Once a year, all of the bogan’s tawdry sexual fantasies come to bear under one large corrugated roof. Deviously marketed as an exhibition focusing on all aspects of health and sexuality, Sexpo is but a filthy menagerie of sweat, failed dreams, washed up porn stars and overpriced dildos. Nursing love-toy sample bags and blank faces, the bogans patiently peruse everything; from stalls hawking the latest in pleasure-inducing gadgetry to Miss Nude Australia presiding over two men simulating sexual positions from the Kama Sutra on a blow-up doll. Languidly strolling past the gaudy bazaar of g-strings, giggles, porn mags, peepshows and motorised parachute rides, the bogan’s mind is briefly distracted by the sudden appearance of a man dressed as a giant penis handing out lube and condoms.
Not to be left out of the action, the female bogan will enthusiastically participate in the “Fake An Orgasm” competition or take pole dancing lessons or bare all in the Amateur Strip Show, all the while being cajoled by the aural charms of timeless bogan, Russell Gilbert. This further gives the bogan an opportunity to attempt to temporarily apply the ADHD ethos of pornography to its own sex life. By interacting with B-grade porn stars and obtaining a signed copy of Monica Mayhem’s Anal Episodes 9: The Ploughing at Bathurst, it satisfies its need to immerse itself in the seedy, illicit underground of hard-core erotica.
Of course, no bogan event is complete without the gratuitous burning of massive amounts of fossil fuels. Enter the group of daredevil freestyle motorcyclists who call themselves the Crusty Demons. The ability to jump repeatedly over mounds of sand on a 250cc dirt bike while performing strange tricks renders the bogans gasping in amazement, as it vicariously taps into the bone-chilling, high-octane excitement. Once it has collected a sufficient number of free samples, it will make one last round of the garish collection of adult products that can be found at any suburban Club X store before making its way home to ferociously masturbate.