Things Bogans Like

#15 – Personalised Numberplates

All people seek to express their personality through their actions, possessions, and personal presentation. Because the bogan has more personality than the rest of us, it requires more canvases upon which to portray its traits. One of these canvases is the lower back, but another important one is the numberplate of the bogan’s car. While all cars come with numberplates, for the bogan that rectangular piece of metal is more than a registration tool – it is an existential statement of identity and intent.

State traffic authorities have identified this need in the bogan, and offer a suite of solutions. For a price of hundreds of dollars (and an additional annual fee of hundreds of dollars), the bogan is able to use the front and rear of its vehicle to announce its multi-coloured manifesto to the world, provided it is 6 characters or less. Undeterred, inventive alphanumeric abbreviations are employed, the skills for which have been honed through years of virtually illegible text messaging. The message of the numberplate usually refers to the car’s ability to attain speed, or the alleged importance or desirability of its owner. Examples include “WTABUZ”, “2HOT4U”, and “COPB8”. On other occasions the numberplate is a variant of the driver’s name, though the motivation behind such a choice is unclear, since the bogan doesn’t spend its time outside of the car with a name tag pinned to its shirt. Often, the bogan will seek to remove the badging from the rear bumper of the car to make it seem more subtle, yet describe the make or model of the car on the numberplate in far larger letters.

The personalisation of the numberplate is believed to make it easier for the bogan to locate its vehicle in shopping centre carparks, as well as intimidating or impressing other bogans during Friday night repetitive laps up and down a street that has fashionable shops on it. By having a personalised numberplate, the male bogan can prove to prospective mating partners that the car is not stolen or its parents’, underlining its suitability as a father and provider to the female’s children.