degree in the Classics.)

And you complimenting me on my spelling is somewhat ironic, don’t you think?

10 02 2010
James Hunter

Ah, Classics Hmmmmm such a useful majour and such a useful entre to employment??
Mind you as a “toorak Troll’ you have never ( chances are) had to work
no why you think it ironic that i complement u on spelling?? unless you doubt your own skills??

10 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. More like because when I make a spelling mistake, it’s a simple typo.

When you don’t, it’s a miracle.

12 02 2010
Bam

Ha! Gold.

11 02 2010
James

LOL indeed. It just so happens I do teach at ANU.

11 02 2010
James Hunter

my wife used to lecture at U.N.E does that count ??

10 02 2010
toony

Are you serious? Have you not heard of Engineering students?

10 02 2010
James Hunter

reckon Fiona is more in touch with students of “Human Relationships”
lol

10 02 2010
Indi

That revival had it all – celebrities spotted in an Aussie fashion ICON and Pamela Anderson’s endorsement included.

10 02 2010
Bogue

In Winter, make sure you wear ugg boots with your skimpy singlet and scarfe…don’t want to catch a cold.

The ugg boot trend was on fire when I was in Europe in 2007, which suggests it was a 2006 trend. By 2008 it had made its way South to the colonies, where it is diluted and fed to the masses via chains like Billabong and Barbed Wire. Yesterday’s catwalk classic is today’s bogue high fashion queen.

10 02 2010
Simon

Usually wearing low slung or folded over trackies that show butt crack beneath the muffin top and huge white sunnies, trailing fag ash, Britnee and Jaxxsun.

10 02 2010
Lee

I got rolled for my Jordans when I was in high school. They took my Stussy jacket too the cunts!

10 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Did you glass ’em?

10 02 2010
Lee

Alas glassing wasn’t really heard of in those days. No I ran for my life as there were six or seven of them. It took months of delivering papers and working for the milko to buy them shoes and I had them all of two weeks!

10 02 2010
Simon

A lesson in being aspirational Lee?

10 02 2010
Lee

It was a lesson, I learned the hard way that no matter how hard you work to earn the things you want, when you finally get them there will always be some filthy piece of shit waiting to take it from you, at any cost.

10 02 2010
Bam

Heres what I remember from my Bogan-tastic earlier years:

Everyday shoes – Adidas Romes. Wogs wore Adidas Officials.
Everyday shoes in winter – Ripples.
Going out shoes – Ciaks. Remember Ciaks? They were made of a sort of foam, with a seam running around the top. They had just one lace hole near the top. The soles would pick up every single piece of gravel and deposit it nicely on the floor of the Torana. Cream coloured Ciaks = Awesome.

I then graduated to just about every version of Air Max and Air Jordan. Reeboks were for girls.

Once the mid-90s hit, I sported Chuck Taylors. The 12 hole Docs were reserved for mosh-pit duties, as I lost too many Chuckies at gigs.

For the record, I now proundly wear thongs with bottle openers built into the soles. Sweet. Saves me opening my Budweisers with my cigarette lighter, even though they have a twist top.

I feel dirty.

10 02 2010
Simon

Have a shower Bam, your shoe history is awesome.

10 02 2010
brad

Ciaks to young for them but my older brother had a few pairs that looked good with a sharpie tail and an undersized school jumper

10 02 2010
Lee

Bam there is no need to feel dirty. I had the air max and jordans, I had a nice pair of 16 hole Docs that I found at vinnies, all the cool kids had 8 hole cherries. The wankers had reeboks and in particular the pumps.
I never wore chucks though for me it was Vision Street Wear in every imaginable print!

11 02 2010
Benjamin Hill

Those thongs wouldn’t be Mitre 10 thongs would they? The genius who thought of the idea should be given an MBE.

Ciaks were called desert boots at our school and I remember forgetting my Nike Air Jordan Pump Max and had to wear them for inter-school sports. Came second in the 100m final and 4th in the X-Country.

As for your Budweiser comment, they should never be opened.

11 02 2010
Bam

The thongs are the brainchild of a Champion Australian named Mick Fanning. He is the reigning world surfing champion and they are his signature model thong from a mob called Reef. A legend, a world champion, and yes, a Bogan.

I work overseas, and constantly amaze all sorts of people with this genius combination of Bogan footware/Bogan tool.

And yes, Budweiser should be opened when there is no alternative. Otherwise Coopers Pale is the only beer to drink.

And Ciaks are not Desert boots. Ciaks are Ciaks. If you know what they are, you cannot confuse then with anything else. Usain Bolt could not come second in the inter-school 100m in Ciaks. Desert boots…..Maybe.

Congratulations on the 4th in the X-country. Nearly got a ribbon. Sweet.

10 02 2010
Guinea pig

Shox : the Hummer of the athletic shoe market. Garish and arguably bereft of function.

What’s scary is that there are women out there who’ve purchased these or failed to return last year’s Valentine’s Day present from Dazza back to Sportsco. Dazza’s “slight of hand” may be a factor in the absence of proof of purchase.

10 02 2010
chris

it’s sleight of hand not slight

10 02 2010
Guinea pig

Apologies Chris, I believe I’ve just been ‘bogued’.

TBL #106 – eXpertise on all things.

10 02 2010
chris

you giving an opinon=TBL #106 – eXpertise on all things

10 02 2010
James Hunter

only if you do it right

10 02 2010
chris

#83- Supporting internet censorship, because they follow the media like sheep.

29 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

I’m guilty here, but only for basketball.

2 01 2011
Tamer

Holy Fuck!! Just checked out those starwars kicks FT. Must have the ATAT pair.THHAAANNNKKK YYYOOOUUUU!!!!!!

12 01 2011
Louie

TIP: Shox are the hardest shoes to get dog shit out of the tread.

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