Bonus Poll – What’s Your Best/Worst Bogan Name?

5 01 2011

Seeing as we’ve updated our ever-expanding list of bogan etymological offences, we here at Things Bogans Like have decided that it’s high time to turn to you, the reader. Tell us, if you please which of these names offends your aesthetic senses the most, if you please. Results announced next week.

Apologies if your ultimate name of choice isn’t on here – we limited the poll to 10 out of 900 odd, so you’re just going to have to make some tough decisions like we did.


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153 responses

5 01 2011
Sam "The Hater of Everything" Mortimer

Surely no one’s actually called “Jessykah”… right?!?!?

5 01 2011
Paul Carson

Hmmm… Taylah isn’t as objectionable as the others on the list. But really… “Swayde”?!? Seriously?

5 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Vote Matylda #1

5 01 2011
p'bee

breeyanah.
almost went with swayde, but to me he sounds more like a character in a dodgy mills and boon romance.

11 01 2011
GoldCoaster

I’d go Breeyanah, but it’s derivative, Breanna, is already a bogan name without having to be misspelled…

5 01 2011
Andrew

Polls are so bogan.

We’re reluctant to jump to that conclusion without some sort of polling on the matter. TBL

5 01 2011
LisaM

McKayla! An absolute shocker.

5 01 2011
AntiPajero

I voted for Swayde!
Then I hit refresh and voted for Jaxson.
I like refresh. I’m naming my offspring ‘Refresh’.

5 01 2011
Sam

Wouldn’t that be Reephresh

5 01 2011
AntiPajero

Yair!! It even looks a bit fawren en sh!t.

Maybe Rephraesha for a girl?

5 01 2011
I'm Married. I'm Beautiful.

A member of my family is pregnant and is considering calling their child ‘Chaos’. I’m currently attempting to convince them to call it Kos instead.

7 01 2011
chubbybloodfart

that would be K’os for a girl and K-os for a boy.
maxtreme bogan variation might be K-Oz.
(‘cos we’re Ozzie ay!)

7 01 2011
p'bee

pronounced kadashoz, of course.

7 01 2011
chubbybloodfart

gee. you’re right there.
could be some horrible confusion.
another News Ltd Headline of the future.
“Bloodbath at Suburban Glassery following silent dash dispute.”

5 01 2011
j3st3r

I think Jorja is a gorgeous spelling when it’s a hot chick from CSI but I’m not so impressed with the bogue application. Unfortunately my godson’s name rates a mention on the list and I have to say that his “father” is a complete bogan but thankfully his Mum has redeemed herself with his Dad. Taylah is now so common it’s almost an accepted form, Swayde and Locklan just prove the bogan’s illiteracy, with the latter infuriating my Gaelic heritage, and the rest are just plain preposterous.
For me it was a fairly easy decision – Jessykah.
Everything about it is wrong starting with the clumsy appearance and closing out with the suggested phonetics, which when applied make the speaker sound like they’re two neurons away from brain dead. Just wrong, enough said.

5 01 2011
@ the Ye Olde Glassing Barn

Can’t believe they would forgo X in Xavier for Z. Surely they have to combine the 2?
Xzavier pronounced ecksavier.
However will vote Matylda. Izack a close 2nd.

5 01 2011
Polly

I teach a kid whose name’s spelled “Zayvier” – that added “y” makes it even more offensive.

11 01 2011
GoldCoaster

Javier. Not Spanish. Pronounced, “Jay-viea”. My friend named her kid that a month ago. And she’s not even a bogan! Maybe she’s converting…

13 01 2011
Xavier

Having grown up (and still living) in a bogan suburb, spelling my name as ‘Zavier’ still remains the most offensive way to insult me. Unfortunately, it isn’t limited to the bogan areas, much to my disgust.

5 01 2011
Anthony

Any true bogan name should have an upwards infection on the end of it….

5 01 2011
Sybil Ince

Any upwards infection should be treated immediately with antibiotics.

5 01 2011
Anthony

*inflection
(not infection, sounds quite nasty)
I’m very liberal with the spelling of certain words….
Almost like a…….
NOOOO!!!!!

5 01 2011
Bill

I’ve gone Jaxson, as it’s the boganisation of an already bogan name (Jackson) that really irks me. What is it with bogans and their deep desire to be “yooneek” and “diffrunt”?

Have to add these observations after visiting Melb. aquarium – what the f**k is it with bogan scrags and tatts on the back of their neck!? Also saw 2 year old with mohawk, for frigg’s sake just tattoo “my dad/step-dad is a total retard” on their forehead. Don’t even get me started on the freaks present at xmas sales.

6 01 2011
The Doc

Bill, I also voted for Jaxson, but I’m pretty sure the spelling here is incorrect. The true ultra boganised version of the already bogan name (Jackson) has 3 x’s in it. Get it right TBL, it’s spelled Jaxxxson. The 3rd X can be interchanged with a Z as well just like X for Z in Zavier or Xzavier. Sound confused? Well hey, it’s not as confusing as fathers day in Penrith.
As for the tramp stamps on bogan chicks, just be thankful they do it. You can identify them easily and take evasive action when near.

7 01 2011
Danny

Me and me Mrs 🙂 love having a laugh at bogong names in the local paper. But I’ve been a bit disappointed lately that the shockingly bad names have almost disappeared. A lot of “Lily Grace” and “Jack William” going on. The worst we ever saw in the paper was “Bileigh Starr Lashaye” >groan< .
Some time ago we even made up our own faux-bogan (?fauxgan) names: Shar'd'nay for a girl, Jaxxn for a boy. Remove the "son" and Jaxxn really comes into its own.
I went with Jorja. It just completely gets on my tits.

13 06 2011
Dlivo

I think William is actually one of the most lame names out there

14 01 2011
BogansBeGone

Hello Bill.
Methinks your question is rhetorical , but in case it is a real cry for help to solve the riddle :

Most bogans are uneducated , lack discipline and lack ambition.
Like normal people , though , they want to leave a mark on the world.
One of the few ways they can do this , is by conferring strange names on their progeny.

It is the same reason they often have pit-bulls . Ownership shouts out “I may be a piece of trash , but look , I’ve got a really tough dog , so that make me a SOMEBODY”.

I should hold my critical tongue : I am grateful that bogans give me a fully-justified sense of moral and intellectual superiority.
My only regret is that my taxes help sustain them.

5 01 2011
Ian

Has to be Jaxson. TBL has clearly established that the use of ‘X’ in place of the correct letter is the calling card of the bogan parent.

5 01 2011
Pandabater

Has to be Swayde for me.
Some made me sigh,
one made me LOL.

5 01 2011
v'visexxxion

I would have to stab a child called Jorja if it crossed my path. Mercy killing.

5 01 2011
Tombarina

Swayde.

That’s shyte.

5 01 2011
urakur

Don’t forget…………… A_A

5 01 2011
Pendant

Seems to be quite a lot of new faces in the comments today. Good to see the bogue awareness spreading.

5 01 2011
Werdna

I wish “Tallulah does the hula from Hawaii” was on this list:

http://www.3news.co.nz/Talula-does-the-Hula-from-Hawaii-a-no-no-says-judge/tabid/423/articleID/64271/Default.aspx

Made me ashamed to come of New Zealand.

5 01 2011
DrX

I think the twins Benson & Hedges is classic bogan.

6 01 2011
MarkD

still reckon Xtal (Chrystal) is the very best boge-name. ,,,as i am writing from viernam on a keypad where the letters have worn off the keys, am i owed two votes?

visiting vietnam for tailor-made suits has to qualify as a TBL – non?

6 01 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I fully agree that Xtal is very bogue.

More’s the pity that it wasn’t nominated for the poll list…would’ve voted for that in an instant. But a misspelt Xavier was my choice. For those bogans who are far too kewl for “X”, the “Z”.

7 01 2011
chubbybloodfart

cousin Mark?

6 01 2011
Edward

Would you call a (male) child Scarlett ? I have recently come across a child blessed with this name. I remain non-plussed.

6 01 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Scarlett Pheebver would’ve been let past to the keeper for mine. Individual an’ sh¡t an’ that, eh.

7 01 2011
Edward

I would never have thought of appending Fever (sic.). Then again, I would never have thought of burdening a child with a name which ensures a lifetime of ridicule. Excellent elaboration, though.

6 01 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I wasn’t present yesterday, as I was all over the metropolitan area joining up with various kith and kin celebrating my birthday, which incidentally is shared with the one and same date as the collapse of Hobart’s Tasman Bridge in 1975. Which renders me officially too old to join a Contiki tour. Yay! Not that I’d ever have had any yen to go on one ever (clock up the antibogan points…ting-ting-ting-ting!).

Tonight I had about a dozen guests join me for a dinner in Fremantle (with two other friends whose birthdays had just preceded mine several days past), a very special evening amongst non-bogans, though admittedly some surf close to the edge of those heinous reefs. But none have bogan names and none who’ve had kidlets have burdened them with such atrocious titles, all tasteful regular sorts of names. Some of us then repaired to one of their homes, where we had a good ol’ jam, me laying down the foundations with my Rick and the double bass, also letting off the vertical green fireworks to suitably inspire the musicality and convivial conveersations. Marvellous fun.

I’m pleased that I have such an eclectic and groovy bunch of folks to mix with. And though I was sweating like Springsteen with this unseasonal rain and humidity (I can only recall ever once before raining on my birthday, owing to Perth’s classic Mediterranean climate), it was a most memorable night.

6 01 2011
Tombarina

Belated happy birthday, BoT! Hope it was suitably maXXXtreme.
x

PS: I, too, experienced a (completely unwarranted) sense of accomplishment when I passed the Contiki use-by date. Really felt I’d achieved something in life.

6 01 2011
p'bee

happy birthday turnips.
i’ve got a number of years to go before i’m too old for contiki tours, but i highly doubt i’ll be going on one, even if i had the money.

6 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Well done Bag’O, ya old barstard.

7 01 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Thanks comrades! Appreciate all your kind wishes.

Off topic, but I must note that while I was Myer treating myself to some organic cotton trunks (sorry Chubbs, but I could never bring myself to pilfer my smalls, even from one of key players in the cabal of cowards angling to have overseas online transactions taxed!), I noticed a whole upright rack display of Ed Hardy jocks. It’s still out there, all those wares as recycled by C. Audiger. And what’s more, their underpants all have embroidered motifs on them. Urgh, tacky.

Then again, it’ll serve to further irritate the nether regions of the NaBs who wear them, already scrofulous from catching HSV-2 when performing a bit of the ol’ #124 bareback with some carrot-hued skank. So no odds to me.

7 01 2011
chubbybloodfart

Happy Birthday Turnips!
wow! I remember the bridge collapse! It woke me up, and we were living in Mt Nelson (at the top of the bends)!

note also I think you have missed your chance to go and work Bar in England.

Hope you had an GR8 day.

7 01 2011
Bag O'Turnips

No, alas, I didn’t have a GR8 day.

I had a great day 🙂

6 01 2011
daniel green

all those names are a fucking disgrace I am unable to chose the worst.

6 01 2011
michael

Having a son named Xavier has made choosing friends in my new area much easier. Those who say “Hello Xavier” are in; those who say “Hello Ecksavier” – out.
The perfect non-invasive screening mechanism!
By the way I’d have thought with all the Xavier college bagging on Today Tonight due to their muck-up days of recent years, the bogue would have parroted Naomi Robson et al and begun to get the pronounciation right. Alas!

6 01 2011
sara

I know a girl called Tanielle.She named her baby River-Jay. I think i won this argument

6 01 2011
HappyFriend

Surely it must be Jaxxon. (I know of one too! Am I damned?)

6 01 2011
Dgusten

The poll is about the worst misspelling, so Jessykah wins hands down for me – there’s not just the stupid y instead of an i, but also a stupid k instead of a c as icing, and finally a superfluous h as the cherry on top.

Spelling wise, its tripartite boganity.

But the worst name (rather than spelling) for me is Swayde – at least Jessykah and the others have the option of changing the spelling of their name and ending up not too bogan (ok, except Jaxson and Breeyanah to some extent).

Suede is a completely and utterly terrible name, irregardless of spelling.

6 01 2011
p'bee

surely breeyanah is the worst misspelling, given the name is traditionally spelt brianna?

6 01 2011
Chef

What about Khyley, Madhysan, Shanel, Jayde, Indiannah and Oystah?

6 01 2011
The Doc

You can’t go past Dakota for a bogan name. I think you can maxtreme boganize it by putting 2 h’s in it as well.

6 01 2011
p'bee

off-topic but: http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=8192555
can’t someone just get rid of this twit?

6 01 2011
v'visexxxion

I though some fat wog would have shot her by now?

7 01 2011
Danny

Gimme a gun

6 01 2011
Save Us

This, from my days at the Frankston Child Protection Office:

“Khe Sanh”

That’s got to be true bogan patriotism. Jimmy would be proud!

Can’t remember if the poor child was a boy or a girl.

6 01 2011
AFR

was the kid even Vietnamese?

6 01 2011
Bandi

You have to like Jipzee!

6 01 2011
Kath

Its got to be Swayde – I laughed out loud!

But you’ve neglected Jerrica, a girl in my son’s class at school is named this, I mean really, was she meant to be a boy and called Jerry and then Whoops, its a girl but they didn’t like Jessica???!! Go figure.

6 01 2011
Hopster

The wifes sisters daugher has 3 small boys (from 2 fathers) and they are Bayleigh, Korey and Taylah. Non Demoninational God help us!

6 01 2011
Ceejay

I had a friend that was going to call her baby girl Chenille. Why not call it bedspread and be done with it? Thankfully she changed her mind!

6 01 2011
BigPanda

For me, it’s either Swayde or Locklan….FFS, where do they get these ideas…maybe this new fangled learning by phonics makes it easier too??

My sister has alerted me to one poor kid she met, named Jersinta….I mean, what is wrong with Jacinta??…surely they still teach whether a ‘c’, is a hard or soft ‘c’…don’t they??

I’m afraid for the future on this nation…the bogue’s influence is spreading like a fungus growing in a petrie dish….sigh :o((

6 01 2011
Ivana Boganista

From my local newspaper today, here in North QLD:

Deklan and Drayden – brothers, so it seems.

7 01 2011
Donna Wilson

As a midwife I see some strange ones: Waverleigh (a girl) tanaishia (a girl)
Kwentin (a boy) Insie (a boy

7 01 2011
Tombarina

Acquaintance’s wife had a baby this week.

Name: Djahkhata. Pron: Jakarta.

Best of all, the parental fools are rabidly anti-Muslim, and don’t appear to realise that their spawn’s namesake is the capital of the most populous Islamic state in the region. They just think it sounds “edgy”.

*snickers in unkind fashion*

7 01 2011
p'bee

please inform your acquaintance of the muslim/foreigner element of their chosen name. i’d do so from behind some sort of safety screen, though, in case of any attempted glassings.

7 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Ask them why the H’s are there. I would be truly facinated to hear the response.

Then Spork the f*ckers.

7 01 2011
chubbybloodfart

wow.
Imagine Swayde being attacked with a Splayd.
future News Ltd Headline.

7 01 2011
p'bee

during a police raid?

7 01 2011
chubbybloodfart

Charges Layde.

7 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Raype?

7 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Bugger it I always forget the H

Rayphe

7 01 2011
Mick

One of the Feinnes.

7 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Sir Rayphe of the Planes!

7 01 2011
chubbybloodfart

Adelayde crows trayner Swayde attacks his mayd Jayde with a Splayde. Following a Police rayde, charges of Raype and Aphraye were layd. Swayde clayms Mayd Jayde mayd a play to trayd naykd images of Swayde Lawyer Blayde offered to trayd for a downgrayd, the trial has been subsequently delayd.

7 01 2011
chubbybloodfart

Swayde. Lawyer

7 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

On the Mary Jayne agayn Chubby?

7 01 2011
chubbybloodfart

hahahaha.
funny you should mention that.
I’m off the doobie and on my meds again.
suddenly I’m not funny and have no conversation.
Edna says I’m distant too.
so…
should I continue being a happy wastrel and drifter or drink the Kool-Ade and be an efficient and productive cold fish?

7 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Look at what I have come up with and no chemical help. I made a joke about rooting Lady Flo BJP!

Does Swayde like dayte rayphe with his maytes?

7 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

Aye, what would Rayphe do? I’m all about efficiency for myself these days. But i don’t expect everybody else to be because I am. Give it a go, see how it works, the life of a happy wastrel and drifter will always be an option to return to if it doesn’t pan out.

7 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I’m with you V’v. I tend to resent time wasted recovering from hangovers etc so am a fairly moderate kind of a dude these days. Chemicals never did do it for me anyhow, I like to have control. I am a bit obsessed about keeping fit and it is hard to do with a hangover.

I suppose the body takes a while to adapt to a new regime Chubs. I think you are showing good form here today.

7 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms
7 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

She’s clearly off her chops. She probably cried herself to sleep that night as she came crashing down.

7 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

She was probably going on a dayte with Swayde and needed a bit of fortification.

I’ve not seen anyone that wasted since my last Neil Young concert.

7 01 2011
p'bee

what a crap list of celebrities for this fundraiser. people are expected to tune in to see reality show rejects?

7 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

You would hurl your tv out into the floodwaters if that crap came on and you couldn’t leave the house. That Shelly Craft is intolerable. And Les Hill, was he in Home and away 20 years ago?

9 01 2011
Tombarina

I’d go with happy wastrel, Chubbmeister.

It suits you.

7 01 2011
Mick

The perfect christening present- Istiqlal Mosque in a snowdome.

http://goseasia.about.com/od/indonesiastopattractions/a/Istiqlal-Mosque-In-Jakarta-Indonesia.htm

15 01 2011
Tombarina

I am soooo buying that, Mick – ta.

While the stoopid parents will baulk at the offensive sight of a towelhead Moooslim thingie, I’ll tell them it’s by Ed Hardy and endorsed by Richard Wilkins AND Richard Reid.

They’re huge fans of Dick’n’Rick. To the extent that Father Stoopid once interrupted a discussion about the Walkleys to bemoan Australia’s premier journalism awards as not in touch with the “roool world” because they don’t recognise Excellence In Entertainment Reporting.

7 01 2011
Christine

Where is Chycane? or Shakira? These have to be the worst bogan names of all time

7 01 2011
Squibbert

Che-Nezce… I shouldn’t make fun of the deceased but….. that name!!

7 01 2011
Eamonn

Mercedes Cheardonhay – Of ipswich – Grandmother @ 15 🙂

7 01 2011
concern troll

“Among the girls born at Northeast Health Wangaratta were Juniper, Addyson, Laelarni, Dalayla, Lu Lu, Krisna, Makinti, Shaina, Galaxia and Arorah.
Boys’ names appeared inspired by literature (Atticus), the mechanical (Bentley and Zeppelin) and placenames (Memphis), with Chadd, Mattias, Mannix, Wyleigh, Zephaniah and Svend also on the list.”

7 01 2011
Edward

Hmmm, yes; I see what you mean. Juniper is really quite a pleasant name, if you are inclined to name your child after a poisonous plant. Addyson put me in mind of either Bruce Willis’ character in Moonlighting or John F. Kennedy, who had Addisons Disease: in either case it seems like a more appropriate name for a male child (though possibly one afflcted with a genetic disorder). Laelarni is nice, despite the mis-spelling, there was a Hoodoo Gurus song entitled Laelani. Aurora would be good too, if it conformed to the Greek mythological syntax. But why would anyone name a female child after a genus of fish ? (Galaxia).

As to the boys Mattias and Zephaniah are both biblical in origin, and correctly spelled, if you accept the Hungarian variant of Matthias. Atticus is good too, if you look at it from the viewpoint of the high-school English curriculum (and the only serious literature, along with Catcher in the Rye the parent has ever read or will ever read). Chad with one “D” is biblical too. Mannix unfortunately recalls Brian Mannix of the Uncanny X-Men more than Bishop Daniel Mannix (Mannox ?).

Dalayla, Lu Lu, Krisna, Makinta, Shaina, Bentley, Zeppelin, Memphis Wyleigh, and Svend are all Unforgivable Curses, for a variety of reasons. Really, Dalayla ? I don’t even know how to begin to guess at it’s origins.
And Wyleigh seems to sit up and beg for a child with a rhotacism.

I really don’t understand why people do this. Our we in the middle of something akin to the Great Vowel Shift ?

7 01 2011
Edward

Oops, “Are”, not “Our”.

7 01 2011
Mr Q

I’m guessing – though with much trepidation – that Dalayla might somehow have started out as an intention to name the child Delilah. Though the fact that Delilah already has the boganic “ah” on the end of it already may mitigate against this theory, as it’s hard to see a bogue dropping such a letter.

7 01 2011
chubbybloodfart

can’t choose.
such a wealth of ignorant shyte.
on pure knee-jerk reaction, probably Jorja, but Jessykah really stings too…
In the end, we’re going for Swayde.
Pretty much for the reasons outlined by Tombarina.
fucking bogans.

7 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a serious national emergency coming up.

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/entertainment/music/calls-for-powderfinger-to-re-form-for-queensland-flood-concert/story-e6frf9hf-1225983468811

I f*cking told you they would be back, but never thought this soon. Does anyone know where Fanning lives. I will go over there with a hammer and a shovel pronto.

7 01 2011
chubbybloodfart

damn.
how could I have missed benefit gigs on my list of potential reunion tour excuses?

Fanning lives in Woollongabba somewhere I reckon.
dunno where I heard that.
but there’s a lot of timber houses ’round there…

7 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Let’s you and I torch the whole suburb, just to be sure.

Then I think a nice Rockford Black Shiraz to celebrate.

7 01 2011
chubbybloodfart

outstanding.
they can move the cricket to Boondal.
I have some fantastic grain fed Porterhouse to go with the Rockford.
maybe some Poached Oysters and Spicy Kimchee Cream. Sorta Surf and Turf (very QLD.)
(I forgot to mention we had Christmas dinner at Lenzerheide too)

7 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yep, they like to call it Reef and Beef in Joh land.

Thought – Did Joh introduce the surplus H. If so we could dig him up and kill him again.

I am feeling maxtremely outraged today for some reason. OUTRAGED.

7 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

Joh was a Johannes I believe. And his name was the least of his crimes

7 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Can I do it anyway?

7 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

Of course Simon, you’ve every right to express your outrage in an amoral, violent manner – is that pumpkin scone baking ole bitch of a wife of his buried nearby? Kill her again too. Unless she is still alive, then maybe don’t.

7 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

No I will just do her for the first time….

See what I did there.

7 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

I wish I hadn’t

7 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Sorry dude, that was a bit lame even for me.

7 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

We’ll blame it on the Outrage. One can’t be held accountable when outraged.

7 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

That’s true. I am beyond reason.

7 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

I have no doubt.

7 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Thanks mayte.

7 01 2011
p'bee

the vote on the same story at the smh has barely 50% supporting a powederfinger flood appeal reunion concert. i found that funny.

7 01 2011
Edward

You really don’t need a hammer, a shovel is a very effective weapon in it’s own right. In a previous job I made the mistake of asking why a client had surgical staples in his scalp. He generously informed me that there were 27 of them, and that someone had hit him over the head with the edge of a shovel (after catching him breaking into their house). A second hit would probably have been the end of him, (in my opinion). I’m sure that he needed medical attention which he wouldn’t have been able to obtain himself, following the injury. I recall him saying that the blade cut down to the bone, and put a groove in his right parietal bone.

7 01 2011
Edward

Sorry this appeared in the wrong place. I was replying to Simon – Glasser-at-Arms’ comment above, referring to Bernard Fanning.

7 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I just thought with the hammer I could pound him up real good. Kind of make sure, you know?

9 01 2011
Dr Greenthumb

West side of Brisbane, Pullenvale or so. He does his shopping sometimes in Kenmore. I’m sure we can camp out on some rooftops nearby.

7 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

Speaking of tragic names and events:

http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/police-fears-for-missing-baby-20110107-19hvf.html

If they don’t find Destinie now, they should just check strip clubs in 12 years, that’s where they’ll find her, the baby that is, not the mother.

7 01 2011
chubbybloodfart

snip snap!

7 01 2011
Danny

Did they spell the surname incorrectly? And should there be a colon in between the first & second names (double pun – BA-ZING!)

7 01 2011
7 01 2011
Kylie

I still think the best one I have ever seen was Blaque. (Blake in case you were wondering)

9 01 2011
Beau Zavier

I feel compelled to defend the spelling of Zavier. My middle name is ‘Zavier’ and mum intentionally spelt it that way because it’s the Bohemian spelling or something. I don’t know exactly, it’s some country’s derivative of Xavier. It’s cool though, and I’m far from bogan. That said, I did vote for Zavier just for fun. 🙂

9 01 2011
jed

While a creation all of its own and not in this category, I recently came across ‘Troyden’, hearing it aptly described as sounding like a rotten suburb with two centrelinks.

9 01 2011
mona

I know someone who, at 17, got his 16 year old girlfriend pregnant – throughout the pregnancy of which she smoked heavily and when that poor little child was born they named him Carlisle – after a character from Twilight. But they didn’t spell it like that, they spelt it Karlyal.

Winner.

11 01 2011
Edward

There is a suburb of Perth called Carlisle. Given it’s traditional and characteristic socio-economic woes, perhaps the lucky child blessed with this name-sake appellation has already had it’s destination selected for it.

11 01 2011
p'bee

if they were in the american south qould it be pronounced karl ‘yall?

12 01 2011
Edward

Oddly. Carlyle would also have been correct. That could be shortened to ether Carl or Lyle, both orthographically correct in their own right. What a waste.

10 01 2011
sis

I’m in the unfortunate position of having a younger sister who is a full blown bogue. As if the white hair extensions, spray tans and Ed Hardy obsession wasn’t enough, she has also changed the perfectly appropriate spelling of “Jessica” that I believe was quite popular in the late eighties, to the abomination that is “Jessyka”. Needless to say, I’m not much for family get-togethers.

10 01 2011
Lambchoppa

I have the winner(s). At a south coast NSW playground, I heard the tramp stamped mother cry out “Anakin, Danyan time to go” … naming your children after Star Wars characters … that takes the biscuit.

10 01 2011
AntiPajero

‘Deklyn’.
A friend’s 9.y.o. boy.
In the absence of any other boganish tendencies in effect on the father’s character, Occam’s razor says it woz the mother wot dunnit.

10 01 2011
The Court Jester

‘Jessykah’ resonates with me as a source of grievance which is now personal.

The increasing tendency of the cretinous bogan to insist on mangling the traditional ‘Jessica’ by using the spellings ‘Jessykah’, ‘Jessycka’, ‘Jessicah’, et al. (‘cos they’re yew-neek ‘n shit), has meant that I now frequently have to dedicate portions of my time to spelling my name out to people, and has resulted in conversations like these:

“Hi, the name is Jessica”
“How do you spell that?”
“Um, the normal old traditional way”
“So is that with a k, or a c, or both? And is there an ‘h’ on the end? My daughter’s is with a ‘ck’, we thought it was a bit un-ewe-shwal, you know?”
“*SIGH*” *mentally glasses the bogan in question*.

Farking oxygen thieves.

10 01 2011
SD

Time to rebrand books/characters then

Jessykah by Bryce C.

Kwik Lamb, Roze Pickles

Roofus Dawes and so on

But we can let Sybylla (Melvyn) be for her splendidly bogan name!

10 01 2011
The Court Jester

Splendid idea!

Coming next to Bogan Paperbacks: ‘T’Hesse of the D’Urbervilles’, ‘Bridjjitt Jones’s Diary’, ‘Rhomyo and Joolyett’, and ‘Dayyvyd Copperfield’.

And for the Bogan Children’s Classics: ‘Ayllysz’s Adventures in Wonderland’, as well as Roald Dahl’s ‘Mattylda’ and ‘Jaymz and the Giant Peach’.

Each book will be distilled so that its length does not exceed 40 pages, and will feature maxxxtreme illustrations of explosions and glassings, whether the story line calls for them or not.

10 01 2011
SD

LOL.

This makes me think that T’Hesse could be totally updated for bogan Australia – the bad guy can be from Underbelly. Sound of classic shattering.

10 01 2011
hannah_maree

I’ve just arrived back to Melb. after a trip to QLD. I cannot explain how many bogans were at the theme parks (movie world etc), as usual a lot had large tattoos dedicated to their children.

My favourite was- Indiihannah

A few others that caught my eye- Alaskah, D’Zell, Jakxon & Shaeleigh

11 01 2011
Lachlan

The best I have seen is Le-a (pronounced Ledasha, as it’s not a silent dash)

11 01 2011
Pandabater

*Sigh*

Chk Chk Boom

13 01 2011
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx Self-Titled Assistant Glasser at Arms

*glass*

13 01 2011
Tombarina

*spork*

14 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Who has ever seen a silent dash, c’mon hands up.

14 01 2011
Pandabater

Ninja skill # 14

14 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Actually I f*cked that up. It should read who has ever heard a silent dash.

The answer is also Ninjas!

14 01 2011
Löuie

It will make my day when the bogan finds it fashionable make use of heavy metal umlauts.

29 01 2011
Westbogue chronicle

Woefully few votes for “Swayde” but surely this has to win due to the fact that the other names are at least based on reasonable originals? Even correctly spelled, “Suede” is bogan classique.

Many of our number agree with you. Word that is as much an adjective as a noun used as a proper noun, then misspelled. Bogan. TBL

4 02 2011
Robert

You forgot CRUZ Hewitt;or is that super bogan?

28 04 2011
Ayla

When I was in high school there was a kid in my form class named “Bently”, being from a smallish town(sville) I had also happened to be know his brothers “Brogan” and “Bronson” (Twins)….

Oh and their last name was “Logan” (see: “Brogan”).

At some point it became public knowledge that his father was called “Bob” and his dog’s name also started with a “B”.

Thankfully the mother was called Janet or something.

29 08 2011
Bec

Swayde can’t be the worst misspelled name because it’s not a name in the first place!!!

19 01 2013
Sally

Instead of Dakota, think Dekoda. That’s a real one.

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