#78 – André Rieu

4 02 2010

André is not the first of his kind, indeed the bogan was charmed 15 years ago by Vanessa-Mae, an attractive young violinist who plonked techno beats over Bach, Classical Gas, and some other stuff. She went on to cultivate x-tremeness by playing on a Prince project titled “Xpectation”. Her ability to cater to the ADHD market’s desire to seem sophisticated was successful, setting her up for life.

In a provincial town in the Netherlands, a middle aged man was surfing the internet, and saw what Vanessa-Mae had done. “I wish to extract much cashmoney from the bogan also”, he said to himself, “but how can I do this when I am not a sultry young woman?” André pondered this further, and clicked his clogs together with glee when he realised that there might just be a way. “Am I not a slightly rogue looking, well dressed gent with a regional orchestra and a cynical mind?” André muttered to nobody in particular. With no responses forthcoming, he interpreted the answer to be in the affirmative.

And, for better or worse, right he was. After a few years of flitting here and there, André Rieu became aware of how to charm the Australian bogan female into revealing to him the soft, pink lining of its purse. He pairs his own appeal to middle aged bogan females with that of an attractive young female soprano singer in his live performances, reducing the resistance of the bogan male to grant his wife the expensive wish of attending one of Rieu’s stadium shows. André depicts his critics as members of a stuffy musical elite with narrow aesthetic tastes, which the bogan gratefully assimilates into its own resentment of ambitious people who do not wish to be bogans.

Being aware of the bogan’s reluctance to dwell too long on foreign music pieces it is not already familiar with, André intersperses his Australian shows with singalong favourites such as Burke’s Backyard, Bananas in Pyjamas, and Neighbours. Indeed, he even guest-starred on Neighbours in April 2009, bringing his brand name to the unwashed masses when they least expected. He released a schmaltzy localised appeal to the bogan female in the lead-up to Mothers’ Day 2008, with “Waltzing Matilda” getting to #1 on the album charts.

While a competent musician in his own right, Rieu is not the superior of dozens of other less acclaimed Waltz violinists around the world. What he and his record label (Universal) have done better than anyone else, however, is to simultaneously allow the bogan to see itself as sophisticated, while pandering to its short attention span, need to be validated, and latent xenophobia. He’ll even perform in a suburban megamall foodcourt, for those bogans who grow anxious when their pop-classical music consumption becomes  separated from their Boost Juice and Krispy Kreme consumption.


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164 responses

4 02 2010
outer-geelong

indeed

4 02 2010
Belinda

Great post. Oh but they all are.

I completely agree, they are mad into him for reasons I can’t figure.

I personally think it has a little to do with them being able to speak his ‘foreign’ name quite fluently for a change. Ree-err sounds like something on the way to dry-retching though.

I’m sure he is talented, but I wouldn’t know I don’t hear him. Just his name being thrown about like a ragdoll in a pit of dogs.

4 02 2010
LindaD

Brilliant post! This guy is a complete whore to the bogan’s wallet. I can’t believe he plays Bananas in Pyjamas.

4 02 2010
Loftie

Isn’t he just an imported version of John Williamson??

4 02 2010
John Vardanega

I hardly see a smarmy ponce as being a suitable replacement for a scruffy dag. Think people, think.

5 02 2010
chris

John Williamson is a true bogan idol- his fake, put-on Aussie accent gives him away.

4 02 2010
Tone

André Rieu serves a purpose. Now that John Farnham has retired (again), if you have greying femme bogue friends or relatives, he makes gift buying so much easier.

4 02 2010
Loftie

I can’t believe it – my Nana is a BOGAN…
She may be in her 80’s, but she will catch a bus, a train, and a tram to get anywhere that has his CD or a poster of him…

She just thinks he is fantastic…

Come to think of it, she does have an Ed Hardy t-shirt, goes to the tennis every year, and drinks VB…

She really is a BOGAN!

4 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Was it your nanna who was doing burnouts in her HSV Ute outside my manse?

4 02 2010
Loftie

No, sadly my nana doesn’t drive anymore – she’s a bit afraid of the speed and power of my grandfather’s toyota camry…

But it was most certainly another bogan, most probably lost being in your neck of the woods…

The driver was likely to be trying to do a U-turn to get out of there…

Or it could have been Shane Warne??

4 02 2010
Nelson Esq

Warnie now drives a Lamborghini according to today’s Herald Sun.

Also in today’s HS, this gem…TBL did mention on the Southern Cross tattoo’s post that Gippsland in Vic is a bogan hotbed…
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/opinion/alcohol-mum-a-legal-farce/story-e6frfhqf-1225826510614

4 02 2010
T

As the facebook group says, Andre Rieu is a ginat stinking turd on the musical map. No wonder bogans like him…

4 02 2010
Tubesteak

To be filed next to “Torville & Dean” and “The 3 Tenors”

4 02 2010
Indi

3 tenors as phenomenon, but each individual tenor was actually highly gifted musically. As for their taste and management, well. A girl’s gotta eat is about as kind as you can be.

Rieu is a third-rate violinist- doesn’t make enough noise without amplification- and the visual aesthetic is foul.

4 02 2010
Tubesteak

I believe each are talented and I respect each for their ability in their craft.

But bogans like then to show how kulchared and sophistmahcated they are. Appreciation of the artistic merits of the artform is beyond bogan comprehension and capability.

4 02 2010
Indi

Three of them singing ‘Nessun dorma’ was like tag team wrestling set to opera. It was a very bizarre act that made the three of them and their management wealthy. Pavarotti – truly one of the greatest instruments ever- by that stage was really uncastable in a theatrical performance. Carreras had recovered from lymphoma, and his voice was on the mend, but never the same as it once was. Domingo is still indestructible keeping on, singing as a baritone and conducting at the Met.

Rieu has no such mitigating circumstances, or talents beyong spotting a marketing opportunity.

5 02 2010
chris

and Il Divo

4 02 2010
Anonymous Bosch

I’m starting to realise just how far from popular culture I’ve obviously wandered to be completely ignorant of his existence. Still, it’s better to be a Hermit than a Bogan.

4 02 2010
Gorey

Haha. You must live in a cave! Is the name David Beckham an unfamiliar one also? Kudos to you though! I didn’t know there were people who didn’t know who Rieu was.

4 02 2010
Kat

I had heard his name but had no idea he played violin.

4 02 2010
djm

I too was blissfully ignorant. Thanks TBL for ruining it for me.

4 02 2010
James

David who?

4 03 2012
Jezzeronthecoast

Hi.

People who don’t know who Aundrie Reiu and David Beckham are. Wish I was one.

4 02 2010
Mirthless laugh

That was my ‘ suburban megamall foodcourt’.
Lucky I have no aging Bogan family members that went anywhere said megamall that day.

4 02 2010
Tone

Some solid gold from the ‘Piss Off Andre Rieu!!’ (sic) group on Facebook:

“This guy is a total nob. Who gives a shit if he just stands there and plays a fuckin violin. People who actually like this guy are retards, lol. Listen to some real music like Green Day and Nickelback. ROCK ON!!!!!!!!!!”

4 02 2010
John Vardanega

They make a good point. But I’m not sure about one of those musical references. I mean, does anybody really still like Green Day?

(Sorry, those whipping boy jokes write themselves)

4 02 2010
Tone

My point is that that incredibly intelligent and insightful pundit on Facebook may not be aware of the old fable involving Messrs Kettle and Pot. Saying that Andre Rieu sucks and Nickelback rules is like saying that Fords suck and Holdens rule: at the end of the day, you’re still a bogan.

4 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. How well I remember the comment I made on the Herald Scum oh so many months ago, pointing this very fact out. I don’t want to overdramatise, but it may well have been my finest work.

Oh, and if you’re going to mention Vanessa-Mae, don’t forget Nigel Kennedy. The bogue-of-yore was amazed to find ones ability to play a violin was not the result of the right haircut.

4 02 2010
Fiona of LOLrak

LOL!

4 02 2010
Loftie

You’ve really touched people’s hearts in this forum Fiona…

Now you have impersonators…. hahah

4 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. As they say, it’s the sincerest form of flattery…

4 02 2010
Peter of Kensington

I think the popularity of a predictable, one-dimensional troll says a lot about TBL’s denizens.

A ‘rich snob’ shtick and cheap catchphrase….enthralling.

4 02 2010
Keeping Kosher Klansman

Batten down the hatches, folks. It’s awn!

4 02 2010
Indi

So who gets to be the Billy Goats Gruff to the trolls?

4 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Jealousy’s a curse, Peter of (the Melbourne) Kensington.

4 02 2010
shazza

Amen Peter of Kensington.

4 02 2010
Benjamin

You’ve left something out of your assessment:

She is a predictable, *successful*, one-dimensional troll.

Most folks here, probably ones that should know better, have had a bite at one of her posts at one time or another.

4 02 2010
shazza

Much to my shame, I admit to ‘having a bite’ Benjamin. You are correct. I should have known better.

4 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. He said “ones that should know better”. That can’t have been referring to you.

4 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. The gullibility of the lesser people something I know only too well…

4 02 2010
betterthantheoriginalwally

I actually hope FoT gives it up soon and still be remembered as “funny” by some. The character has “jumped the shark” and comment readers dont want to read the same trite musings everyday.

4 02 2010
BG

Indeed. It was funny to begin with, but over-exposure has seen the persona slip more and more of late

Bang on with the article TBL; music of a quality coming soon to an elevator near you

4 02 2010
Simon

Ah yes our friend Peter who is so cutting and witty. Oh great one do you have anything to actually contribute?

4 02 2010
Robbie

I remember Foxtel showing advertisements of his shows a couple of years ago as they were broadcasting them on Main Event (for a price of 50$ – 60$ on top of your monthly subscription) and it was just a continual loop of him playing ‘Tie Me Kangaroo Down’ and ‘Waltsing Matilda’. I’m sure the bogans lapped it up as Foxtel where dancing to the sound of the cash flowing in.

4 02 2010
berihebi

I see an opportunity for a Richard Clayderman comeback tour.

4 02 2010
Nelson Esq

My mother, the woman who taught me table manners and the importance of being polite and showing respect, the one whom could always be relied upon to give a disapproving ‘tutt-tutt’ at anything resembling boganism, absolutely loves Andre Rieu! She would be absolutely shocked and appalled to know that she would now register a BQ rating. Damn that infernal bogometer machine!

4 02 2010
AJ

your mother sounds like my grandmother. Granny is horrified at the thought of excessive drinking, smoking, gambling, tattoos, fast cars, short skirts and all that makes the bogue, well, a bogue. However she rather enjoys rieu. No idea why.

4 02 2010
Indi

I have an otherwise un-bogan Aunt and Uncle who are mad for him. My parents to their credit graciously accepted a video as a gift. My father made the comment to me “Is it like ‘Best in Show’?”

4 02 2010
shazza

Best in Show was good for a laugh. If only Indi’s dad, if only.

4 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Reminiscent of your days on the tour is it Shazza? Did you ever win anything – aside from the consolation prize…

4 02 2010
Indi

My brother kindly (?) brought me a copy of The Scorpions-Live In Hanover! complete with the alleged Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra home from a stint working in Indonesia. the typos on the pirate cover were fun enough, but the show can be enjoyed like a Christopher Guest comedy. All childrens choirs look like the Village of the Damned but German ones especially so. Generally one ugly band, very ordinary Euro-metal, but the Burgerlich audience at Expo 2000 looking on politely at the band ‘rocking out’ are quite amusing.

4 02 2010
Kat

“which the bogan gratefully assimilates into its own resentment of ambitious people who do not wish to be bogans.”

Gold.

4 02 2010
dazz

dont forget manufactured classical like Simon Cowells : Il Divo or Paul Potts or Susan “meltdown” boyle. compared to these guys Rieu really is a Maestro. Simarly, Parents bought a new blueray player, it came with the ultimate bogan trilogy: PINK live, KOL live and Il Divo Live; you could almost smell the Linx on the crowds through the screen.

4 02 2010
Nelson Esq

Bogues also like Michael Buble…

4 02 2010
Jaiydein

Bublé was also on on TODAY, he’s yet to appear on Neighbours as far as I know, he may have done a “Westfield tour” though. He will be on Foxtel as some kind of Ambassador for the winter Olympics though?

http://www.foxtel.com.au/whats-on/foxtel-insider/foxtel-signs-michael-bubl-for-its-coverage-of-vancouver-olym-38703.htm

4 02 2010
Jaiydein

………..Parents bought a new blueray player, it came with the ultimate bogan trilogy: PINK live, KOL live and Il Divo Live; you could almost smell the Linx on the crowds through the screen………

“KOL live”… What is a KOL? Apologies for my ignorance in advance.

Kings of Leon. Modern bogan rock gods. Mainly due to their song “Sex on fire”. TBL

4 02 2010
Jaiydein

Of course, how could I not have known, hope my MMM rock-klub membership is not revoked..

4 02 2010
Indi

You’re probably on ‘Lite’ status- careful.

4 02 2010
Ethan

I remember one year my Nonna received an Andre Rieu DVD as a gift from one of her friends at Christmas. I had never laughed so hard, it was appalling what with all the glitz and glamour to spice classical music up a notch. However the funniest moment of the show was when the camera panned to the audience members and one particular gentleman was bom bom bom bom boming along to the drums, he knew the words!

Never laughed so hard.

One thing I might ask though; when did the term Bogan replace our Sydney term for The Westie?

4 02 2010
Flukazoid

The Westie is a class thing, I think. Westies can be Bogans (but not always), and Bogans are most definitely not always Westies.

4 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL.

The simple logic problem of “All A’s are B’s is not the same as all B’s are A’s” would be better taught as per your example Flukazoid.

Students in the lesser universities would have a far better chance of understanding it if a concrete, wholly relatable example such as yours was used.

4 02 2010
Ethan

Hmm, and here I have been thinking that the term Bogan was just for the younger generation. Thanks for the correction, henceforth i shall use the term Bogan instead of Westie!

Thanks guys.

4 02 2010
urbanreverie

I wouldn’t say that “westie” is entirely a class thing, Flukazoid. “Westie” is a geographic designation. There are more than a few “westies” living in places such as Penrith and Campbelltown who are reasonably affluent, well educated, have progressive attitudes and most assuredly are not bogans.

The term “bogan”, on the other hand, does not require a person thus designated to live in a particular region. There are plenty of people who fit the classic “westie” stereotype in areas such as Maroubra or Sutherland Shire, which are not located in Western Sydney. Such people would be better labelled as “bogans”.

Think of a Venn diagram with two overlapping circles. The circle on the left is “Westie”, the circle on the right is “Bogan”. Yes, there’s an overlap – but being a westie is neither necessary nor sufficient to be a bogan. Or vice versa.

That being said, I reckon an epidemiological study to find which suburbs have the highest concentration of bogans, using a set of clinical criteria to determine who is or isn’t a bogan, would make a good masters thesis. 🙂

4 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You haven’t spent much time here obviously. If you had, you’d know that asking the inhabitant of this board to imagine a venn diagram to be the equivalent of asking a bogan to imagine the inside of Tiffany’s whilst perusing the wares at Pandora…

4 02 2010
James

Keep in mind Fiona that the Wikipedia explanation of a Venn diagram is only a few clicks and even less taps of the keyboard away.

5 02 2010
Martz

Furthermore, Tiffany’s is totally a part of the new boganity. Such commodities must be displayed and rubbed in other people’s faces. Bogans derive status by associating themselves with purportedly exclusive labels that are, for all intents and purposes, open to anybody willing to max out their credit card. Some Tiffany’s products (eg, the hand-painted French porcelain on their US site) are quite beautiful, but you would never know it was from Tiffany’s if you saw it in someone’s home. As such, the low-rent T pendants and the like are their bread and butter, with the company having capitalised on the bogan susceptibility to crass labels.

4 02 2010
Gav

The traditional bogan and westie are interchangeable.. the new modern bogan as described on this blog is a totally different species

4 02 2010
Rob

The only occassion I’ve seen him actually “perform” was on the Today show (shut up, after ABC Breakfast finishes its first cycle of news it’s that or the Seventh Circle of Bogan Hell known as Sunrise) and I couldn’t help but notice he just seems to strut around and mug at the audience while everyone *but* him plays.

I also accidently saw him on Neighbours. It’s bad enough that I accidentally saw Neighbours, but by George, it was awful, if hilarious.

4 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Yes, “accidentally”…

4 02 2010
Rob

Alas, Fiona, I still share a house with bogans. One stray step into the living room to see if the TV will be free for the 7.00pm ABC News can be disastrous.

4 02 2010
James

I remember well the first time I heard Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony first movement butchered with a techno beat – is that some kind of relative of this guy’s music?

4 02 2010
Melvos Love God

How much did they pay him to be on Neighbours I wonde? to go so low as to go on a local soap , must be thinking he was going to educate the masses with his Euroglider classical music. My Grandma who is nearly 90 loves him, and she is certainly not a bogan, I sat with her and watched the first five mins of one of his DVD’s and it was certainly OTT

4 02 2010
Gorey

Andre Rieu needs to give Michael Bolton his haircut back.

4 02 2010
Peter

If i’d ‘seen him perform’ I’d scarcely refer to it as an ‘occassion’.

4 02 2010
Fiona of LOLrak

LOL. I can’t decide. Is Fiona:

a) a troll attempting irony by winning the support of those she mocks with her overplayed elitism?

or

b) actually that elitist?

Either way, it’s great entertainment 😀

4 02 2010
James

Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

4 02 2010
Fiona of LOLrak

Maybe you’re right.

Some mysteries are better left unsolved 😉

4 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Nevertheless, allow me to solve it for you. It’s b).

4 02 2010
Fiona of LOLrak

But that’s exactly what you would say if the answer was a)!

😉

4 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. It’s also exactly what I’d say if the answer was (as it actually is), b)!

4 02 2010
JimmyMac

“All Cretans are liars. A Cretan told me so”

26 05 2010
AntiPajero

“Everything you say is wrong!”
“Fine, then! You’re RIGHT!”

4 02 2010
reparty

My Nanna still has Zamfir cassettes. AND I believe she ordered them off a commercial that was on during Donahue.

4 02 2010
berihebi

🙂 Zamfir and Donahue, a great combo

4 02 2010
4 02 2010
James

Followed it all day – a veritable bogan-fest.

4 02 2010
Simon

At last Andre, he has carried on the dumbing down of society. I recently saw an ad for the Edinburough Military Tattoo and he has even reached this. Previously this was done once a year and only watched by people from Toorak who like to still be called Major because it is boring as batshit. Now I see it is touring and the brass band has included the patented Andre Kangaroo hop to appeal to the Antipodean bogans. Good god is nothing sacred anymore!

4 02 2010
Indi

Never sacred in the first place. A charity concert that began in 1950 and grew, I would guess, on the back of colonial nostalgia for Auld Reekie. Like all those other hideous events, ‘Scotland the Brave’ ‘Land of My Fathers’, severely bogan-focussed in conception and execution.

4 02 2010
reparty

Love it. Especially when I caught it on NYE a couple of years back after work. The look on my girlfriends face and the comments she made (New Years Eve and I’m watching bagpipes? The fuck?) made it more enjoyable.
And talking of “non-bogan” people (the old dudes that like to be called Major hahaha), my sister had a job as a waitress at the Naval Military Airforce Club back in the 80’s. A bunch of old retired officers who loved to talk about what should be done with Aboriginals on the street out the front. Gotta love Adelaide.

4 02 2010
Nelson Esq

It may be a shock to some, but a couple of years ago many bogans went high brow and saw the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra…when they performed with Kiss at Docklands Stadium…

4 02 2010
Tone

I’m looking forward to the inevitable follow-up post about Cirque Du Soleil. It’s like a circus, only all classy and French and that.

4 02 2010
Loftie

Tone – to be fair the Cirque Du Soleil is pretty incredible. The things they do are amazing and take substantial training and skill to perform.

There was a TV special on the other day where they had 4 guys spinning on what looked like the olympic style bars, and I swear if any of the 4 guys spinnng and flipping around misjudged slightly, there would have been carnage…

Bit different to the ‘carney style’ underfed, overtravelled ‘family’ circuses that travel around bogue-towns…

4 02 2010
JimmyMac

itym Quebecois, the last bastion of Frenchness in the western hemisphere, defending it from the depradations of the USAnians.

4 02 2010
Tone

I’m not saying that CdS is terrible. Nor am I saying that it’s for bogans only. Long term readers of TBL are aware of what this blog is about: pointing out stuff that New Age Bogans (NaBs) and Cashed Up Bogans (CUBs) tend to enjoy, whilst questioning their motives.

So, whilst people like you and I can appreciate CdS for the incredible acrobatic prowess and the exquisite use of a storyline to tie the performances in a CdS show together into a cohesive unit, the typical NaB/CUB will go and see it because “It’s like a circus, only all classy and French* and that”.

(and yes, I know CdS originate for Quebec, but the average NaB/CUB doesn’t)

4 02 2010
Tone

^ for = from (I’d better correct that before the Spelling Police bang me to rights).

4 02 2010
Loftie

Lucky you corrected that Tone – that would have been a ban from posting on #79, #80, & #81…

I could almost hear the sirens…
*SPELLING POLICE!!! – PULL OVER*

4 02 2010
Paddington

Klassy moozik = Andre Rieu: see also Nigel Kennedy, Jane Rutter, Amici Forever, Il Divo, 10 Tenors, Jimmy Barnes’s son whatever his name is, Kenny G, Michael Bolton, Celine Dion. And for the truly desperate, those four chimp-like gits who mangle Motown … Human Nature.

4 02 2010
Ironhalo

TBL, yes yes yes. My fiance and I have a running joke about the sheer number of On’dray ‘Re-err’ CD/DVD sets there are, and we always shake our heads that there can be so many.

He plays ONE FUCKING instrument (albeit quite competently) with a backing orchestra of about 80-100, and has on top of that another 80-100 dancing!

It’s like the triangle player standing up in front of everyone with a shit-eating grin and dinging away with gay abandon while everyone else plays diligently in the background.

TV: ‘And make sure you pick up Mathieu Lebreaux’s new album/DVD/Blu-Ray, Thoughts of Equilateral and Isoceles….out now for Mothers Day at all leading retailers.’
*turning from TV to tattooed male in the kitchen*
Sharnelle: ‘Oi fuck ya, that’d make a shit hot pressie for Mum, whaddya reckon Dwayne?’
Dwayne: ‘Yeah whateva, I’m goin’ doin the bottlo, need some more Woodies?’

4 02 2010
Indi

Beg to differ on Maastricht’s gift to the world, Ironhalo. He’s barely competent in his role as leader. He gets most of the notes but the performance is utterly lacklustre. He can only get away with it because the audience he targets are inexperienced, or undiscriminating, and there’s so much colour and movement to distract them. A real violin soloist can make their instrument heard over a whole orchestra- that’s eighty against one- and keep you rivetted to their performance. He always plays amplified, with the excuse that it’s all stadium shows, but he couldn’t cut it unplugged and unmixed.

4 02 2010
Simon

Or remixed, now there is an idea.

4 02 2010
Indi

As John Cage’s 4’33” for violin and orchestra- all the sliders down.

4 02 2010
Simon

Never sell Indi. I was thinking more doof doof beat with yeahs and woos mixed in, whole new audience then.

4 02 2010
Indi

You know the phrase ‘You can’t shine shit’? That’s a load of rubbish – you can make shit really shiny.

I can see it now- ‘the younger audience’. It’s the most dumbarsed marketing phrase tossed about classical music organisations, who will go out of their way to abuse the audience they already have for being old – MSO, I’m looking at you – without being able to read a demographic chart. Intergenerational Report, anyone?

4 02 2010
Simon

You can see The Andres’ shit from the moon he has shined it so much. How long till MSO join KoL for some X-treme unplgd SOF?

4 02 2010
Indi

Whenever it becomes profitable.

Those shows make them large amounts of money, and are an easy call for the players (as longs as they don’t mind wearing earplugs for a show and being largelya visual effect). Initially I don’t think they took any of the commercial risk, but do occasionally now.

4 02 2010
Melvos Love God

Quote
How long till MSO join KoL for some X-treme unplgd SOF?
Unquote

Please explain what you are saying as I am truly lost, laughing but lost.

4 02 2010
JimmyMac

MSO = Melbun Simfunny Orkestraa
KoL = Kings of Leon
unplgd = unplugged
SOF = Summer of Fun ?
Shithouse of …. Farqwads?

5 02 2010
Gorey

SOF stands for “Sex on Fire”

5 02 2010
Indi

That song title sounds like a really bad idea or something for which to seek medical help.

5 02 2010
Simon

You know that burning sensation when the vd you picked up in Bali kicks in.

4 02 2010
Sam

“Polishing a turd” or “turd polishing”

4 02 2010
James

“Oi fuck ya” – love it. Reminds me of Toowoomba…

4 02 2010
Jodie

Heehee, not to be confused with the oft-heard (in my neighbourhood) “youse cunts can get fucked.” Says it all, really.

5 02 2010
Indi

Often preceded by “Youse are all fucked, . .”

4 02 2010
Lee

Does anyone actually like this bloke and the music he spews forth? I reckon I dont know a living being who does.

4 02 2010
Simon

Lee, you need to get out more, this guy is more popular than Ray Martin.

4 02 2010
Lee

No!

4 02 2010
JimmyMac

But can he be more popular the Ray’s fibreglass hairpiece?

4 02 2010
Toddo

Ironhalo, that was very funny. No need for the ‘F’ word though. Casual use of such words is for Bogans, or grumpy gothic types, like the girls who skip phys-ed lessons because they have menstrual problems (every week)

4 02 2010
shazza

Sorry Toddo, but I beg to differ. The F word always has a place when used sparingly and in appropriate context. It’s one of my favourites.

4 02 2010
Toddo

Just never in public. Nothing confirms to me that functional society has folded never to return more than someone using the ‘F’ word loosely, and without regard for those around them.
(with exception to mother getting their 5 yr old sons inebriated “coz he likes his alchohol”)

4 02 2010
Nelson Esq

Couldn’t agree with you more Toddo. I can be a bit of a potty mouth in private at times, but I can’t think of much more vulgar than hearing swearing in public. To curb one’s language is just another example of good manners, which are all too quickly disappearing from society, leading to its sad decline.

4 02 2010
Indi

Buck up Nelson, old man! Rumours of the death of civil society are greatly exaggerated. Not heading for a deep decline or a mid-life crisis?

Our society has coarsened but it’s a surface effect due to increased opportunities for public chatter- at least for now in Australia. It was never that refined a place in public discourse, swear words in public aside.

I think we were a little insulated from just how strange Sarah Palin was as a national politician in the US because we are used to our politicians of any party operating in that inarticulate way, dog-whistling and making slurs and unsupported claims.

4 02 2010
Nelson Esq

Sorry Indi, just worried about the state of this world I am bringing my daughter and soon to be born child into…and since finding a grey hair the other day, I’m probably having a mid-life crisis as well!

I travel on the train everyday and the amount of swear words I hear being casually dropped into conversation, especially by Gen Y’ers, is appalling. The English language is full of some really fantastic words which could be used instead of ‘shit’ and ‘fuck’; all you need is a dictionary and thesaurus. With the education available in this country, most people should know better and that is what is sad.

But the worst I’ve heard in a while was yesterday by an old school feral council housing type bogan who really wouldn’t know any better. He was annoyed at his woman and said at the top of his voice for all the carriage to hear, “Just fucken tell everyone on the train that I’m gunna shoplift our tea from the funcken supermarket, why don’chya bitch…ah fuck it I don’t care who fucken knows!” While not surprising, it wasn’t any less shocking or sad. Where that guy is in life is tragic and not the type of thing you can laugh at, unlike complete ignorance of the energy drink swilling bogue nouveau with his tatts, Ed Hardy shirt and Chevrodore.

BTW I’m pinning my hopes on the efforts of Mrs Harbord and Mrs Schrager from ‘Ladette to Lady’ to save civil society. 🙂

5 02 2010
Indi

I’ve had a similar experience on atram which involved a detailed unfolding af a relationship, deliverd at full volume, while everyone was studying their shoes. It ended with ‘All the fucken cunts on this tram are lookin’ at me, ya bitch.’

5 02 2010
Simon

I was wondering what an atram was Indi but all became clear.

4 02 2010
Loftie

^^^ F word = Fiance?

4 02 2010
Lee

Where does the C bomb weigh in on this?

4 02 2010
shazza

Same rules apply, though a far more judicious approach should be applied. I personally don’t say the word, but have seen it used to good effect in humorous situations.

4 02 2010
Lee

It is one of my favourites and I will go so far as to say tat I have mastered the use of the word quite well!

4 02 2010
Ironhalo

I find the odd Forced Unconcensual Carnal Knowledge acronym to have effectual emphasis now and then.

Blame my Navy background though, I used to come home from sea with a mouth that could strip paint, despite normally not swearing.

I had a conversation with one of my sailors that went like this one day:
Me: ‘Able Seaman X, did you secure the upper deck as instructed?’
Sailor: ‘Sir, yeah fuckin’, I got the fuckin’ boys to put the fuckin’ lines away. I might fuckin’ have to redo the fuckin’ splices, or else we’ll fuckin’ have to order fuckin’ new ones through fuckin’ stores when we get fuckin’ alongside.’

After he left my cabin, my IQ dropped 10 points and my head exploded. This guy used the F-word like we’d use ‘umm’.

4 02 2010
James

You have the usage exactly right – every Navy and Army person I know tend to start their sentences like that – kicking things off on a high note.

4 02 2010
Frazer

“Deluxe sing-along edition”, the bogans never stood a chance.

4 02 2010
Indi

But if you were in any doubt as to how creepy he is, watch this:

SHE can play. He just ogles- erk.

4 02 2010
Tone

You can just see in his eyes … he’s thinking ‘when she’s a bit older, she can blow my horn!’. EWWWW!

4 02 2010
Robbie

lol @ Ironhalo….the word ‘fuck’ rules but only when used correctly 😛

4 02 2010
Toddo

I once used the word loosely about 13 yrs ago. Then one day I was at a BBQ and had the life changing experience of conversing with one of my wife’s old school friends, who had been ‘up Norf’ droivin haulpacks. She somehow managed to use the ‘F’ word every 3 out of five words. It sounded so rough and vulgar, that I have only used the word in really extreme circumstances (ie; accidentally backing my car into a bollard) since.

Off topic, TBL, can you please post an article on ‘Gravelly Voices’ or ‘Husky Voices’ that are not only synonymous with the Bogan, but also feature on their favourite music like Brian Adams, Bruce Springsteen, Rod Stewart, ACDC etc.

4 02 2010
shazza

Ian Macfarlane MP?

4 02 2010
James

He is the member for the area that includes such bogan strongholds as Toowoomba.

5 02 2010
Indi

Farewell, Aunty jack

4 02 2010
Simon

Greetings Earthlings, in breaking news The Biggest Loser is endorsing Dominoes new range of Lite rings of fat.

4 02 2010
Sam

“Try our new range of sugar free pizzas and fat free soft drinks!”

Sugar free and fat free! Gimme gimme gimme.

4 02 2010
Jodie

Ah, the diet industry. Because phentermine and aspartame are good for you!

Seriously- energy in, energy out. Eat less fat, fewer carbs, more protein, more veg and move around more. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it IS simple. Just to clarify- I’m not judging overweight people, I’m judging the diet industry.

5 02 2010
Simon

Yes, but the diet industry exists because fat people are to stupid or lazy to work out this simple concept( and yes bar the very rare person whose fault it isn’t).

4 02 2010
StuManChu

Best yet, Headstrap you’ve outdone yourself.

4 02 2010
Bec

He’s popular because he’s the whitest ‘whitey’ to ever white a white. Ain’t nothin more Aryan than Vienna Waltz. It’s fancy and there is a hilarious wannabe aristocracy to it that to the bogue, it’s the most elegant, culturey thing forevs.

4 02 2010
Jodie

I loved Judith Lucy’s response to John Mayer telling her he’d like to see her smile more. “I’d like to see world peace and the assassination of Andre Rieu but that isn’t going to happen anytime soon…” Love her. That Austrian twunt needs a swift punch to the junk like yesterday.

4 02 2010
shazza

I didn’t realise John Mayer was Austrian.

5 02 2010
Indi

Yeah, his English is really good. Boom-tish.

4 02 2010
Jodie

*searches Wiki*

Dutch, Austrian, same thing. 😉

4 02 2010
Jodie

Oh, John Mayer. Ya. Forgive me, I’m a little slow tonight. Good one. Ok, I will amend that to “both Dutch and American twunts need punches to the junk.” It’s true.

5 02 2010
SD

I was once at the airport and a lot of old bogan ladies had gathered with a bouquet. Couldn’t figure out why till Andre Rieu came strolling out nose in the air. He barely ackowledged them, a lackey collected the bouquet and they were off. Felt sorry for the olds who must have travelled from some outer suburb and waited hours. And yet they remain faithful.

5 02 2010
Indi

Treat’em mean, keep’em keen.

5 02 2010
Peggsy

At my work, we get letters from seniors suggesting that the Australian Government should financially support Andre Rieu and his tours to our country, simply because he is so good and Australia is lucky to get him.

WTF! where to begin…

5 02 2010
Indi

Thank you for your kind letter . . . .
Mr Rieu is a very succesful private entrepreneur from Holland so it would not be appropriate for us to offer him financial support. . .
Rather eat my own vomit . . .
Yours Sincerely
Peggsy

5 02 2010
shazza

These seniors are a warning against dormant retirement.

8 02 2010
Indi

Indeed. I could tolerate him better if he did the full waltz-King thing and played dance parties for seniors. It’s what the music is after all, 19th century dance music, no pretensions to any high art.

26 02 2010
ant

Some Canberra breakfast DJs got stuck into him during his last tour, grumbling about him and really butchering the pronunciation of his name… they ended up sounding like they were throwing up. It was rather funny. They were definitely not fans.

3 04 2010
L

I just want to put my 2 cents’ worth in here..

I love to read about how you all claim to know how proficient (or not proficient, you say) that Andre Rieu is on his instrument. Do any of you actually know this from first-hand experience – that is, being in his close company and that of the performance company?

I have spent many a concert backstage and in close proximity to the production, and I can assure you – he is very good at what he does.

Don’t criticise what you don’t know, is my suggestion 😉

15 06 2010
#148 – Wii Fit « Things Bogans Like

[…] cachet from the bloated corpses of Bach and Sinatra, it will try to illegally download some Andre Rieu or Michael Buble (actually a Canadian dwarf), before realising it doesn’t know what a torrent is, […]

17 07 2010
EKDV

When a bogan is truly aspirational they realise that it is not enough to have buckets of money, but that one must be a figure of taste and culture, although not enough taste or culture to be mistaken for a poofy, snooty intellectual. Hence the otherwise inexplicable popularity of Andre Rieu. You might have seen his smug, punchable face on CDs and DVDs spreading like a cancer across the already meagre classical music sections of music retailers.

Andre Rieu plays the violin. Not well enough to be musically interesting, but well enough to play tunes made famous by countless ads for British Airways, Nescafe and various toilet papers that have sunk into the bogan’s subconscious of what it might mean to enjoy classical music.

Of course for the bogan heading off for a night of “Culcha” carries the risk of being bored or threatened by the unfamiliar, so Andre kindly makes sure he has plenty of waltz dancers, glass carriages and incongruous costumes to whisk his audience into an experience of the “Olden Days” as could only have been imagined in the fever dreams of Walt disney. Andre always makes sure that the show is never about the music.

Andre is apparently back in town soon for one of his stadium concert extravaganzas, and doubtless we will all be regailed with tales of his brilliance from his adoring bogan fans.

10 09 2011
Taariq Hassan

Dead right, Bogans LOVE This clown who plays in 3/4.He is a cross between Richard Clayderman , Liberace and Acca Dacca.
Nobody who likes Strauss played well would buy his recordings. Herbert Von Karajan’s versions are the benchmark.

26 06 2012
James

agreed, Andre Rieu’s ego is ten times bigger than his talent and is a total embarassment to classical music and a waste of space when it comes to the music genre.

11 01 2016
Lo

He is very talented and makes a lot of people happy…so let him do that

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