#249 – Pauline Hanson

31 10 2011

There was once a time when claiming that bogans enjoyed the nasal whine, fierce ignorance and misguided nationalism of Pauline Hanson would be misguided in itself, and begging for a backlash. While the bogan insists that it is not racist, it is more than happy to broadly stereotype and generalise on the basis of ethnicity or skin colour. The bogan of today is, however, cognisant enough of the forces of Political Correctness Gone Mad to avoid making blanket statements in public about the country being swamped by Asians, and instead its racism was never entirely of a piece with that of Ms Hanson. The result was that the bogan was deeply conflicted over the former member for Oxley.

On one hand, it secretly agreed that it was indeed being swamped by Asians (who couldn’t drive), was having its taxpayer dollars siphoned off to layabout aborigines (who were all alcoholics) and that it was subject to reverse racism because it was neither of those things and didn’t receive sufficient support in Making Ends Meet. On the other, it was not racist. The result was a strange kind of mental stagnation, as the bogan’s rigorously programmed brain was confronted with an unsolvable paradox. The result was that Pauline Hanson really attracted only the votes of those completely happy to be racist – old people.

But that was then. The past five years has given the bogan every chance to engage in Hanson’s very public rehabilitation, as the trashmedia, short of anything it could legitimately call ‘celebrities’ settled for people that were at least ‘recognisable’. Midway through realising that her 2004 attempt to re-enter federal politics was doomed, she instead opted to fail more generally at life, by featuring on Dancing with the Stars. Immediately sensing the chance to ‘forgive’ a ‘celebrity’, the bogan instantly propelled her to the final, only to be confronted by a choice between a forgiven Hanson and an ascendant Hewitt.

After that, Hanson released an autobiography called Untamed and Unashamed, two things the bogan, rebellious Underbelly viewer that it is, certainly considers itself to be. Less mentioned is Hanson’s earlier book called The Truth, which suggested that Aborigines routinely engaged in cannibalism. Nonetheless, Hanson’s journey to bogan forgiveness is now complete, as she competes alongside a series of utterly failed semi-public figures in Celebrity Apprentice, a program that is effectively designed to see which low-rent, feckless Australian is most willing to debase themselves in order to garner a few more moments in the public eye.

Today, Pauline Hanson is comfortably ensconced in the bogan pantheon, with a lifetime of income to be drawn from her continued public exposure for no reason beyond the fact that the bogan recognises her. Once, she was (allegedly) driven to electoral fraud in order to make a crust, but from now on, she may suckle on the nourishing, engorged teat of the bogan’s ignorance. And she will.


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768 responses

31 10 2011
p'bee

i’m hoping the return of pauline hanson might also prompt the return of pauline pantsdown. that might at least make it bearable.

3 12 2011
James Hunter

bare able , thats very good peebee !

31 10 2011
devil's advocate

Is the whole title of ‘celebrity’ apprentice deliberately ironic? With the possible exception of wendell sailor none of the these people are anything near celebrity status. And sailor hardly rates because although he’s a sporting star he barely gets into trouble or is dating a high-profile disaster so not even women’s weekly celebrity level.

31 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

You would like to think so wouldn’t you DA but they do appear to be taking it seriously. It is a high level pisstake if that is the case.

*disclaimer – this is based on 0 views of the show, just the advert and a Scum article.*

31 10 2011
Dgusten

While the show does seem to breaking new ground at the bottom of the barrell, I’d say winning a Brownlow or Olympic medal, or starting your own political party makes you pretty well known, and that makes you a “celebrity”. Only 4 of the particpants don’t have their own Wikipedia page…

(I mean, if Lisa Curry isn’t a celebrity Uncle Toby’s might want a fair few endorsement dollars back…)

The show is actually not too bad in a it’s-so-bad-it’s-admittedly-not-good-but-somehow-quite-watchable way – a good proportion of the particpants aren’t taking it or themselves too seriously, and the editors/producers are providing some additional golden moments.

19 11 2011
PluckedGrouse

It’s a train wreck of a show. Only people who have something to remind the public of something they did a long time ago or the Not So Distant Future, (15 minutes of fame), appear on these shows. The so called Celebrities don’t seek the producers out, their managers seek out the plasma screen gods and ask, “What have you got for my totally B Grade Arsehole who is on my back everyday?”.” Fuck I’m sick of this bitch/Prick on my back. Please give them a gig, every bogan will know their name, thus satisfying all our our splitting headaches.” Your’s Truly, Mark Marxson.

19 11 2011
PluckedGrouse

Or Maxxxx or whatever his name is at whatever given time.

31 10 2011
Jesse

You’re all missing the point: ‘celebrity apprentice’ is an oxymoron because if you’re already a celebrity then you cannot, by definition, be an apprentice.

An apprentice is a protégé, a new, unknown, unacknowledged practitioner.

31 10 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

What happened to those plans of hers to move to the UK? Did she find out she’d be rooming with Germaine Greer? Now that would make a reality TV program.

Oh wait.

Here we go…

http://www.news.com.au/national/uk-too-full-of-immigrants-says-pauline-hanson/story-e6frfkvr-1225953243773

Back to back News Ltd references in comments section. Ordinary form.

31 10 2011
p'bee

yes, i remember that. very very funny. although it would have been better if she’d moved there and then made her shock discovery that there are immigrants in the uk, too.

31 10 2011
devil's advocate

What I’d like to know is, what right does a ranga have to be judging others on the basis of their ethnicity? Like who is below the ranga on the social totem pole? Anyone? Bueller?

31 10 2011
Jesse

Racism is insidious. People who target redheads are the same bigots who rail against Aborigines, blonds/blondes, Asians, bogans, whatever….

31 10 2011
James Hunter

Jesse,
The aim is to offend everyone equally.

31 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

If she moved there she would be an imm ….

Ah f*ck it, just take her out the back and shoot her.

31 10 2011
p'bee

logic never was her strong suit.

or anywhere in her vicinity.

31 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

How long till some poor kid gets named Lhoghik?

31 10 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Isn’t he that Welsh mathematician ?

31 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Related to the bloke who invented a cube prbly.

31 10 2011
James Hunter

But Cubists are artists not mathematicians ?

31 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Ever tried to #124 a cubist?

Now there is an equation.

31 10 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
I suspect that you would end up on the canvas !

31 10 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

I did once attempt to have #124 with a female art history major.

31 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Oh, oh, let me have this one JH.

Did you get the brush off?

31 10 2011
James Hunter

Simon. Ok , Ok, .
I often say to people that Repartee is what most people think of after you have gone . ?
You know the type.

31 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I resemble that statement. My witty rejoinders usually arrive 30mins after the original.

31 10 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
We are thinking seriously about bringing Circus Bizarre to Adelaide for Fringe 2013.
We were asked by Damian at Caos Cafe , where we were in 2006 , to come for 2012 but the lead time was just too short.
It looks like I could get Mr Tetanus and The Amazing Christina so ifn that happens you must come and share a red or two after the show.
By the by. Christina will be at Nexus for fringe 2012 she is fantastic.. Mr Tetanus, you catch him doing gigs round town and of course Dick Dale the trash movie maker at Cheesy Knob Productions and “Trasharama” Dick makes some realy cool movies. asside from touring Trasharama.

31 10 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

I was tarred with the same brush as many others who tried.

31 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I’m there JH.

31 10 2011
Brain Fart

Laughed my guts out when I heard she was moving to Britain to escape migrants. Was in London 20 years ago and knew she’d be traumatized by the amount of Indians et al…. This woman is sooooo toxic! Too bad we haven’t got an Island that we could send our undesirables to. Oh wait, that Island is Australia right? So crawl back under the bridge Pauline, you toxic/shit/troll/woman and glass yourself, please.

31 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

What about the *whispers* negroes, Pauline would wet herself the first on that approached her and said “hey mon”. C’mon Fart, glass her yourself, you will feel better.

31 10 2011
Brain Fart

Oh Mr Glasser, I’m a glassing virgin. So is Mr Fart. Need help to glass that ignorant bitch. So it’s best if she does it herself, good as a community service type thingy. It might win her some votes if it’s a home job.

31 10 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

I’m watching Celebrity Apprentice just for interactions between her and whatshername the black chick who thinks she’s an A-lister even though I don’t have a clue what she’s done other than come out of the vagina of the soft judge from Australian Idol.

31 10 2011
p'bee

i did like the review on the smh’s website late last week who was more of a celebrity: polly-from-the-block or deni-from-her-mum.

31 10 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

Who the hell is Polly from the Block? Some new incarnation of J-Lo?

31 10 2011
p'bee

someone from the block, apparently. i think she was one of the winners? but basically channel 9 cross-pollinating their reality shows.

2 11 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

Ah, k. Was I off. I thought she was some white pop tart who thought she was the former Mrs Marc Anthony.

2 11 2011
martin

She was the singer for the Rockmelons, they were good before she joined, and she’s sung “Ain’t No Sunshine” about 10 million times as well as about 10 million other people who want to appear deep with a touch of obscurity and libtardness. Because that song is f#cken gay.

31 10 2011
Jesse

Maybe we do have an island we can send ‘undesirables’ back to. In the 1700s Britons sent their criminals to the island continent that is now known as Australia.

It would be a just retribution for Australians to send their criminals back to Great Britain…

31 10 2011
James Hunter

Jesse, Your best suggestion all day.
We could start by sending that Pommy Bastard, Alan Joyce ,back to Little Britain. Go keep Bitty company

31 10 2011
Mick

They would still vote for her in the west. The western bogan firmly believes that she and Bob Katter should get together to put this country back on track. What a demon spawn that would be.

I nearly got glassed at a FNQ race meeting because of this woman. Or maybe because I’m a smart-arse. I heard she was going so instead of my usual racing-day cheap suit, I wore my Rednecks t-shirt…the Mambo one with Pauline on a box of matches with Rednecks in big letters on the top. This is where I found her voting base. Middle aged men. They love her. They were coming at me in groups to usher me away from the betting ring and the bar so that their Pauline would not be insulted.

Or maybe they just didn’t like being called rednecks. Who knows?

31 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

That’s courage Mick, and not just the ordinary kind.

31 10 2011
Mick

Nah, I was just looking forward to a day of robust political debate. That and I had a big group of mates.

We still had a One Nation MP up this way as recently as 2009. I used to wear that shirt around Cairns but never up on the tablelands. They adored Pauline up there. Funny that when you think that most of the communities up that way are immigrants. Must have been the hating darkie thing.

The middle aged devotee I mentioned before always reckoned Pauline was hot. Could never work that one out. Maybe that’s why she got the vote. Perhaps in these deluded minds the connection was made between vote for Pauline and ranga #124.

2 11 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

I would donkey punch Pauline. Mostly because it might kill her.

2 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Try a “Hectic Harry” Ash!

2 11 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Ash,
is just disapointed that her hair is too short to get a good grip when he is trying to 124 her. ?

2 11 2011
Brain Fart

Heeheehee you boys are very nortie. The woman is clearly a fuckwit. Whatever happened to being kind to the mentally deficient?

3 11 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

…No, JH. Just no.

Were it not for the donkey punch I would not even consider giving that #124.

31 10 2011
James Hunter

TBL, I know you love playing the straw man but it would be good for your soul to go read Paulines Maiden Speach in Hansard. Then maybe rewrite the article ?

31 10 2011
Jesse

What do you mean by this? Why would re-reading her speech be worthwhile?? Are you suggesting that there is something in it that is overlooked….?

31 10 2011
James Hunter

Well Jesse,
After you have read it come back and we can have an informed chat about it.

31 10 2011
p'bee

is that the one where she said australia was going to be overrun by 2 billion asians? think i’ll give it a miss.

3 11 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

JH, I know yr views and I accept that the text of the speech itself wasn’t as evil as it was made out to be. However, the fact is that even if the speech itself did not specifically tell people the racist f*ckery that’s taken over since then was OK, it was the tipping point in such ideas becoming more and more dominant.

I agree that mass immigration is a bad thing for any country. But there’s a way to sell the issue. Pauline clearly was trying to play on the views of the “I’m not racist but dem chinks and reffos are stealing me job” crowd and succeeded brilliantly in doing so.

3 11 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
The interesting thing is after colluding to trash her in every way the liberals in particular Howard quietly adopted a goodly number of her policies.

3 11 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

That they did.

I’m honestly not unconvinced that her entire thing is just an act, that she figured how to get quick and easy power and celebrity by playing to peoples’ insecurities.

3 11 2011
Brain Fart

Naaaah Ash, she’s not that smart. Dumb as dog shit I say. Bit like Sarah Palin who knows all about foreign policy because she can see Russia from Alaska. She really did say that and quite shockingly meant it.

3 11 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

Palin is a prototype far-right robot with some sentient powers but iffy programming which leads to said sentience making some interesting judgements.

I will hear no debate on this matter.

31 10 2011
Brain Fart

@ JH, naaaah don’t do that to anyone, nearly spewed up me KFC when I heard her “Maiden” speech. Phftttt

And don’t forget everyone tonight “Housos” is on sbs.

31 10 2011
Jesse

TV is a really bogan medium. Only bogans watch TV!

2 11 2011
Brain Fart

REPEAT:
Piss Off, augmentative Cow.
Go find another website.
Please.
Thanking you in advance

14 11 2011
Jesse

I’m always happy to augment, but I’ve never been called a cow before…

31 10 2011
ripa

I don’t find it funny. It’s as though SBS is broadcasting my worst nightmare life. Scares the shit out of me. Was having a pre Cup beer & down the sink it went.

1 11 2011
Brain Fart

Yep, Housos was awful tonight. Not really funny, too contrived. Last week was better or maybe the novelty has already worn off. Mr Fart didn’t like it either

31 10 2011
the beef

I was interested to see what all the fuss was about in 1998 so I skipped school to go to one of those anti-Pauline protest rallies (she was attending the local town hall or something). Standing at the rear of the mob put me (in my school uniform) front-and-square to a photographer and my photo ended up on the front page of The Age. I copped a detention for skipping school. So since then i’ve even more reason to despise that awful person.

31 10 2011
James Hunter

The Beef,
There you go. You have a realy good reason for dislikeing Pauline. So much better thought out/reasoned then most.
Did you by any chance go to a Private School?

2 11 2011
the beef

Semi-private, semi-rural Catholic school.
It’s hard to believe the level of sound a fury she was able to muster in such a short period of time… ah memories.

31 10 2011
bogan

bogan

31 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness
31 10 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

I sent that to my mum. I hope she reads it.

Her excuse for driving a 4wd is that it allows her to see over traffic. Yeeeeah. Honestly sometimes I think I was adopted.

31 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

How does she see over all the other 4wd’s?

31 10 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

I’m afraid to ask and risk getting verbally glassed.

My mum and I don’t exactly have a great relationship.

31 10 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
Does she have those air shocks fitted that can make the truck jump up and down ? That way se be like meer cat have a look and pop back down >
Visualise please.

31 10 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

Lowrider style? Not as far as I know.

31 10 2011
martin

I’ve heard that one too. So what happens when everyone has a 4WD “to see over traffic”.

Ash, I can see you marrying a woman who insists on having a 4WD. I’m open to it for myself. I’m getting tired of fighting.

I was at car park today and I was envious of all the BMW 3 series cars, usually they’re the c#nts, but now they’re the more subservient and more respectful c#nts. The 4WD people are the devil’s spawn and are the scum of the earth.

31 10 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

Fark getting married. I’ve never seen a marriage that works.

Plus, I’m not stable enough for any woman to ever consider as a long term partner.

31 10 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
You will be much more stable when you stop wearing high heals.!

31 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Spot on Martin. You know who Ash will marry? Some Hillsong floozy who denies him #124 and he sees as a challenge. A lifetime of frustration ensues.

1 11 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

I’ll be dead in a ditch of a glassing wound before I give any woman a ring.

1 11 2011
martin

But then you could stop chasing boguettes for #124 on the weekends Ash. You could have #124 on tap, at least for a while until she gets all old and bitter.

1 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Like the old saying.

If you put $1 in a jar each time you have sex pre wedding and take out $1 each time you have sex post wedding it is doubtful you will ever empty the jar.

1 11 2011
martin

You could buy a whole harem of Asians or women from the eastern block for the same amount it costs a western woman, I think the muslims are onto something. Except you can’t drink piss. That would suck. You need both chauvanism and lots of alchohol for the perfect fantasy life.

1 11 2011
James Hunter

Martin, Is that why they call that place “Beirut” ?

1 11 2011
martin

You’re on fire James!

14 11 2011
Jesse

I’m not sure about gays because they can only marry overseas but that’s not true for heterosexuals. There are heaps of surveys of sexual health and relationships in the last 20 years in Australia that show married people have more sex than singles

14 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Are you married to a Nymphomaniac Jessee?

14 11 2011
James Hunter

Simon, I think Jesse is Muslim and has a gaggle of wives.

1 11 2011
James Hunter

Martin,
Then he could have Bitter on tap ! bhahahahahaha

2 11 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

Ha ha. I’m not unconvinced that they actually lied to me in sex ed, that once you get married you don’t actually conceive children through sex but through some other way. Cause I can’t for the life of me figure out how else myself and my sisters were conceived.

In other news, I’m one step closer to my goal of being featured on Is Anyone Up.

2 11 2011
Brain Fart

Ash, your sisters were conceived because your mother sat in your father’s bathwater. Same for me.

28 11 2011
moar caek

you can’t conceive of your parents conceiving because they’re past it now Ash but back in the day they would have been fit and hot and at it like a pair of saucy French rabbits! Perhaps think about them back in their younger days, sharing a doobie, dimming the lights, getting out the hypnotic fantasy oil… you can fill in the details… hungry kisses, roaming hands, a swell of buttock, engorged flesh, ecststic moans. Just thrashing it.
does that help?
be thankful they didn’t share your own proclivities Ash, or you would have been Mr Hanky!

28 11 2011
James Hunter

Born inside a cotton sock ?

28 11 2011
moar caek

28 11 2011
James Hunter

Just on the matte of “Breading like Rabbits”
Introduced to UK in 1950s for fur farms mink havelong been feral and kill everything from fish and frogs to song birds and rabbits. Huge problem and a national campagine is being wage to eredicate them.
Just immagine
Lady muck to simplar personage “lovely mink dharling, Siberian is is ? ”
No , whell reealy it is Glaswegian Sewer Mink ” Winter of 99″. “loverly feel to it eh ?”

31 10 2011
Mick

Our Paul Keating was bagging the 4WD on Wide Open Road last night. Said something about taxing them out of existence and finished with something like “There goes another bonehead, there goes another bonehead…”

31 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I’m warming to Paul.

1 11 2011
martin

A lot of people think he was pretty brilliant but he just didn’t have the patience to suck up to the bogan, hence his one term tenure. Probably would have been better than 12 years of Howard in hindsight. As soon as he saw the Maloos and the full arm tatts he would have legislated them away.

1 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I always thought Keating was an arse back in the day, mainly because he was associated with Hawke.

I appreciate his forthrightness much more now. Anyone who abuses city 4wds is cool in my book.

1 11 2011
Brain Fart

I thought he was just a cold shit. Then one day… he was facing a media’ pack attack’ on some issue, rather than answer them… he threw out a red herring by saying “We’re thinking of changing the flag”. The ‘pack’ totally forgot the issue at hand and went after the flag issue. He looked at them with a type of glee, in other words they took the bait and he just stood there silently chuckling at their stupidity. That was the day I realised he was quite smart. Still a cold shit, but at least he enjoyed baiting the media.

1 11 2011
Jesse

Are you sure that Paul Keating isn’t a bogan according to this website’s definition?

A bogan in disguise? Anyone??

28 11 2011
moar caek

quite sure!
Quite!!!

oh my…
I feel faint…
Gough help me!

Paul Keating is the Anti Bogue.
you must be thinking of Mark Latham.

28 11 2011
James Hunter

I suspect that one; Jesse is not clear on what a bouge is and two jesse carries a secrete flame for Keating.
Mwah !!
Hmmm, Just thinking on that:
” Hi , Honey, I’m Home ” !!

28 11 2011
moar caek

spot on. Sadly, Keating had no patience for fools, whereas Ms Gillard has too much. I swear, this country was a hell of a lot smarter under Keating. Maybe the end of keating was the last barrier to utter boganisation. The idea has merit, Old Bogan was done to death by Hawke, Howard was the godfather of the New Bogue and Keating is the chaos between the S curves. Clearly we are back in chaos again. Maybe Hipster Greenies are the next curve?

31 10 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

My six degrees of separation story – when she was living in Sylvania Waters she was a neighbour of my godson’s maternal grandparents (same one who I punched in the face). If I had had a crystal ball in my teens (or at least a working Magic 8 Ball) I would have just built a low-grade nuclear weapon and dropped it on that street already.

*Disclaimer – I have never built a nuclear weapon in my life, I have no knowledge of how to do so or how to acquire enriched uranium, nor do I plan to do so in the future*.

31 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Sure Ash, you curries are born terrorists! You’d be doing us all a favour.

31 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Man, I should post a link to this comment to those libtards at left flank, there sure would be some wadded panties huh Ash.

31 10 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

Hell wiv that. Why would I do something for other people? I hate other people.

31 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Do it for teh kidz Ash, for teh kidz!

31 10 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

I especially hate kids.

If some little snot-nose brat comes around to my place tonight trying to get free candy, I’m gonna slap them, steal their candy and force them to watch me eat it.

1 11 2011
James Hunter

Ash, The principal are fairly simple though the tricky bits are in the detail.
After you get your Yellow cake let me know. Much better after you get your chunk of U238 or Plutonium give me a call.

1 11 2011
moar caek

Possibly the Godmother of Bogue…
just puttin it out there.

tbl continues to deliver.
you were too soft on the cunt though.
I hope to live to see the day she goes out in an Irwinesque blaze of auto-stupidity.
she’ll get a statue in gympie.

2 11 2011
Brain Fart

I love kiddies, toasted or baked its all the same to me. Trouble is when you eat a kiddie no one ever seems to ask, “would you like fries with that”. Yummo

4 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness
4 11 2011
Pandabater

Exreme is the saddest person I’ve seen in a while.
Happy Friday.

4 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I liked the girl who tattooed “stop staring” in huge letters across her tits.

She probably thinks irony comes from a miney.

4 11 2011
p'bee

with the terrifying sideways pointing eyes to just make them even more noticeable and truly scary.

4 11 2011
p'bee

i love the guy with two misspellings of breathe in his 8 word tattoo.

5 11 2011
Brain Fart

Hahaha “Jenius” was the absolute funniest, poor fool having to walk around with that on his forehead???????????

5 11 2011
James Hunter

Could have spelled it
Jean I Arse ?

5 11 2011
Brain Fart

Yeah, but the poor dumb bastard has that on HIS forehead…. for the whole world to see!!! Cringe, cringe, cringe. Perhaps the heading should have been “Engrish Tattoos”?

4 11 2011
Brain Fart

Hahaha tooooo funny

4 11 2011
James Hunter

Simon, I have seen a girl with “Enter Here” tattooed across her pubic bone and “Exit Only” across her bum. Is that cool or what ?

4 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

For my personal taste I’m going with a not JH.

But we do have opposing views on the value of tattoo’s.

4 11 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
She had some taste though by not using DayGlo Fluroesent ink !

4 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I will concede that point. Ash would be hoping she will concede the exit only rule!

6 11 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

If she is hot (read; skanky) enough I can waive the #124 requirements.

I have bogue and boguette stories to share from last night but will do so tomorrow after returning home. Night shifts suck.

4 11 2011
James Hunter

Ash wont be happy though because she had very short hair !

4 11 2011
urbanreverie

Just a quick message … there’ll be no Bogue & Boguette Show today. I have an exam tomorrow, then three exams on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and I haven’t been able to study yet because I’ve had other assignments due as well, even during stuvac. I’m sure you lot, being a fine, diligent, tolerant, patient and understanding bunch, will bear with me!

Besides which, many of you have been to uni because you’re a bunch of nerdy intellekshual latte-sipping arty-farty trendies whose heads are all stuck in the clouds above your ivory towers because you’ve never done a day’s ROOL work in your lives – so you’d know exactly where I’m coming from.

I’ll try and get Episode 42 punched out tomorrow night. The storyline’s in my head, and it will be worth the wait. Promise!

Oh, and I’ll ask Ash to pre-emptively glass anybody who is even thinking of complaining. 🙂

4 11 2011
James Hunter

Good luck with the exams Urban although with your maxtreem mental capacity you are bound to do rooly well.
Ash is like the Chinese womens feet.
Bound to please. !

4 11 2011
urbanreverie

Thanks JH 🙂 And keep the puns coming.

4 11 2011
p'bee

see, this is why you do a degree in the arts faculty – no exams.

5 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Hey Urbanz, good luck with ya fancy book learning, have a latte for me!

5 11 2011
urbanreverie

I usually drink flat whites with one sugar which I buy from the coffee cart outside Parliament House, but I’ll make an exception for you, Simon.

A bit difficult to glass c#$%s with a paper biocup, too!

5 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Paper cuts can be nasty!

5 11 2011
urbanreverie

Latte currently being had on you, Simon. It’s nice.

5 11 2011
martin

Buddy Holly glasses? Weird facial hair? Cardigan? Chip on shoulder?

You only go to uni for a short while Urban.

But it sounds like you’re doing real work and are stuck with the nogans and the Asians.

5 11 2011
Immanuel Karnt

That was my theory also. Even though I don’t fit in the Arts faculty at all. Even if I had no bogan tendencies I would still be philosophically wrong for it.

5 11 2011
James Hunter

Hmm but your understanding of philosophy , which is arts, is good enough to know that.
You are on a very close divide ?

5 11 2011
Immanuel Karnt

I’m sure it’ll be worth the wait Urbz. Having just started working nights last week and coming off a six-hour shift and nine hours in a #131 I’m doing on Saturdays, I myself don’t have the energy to glass any karnts. I’ve been on the go since 12am this morning so I just wanna sleep right now.

6 11 2011
urbanreverie

As promised, here is Episode 42 of …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2011/11/06/episode-42-hell-hath-no-fury-part-2/

6 11 2011
martin

Funny stuff Urbz. That’s your new bogan name. Urbz.

6 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Excellent episode Urbanz!

6 11 2011
Immanuel Karnt

Oi karnt, I started doing that shit first.

7 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I was doing it before you were born Karnt!

6 11 2011
6 11 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Whoa. That ain’t chump change. I’d almost take that as incentive to give it a try meself… Or get my scummy little underage nephew to take one for the team.

Just on the flipside, I wonder if the parents of any of these kids are getting $300,000 to tell Liz Hayes “Their Story”…

http://www.smh.com.au/national/plucked-from-poor-villages-boys-land-in-jail-20111105-1n14h.html

Would be more interesting than hearing some dopey little shitbag going “Yeah, nah, I gotz a maxxtreme drug habit, Liz. You enablin’ me now. Gonna blow dis cash on a Corey Worthington-style partay at me crib when I’m let outta this stinky shithole, yo. Much like me, it’s gonna be off da hook!”

And then the Indonesians will have to keep him.

6 11 2011
p'bee

isn’t it illegal to profit off crimes? and his defence has been based on the fact that he’s a drug addict, so wouldn’t this qualify as profiting off crime?

6 11 2011
urbanreverie

Yeah, P’Bee. I thought the same thing, but proceeds-of-crime legislation probably only apply to crimes committed within Australia.

My sympathy glands which are normally very plump and juicy shrivel into a tiny, desiccated little caper when it comes to people like the Bali Boy.

When you land at Bali’s airport, this lovely sign greets you:

http://www.travelblog.org/Photos/4585372

Australia is an economically advanced country which has one of the world’s better education systems. Fourteen-year-old middle-class Australian boys usually know how to read and write, and ought to realise after seeing that sign that getting involved with drugs in Bali isn’t a terribly good idea.

Oh, and good luck trying to get pizza and KFC and your Daddy sleeping in the next room in an Australian juvenile detention facility!

Oh dear. How could a bleeding-heart libtard like me be so .. so .. so CRUEL?

6 11 2011
Brain Fart

Yep, you have to be cruel to be kind sometimes. This little shit stands to make a fortune out this. Sigh x 1,000

7 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

So does Chopper get to keep the proceeds he makes off books, talks etc? I assumed so.

7 11 2011
BugsyPal

It is not illegal to publish your story, but the Commonwealth DPP can move to have any proceeds forfeited. This is not an automatic process – whether any or all proceeds are to be forfeited is at the discretion of the court.

7 11 2011
James Hunter

Peebee, They were after David Hicks money and he had never been charghed with anything in Oz and the confession deal with the yanks was under duress so there you go.

7 11 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

Oh shit.

Sweet Xenu, is it too much to ask that this kid just go away? Where was my F*cking multimillion dollar deal when I was busted with an ecstasy pill by my mum at 15? All I got was a slap and an earbashing.

7 11 2011
Brain Fart

Ash old chap, you should’ve gone to Bali and got busted by the cops. No offence, but your mum can’t compere to the Balinese cops and of course your mum would not have accepted baksheesh, like the Indonesians do. You could have been a “celebrity” by now and had your own reality show!!!!! Sigh x 1,000…………. We would all be begging for your autograph… well some of us would have been…………..

7 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Celebrity Ash!?

I’m genuinely unsure if the world at large is ready for that.

7 11 2011
Brain Fart

Why Not???
Even if Ash was ‘fugly’,
If he released a sex tape he could be famous world wide.
Looking forward to the next ‘ASH’ episode.
He took drugs when he was 15 and missed the fame bus.
Or should that be… fame busted?
All the poor bastard got was a slap in the head, now that’s not fair at all. No T.V. deal. no media offers, farkin unfair if you ask me. Oh wait a minute…no one did ask me. Ash if you need an “AGENT” perhaps we should beg Mr Glasser at Arms to step up?

7 11 2011
James Hunter

Brian,
Is that the world at Ash’s feet ?

7 11 2011
Brain Fart

Yep, Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust and don’t forget to groan or grunt out aloud please. Without sound effects whats the point? The world will be at your feet Mr Ash. Waiting with baited breathe…..for more. Apparently (didn’t see it) Paris Hilton took a phone call in the middle of a Shag. Mr Fart was married to a woman who ate apples while he was doing, “his marital duties” . He declared that the crunch of an apple, in his ear, made his man hood lay down and cry.

8 11 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

Yeah, all me sex tapes! #124 and all! Why haven’t I become a celebrity yet? Farkin hell…it’s all racism I tells ya. Them Aussies always keeping the immigrant down.

And no, I don’t need Simon, I have my new Twitter buddy Maxx Marxxon for that role.

7 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I know it’s low hanging fruit but surely an entry on Kim Kardashian is due. One of the trashmedia femme portals is doing a 10 page special on her marriage, 10 f*cking pages!!

7 11 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Isn’t that about one page for each day that the marriage lasted ?

7 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Yeh, or one for each “procedure” she has had.

7 11 2011
p'bee

i’d prefer tbl stayed kardashian free.

7 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Was that a metaphorical glassin P’bee?

I also saw today as I was driving around Vitamin Water has released a low calorie version. So I though, what? and went and had a look at a bottle, damn they cram some calories into their ordinary water. Evil genius’.

7 11 2011
p'bee

no, no metaphorical glasses being thrown. but everywhere seems to have a kardashian analysis article or twenty right now, and i’d prefer the few sites i use that don’t have a kardashian article to stay that way.

yeah, those vitamin waters are a joke. if i want colourful sugary water i’ll just have cordial.

9 11 2011
Mr Q

Plain old cordial isn’t anywhere near maxtreme enough for the bogan. Doesn’t come pre-made in a plastic bottle after all.

7 11 2011
martin

How about one on the Tea Party and Randists.

Good on her I say, getting married for 72 days and pocketing millions and millions of dollars. I wish I could pocket some major f#cktard bogan dollars and then insult them and the media like that.

7 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

And I guess if it all turns to poo she has you as a fall back position Martin!

7 11 2011
martin

Yeah I’d do her she’s hot. She’s got an arse that begs for #124.

7 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

F$ck you Martin, you’re shameless.

7 11 2011
martin

Just trying to fit in.

7 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I guess rodgering a Kardashian would help achieve that aim.

7 11 2011
James Hunter

Martin,
I doubt that with her experience fitting in would be a problem ! And her hair is pleanty long enough to get a good grip for the #124.

7 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Her Asian name apparently is Gai Ping Hole.

7 11 2011
James Hunter

Simon, Ash is hoping to Ping her Gai Hole !

7 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

so there was only one thing that I could do was ding a ding dang my dang a long ling long

28 11 2011
moar caek

Gibby Haines Simon!
how did I miss that?

“It’s a love thing, mostly Jesus and my car.”

“yeah fukkit!”

28 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Jez, I thought no one was going to pick that one up. Well done Moar.

7 11 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

Thanks for saying it Martin. I don’t think I would have avoided being glassed for doing so.

Old mate hasn’t done too badly for himself either – he’ll get a nice payout from the prenup and Kimmy’s supposed to be paying him $2.5 million to keep the ring.

7 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness
7 11 2011
p'bee

ick. those white speedos look like a nappy.

7 11 2011
Brain Fart

Wot’s wrong with nappies?
Have you ever heard of the cartoon, “Baby Huey”?
He wore nappies.
Yummo, am quite fond of Super Rich Old Men in nappies.
Bad luck I never found one.
(Rupert Murdoch was taken ).
Anna Nicole Smith found one.
Fill them up with artery stuffers, not stocking stuffers:
Double Cream, Double Bacon, French Cheese, Pate, Chops with double fat, chippies fried in Yak Fat and just wait a few months
and then dance naked in front of them.
Yep, toooooooooooo easy.
Don’t forget to mop up the drool.
Girls, we don’t have to go to Bali to be financially secure.
Fire up the frying pan ‘gurls’.
For us?
If it tastes good?
Spit it out.
Stay young and fat free.

7 11 2011
James Hunter

The worst of the lot are the long chain saturated fats followed closely by the Trans fats.
For long chain saturated you cant do better(worse) then Copha like is used in CocoPops
Trans fats hang out in cheap margarine and realy heaps in takaway food deep frying oil from places that dont change the oil often.
So your local Greasy Spoon takaway joint .
Happy shopping !

7 11 2011
martin

Nah, I’d never do fake boobs, well not that obviously fake.

American bogans don’t seem to be as feral but they’re sure a lot more cheesy and tacky. At least our bogans know they’re skanks and take some sort of pride in it, they don’t bother to try and look classy, because that’s what happens.

Hmm, might have a go of Q&A, have a spew at the libtards and the f#cken idiots writing Twitter comments.

8 11 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

I’d be the diaper wearing guy if it means I get to give the girl he’s holding #124.

I truly have no shame.

Or morals.

Or…well I’m just a generally horrible human being.

8 11 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
you reckon if people do not like your morals then; you do have others ?

7 11 2011
martin

Frank Zappa was a wise man:

“You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you.”

So if that means marrying a narcissistic princess for a few million and getting divorced not long after why not? Better than marrying a narcissistic princess, her divorcing you, and giving you financial #124.

The only bogans in this episode were the spastics who paid for the magazines and watched the wedding.

7 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Frank Zappa was wise indeed. He also said “don’t eat the yellow snow, coz that’s where the Huskies go”. As good a maxim as any to live your life by I reckon.

Q&A is yellow snow Martin.

7 11 2011
martin

Wasn’t too bad tonight, fairly libtard free. But the carbon tax came up again towards the end and I switched it off.

I want to bang Rudd’s daughter which annoys me a bit. Politicians and anyone connected with them should not be attractive.

8 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Think of it as revenge sex, that may help.

8 11 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

I wouldn’t mind one of Abbott’s myself. Call it hate-f*cking.

7 11 2011
Brain Fart

Yeah…. Hats off to the queen of bogan Kimmmmmy. She’s smarter than us by about 18 million smackeroonies. Saw a bit of her on TV (until I found the remote control) and heard her say about 5 times in 2 minutes, “my fans” etc etc Oh fuck!!! She’s got fans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8 11 2011
James Hunter

Brian, She is a ledgend in her own mind !

9 11 2011
p'bee

and given that one of her ‘appearances’ was at miranda westfield, lots of them seem to be from the sutherland shire, spiritual birthplace of the nab (sorry, ash, although i’m sure you’ll agree on that).

9 11 2011
urbanreverie

I’ll throw myself in front of you to protect you from the inevitable glassing heading your way, PB! 🙂

9 11 2011
Immanuel Karnt

I actually went to the Kardashian shit fest at Miranda. My motivation was sheer curiosity, along with the self-delusion that post-breakup, she may be looking for a rebound fling.

Let’s just say that I probably should have spent that afternoon masturbating to her sex tape and I would have more pleasure and been more productive.

However, it was all made up today. Dwyane Wade was in town, and he’s been my favourite NBA player since he came into the league even though I hate his team these days. I modeled my own game on him. So naturally when he announced on twitter he was doing a fan event I knew I would have to go come hell or high water. While I didn’t get a photo with him or my basketball training shorts signed, I did get a pic with his girlfriend, the one and only Ms Gabrielle Union. Star of Cradle 2 The Grave and Bring It On among others, and the star of Ash’s Dream Five (i.e. the five women who I would literally do anything known to man to hook up with, as long as I was alive and retained use of my appendages and faculties).

Just to prove I’m not BSing, here’s the evidence. http://yfrog.com/obhxfxxj That has officially become the best photo I have ever been in or will ever be in.

9 11 2011
martin

I’d do her.

I don’t think she’d do me though seeing as I’m not making 20 million a year playing basketball and I don’t have a ten inch dick like black fellas do.

Face it Ash, you wanted to pick up a teeny bopper who was there to see Kim. For some #124 after you had a romantic time having a milkshake at Wendys and looking at Ipods at JB Hifi.

9 11 2011
Immanuel Karnt

I can’t say I would have been opposed to that, however the KimmyK show left me too disgusted to consider #124 with anyone.

And I don’t look at iPods, I steal them cause I’m gangsta.

9 11 2011
Brain Fart

Quick Mr Karnt, make your own sex tape, release it to the hounds and become rich and famous like Kimmmmmy and Paris did. Mr Fart and I’ll come to your shopping centre event and cheer loudly for you.

9 11 2011
Immanuel Karnt

I’ve stuck naked pics of myself on the internet and recorded bad sex tapes. So far no maxxtreme celebrity has come my way yet even with my new friendship with Maxx Marxxon.

Oh yeah, Martin – if you don’t have a 10 inch dick I’m one step closer than you coz I’m a sick karnt.

9 11 2011
Brain Fart

You clearly need an Agent. Maybe someone on this site will step up and promote you?

9 11 2011
James Hunter

Brian, I would like to do a show at his media launch

9 11 2011
Brain Fart

If its a strip show? count me in

9 11 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

Since Maxx won’t return my Tweets anymore, who’s down?

9 11 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

JH, you know you don’t need to ask. Circus Bizarre are always welcome to share my 15 minutes of fame.

9 11 2011
James Hunter

Brian, Click on my name t6o link to my website

10 11 2011
Brain Fart

Oh WOW!!!! Heeheehee you win JH, didn’t realise I was dealing with a professional man, of such high standing.

9 11 2011
Immanuel Karnt

So yeah. Rant aside, I am too happy right now to cast any schooners. Although I would argue the Goldie is the spiritual home of the NAB.

9 11 2011
Dave

I think my favorite PH moment was when she decided to emigrate to the UK, a move that lasted all of a few months when she discovered that England was ‘full of immigrants’.

Clearly not packing a sense of irony there Pauline!

9 11 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness
9 11 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Wonder what Ash thinks about this ?

9 11 2011
Brain Fart

Very pleased to see that Pandas also follow the ‘Fart Family’ motto,
“don’t get mad…. get even”.
Wish Kimmmmmy and Pauline would lay under a tree.
Mr Fart would deal with them very appropriately.
In fact he has a manic gleam in his eye at the moment.
I plan to behave myself, just in case……

9 11 2011
Chris

Bogans also like to display stickers that tell people what “Real Aussies” are.

10 11 2011
p'bee

they need a checklist to make sure they’re doing it right.

10 11 2011
James Hunter

p’bee, Wonder if Ash has a pre #124 check list ?
Manifold heat,ON,Mixture ,FULL RICH,Secondary Fuel Pump,ON,Flaps 10 DEGREES, Trim,TAKE OF POSITION, Brakes OFF………………………………………… ?
Underpants OFF, Condom ON…….?

10 11 2011
Brain Fart

C’on JH make Ash a star, if anyone can do it you can.

10 11 2011
James Hunter

Brian, I will have to think of something suitable for him to do. After all we can’t have him doing a 124 to Dani Minogue or even Kyle Sandilands.
Maybe the Dry ice in the mouth and blow fog rings.? The White fog against his dark skin would make for good visuals.? Mind you I do not have a sword swallower.
Ash ,interested in sword swallowing ? Not many of them around. Maybe if I ask “The Space Cowboy ” nicely he will give you a few point ers ?

10 11 2011
Brain Fart

Dear Mr JH,
not Brian but Brain.
You see I have a little problem with me Brain, love
It just keeps sort of farting.
Thoughts of all sorts just sort of pop out
at the wrong time and place.
Mr Fart has serious gas but it comes from his bottom,
mine seems to always come from my brain.
Phftttt you see….. that’s the evidence
Ash deserves to be a star

10 11 2011
James Hunter

Brain,
You see I am Dsylexic and realy don’t see the two words as different unless I sort of stop and look. My reading is more contextual then most i suspect.
Now that you have pointed it out i will always see it your way.
Yes I agree, Ash deserves to be a star in his own time.
With out John Sngleton and with out a publicist . Hmmmmm.
Exposure is what he needs, exposure of the right kind mind. Not to walk down George street Starkers. Hear that Ash ! Don’t be rude but tell us your strong points .

10 11 2011
Brain Fart

Thank you JH, I have a rogue brain,
Mr Fart laughs and laughs all the time.
Mind you since he saw that panda clip,
I’m plurry too afraid to sleep.
Yep, Ash deserves to be a star,
maybe he needs more grunting and groaning for his tapes?
When he makes his shopping centre debut,
We should all turn out to cheer him.
Ash could be the next Warwick Capper???
Oh, how famous he could be,
If you take him under your wing.
Hey Ash do you look nice in short shorts,
can you dye your hair blonde and grow it long?
Can you promote yourself endlessly?
Oh sorry, I forgot that’s up to JH, he’ll promote you
and I’ll cheer

10 11 2011
James Hunter

I could make him up in a “photo negative” of the way our girls look.
Can you immagine; Ash short loincloth, all body hair shaved off , skin very lightly oiled for gloss, blond hair,long and white nail polish on fingers and toes .white eye liner and white lippy. ?
Pretty wicked I’d think
we could give him some strong man stuff to do like bending steel bars.

10 11 2011
Brain Fart

Oh Yummo,
Stop taunting me,
Mr Fart won’t be happy.
Since the Panda clip,
I’m scared
He won’t get mad,
He’ll get even. Eeeeeeeeeeeek
I’m now on my best behaviour

10 11 2011
James Hunter

Mrs H used to pretend to be “little miss mouse” “hiding behind the tank stand.”
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10 11 2011
Brain Fart

JH, do you really think that Mr Fart will not do “The Panda” on me if I hide?

10 11 2011
James Hunter

The way I see it you have three choices:
Start doing weights and take steroids.
Have Mr Fart take anger management 2.1
Come over to my place where I will tell you are safe.
Bhahahahaha !

10 11 2011
Brain Fart

Mr Fart may do the “Panda” on me one day… but we all have to sleep…. and Mr Fart will never wake up, if he does the “Panda” on me. He’s smart enuff, to know that by now. Maybe I’m the one who needs anger management? heeheeheee

11 11 2011
James Hunter

Brain,
Let Mr Brain catch you looking contemplatively from the kitchen while testing the edge of your ham knife with your thumb.
let him see you feeding bamboo shoots into the food processor while growling softly.
Start buying “Stud” magazine or similar and read it when hes trying to talk with you.
See can’t take me anywhere.

11 11 2011
Brain Fart

Heeheehee you make me laugh lovely.
Mr Fart is the most wonderful man in the whole world.
I’m the most lucky woman in the whole world.
He’s funny; kind, warm, fabulous and slightly scary.
Not sure about the manic gleam in his eyes.
Fark, that Panda clip still scares me.
I wont’ get mad, I’ll get EVEN.
Dr Brain Fart

11 11 2011
Immanuel Karnt

That’s it. You two are hired as my management.

10 11 2011
Brain Fart

JH,
My Beagle Boy (31) son is also dyslexic but just so you can relax. heehee
He’s now a Captain of 747 jets for an Asian airline.
I’m so proud. It may be an Asian airline and he IS dyslexic,
But he’s not Kamikaze.
My son is half French and half Aussie.
With my past medical career,
can honestly say lots of Dr’s are also dyslexic,
So as you know it really has nothing to do with intelligence.
But you knew that anyway didn’t you.

10 11 2011
James Hunter

If you google it you can get a list of all the famous people with it, likes of Thomas Edison.
I have spent my life as a special purpose machine designer and trouble shootrer. Seems I can always look at problems differently and see solutions more easily then “normal” people.
So I guess although it caused me grief at school I have often thought of it as a special gift.

10 11 2011
Brain Fart

Yep JH,
Dyslexia is a special gift.
My Beagle Boy son did badly at school due to ‘dyslexia’,
But he was the one they called on stage,
For the year 12 play,
When the there was a electronic fault.
He fixed it too,
Loud cheering and applause.
He is gifted in other ways.
As I’m, ‘knowing’ you are too.
The 3 R’s are just BS.
The more dyslexics I meet,
The more I’m filled with admiration
Mrs Fart

10 11 2011
p'bee

this is fantastic: http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/more-mob-rage-after-the-break-20111109-1n60u.html

should possibly also put it in the tt entry.

10 11 2011
martin

Pot Kettle. Fairfax is in bed with the real estate industry.

10 11 2011
Brain Fart

Hahaha Fairfax is and always have been, morally bankrupt. Loved the journo’s statement about the “race to the bottom” Oh, is that what that media shite is all about??? Could never have guessed….. Heeheehee Evil Cackle

12 11 2011
martin

They appear to be no better than TT or ACA when they do this:

http://www.macrobusiness.com.au/2011/11/the-big-spruik-returns/

10 11 2011
Brain Fart

Dr Brain Fart. XOXOX

10 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Had to go to Adelaide’s North East Mc Mansion belt today. I forgot how horrific those areas are. Not a twig or an eave on a building anywhere. Do these people know we live in Aust with a hot sun? These homes are like little solar cookers.

11 11 2011
cækcækcæk (@Moar_Caek)

ugh.
TTP?
ugh.
we dont go north of Medindie (real mansions) unless we’re heading to the Barossa.

11 11 2011
moar caek

oops
wrong account.

11 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Hey Moar, how’s Cuppee. Lack of sleep making you cranky?

You’re right though, Ray is up there with John Farnham for credability.

11 11 2011
Pandabater

Ray Martin will be the first president of Australia.

11 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Panda,

Scan up, I posted a video for you.

11 11 2011
Pandabater

Yes. Yes you did.
2 days now & I still have not thought of an appropriate response.
*sticks tongue out at Simon*

11 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

*cuts off tongue with Interwebz Ninja Sword*

11 11 2011
Pandabater

Thaths not nithe you bathtard.

*dares not stick fingers up at Simon*

11 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

11 11 2011
Pandabater

Quentin is a complete nutter.
Not that there is anything wrong with that.

11 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

He makes good moofies. Except Deathproof, that sucked.

After this movie I can’t see appendages being cut orf without wanting the “ccchhhsssshhhhhh” sound effect for the blood spurt.

11 11 2011
Pandabater

He also loves Australian 80’s horror movies.
have you seen the docco
“Not Quite Hollywood”?

11 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Yes, yes I have. He loved Turkey Shoot if I remember rightly.

He also loves feet, perhaps a bit too much!

12 11 2011
Immanuel Karnt

I like feet.

15 11 2011
moar caek

yeah, feet are great Mate.

15 11 2011
moar caek

my faevrit fight film
(best viewed in the original japanese with german or maybe dutch subtitles)

12 11 2011
Davo-The only tradie without a $70k ute, tatts or a missus!

Where is Ray lately? Havent seen him on the ads for ACA or 60 min for a while. Is he dead?

24 11 2011
moar caek

he was on The Drum today.
the creature is out again. I bet he turns up on ten’s Project. give it a fortnight.

12 11 2011
moar caek

It shows, right?
I’m not too bad, but Baeks hasn’t had more than a four hour stretch in three weeks. She’s bearing up. Newborns have profoundly deep blue eyes and it makes it all worthwhile. Actually, it’s just breathtaking. Amazing. If you can find the time to stop and think about it.
(a boy without a winkie?! It’s a miracle!)
We have renamed her Chiese btw.
Chiese Caek.
At first it was all quince paste, but now she makes a lot of ricotta and american cheddar (“did ye get mah Cheese Wizz Boy?”) and one time this fascinating pesto arrangement…
a gourmet baby.

Sorry I missed you on Amy’s Ride, I was bedazzling “wolf & cub” on my angora speed suit.

15 11 2011
moar caek

she’s making a nice looking Dijon today.
and the usual volume of ricotta.

15 11 2011
James Hunter

So it is not “So Chumpy you can carve it “

15 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Milk poo, noice.

13 11 2011
James Hunter

Moar, looks like you’v been having your caek and eating it too ?

Personally I think anything North of Glenunga is suspect !
If you get past Prospect then you realy shuld have a local guide and have left your details with North Adelaide Police. Name address destination, expected time of return, dental records and a DNA sample.

11 11 2011
urbanreverie

But you don’t get it, Simon! Sure, there are no eaves. Sure, they cost hundreds of dollars a month to air condition because they have all the thermal properties of a greenhouse. Sure, they are entirely unsuited to the Australian climate, particularly the semi-arid Mediterranean climate with very high levels of summer solar radiation such as you get in Adelaide. Sure, the houses are so close together that you can hear your next door neighbour’s every fart, burp and sniffle.

But …. you get to boast that you live in a farkin’ mansion in Lend Lease Lakes! That’s got to count for something. Sure, you have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to pay it off, while your wife has to work full-time as well, leaving your kids to the tender mercies of ABC “Learning” Centres. Sure, the resulting debt-to-equity ratio in your personal finances will turn you into a nasty, bitter, resentful, selfish moron. Sure, the social conditions on these estates leave much to be desired – a bunch of white-bread identikit families, each living in their own little bubble, barely knowing their next door neighbour’s first names let alone surnames or what they do for a living, an estate with no sense of community at all, where everyone leads a life whose only meaning is to acquire as many consumer chattels as possible to impress the neighbours you barely know. Sure, the community facilites are pathetic and the only public transport is a bus that only comes once an hour and finishes at 6pm and goes down every back street between your farkin’ mansion and the Westfields mega-centre and takes forty minutes to go five kilometres as the crow flies.

But … you get to say to yourself that you live in a farkin’ mansion, and that you work hard for it (not that you have a choice once you’ve committed to such a mortgage). You then get to look down your noses at people who either choose not to live in a farkin’ mansion, or who aren’t fortunate enough in life to ever afford to live in a farkin’ mansion even if they wanted to.

So, please Simon. Don’t diss those new housing estates, or the people who live thereon. They’re living the dream! The dream, I tells ya! They’ve arrived! They’re living the lifestyle they’ve always wanted! And if you dare criticise the choices of those people who live in those farkin’ mansions … that’s just envy!

BTW, no Bogue & Boguette Show today. I have my last exam of the year in a few hours (I shouldn’t have even posted this rant .. but Simon touched a nerve!), then an end-of-semester function tonight, and work tomorrow. I’ll probably punch the next episode out on Sunday.

11 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

The trees Urban, where’s the trees? Yeh I know they make a farkin mess with their leavesnshit. Fark the tree’s huh, what are ya Bob Brown or sumfink ya bloody libtard tree hugging hippy koala rooter..

Good luck with the exam Urban and the pissup tonight. TBL carnt be farked with new posts, why should you worry.

11 11 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
For Tree huggers and PETA dingbats; recipe for Baked Koala stuffed with bacon,kidneys and nutmeg glazed with marmalade and mustard.
If Koalas are out of season use leg of lamb or at a pinch Labrador

15 11 2011
moar caek

Labrador is a bit stringy.

15 11 2011
James Hunter

moar, true but it doe have a bit of a bite to it.

15 11 2011
Brain Fart

I prefer puppy myself,
sweet and sour puppy
or lemon kitten.
Young and juicy is the key.
Same goes for men
a juicy young man
is way better than an old one
with hair growing out of his ears
and in other strange places

15 11 2011
James Hunter

same thing for me but with sweet juicy women without strange hair

15 11 2011
moar caek

agreed.
young men are nice with a light cucumber salad at this time of year. maybe a balsamic ragout in the evening.

15 11 2011
James Hunter

moar, sounds good. young ladies go better with a terry toweling sheet.

15 11 2011
moar caek

yeah, but it’s pretty hard to get fresh terry sheets in adelaide since the fukushima thing.

12 11 2011
Mr Q

But urban…. if you have eaves on your house, it will reduce the maxtreme size of its floorplan! You can’t have that! No eaves, and you might have to have a house without a rumpus room – what would your mates think if they came around and you only had a choice between the lounge room, family room and games room to entertain them in?

Perhaps you’d have to drop the parents retreat, or the home cinema room? Or perhaps the third bedroom would have to do without an ensuite? That’s just not living life!

15 11 2011
moar caek

tract housing has been a staple of the free market for generations Urbse. Western proles have been living in assorted variations on a theme in some newly devastated market garden hub/ reclaimed ti-tree swamp devoid of all but the most jejune arborage since before the talkies. But see the evolution of the breeder box from humble weatherboard and fibro through every shade of putrid brick and concrete tile to finials and columns and pastiche colonial or tuscan and then on to our beloved mcmansions. Graet Temples of hebel and plasterboard – testament to the mighty aspirational progress of Real Aussies. two thirds as much extra house on a quarter of the block. “They didn’t build them like that in your day Grandad, Come and check out the Plunge Pool!”
Suburb by suburb and untouched by modern architecture, the fossilised footsteps of a race retreating from the harsh carcinogenic sun and the terrors of community and into a cool womb of consumer debt in pretty flickering colours and transfats. as they move, generation by generation further out the freeway.
It’s a beautiful thing. A tale for the ages.

anyway; in fifty years we’re all going to be working for half a pound of TankMeat mince and a loaf of bread/day to make consumer electronics for the chinese, so building houses you can get more people in makes sense, especially if you can convert the massive garage into a sweatshop for your kids and rellies. You have to consider the future.

15 11 2011
Brain Fart

Well said Mr Caek, you a visionary or wot?
Not fond of tankmeat mince unless its puppy or kitten.
Maybe even a slice or two or a toddler could be noice
Yep and I would like fries with that please

15 11 2011
James Hunter

pickeld todler is the go

11 11 2011
moar caek

Is it just me, or is ray martin doing a Pauline Hanson?
trying to be all reasonable and sensitive on QandA. joining in the jolly japes on the Hamster Wheel.
here’s a tip Ray:
f#ck off you media whore. my memory isn’t that short. you’d be more at home on the bolt report you piece of shit. calling yourself a “journalist”? the bloody gall of it! you are a puppet and a schill. Show me a piece of Ray Martin “journalism” and I’ll eat my words. You are a maggot and the figurehead of Dumbing Down. Derryn Hinch has more integrity.

11 11 2011
James Hunter

Moar,
Yep Derryn is like Tom Euren, you may not agree but you can be sure that what he says he believes.
Totally unlike Martin&Bolt fuctards.

12 11 2011
Davo-The only tradie without a $70k ute, tatts or a missus!

Taking a 14 year old to Bali ?…… Taking a 14 year old bong head to Bali?…… Selling your story while your son is awaiting trial, pricless.

12 11 2011
Davo-The only tradie without a $70k ute, tatts or a missus!

It’s logical. Get rid of imigrants = no Pauline.
Fu(k it… Lets get rid of all rangas!

12 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Chubs and Mick , just polishing off a 2003 Brownhill Ivanhoe Cab Sav, not in the slightest cantankerous!

13 11 2011
Brain Fart

Mr Ninja, nothing wrong with a classy bit of chateau cardboard. You getten uppity or wot?

13 11 2011
James Hunter

Morris “Pressings” is not bad cardboard and for a realy easy drinking red try the De Bortelli “Merlot”

15 11 2011
moar caek

…sounds West Australian.
be careful Simon.
be careful.
geez, hope yr not riding home…

15 11 2011
moar caek

if memory serves me, Margaret River enjoyed rainfall in the 2003 vintage that was the envy of most of the country. The rainfalls throughout the season centred in winter and spring. “Winter was markedly colder than normal, promoting desirable dormancy in the vines. in peak condition for the growing season, starting with strong spring growth, g fruit set, and assisted in the vineyards reaching our deliberately low yield tar

rm summer followed with generally good ripening periods. Witages in the region. Some late rains delayed
harvest of red varieties, although warm weather immediately following the rain meant the vines recovered quickly, regaining baume levels within four days and harvest proceeded without incident.

, “Cabernet Sauvignon is excellent as usual, with intense cassis and mulberry flavours, fruit definition and ripe tannins.

but I might be wrong.

15 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Yeah Caek, that’s what my palate told me anyhow.

I had a bike race the next morn and powered by that precious WA nectar I finished in the money!

See Martin, wine is good dude

15 11 2011
moar caek

you get money for riding bikes?

Have you read Frank Hardy’s “power without glory” Simon?
that had a bit about bike racing. I always assumed it was illegal outside france. Nanna R*se gave me a handwritten sheet which purported to name all the major players in the story. where did I put that? Apparently it caused quite a fuss on publication…

where was I?

yes! wine! Stiffens the Blood and Fortifies the Frontal Member Martin. I’ll add it to my training regime as soon as I finish hand carving this new chain from these old files.
440 steel! bonus! I got them for a dollar each!

I started on some Ballard too Si. very engaging style he has, sadly I am time poor and don’t prioritise reading the way I used to.
gotta run, my roses are in a frigging state and little Chiese is stirring in the baby carrier on my chest. she doesn’t like it if I sit still too long.
little babies sure do grunt a lot.

15 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

$15 bucks Dude, only cost me $10 to enter. I may need to keep my day job. Good work on Ballard, enjoy. Have not picked up any Ian M yet but am keeping my eyes open.

17 11 2011
Mick

Pushbikes.

Simon, just read a notice on the board at the IGA. Francesco Moser bike. They any good? I know nothing about bikes. Maybe it is time to upgrade my old worn-out Nishiki.

17 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Yeah Mick, Mosersare high end indeed.If it is secondhand get someone who knows to check frame for cracks and runninggear for wear, check wheels are true and away you go dude.

17 11 2011
Mick

Thank you. Yeah, bloke I used to work with is some kind of guru. Australian masters champion or some such rubbish. Legs like a truck’s suspension.

Seems expensive though. Where does one find out what second hand bikes are worth? There doesn’t seem to be a redbook type site for bikes.

18 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

http://www.bikeexchange.com.au/bikes/list?search%5BbikeMakes%5D=955&search%5BisBike%5D=1

Mick, Check the above link. Pricing is hard to tell without full details. And it all depends what you intend to do. Are you picking up milk, getting fit, going racing. You can spend as much or as little as you like. Do you want racer, hybrid, mountain etc.

Second hand like cars can be fraught if you don’t know what you are looking for. This time of year dealers are selling the end of this years stock so you can buy new for practically the same price and then you will get warranty, support etc.

Post up the details if you can and I will have a look.

18 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Forgot to mention, fit is ultra important to being comfortable so the frame needs to be your size.

18 11 2011
Mick

No worries Simon, it was too small anyhow.

It was a thousand bucks. I was running along your idea of getting a good run out bike brand new for that sort of dollar. Any suggestions? I’m working on a plan of doing something athletic for my 50th in a couple of years. Some sort of triathlon or bike race. Looking for an entry level bike. I need to start training now. I hate not being competitive.

TBL# 135962. Being middle-aged and thinking they are still twenty.

18 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Ok, got the idea. Thing with bike riding is if you enjoy it you will want to upgrade within 12 months, it’s just what happens so wise to start at entry level. I started on a second hand bike and then dropped $7000 on my new bike 2 years later!

My 2 cents worth, depends what brands your local shop stocks, research the deal using the bike exchange site. Go for a full carbon frame. Gear wise I prefer Campagnolo but it can be harder to get than Shimano. With Shimano minimum 105 level groupset. I say avoid Giants coz it’s like driving a Camry, but they are good bikes. If you buy full Carbon it is almost impossible to buy a bad bike. Go for a test ride and buy the one you like the look of as well as feels good.

http://www.cyclingexpress.com/cycle/bikes-road-bikes-carbon/azzurri-forza-ultegra-di2-january-shipment-octnovdec-sold-out.aspx

These are outstanding value with electronic shifters and a good frame.

You can come and do the Alpine Classic with me Mick!
http://www.alpineclassic.com.au/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=24&Itemid=50

If you see something you like post it up. Alternately this is a helpful forum for all things biking. I’m on there as Daccordi Rider.

http://www.bicycles.net.au/forums/index.php

18 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Mick I have posted you a detailed reply but it is in moderation, not sure why, I kept it family friendly. Anyway it will pop up eventually.

For $1000 you only get Alloy and I would be looking for Carbon personally. For $2000 you will get good quality, full carbon, good gears and wheels. The $1000 bike will be too compromised and you will want to upgrade too quickly because it won’t really be up to the job.

Think Orbea Onix, Trek Mandone 3, Specialised Tarmac Elite, Scott CR1. Great deals out there currently. If you see something you like post up the details and I will check it out.

18 11 2011
Mick

Thanks for that brother. I’ll look around.

You’re the third to tell me to go carbon and not muck around. Mate says there are plenty of bargains to be had here because noone has any money.

Pays to be a Cashed-up Bogan at times!

18 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

You pay cash? Dis-a-count!!!

18 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Check this out, story about a race between a bicycle and a motorbike down Alpe d Huez.

http://www.bicycles.net.au/forums/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=46619

18 11 2011
moar caek

I’ve got an old Shogun with a sidecar, trailer and parcel rack, Mick. I guess you wouldn,t have much use for an angora racing suit up your way huh?

18 11 2011
Mick

I would chubby but I really don’t need a racing suit with chiese caek stains on it.

18 11 2011
James Hunter

You would certainly stand out in the crowd !
Especially the toasted chiese with the dark crunchy bits.

17 11 2011
Mick

Oh, well done you. We may have a problem though. I have just gifted and shared 60 bottles of Brownhill amongst my family and friends. Many of them have bogan roots like my good self. They have mostly enjoyed it and have made statements about buying some themselves.

Brownhill is a small estate. If the bogans make a run on it there will be none left for us three to enjoy.

17 11 2011
James Hunter

Mick,
StHallets used to do some dam fine drops ?
Esp : Pedro Ximinez sherry

18 11 2011
moar caek

or head up rifle range road, from st hallet past Rockford to Charles Melton wines. Charlie keeps the good stuff at the cellar door. Stuff you cant get otherwise. Best of the Barossa for this commenteer.

18 11 2011
James Hunter

moar, can’t say as I know them. Names not unfamiliar but must admit we spent more time in the McLaren Vale simply cause we lived thaty side of town,mostly.
Been explooring some of the Hunter Valley wineries and there are some dam fine drops. Vastly different to when I was a young sprout when Tyrrels were about the sum of it.

13 11 2011
Chris

Check Nine’s Today Show website and the click on the heading titled Meet the Team. Then tell me what you noticed about the team.

I’ll give you a hint. I’ve seen Karl Stefanovic talking to Andrew Bolt a couple of times and they obviously had a lot of time for each other.

15 11 2011
moar caek

how cool would it be to watch bolter and the stef in a Smashing Yourself in the Face with a Red Brick contest?
just the two of ’em.
Mano a Mano.
six degrees of fukking awesome!

13 11 2011
urbanreverie

And …. apologies for the delay, but here is your latest episode of …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

And this week – guess who’s back in town?

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2011/11/13/episode-43-a-twitch-upon-the-thread/

14 11 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

Noice, noice. Such a touching, tasteful gift.

14 11 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

BTW – isn’t Bogue due to get his licence back soon?

15 11 2011
p'bee

interesting turn of events…

now i’m anticipating the next implosion of bogue and ryan’s relationship.

15 11 2011
James Hunter

Ash, Where you bin? very quite lately .
By the by your title is getting to be so long you will need a TBL entry for it.!

15 11 2011
moar caek

Nah, Mate! Where’s your Wheelie Bin?

15 11 2011
James Hunter

moar,
Mine’s empty you know they got bin laden

15 11 2011
Immanuel Karnt

I come under many names, JH.

15 11 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
You are so fortunate.
I am lucky to come under anyone anymore !

15 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

#4123 – Not giving a Rat’s about their children.

Just read in an article that 18% of pregnant ladies still smoke. F*ck. Smoking is stupid enough but smoking during pregnancy? You would need to be completely brain dead.

15 11 2011
15 11 2011
moar caek

people would gently argue with Baeks when she refused drinks.
“oh just one or two is ok, c’mon.” She continues to refuse whilst Chiese is on the boob. People do that “virginia trioli with barnaby joyce” face.

they think we’re hippies

16 11 2011
Brain Fart

Old man barking, now I get the true meaning of ‘Barking Mad’. That poor woman, she been feeding him Pal or wot? Would have been better tho’ if he had his undies on his head and two pencils shoved up his nose

16 11 2011
James Hunter

Fart,
Did you see the one of him chasing cars ?

16 11 2011
Brain Fart

@JH, No to, “chasing cars” clip,
THE VOICES tell me,
A “rabies shot could be a good idea”?
More vets I say, and MORE lethal injections.
Not feeling kind today.
Been sucking lemons all day,
Lord Fart, interstate on business
My mouth looking like a, ‘cats bum today’
Miaoww, miaowww Lemon kitten Yummo…………….
From Lord and Lady Fart
Wave from a long white glove x 20

16 11 2011
James Hunter

Brain,
The vets with the lethal injections are great. They especially good for kids with ADD . Far quicker and more permant then Ritalin.
By the by did you know cats behave idiosyncratically to some lethalising agents. Sends them into Hyperdrive for about ten minutes then the just sort of drop dead. !
Now dont be lonley while His Lordship is away.. Just drop me a private line and I give you my address !!
Need to be discrete. Can’t have Ash getting in on it or he be dhere trying to #124 anything/one stands still.
!!

16 11 2011
Brain Fart

Oh Mr JH,
Mr Fart is away, [Intestate] I’m so lonely. =But am always loyal to Mr Fart. Would like to meet you tho’.
You could tell me all is OK.
Could you wrap your arms around me pleazse???
Dropping Dead, is good .

16 11 2011
James Hunter

Brain,
Just book us for Christmas show ! or come over for a Plunger ?Aldi coffe or some Chateau Cardboard De Bortelli Merlot.
MrsH and The Beagles wont mind. unless you smell of cat. they then sit at a distance and keep a very very close eye on you !
Now important shit. Look into moi eyes ,look into moi eyes ” All is well , all is well in the world of Brain ” (finger snap to the left your out of it ,your out of it)
Consider your self huas recieving Huggzzzz and (If I may) a little kiss on the top of your head.
There doesn’t that feel better ?
They realy do just drop like zap straight of the underside of the ceiling usually.

Remindes me of a stunt I was making props for but havnt finnished.
Large Cannon, Large banner with bulls eye on it hanging on wall oposite to cannon.
Cat in cage.
Place cat in cannon and push right down with cannon tamper ( as you do)
Fire cat at bulls eye.
What comes out of cannon is a toy cat cleverly made to look like the original bird slaughtering one we loaded the cannon with.
Cat hits the bull eye and falls in a limp heap on the ground.
I turn to the cat and holding my hand up in a stop signal say ” Stay pussy, Stay”
cat stays
Turn to audience ” wow look at that such an obedient cat ,look I ask it to stay and it hasnt mooved an inch” ” “such a well trained cat and this is the first time we have done this”
Curtain close for end of set.

17 11 2011
Brain Fart

Heeheehee evil cackle, I’m with you on the cat thing, cat hits bulls eye, how funny, The huggzzzz were noice, thank you. Mr Fart home in one hour from Sydney. XOXOXO

16 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Lucky ya don’t get ya skull bashed Caek. If Nimrod Gympie is still on the boob at 4 then you prbly are hippies.

15 11 2011
James Hunter

Simon, Exactly. The ones who get me riled are those with little kids either in prams of walking beside them. all the while Mum (sic) has a ciggie in her hand just six inches from the babys face. Littlies that age have undevelloped lunges and sinuses and the raw smoke does damage that will be with them all their life. Criminal assult with aggravation.

15 11 2011
Brain Fart

Yeah but Mr Ninja, the government needs all the $’s it gets from smokers and the kiddies will grow up to be the next generation of smokers so it’s win-win… especially for the governments coffers or should that be coughers?

15 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

You are right Fart, same as gambling. The govt wants to be seen to be doing something but don’t for a minute think they want to eliminate it. Far too much tax earned. Keeps teh battler in their place this being poor stuff ya know.

Smokers are filthy cretins!

15 11 2011
Brain Fart

Yeah, but smokin ciggies doesn’t cause people to king hit others then stomp on their head and kill them or leave them brain damaged for life; drive drunk and kill innocent others, glass people, shoot, stab and the list goes on. At least smokers only kill themselves in a non violent way. It’s those super VIOLENT piss heads who bother me big time. They’ll do anything to anyone when pissed. Shudder, shudder…..

15 11 2011
James Hunter

Fart, you forgot that smokers also kill their unborn and young kids.

Besides the ones that go right next door when they flip are the ones on ‘droids. Need to be careful with any one who looks as if they have quickly bulked up and has muscles trying to escape. They have hir trigger tempers and realy are uncontrollable and very difficult to put down if the cross over. Alcohol makes a good primer and I find addressing one of them as “son” works a treat as a trigger.

16 11 2011
Brain Fart

JH, it’s all good, pregnant women who smoke is the new form of population control. Too many kiddies on the planet anyway…… and tooooooooo many carnts all droided up, where’s the vet with his/her magic syringe when you need them? Remember that hideous song, “who let the dogs out”? Well more vets please.
If not we need a good war, that’s a wonderful form of genetic culling. No offence to the normal people in our armed services. I’ve had enough of the males aged 18-25 in this area. Narrow streets with lots of kiddies and lots of carnts in hotted up bogan cars screeching through doing 90-100k’s. Where can I get a set or 6 of police spikes to slow the carnts down?

16 11 2011
James Hunter

Fart,
Do it from the comfort of your front verandah.
Tripod 1; Spotting scope
Tripod 2 ; .243 with a 6 power scope
Alternative is to be out on the footpath with a pump action shot gun loaded with SGs. more messy but loads of fun none the less .

16 11 2011
Brain Fart

@JH, no need for a ‘scope’ had violent piss head father and was winning bets for him on how to shoot a ciggie in half at age 10. Wow, 303 kick back left my shoulder black and blue for nearly a week. We won the money tho’ and ate well for a few days, at least.

16 11 2011
James Hunter

At that age , sister and I did the Catching Bullet in teeth gig for the Oldies.
went down a treet with father. Mumsie was a lot harder to convince. !!

16 11 2011
Brain Fart

Best part is, “we had food”.

16 11 2011
James Hunter

Yeh .303 is good , bit noisey and unless detailed properly not necessisarily real accurate at any distance. we used to use em on the target range. Once WW2 ammo ran out civilian loads were a bit expensive.

Funny thinfg is aout of all the weapons in my life , shot more with a single shot .22 Lithgow . super light and very accurate and 26″ barrel so good range for a .22

17 11 2011
Brain Fart

gunnnaa by a glock and fix those fu(k wits who roar down our street at 90-100 ks.
Narrow streets, heaps of kiddies and grandmas, what will shit head say when he runs down the above?
Whoops….. one less kiddie or nanna?
The pox on all modern day ‘Beagle Boys’ and their entire generation

15 11 2011
p'bee

if a smoker had popped the giant balloon i got from the flaming lips’ performance at harvest on sunday (yes, i do have dirty hipster tendencies) i’d have glassed them.

24 11 2011
moar caek

nice gig.
I turned down the opportunity to see them once and regretted it e’er after.
forsooth.

15 11 2011
James Hunter

Nicotine: shrinks their dicks , shrinks their brain, causes periphial nuropathy, vascular obstruction,clots, strokes,cancer, makes their sking look like the hide of a long dead pig and their breath smell like shit.
Asside from that it does not harm.

15 11 2011
James Hunter

Mrs H just said as an asside ” Good thing about smoked babies is that they are easier to carve” !

17 11 2011
Brain Fart

Hahaha Mrs H wins, smoked babies yummo

15 11 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

I’m with youse on this one. Smoking sucks. Except bongs.

17 11 2011
Brain Fart

Mr Glasser of Carnts, I used to have breakfast bongs in my heyday, 30 odd years ago. Smoked one a year ago, no fun anymore. Yep, am ‘old fart’ now and proud of it.

15 11 2011
James Hunter

Mr Ninja, Hmmm not bad. Not roooly good but not bad
I think the word you were looking for was “coffins”
See “nailed it in one ” !!

15 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Even worse, in teh car JH. Grrrrr.

15 11 2011
moar caek

chewing gum is OK but.
right?

15 11 2011
James Hunter

Maybe, for some Chewing gum and Driving at the same time is a bit much.

15 11 2011
James Hunter

I truly believe that parents should be fined for smoking in a car with children and have their licence endorsed so if they do it again they loose their car for a month or two or three. Hell, untill the kids leave home.

15 11 2011
Brain Fart

Yep Mr Ninja I’m with you on that one, smoking in the car with kiddies is pure evil

15 11 2011
moar caek

I believe it isactually illegal.

15 11 2011
moar caek

http://www.mhcs.health.nsw.gov.au/publication_pdfs/8545/DOH-8545-ENG.pdf

in NSW it is.
They should cut your hands off if you’re caught.
dickheads

17 11 2011
Mick

Oh dear! This is for all those who thought I was making shit up about my colleagues.

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/the–200-000-a-year-mine-worker-.html

17 11 2011
urbanreverie

*jaw drops so much that my chin has a huge festering graze from rubbing on the lino*

O. M. F. G. You weren’t kidding, Mick. You weren’t kidding.

I didn’t get that job I was going for on the mines over the summer uni holidays. I’m now grateful for that. I’ve never glassed anyone before, but these people would have sent me throwing schooners left right and centre at the Moranbah pub.

17 11 2011
18 11 2011
Immanuel Karnt

*swings schooner in that carnt’s general direction, misses, gives up and goes to glass Boguette look-alike next door for not shutting up her dropkick kids when I want to watch porn in peace*

17 11 2011
Chris

Any of you guys seen Darren Aronofsky’s anti-meth ads yet?

Check this one out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12bvBHG6ChM

18 11 2011
p'bee

so…that 250th post…

18 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

NewpostNewpostNewpost

18 11 2011
moar caek

where?! Where!?
not so much as a tweet for a week.
everything else on the intarnets is crap.
except that barking man. he is awesome.
they must be having a bun on some Lingerie Model/Lawyer they met at a book launch.
for a week.

18 11 2011
p'bee

i think we need to start an occupy tbl movement. we are the 99% of comments!

18 11 2011
James Hunter

Peebee,
Come on far shake of the sav. I contribute reasonably regularly, in between Discus and The Drum.
Discus at Aljazeera is interesting and Discus at Fox News is good for a laugh. Reving up Yanks. Some of them get quite excited when they find that I join in at Aljazeera quite a bit. Seems to mean that I am a terrorist or even worse(from their view) a Democrat !
What is it that moar has in mind for the Linger-ay model’s bum ? a #124 ? head Ash “Off at the P-ass” !!

18 11 2011
moar caek

a buN.
James. when did you last wipe your goggles?

The Drum is fun.
but
When do I get the tiiime?

24 hour news circus…
I’m trying to grow lawn here!
I have to pull the centre console out of the disco and w0rk out where all the coolant is coming from…
Walk the dogs…trim the privet… make a shepherd’s pie and get the laundry in… watch The Human Centipede II {full sequence}… raise a healthy and confident child… stoke the flames of passion with my One True Love… go to Japan… play COD… plant those frigging tomato seedlings out… make sense of it all… get some exercise… meditate for a bit… crack wise… make the scene… get to work on time… pick up some milk… keep taking the pills… read the complete works of JG Ballard and finish a degree.
Any degree.

19 11 2011
James Hunter

Moar, and heres me thinking you were doing great. You do have it easy in SA with the tomato plants ! in NSW you then have to dust every few days and after rain to stop the bloody fruit fly. Hard to say which is more important the rekindling of romance or the raising of the child.I guess no matter how the child turns out it will eventually leave home wheras the her indoors you want a longer lease.
Now that we have solved the simple things, finding the water leak on the disco hmmm. favourites are the water pump ot the cabin heater core or hoses.
Finishing a degree? well I accept that in many circles it makes one more easily employable. Unfortunately degrees do not endow their recipients with any more brains nor any common sense both of which you have in abundance.
The 24/7 news circus is an indulgence of mine I admit but it is mighty entertaining if one does not take anything realy seriously , for to do so would mean a massive increase in the number and strenght of the pills !

19 11 2011
PluckedGrouse

The doctors only give pills with that strength to the elderly because some they’ve made it.

19 11 2011
PluckedGrouse

Oh to be the aged, & prescribed good controlled medication as opposed to scoring rspca banned chemicals from Eric Bana impersonators.

19 11 2011
PluckedGrouse

K, I didn’t make this comment.Infiltration?

19 11 2011
PluckedGrouse

That’s not even how I would talk. You are a noodle.

19 11 2011
PluckedGrouse

Who the fuck is this?

20 11 2011
Edna Focke-Witte

water pump at the heater core sounds about right. it’s in the cab (the leak). as fr as the degree – I’ve been “going back to uni next year” for about 20 years. some opportunity for max bux always comes along and gets in the way. I have poor impulse control.
and an unstable identity!
but that’s another story.

20 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Edna,givingbirthhadgivenyouamoremanlypersona.

20 11 2011
James Hunter

Simon, Edna diagnoseing the problem is good, Edna fixing the problem is even better !
My brother who is a motor mechanic says that generally a woman only has to take a tool box and walk round a car slowly so the vehicle can observe that if they dont get their shit together a woman will play with their entrails and magic car works sweet as !

20 11 2011
James Hunter

Edna, so long as when you do get the motivation you do not do an MBA. If you do you will surely loose all your common sense and most of your rationality. It will not even help to get a real job !
Mind you Economics degrees are worse. Still teaching Gaussian bullshit even though everyone knows it doesnt work.

22 11 2011
moar caek

bugger.

18 11 2011
moar caek

yeah. we totally pwnd this shit about a year ago. we’re probably tragics by now. Apparently even tbl have given up on us.
on the bright side, if we wanted to plot the downfall of western civilization or some such f466otry, this would be the perfect place to collude; there’s no way anyone else is reading this far down.

18 11 2011
Mick

18 11 2011
urbanreverie

Don’t worry, at least Urban Reverie still loves youse all. A new episode coming up in an hour or so. WARNING: Strong adult themes. Those with puritan sensibilities may wish to skip this week and wait for Episode 45 next week. 😛

18 11 2011
Mick

You’re the only one to come out of this with any credibility urbz.

You’re the Mork and Mindy/Laverne and Shirley/Joanie Loves Chachi spinoffs to TBLs shark jumping Happy Days.

The rest of us are Potsie, Ralph and Jenny Piccolo.

24 11 2011
moar caek

I’m lenny and squiggy.

19 11 2011
Immanuel Karnt

I have a sad suspicion that #250 will be the end.

Oh well. It was fun while it lasted.

21 11 2011
Waterskiing in a Leather Jacket

Get that boat ready Cunningham.

18 11 2011
urbanreverie

And, as promised, here is the latest episode of …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2011/11/18/episode-44-this-other-eden-part-1/

Warning: Contains adult themes.

19 11 2011
Immanuel Karnt

This episode forced me to realise what I’ve suspected for a while: I like Bogue a lot more than Boguette.

Sure he’s a racist, aggro, braindead farkwit who’s obsessed with conspicuous consumption…but so are almost all of the people I consider mates. Where as Boguette doesn’t remind me of any of the girls who I consider mates but does remind me of most of the exes that I hate.

19 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Thanks Urban, good to see commitment to one’s audience.

20 11 2011
moar caek

oooh, snippy!

20 11 2011
James Hunter

moar, what has the bush kangaroo got to do with anything ! ?

20 11 2011
Mick

Well, it is dinner time.

20 11 2011
James Hunter

Yum, Baked Skippy with a bit of plum jelly

20 11 2011
Mick

Yes, our national emblem on the dinner plate is much under estimated.

Not the emu but. They’re a bit gamey. Blergh.

20 11 2011
Brain Fart

Fond of the odd bit of sweet and sour kitten meself, not too mention puppy in black bean sauce. stops the bastards from pissing and shitting all over the place. Last kitty I cooked winked at me when I was skinning it. Mmmmmm yummo

20 11 2011
James Hunter

Brain, it is better to do the kittens in batches. That way you can put all the eyes in rice, middle eastern style ! Puppy in black bean sauce is nice as is puppy ribs in soy sauce and chilli and a bit of tomatoe sauce and some sugar then chuck in the oven on 225 fan forced for about 30 min.
Give the bones to the neighbours dogs and earn instant respect 1!!!

21 11 2011
Brain Fart

Hahaha Mr H, kittens in batches and eyes in rice…. you win, I give in. Can tell you’re a bit of a foodie tho’, but have you ever eaten your neighbours poodle? noice with a bit of sate sauce, but too much curly hair, got stuck in me teefe at times. Bit by bit or piece by piece I’m curbing the ‘pooping machines’ in the neighbourhood. Community service that is….. Pfffftt

21 11 2011
James Hunter

Brain, Can’t say as I’v eaten the next door neighbours poodle but one of them has a pussy who’s hair I could immagine between my teeth !

19 11 2011
PluckedGrouse

I honestly can’t believe educated people like yourselves didn’t realise that Ms Hanson was pure media bait. Sure, she didn’t speak with any tertiary eloquence but she spoke from her heart. I can’t believe that this women would turn anyone away from her door as ACA & the like would have us think. You guys have been sucked in from the one thing you are most scared of..popular opinion by media influence. Lord have mercy, if I believed in that shit.

19 11 2011
PluckedGrouse

Nearly 3 weeks guys and Pauline is your latest? I have just found his site. Need stimulation! So much promise, so little delivery. Sounds familiar?

20 11 2011
20 11 2011
Brain Fart

fight…fight…fight…! well done lady you make all us mums look terrific. Your kiddies will be proud of you when they get out of juvenile justice, monkey see, monkey do. Pfffttttt

20 11 2011
James Hunter

Just shows mums realy should carry a Glock when doing the school run.
Hmmm Black leather mini skirt and bolero with the Glock in a hip Holster Knee high bikey boots with straps and buckles, Now that would get their attention .Maybe a can of mace and a T bar batton on the other hip
Ok Brain, got the immage ?

20 11 2011
Mick

Jiminy Crickets!

JH, that sounds like an Ash fantasy!

20 11 2011
James Hunter

I would have ythought I would have most of the males on board ? and some of the girls no doubt. !I reckon Brain was just slightly excited by the vision ! Just enough that Brain bit through her bottom lip !!

20 11 2011
Brain Fart

Ahhh funny you should speak of Glocks Mr H……. was hoping santa would bring me one for X-Mas? We got plagues of crows and the odd ‘houso’ here and there. A Glock would come in very handy. If santa is too busy molesting little kiddies in the middle of the night to bring me one, I just continue on alone….. with my violent fantasies and ‘houso’ carn’t neighbours and the farken crows each morning. Day after day after day after day… Sigh………..Phfffttt

20 11 2011
James Hunter

Brain, Crows are very smart and extremly hard to shoot. They see you come out with a stick of a broom and they sit and give you the finger. You come out with a gun and they gone before the door is shut. Cormorants(shags) are the same. Only success I ever had with shooting crows was with a rifle and scope from about 150 yards.
Mind you a street sweeper like a Uzi or a Mac10 would be fun trying

21 11 2011
Brain Fart

Maybe Mr Fart’ll buy me an Uzi for X-mas then,
time he stopped buying me frilly knickers when all I want is my two front teefe and an Uzi.
Could sweep the street of houso’s in hotted up beagle boy cars,
doing 90-100 in narrow streets full of kiddies and nanna’s….
Doof, Doof, Doof BANG x 1,000….= ni-ni time for deaf carn’t houso’s.
Having violent fantasies tonite and none of them concern frilly bloody knickers
or s&m outfits

21 11 2011
James Hunter

Brain, Can I ride shotgun for you when you driving doing a sweep ?
I am real good at opening the passengers door to clip the unwary granny or toddler on a toy bike.
Does your car have a “Honk if you want to see an AK47 fired out the window” sticker ? Ask me over when Mr Brain is off somewhere and we see what we can do about those fantasies o yours !
all at about mach 0.95 weeee look mum no hands.

21 11 2011
Brain Fart

Hahaha Mr H, you make me laugh, one of the ‘Housos’ episodes had the Habib gang [persons of Lebanese decent], doing drive by’s when the one in charge of actually opening the window “before” firing hadn’t thought about the repercussions.
The whole gang turns up at the local E.D. complete with faces speckled in blood, the window of course, had shattered back in their faces.
Nearly cacked myself, this was followed by a punch up in the E.D.
First episode shockingly funny, but becomes a bit hard to take,
especially as I do actually know people whose vocab and life style is identical to many of the characters portrayed.
Would love a honk if you want to see an AK47 sticker, but a glock would fit more neatly in my hand bag.
Have to be practical about these things you know.

21 11 2011
James Hunter

Glock tucked in between the Mace and the stun grenade ?A good walking stick can be useful especially as it makes the black hats underestimate you and the constabulary wont be as offended as if you carrying a T- bar Batton !
Hey Im going to bed .See you when I’m looking at you.

21 11 2011
Chris

I’ve always been perplexed by the Happy Days opening credits because they say “And Starring Tom Bosley” Who really was the star of Happy Days: Fonzie, Ritchie or Mr C?

I’m also loving the re-runs of Happy Days and Family Ties on 11. I must’ve seen Family Ties a million times because I even remember the punch lines of the gags. But as for Happy Days, I hope they push on right through to the end of the last season, because I don’t think I’ve seen that many episodes from the last two seasons whereas I’ve seen the earlier stuff dozens of times. I need closure guys and the only way I’m going to get is by seeing every episode of the last two seasons.

21 11 2011
James Hunter

Chris ,
It must take real dedication to watch so much American TV ?

21 11 2011
Brain Fart

Sad Chris, very sad, their is life after ‘shit com’s’, really trooly their is

21 11 2011
Chris

Re Housos: the type of people that show is based on is a good example of why people should be kicked off unemployment benefits after two years for at least twelve months. Unemployment benefits are supposed to support people while they’re looking for a job. What we’ve got is a growing underclass that’s adapted to living on unemployment benefits and are content to just stay on them. Kicking them off benefits would motivate them to break the cycle of welfare dependency and foster self sufficiency. However, to be fair, you’d have to give people the right to appeal on the grounds of special circumstances and of course you’d have to suspend this policy during recessions.

21 11 2011
James Hunter

Chris,
Problem is some of them are unempolyable. Thing to do with them is compulsory sterilisation to stop them breading more of the same. !!

21 11 2011
Chris

James,
Yeah, that is a problem. Ah well, back to the drawing board.

21 11 2011
Brain Fart

Yep sterilization is the way to go,
but because we are fair, liberal minded and generous people on this web site,
3 strikes and their out.
3 court appearances, then out come the snippers,
same for the gal’s except there is a contraceptive injection, once a year.
Indira Gandhi’s son Sanjay had a good idea back in the 70’s,
each one who was snipped was given a free pocket sized transistor radio.
Of course this was back before the days of Ipods,
we have to weigh up the cost to society,
free Ipods or toooooo many kiddies?
Ipods I say

21 11 2011
Chris

A no baby bonus. I like it.

21 11 2011
James Hunter

To the tune of a junk food add “I like it like that “

21 11 2011
James Hunter

Hey Brain,
Want to set up a “Snip Clinic” with me ?
I have a halfway sharp pair of kitchen shears

21 11 2011
Brain Fart

Win- Win
My pleasure Mr H, but only if I can be nurse Rachel from ‘one flew over the cuckoo nest’. When I become Prime Minister i’ll add it to the hoon laws, no 3 strikes we just impound the car and do the snip, guaranteed to stop them breeding. we sell the cars to fund the Ipods! can ewes all see I’d make a good treasurer too, keep the budget balanced and rid the streets. 2 for the price of one. win win I say and yeah please bring the kitchen shears who cares if they’re sharp or not

21 11 2011
James Hunter

Sounds like a plan Brain. The nurse we used in 2006 Adelaide Fringe is not on our website unfortunately. She costumed up in a white gloss plastic short short nurses uniform with acres of cleavage. Funny thing is she was actually a nurse in real life. Does that sound sound ?
Wonder is the ipods can all have gps tracking? that way we can issue alerts when ever they approach civilised neighbourhoods ?Bit like a “lost in space” scene. “Warning ,warning ,warning ,alien life form approaching”

21 11 2011
Chris

@James: Nah, I watched most it when I was a kid and I’m catching Family Ties and Happy Days now on the odd occasion. I actually don’t watch much TV. I tend to watch ABC News 24 and watch DVDS once my kids have gone to bed. I watched Enter the Void on Saturday night and I’m looking forward to seeing the Tree of Life, so I can see how they compare.

21 11 2011
Chris

251: Walking the Kokoda Trail and telling anyone who’ll listen how much appreciation they have for what the Diggers went through now they’ve walked Kokoda themselves.

21 11 2011
Mick

Well, colour me bogan.

*slinks away with an embarrassed look*

21 11 2011
Brain Fart

Excellent Chris, good on you old chap.
however this would raise the standard of my fave site way toooo high.
I only come here so I can be politically incorrect
and as revolting as possible.
I have too much respect for our diggers to say nortie things.
my uncle fought against the japs on the Kokoda and refused to speak of it. then of course the japs were only doing what they were told to do.
Topic is wayyyyyy too serious to have on this site.
this is the only place that I know where some of us can let it all hang out, no holds barred.

21 11 2011
James Hunter

Brain,
Without getting way too serious and writung a thesis , my dad fought the Germans at El Alemain and the Japs at Milne Bay. His view was that The atrocities of the Nazi SS were far less then those commited by japenese regular army. Reaso being the Germans were supposed to be culturally and ethically and morally similar to ourselves and yet the nasties went outside that. Unlike the regular German armed service personell who he laways found to be decent chaps ,
The japanese though were behaving totally in character with their societies standards and were therefore not morally culpable.
There I hope that was succinct enough
Dont get me going though on the morality of American police bashing protester . They are behaving in character (redkneck, biggoted macho thugs) but also they are supposed to be a society with western European roots and values.

21 11 2011
Brain Fart

Yep, got you Mr H. the ABC had a program on radio Nat dealing with stories of diggers surviving the jap POW camps. Cried and cried….so choked couldn’t listen to the whole series. “our boys” and Weary Dunlop’s story. Cannot bear INJUSTICE.
In real life scenarios it’s unbearable.
Writing P.I.C. stuff here, is just another ‘brain fart’,
but real life suffering
is just not, not, not, not funny.
As an official Grief Counsellor/Social Worker
(not jewish, who cares anyway)
Once upon a time,
Knew some old ladies who had been in Hitlers camps
and O.M.G….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Heard their stories.
God, do you really exist?????????
Nuff said for today by me,
this site for me: is supposed to be a place to be: rabid,
stupid, blase,
(in my case revolting),
P.I.C. and just have
multiple brain farts for a lafff or 10.
Chris had a terrific idea
but prefer…. not here.
Not my site,
not my decision.
So best wishes to ya Chris.
You are noble indeed.

22 11 2011
James Hunter

“Nazis SS were far WORSE typo sorry.

21 11 2011
Chris

You know guys, when people talk about how much appreciation they have for the Diggers after walking the Kokoda Trail it begs the question “if you didn’t
have any appreciation for them prior to walking Kokoda why did you book the trip?”

There’s also the issue of walking the Kokoda Trail as a tourist not being the same thing as walking the Kokoda Trail as a POW.

But don’t get me wrong, I have a tremendous amount of respect for the ANZAC spirit that’s currently being shown by the OWS Movement.

21 11 2011
Mick

You’ve hit the boganity nail on the head Chris. I walked it years and years ago before it became the thing to do. Did it because of the history and family members who were there. Now they’re all doing it because it’s the in thing…the place to be seen. It’s not a walk of contemplation anymore, it’s something to skite about.

Bogans come in late and spoil it for the rest

22 11 2011
Brain Fart

No skiting lovely,
Balled my eyes out when I heard our ‘diggers’
tell the true story of how horrific it was….
Via Radio National.
My uncle told of bathing
and drinking from the river.
(Only told to me, I’m a professional Counsellor).
All diggers got sick.
One day they saw a dead jap floating down the river
‘the same river, they drank and bathed from’.
Happy to be outrageous
and as obnoxious as possible
on this site,
but cannot and will not,
make fun of our
“Diggers”
or of any war.
EVER….

22 11 2011
Chris

Who’s making fun of the Diggers? I’m making fun of the morons who mindlessly walk the Kokoda Trail because it has become fashionable among Bogans to do it.

22 11 2011
James Hunter

Chris, Not so sure that Brain thought you were making fun, just a strong aversion to it ?

22 11 2011
James Hunter

News.com (appologies for being on there site) have a story this am about nurses risk JAIL.
Editors can not even use Australian English, bloody American cultural (sic) imperialism. Hrumpf !

22 11 2011
martin

As far as I know that’s been officially changed James. It’s now jail and not gaol. Sorry.

22 11 2011
James Hunter

In British official use the G is the go in journalistic and litery both are concidered acceptable in the usa the j form predominates..
I still think it is usa cultural imperialism !! Bloody Microsoft always trying to tell us how to spell !

22 11 2011
Brain Fart

Naaaaaaaah ewes is all wrong
its now called jayle

22 11 2011
James Hunter

Brain, Bugger, have to rewrite my doctoral thesis.

22 11 2011
Chairman Miaow

Aah, good folks of TBL land… I had to come back and tell you that the insightful Tomba is giving Celeb Apprentice a tasty kicking on the SMH site. Good work as per usual.

http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/julia-morris-wins-celebrity-apprentice-20111121-1nraz.html?comments=63#comments

And even better, she’s reminded me to head back here after many moons away. Greetings, love and glassings all round!!

22 11 2011
p'bee

i saw tomba’s comment, it was great.

22 11 2011
Brain Fart

Hi CM, thanks for the link. That was a well written piece, didn’t/wouldn’t watch that show, but loved the writers take on it all…. complete with ad breaks. Thanks for the laffs

22 11 2011
James Hunter

Meow, Miaow

22 11 2011
Chairman Miaow

Ha! Hey JH! Still stretching your nuts and the boundaries of opinion I see.

22 11 2011
James Hunter

Some of the opinions stretch the immagination !

22 11 2011
urbanreverie

Tomba’s still alive? Wow! She hasn’t been here in ages. I miss her.

And hot damn it, where the hell is Turnips? He said he was going to go on a self-drive holiday in southeastern Australia in a bright yellow car with dashing flair or whatever, then we never heard from him again.

BTW, TBL crew … if you’ve been scratching your head for a fortnight trying to think of something for #250, I have one for you … #250: Copy-Paste Facebook Status Updates. It’s a rich lode, I tell you!

I’m only sharing it with you because I can’t think of a way to incorporate copy-paste updates into the Bogue & Boguette Show. 😛

22 11 2011
Mick

yes, I miss tomba too. *sniff*

#250. Harley F#cking Davidsons.

C’mon TBL, you know it makes sense.

22 11 2011
moar caek

Tombarina was my favourite.
and chubbybloodfart,
he was hilarious!
and very very clever.
and sooo handsome.

~sigh~

#250 acronyms
i couldn’t be bothered explaining it.

22 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

I thought I was your favrit.

Pfffttt Whatever.

22 11 2011
moar caek

nah. you’re edna’s favrit, I think you’re a yellow square whose eyes are too close together.

…but in a good way

22 11 2011
James Hunter

moar, I miss Pinky, Bhahahahahahah !!

22 11 2011
moar caek

she’s on teh Twitters james.
do you go to twitter?

22 11 2011
James Hunter

moar, Twitter,? . Nno I have not advanced/regressed to twitter. Does one look for “Pinky” or an address?
I do have her email address so maybe I should drop her a line and remember the site to her ?

22 11 2011
22 11 2011
martin

We can’t stop on some festy old ranga.

The last one should be four wheel drives. FFS, they are indisputedably bogan.

22 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

#250 – Going to war

Whenever a bogan thinks something is hard they say “It’s like a warzone out there” or “I’ve been in the Trenches with me mates”

Rugby League bogans are especially guilty of this.

No you f%cking have not, did you get shot at? Did you have to sleep in said trench for 6 months eating rats? Are people trying to blow you up everynight.

The hardest you’ve had it was when your Latte was luke warm dipstick!

22 11 2011
martin

Yep, a true bogan always thinks it’s life is the hardest, no matter what. Even if it’s making a $100k a year as a lollipop man in the moines! It’s tough sending jaiden, kaiden etc to the cafflick school and paying off the mcMansion on that!

22 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Those farkin bruthers I tell ya I feel like I been to war everytime I have to deal with those pr$cks.

22 11 2011
James Hunter

Simon, Thats the problem, most of those brothers are farkin… little boys

22 11 2011
Mick

Indeed.

Funnily enough, you never hear a soldier fresh from combat comparing the battle to the U17 grand final they played against Valleys at Neumann Oval.

22 11 2011
moar caek

because Valleys were a pack of panty-waists.

as you all well know, I turned my hand to soldiering for a time, and I’m more than happy to confirm that tooling around Fiji (on active duty) on the Tobruk back in ’86 was nowhere near as gruelling as Wickers v Brothers at coogee for the ’83 Club Championship. The video of the match is banned in seven countries.

22 11 2011
James Hunter

Have we had one on “outback “utes? Bull bar of a road train,full width mudflaps with chrome recling crome naked ladies six Cibe Super Oscars on the roof and more whip aerials then a prawn trawler ?Always some stickers like” Oodnawoopwoop B&S “, ” I’m only in it for the circle work”

22 11 2011
Mick

Old Skool Bogan.

22 11 2011
moar caek

what if it’s a real 4wd and 0ne actually 4wds it?
bugger you Martin. what about boats? boats are pretty stupid.
I bet bogans dig on boats. Heaps.
I need a 4wd for when the revolution comes.

and to tow the boat.
if I get one.

22 11 2011
James Hunter

moar, boats. wow good one.
A boat is a hole in the water that the owner trys to fill in with money.

22 11 2011
moar caek

I thought that was a horse?

so you can’t run a boat on lucerne and molasses eh?
that makes sense now.

23 11 2011
martin

Yeah sure no worries if you actually use it for what it was intended for.

When I am dictator all 4WDs will look like the old Landcruisers so soccer mums and wankers won’t want them.

24 11 2011
moar caek

The FJ series cruisers built this country. The bits which weren’t built by Land Rovers that is. A mighty vehicle and nigh on bulletproof. Imagine my horror and disgust when Toyota deciced to label this piece of shit “The FJ Cruiser”
http://www.toyota.com.au/fj-cruiser/features/car-design?ModuleName=Retro+inspired+Design&ModuleLoc=/fj-cruiser&ModuleCTA=Image&ModuleState=&ModuleInteract=1&VehicleConversionID=FJ+Cruiser
“A legend returns” warble the PR team.
even Bogans couldn’t be stupid enough to covet this vile thing.

22 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Thanks Chairman,

Good to see you dude, and Tomba.

Also love the site you linked us to. First news site ever to publish a glassing. Things are looking up.

Oh, and TBL, f$ck you.

22 11 2011
moar caek

what if tbl are dead?
you will feel sooo bad about saying f$ck you.

23 11 2011
p'bee

i guess we’ll find out when someone goes to investigate the funny smells emanating from their various abodes.

23 11 2011
martin

That’s what I was thinking. They got hunted down and lynched by a bogan mob. Poor TBL. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

24 11 2011
James Hunter

maybe speared by blacks on the way home ?

23 11 2011
Chairman Miaow

I’m thinking the comments section of smh may be the venue for some undercover ninja-type bogan slagging of the subtle kind, now that we appear to have been 124’d by tbl… see you there.

And moar – congrats to you and edna on the new cost centre in the family. May she have her mother’s looks and her father’s erudite capacities (whoever he might be…)

24 11 2011
moar caek

Your presence illumines our benighted corner of the internets.
your congrats are accepted in the spirit intended and I return the most sincere felicitations with a wit so subtle and sophisticated as to be virtually imperceptible to the average consciousness.
am I allowed to read the SMH from adelaide? is old media on the new media still just old media? if I do come up with a witty riposte can you give me a job please? I don’t want to go back to work and advertising looks like a good place to hide. (it’s just pro-tools/photoshop and banter last time I checked)

22 11 2011
moar caek

what the hell happened then?

has the world ended?
hello?

I thought it would be louder.

Hellooo?

well.
I guess this is it then.

everything is white… I thought it would be black, for some reason.

which way should I go then?
will Max Headroom be here? I bet there is a place where deleted things go.

22 11 2011
moar caek

what the hell is this?
how did I get trapped on the mobile site?

22 11 2011
Mick

Relax. It’s just the lack of sleep that parenthood brings that is doing it.

You only think you’re on the mobile site…think the Matrix.

22 11 2011
James Hunter

moar, maybe you trapped inside the Large Hadron Collider ? Even God can’t find you there !

22 11 2011
moar caek

so if we had all been sucked into a singularity caused by the LHC, how would we tell?

I saw someone defending the honour of Richard Feynmann today,
…where was it… here we are:
http://nige.wordpress.com/2008/12/20/summary-explanation-of-some-non-mainstream-quantum-gravity-evidence/

probably a loony. I can’t understand a word of it, but Feynmann was an excellent science communicator. I am so grateful to the people who can break it into bite sized chunks so dullards like me can share in the wonder of it all.

the honour roll:
Sagan.
Azimov
Clarke
Suzuki
Hawking
Kruszelnicki
and this bloke:

23 11 2011
Mick

Rob and Dean from The Curiosity Show.

Never forget Rob and Dean.

28 11 2011
moar caek

Rob’s Beard with no Mo thing may have faintly traumatised me.

23 11 2011
James Hunter

moar, I don’t know weather to say”Exactly”
or to say that I will appreciate it more when someone finds one of these Gravitrons and puts it in a box where we can get a look at it.
None the less I have emailed the article to myself so that I can spend a few years trying to understand 1% of it.
All these challenges and so little time left !

23 11 2011
James Hunter

moar , sorry ment to say, if we all in a singularity it would not be would tell but could ! if light cnt get out what hope speach or thoughts.
Hmmm forgot a womans voice would do it !

23 11 2011
Chairman Miaow

Completely agree on Sagan.

The man inspired me on several fronts; one of which was writing.

His blue dot is the pinnacle of writing excellence.

Everyone should see this at least once.

23 11 2011
moar caek

bravo.
cosmos for me.
and The Demon Haunted World. I keep the book in the glovebox in case of microboredom attacks.

24 11 2011
Brain Fart

CM, sorry but your link led to one of the longest brain farts I’ve ever seen. Puts me to shame he does, i’d like to catch and glass him…… for farkin with my head

24 11 2011
Chairman Miaow

Brain, never a bad thing… and catch him if you can.
Depending on your religion, he’s back as a tree, propping up retarded thinking in Heaven, taking geyser spas in hell or floating in a tranquil pond somewhere. Or snuffed it. Stone dead. Bleedin’ dismissed.Definitely deceased. Bloody Norwegian Blues.

24 11 2011
24 11 2011
Chairman Miaow

Oh, that’s excellent. After that article and your reco, I’m going to find me a copy of Demon Haunted World. Wonder if there’s an e-book version for .99 cents? Yes, loik the plumage. I saw somewhere that the top two comedy skits of all time was a foight between 4 Yorkshiremen and Parrot. Don’t pick, just enjoy I say.

Also, saw this in relation to Thnaksgiving turkeys today… WKRP was salad days stuff imo and the blondie with the norks was also a superb actress.

http://www.kewego.it/video/iLyROoafYtDe.html

24 11 2011
Braint Fart

Naaaaaaaaah that carnt Sagan wrote that shite himself. He’s chockers full of brain farts I say. maken me jeliss he is. HAPPY birthday Sagan you carnt hope someone gives you a slap in the head with a heavy blunt object to shut you up

22 11 2011
James Hunter

moar,
Snap out of it man, your in the Recycle Bin !

24 11 2011
James Hunter

moar, wonder what colour it is inside a black hole ?

22 11 2011
moar caek

bloody hell!
both computers in my house suddenly got stuck on the mobile site.
odd.
anyway, you had to be here,

this is a bit awesome: http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2011/10/wildfires-space-nasa/?pid=2313

animations of 10yrs of satelite obs of Earth from NASA. hey Mick, I can see your place from up here!

22 11 2011
James Hunter

See what happens when you go playing round with Higgs Bosons !
That was very impressive , the fire consolidations. Makew one wonder there is anything left .

23 11 2011
moar caek

incredible innit?
I was fascinated watching the green bits come and go on australia.

23 11 2011
Chris

251: Foxtel

And while I’m on the topic:

Fox News Viewers Know Less Than People Who Don’t Watch Any News:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/21/fox-news-viewers-less-informed-people-fairleigh-dickinson_n_1106305.html

23 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

That’s interesting Chris. But they surveyed New Jersey residents!

Now I’ve watched 5 minutes of Jersey Shore and I’m not sure Jersey residents are a reliable cross section of the human condition.

23 11 2011
Chris

They’re probably a good cross section of people who watch Fox News and no news though. 😉

23 11 2011
p'bee

all the faux news fanbois are up in arms in the comments.

23 11 2011
James Hunter

Chris, Ruperts media megaempire would not tell porkies ??
Bahahahahah

23 11 2011
daniel

ok time for a new post TBL this is over three weeks old and u still have bogans commenting on it,

23 11 2011
Mick

Okay okay. I know by reading this and passing it on I am spreading the virus, but this one bugs me.

Kyle Sandilands. Remember him? Go on, you must. You know, the bloke who found the rape of a fourteen year old girl funny. Yeah, now you remember.

http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/a-hole-in-his-head-where-his-brain-should-be/

I’ve never heard him on the radio or seen him on TV yet he still manages to intrude on my nice day.

15 minutes of fame? pig’s arse. Should be 15 minutes with a red-hot poker up his arse.

23 11 2011
martin

The bogan likes Kyle because he’s honest and hard hitting. An honest and hard hitting completey amoral slut, like the bogue.

He doesn’t bother me. I think dickheads make life more interesting, like Mundine. It’s so boring when everyone is so clinical, plays it safe, joins the mob so they can get their handful of silver.

Kyle got his silver by saying f#ck you, f#ck you all very much, I admire that to a degree. Well at least in this day and age of talentless sluts it’s something.

Bring back Club Veg!

24 11 2011
Chris

Yeah, people are shocked because a shock Jock said something shocking. Shocking isn’t it? I agree with you about Mundine. Anyone who keeps upsetting the mainstream media can’t be all bad.

I see Ricky Nixon was in the papers again yesterday because he was threatening to punch out his 27 year old girlfriend’s friend, and former footballer Guy Richards. Apparently Nixon doesn’t think his girlfriend should have male friends. I should also point out that Richards is 28 and played in the ruck so he’s over 200cm tall. Nixon is a 48 year old out of shape drunk, so his ego should probably stop writing cheques his body can’t cash.

24 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

He is loved by bogans. All the defensive comments are of the “youse are just jelous” type, the bogan calling card. I never hear/watch him so no bother that way. But I am disturbed he is around. Such a w$anker with no more talent than a loud mouth, remarkable really.

25 11 2011
TJ

Vale Vic Davies.

Now he had talent you’d pay to listen to.

24 11 2011
Brain Fart

yep this pig is one of the largest TURDS I’ve ever had the misfortune to hear about…. lets hope he goes home and glasses himself, saving others the trouble of breaking a perfectly good glass or bottle. he makes my skin crawl. picks on women because he’s scared of men. read BULLY BOY

24 11 2011
James Hunter

Brain,
You keep as strange hours as I. Any excuse ?

24 11 2011
Brain Fart

Yep Mr H, am a rabid insomniac seeking entertainment
while Mr Fart snores away beside me.
Difficult tho’ cos some of the comments on here make me laugh out aloud.
So hand over mouth for some silent heeheehees
Found a better site for a laugh,
stay tuned will send a link later

24 11 2011
James Hunter

Brain, Maybe masterbation ? Unless the results are noisier then the lafs ?

24 11 2011
Braint Fart

You dirty old bugger, looking for a laff or 10.
Lafffing helps me pass the long nights
Mr Fart has offered his services, but if I laff at him
he may do “The Panda” on me while I’m not looking

24 11 2011
Immanuel Karnt

I think he’s a carnt, but he’s living my dream of getting shitloads of cash and #124 by being a carnt. So therefore he must be glassed.

And no, I don’t listen to him.

24 11 2011
moar caek

500th comment!

how to cope with teh Sandilands
from the church of the subgenius.
http://www.subgenius.com/stang/X0021_Hate_Hating.html

24 11 2011
James Hunter

Moar,
Hmmm, Black stuff from the Beagle’s ear ! So thats what smells.

24 11 2011
James Hunter

Kyle was supposed to be a judge on Aust Got Talent the day we were in Sydney but he chucked a sickie so I missed out on having the pleasure
Sob !

24 11 2011
p'bee

how can such a talentless hack be expected to judge talent?

24 11 2011
James Hunter

peebee, I did say “Supposed to be”
and I did “Sob”

24 11 2011
Chris

I just received a mesasage from change.org asking to sign a petition or some such shit demanding that Sandilands sponser’s stop supporting his show. This was my response:

He’s a shock jock. What do you expect?

Don’t waste our time with this shit. What you should be doing is calling for more media scrutiny of Tony Abbott’s policies. Sure it’s all well and good to laugh at Tony’s Speedos and use of other props but the joke’s on us because while we’re wasting our time on that stuff his destructive polices are slipping under the radar.

24 11 2011
James Hunter

Chris,
How dare you complain about Fony Rabbit’s policies ( sic ) .
One : I don’t believe he has any and Two : He changes his so called position so often ( up to four times in one day, last count ) that No One could ever Believe hin even if he gave it with his hand on the Cafilck Bible.
He also anoys by not being able to pronounce ” Government ”
Foney is a discrace to Politics in general, a disgrace to the Liberal party whose founder Sir Robert Menzies would be ashamed to have foney use the name.
Overall he is potentially the most dangerous person ever to be in the Federal political sphere as he could end up prime minister.
Deity of choice protect us all. Even the Caflicks for whom I harbour no christian good will at all had the sense to get rid of him

24 11 2011
moar caek

bravo Chris.
note carefully that neither of his employers are willing to even comment. He’s doing exactly what he’s expected to do. Controversy sells. Sex is old hat.

Sandilands may give fu©ktards a good name but is clearly not long in the intelligence stakes and rarely approaches topics of any gravitas, so he’s less of a tumour than bolt or jones, who will both continue to spout drivel infinitely more offensive than sandilands and are probably well aware of what they’re doing.

25 11 2011
Brain Fart

Chris, track down Abbott and do us all a favour…… glass the carn’t please

24 11 2011
Chris

Excuse the typos. I’m a bit fired up.

24 11 2011
James Hunter

Chris, don worry, way hes going someone end up fireing at him.

24 11 2011
moar caek

it’s ok.
James has taught us all to speak fluent typo.

24 11 2011
James Hunter

moar,
Strange is it not . Some still find it hard !

25 11 2011
moar caek

n00bs!

25 11 2011
James Hunter

Hard n00bs ?

24 11 2011
Chris

Out of interest is it possible to be mainstream in Australia without being a bogan?

24 11 2011
James Hunter

Chris, Surely it is possible , just depends on which stream !

24 11 2011
moar caek

…hmmm.
probably. It might be hard work.
nah.
I say nope. The Mainstream is bogan.
I think that’s the point. It’s shallow, insular, ostentatious, simple, self obsessed, voyeuristic colour and movement. with a price tag. and a Use By date.

24 11 2011
Chris

I think you might be right.

24 11 2011
Braint Fart

Hey, Mr Caek you left out ‘as revolting as possible’… that’s me. Yay x 1,000 I’m a boganette and proud of it. Ewes are all snobby bastards… and can’t see class when it’s in front of your eyes
my hot pink Buddha statue at the front door is proof I’m a class act,
tooo bad me, front teeff are still all there

24 11 2011
martin

Not really, if you want money, you usually have to suck corporate fuedalistic dick, or be a nogan in some sausage fest IT company. If you want to be poor and a rool person, you’re going to be surrounded by bogans or be tempted into bogan behaviour.

The only way you can be a non-bogan is to maybe be the guys who invented Wifi at the CSIRO. Something like that.

Unis are bogan, because they sell out to foreign students, so that’s out.

Libtards are bogans because they stop when it gets too ugly like with overpopulation.

Yeah nah, 99.9% of Australians are bogans. Even Simon.

24 11 2011
Braint Fart

Can someone tell this poor fat carnt to put down his fork.
Or even better…..
If it tastes good…..
Spit it out.
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/8379427/290kg-aussie-too-fat-for-biggest-loser
Poor ba$tard

24 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

F}CK you Martin!

24 11 2011
Chris

All good points, Martin.

252: Going overseas and wearing AFL or NRL jumpers at international sporting events.

24 11 2011
moar caek

hot damn!
she put herself to sleep.

won’t need Aunty Noni tonight.

25 11 2011
Brain Fart

Hahahaha she’s come a long way since play school.

25 11 2011
James Hunter

Hiya Brain,
Been expecting you on board. well more truthfully a little later !

25 11 2011
Brain Fart

Hello JH, wot u doing still awake, how come you’re a night owl 2?

25 11 2011
James Hunter

Mrs H is the onw with the sleef problem so I end up keeping her hours modtly but just this last little bit and for a week or two more I’m taking large doses of antibiotics every six hours and cant eat for two hours before or half an hour after and can’t lie down for at least 40 minutes after. so the scheduling is a shit !
Ammuse myself with Discus( fox news,Aljazerra news and blogs), Drum, news.com and of course TBL.
Fox is fun reving up arrogant/ignorant yanks , news .com is fun reving up Liberals and Drum and Aljazerra are informative and interesting. TBL? well you can figure !

25 11 2011
Brain Fart

Thanks for the hot tips on other sites Mr H. sorry you feeling poorly at the moment. advanced cases of syphilis always hard to deal with….only kidding. http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/8379427/290kg-aussie-too-fat-for-biggest-loser check out this poor ba$tard…someone should confiscate his fork. Cause of death? will = A knife and fork
still having trouble trying to pick up a link to a funny site. more later…………..

25 11 2011
James Hunter

Brain,
That is a cutting remark about someone who won’t get the point !!!

25 11 2011
Brain Fart

Yep, u one funny man Mr JH.
I got the ‘point’.
This poor, poor man.
Has a beautiful face.
An addiction is just that…………an addiction.
would prefer Heroin or anything else!!!
Will shut up now,
never have suffered from extreme addiction
so what would I know????????????
His ‘enabler’ is his wife.
If this was Mr Fart
Certainly would NEVER
bring him trays of food in bed
Mr Fart is the most special man I’ve ever met
why kill him with trays of food?
If his wife really loves him why would she do that?
OK……….. time to shut the F- UP

25 11 2011
James Hunter

Now now steady on. Mr Fart may be special but the most special ? Be careful least he read your comments. Then he may start asking for breakfast in bed or a quick #124 before getting up in the morning , or is that after getting up ? Hmmm spose it should be while up ! Bhahahahaah
What hi is though is the luckiest man you ever met. Cause he has you who has a special mix of senses of humour and of the rediculous. fair trade for something .

25 11 2011
25 11 2011
James Hunter

moar, not sure of the meaning of this ?

25 11 2011
25 11 2011
moar caek

chrome won’t let me log into your email???

25 11 2011
Brain Fart

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I’ve compromised my private email account could the moderator please delete my last post with the link to my private email account. I’ve sworn hoping someone would read this and help me quickly. Sorry to bother you and the swearing is not at you. SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT PLEASE HELP ME QUICKLY AS ANYONE CAN SEE INTO MY PRIVATE EMAIL

25 11 2011
Chris

25 11 2011
Chris

25 11 2011
Chris

And as it’s Thanks Giving in The States:

25 11 2011
moar caek

bless.
i’d post “a junkys christmas” but I have my hands full of baby.

25 11 2011
Cookie Monster

Yeah, they are tough to carve huh.

25 11 2011
moar caek

nah… this chainsaw just needs sharpening

25 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

I just use an axe.

25 11 2011
moar caek

I would too but we’re having guests, so presentation is a factor.

25 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Psbly the greatest song title ever.

25 11 2011
Brain Fart

Cruel……. Mr Ninja, very, very cruel…
you nearly made me faint!!!!
Just the thought of what was coming next….eeeeeeeeek
I know I’ve posted anti-kiddies before…
but you just brought me undone big time.
my in-breath nearly made me cark it,
forgot to breath out
thank ‘dog’ the clip stopped
U are one nortie boy to give such old bags a near fatal heart attack

25 11 2011
Cookie Monster

Ah, was on my iphone and did not see the whole thing. Thought you put up Pink Floyds – Careful with that axe Eugene!

And sorry Fart. It’s bad taste friday!

25 11 2011
Brain Fart

Apologies Mr Ninja, thought it was you who had posted the possible “heart attack” clip.
Mr Caek you are one nortie boy.
Scrabbling for the close window button…
shrink…..
delete…..
minimize….
anything just get the about to happen
butchery off my screen
really couldn’t breath
all right ewes ba$stards
I do love kiddies
a lot
so there…..
are you happy now?
U win, I give in
My generation and the future generation is already poxed
watch out……….
it may be you and yours
turn next
Phhhfffftttttt
that’s B.F. for a huffy noise
still from the brain tho’,
not the bottom you nortie boys

25 11 2011
Cookie Monster

This is a bit nortee Fart!

25 11 2011
Brain Fart

Oh Mr Monster,
you are so nortie toooooo
at least it wasn’t a kiddie
can’t handle overt violence
and NEVER watch horror movies EVER
mr fart thinks I’m a sook
no denial there either
my truth is:
kiddies make my heart melt
OK, so there it is
on a public website
all credibility gone forever.
sigh x 1,00000………………………….
fark ewes all
just for good measure

25 11 2011
Cookie Monster

Sorry, you wanted Kiddies?

25 11 2011
Cookie Monster

Goddamn utube won’t let me create an account to upload the lawnmower scene. Be ever so grateful if someone else can, just for Fart.

25 11 2011
moar caek

25 11 2011
moar caek

we’ve had this film for nearly a month and still haven’t found the right time to watch it.

25 11 2011
moar caek

prbly
either that or “several species of small furry animal gathered together in a cave, grooving to a pict”
the film the clip is from is excellent too. It pops up on SoS or Eat Carpet or whatever it is now and then. it’s Kiwi and simply called “careful with that axe”

25 11 2011
urbanreverie

And, ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for the latest episode of …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

And this week – will Bogue let Boguette back into his life? What will Boguette do to try to persuade Bogue to open the door?

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2011/11/25/episode-45-this-other-eden-part-2/

Warning: Maxtreme adult themes this episode!

25 11 2011
moar caek

boguette knows the way to her man’s heart.
{pr0tip: it’s not between the fifth & sixth rib ; ) }

25 11 2011
Cookie Monster

Cool Urban, #124 and an Urrrgghhhkkkuuunnnttttt in one episode!

25 11 2011
Cookie Monster

Sticky Date Pudding!

25 11 2011
moar caek

graet day for a ride.
and you’re posting on your break, shouldn’t you be winding down @ thistime of year?

25 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Preseason. Training for the Alpine Classic again. Want to take 1hr off last years time of 8 1/2 hrs! Up Mt Lofty after work!

25 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Ever been to New Port Quays Chubs? You have to just once, it’s hysterical!

25 11 2011
moar caek

is that down at glenelg?
think I had dinner there with Senior on a scoopon.
noosa meets fishermans wharf it weren’t.
good nosh but. some big hotelly thing…
I think.

anyway, it was a friday night aspirational bogan turkey shoot, if that’s where yr headed.

25 11 2011
James Hunter

moar,
Whats the one on the left just where the tram terminates ?

25 11 2011
moar caek

baeks informs me it is the grand. once a legendary grab-a-granny to rival the mighty Arkabar, I hear.

I wouldn’t go to either without my full paintball team.

26 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

It’s the Urban Construct travestyout at Port Adelaide. Take Baeks and Cuppeefor a drive. Just don’t stop or talk to strangers!

26 11 2011
moar caek

ah yes! the one with the view of the cranes and the desolate light industrial wasteland. I have seen it from a distance. I think I tossed a derisive snort at it, possibly even a guffaw. I can’t imagine what the sud cants pay for those things.

I seem to recall hearing about a big ice shelf on antarctica which might potntially drop off and unleash a tsnumani which would swamp australia all the way to Manila or something.

If this should happen, it will be gratifying to know that it will hit those people before me.

27 11 2011
James Hunter

moar, is that the area out near the grain terminal ?and the drive on drive off car terminal
MrsH and I used to take our Shepherds out there for a run and sometimes to chase a hare.

27 11 2011
moar caek

I reckon it is.

28 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

It’s before that JH, over Bower Rd where West Lakes ends and the industrial wasteland begins.

It’s hard to find a photo that conveys the depth of the fail but this conveys part of it. You are bounded by a rail line, an old industrial bridge and your view is of disused warehouses and wharves. And your local shopping area is Port Adelaide, which these days looks like downtown Beirut on a good day.

28 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Forgot to mention the homes are worth about 1/2 what people paid for them off the plan.

Who’d have thunk that paying $1,500,000 for wharf view townhouses in Port Adelaide would be a bad idea!

28 11 2011
moar caek

1.5M???
staggering.
I’m tipping baby jesus* will be back in all his righteous and vengeful glory before they’re worth that much again.

*(I dont believe baby jesus is coming back evar!#)

#(that’s what makes it so funny!)

28 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

The sun would run out of energy before I ever thought it would be a good idea.

28 11 2011
James Hunter

Ha ha bloody ha ! Outer Salubria ” (Like the new word ? )
Even when we lived at Rosewater for a couple of years while waiting for house to ready at Strathalbyn, we never shopped at The Port. Mrs H and I toured round those areas on our tredlies a couple of times but realy had to watch the incompletely covered rail tracks. Opps bang fuck that hurt.

28 11 2011
James Hunter

suckers that paid that much probably did so on the advice of “Property Investment Advisors” Or “Financial Service Professionals” moronic oxes caught by oxymorons. Giggle.
These commission sales men with fancy names /titles, should be sent hunting hungry zombie polar bears ! With a bowie knife

28 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

They would prbly invite the bears out for a coffee and sell them an ice making plant!

25 11 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
For anyone looking for a cheap bike for kids or for granny to get started on Aldi have mens and ladies Mountain Bikes this week for $27.95.
Know its not carbon and not Shinmarno but for those short of readies might be a start ?

25 11 2011
James Hunter

Sorry that is $79.95 !!!

25 11 2011
Cookie Monster

Yeh JH, the bike will prbly last at least a week!

25 11 2011
James Hunter

CM, actually most of their specials are decent quality. I bought a lithium 12V drill about two years ago and it is the best drill I have owned killing the Ryobis I had before and at least as good as the Makita.
Friends of mine have lots of Student Accomodation units and they fitted them with Aldi, Microwaves, Washing machines and Fridges and TVs . They report no problems.

27 11 2011
moar caek

you could use the drill to drill out the bike frame like a brake rotor. save a lot of weight that way.
get a very distinctive looking bicycle too.
for about a week.

27 11 2011
James Hunter

With the wind howling in the holes be like a Stuka ? comming down the free way to the tollgate with your feet of the pedals ?

27 11 2011
Pandabater

If TBL are making any money out of this site I hope they are slinging some Urbans way. Since the 20th of June this year TBL have given us 17 posts & Urban has given us 22 episodes of The Bogue & Boguette Show.

27 11 2011
James Hunter

Panda, Maybe we should all start to do an article each. ?
I might go work on something right away,
You, Simon,caek,Ash.Martin Cookie Monster and Brain Fart Common Man be good , Pinky, Tomba. Sure we could round up sufficient to carry the day.

25 11 2011
James Hunter

In case by some miracle of good fortune any of you have failed to notice the spoution of vitriol from the Murdoch press esp the Oz over the Jenkins/ Slipper swap and the Government in general go have a look on news.com.
Of interest( to me) They are screeching for enquiries into Slippers accounts and spending going back to the womb(again) hoping to discredit him.
One that I thought was icing on the cake they are critising Kevin Rudd. His international travel expenses are greater then the prime ministers !!!
Duh he is Foreign Minister and is supposed to trave. Or have I missed something that only the secrete telephone intercepts of the Murdoch press can dig up ??

25 11 2011
urbanreverie

It’s precisely what happened with Mal Coston 15 or so years ago, JH. Both major parties are as malignant and underhanded as each other nowadays (with Labor being the slightly more tolerable alternative, meaning that, while the Libs will give you #124 you until you bleed, Labor will at least pretend to be your friend while giving you #124 until you bleed). Plus ça change …

25 11 2011
Cookie Monster

See I’d rather someone be upfront about the #124 than pat you on the head and tell you it won’t hurt a bit.

That being said, bring back Malcolm Turnball and hope he learnt the lesson from his last go!

25 11 2011
urbanreverie

Naah, keep Tony. In a perverse kind of way, I’m looking forward to Tony Abbott becoming PM, Simon. When he finally achieves his lifelong ambition of turning Australia into one huge campus of the Holy Redeemer of Sacred Light Biblical Christian College, maybe that will shock people out of their apathy and we’ll see Australians start demanding real progress in society!

25 11 2011
Cookie Monster

I thought you were a Libtard Urban, that’s just nasty.

Anything would be better than the Bob Brow.., I mean the Ranga though.

25 11 2011
p'bee

is that kind of a ‘raze the place until people realise the error of their ways’ attitude to the country’s future?

25 11 2011
James Hunter

PeeBee, Maybe Foney would have the Popeness replace the Bettyness ?
The razing of the country would be for our own good ,of course.
All King James editions of the Bible would be collected and replaced with the Caflicks version.
Latin would be come a compulsory second language from Kindergarten.

25 11 2011
Mick

‘The floggings will continue until moral improves.’

25 11 2011
James Hunter

Just untill the Grand Inquisitore gets his teams trained and fitted with the essential robes.

25 11 2011
Mick

When it comes to dressing up for torture I’ve always said the catholics have no peer.

25 11 2011
moar caek

Abbott took up the poison chalice back in… whenever it was.
He will drink from it and fall on his sword (to mix metaphors) after the next election so Turnbull can take the reins and institute whatever emissions trading model he was advocating way back when. Theres no way we can avoid going to emissions trading.

P.S. Hockey will knife turnbull in the resulting morgan/gallup backlash and the Evil Sunrise Curse will be full circle.

25 11 2011
James Hunter

Some times I almost like Joe , mostely because he obviously detests Foney but yeh he seems to distrust Turnbull. Probably worried because Malcolm is so stuff full of brains and alsotried to join the Labour Party before joining the Conservatives.
Realy Malcolm has too much sense of social justice to be a good Liberal. It will bring him unstuck

25 11 2011
moar caek

I feel something similar about Hockey, or used to. I saw some bio piece on him and couldn’t understand why he was a conservative at the time. Now I simply cannot count the number of f#cks I don’t give for Joe Hockey. I’ve seen him sit there and dribble bullshit he is far too intelligent to actually believe like butter wouldn’t melt.
A fart on Thomas Putnam and Joe Hockey.

25 11 2011
Brain Fart

Yeah, leave Kevin 747 alone,
but as for Malcolm Turnball….
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
his moneyed arrogance is offensive to my poor little brain.
It causes all sorts of windy thoughts
Same as Malcolm Fraser, but at least that F-tard has now found a heart.
Who says 35 years is too
late for heart growth and development?
The pox on them all
and all their generations.
phhffffttttt
nothing wrong with money especially coupled with an education and half a brain. (you only need half), well that’s all I’ve got, so I’m biased.
am rather fond of money it means freedom.
some of that freedom includes…..
giving to those who have less.
Mr fart and I don’t have trimmings and trappings
Care factor = Minus Zero

25 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Baliboy is coming home. I predict there will be more media at the airport for him than any of Obama, The Queen or our Mary. You read it here first.

25 11 2011
Mick

Big blowfly sunnies, baseball cap on sideways, bintang singlet and giving the press the finger.

25 11 2011
moar caek

Legend in his own postcode. who won’t want to chop up with the bali boy? Mercedes Corby will prolly turn up in a bikini to welcome him home. She’ll bring her own press. I suspect he will make one more brief media flash some five years hence when he is either
a) pulled up for an RBT on a cops clip show and senior constable Sodde-Hogge spots a still smoking bong in the passenger footwell. or
b) appears in court after donkey punching a lap dancer, or
c) gets a gig on Celebrity Apprentice Season 7

On Topic!!!
..ish

26 11 2011
James Hunter

What was the name of thet brat from redfern or some similarly desirable locale who had the party that went feral? He was always shown in a Hoddie and Huge Yellow sunnies ?
He be the ideal promotions manager !!!

26 11 2011
Brain Fart

Yep, that kiddie needs a glassing

26 11 2011
Immanuel Karnt

I would gladly deliver it.

26 11 2011
martin

It was the first story on SBS world news last night. Told youse all libtards were bogans too.

Can’t wait. In a few weeks we’ll have a very sordid and demoralising time in the media. I guess the media loves nothing better than making us feel sick. I’m surprised they don’t pluck more random anonymous people from the population and dish the dirt on them. Coming soon I guess.

It was Cory Worthington who was the kid in the big yellow sunnies. I only had to go to google for a split second before it came to me. Terrible. He was from some McMansion suburb in Melbourne I believe.

26 11 2011
James Hunter

Cory, Thats the rabbit.
I thinkhed be the ideal promotions manager for the new boy on the block.
Advertising by John Singleton who had a rep for pub brawing himself.
Religious counselling by Foney Rabbit.
Maybe get a spot in a band. Playing the “Bong” goes?
This will bring him instant stardom and an offer to take over Kyle Sandilands job !!

26 11 2011
Immanuel Karnt

I’m considering going to the airport and braving the media circus just to glass him.

26 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

I’ve got your back Karnt!

26 11 2011
moar caek

is a back karnt anything like a front bum?

jesus James. how the hell did you miss that?

26 11 2011
James Hunter

moar, sorry, realy am slipping.
Now Ash would have got it anything like a karnt that would interfear with a #124. He’d be right on it !!

26 11 2011
moar caek

http://yfrog.com/j2zszqdj
ha ha ! look someone did a parody of a newspaper’
zany.
imagine if!!!1\
phew.

26 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

#352 – Shopping.

Today in the US 1 lady got so excited in a sale she pepper sprayed 20 of her fellow shoppers so she could get to the bargains first!

27 11 2011
moar caek


we have a couple of generations of specialised shoppers now; humans who have no other skills or purpose. Part of me actually admires this woman, Simon. Consider: she may have been an un-bogue, in which case her actions were probably justified. I know if I were out absorbing the zeitgeist at Macy’s and appeared to be in the way of some bogue-ish stampede, I’d be scanning the landscape for weapons and cover. I’m sure you’re the same. A pair of cuff-links can be lethal in the right hands ; )
Maybe it’s time for a TV show blending The Running Man with shopping and IRL C.o.D. For the preliminary ’rounds you can only use weapons you can find in the store, but the finals series will be sponsored by O.F. Mossberg & Sons, Hattori, Westfield and The Nobel Dynamite Company and held at the Morley Galleria.

or maybe Crown Casino…

27 11 2011
James Hunter

And the winner gets $1000 of free chips at the casino the runner up gets $2000 worth

26 11 2011
James Hunter

Simon, apparently in a couple of places guns fire as well. These are serious bargain hunters. “hunters” being the operative word.
Amazing aint it. approximately civilised people in an approximately developed country having a biffo to buy chinese crap ! My oh my the chinee myst be rolling in the isles.

26 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Shoot on in the specials are graet!

26 11 2011
Whistling Nixie

Indeed, they are…

Oh, you meant *that* sort of specials?

26 11 2011
James Hunter

Like the specials at the Port Arthur “Target”

27 11 2011
martin

It’s a hindrance to internet shopping. You can’t bash people on a website, you can’t show off your $80k 4WD and hopefully murder someone’s child in the car park and you can’t bully the minimum wage workers.

There you go, that’ll be the next facebook if you can think of how to do it.

27 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Jesus Martin you’re right. I’m going to talk to Gerry Harvey. I think we can help him with his interweb problem.

27 11 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Martin may well have to suffer the humiliation of being made an Honourary Member of the Royal Colledge of Retail Moguls and be expected to appear for Harvey and Joyce for new store grande openings.
He may have to borrow an armoured car and body guards from either His Obamaness or His Popeness.
Popularity and infamy will rain upon his reign but no financial reward. Jerry is too tight. !

27 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Martin would enjoy working for Gerry. He gets to milk bogans for all they are worth and Gerry does not have a libtard bone in his body. Perfect!

27 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Adelaide’s Zara store opened yesterday. No lines or frenzy. We can now lay claim to being the least bogan capital in Aust. Didn’t see that coming did you!

27 11 2011
moar caek

i did.

27 11 2011
James Hunter

Adelaide is fortunate having quarantined all the bogans in Elizabeth !

27 11 2011
martin

Hmm, I don’t really like either. At least people like Gerry, ok, well not Gerry, he’s just deluded, at least neo cons/liberals are honest evil usually. They know they’re c#nts, libtards think they’re Jesus or something. Actually they probbaly think they’re Allah, because you know libtards love Muslims these days. I’m partial to the odd kebab myself. Don’t mind their spinach turkish pizza, I could be a Muslim for the food.

I showed Gezza. The other day I bought myself an xbox 360 at a very cheap price and I asked for a cheap HDMI cable, the cable was priced at $69 and he was gonna give it to me for $35, so I said yeah nah. Then I got one off the internet for $8! F#ck you Simon I am the interwebz ninja!

Do people even leave their house in Adelaide Simon? Don’t your shops and shit close at like 1pm to go off for tea and scones? Very non bogan.

27 11 2011
Mick

They’re all locked away in their safe houses hiding from the bogan/zombie hordes.

http://zombiesafehouse.wordpress.com/

27 11 2011
James Hunter

Gerry may get a staring role in a remake of ” Shaun of the Dead” ?

27 11 2011
moar caek

My lotto dreams just got heavily augmented.
good link mick. most of them look pretty Polar Bear safe too.
Polar Bear’s a scary animal. What beats Polar Bear? Nothing, that’s what. Lion? nope. Croc? nope. Great White? weeell… but what if you’re on land? Graet White – 0, Polar Bear – 1.
Zombie Polar Bear would be off the scale.
invincible.
think about it.

27 11 2011
Mick

The internet holds all answers. Except for zombie polar bears. I want one to keep the pesky cats off of my fence.

http://www.wildanimalfightclub.com/

There used to be another page I used to discuss these sort of things but I can’t find it. Stupid interwebs.

27 11 2011
James Hunter

Zombie Polar Bear on “Ice” wow !!!

3 12 2011
Braint Fart

A gun beats a polar bear that’s wot… Same with martial arts F-Wits, bogan beagle boys out on the town, in fact if you’ve got a gun you win…Heehee evil cackle

2 12 2011
moar caek

hey Martin,
what games do you play?
I just got MW3, perhaps you’d like to join the international community of gamers who like to shoot me

2 12 2011
martin

Hey man. Can’t play it coz my computer is now an outdated piece of shit. But it still works really well and I don’t want to spend $500+ on a new one.

I’m playing Company of Heroes and that’s it at the moment.

I’ll probably update when Far Cry 3 comes out.

Gonna play soccer, street fighter and need for speed hot pursuit on the xbox where I get to get involved in high speed chases with the cops. I reckon Ash would like that one.

Got the games from the UK for about half price from here http://www.ozgameshop.com/, but the bastards haven’t sent me my $8 hdmi cable so I’m gonna have to go over there and glass them.

2 12 2011
moar caek

*@@@@@*
* . *
* . ` *
* : *
* .. *
* . *
**********

Virtual Glass™

2 12 2011
moar caek

well that didn’t work.
there’s five minutes of my life I don’t get back.

2 12 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

How the hell do you get time to game. I bought a computer game once and never used it. It’s a bit nogan isn’t it?

2 12 2011
James Hunter

moar/Simon,
Not only have TBL seem to have gone to their final resting ground but the site maintenance seems to be less then it was.
Not all comments are on screen, ie not all the ones that I get email advice on ?
Maybe we should hold Memorial Services for TBL ?
Have a State Funeral with Military Bands and a 21 gun salute ?
a eulogy read by Gerry Harvey ?
You realise that the TBL books will rapidly become collectors items and will feature shortly on “Antiques Fair ”
AGiant fiberglass statue of a typical Bogan will be erected on the Gold Coast or maybe Kuta Beach ?
any ideas ?

2 12 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

It’s weird JH, still tweeting but no post for long time. If it’s over you would reckon they would say so. Shame to just see it peeter out.

2 12 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Yes a shame it would be ,
How would we go finding a handfull of like minded dills that could each do an article every month or soe( each) couldn’t be too hard to get the numbers to turn one a week out between us ? could even shop each article back and forth between us for proofing and detailing ?
Just work out haow to wake TBL up so we could arrange to use the site untill they decide to come back to the real world .

2 12 2011
martin

@Simon

It’s both nogan and bogan in my experience given the types I’ve met.

Meh, beats watching GayFL or Dancing with the Stars like you do.

27 11 2011
moar caek

I thought Second Life was gonna be the next facebook.

that’s some saaad ass cats at second life.
does it even still exist?

28 11 2011
martin

Yeah it does. I went there once. I dressed myself in a bald head, a white t-shirt and blue shorts right up to the top of my thighs. Most people dress like some douche with a million tatts, coloured hair and face hair like they listen to nickelback. I think they thought I was a pedo because some “14 year old girl” came along to speak to me, she was the only one to speak to me. But I was just being ironic. Because secondlife is so gay I thought I’d dress really gay.

They give you free pokie credits so I used them up and left and never went back. You can even ruin your first life in second life on the pokies.

28 11 2011
moar caek

I’ve been waiting for the 21st Century since I was about nine years old. I never dreamed it would be this awesome!

27 11 2011
moar caek

okay.
8:26 pm.
comenced watching Human Centipede II.

27 11 2011
moar caek

9:59… and done.
meh.
august underground are worse.
it’s still pretty sick though.
a good psychopath. I felt a bit sorry for him.
I’m still digesting the subtext.
5 smashed mother skulls out of 10.

28 11 2011
martin

You’re a hard man Chubby. I love a good horror but haven’t been able to bring myself to watch those movies.

28 11 2011
moar caek

strangely, my beloved had cravings for horror/terror/suspense/chillers and bluberry muffinsin the final trimester of the baek off. We did see some good ones. frequently foreign.
the centipede films aren’t particularly graphic. well the second one is, but it’s all B&W which makes it tolerable. The vilest thing about them is the subject matter, and you know what that is before you hit play. They’re so outrageous and implausible that I can’t ‘suspend disbelief’, so I cant find empathy with the victims, which slightly cheats the horror experience. In fact in the second one I was more engaged with the bad guy, who shares your name btw.
I have all three of the August Underground films, but I only watched “Mordum”. Ignoring the subject matter, it’s clever film-making. Srsly sick shit, but. I was questioning whether it was appropriate to even put actors through that. Not so much disturbed by the film itself as by the fact that someone made it.

(Edna tips “them (Ils)” from france, “[Rec]” and “[Rec]2” from spain – graet ‘zombie’ hunting, “Funny Games” – get the american version, it’s identical and in english, “Inside (a l’interieur)” france and “silent house” which might be Guatemalan or Uruguayan. not the greatest film, the ending is a bit whut? and borrows heavily from “Haute Tension” and “Them” but quite clever – A 78 minute tracking, single shot. Chubby adds Hard Candy for the story and Eden Lake for the violence)

28 11 2011
daniel

DEAR TBL CAN WE PLEASE HAVE POST # 250 I am sick of checking for new posts and there is no more TBL!

28 11 2011
Pandabater

There was one of those Twilight vampire movie things on TV over the weekend. That is a strange world they live in. The diety in charge seems to have somehow removed all red light from existence so everything takes on a strange green/bronze hue. Very earnest those kiddies, they need to lighten up a bit. (Boing)

28 11 2011
Cookie Monster

I saw a bit of the first one and it was all blue, then I fell asleep. God it was boorrriiinngggg.

28 11 2011
martin

Vampire overload. Bogans like vampires because of the implicit sexuality of biting someone.

A good vampire movie would be one where the vampire also #124s the victim. At least bogans would like it and whoever made it would make a lot of money.

I don’t recall ever liking anything so gay and shamelessly pretentious as the Twilight movies when I was that age. Gen y and z is bogan.

28 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Lol, U2!

28 11 2011
martin

F$ck you Simon!

28 11 2011
James Hunter

Oh My (deity of choice).
News .com have an article ” Report Card on the Nations Most Dangerous Party ” Dribbling about the Gold Coast Schoolies.
I just put a comment in
“I am confused. I thought everyone realised that the nations most dangewrous party was th Liberal Party !!
With Tory Worthington replaced by Tony Abbot. !!!
what are the odds on it seeing publication ?

28 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

About as likely as my comment on Pippa middletons new happiness. I said ” That’s just terrific, couldn’t be happier. Will we get a long weekend to celebrate?” They don’t do sarcasm.

28 11 2011
p'bee

i’m working on my ‘pippa’s happy! hurrah!’ banner right now.

28 11 2011
martin

You have to say something like “Everything’s f#cked and Juliar is the worst PM in history” to have your comment published. I can’t even mock these people they’re so deranged.

thepunch will publish comments I find. Sometimes I put contrary comments towards the I’m alright Jack screw you Liberal f#ckwits and they get published.

29 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

I might send them a #124 comment in relationto Pippa’sbum!

29 11 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Looks like two puppies in a sack. . Like two peaches side by side on a tree. Just Ripe for Phlucking

1 12 2011
Immanuel Karnt

Way ahead of you, buddy, and they didn’t publish it. Even though all I said wuz troo.

29 11 2011
James Hunter

Martin, Something else I’v noticed. Any thing realy controversial and very right wing will not have a comments section. The dirtbags dont even want criticism comming across their threshold. !

28 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

ROFL, you know I’m right dude.

28 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

That’s to Martin.

28 11 2011
martin

Nah. They were just faux libtard do-gooders, not wankers.

Better than “ooo look at me I’m so pretty! suck shit you’re not!” from the Twilight snots.

28 11 2011
p'bee

the things is bogans don’t really like vampires – they’d hate dracula, they’d refuse to even watch nosferatu because a) they can’t pronounce it, b) it’s foreign therefore crap, and c) it’s black and white and silent so boooooorrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnngggggg. twilight, in comparison, is silly pouty boys and silly petulant girls being pouty and petulant together, and the bogan thinks to itself ‘i can pout! i can be petulant!’ and they love it. and gossip mags tell them omg robert pattinson is sooooo hootttt!!!!!111!!! and gossip mags never lie.

28 11 2011
moar caek

alas, there is a generation of kids who will have been exposed to firstly Harry Potter and then Twilight at critical times in their development, across their whole development.
One day they will be 40.
and still single.
and faintly psychotic.
Cheated.
Bereft.
sleeping in a coffin.
batshit
alone
Sad Cμnts.

1 12 2011
Immanuel Karnt

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaTq95CYqCw I used to hope this was true.

But right now, honestly, I’m beginning to worry Mr Smith is off the ball here.

30 11 2011
Immanuel Karnt

I’d watch that movie. Not Twilight though. Twilight is for f@gs.

28 11 2011
Pandabater

Mondays are dull but the NT News can always put a smile on your face.
Take this Victorians.

http://www.ntnews.com.au/article/2011/11/28/275011_ntnews.html

28 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

I got a comment published!

28 11 2011
moar caek

One of the great treats of being in the NT is the big blurb sheets for the NT News.”ALIEN CROC TEEN DEATH PARTY CRASH liftout Melb cup style guide”

28 11 2011
Whistling Nixie

It’s good to know Teritorians have a balanced perspective of things, though…

noes!

28 11 2011
Whistling Nixie

*Territorians

28 11 2011
p'bee

i do like that nt news is at least knowingly silly and doesn’t try and take itself seriously.

28 11 2011
James Hunter

peebee,
how could they or anyone take them seriously.?
They are part of news.com !

28 11 2011
James Hunter

Simon, Victorians anr e like Americans : No sense of humour nore of the ridiculous.
“Now is that rediculous ,or What ? ” in the voice of William Shatner

28 11 2011
James Hunter

There is an article on News .com “report card on the nations most dangerous party”.
They dribbling about the Gold Coast Schoolies.
I just commented” I am confused. I thought everyone realised the Nations most dangerous party is the Liberal Party. With Tory Worthington replaced by Tony Abbot. !!
What odds people on that seeing publication ?

28 11 2011
martin

They like to stress parents out don’t they. The latest one is computer game addiction. Before computer games kids used to waste time watching TV.

There’s often some story of some little brat whos got some mental illness and is ruining the parents’ lives but in my opinion a good whipping hasn’t been attempted and would probably do the job.

So is smacking kids libtard or bogan now? Seems as though the bogans might find it appealing to not smack kids so they can possibly get more welfare for ritalin and or have another excuse to fail and or be a f#cked person?

30 11 2011
Immanuel Karnt

Naaaah, still bogan. Libtards who have kids generally think it’s charming and creative when their little shitface Aviva or Sadler is running around in public screaming like a f*ckwit and pissing everyone off. Where as Breeyannah and Jaxxson’s mum will unleash an arse whipping.

3 12 2011
Edna Focke-Witte

Each Generation faces these ‘evil mind warping threats’. For me it was television. We were all supposed to have square eyes, glow in the dark and be unable to read or converse. I understand that prior to TV, the Wireless and the Telephone were also going to destroy community and literacy. The likely truth is that the maligning parties for each generation simply don’t understand or enjoy the new tech. My final point would be from personal experience, to wit; that the older one becomes, the more repellent youth culture becomes. Apparently.

Smacking is a furphy. When ppl talk about physical discipline, they’re talking about discipline generally. I saw a clickbait or a headline or something recently which made the point that now that smacking is frowned on/illegal whatever parents are at a loss as to how to discipline their children.
*sniff sniff* Is that Bogan I smell? Couldn’t come up with anything more creative?
I don’t want to sail completely into libtard waters, I am certainly prepared to accept that your good Self and many other Reasonable People are completely capable of incorporating mild, consistent, age appropriate, physical discipline on their children as part of responsible parenting, BUT there’s possibly just as many who have no idea what that means. Who don’t know the boundaries. People who will lash out, excessively, thoughtlessly. People who will break and kill their children because they lacked the wit to try anything different. Didn’t some legislature have to define that a child should only be struck with an open hand below the waist? People needed to be told that???
What, you mean I can’t
punch my child in the face??? Nanny State. it’s political correctness gone mad.
We got sent home from hospital with pamphlets telling us not to shake the baby, a brightly coloured picture book encouraging us to read with your baby, another glossy, colour, simply written book explaining how you should do things with bub Together. Apparently a hell of a lot of babies have been left to scream themselves to sleep while Mum watches Sitcomedy and then get shaken to death for not shutting up when dad gets home. Apparently these issues have filtered through to the powers that be in sufficient volume to warrant campaigns.
People. Need To. Be Told. These. Things.
Sadly we have to rule for the majority.
And this is what we have become.
Peasants wallowing in mediaeval filth would have known better, but then, they could cook for themselves, mend a hem and build a decent woodshed too. We are three generations deep in useless humans now. For the sake of these idiots, and their progeny, we need to move to society where the concept of physical discipline of children is just. not. on..
anyway
the last time this subject came up I may have said something like “I was beaten at home, at boarding school, in the Army and in Jail and it did me no harm!”
I was the ADD kid and I can promise you, back in the 70’s I got plenty of smacks around the head from various arms of teh establishment and family tree. It made no difference. For a while, as a younger man, I even smacked a few other people in the head to try and bring them around to my varying points of view on varying things, alas it’s pretty fail as a tool for team building. My evil step-father taught me that commanding respect through fear is a waste of time when the commandee doesn’t fear you anymore.
Ultimately I just ask myself “Who else is allowed to hit my child?” and “Who will I allow to hit me ?” My answer to those questions is No-One. Evar! So why would I do it? Same goes for my Wife.
Don’t hit my Wife either.
I eschew violence absolutely now. The only sensible use I can imagine for violence would be to impede or stop some maniac for sufficient time for the wife and kids to get to safety. And celebrity death match. And sick films. And CoD. And Rugby.
but that’s it.
pretty much.

3 12 2011
moar caek

Bugger!
we will be stuck in italics for ever now.
…and it’s buggered up the emphasis in my beautifully crafted piece.
and it’s under the wrong log-in…
bugger.

3 12 2011
moar caek

I just checked my note pad and the tag at the end of ” parents are at a loss as to how to discipline their children.” is closed.
sooo…
Fucked if I know,,,
sorry.

8 12 2011
James Hunter

moar, you off your meds again ?

4 12 2011
James Hunter

moar,
I did wonder about Edna talking of having a wife but didn’t say anything for fear of appearing needlessly pedantic and all the time we had a trany in the building !!

30 11 2011
Immanuel Karnt

I love the annual Schoolies moral panic. I love moral panics in general, but this one is consistent.

29 11 2011
James Hunter

news .com : Gerry Harvey winging about people useing the computers and routers he joined in selling buying shit on the net. They will end up sorry.
My heart goes out to him duh grrrr.

30 11 2011
martin

He’s a funny guy isn’t he. We should really protect those high achievers in retail. Importing shit from China, giving it a solid markup and selling it via some arrogant gen y is the pinnacle of human endeavour.

30 11 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Does he have a Knighthood yet? You know services to comedy and all that.

They gave Bob Geldoff one and Gerry misses out. I shake my head at modern society.

30 11 2011
James Hunter

a fellow of the “Royal Order of The Kingswood “? presented by his princeness Charlie Bub.

2 12 2011
urbanreverie

And it’s time for this week’s episode of …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2011/12/02/episode-46-the-hand-that-doesnt-rock-the-cradle/

And this week … tragedy visists the Bogue & Boguette household.

3 12 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Thanks Urban, certainly a sticky situation our antiheros find themselves in.

3 12 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
While the situation is sticky may be a good time to slip a #124 into the Bougette ?
Baguette the Bougette !!

3 12 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Boguette would not forgette her baguette.

3 12 2011
James Hunter

and for desert ; “Sticky Date Pudding “

3 12 2011
magicmunt

Yesterday I heard that Gold FM’s stalwarts Grubby and Dee-Dee aren’t going to have their contracts renewed. It seems the curse of Brendan Fevola has continued as Grubby and Dee Dee gave “Fev” a spot on their show this year. However, in fairness to “Fev” Grubby and Dee Dee’s humour is about as fresh as Hey It’s Saturday’s, so it’s a miracle they lasted as long as they did. Now if Gold FM could just hire a music/program director who’s aware that bands like the Rolling Stones had more than three good songs they might see an improvement in their ratings.

4 12 2011
Logan The Bogan

Perhaps we should give the poor old Bogans a chop out by compiling a list of things they can do to hide the fact that they’re Bogans. Obviously they’ll have to claim to dislike everything on this site’s list whenever the opportunity arises.

But they’ll need to claim to like things in their place. Here’re a few things Bogans who are trying to hide the fact that they’re Bogans should say they like:

Foreign Films but call them World Movies

Wine not beer. Or imported beer as long as it’s not Corona.

Claim to be a Greens voter. Better still claim that you hand out How To Vote
Greens cards during elections.

Make condescending remarks about racists, homophobes, sexists and conservatives at every opportunity.

Claim to be a cat person or if you have to have a dog make it a small one.
Say you listen to whatever independent FM radio station is in your city. Like 3RRR in Melbourne.

Watch movies at independent cinemas.

Justify living in your Bogan suburb by saying that you used to live in (insert name of inner-city suburb) but it became too gentrified.

Always refer to Australia Day as Invasion Day.

Say you read The Age and not The Herald “Scum”

When talking about how angry someone made you feel (preferably a bigot) say “it’s the closest I’ve ever coming to hitting someone.

However, you can still follow the footy, because admitting you like the footy makes it look less obvious that you’re trying to hide your Boganism.

It’s also important to listen to what non-Bogans say particularly the things that enrage the inner Bogan in you because they’re the things you need to memorize and pass off as your own opinions in future conservations.

Does anyone else have any tips?

5 12 2011
Boganologist

Time for a new post TBL, how about a critique of some bogan icons that we see this time of the year. Such as stretch limousines for high school formals; I’m surprised you have not touched on stretch limos yet, especially stretch hummers. Also christmas lights and the bogan need to decorate their McMansions with the most maxtreme, computer synchronised, LED light display.

6 12 2011
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/business/reserve-bank-cuts-official-interest-rate-to-425-per-cent/comments-fn7j19iv-1226215201237

Check out comment 77. I finally got one published by the Scum

I had to go undercover and hide my Ninja status though.

6 12 2011
James Hunter

Simon, a great bit of undercover work there. Keep that up and you will get a genuine replica of a gold plated extractors to fit (conformadore model of choice) bassed on an artists impression of something they saw nailed to the wall at Autobahn !
Wonder if Gerry Normal will be stretching his talons and preening his pin feathers ?

7 12 2011
theDeanOfAbbotsford

The problem with the racial discrimination laws in Australia is that they are far too broad. Even David Marr, perhaps the most arrogant left-wing intellectual in the nation, was against the Bolt ruling. It should have been a defamation suit.

The problem is that the law includes “offend” as part of the discrimination on which grounds a suit can be launched. This is plainly ridiculous. In free societies, offence has to be caused as part of the exchange of ideas and ultimately the defeat of bad and incorrect ones.

Yes, the ruling is PC gone mad. Anyone who believes in free speech agrees – both left and right. Far more offensive rhetoric is used on a daily basis in the Swiss, Dutch French and Austrian media: all perhaps more civilised societies than Australia.

I would argue that this is a classic example of Anglo-Saxon PC. The Anglo-Saxon inner-city left-liberal (Brunswick St Man) will only berate anyone who does not concur with the trendy view of the day. He is bereft of courage and doesn’t like to offend anyone if it challenges his profound devotion to unfettered multi-culturalism (although Brunswick St Man overwhelmingly lives in middle class, mainly white neighbourhoods and sends his kids to private, mainly white schools). In stark contrast to his Parisian-Montmarte leftist counterpart, who were actually the drivers behind the Burqua ban in France. These people actualy think about the ramifications for their civilisation.

Bogans and Brunswick St Man are equally profoundly ignorant, certainly in this country anyway. Having lived much of my life in France and Italy, I’ll always be a leftist in those countries. In this country, Malcolm Turnbull is my politics. I could never support the Australian left and their inner-city parrot supporters who all sound like Tim Robbins speaking on Team America World Police.

7 12 2011
James Hunter

Dean,
I always try to offend everyone equally !

By the by everyone. We ARE on Page 94 of Guinness World Records 2012 edition !!! Me and My good Mate Rebbca Ferencz ( holding the watermelon.)

7 12 2011
theDeanOfAbbotsford

James, may you continue to be allowed to do so. An extra point is that in countries like France, where civil law is the basis of the legal system, they will simply not be able to insert a word like “offend” into a piece of legislation like this, otherwise sites like this would be quickly outlawed. Civil law judiciaries do not have the luxury of precedence of making precedence – they read the law and hand down a decision.

Things bogans like would be a victim quickly. As for Bolt, he’s not a great journalist, but nor is Philip Adams either, but censoring or fining them based on “offence” is just plain dangerous for any democracy.

7 12 2011
James Hunter

The dean,
Well at least we are a little closer to being a democracy then many countries and light years ahead of the self apointed “leader of the free world” (sic)
They (the usa) are a lot of very sick puppies. When the Government is unable(democrats) or unwilling (republicans) to look to the interests of its people it is doomed.
The pervasive and to me criminal way the lobiests and big business esp. the finance,banks,military and Pharma industries with self interested farmers a distant last, rule the country.
Any country with 9% unemployed and 46,000,000 under the poverty line, no effective national health and a schooling system that is so shot to piceces it even in some states teaches Creationism (realy Cretinism ! ) in state schools. is so far down the self destruction path one can only wonder at just how bad the crunch will be.

8 12 2011
James Hunter

TBL,
The “Recent Comment” widgets don’t work any more. We feel abandoned !

I’ll take a look at it! TBL

8 12 2011
James Hunter

Hey Fart,
There is something Pink at my fron door. Is that you ? Bhahahah
Hey I am thinking of developing a market for a new dog chewy treat.
Sundried organic Cats Tails.
How do you think I’d go.
Only fresh feral cats are used. ( Hehehehehehe promise )
Couple bucks each to cover ammo and preparation..
On ebay for 25.00 for a bag of ten.

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