#26 – Malapropisms

16 11 2009

At some point on the journey from childhood to adulthood, the social power balance shifts. Among 14 year-olds, the superior social animal is the physical specimen: the best looking girl, the top athlete, the guy who manages to combine the boyish good looks of a young Brad Pitt with the unrestrained violence of Mike Tyson. Those whom they lord it over are the nerds. Those who, bereft of the genetic assistance their socially superior peers are blessed with, are forced to adapt to survive. They get smart.

"Hmmm......learn...."Years later, and the power balance has begun to shift. The physical specimens, lacking the need to cultivate an awareness of life, culture, or basic grammar, have found themselves at a disadvantage in the adult world where brains have suddenly and unexpectedly become paramount. That many of these former jocks and glamours have evolved into today’s bogans is unsurprising. Their response to this social shift, however, is. They fake it. By inserting words that sound similar to something they once overheard on the ABC into ordinary sentences, they believe that they can enhance their social standing.

With hilarious results.

The bogan malapropism has evolved into many variants. First is the effective mispronunciation of a common, and ostensibly appropriate word. Common among these are the two classics “for all intensive purposes” and “please be pacific”. However, these are easily remedied, and display at least a grasp of vocabulary, if not spelling.

One of the classic examples, if not strictly a malapropism, is certainly the most common. It is, literally, the misuse of the word ‘literally’. As in “It was so hot yesterday, I was literally on fire” or “I literally died crossing the road this morning”.

Another is more wonderful. It is the use of words that sound impressive, in the hope of slotting unobtrusively into a sentence. Often incorrect, sometimes they are actually complete antonyms of the intended meaning. For a demonstration, let us look no further than one of the commenters that we have (and dearly love) on Things Bogans Like, ‘Chester Ludlow’, discussing the merits of the site:

“The antithesis of “Stuff White People Like”, only lame.”

The prosecution rests, your honour. Except to close by quoting our very own Hunter McKenzie-Smythe: “It’s the double negative logic loop. He’s trying to double his diss, but unfortunately a byproduct of doing that is that the diss has disastrously collapsed in on itself, resulting in fail.”


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277 responses

16 11 2009
16 11 2009
gusface

My all time favourite

Chest, instead of chess.

dont get me started on the rools mate.
😉

17 11 2009
Paul C

I’ve seen signs for garage sales advising that they’re selling “chester drawers”, no doubt matching the “chest of field” sofa.

To say nothing of “crutcher” as half of a pair that people with a broken leg use to help with their mobility.

28 02 2010
ant

Well at least they spelled drawers correctly. I keep seeing it, in classified ads, in shops, everywhere, as “draws”.

16 11 2009
jay

mispronunciation is another trait. whilst not necessarily a malapropism, some of the more intelligent bogans have seen it written but never heard it pronounced. my favourite is ‘hyperbole’.

16 11 2009
Esther

I was hoping this one would happen – I think I ‘literally'(ha!) salivated when I first read the title, but #26 post should have been much more comprehenisve…… ‘each to their own’ instead of ‘to each his own’. There are a million. Thank you though, thank you.

16 11 2009
Esther

comprehensive, even. Kids, ALWAYS proofread before hitting send.

16 11 2009
Sara

Haha oh yes, the mispronunciation! Another good one is “epitome”.

29 01 2010
James

antipodes

16 11 2009
Indi

Not so much malpropisms but the attempted high falutes give me the screaming shits:
Utilise – why doesn’t anyone just use stuff any more?
Urinate – It’s what your kidneys do constantly : if they didn’t you’d die. Having a slash is micturition if you want to be piss-elegant.

16 11 2009
haps

My favourite one is “Disorientated”… as if they were, at some time, orientated??

It grates on me every time I hear it, especially in the media where they should know better…

16 11 2009
Indi

Or even just oriented?

16 11 2009
Clive

Does the non-word “brung” count?

16 11 2009
TRU-BLU-OCCA

Yeah ay, there ain’t nuthin wrong with the way I speak, coz it makes the sheilas think i’m real educated and that.

19 11 2009
M E Nelson Esq

Tru-blu-occa, you have forgotten to add the ‘but’ on the end of your sentence. Now please re-write you blog again, ending in “…the shiela think I’m real educated and that but!

18 01 2010
Trevor Andthat

You should never finish a sentence with the word ‘but’.

1 02 2010
Belinda

Ya know, it’s all this Andthat, but!

Woohoo! Feels so good.

16 11 2009
ColinJ

A favourite of mine that I’ve heard several times in the past ‘irregardless’.

16 11 2009
chris of South yarra

LOL, so this whole website is like nerds revenge..

16 11 2009
B

hahah so true but it’s awesome… i have to admit though I can’t actually wrap my head aroud that antithesis line

16 11 2009
shazza

B,
Antithesis means directly opposite, yet this site emulates Stuff White People Like (an American blog I believe).
(Just in case you genuinely didn’t get it)

17 11 2009
bendiagram

And the addendum that it’s the antithesis of SWPL, “only lame” makes it even more confusing. It’s like… do they think SWPL is lame, thereby having to add the “only lame” bit on to the end of the statement that this is the opposite of it? Or do they .. I don’t even.

16 11 2009
WordNerd

Eighth letter of the alphabet anyone? Trying to explain what a fricative is to the adult bogan and how you’re supposed to actually pronounce ‘H’ can be equally fun and exhausting.
“But it’s the sound of the letter,” they say. “Haitch!”
“OK,” you reply, “Use that same logic to explain the sounds of C, F, L, M, N, Q, R, S, U, W and X.”

11 01 2010
caracal1788

General opinion (yes, I frequent some interesting forums) is that “haitch” in Australia has traditionally been a Catholic thing. I’m not sure how well-educated Catholics pronounce it.

3 05 2010
pedantal

“Haitch” is actually a way of discerning an Australian Catholic education. A friend of mine was at her boyfriends house for dinner for the first time and got tested on this. Unfortunately Catholics need not apply at that household.

16 11 2009
Ruby

In the small country town where I grew up, nearly everyone in the town thought that the word “ignorant” means to ignore someone. For example: “why didn’t you reply to my text message, you’re so ignorant!”. They refused to believe the English teacher when she tried to correct them. Very ironic.

16 11 2009
Jodie

“I could care less” drives me insane. So, you couldn’t care more? Which means you care a lot? Idiots.

16 11 2009
ColinJ

I think that’s a classically American piece of idiocy. You hear it all the time in US shows and movies.

17 11 2009
Peter of Kensington

Jodie, ‘I could care less’ does not definitively mean ‘couldn’t care more’ or ‘cares a lot’. I will put it in simply for you; if someone cares a little, they could still care less, right?

I agree with your sentiment and often argue this issue with my friends from the US. However, your reasoning is wrong and you look foolish for incorrectly criticising others.

“Idiots”

17 11 2009
Jodie

You’re right, Peter. I realised that after I wrote it. D’oi. My bad.

17 11 2009
Jodie

…..haha. People who say, “my bad”. 😉

17 11 2009
andy

haha People who cry “TAXI”, when someone drops a glass or something equivalent.

1 02 2010
Belinda

Or ‘blow me!’.

I like ‘my bad’, but I rarely use it because I do argue with myself that it may come across wrong, my bad if it did.
😉

1 02 2010
Indi

I think it’s short for ‘Well, blow me down’ rather than something more, intimate, shall we say when used by an older generation. That same generation, however, will use the expressions “Well, bugger me!” or “I’ll be buggered” without demur.

1 02 2010
Belinda

Yeah that’s what I meant. I just never hear anyone actually saying ‘blow me down’ anymore. I just wonder if it will de-evolve with this generation.

1 02 2010
Indi

Into a more ‘bite me’ (ouch) kinda phrase? “Suck my dick” is of course only amusing when used by a woman.

14 02 2010
Sigh...

Sentences like that are referred to as idioms.

Not everything is literal you idiot.

16 11 2009
Kris

AH! Great topic this one! Actually as recently as last night I heard one.

Now, god love him and all, but Sam Worthington being interviewed on Rove: He was talking about working with James Cameron on Avatar and he said he (Sam) went in with (and I quote) “all guns blaring.”

Big Brother was a fertile breeding ground for all sorts of malapropisms too. Which makes perfect sense, no?

16 11 2009
berihebi

They so feel so pressurized to say something smart.

During an induction to a new job at a government department many years ago a well-groomed and attractive young bogan with a nonetheless give-away accent spent some time telling me all about the importance of ‘ethnics’ in government. I’m happy to say that I proved to be one of the most ethnical members of staff.

16 11 2009
B

“pressurized”

is that correct here? isn’t it “pressured” ?

and someone please confirm.. aussies spell it as “pressurised” right?

16 11 2009
berihebi

Yes B right on both counts. No flies mate.

16 11 2009
Rick

Good post. What about another one on bogan mispronunciation of “th” as “f”? For example: “I got f(th)ree free f(th)ings f(th)rown in free with my last carton of Jack Daniels”.

16 11 2009
Ghengis

make that wif(th)

7 01 2010
Viktor

To be fair, not everyone that pronounces “th” as “f” are bogans. I myself pronounce “th” as “f” due to the fact that I have a genetic condition prevented me from developing teeth, forcing me to live with false teeth. Due to the design of dentures covering the roof of the mouth, it is impossible for me to produce the “th” sound despite several years of training with a speech pathologist. Just something to think about next time you here someone mis-pronouncing certain sounds.

That being said, the malapropisms listed in this article are were quite enjoyable to read.

16 11 2009
Tone

When I did my time in retail many moons ago, this newfangled payment method called EFTPOS was just starting to catch on. The store in question was a large discount department store in the northern suburbs of Adelaide, which has traditionally been home to a large Bogan community. Anyhoo, one of the funniest things about working there was being constantly asked if we took ‘EP-TOSS’ cads. ‘Eftpos’, whilst a mouthful, sounds exactly like it spells. Sheesh.

16 11 2009
Tone

^ and I can’t even spell ‘cards’. How bogan must I be …?

16 11 2009
Jodie

Speaking of which- “PIN number” and “ATM machine”. Argh.

17 11 2009
Lee

Or LPG gas.

16 11 2009
Clive

You’ll be glad to know they still call it “eff-posst”.

16 11 2009
Gigi on a Soapbox

My (least) favourite Boganisms:
(1) The unnecessary use of the word ‘personally’.
(2) The incorrect use of the word ‘nauseous’. For example, “I am nauseous”, meaning you are the cause of nausea, which I guess in some (all) cases is in fact correct, although not the intended meaning.
(3) The gratuitous use of the word ‘actually’.
(4) The incorrect use of the word ‘done’. Example: “I done that.” *shudder* It makes me angry just typing it.
(5) Defending the abuse of the English language.
(6) Trying to correct what they (wrongly) think is poor grammar, disregarding convention or intention.

16 11 2009
danny

argh! patients are always telling me they’re nauseous. often incidentally accurate. but yes, it’s a constant struggle to not correct them.

18 11 2009
brad

gigi i think you need some lovin!

16 11 2009
Gigi on a Soapbox

AND
(7) The misuse of the word ironic.
Now I’m finished. : )

16 11 2009
WordNerd

Thereby making Alanis Morisette the world’s biggest bogan. Or perhaps this is the reason she was so popular?

17 11 2009
ColinJ

I don’t believe I ever heard Ms. Morisette ever use the term ‘ironical’. Which is more than I can say for some of the bogans I have encountered.

16 11 2009
berihebi

This blog is still so random

16 11 2009
Ash

Thanks for raising those Points Gigi; does the misuse of the word ‘seen’ (much like ‘done’) annoy the crap out of anyone else? ie ‘I seen this guy…’ UGH

16 11 2009
Peter of Kensington

What an original criticism. Thankyou for raising this issue and identifying that it is unique to the bogans.

16 11 2009
Jai'syn

Agreeance.

28 02 2010
ant

My pet hate at the moment. I spring on all occurances of it with savage cries and rip it to bits, fur and feathers flying everywhere.

16 11 2009
Jodie

Haha, I am personally, literally in agreeance with you, Jai’syn.

16 11 2009
Maxx

I’m sorry but, … is my favourite boganism. “Begs the question” is my second favourite. You don’t mean “begs the question”… you mean “RAISES the question”! Damn you!!!

Ah, I feel better now.

16 11 2009
Peter of Kensington

‘Begs the question’ is perfectly legitimate when referring to the logical fallacy.

17 11 2009
Maxx

Yep. When referring to a logical fallacy. Which bogans never are. They’re using it as a synonym for “raise the question”. Which it’s not.

17 11 2009
Peter of Kensington

Well, one of my favourite boganisms is when they make an absolute statement, but expect people to infer that it has limitations. For example “you mean “RAISES the question”

18 11 2009
Maxx

Mine too.

19 11 2009
pokrulez

We’ll all infer that the mysterious extra double quote is for good luck.

19 11 2009
pokrulez

I can’t keep up with all these websites!
http://thingspokrulezlikes.wordpress.com/

16 11 2009
somatic668

And I arks you, irregardless of intent…Oh damn, no, just go on guys.

16 11 2009
ColinJ

And you gotta love the bogan taking up that infuriating British phrase “At the end of the day…”

16 11 2009
FT

I have a friend with possibly the biggest bogan girlfriend known to mankind, which I mean both literally and figuratively. She constantly mixes up her sayings, but has a particular love of the made up phrases “but, on the other note” and “at the other hand”.

I can only assume that the first such saying is a blend of “on another note” and “on the other side of the coin” (which is an annoying saying in itself, if you ask me). I’ve since used my powers of bogan-translation to figure out that she always means the latter, since the former would generally be followed by a change of topic, were it used correctly.

The second such mixed up saying, I believe, is a mixture of “at the same time” and “on the other hand”.

She also has the uncanny ability to use the phrase “Don’t get me wrong…” at the start of at least 75% of her sentences. It’s quite remarkable, really.

16 11 2009
berihebi

Tell your friend to dump her or dump your friend.

17 11 2009
FT

have tried to get him to dump her… many, many times. Unfortunately, he would not listen and instead just asked her to marry him! Devastated.

19 11 2009
Mavis

Don’t you mean “devo” ? Another boge fave.

29 01 2010
James

Just wait for the Jaydyns to start arriving…

16 11 2009
Guinea pig

C’mon man, 36 posts without reference to “obviously”…listen to any sporting interview and you will discover “obviously” is the new “yeah, nah”.

16 11 2009
Valo

I do love the post match sporting interviews

Interviewer: ‘So how do you feel after that hard fought match?’

Player: Yeah nah look y’know like obviously at the end of the day we knew that they’d come at us hard and that y’know, like obviously we stuck to our game plan and y’know at the end of the day we were confident that if we stuck fat that we’d come out on top and that’

17 11 2009
Jasper

And the over use of “probably” by sports people. “Yeah, we’re probably a bit disappointed with the result”

So you’re assuming you are disappointed? Get back to us after you’ve asked yourself. Or arksed.

17 11 2009
Lee

That is funny, you are either disappointed or not. What I think you meant Jasper was ‘probly’.

18 11 2009
Jasper

Yeah nah, I probly did Lee

16 11 2009
ColinJ

Is there anything more pitiable than a person who says ‘arks’ instead of ‘ask’.

I’ve worked with middle-aged people who say that, and clearly have no idea they’re doing it or how stupid it makes them seem.

16 11 2009
Jarrrydd

When the bogan is faced with two choices of equal weight, it will often identify a case of “either/either”, pron. “EE-tha, EYE-tha.”

NO IT’S NOT! IT’S FRICKEN’ “EITHER/OR”!!!!! Stupid bogan.

And don’t get me started on “supposably.”

17 11 2009
ColinJ

Is it time for me to open myself up to bogan ‘outing’?

But I always seemed to think the phrase was actually ‘either/or’.

As far as I’m concerned ‘either/and’ is simply the same thing. But if one is asked to choose between ‘either/or’ it indicates that it is either one single thing or both of those things.

Please, can the bogan police let me know if I’m right as I am genuinely interested.

17 11 2009
Lee

One that does shit me and I dont know why is the saying ” it’s six and one half dozen to the other” or however it’s pronounced. Maybe it’s because I worked with a bloke who would manage to throw that into every sentence he spoke.

18 11 2009
Jasper

“Six of one, a half dozen the other” I believe

16 11 2009
Lee

Wow, this is one for the ‘true’ intellects that peruse this blog.
Dude, I fink this is gunna be filf aye.

16 11 2009
Kasey

Every -fink and nuf-fink, which bikie gang are these idiots taking about again??
“Welcome to da EM Cee Gee Dis afternoon” (are they disrespecting half of the day? I just don’t know, I’ve always found english to be a relatively straight forward language…it grates my cheese to hear the bogan mangling the Queen’s good language:(

16 11 2009
Dee

I used to have a bogan boss who would try to impress prospective clients by referring to the “high calliper” staff he had working for him.

16 11 2009
rebeccavonsmith

That is beautiful!

16 11 2009
Eye Roller

Oh I love it when the bogans send an email to the entire office and get several words wrong, multiple times:

“Can all staff please remember that their is a fire drill on monday morning. The meeting point is at the stationary cupboard on the east side of the building. If any one is unsure of where the stationary is kept, please just ask. If their is any other questions, please let me know.”

*stabs self in eye*

17 11 2009
Dee

No, no. It would be “If their is any other question’s..”

Bogans love apostrophe abuse.

16 11 2009
Liam

This girl I know always used to say ‘addicting’…. As in, ‘This blog is so addicting!’ … Drove me insane.

16 11 2009
Alice

Bogans are notoriously bad with tenses. My bogan neighbour says the following rather frequently:

“I done it” instead of “I did it”,

and

“I seen it” instead of “I saw it”.

17 11 2009
shazza

Oh Alice that gets me going too.
How about ‘I had gone to the shop’, instead of ‘I went to the shop’. AAaaahhh.

16 11 2009
Jodie

Oh, and “I would of” instead of “I would have”.

Guh.

17 11 2009
FT

OOOh, Jodie, you hit a nerve with me there! Hearing someone say (or worse, seeing someone write!) “would of” instead of “would have” is possibly my most hated bogan trait. It really REALLY annoys me! 🙂

20 12 2009
Andrew

Jodie, that wins the prize for the most irritating bogan-ism. I can’t stand “would of” probably more than I can’t stand “aks”…!!

28 02 2010
ant

a related one is “bored of”. I don’t know where it came from, but now it’s everywhere.

16 11 2009
Lee

Maybe we should learn em how to talk proper.

16 11 2009
berihebi

Just arks ’em nicely to speak better

16 11 2009
sflyons

Although I loathe bogan ways as much as anyone else here, and I’m as irritated by their crimes against language, I think a lot of the stuff y’all are complaining about is below the belt.

A lot of these things grate on *me* as well but I think we need to suck it up and accept at least some of them as idiomatic rather than idiotic. People learn to speak a certain way because of the culture they grow up in, not necessarily because they’re stupid.

The post was about the desperate urge of the bogan to sound clever, and I think that’s a legitimate target.

thingking – “anythingk”, “nothingk” – is something we’ll just have to live with. As far as I can tell it’s just a dialectic variation: it’s exactly the sort of thing that has created the diverse and glorious variety of accents and languages any open-minded person enjoys in the world around them. It only annoys us because a lot of genuine fuckwits do it.

“I would of” vs “I would have” – this is far more widespread than the world of the bogan. It’s the result of mishearing contractions like “would’ve” and “could’ve” as “would of” and “could of”. It’s a mistake that results from a lack of encountering it in print, I guess.

Tense confusions like done-did, see-saw are annoying, but if someone’s using them that way consistently then they know what they’re saying but have simply reversed the meanings of the words – because that’s how the language is used in their milieu.

Would you make fun of a lot of black Americans for the way they speak? I’d love to see you walk up to Melvin van Peebles and tell him that he’s a fucking idiot.

Disclaimer: My name is Shane, and I grew up working class (but I was one of the nerds).

16 11 2009
Muz

Great comment.

17 11 2009
Harold Holt's Floaties

Spot on mate. Accent/dialect variations are a wonderful thing. I’m definitely not having a pop at them.

17 11 2009
shazza

Y’all? Oh please! I spy a yank in the ranks.

17 11 2009
Ruby

I agree sflyons, good comment.

17 11 2009
njp

Well said.
Some of the pedants on here have been extraordinarily harsh but then all anti-bogans have perfect diction and have a dictionary imprinted on their brains so as to use all words correctly at all times.

6 12 2009
Shamus

Why yes, everyone on this page makes fun of a lot of black Americans for the way they speak. White ones, too. You just wait until you hear the ones in the South, what a riot! It was a bad idea to throw the racism spanner around inappropriately. That is the trademark of the PC bogan.

To the point, use of phrases such as “I would of” just cannot be justified as the spice of life, damn it! We’re not addressing variations of words and pronunciations based on exposure. No, sir!

The very meaning of words elected for use in phrases such as “I would of” example simply have no association with each other. Read the previous sentence again.

Discarding this logic (which the bogan *is* quite capable of ‘sussing out’ should he care to) because it would screw up your regurgitated sound byte is not cultural charm; it is ignorance.

Back to the topic of this page, take a moment to appreciate the wide variety of words and phrases summoned when the bogan must refer to a computer chassis. 🙂

2 01 2010
James

Bogans speak like bogans because they grew up in a bogan culture. This is not a profound revelation.

Malapropisms are a major part of that culture, hence, they are a Thing Bogans Like, and deserving of a blog entry.

18 11 2009
brad

we cant all be rocket surgeons or learn brain science though lee

19 11 2009
Lee

Yeah nah ya right Brad, its a bit more harder since when I got some slight dain bramage too ya no

16 02 2011
Tim

Haha nice post, brad.

Have you ever seen the Canadian TV show “Trailer Park Boys”? A character, Ricky, is constantly mincing his words in fine (and freaking hilarious) fashion.

“It doesn’t take rocket appliances”, “It’s peach and cake” and “I’m not a pessimist, I’m an optometrist” are a few of his finest.

16 11 2009
Evan

“It’s a hard road to cross, you hafta wait for ages on the medium strip”
“Oh well, gives me plenty of time to drink my expresso”

17 11 2009
Jasper

Oh God! “Expresso”!!!
Drives me mad. I know a bogan who fits the bill of this blog. Always trying to impress on others how intelligent he is and also is the first to point out how stupid he thinks everyone else in the world is.
Loves to tell everyone how hard it is to find a good “expresso” near his office, and how he can’t start his day without his “expresso”.

16 11 2009
Mully

I used to work with a woman in sales who would say to her clients; “It’s a rilly rep-yoo-double company, ya know?” It sent shivers down my spine.

16 11 2009
Linda

He come in the door. HARassment, not haRASSment. Aaargh!

8 02 2010
Juan

I think it’s her asse actually…and that and stuff.

16 11 2009
harold holts floaties

Lets not forget that sadly all too common misspelling of the word ‘loser’ as ‘looser’. Regularly seen in any mindless bogan rant in online newspaper comments sections, ie ‘ these boat people loosers arent welcome in australia ‘

17 11 2009
Indi

Forever a Leunig cartoon of the seventies- someone getting a tattoo ‘Born Looser’ – and the tattooist apologising ‘Geez, sorry mate’

17 11 2009
Lee

sflyons has hit it on the head, they know what they mean as does everybody else.
One thing that does shit me in written text, and this is popping up at an alarming rate even in the media, is the use of the word “then” instead of “than”. Eg, “I’m smarter then you”.

17 11 2009
Jodie

Ahhh, I was just going to say that! Drives me mental.

18 11 2009
chris of South yarra

you must have a really hard life , so many mis interpreted words in world … it must be global warming lolz

17 11 2009
Smelly

When, penultimately, the result will be… I will look like a dick.

17 11 2009
brauns

aten.

17 11 2009
Georgette

“It literally costed me nothing”. WOW.
And the latest trend I’ve noticed:
“I can’t wait to have “r” coffee”. Facebook status updates -They keep me entertained.

17 11 2009
Mhar'iey

Housemate attempting to demonstrate intelligence by mentioning disease where people are compelled to eat “unanimous” objects.
Really?
They ate objects that were in complete agreement?

17 11 2009
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Let’s not forget all those bogan “pre madonnas” out there…

17 11 2009
Tone

When I think ‘pre Madonna’, I think Debbie Harry.

Meanwhile, back on topic … my penultimate gripe is bogans that use ‘penultimate’ as though it’s better than ultimate rather than something that happens before the final thing that happens in a chain of events, or the second last item in a set.

Finally, my biggest gripe with bogan malapropisms is the abuse of the apostrophe. I am aware that technically this is a crime against punctuation rather than a malapropism as such, but it fucking shits me.

22 12 2009
chubbybloodfart

aaaah! at last! Hear Hear! apostrophe abuse is a crime against nature, not merely punctuation. the whole “you’re”/”your” fiasco and adding apostrophes to pluralised anythings makes me want to snap and fucking kill! (also people who write “fucken” instead of “fucking” but that’s coarse and even further off topic)

22 12 2009
chubbybloodfart

…notes punctuation in that post was fucken woeful!

17 11 2009
Jodie

Ohhh, and on a semi-related note- corporate speak. I can’t fucking stand it. “At the end of the day we need to touch base and liaise to keep the client in the loop. Be proactive and think outside the square to reach a novel demographic paradigm.”

It could be argued that it’s more yuppie than bogan, but it comes from the same desire of dullards to use polysyllabic and often non-existent words in a misguided effort to sound smart or original.

17 11 2009
ColinJ

Yeah, that’s definitely yuppie.

But it comes from the same place of intellectual insecurity, be it bogan or yuppie..

Bogans would be more likely to say something like “Yeah, no… you’s can giffucked and tell that cunt to, like, get his shit together ‘n that,. eh?”

17 11 2009
njp

So going forward, how will you stand on the ishshues?

Personally, for myself, I can’t a-bidet bad speaking

17 11 2009
Rob

I have to nominate the phrase “It’s hotting up”. I know it doesn’t extend just to bogans. I know it is quite ingrained to the point where it’s apparently become acceptable. It still annoys the shit out of me.

17 11 2009
njp

FCUK labels – can’t even spell it right!

But they can do it – just look at all kids that Narelle, Sharelle, Jenelle, Darlene and Raelene have.

17 11 2009
Lee

French Connection United Kingdom I’m pretty sure FCUK stands for. Correct me if I’m wrong though!

18 11 2009
Simon

Yeah, but it is the fact that bogans think it is cool and edgy having fuck spelt wrong on their shirt etc that will piss off the non bogan.

19 11 2009
Lee

True

7 01 2010
Viktor

If I was to misspell any combination of the word fuck, I would prefer “F=K.U” While not actually a misspelling, I am sure it would be a favourite of the bogans if available on shirts.

17 11 2009
Nafos

Indie kids and arts students are just as likely to use malapropisms as bogans. This isn’t a bogan issue, all sorts of people are stupid…

17 11 2009
Jamie

“It’s a lot more clearer to me now”

18 11 2009
@jeanette_kc

My all-time favourite (read: most hated expression) is “should of” instead of “should have” or “should’ve”.

As in:

“I should of known better” or “You should of just called me”

It amazes me that they’ve taken what an abbreviation sounds like and then just changed the goddamn word!

And my bogan alarm bells ‘literally’ start ringing whenever I see someone actually write it this way in an email at work…

18 11 2009
brad

you know what @jeanette_kc(thank god i get that right),you can tell so much about aperson who constantly corrects grammer in every day conversation-it a dead give away of an uptight,anal controlling and arrogant personality and i always take great pleasure reminding such deluded types about the bigger picture(such as their physical wellbeing) when they forget their manners.

19 11 2009
sflyons

You know what, @jeanette_kc? (Thank God I get that right). You can tell so much about a person who constantly corrects grammar in every day conversation: it‘s a dead give-away of an uptight, anal, controlling and arrogant personality. I always take great pleasure from reminding such deluded types of the bigger picture (such as their physical well-being) when they forget their manners.

19 11 2009
brad

find your own rant you runt

11 01 2010
caracal1788

I love you. (But I don’t believe in god).

18 11 2009
amr

God bless Warney and his love of ‘playing for Ostrayyia’

….like, you know, like….. No I fucking don’t!

Had a personal trainer who kept referring to my ‘torsal.’ Perhaps that’s why I am still unfit. I didn’t know where he was talking about!

18 11 2009
Rebecca

Nobody seems to know how to pronounce the word “advertisement” even people I worked with in the advertising industry!!!!

18 11 2009
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Bogans are very interested in me (as their natural superior) – they like to axe me lots of questions.

18 11 2009
brad

whats your star sign fiona?

19 11 2009
SKK

This quote is real from a guy I know; “I can’t help it if girls find me charming, I guess I’ve just got the gift of the gob!”… Yep. I also know a guy with JGRBMB(jager bomb) as his plate… 2 birds one stone!

19 11 2009
Jodie

“I can’t help it if girls find me charming, I guess I’ve just got the gift of the gob!” BAHAHAHAAAAAAA! He knows not what he says. Bless him.

23 11 2009
bec

“I’ve just got the gift of the gob”…

He squirts lighter fluid on people and enters the room to Europe’s “The Final Countdown”?

30 11 2009
Jodie

HA! Bec, priceless.

“I’m an illusionist!”

19 11 2009
Mavis

What about the ambliance that takes them to the hostable without arksking them?

As for mispronunciations, I once worked with a rool bogan who said ly-aise for liaise…

And on the misuse of grammar front there’s the eternal YOUR… your nice. Your welcome. Etc. You’s are cool. Or Youse are cool. Look at my photo’s. Could of has already been mentioned.

I’m sure any speech by Pauline Hanson would be littered with all of the above.

19 11 2009
Nick

My sediments exactly.

19 11 2009
casualcyclist

I think you’ll find it’s “The persecution rests, your honour.” :p

19 11 2009
M E Nelson Esq

A bogan in denial after her boyfriend is arrested for assault: ” ‘E wouldn’t hurt a fly! ‘E never did anyfink or nuffink, eiver’.
A bogan replying when ‘arksed’ the age of their 4th illegitamate infant off-spring: “Free mumfs”

19 11 2009
Bogan Hater

I was wondering when someone was going to mention “youse”. And I can’t stand it when bogans try to sound cultured by saying “purchase” instead of “buy”.

19 11 2009
Lee

I am no literary genius by a long shot, but I can’t handle morons who say stuff like “show us a look” “gimme it” ( give me it) and especially the mispronunciation of “FF” instead of “TH”………. ” I fink I might have free bucks in me pocket” or ” I arksed me muvva if I can move back home for a few mumfs, she’s all sweet. Man she makes a filf punkin soup aye”.

19 11 2009
Ghengis

I wanna be effluent mum

19 11 2009
Lee

Raw effluent!

1 12 2009
jinkies

I’m amazed this is the only K&K reference in this entire post!

20 11 2009
irritated

“and stuff” – the universal generalisation for everything.

“awesome” – as if there are no other words in the dictionary.

21 11 2009
Fletcher

How about “Ecscape”

23 11 2009
Chris

“Café” pronounced as “caff”…I don’t even know if that pronouncement is of bogan origin, but it annoys me.

23 11 2009
Ruby

People who say “Pronounciation” instead of “Pronunciation”. At my old work, the boss used to brief us on what to say to clients, and she would be like “now the correct PRONOUNCIATION of this word is…” *shakes head*.

It also really annoys me when bogans pronounce “Moet et Chandon” champagne “Moey”.

24 11 2009
JimC

I once overheard a snippet of a conversation where some bloke said to the guy with him: “Nah, mate, it’s bullshit. It was all smoking mirrors…”

26 11 2009
Kate

I hate the bogan’s who wake up in the morning and get dressed in either their “close” or “cloves”.
These are often the very same ones who engage in conversations such as ” I need me cash mate, I’m goin down the doggies on Satdee night with the missus”

26 11 2009
Kat

I never worry about mispronunciation – to me if someone knows a word and doesn’t know how to pronounce it, well, at least they read.

26 11 2009
Pj

This whole thread is pure gold! Thoroughly enjoyable.

A personal favourite of mine is a girl I used to know who would use “weary” for “wary”, as in “I’m a bit weary of that fella, I don’t trust him wiv anythink”

2 12 2009
Claire

Aksully is used so often now, as is amaaaaayyyyzing.

7 12 2009
Robbie

I feel the need to physically assault someone when I hear “well BASICALLY….” and then they launch into some drawn out drivvel that goes on for 15 minutes.

It obviously wasn’t a BASIC explanation was it you fuckwit!! 😛

8 12 2009
joblurg

I’m a little surprise that the issue of bought/brought misuse has not yet been noted. “I bought this over to your place”, and “I brought this one here at the shops”. It never fails to piss me off.

15 12 2009
chris

My favourite: Correct phrase “Augurs well for the future” meaning bodes well…

Bogan malaprop “Augers well” as in the type of drill

OR my ALL TIME FAVOURITE: “It all goes well”

17 12 2009
Travis Bickle

Yep,

“It all goes well for the future” is a classic boganism.

“It’s a gibbon” instead of “it’s a given”. As if a type of monkey represented a fait accompli.

Finally, one that James Brayshaw came up with when he was describing his plan to rescue the North Melbourne Football Club: “We’ll approach a lot of high network individuals”, instead of “high net worth individuals”. He’s worse than Eddie McGuire (the uberbogan), because he’s the uberbogan WANNABE.

18 12 2009
BogansBegone

“high net worth individuals'”

He could of saved hisself embrasserment by saying “RICH PEOPLE” ! 🙂

17 12 2009
col

Overheard in a Westfield Shoppingtown:

7 Year Old Bogan Girl to departing friends: “Oi, where ya’z goin’?”
Bogan Girl’s Bogan Mother: “Sharelle, speak proply. It’s not ‘yaz’, it’s ‘youse’!!”

18 12 2009
BogansBegone

Craig Foster – SBS soccer pundit , all-round nice guy – drives me mad with his references to “INNER-national football” . As opposed to outer-national ?

19 12 2009
Jackson not Jhaxsun

Oh man, I always hear literally being used to make the language stronger, as to make the story more exciting to the bogan listener with the short attention span. It’s great because the meaning is the total opposite.
I swear to God that I saw a channel 10 news story where the reporter said ‘the boats were literally flying’ upon reviewing the footage I was certain they were not.
Another thing I’ve noticed lately is the obsession with saying ‘absolute’ or ‘absolutely’. The bogans get so excited that they are saying this word that they often fumble the rest of the sentence that they seemingly were so prepared for with their enthusiasm in saying absolute.
Mate, you are an aaaabsolute…(angry grumbles)……person who does dumb things.

21 12 2009
Korubell

Recent boganisms I’ve experienced: Hellapaychoes for jalapenos. I tried to correct this one but the speaker wasn’t having any of it. The literal enunciation of Neck Lace as opposed to the commonly accepted Neckliss (so to speak). ‘Haitch’ turns me into a very unreasonable woman. Jura for jeweller and juree for jewellery. Coles – whether it’s a Coles supermarket or not.

11 01 2010
caracal1788

The “Melbourne S” – “I’m off to MyerS at NorflandS”

18 01 2010
John Vardanega

“Sometimes they are actually complete antonyms of the intended meaning…‘Chester Ludlow’, discussing the merits of the site:

“The antithesis of “Stuff White People Like”, only lame.”

The prosecution rests, your honour. Except to close by quoting our very own Hunter McKenzie-Smythe: “It’s the double negative logic loop. He’s trying to double his diss, but unfortunately a byproduct of doing that is that the diss has disastrously collapsed in on itself, resulting in fail.””

——-

Well, it’s interesting. As less-than considered as the original comment may have been (use of the word ‘lame’ tends to suggest a high degree of cynicism), in one sense TBL would have to be seen as something of a flipside to SWPL; the types of white person being dealt with are clearly diametrically opposed.

And while ‘antithesis’ might be pushing it, and with all subjective opinions aside, I don’t really see a major failing in the logic of Chester’s statement.

20 01 2010
ChaoticButterfly

i’m gonna throw this one in the ring. the word ‘random’, when used to describe events or instances that were, in fact, not random at all. alternatively, the use of the word ‘random’ as a label for any person who is unknown to you.

‘and then i walked down the stairs, but at the last step, i fell down because it was broken. such a random night!’….ugh!! grates my ears!

or,

‘so i was at hungry jack’s and this random just bumped into me’.

21 01 2010
Korubell

New boganism, heard last night: “He had an inoperative brain tumour”.

25 01 2010
hel

I once told a bogan female she had a dearth of braincells and she took it as a compliment. Bogans misunderstanding language is a gift bestowed on us, we must fully exploit it….. or die trying, literally 😛

25 01 2010
hel

and in reference to the ex bogan boyfriend, one day in an attempt to expand his vocabulary, I told him we had enjoyed a hedonist weekend together and he looked at me and wanted to know what a head on a stick had to do with it. Yes, again, serious.

1 02 2010
smoochie

Not always obvious when spoken but I often find it written – substituting ‘of’ for ‘have’

‘I could of been there’, as in ‘I could have been there’

1 02 2010
Belinda

Good call.. Someone else said it too. Can never tell ’em enough though.

I say, ‘I could’ve been there’ and when I’m talking it does sound a bit like could of. No excuse to write it I guess. Lucky I don’t.

1 02 2010
DK

I have found a home in the Blog world……I love this thread…thank youse all!

no-one has mentioned my favourite Bogan turn of phrase the “yeah…nah” as in “yeah…nah it was real good”. Also love “filfy” and “spewin” as in “I come home from the pub and I was filfy drunk an the missus was literally spewin at me me”……

1 02 2010
Loftie

“yeah…. nah…”

its the bogan way of not being wrong….

4 02 2010
dL

Random.
From anyone – Bogan or not – to mean anything but random.

18 02 2010
Mark of Pyrmont

When did “reluctant” change its meaning to that of “reticent”? I hear say they’re “reticent to do it.” Reticent means Get it right, people!

18 02 2010
Mark of Pyrmont

Bugger. I cut and pasted a meaning and it didn’t show. I’ll try again. Reticent means “not revealing one’s thoughts or feelings readily : she was extremely reticent about her personal affairs.”

18 02 2010
Mark of Pyrmont

I’ve found vat bogans live in Pemwiff & follow foopbaw.

1 03 2010
Shirley M

Bogans have ‘unique’ ways to start sentences, such as ‘evidently’ and ‘just quietly’. For example, “Just quietly, Tahlia has left her husband. Evidently, he was having it off with someone else”.

1 03 2010
Shirley M

The pronunciation of computer as ‘com – poo – tah’.

2 03 2010
Albert

My sister in law –
A mute point.

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