#234 – Fender Stratocasters

1 07 2011

Despite having a lifelong, unfulfilled ambition to have sick chops on the guitar, the bogan is generally a novice when it comes to musical instruments. Often, a bogan will consider purchasing a new electric guitar, but guitars cost at least $250, and the fully sick ones can cost as much as a ginormous plasma screen. Besides, in the past the bogan’s attempts at this sort of thing have been strangely unrewarding. It’s relieving, perhaps, that it instead picks up a $100 Guitar Hero guitar to play Guitar Hero: Metallica on its $350 Xbox.

The bogan likes playing Guitar Hero because the bogan is on an inexorable quest for maxtreme awesomeness. And in the age of bogan-friendly shredgaming, the inability to play guitar is no obstacle to a bogan proclaiming itself a massive axe god, and talking about melting bulk face on the weekend. With key influences including Wayne, Garth, Bill and Ted, the bogan is ready to enter the halls of rock guitar Excellence. And no rock guitar has more bogan cachet than a Fender Stratocaster.

The Fender Stratocaster (or ‘strat’ as the bogan will call it, the nickname perhaps implying a bond between the bogan and its instrument,) is the world’s best known guitar. It is the one guitar the bogan needs to know, which is lucky because the bogan mistakes the names of all the other guitars for Cars or strange foreign food (link). The bogan also likes the Fender Stratocaster because it’s what Slash played, out in front of that church in the desert, wailing out massive chops in November Rain.

The bogan loves to hold the exact Strat that Slash is famous for playing, except maxximised for shredgaming, and nail sophisticated fingering and picking techniques after a few goes. Then after the outro is done, it’s straight back with another soaring classic, with the bogan centre stage, playing more Epic Leads.  Even when the game throws up some wierd poofy music, the bogan still likes playing its Strat. It can just focus on nailing the timing of objects coming down a 3D-looking fretboard, all the time watching an animated muso in tight jeans rock out for maximum crowd points. It is fair to say the bogan doesn’t realise the animated muso-hipster probably drinks soy lattes and reads Henry Miller, and idolises its proto-bogan forefather rockers, who actually knew their way around a genuine Fender Stratocaster. That doesn’t matter, because when it comes to Fender Stratocasters, the bogan has no complaints. The bogan likes Fender Stratocasters.