The bogan will tell you it likes to read. Having the means to attend university and briefly flirt with academic theories of psychology and fulfillment (see Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs theory) it will also loudly claim that it aspires to self-actualisation; a state of being everything it could ever hope to be.
Stubbornly impeding the progress towards this lofty goal is the fact that bogans LOVE shortcuts. Be it get-rich quick schemes, examining a limited number of habits of “highly effective” individuals, or simply seeking an effortless strategy to living superbly, the bogan cannot wait for the next quick fix to a better life. However, lacking the patience and introspective ability to actually better itself, the bogan hungrily seeks out the next bestseller that shamelessly adorns the gift shop in the Tiger Airways terminal.
Proudly bearing claims such as “the ultimate guide to spiritual enlightenment in 7 days” or “a practical guide to personal and financial freedom”, the bogan, it would seem, simply cannot resist the allure of potentially getting rich and achieving inner peace for a paltry $29.95 (in heady moments of either enthusiasm or guilt). Thus, the bogan is effectively a prime culprit for creating the burgeoning self-help publishing industry and the baffling popularity of intellectual cretins/life coaches/gurus such as Anthony Robbins.
Ostensibly rooted in psychological theory, the “self help” pandemic has infected a staggering number of unsuspecting and gullible bogans nationwide. Bearing an uncanny resemblance to low quality home-spun advice, the bogan is tricked into thinking it’s helping itself, while blindly digesting a stranger’s manipulative swill neatly condensed into a 100 pages. Filled with pearls of wisdom such as “If you can’t, you must, If you must, you can” and “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten”, it is little wonder that the helplessly malleable bogan mind takes to this drivel like a pensioner to a poker machine.
While the bogan is unlikely to read more than 10% of the self-improvement products it purchases, the mere presence of these brightly coloured, excitedly titled tomes on the bookshelf are hopefully sufficient to impress visitors, and transfer their wisdom to all occupants of the room via a mysterious process of osmosis. Like one of those air fresheners that the bogan plugs into a power point.
It is sadly only a matter of time until titles such as Get confident, stupid or Kidneys for Sale: How to maximise your body’s potential” become the next big thing. Ultimately, the bogan realises that self-help is not adequate to solve its flawed self of self. Which leads to tomorrow’s entry…