This does not make sense. She has not starred in a sex tape. She appears to be happily married to a fairly anonymous actor with only 80s retro-cred. If she is attractive – and this is fiercely debated among bogans – it is not in the conventional, bogan-friendly, Playboy-esque manner of massive cans, peroxide blonde, suggestive air of desperation, availability and likely crack habit. She appears in the trash mags only in the fashion pages. Yet bogans like her. However, upon deeper reflection, there several glaring reasons. Foremost is her stunning lack of acting talent. In a developing bogan paradigm, Ms Parker’s enormous success is both a symptom and a cause of her enormous success.
Bogans have an inherent, deeply ingrained desire to appear in some form of visual entertainment. While they will happily accept an appearance on shows like Rural Fireman Wants a Wife’, the ultimate fantasy, if only a pipe dream, is actual celebrity status for appearing in a genuine motion picture. If someone with as limited capacity for performance as Parker can reach those heights, then it stands to reason that anyone can. Thus, bogans actively sustain her fame and their aspirations simultaneously simply by attending the ‘films’ she appears in. Second, bogan females enjoy supporting a female sex symbol who male bogans insist appears like some kind of cross between a horse and a foot, thereby empowering them further.
Finally, she is predominantly renowned for appearing in Sex and the City, a show which frequently refers to sex – indeed, it is in the title – as well containing simulated sex scenes and exposed breasts. At the same time, the programme (and eventual ‘film’) dressed up this titillation under the guise of ‘female empowerment’, allowing the bogan to watch a show that offered breasts or constant references to high-value couture brands, while maintaining they did so out of interest for the wellbeing of women.
Sex and the City began life as an edgy, funny niche show about single women in their thirties – sexy, independent, selfish and fabulous. However, bogans were drawn to the promiscuity of the lead characters, along with their rampant consumerism. TV network execs soon realised advertisers would give anything to get in front of an audience this impressionable. Thus the show began to change, to more accurately reflect the bogan fantasy.
The show and eventual ‘film’ entrenched in the bogan mind the feminine ideal; periodically discussing sex in an overt and occasionally graphic manner, while shopping ferociously for designer brands they cannot afford. Moreover, Ms Parker’s character wound up reaffirming the feminist notion that a woman undoubtedly is not happy until she can land a man – preferably a wealthy one at that. The premiere of Sex and the City 2 will be accompanied by deals in which tickets come with a free Cosmopolitan, and viewers will be encouraged to dress in their designer finery. Because that’s how feminists do it. Female bogans would also argue vociferously amongst themselves over which of the ‘girls’ they ‘were’, even though each was in essence a sketch of one quarter of an actual human being.
In her latest ‘film’, Ms Parker gets around acting as Hugh Grant’s faux-wife, while wearing cowboy hats in the American high country. No doubt hijinx ensue. No doubt bogans will attend.