The bogan likes to belong. It also craves a sense of order and purpose. The emergence of social networking spaces such as Facebook has given the bogan the means to indulge this higher order need to a spectacular degree. It can now proudly pledge its allegiance to a dizzying array of asinine interests, as long as it is worded in bad grammar and has at least two misplaced apostrophes.
Inexorably, the bogan will gravitate towards groups that have in excess of 10,000 members, a reassuring sign that the majority is on board its Titanic of dreams. The flotsam ranges anywhere from uninformed social/political causes (“Save Schapelle Corby/Don’t Let Sudanese Refugees In/In australia we eat meat, drink beer and speak FUCKIN ENGLISH“), to harebrained irony (“I have joined way too many groups since the layout has changed“), to stationery (“I love bubble wrap“) or to a simple expression of the will to live (“I do not want to be eaten by sharks/I love not being on fire“). There is also the non-political cause – such as “I will name my son <insert stupid comic book name> if this group reaches 10,000“.
Even more, the bogan will join groups that simply state something utterly banal, but allows the bogan to feel better that they are not the only one who appreciates the cool touch of unused pillow case on hot summer skin. Here is a brief list (please assume that the bulk of these are followed by (sic)):
The bogan will then use this space to post one comment, generally in fervent agreement with the page’s thrust, then proceed to completely forget that they ever signed up. This leads to a new, sure-fire bogan-identification method, thanks to the good folk at Facebook and their new Orwellian ‘privacy’ settings. Simply click on the profile of a suspected bogan. Check for the number of groups the person is a member of, or pages they are a ‘fan’ of. There is, of course, a clear correlation between the number of pages listed, their inanity, and the individual’s level of web-savvy boganinity.
Eventually, the bogan is member of a critical mass of pointless groups that allow the discerning observer to accurately define the particular type of fuckwit they are dealing with. Thus, an individual that is a part of the “I responded to your text in two seconds, stop taking two hours to answer“ group should be avoided just like that pesky backpacker hawking Dolphin safety. Like a dirty fingerprint, the bogan swipes an attempt at uniqueness, only to signal to the world which types of ignorance and stupidity it cherishes the most.
Another option is joining the Facebook group for a blog about Things Bogans Like, proceeding to ignore the blog that the Facebook page was created to promote, then posting inane comments on the Facebook page that fundamentally revolve around the fact that bogans are, in their estimation, poor people.
However, its highly limited attention span will ensure the transience of its affiliations. One minute it joins “I Like Playing Farmville“, and just as it ponders signing up to “Hot showers are awesome“, it has decided that it now belongs to “I Don’t Like Playing Farmville” – all in the space of 15 minutes. It will then get bored with joining groups, and resume its game of Farmville.