#79 – Big Things

5 02 2010

To incite jealousy or admiration in a bogan, you don’t need to do something better than them, you just need to do it bigger. Bill Taylor realised this in 1971, when he purchased a modest 23 hectare pineapple farm. Rather than figuring out a way to grow a better tasting pineapple, he erected a 16 metre high fibreglass one out the front. 30 years later, it’s listed by the National Trust for its services to roadtripping bogans.

The Big Pineapple is not a one-off, it is part of a curious set of oversized objects scattered around the nation. They include big oranges, big Merinos, big bottles, and big barramundis. Devised by clever businesspeople as a lure for bogan bucks, installing a big thing outside a place of roadside commerce has proven to be genius. Indeed, the bogan has come to see these big things in a similar light to the Egyptians with their pyramids – majestic and mysterious monuments to their ancestors. In the case of Australia’s big things, however, it is usually a tribute to a bogan 20 or 30 years their senior, who is an old fag because they don’t have a Southern Cross tattoo.

Typically, a local district’s big thing relates to a local crop or industry. The visiting bogan has no interest in sampling the local delicacy massively immortalised in concrete and fibreglass, for it filled up on an upsized Quarter Pounder meal out on the freeway 30 minutes prior, and is suspicious of unprocessed food. It will, however, insist that one of its friends take a witty perspective-based photograph that gives the illusion of the bogan holding, pushing, humping, or devouring the big thing in question. The bogan rarely misses an opportunity to visit a big thing, and is convinced that the more of them it sees, the better it will understand itself and its country. The bogan is not interested in the fact that big things are not a uniquely Australian phenomenon, and is likely to regard anyone suggesting so with a combination of confusion and loathing. Australia’s first big thing (the Big Banana) was inspired by a big pineapple in Hawaii in the early 1960s.

With this patriotic ritual concluded, the bogan is now ready to spin its Chevrolet’s wheels in the carpark, and blast the newest Ministry of Sound Annual out of its open windows until it finds the nearest freeway onramp.


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171 responses

5 02 2010
djm

I’m not sure about this one, Big Things are a little too paleo-bogan. Since when do neobogans drive to country locations? They are usually cramming themselves onto Tiger Direct flights while swearing profusely about the lack of service.

There are still occasions where the modern bogan will find itself on freeways. The bogan, while very fond of discount airlines, is unable to cause jetski nuisances in new locations unless it hitches it to its vehicle. Also, bogan-loved locations such as Noosa, Cairns, Phillip Island, Tweed Heads, Surfer’s Paradise, Southport, Coffs Harbour, and Port Macquarie are home to big things. TBL

5 02 2010
Tone

Funny you should say that, TBL. Most Big Things do tend to be within reasonable proximity to places where bogans enjoy congregating with jet skis in tow, as Big Things have a tendency to be either near the coast or major inland waterways.

5 02 2010
Anonymous Bosch

I’m not sure either. I tend to associate these with Old Cockies rather than Bogans: people who drive dusty 60’s Land Rovers and read Footrot Flats and Ettamoogah Pub cartoons. The ‘wacky perspective photos’ addressed here seem to be much-loved by University Kids on Facebook too.

Where does the Bogan definition stop? I tend to associate it with The Suburbs. Whilst the Country B&S and Ute-Driving brigade share some superficial similarities, they also seem to be a different type of breed, for a lot of the things on this list wouldn’t appeal to them at all.

5 02 2010
Bogue

I have it on good authority that ‘big things’ are also popular amongst touring musicians, quite often fueled by alcohol or mind altering drugs, whilst passing through the local area. These very same people would often be considered ‘fags’ or ‘weirdos’ by the bogan populous (who, never having seen a live original band, would not know what a musician looks like regardless), and therefore, be the total opposite to a bogan. Additionally, do ‘silver gypsys’ also fall under the boan monicker?

I also concur that a nouveau bogue would not be caught dead in the country, unless returning home to visit their parents.

5 02 2010
Indi

Grey nomads – case by case on the bogan scale. However, the aspiration ‘to travel around Australia (first)’ is definitely bogan as is the statement ‘all cities are just the same’.

5 02 2010
Linda

I agree about the tiger flights.

how many bogues do you see drive to goulburn or whereever it is to see the big marino sheep?

5 02 2010
j-ho

“The visiting bogan has no interest in sampling the local delicacy massively immortalised in concrete and fibreglass, for it filled up on an upsized Quarter Pounder meal out on the freeway 30 minutes prior, and is suspicious of unprocessed food.”

This made me chuckle…

5 02 2010
Gav

The Big Banana does a mean frozen chocolate coated banana with nuts if you’re ever in the area..

5 02 2010
pominoz

Is that some kind of jail slang!

5 02 2010
Lis

It would probably be better if it was jail slang. Disgusting things – and yes I did try one as a kid.

5 02 2010
Lis

The frozen banana – not jail.

5 02 2010
Nitpick

What’s a jail? Is it similar to a correctional facility or gaol?

6 02 2010
Martz

Given the High Court of Australia uses the spelling “jail”, I think it should be accepted by even the most pedantic of pedants that, quaint as it is, “gaol” is now defunct.

8 02 2010
Nitpick

No they don’t and shame on you. All prisons in Australia are still referred as gaols. Just because the media uses Americanized slang like most Bogans does not mean it correct.

8 02 2010
clairebbbear

It’s more than the media that uses it. “Jail” is the correct spelling according to the Victorian Department of Justice style guide.

“Gaol” is only used in a historical sense to refer to (usually closed) correctional facilities e.g. Old Melbourne Gaol, Adelaide Gaol.

“Jail” is also the correct spelling in the ABC style guide.

P.S. I also found it funny that you spelled “Americanised” the Americanised way. But then, I like irony.

8 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Epically won. I salute you madam.

5 02 2010
Bec

Coffs Harbour: home to the first Bluth Frozen Banana.

5 02 2010
j-ho

Hehe, I thought of that when I saw this post.

5 02 2010
Gav

now that’s an interesting idea, what are the chances the big banana is just a front to hide money Bluth style – “there’s always money in the Banana Stand”

5 02 2010
j-ho

George senior is hiding out there, thus the reason for the shows cancellation

5 02 2010
Mark

There’s a movie coming out…bogans won’t see it, AD is a show they mightve once watched briefly on Channel 7 late one night when Sports Tonight had a commercial break, or maybe ignored pleas from their hipster friend to watch the show on DVD, because they’d never heard of it

5 02 2010
Gav

Or is the movie rumour just a free plug / reminder about the box set dvds? It has been ‘coming soon’ for a very long time..

5 02 2010
j-ho

And I don’t think Will Arnett is going to be in it. That would make it null and void in my opinion.

8 02 2010
Carlos the Jackal

Is it worth mentioning that the Bluths were also building McMansions? Or at least giving the appearance that they were…

5 02 2010
Keeping Kosher Klansman

Nice. Cheers for the Ministry of Sound reference. Once staunch haters of the “doof-doof” have managed to embrace it wholeheartedly. How the devil does it happen? The bright, shiny colours? A subtle shift in branding? An inexplicable gradual acceptance? The fact it’s played at Jagerbomb-sponsored dance parties where they can pick up last year’s designer drug? Daft Punk remix Kings of Leon??

Uh, may have answered own question with subsequent series of questions…

Dear Sir, we shall endeavour to respond to your worthy queries in the form of next Monday’s entry. Regards, TBL

20 10 2010
Abrhum

I witnessed the beginning of bogan doof acceptance years ago at a club when a garden variety bogan slurred to me, “I love me techno mate. Are ya eggin?”

5 02 2010
StuManChu

I wonder how long until a savvy Bogue runs with this idea…

http://www.phallus.is/

I’m guessing it’d be constructed over a display home (see: McMansion) in an outer suburban housing development as a lure for young bogue males to venture out to have that witty perspective-based photograph taken.

5 02 2010
Simon

I need a shower now Stu.

5 02 2010
rockmad

nope sorry don’t agree with this one it seems lately than everything in life is bogan according to TBL. Next will be 3D movies.

5 02 2010
Simon

Now that you mention it!

5 02 2010
Gorey

3D HD TV, actually!

5 02 2010
Mezz

I stumbled across this site yesterday and it is absolutely brilliant. Will become a daily dose of sad but somewhat true hilarity for me. Thankyou all!

5 02 2010
coq_roq

Bro im leb n i love “Big Things”…..i love getting huge, love driving a huge v8 fully lowered to the ground with huge 21 inch rims, chromed of course. i like big women, with big busty boobs and arse, like my girlfriend Toula. I love my Toula, hi baby, look at me im on the internet, im famous.

5 02 2010
Paddington

That’s “interwebs” to you.

5 02 2010
WordNerd

Well, they are movies to the XTREME.

5 02 2010
Simon

Actually the 3d depends on context. I saw Coraline in 3d and it was great but no bogue would go to that movie. Avatar on the other hand……..

Coq roq rocks.

5 02 2010
Going bogue

So popular = bogan?

Thought Avatar, despite apparently being bogan, was about 1000 times better than Anchorman or any true bogan film.

5 02 2010
Simon

May be true, have not seen it, won’t stand in line with people with popcorn boxes bigger than their head and enough coke to fill the Murray again.

5 02 2010
brad

is going too a multi-complex cinema bogan?

5 02 2010
Simon

Not necessarily Brad, as has been said before it all comes down to “how you roll”. And what movie you are seeing.

5 02 2010
djm

Also, good observation on the neobogan’s love of Ministry of Sound. It still burns me that bogans could have so completely co-opted what was once an interesting but fairly unfashionable musical subcuture and utterly debase it.

5 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Agree, I got the 2000 and 2001 MoS Annuals and they were extremely good, now I hear bogans have taken this to their hearts. Ow Fuck :(.

Not being a great modern rock band aficionado of the naughties, I only just caught up with Sex on Fire by KoL the other day.

What a s.hite piece of obvious dross. Fair Dinkum, has the bogan really taken this heart – tell me it aint so.

Oh the humanity

5 02 2010
Bazza

Isn’t that the bogan raison d’être?

I’ve just simply stopped liking things. That way, nothing can get ruined, and it also makes my opinions somehow more valid… such is the way of the internet.

5 02 2010
shazza

If ever you needed further evidence this is a bogan phenomenon channel 7 provides it. Mel and Koshi’s attempt to save the Big Prawn, which sits atop some building somewhere on the East coast was embarrasingly bogan.
( Yes, I had Sunrise on. It was just the once, I was busy with something and hadn’t noticed until the Save The Big Prawn campaign caught my attention.)

5 02 2010
berihebi

I have a dream to construct a Big Bogan Theme Park on the highway just north of Brisbane. Apart from the 10 metre high bogan (southern cross tatoo and giant flag draped around neck) there will be a mini-golf course (alcohol allowed), go-cart track (alcohol allowed) and cable-ski lake (alcohol allowed) . If I can get approval I’d also consider a ‘do it yourself’ abattoir (you choose it, you stun it, you kill it, you cut it) with a ‘do it yourself’ bbq beer garden out back.

5 02 2010
Indi

Animal cruelty concerns aside (‘Look an idiot with a bolt-gun!’), the DIY abbattoir is far too real for the nouveau-bogue. Too much blood and shit and offal, and they’d have no idea what to do with the carcass. Their only interest is in ‘pink-in-plastic’ as the Brits call supermarket meat.

5 02 2010
Lee

Couldn’t agree more Indi, the NAB is scared of blood and guts and animals and shit.

8 02 2010
Carlos the Jackal

Hmmm, a DIY Abbatoir at Boganland. I suspect a lot of the people that participate in that attraction will probably just end up cutting themselves horribly – especially if it’s an alcohol allowed attraction. Still unsure if that’ll be a good thing or a bad thing…

Perhaps you could even recreate the Big Brother house and have that as an attraction (alcohol most definitely allowed)…

5 02 2010
Trina

Dear TBL…

I notice that in every other post or so, someone responds by saying ‘I don’t know about that one…’. Obviously this occurs in situations where you have hit upon a particular habit or secret sin of said person, which makes them question their non-bogan status. I personally think boganism can be measured on a sliding scale. I suspect most people have engaged in the odd bogan behaviour from time to time. For example, I had my photograph taken in front of the giant fruit saland in Cornwall, New Zealand and I don’t mind the odd game of poker…I do, however, find most other aspects of boganism abhorrent. I don’t have a tramp stamp or a southern cross tattoo, I love travelling but have never been to Bali and I don’t drink rum, vodka cruisers or listen to AC/DC. Where do you draw the line? Have you ever thought of producing a survey for people to determine whether they are a bogan or not?
Or are we just all bogans and don’t know it???

Anyway, just a question…love your work and I intend to keep reading even if I am a bogan!

5 02 2010
berihebi

“Or are we just all bogans and don’t know it???”

Yes, except for me.

5 02 2010
Simon

Trina all of us have a bit of bogan in us (except Fiona). Love the idea of some form of bogan meter, hop to it TBL please.

5 02 2010
Mezz

Yeah – The Online Bogueometer. Brilliant!

5 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Despite Loftie’s ambitions, I’ve never had a bit of bogue in me.

5 02 2010
Simon

Fiona, you saucy minx.

5 02 2010
Loftie

but secretly Fiona does long for a bit of Bogue…

If only to slightly connect to the ‘lesser’ people in society…

Something that the servents, the multiple pools, the fashion in NY and Europe, and all the beauty appointments in Toorak can’t cater for….

😉

Anytime Fiona – I’m here…

5 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Good. And stay there. As I am not.

5 02 2010
Simon

You are wearing her down Loftie.

5 02 2010
Bogue

Where’s that confounded BQ test?

5 02 2010
Paul Attics

Fiona has had bogan in her. She just didn’t realise as they were facing the same way.

5 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. The dance of the beast with a front and a back? Nevetheless, thou art wrongeth.

5 02 2010
Gav

This has been a debate amongst my friends long before this website came about. In the end I think it comes down to HOW you go about these actions.. ie playing poker with friends is not a bogan activity, but playing as was described in yesterdays post is bogan. Stop-revive-survive-ing at the big banana is not bogan, but doing burnouts and getting the phallic banana photo is..

5 02 2010
Simon

Gav, you have distilled the essence perfectly, good work son.

5 02 2010
Pete

People who say “You’ve missed the mark with this one” etc are themselves invariably missing the point.

If this site was called “Things Bogans Exclusively Like” they might have an argument, but it isn’t and they don’t.

I find the actual topics posted hereabouts are generally like giant blocks of boganic granite, from which our esteemed TBL writers expertly chip away at thus revealing big, ugly, X-TREME statues of todays bogues!

5 02 2010
betterthantheoriginalwally

Relax Trina, relax. Most Australian (and NZ) 20-40 somethings grew up in the suburbs. We were raised amongst bogans, went to high school with them and may have even had our first sexual encounter with one. It is impossible to go through our lives without something we love being ruined by bogans. Every reader has said “Uh-oh” at one time or another opening this site each weekday morning. The thing is that bogans like to destroy good things by wanting to be part of its image – not actually understanding anything about it. Designer drugs, once great – now ruined by douchebags, Thailand, once beautiful – now boganised, Laneway Festival, once quirky and unknown – now a suburban scarefest.

The best way to know if you are a bogan is to ask yourself “Did I get into something popular that soon became unpopular really quick?” If you answer yes, and can name about a dozen different examples, it is time to worry.

5 02 2010
FT

“The best way to know if you are a bogan is to ask yourself “Did I get into something popular that soon became unpopular really quick?” If you answer yes, and can name about a dozen different examples, it is time to worry.”…

I’m assuming (read “hoping”) this comment does not refer to childhood fads like slap-bands, elastics, friendship bracelets and choose your own adventure books… if it does, I’m screwed! 🙂

5 02 2010
James

Children at least have the excuse of being children FT. Once you pass the age of about 21, what possible excuse could you have?

5 02 2010
FT

Fair point. In that case, I consider myself to be off the hook… even though I do own a Pandora bracelet (which, in my defence, was givento me as a gift).

5 02 2010
Bec

Everyone has a bogan love. I saw poker nights, had a laugh because it’s scarily apt, and moved on.

5 02 2010
shazza

I prefer to say, everyone has a love that bogans also claim.

5 02 2010
Loretta

Another big place to visit is the chocolate factory in Tasmania. Bogan friends on package deal went there for a couple of years for annuals. Bought back enough choc to fill giant fridge. One conversation I recall (addressed to their 6 year old), “leave that shit alone JD and come eat your KFC”. They stop going to Tassie because of verbals with other guests in a tree-hugger resort included in package. Out of their element I guess and JD was a junior bogan monster.

8 02 2010
Carlos the Jackal

I’m presuming you mean the Cadbury factory in Claremont, since the Anvers factory just out of Latrobe is too fancy and high-brow for the average bogan (though still a source of seconds-grade chocolate in bulk quantities).

5 02 2010
I point and laugh at you

Australia may not have started the “Big Things” phenomenon, but once we got wind of the idea we certainly took to it! Check the link below for some of Australia’s BIG THINGS-

http://www.wilmap.com.au/bigstuff/default.htm

5 02 2010
Rob

I’d rather not.

5 02 2010
Toddo

I had visiting the big Ram in Wagin, W.A
My kids were screaming “look Dad, a sheep!!!!” and I would slow down, and ask “where???, I can’t see one” or say “quick, we better tell the farmer his sheep is out”.
Ahh… Dad jokes. Making family life worthwhile.
Big things make a trip from A; (Perth) to B;(friends house in country) enjoyable for families.
This country needs more big things.

5 02 2010
AJ

you must have driven close to my home town. home of the big willy, willy wag tail that is.

5 02 2010
Mezz

I remember a skit on Fast Forward a few yrs ago with “Bogue” magazine and adorning the cover were the Fast Forward resident bogans Michelle & Ferret. I imagine “Bogue” mag would be full of all these things mentioned on this site. Feature stories would include Australias BIG icons and a guide to the best Southern Cross tattoists.

5 02 2010
JimmyMac

Don’t forget the Institoot de Bo-Tay and House of Hair Removal.

5 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Big things go hand in hand with the universal bogan repose – “Biggest in the Souther Hemisphere” – like that really means something and gives the item in question some gravitas and prestige.

Considering about 10% of the worlds population live in the Southern Hemisphere and the majority of those are Sth American poverty stricken peasants, just about anything, built, grown, or produced in Australia will be “biggest, best, faniest, most expensive, or longest” thing/building/product/hole in the ground/ eyesore – in the Southern Hemisphere.

5 02 2010
Simon

I remember going to an Adelaide Crows game many years ago and the ground anouncer was spruiking that at the ground was, wait for it, “The worlds biggest Crows merchandise shop”. Laugh, I nearly died. Where the f..k else would want a crows merchandise shop let alone be able to compete on scale. I still love to give the rest of my family (crows fans) grief about that one.

5 02 2010
Indi

All without the slightest idea of what might exist in Chile, Argentina or Brazil – and who would bother to challenge such pathetic claims?

5 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Bogans know what a Brazil is. It has soccer players and bald crotches.

5 02 2010
Indi

I had to suppressed a guffaw the other day overhearing from a distance, a teacher say:
‘We are encouraging our students to have resilience’

5 02 2010
James Hunter

most of the women v known seem to like the biggest

5 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Apparently you’ve got the “Biggest in the Southern Hemisphere”, is this true?

5 02 2010
Indi

James, walking into a door with your foot and a shotgun in your mouth is quite an achievement. I leave the more obvious ribbing to others.

5 02 2010
James Hunter

West mel antibog and Indi
Thank you ,,thank you,, its grand to have an appreciative audience
Indi you my kinda gal
West mel… you been reading my press ..cheers

5 02 2010
Muz

Big plasma. The bigger the better.

No money for food, fuck off big TV though.

5 02 2010
James

Why buy a tv when you can get it 18 months no payments interest free? That way the starvation doesn’t start until at least 18 months later.

6 02 2010
Apple Pie

yeah for sure. Big Plasma HD 108i, 95 foot long, throw in a HD set top box with PVR and DVD Recorder. Nothin down and nothin to pay for a least 6 years. Shit.. don’t Bert Newton and even the Harvey Norman commercials look great on this mother!! …life is grand, ain’t it ?

5 02 2010
Robbie

I was under the impression that Indi was a guy…..

5 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

I think Big Jim Hunter would like indi to be his girl 🙂

5 02 2010
Robbie

in a ‘Jail House Rock’ kinda way 😛

5 02 2010
Indi

Nah, in a classic bogan ‘Treat’em mean Keep’em keen’ kinda way! ‘The biggest? The biggest loser, etc, etc.’

Cyberspace can play tricks in people.

5 02 2010
Robbie

hahaha…funny
Xtremly FUNNNNYYYYY!!!!!!…?:!! 🙂

5 02 2010
Simon

I’m confused, why all the dick jokes?

5 02 2010
James Hunter

Simon, YOU ask “why all the dick jokes”??????
Indi go check my web site http://www.circusbizarre.com.au ……………………………
“you never ,never, know if you never , never go” (appologies to N.T. Tourist Comm)
Actually i always believe:
“Treat em kindand they’ll stay mine”
bugger , guess that rules me out !!

5 02 2010
Simon

James,

I have not cracked one yet (damn, have now). You are a very talented man.

5 02 2010
Indi

There was I, thinking I was mixing a metaphor cocktail, but it was just your job description. For the record, Robbie’s right, so don’t pine for what never was. Love to see your OH&S manual.

5 02 2010
shazza

In saw Jim Rose when in Canberra many moons ago. Is your show a copy of that act James Hunter?

5 02 2010
James Hunter

Shazza,
15 odd years ago Jim Rose show was a motivating force. at the show that I saw I also met “Matty Blade” the sword swallower. Did some 12/15 is shows as assistant to Matty. Matt mooved to WA and I went to Malaysia managing an engineering project and after doing some little gigs in Malaysia(just to keep sane) when I returned to Adelaide(which is where we were then) Started My own show. Had help from Dick Dale (of Trasharama fame). a lot of what we do is derivative and some goes back to Matty and some to “Ancient “India and asian preformers.
some is just “Magic” and if we tell you how we have to kill you.
Mind you Adelaide fringe 2006 was a hoot when we had thousands(it seemed like millions) believing I realy ate a live mouse.
“but if you watched a magician cut a woman in half with a saw would you expect to find a big blue bin out the back full of bums and legs??”
well no,,,,, but we saw you do it>>>>>>
most recent was a trip to Italy last easter to defend my guinness record for cutting 26 watermelons in half in one minute on the bare stomach of my female assistant.

Next up ?
who knows. we do do private and corporate parties round Newcastle which is my nearest city these days.

Hope this answeres your questions and interest.

5 02 2010
shazza

I know Matty. He busks in Freo every weekend. A really short tempered bastard with a big chip on his shoulder.

5 02 2010
James Hunter

Shazza,
Sounds like the Matty I knew.
Classic short mens Syndrome.
nice enough in his own way .working with him a bit like working with a bride at a wedding.
be carefull not to step on the train or vale
In mattys case his ego was like both. and for sure don step on it.
all said I still like to think of Matty as a friend.
AND HE IS ONE SERIOUS Tallent !!!!!!

5 02 2010
Mezz

So when are we going to explore the bogans affinity for Jerry Springer?

5 02 2010
Loftie

I thought that show was dead…

Along with Rikki Lake, Judge Judy, and other dole-bludgers favourites….

5 02 2010
James Hunter

Indi,
u realy break me up ,in a nice kinda way,of course, but please what is an OH&S manual??
Done lotsa things manual but this one beats the …. outa me.
Oh and this metaphor thingy with the cocks tail is that a result of GM or radiation or something or is it a simile ?? You being the kind of person i reckon you have to be Im sure u get my disambiguation ??

5 02 2010
j-ho

You really don’t know what a OH&S manual is?

5 02 2010
James Hunter

well yes i do
bit afraid to say my comment was toung in cheek !!!

5 02 2010
Indi

Occupational Health & Safety Manual. You’d probably have to wear a fluoro vest and a helmet.

A mixed metaphor is when your imagery runs away from you: eg. If we hit that target the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. It’s a big no-no, unless you’re writing a character who is a Queensland politician.

But who could resist a cocktail of that name? “Darling, mix me a Metaphor, would you?”

5 02 2010
Simon

Indi,

Go to James’s web site again. I was pretty sure he had a helmet.

Mixed metaphor could be an entry all of it’s own, especially sports related.

5 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

James’s last dates on his website were at the BogAdelaide Fringe Festival in 2006.

Been at a loose end for 4 years Big Jim? or have you been either

a) glassing cunts
b) working in the mines
c) both

for the past four years?

5 02 2010
James Hunter

westy, many appologies for out of date web site.
presently working on up date which will be in place some time round mid year.
lots a things been changing quickly and often so needed to be sure of our new crew and consensual directions.

5 02 2010
Indi

Your eyes are better than mine, but no fluoro in evidence. My friends in the TAFE system for have a disc-o-risk which might come in handy.

5 02 2010
Simon

Indi,

I think you made a spelling mistake. It is dick not disc. And yes James crack does need an entry in so many ways.

5 02 2010
James Hunter

Indi, u and i are on the same team so how bouts we start some circumlocution to balance the tautology and for the gogans (sic) some verbosity, since the later is the more redilly fueled by VB ( thats an Acronyn like OH&S) (ssory the parenthesis are for the bogs ,not for you Indi)

happy hunting

5 02 2010
Robbie

I am speechless…I am without speech

5 02 2010
James Hunter

My lady seems to be of the opinion that one large and defining comon denominator with the bogan class id BUM CRACKS definitely BIG BUM CRACKS.

5 02 2010
Indi

So many wonderful terms: builder’s/plumber’s crack, coin slot, and the always popular bike rack.

To say nothing of the joke about any larger celebrity being caught at the airport with twenty pounds of crack in their undies.

5 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

In other news

Harvey Norman continues to fleece the bogan with great success.

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/business/harvey-norman-sales-recover/story-e6frfh4f-1225827168202

5 02 2010
James Hunter

Ah yess… Exacerly
Harvey norman or Hardly Normal as we call em.
Domayne Hardlys wife
Joyce Mayne (Mainly WHAT??)
Radio Rentals.
Betta Electricals
these people and the pirahanas that provide the credit like GE credit
They all provide credit and in fact coerse people into it who have not a snowballs chance in hell of ever paying for the goods.
They should all be taken out and shot ( and will when I am emperor)
Go to any magistrates court and observe.

The above companies are the main people and the unemployed, the socially / economically/ lowerclass are the victims.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

.

5 02 2010
Tubesteak

No point shooting them. Blame the idiots that buy things they know are out of their price range

There’s a sucker born every second. A fool and his money are soon parted. No point protecting the stupid from themselves

5 02 2010
Keeping Kosher Klansman

Looks like we got ourselves a military JHunta a-transpirin’ here at TBL. Ready yourselves people – Fiona of Toorak’s iron fist may well be a thing of the past in the wake of this upstart despot.

5 02 2010
James Hunter

I am soooo thrilled. realy did not know i had soooo many supporters.
ooooh goooody gum drops.
kiss kiss possums.

5 02 2010
Nelson Esq

Of all the big things, I love the big beer outside the Grand Ridge Mircobrewery in Mirboo North (in bogan hotbed Gippsland)!

‘Ting ting’…there goes the bogometre up another notch!

5 02 2010
Indi

Two Big Trouts – Adaminaby and Oberon- is a strange coincidence.

A contender for the worst is the Big Potato in Robertson- even residents will tell you it looks like a big turd.

5 02 2010
Lee

As in Robertson at the top of macquarie pass? If so I havent seen it but I get there via albion park, up the pass and back down agian.

8 02 2010
Indi

That’s the one.

5 02 2010
Lee

There is also a big trout in Gore, NZ.

5 02 2010
Jaiydein

Me too, well, I do enjoy drinking the beer.

5 02 2010
brad

you seem too know a lot about Gippsland Nesq,c’mon fess up what bogan hell-hole did you escape from so as you could become the shining diamond you are today? -Moe?,Morwell,Trafalgar?,Drouin perhaps?

33

.

5 02 2010
Peter

Not sure if it has or has not already been entered into this hall of shame, but there’s the Big Pie at Yatala, in QLD. Yatala pies are the goodness though. Or they were during the 80s when I ate cow.

5 02 2010
Philip

Theres also a big lobster near Robe in South Australia

6 02 2010
Robbie

There’s also a BIG ode to Boganity in Penrith called “Penrith Panthers – world of entertainment”…it’s bigger than some casinos with triple the bogan enzyme power.

7 02 2010
nauseated

Please do a post about Pixie Photo and the cruel outfits and poses Bogue’s inflict upon their offspring.

7 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Yes, and the “competitions” people in the lesser shopping centres enter to “win” a glamour photo to hang in a highly public place in their McMansion.

Oh, wait: https://thingsboganslike.wordpress.com/2009/11/24/32-glamour-photography/

7 02 2010
James Hunter

Fiona, the nearest to toorak iv been is St Kilda , for Aust.got tallent. nice nosheries round thje bay,
anyways
The worst and most bogan part of the Pixie Photo syndrome gig is the reproduction of the brats into fau tortise shell ( or similarly high tone )frames. These are then given to relatives ( who couldnt give a toss) as a sign.
What sort of sign I dont know. one is expected to keep them on prominent display incase the offending parent or brat ever darkens one’s stope in the future,
spose one is expected to espouse the parents as the fecund saviour of australias population decline and the brats as Tooraks answere to the death of Einstein and Oppenhimer

Grrrrrr
please excuse the typos, me 63 and stste school educated so am obviously illiterate and too lazy to fix things ??????????

7 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Or, more likely, you visited that den of iniquity (St Kilda) to “score” some drugs, succeeded, took them and then came on here and “wrote” down whatever dribbled out of your “brain”.

7 02 2010
James Hunter

well , well fiona,
seem like your not too fmilar with too rack either.
maybe tis a place high on your bogan list of things/places to aspire to ??
oh by way of ps you only got to look at the respective ratings of the top state schools wityh most of the silverspoon “elite ” schools and see … you don’t “get what you paid for”
but then.. aspirations are a dangerous guide for preformance.
ask any woman who’s married a toorak farmer??
Q.E.D.

7 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Well, of course I was educated in a European school and then went on to receive a higher degree in the Classics.

FYI, that’s a greater achievement than your 5th grade state school education.

7 02 2010
James Hunter

well hush my mouth, I only spent my working lifee as a mechanical engineer specializing in special purpose machinery design and differential daignosis. in between times I gained membership to Australian Institute of Management and teh Marketing Institute of Australia
and the Society of Mechanical Engineers, and the Life Underwriters Association of Australia.
But asside from that I did learn that an “Education” in the classics ment Jack S..t in the real world, a place you may find enlightenment or entertainment from a visiting. ???

7 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. So, you had to work for a living? Poor you.

8 02 2010
Carlos the Jackal

You could also post about Studio 2000 and all tho other outfits that bogans move onto when they’re too old for Pixi-Foto and the like…

7 02 2010
nauseated

Ahhh…a brilliant and satisfying read.

Thanks Fi.

7 02 2010
James Hunter

Ah, Fiona,
one small matter,
as per BOGAN Spagetti Western
“Don’t take a knifer to a gunfight”

7 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Why would I do that? I’d just have a second take my place.

7 02 2010
James Hunter

yep the insecures way to do battle, send some one who know what they doing.
whats the bet your grand poppy was a pommy general who rejoyced in sending aussie volunteers to their death in the WWI trenches ??

7 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Yet another comment that confirms you as a bogue-extraordinaire: https://thingsboganslike.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/33-the-australian-victory-at-gallipoli/

7 02 2010
James Hunter

do notice you did not say i had it wrong ??

7 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Well, what other use could the bogan of yore be put to? Barely literate, unable to understand anything but the simplest of concepts (much like yourself), so “over the top” it was.

Wonderful job your boys did for the Empire too. Allowed our chaps to escape the main firing line and go on to win the war(s).

7 02 2010
James Hunter

our chaps???
Fiona best thing you can do for all of us is go back whence your family came
that way you may find some one who appreciates the attitudes you espouse.
By

7 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I’m already there! I live in Toorak you doddering old fool.

7 02 2010
James Hunter

Fiona ifn you were me,while thanking god your not, I would be very discrete abnout where you live.
All those despicable bogans and their officers(of whom my dad was one) might come and extract revenge for Fromelles ??
after all they and their ilk provide the security for you to ponce about feeling fufilled.

No wonder I an A -religious

7 02 2010
James Hunter

fiona … News Flash… people who work for a living make all the things yopu take for granted.
In other words you be PARASITE

7 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. News flash. People like me make the investments that give people like you the chance to earn your meagre wages. That way you can afford (barely) to make the repayments on your McMansions and on the household products you buy from Harvey Norman.

7 02 2010
James Hunter

fiona, what make you supose thast i would dein to buy anythin from Hardly normal ??

what make you think ( esp after the debacle of the great american/ financial/ bank thingy) that you parasitically making money for doing nothing other then making you and your house staff feel (not the reality) secure?? is a uyseful and justifiable life persuite??
bet you pappy told you
wow
im so awed
excuse me mu stomach not as educated as yours,,, i gotta go puke

7 02 2010
James Hunter

Looks like that high brow school ( or is it thick brow) didnt even teach you how to read ??
or was it ther use of an obscure word like “dein”…..??
I dont mind being attacked for what I say. BUT you infering ,in spite of my clear comment, that I WOULD BUY ANYTHING from Hardly Normal……..that I cannot stomach. O.K.

7 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Why are you replying to yourself?

PS – your use of “dein” did stump me a little. Did you mean “deign”? Such a sad indictment of the education provided by the Australian state.

7 02 2010
James Hunter

Ah fiona ah fiona you and your classics,, must have been taught by a specialist classics teacher. woolen twinset, shorts long socks and roman sandles ??
Any way:
Dein goes back to old saxon and was current in Northumberland in the 1880’s and as a northern dailect word in 2005

maybe in the 1880s your great great grand poppy was having his bum wiped buy ( you got it )bum wipers and was thus removed from the sordid realities of life.
If he learned the language of the day he would have been more then familiar with the word and its application.
Do you not think??

7 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You remember a word from the 1880’s? I didn’t think you were THAT old, but I suppose you’re doddering enough to make it so.

You can’t seriously think your technical education is worthy of comparison to my vast store of knowledge on Proto-Indo-European languages? You are barely literate in modern English!

7 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Your education and work background marks you as a classic customer of Harvey Norman.

I do have one question for you though. Did you get the Al Fresco option on your McMansion and if so, did you fill it with wicker “furniture” from Harvey Norman?

7 02 2010
Lee

Oh James you have been had by the troll, hook line and sinker and still fighting!

7 02 2010
James Hunter

lee go to 19;35;22 well above and then rethink ??
asside, anyone being done by a troll would have to be an accident ??

7 02 2010
Lee

My bad James, it is always the one you overlook that explains the most!

7 02 2010
James Hunter

lee with my real world education i may have to ask for a recess to allow time to understand such a deep and meaningful comment ??

8 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You forgot “… and losing and embarrassing yourself.”

8 02 2010
Loftie

Wow I turned up to this one a little late…. 😉

8 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Poor chivalry on your behalf. I shan’t forget…

8 02 2010
Loftie

oh my fair maiden Fiona, you certainly had him covered…

Just beware should you follow James’ link, you might see some things that aren’t for such a woman as yourself to see…

8 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Of course I did. It was like playing with a small piece of fluff. Annoying, but hardly taxing.

7 02 2010
shazza

Lee,

James is from the old school. Trolls live under bridges and eat goats.

James, google blog troll to understand what we’re talking about.

7 02 2010
James Hunter

shazza,
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel one thing for sur i dont haver to google “GOAT’ with you standing there to find what it means ????

8 02 2010
reparty

Phew. I thought that goatse was going to come into this. For teh lulz.

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