The Full List

#253 – Fifty Shades of Grey

#252 – Tom Waterhouse

#251 – Gates

#250 – Donald Trump

#249 – Pauline Hanson

#248 – Bashing Hippie Skulls

#247 – Gig Photography

#246 – Tax Refunds

#245 – The Makers of ‘The Hangover’

#244 – Low Interest Rates

#243 – Perspective-Based Photography at Famous Landmarks

#242 – Playing The Markets

#241 – Theatre Restaurants

#240 – Cruise Ships

#239 – Talking About Joining the Army

#238 – The Australian Dollar 

#237 – Conspiracy Theories

#236 – Sex Addiction

#235 – WAGs

#234 – Fender Stratocasters

#233 – Schadenfreude

#232 – Bundaberg Rum

#231 – Shock Jocks

#230 – Cross-Promotions

#229 – Your Favourite Bar

#228 – Doing it Wrong

#227 – Banks

#226 – Cougars

#225 – Massive Prams

#224 – Zara

#223 – Meat Lovers’ Pizzas

#222 – Walking Between Train Carriages

#221 – Baptisms

#220 – Richard Mercer

#219 – Online Binary Polls

#218 – Mexican Beer

#217 – Driving Like a Fucking Idiot

#216 – The Real World

#215 – Franchises

#214 – Complaining About Facebook

#213 – Other People’s Backyards

#212 – Buying Australian Made

#211 – Foxtel

#210 – Manly Diet Cola

#209 – Tiffany & Co.

#208 – Platinum

#207 – Cheap Petrol

#206 – New Year’s Resolution

#205 – Dickileaks

#204 – Curtis Stone

#203 – Being Smart

#202 – Gerry Harvey

#201 – Palazzo Versace Australia

#200 – Shane Warne

#199 – Decrying Corrupt FIFA Executives

#198 – Losing Weight for Summer

#197 – Toolies

#196 – Farewell Tours

#195 - Impersonating someone who impersonated someone who impersonated Mark Read

#194 – Bandwagons

#193 – Bootcamp

#192 – Theoretical Cunnilingus (V-lick)

#191 – Angus Beef

#190 – Movember

#189 – Jersey Shore

#188 – Our Ava Sydney Hewitt

#187 – Fascinators

#186 – Sporting Memorabilia

#185 – History

#184 – Ducks

#183 – Catholicism

#182 – Lance Armstrong

#181 – Sarcasm

#180 – Footy Trips

#179 – Tradies

#178 – Certainty

#177 – Carbon Offsets

#176 – Zumba

#175 – Car Parks

#174 – Pyramids

#173 – Police Procedurals

#172 – Unsolicited Music Requests

#171 – Being a Pro Photographer

#170 – Michael Bublé

#169 – Mild Curries

#168 – Brazil

#167 – DFO

#166 – Morning Television

#165 – Sequels

#164 – Full-Body Rigidity

#163 – Executive Consultant Account Coordination Management

#162 – Footpaths Outside Nightclubs

#161 – The Brisbane Broncos

#160 – EmotionDrums™

#159 – Australia’s First Female Prime Minister

#158 – Party Buses

#157 – Paintball

#156 – All Things Fast and/or Furious

#155 – Krispy Kreme

#154 – Coloured Ribbons

#153 – The Casino

#152 – Nutri Grain

#151 – Clashing With Reporters

#150 – Ned Kelly

#149 – Homophobia

#148 – Wii Fit

#147 – Wine Tours

#146 – Our Sam Stosur

#145 – Hot Asian Chicks

#144 – Home Fitness Equipment

#143 – David Guetta

#142 – Buying a Snowboard

#141 – Suiting Up

#140 – Ill-Informed Analysis of the Qu’ran

#139 – Bear Grylls

#138 – The Third Dimension!

#137 – Their Taxpayer Dollars

#136 – Foreign Tattoos

#135 – The Logies

#134 – Pre-Mixed Drinks

#133 – Celebrities’ Opinions

#132 – Aussie Hip Hop

#131 – Short Courses

#130 – Celebrity Fragrances

#129 – Power Balance Bands

#128 – Scapegoats

#127 – Slater and Gordon

#126 – Hey, Hey It’s Saturday

#125 – IKEA

#124 – Anal

#123 – Indie Rock Choruses

#122 – Ernie Dingo

#121 – The Lynx Effect

#120 – Forgiving Celebrities

#119 – April Fool’s Day

#118 – Vampires

#117 – Pandora Bracelets

#116 – Doing their back in

#115 – Moët Hennessy Louis Vuitton

#114 – Delta Goodrem

#113 – Shaolin Warrior Monks

#112 – Mobs

#111 – Zoo Weekly

#110 – ADHD

#109 – ‘Rock the Ballet’

#108 – Two and a Half Men

#107 – St Patrick’s Day

#106 – Mixed Martial Arts

#105 – Plus-Size Models

#104 – Road Rage

#103 – Max Markson

#102 – Red Carpet Specials

#101 – A Current Affair

#100 – Brendan Fevola

#99 – Today/Tonight

#98 – Doing as Simon Says

#97 – Anti-intellectualism

#96 – Late Night Logistics

#95 – Freedom of Speech

#94 – P!nk

#93 – Spurious Allergies

#92 – News Limited

#91 – Reality TV

#90 – Baby (brand)

#89 – Their Children on Facebook

#88 – Premium SMS Services

#87 – La Porchetta’s

#86 – Melanin

#85 – Residential Property Investment

#84 – SMS Speak

#83 – Twenty/Twenty Cricket

#82 – Nike Shoxmax

#81 – Ministry of Sound

#80 – Fashion Statements

#79 – Big Things

#78 – André Rieu

#77 – Poker Nights

#76 – McMansions

#75 – Velvet Ropes

#74 – Border Security: Australia’s Front Line

#73 – Paper Planes

#72 – X

#71 – Overseas Day

#70 – Tennis

#69 – Megachurches

#68 – Functional Water

#67 – Southern Cross Tattoos

#66 – Glassing Cunts

#65 – Frangipani Stickers

#64 – Guitar Hero

#63 – Formal Living Areas

#62 – Sarah Jessica Parker

#61 – (Even More) Ed Hardy

#60 – Going to Work in the Mines

#59 – Joining Moronic Facebook Groups

#58 – Hugh Hefner

#57 – New Year’s Eve

#56 – Post-Christmas Sales

#55 – Chrisco

#54 – Thailand

#53 – Their Pre-baby Weight

#52 – Telethons

#51 – Tribal Tattoos

#50 – Discount Airlines

#49 – Faux Lesbianism

#48 – The Corbys

#47 – “Fuck Off, We’re Full” Stickers

#46 – Weddings: Photos

#45 – Weddings: Her Big Day

#44 – Weddings: The Buck’s/The Hen’s

#43 – Weddings: The Preparations

#42 – Weddings: The Courtship

#41 – Kings of Leon

#40 – Commercial Radio

#39 – “Political Correctness Gone Mad”

#38 – Finding God

#37 – The Secret

#36 – Self Help Books

#35 – Puppetry of the Penis

#34 – Sexpo

#33 – The Australian Victory at Gallipoli

#32 – Glamour Photography

#31 – Couture

#30 – Fad Diets

#29 – 3-Park Superpass!

#28 – “Holdens”

#27 – Rove

#26 – Malapropisms

#25 – Voting

#24 – Underbelly

#23 – Locally Produced, Foreign Label Beer

#22 – Cover Bands

#21 – Massive Cans

#20 – Painting

#19 – Killing Things

#18 – Petrol Consumption as Recreation

#17 – The Melbourne Cup

#16 – Uninformed Gambling

#15 – Personalised Numberplates

#14 – Sexualising Their Children

#13 – Misspelling Their Kids’ Names

#12 – Christian Audigier

#11 – Ruining Music Festivals

#10 – Last Year’s Designer Drug

#9 – Getting Huge

#8 – Contiki Tours

#7 – Books; After the Film Release

#6 – Prefacing Racist Statements With “I’m not racist but…’

#5 – Boost Juice

#4 – No Deposit, No Interest, No Repayments for 18 Months!

#3 – Tramp Stamps

#2 – Buddhist Iconography as Home Furnishings

#1 – Arbitrary Thievery

Bogan Extreme Sport

1,426 responses

9 08 2010
mikey

Hogs Breath cafe

28 09 2010
Corona

I’d like to add Bali and Corona beer

18 10 2010
from outer space

I second that. :)

18 10 2010
C

Bali for sure… particularly bogans who reside in Perth.

19 10 2010
jazza

Kuta is bogan but Bali isn’t

9 11 2010
liljimmy

I agree. I love Bali but i’m not a Bogan. Even if I do live in the Shire…

24 10 2010
Leroy

Queensland.

8 10 2010
Charlie

Australian Sex Party?

(I scored 5 by the way)

24 10 2010
Leroy

Lonestar.

10 08 2010
Casper

NEIGHBOURS!!!!!!!!!

2 11 2010
Lord Charos

I second that!
Neighbors is a show designed specifically to please the female Bogan.

10 08 2010
pb

i know facebook has been partially covered, but what about posting abusive messages to each other on facebook? this comment is from someone i know to her brother (they are 13 and 11 years old):
“If i ever see you anywhere near me or my friends agian, im going to pull a shiv to you’re throat. Deppressed fucking rat”
i think that’s the most explicit message i’ve seen from anyone i know, but have seen many veiled threats too.

24 08 2010
Bogan In Laws

I have just wasted too much time watching a massive drama unfold via Facebook walls. The cursing, threats, accusations of promiscuity and insults about appearance would offend the guests of Jerry Springer.

All because someone broke up with his girlfriend.

18 08 2010
Laura

ANGUS BEEF.

The ubiquity, aarrgghhh…

18 08 2010
Tim

Shop-a-dockets…..

21 08 2010
dirka

Tinnies with TDS – you tube it

23 08 2010
Deen

Australian Sex Party.

I was campaigning on election day for a local mmber and the amount of young bogan girls who said they were voting for the Australian Sex Party was quite staggering to me!

24 08 2010
Steve

What do you hate most about their policies?

8 09 2010
Hamish

Problem is bogans think the party is all about rampant bonking, not progressive views such as same sex marriages.

20 09 2010
TheSpritette

Australian Sex Party, their motto is: “Where you come first”.

22 09 2010
Steve

It should be “Do it for Australia”

24 08 2010
des

4/4 time. And syncopation be damned!

26 08 2010
Laura

Dunno if it’s already been suggested, but, bogans sure are suckers for the letter “i”. Lowercase.

19 10 2010
jazza

Well maybe if you’re so proper you should learn that ‘dunno’ is not a word!

30 08 2010
Cara

Footy training

31 08 2010
Maxwell Smart

Informal Voting-
The Bogan, now faced with the choice between two major parties with no discernible policy differences (both promising to stop the boats and keep the miners happy thus assuring jobs and V8 utes for the bogan), approaches the Polling Place. It is confused.
It knows that Canberra exists as has been to SummerNats several times to inhale petrol fumes and shout at boganettes to “show us ya tits”. But the bogan has an opinion and wants those ‘pricks’ in Canberra to know what it is.
Once it sees the ballot paper it knows that this is it it’s chance as the ballot paper is surely read by every politician – the bogan can make a statement.
The bogan will modify the ballot paper to suit by adding examples of it’s wit or following the lead of the joint pillars of Bogan intelligensia (Channel 9, Sixty Minutes and Mark Latham) and leave the ballot paper blank.
The bogan does not realise though that:
- drawing a penis on the ballot paper makes polling place staff laugh at your feeble brain.
- writing the name of your favourite politician (K.Rudd, Julie(sic) Gillard, Tony Abbot, Bob Hawke) on the Senate paper makes polling place staff laugh at your feeble brain,
- writing Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, god, Australa (sic), no I dear (sic), your favourite rapper/band on the ballot paper makes the polling place staff laugh at you.
-leaving the ballot paper blank is a waste of a vote and a waste of the only way to get a message to the politicians – and makes me laugh at you.

No laughing at the result of the election though – Australia got the result it deserved.

1 09 2010
2 09 2010
jackgray

Bali holidays!

6 09 2010
Wrong Way Go Back

Blogging.

6 09 2010
lighthouse

Keffiyehs, Che T shirts

6 09 2010
lighthouse
8 09 2010
868686

No way. Those are hipster. Not bogan.

7 09 2010
Tyler

Test Drives
Studded Belts
Hahn Super Dry
Bullfrogging ( squishing ones genitals against a window)
Corporate Box at the NRL
“Members” tickets at the races
Hugos on Sunday
Ending every sentence with “Brah”

18 10 2010
from outer space

Bullfrogging? people do that? wow…that is very sick. :(

8 09 2010
justmeg

A few suggestions for future posts..
- Deb Balls; the hair and make-up trials, the obligatory stretch hummer etc etc
- B’n’S Ball; a friend went to one that actually had a helicopter fly over, showering everyone with free condoms
- The decline of the English language; the replacement of ‘than’ with ‘then’, the existence of ‘youse’, the pronunciation of ‘says’, and the horrible phrase ‘I seen..’
- ‘Reality’ shows; Keeping up with the Kardashians, The Hills, Jersey Shore etc
- WWF or what ever it is now called

16 09 2010
clipper

Justmeg, I’m with you on the blight that is ‘youse’ – very much a bogan indicator. Another, admittedly pedantic, thing that annoys me is the misuse of their / there / they’re. In their haste to post, they’re posting the wrong one here, there and everywhere. Obviously the spellchecker doesn’t spot it, but don’t they read their missives before sending? They same goes for your and you’re.

18 10 2010
from outer space

Yes, i absolutely agree. I may just be pedantic myself but even as you read what you write, surely it must sound different when confusing their, they’re and there…as in your and youre. and YOUSE oh my god…that word should burn in hell. i wont ever date someone who says that. it’s just NOT right.

8 09 2010
Tyler

Porcelain Bongs with super hero’s or skulls on them.
Owning a pet snake or other dangerous animal.
Happy laps in the Commodore around the City and Bondi.
Cheerleaders
The footy Show
Creatine
Fitness First
Gold Class Greater Union

8 09 2010
Morgan

Moving to Queensland

13 09 2010
Leo Sayer

+1

24 10 2010
redcaboose

only north of bundy

8 09 2010
Maxwell Smart

In other (non-Fevola) bogan sporting news –
1. make a disparaging, homophobic comment on twitter without any thought of the consequences,
2. receive public support from readers of tabloid newspapers, who site ‘freedom of speech’ and call your detractors ‘wowsers’, refer # 95 Freedom of Speech
3. have your Jaguar taken away from you to another chorus of ‘overreaction’ and ‘Un-Australian’ act. – refer # 39 Political correctness gone mad
4. beg forgiveness at a teary press conference – refer #120 Forgiving celebrities.
5. await the TT/ ACA / Sunrise interview – refer #99 TT, #166 Morning television and #103 Max Markson

My bogan-meter is off the scale.

Stephanie Rice – bogan royalty.

9 09 2010
chris

You forgot #2a: Calls to “grow a sense of humour”; pure bogue.

9 09 2010
Wot, Carrrnt?

Cyber bullying.

Have just fallen victim to this at the hands of three of my bogan acquaintances on Boguebook. These bitches have come within inches of ruining my life with their high school slander antics at the median age of 29.

May cyber bogans bullies burn in hell.

28 10 2010
hayhayhay

The most frustrating thing is that they would never say that to your face, and that their about 29 and acting like bitchy 12 year olds.

9 09 2010
Tyler

Stephanie Rice’s Shoulders

9 09 2010
Steve

* Climate scepticism

10 09 2010
chris
13 09 2010
Leo Sayer

Surely (ghastly) roadside memorials warrant a spot in this list?

13 09 2010
Daj
15 09 2010
mitch

travisty

15 09 2010
Nick

AC/DC isn’t mentioned once in this list. I am heartily disappoint.

15 09 2010
15 09 2010
Nathan

Wow, and people think I can be pretentious?
Get over yourselves; bogans are just as bad as wankers.

16 09 2010
cooper

Whoever made this website is bigoted by their own left wing rhetoric.

16 09 2010
James Hunter

Cooper,
And what is your excuse ?

18 09 2010
Cooper

my bigoted right wing rhetoric

23 09 2010
chris

Kiddy MasterChef.

27 09 2010
mg

Things Easties Like?
1. Audis
2. Day Spas
3. BRW 100 Lists
4. HR
5. Designer Prescription Frames
6. Yacht Clubs
7. Outsourcing
8. Stock Options
10. Open Garden Schemes
11. Julie Bishop
12. The Sax

27 09 2010
mg

Oh, and I forgot:
13. Legislation
14. Masters degrees

27 09 2010
mg

I promise that this will be the last installment,
15. Stealing Office Stationary
16. Blower Vacs
17. Leafy Suburbs
18. Blood Oranges
19. Running for Parliament
and 20. Leasing

28 09 2010
Ash

Can TBL please dedicate a post to the bogan’s general love of the beach? I’d be happy to share stories of naked kids running around, fat boguettes wearing things they really shouldn’t as they screech at said naked kids, the male bogans polluting the beach in their Speedos…etc etc etc.

And people wonder why I refuse to go to the beach on weekends anymore.

30 09 2010
martin

+1. I hate the overconfident surfers.

6 10 2010
Ash

As a devoted surfer myself, I need to point out that while there are a minority of NABs amongst us (who tend to congregate at certain beaches) most surfers hate and despise the bogans who pollute the beaches on weekends as much as anyone, because:
a) their attempts at surfing are funny at first, but their complete lack of wave etiquette leads to some pretty nasty accidents
b) they get aggro every time you try and point this out/give them a taste of their own medicine
c) they force the lifeguards out every half hour cause little Shaylah is running into the water while mum is trying to get a tan and dad is abusing some minority who was born with the tan she’s trying to get.

29 09 2010
Steve

Mike Duffy

30 09 2010
martin

Becoming a nutritionist. Especially ones that appear on tele.

2 10 2010
Alex

blasting doof doof music, either from a car or home sound sytem

2 10 2010
Pseudo

I recently stumbled onto this website and have been thoroughly enlightened on the subject of Bogans!

I know reality TV has been covered, how about those talent shows…the old Idol, X-Factor etc…? Isn’t there one specially dedicated to ‘talented school children’ who can dance/sing/do stuff as a group? On a similar line – the love for Master Chef and Junior Master Chef (I thought kids weren’t allowed to be playing to fire…??)

What about those mohawk/mullet/hair-covering-half-of-the-face haircuts spotted on bogan males and the amount of hair products required to keep them in shape? Big sunglasses, tight jeans on males and females who are not quite in shape (*cringe*), oh and those white fabric shoes (I don’t know what they’re called but I’m sure you know which ones) that are usually coupled with those tight jeans?? Holy smokes, I remember wearing those white fabric shoes in PE lessons during primary school overseas, as they were seen as the ‘appropriate’ shoes for school children, practical yet non-flashy.

3 10 2010
Seamus

A big bogan pastime these days seems to be sticking their chest out on ANZAC day but not actually having much to do with soldiers. Today’s bogan rocks up at our national day of remembrance with a woodstock and marches himself- despite not actually having any claim to service- because he ‘loves his country.’

Now the march now takes hours, you play spot the veteran and the old diggers get heat stroke.

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/queensland/kids-anzac-day-ban-for-veterans-health-20100308-pqsx.html

It all stems from the male bogan being aroused by the ‘ANZAC spirit’ without actually being literate enough to actually know anything about the wars Australia has fought in (a classic being that John Simpson Kirkpatrick [of Simpson and his donkey fame] was a pom) or patient enough to actually talk to a veteran.

3 10 2010
Seamus

Singing the national anthem at low level club matches.

4 10 2010
Braylee Sparkle

Maccas. bogans love Maccas. Followed by KFC, subway and crispy creme. Leaving the real food for the rest of us. Thankyou to all the Braylees, Ashdens, Mortanas, Jewelz and others for this noble sacrifice.

5 10 2010
martin

Feminism.

12 10 2010
Wot, Kunt?

0i oi oiiii, wot’s this about then?! Since when is feminism boganic? I’m not a bogan, but I adhere to feminism, and the post-mod version of it at that!

You should rephrase that as, “The femmebogans-making-a-mockery-of -feminism school of feminism.” Now THAT, I agree, belongs here.

12 10 2010
pb

pole dancing as feminism.

12 10 2010
James Hunter

wot kinda pole ?

12 10 2010
Wot, Kunt?

I’ve suggested it before, but: Angus beef, Angus beef!!

Maccas, Jackas, 4′n’Twenty, et al ad infinitum, etc etc. It’s everywhere, but I’m not even certain what it in fact is.

12 10 2010
Wot, Kunt?

Television shows. With the exceptions of perhaps four shows in the last two decades, I’m convinced — implicitly — that the rest are either pretty bogue or downright bogue. 0nly have a telly at all for DVDs, as not all movies are bogue. Many, though.

14 10 2010
Wot, Kunt?

Imparting great witticisms and charming repartee. For example:

“Wot, Cunt?” (“Cunt” supplanting the name of a person, accent on the “wot”. Generally used to mean, “Pray tell, what is the reason you do look upon me this way”, or “Do you, kind sir, have something you wish to discuss with me?”)

“Gowwwwwww, the Sainters (or, insert alternative, appropriate bogan’s ballet team), gowwwwwww you good thing! Go-owwwwww you FUCKIN’ G00D THING!!”

“Hot P0IES, cold dogs!! Hot poies, cold dogs!! Hot poies, cold dogs (ad nauseum, ad infinitum, all bloody day long, all bloody M0NTH long, nay, YEAR long: the dulcet tones of my fair neighbours on both darn sides of my house) Get a dog up yer, ya doggy stylin homo, ….(insert Bulldog player’s name here).”

“That onnnnnnnnnne daiiiiiiiiiiyyyy in Se’tembah” (0r, in this year’s case, 0ctober, too. Alas, alas).

Talking about AFL in general.

Supplanting the words, “decidedly”, “absolutely”, “determinedly”, and “fully” with just, well…. “full”. This is rife amongst the northern suburbs “Wogans”. Eg. “Ey, ey, bro, bruh, full listen to this. I full met this full hot bitch at Epping Plaza/Epping Centrelink, and I full got her digits. Man, I full wanna bang her, like full. Full hammer her full like a full nail. Full gonna pick her up tonight in my full sick Chevrolet Commodore and full gonna get some in the back. She full won’t resist my Ed Hardy clad body since it full got massive”

Waxing lyrical about full hot bitches and full hot Holdens in general. (Northern suburbs Wogan)

Waxing lyrical about full hot bitches and full hot Fords. (Garden variety Bogan).

Talking about getting “messy”. I think, intoxicated?

Ugh…you get the drift. I’ll spare you more of the same for now.

14 10 2010
rawr.

Chewing chewing-gum like a mad cow.

15 10 2010
Ben

I cant see the King Of Bogan himself on the list! Where is Shane Warne? Is he not the King of Bogan or what? He drives a Black X5 with bogan mags…has a bogan wife and bogan kids and NOW he has just released his own bogan clothing label called ‘Spinners’ [I saw it on ACA last night with my own bogan eyes] He also loves to parade around in bogan smugglers when he is on a bogan holiday at a bogan resort in Fiji surrounded by bogans…….

15 10 2010
chris

New Zealand Sauv Blanc.

18 10 2010
Highly Amused

Confusing pole dancing with feminism. Why is this not on here yet?, it’s prevalent amongst bogan women.

20 10 2010
Wot, Kunt?

0kay. I’ve said it here before, and I will say it again.

I’m the furthest thing from a bogan. But I take pole dancing classes and L0VE THEM. I got mad love for the pole, baby, and I *AM* *QUITE* *THE* feminist. My mum and her pals fought way too hard in their day for me to be otherwise, at the very least.

I can’t believe that a bunch of otherwise cool hipster nonbogues would be so quick to pole-bash! I attend classes at the Richmond studio of Pole Divas, and not a 0NE of my fellow polers is bogue, hand to God. In fact, all the girls in my classes are especially classy types who happen to be privy to the fact that pole dancing CAN BE very liberating for us womens. Mm-hmm, ayuh. *Nods*

Being as smart and vast-minded as you lot generally are, whyfor you cannot ramify your minds a little and hip yourselves to the fact that pole art can be a beautiful dance form, not to mention ZEEEEEE most challenging workout imaginable?! It simply must start getting respect as a serious sport performed by elite athletes, one that demands an enormous deal of strength, grace, flexibility and a very high pain threshold. It is gymnastics for goshsakes!! You have ANY IDEA how hard it is? Even a basic spin takes surprising strength and time to master. Let alone the 0lympic-esque invert holds and spin!! You’ve no IDEA how challenging this sport is until you actually get on one of these things.

Isn’t it bogan to blindly scoff at something without a second thought?

Sure, it has had a seedy image hitherto, but I for one am a big enough feminist to harness the courage to do my best to help change that perception, to garner the respect pole dance deserves. To say: what the blue hell is wrong with women being overtly sexy anyways? Yeeeeesh. The radical form of feminism is simply outdated. The times they are a-changin’. Not that pole dancing even has to be remotely sexy in pole fitness (it can be balletic, it can be graceful, it can be gymnastic, it can be aerobic, it can be literally any kind of dance genre there is, and you can dance to ANY kinda music on de pole), but that point aside, why should women have to be all nonsexual anyways? That kinda patriarchal oppression ain’t feminism, people. I mean, really. Used to be. No longer. Women in particular, and so called hipster women in particular particular, need to not become female chauvinists, hating on other women.

So yeah. Pole dancing ain’t synonymous with sleaze. Hear that? B00YAH, BABY, TAKE THAT. *Crushes beer can on forehead with macho feminist resolve*

….And if TBL ends up writing a pole dancing article, then butter m’butt and call me bogan, I guess. :P It’ll be: CHEERS, BIG EARS from this pole diva. Which would suck, cos I love TBL. Lots.

21 10 2010
Wot, Kunt?

L0L. I just heard via Boguebook right now that a couple of bogans from my high school tried their hand at pole dancing recently, inspired as they were by yours truly. In keeping with the invariably shrimp-short attention span of the average bogan — they quit once they discovered that pole dance requires maxtreme discipline and perseverance. Something they evidently don’t possess in maxtreme abundance. *Dons the trusty lollerskates*

21 10 2010
Pandabater

You have answered your own question there Wot, what you wrote today explains why you are not a bogan. You pole dance for the challenge & the fitness, bogues pole dance so their bogan partners will give them shiny things.

21 10 2010
Highly Amused

So quick to defend…. You sure took that comment to the ‘maxtreme’.

“Isn’t it bogan to blindly scoff at something without a second thought? “.. isn’t that what the point of this whole website it? Scoffing at the ridiculous activities of the bouges? Who are more often than not, partaking in activities thinking they are trendy, liberating or classy all the while not realising how bogan they really are?

Maybe there is just a little bogan in all of us.

All the “pole divas” which I have come into contact with are ‘x-treme’ bogan girls. So for me, pole dancing will always be synonymous with boganism. Nothing you can say will change my mind about that. Nor will raunch culture ever be considered “feminism” in my mind. But again, each to their own.

Next time I just happen to be in Kingscross I’ll have to remember to pay tribute to the strippers who are doing a wonderfully feminist job! You go girls! No wonder their children want to “be just like mummy”.

Also, why is Grant Denyer not on here?

22 10 2010
Wot, Kunt?

Because every pole diva you’ve crossed paths with is a bogan, you’re dead set against the idea of ever considering the notion that not every woman in the world interested in pole sports might be a bogan. Lol. :D

What’s your version of feminism then, hmm? Let me guess. Women not using their sexuality as power over men, women not rejoicing in not being ashamed of their sexuality, and women basically D0ING EVERYTHING IN THEIR QUEST F0R “FEMINISM” THAT BASICALLY AND ULTIMATELY 0PRESSES THEM. Sure, in theory, the rads may sound more serious about feminism, but END 0F THE DAY TIME HERE, and the eternal point remains: old school feminists are going to ensure the double standard always remains for the sexes and this is too obscene and unfair to be borne.

What the hell was ever wrong with being a slut anyway? To preempt everyone, no I am not a “slut” myself; I am personally the opposite, being able to count my partners on a very few measly fingies, for various reasons. But hell, one day I may just become a slut! Yeah! Yes, I think we need to reclaim that word, and that the ironpants of the world are ironically and perversely making things worse than ever for women.

The trash media sickens me with its lascivious depictions of women, but that is another story. The trashmedia’s obsession with smut in general is what sickens me. I hate the boganics of sexualized this and sexualized that. It is fucking 0LD and it needs to stop like yesterday already! And bogans irk me to apoplectic sometimes, with their reptilian smut-minded psyches. In these cases, I concur: these chicks and dudes are doing a huge disservice to women.

But, ultimately, I stand by everything I have said. Women are no less sexual than men, and I am sick to death of them being told they shouldn’t be by patriarchal men and patriarchal women, since time immemorial. SICK 0F IT!

0KAY that is all. KTHNXBYE. (Just indulge me…that webism is still a novelty to me. I’m saying it all the time).

22 10 2010
Highly Amused

Feminism is not about ‘controlling men’ in any way… It’s about equality. The fact that you have just said that, and admitted you use your sexuality to control men, shows that you have missed the point of feminism completely.

I don’t really appreciate you ‘putting words in my mouth’ either. I am not sure how you got ‘woman can’t be sexy’ out of ‘confusing pole dancing as feminism is a bogan activity’. Women CAN be sexy without resorting to pole dancing or overt acts of sexuality. I never said they had to wrap themselves up in a burqa and hide their beauty. Just that pole dancing is a bogan activity.

Frankly, lots of bogan women pole dance and you just need to come to terms with the fact that your “sport” of choice is also the bogan womans “sport” of choice.

Come to think of it… Calling pole dancing a sport is kind of bogan ;)

Since this blog isn’t the place to argue social ideologies I am going to sign off from this discussion now. I stand by my point though, pole dancing is bogan regardless of the fact that some ‘non-bogans’ take part.

23 10 2010
Matt

Pole Dancing is Maxtreme Femminazi-Bogue at it’s finest. “Wot, Kunt?” – the first step is to admit you have a problem… I can be your Bogan Anonymous ( BA ) sponsor if you like ?

30 10 2010
Wot, Kunt?

Hi Matt. :)

Pole is awesome, end of story. :D

And Highly Amused, also, the last thing women need is for other women (I assume you are female) to be acting all Female Chauvinist Pig about something empowering like Pole. It can only be doing a huge disservice to us.

1 11 2010
Matt

For the purposes of this discussion I shall remain Androgenous. There is a difference between establishing equality for females ( feminism ) and “Pole” as you affectionately put it. Sexualising their children, Pole Dancing ( Slut School ) etc etc are all part of the boguette mentality that has nothing to do with feminism. I am not sure what is worse “Wot, Kunt?” – the fact you are a full blown boganista or the fact you do not even realise it. Help is available when you are ready to take those first crucial steps…

30 10 2010
Wot, Kunt?

Pole dancing is most definitely a sport. Not something you can prejudge as easy to do without having ever tried! Knocking stuff before trying smacks of…the B word to me, heehee. ;)

Feminism isn’t necessarily about equality, given the different power dynamics between the genders. To *truly* overthrow the ghastly patriarchal sexism that is still rife and rampant in this here 21st century, perhaps that demands we go even further than grasping mere equality by the horns, no?

8 11 2010
SeaShell

Wot Kunt, I bow down to your innate ability to play the bogan ‘to the max’ & get all these innocent folk in a dither…well done you!
Oh & highly amused, you’ve missed the humour completely…how suspiciously bogan of you ;).

18 10 2010
from outer space

I am very amused at everyone’s comments and responses. Coming from another country, i find that i still have a lot to learn about australia. This whole BOGAN story is sooo funny! :))

You know what’s really bogan? the tv ads. who, seriously, creates these? like the DODO add – a dodo on the dancefloor dancing with girls. and the girls give the dodo/bird a sexy look. what the fuck.
And basically every other ad with animals and ladies in bikinis. come on. when did those two species develop an attraction for each other.

And that Bing Lee ad – that jingle in the end “I looove Bing Leee-eee!”

Oh and Ready, Steady, Cook. that host is so creepy. and they cook shit in that show. Capsicum Team or Tomato Team, eh??

And finally, misspelling words. I went to a work seminar once and the lecturer wrote “Compeditive”, “Unproffetional” …yeah talk about unprofessional. Oh and the tenses, “She brang cake yesterday” instead of brought. i must admit it is the most irritating. Although yes i do agree the bogan speak that ‘Wot, Kunt?’ wrote here…classic bogan.

18 10 2010
from outer space

Oh OH OH this got me very very excited! FOUR WEDDINGS!!! hahahaha!! bogans in a skirt..hahaha! have you ever seen that show? have you ever seen their weddings? hahahaha…laughed so hard when i saw one episode, the intensity of their bitching about each other’s wedding and how hypocritical they were and how bad their own wedding was..oh my goodness, you have to watch it :) it’s a whole wedding circus filled with, well…bogans!

18 10 2010
Steve

Calling Australia “The Lucky Country”. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucky_Country

18 10 2010
Mick

Older bogans will tell you Donald Horne was a communist.

18 10 2010
Anna

Not sure if he has already been mentioned, but I’d like to add Lleyton Hewitt to the list.

18 10 2010
p'bee

he’s the royalty of the cashed up bogue.

18 10 2010
Richard

Lists

19 10 2010
Kirby

Bogans like hating ‘wogs’ while at the same time acting like ‘wogs’ (eg. the V8s, the popped collars, the semi-wog accent.. These are things the wog had to leave behind because the bogan had appropriated them.. How sad!).

20 10 2010
Wot, Kunt?

L0L

I’ve noticed the semi-wog accent, in particular. It’s becoming prevalent here in the northern suburbs of Melbourne. Especially amongst the high school set…you can hear it; the accent, it’s so affected.

But…it’s like….*WHY*, though?! What gives there? *Shakes head. Just shakes head*

20 10 2010
Ash - Corporate Lawyer cum Lingerie Model

Can also include the bogans’ love of the Wog Boys movies and the Pizza series (the only time the bogan ever willingly watched SBS). I admit that since I watched Pizza religiously as a kid (my mum never knew exactly what it entailed) little Indian-Islander me picked up a bit of a semi-wog accent myself.

19 10 2010
mark

Southern Cross Stickers on the back of their Hilux – or any other type of ute.

20 10 2010
Wot, Kunt?

0r, Southern Cross Stickers on their b’offsprings’ FACES….a la the bogan babies at Epping Boguehub Plaza today. Ah well. At least they weren’t permanently inked on….yet.

19 10 2010
Steve

Rove

19 10 2010
Urbanitarian

When are you going to do a piece acknowledging that “Things Bogans Like” is now a Thing Bogans Like?

If there’s one thing a Bogan Likes, it’s to pretend he’s superior to the average bogan. How better to do so than by reading this blog.

We’re aware of the irony, but we’re not about to out ourselves just yet! TBL

19 10 2010
Mick

You forgot the self-loathing bogan.

28 10 2010
Richard

More inevitability that irony. What is ironic is that to consider creating such a list based website and then actually doing it is more bogan than anything on the list. Your out.

19 10 2010
North Shore Madness

#183 When other bogans write these stupid non – bogan lists

19 10 2010
k8-T

Dr. Michael Carr-Gregg, his constant “adolecent-psychology-expert” opinion on TT and ACA, and his miraculous groundbreaking theories, like the “Princess Bitchface Syndrome”. He is the bogan’s Freud.

19 10 2010
jazza

living in Corio

19 10 2010
westy

#183 writing on the walls of stupid, unnecessary blogs.

Oh my, i believe, that this website might fit just that description.

LATERR BOGANS

Bye. TBL

20 10 2010
oldmate

Please do something on bogans and their dogs. I have seen a strong trend emerging. It used to be that a bogans dog just needed to be ‘as though as f$%k’. It now appears that a bogans dog must now be a Stafforshire Terrier and nothing else will qualify.

20 10 2010
chris

I was thinking more along the lines that the pure-bred Shitzu/Maltese/fluffball yapper is the dog of choice for CUBs.

20 10 2010
p'bee

the people a few doors away from me have one of these which they leave outside all the time. last friday, in very high winds, the tiny thing was yelping and scratching at the door to be let in. they just yelled at it and shut the door. first time i’ve felt sorry for that dog.

20 10 2010
Moto1

Does Franklin Mint qualify? Check these out:

http://www.commercialsihate.com/print/wowtd.html

20 10 2010
PB

Haitch. The inevitable sign of boganism, lack of anything vaguely resembling education and a patent inability to use a dictionary. Look it up – it’s the first entry in ‘H’, also found in ‘A’ – ‘aitch’.

21 10 2010
Steve

Mary MacKillop was probably responsible for that. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H

21 10 2010
j3st3r

It astounds me that TBL hasn’t latched onto what has to be the pinnacle of the bogan world. It is a name that transcends all layers of bogan culture to extent that it is an indelible icon. The brands and merchandise of Jim Beam, Jack Daniels and Bundy exist beneath it and perhaps even because of it. The Chevrolet Commonwhore can only dream of achieving the exaltation afforded its product and Ed Hardy ‘fashion’ is a mere speed bump to this juggernaut of style. With talk of another instalment of Underbelly, the bogan guide to living, the visibility of this bogan behemoth will be like that of never before. And as if all that was not enough it might be said that we have before us the source of many a bogan progeny’s aspirational name.
There is no other, it can only be
HARLEY DAVIDSON

21 10 2010
p'bee

j3st3r, did you get your name from a personalised numberplate? i love it.
i don’t know much about motorbikes, but i thought the bogan had moved on to west coast choppers or whatever they’re called.

4 11 2010
Mick

I too am waiting for the harley bagging. I have a special type of distaste for these two-wheeled tractors and the posers who steer them.

Bring it on TBL.

4 11 2010
Pandabater

Don’t get me started Mick, if your car was as loud as those noisy shi!boxes you would be locked up. Biker wannabe bogans give me the shi!s. But they are also extremely funny.

4 11 2010
Pandabater

Here you go Mick, just for you.

# 191 Being an Outlaw

The bogan is hard, fckn hard. Years of steroid abuse, watching Goodfellas/Underbelly & not reading any of the Chopper books he owns has convinced the bogan that he has reached a level in his career in petty thievery when a mere black Statesman & a full arm sleeve is not convincing enough. He needs a machine that will scream to the world “outa me way c^nts, outlaw comin through”
The vehicle is of course The Harley.

With dreams of drug production, biker molls & hangin around with big, hairy, smelly men drinking massive cans of Bourbon planning world domination the bogan strides into the dealership & dips into his “equity”. Again. While he is there the salesman points out that the boga….sorry, biker will require many thosands of dollars of vital Harley lifestyle product to go along with his manly steed.

After crashing in his own driveway trying to impress the missus, the boga…biker has to push aside the jetski & the uninstalled spabath to clear a space in the garage for the beast. Crying into his can later on the boga….dammit, biker formulates his plan for financial freedom through maxtreme lawlessness. The next morning the boga…biker awakes with his back done in & phones Slater & Gordon.

Enjoy

5 11 2010
Mick

Well done pandabater. I tried to write something amusing about The Harley but my dislike for these attention seeking wannabes and their second-rate form of transport (I can’t even call them a bike) runs to deep.

5 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Panda,

That is fully sick Bro. Are they only CUB’s. I think old school scorns Harleys but I may be wrong. I f*cking hate them of course.

5 11 2010
Mick

Mining bogans love ‘em.

Funnily enough, the image of the rough biker is not reflected in the sensitivity shown when their steel horse is criticised. A few times I’ve been advised to pull my head in.

All I do is say I’m not old enough to want to ride slowly in a straight line…

5 11 2010
Will S

My dad’s been a harley enthusiast since before most CUBs were born, and I can say there’s been no delusions of drug manufacture or world domination here.

Sorry I can’t agree with this one, most harley owners are decent people, look at the charity runs they do for instance.

5 11 2010
Mick

One more time.

Things bogans like, not liking this makes you bogan.

5 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

True that Mick.

5 11 2010
j3st3r

Will, you have clearly missed the point.
Bogans like Harleys as a result of an incorrect image that is attached to them and therefore expect that the mere ownership of this vehicle will garner them with that mystique. Your father, as an enthusiast, is most likely drawn to them for completely different reasons and is therefore exempt from the label of bogan. Simply liking something mentioned here does not always make one a bogan, it is more the reasons why it is liked that deem it so.

5 11 2010
Pandabater

Word.

9 11 2010
Tombarina

Driving along Bogan Alley (the Goldie to Bris) recently, I witnessed a CUB with a twist.

A HD-riding tool on his shiny new bike in his shiny new leathers, with the requisite Hot Albeit Possibly Underage Asian Skank (HAPUAS) on the back passed me, revvin his maXXXtreme little heart out.

So, we’ve got the new (still a bit scabby) tatts on the upper arms, the leathers, the Nazi-style open-face helmet, the HAPUAS – and a bike with a pumpin’ sound system. Which, when I caught up to them at the next red light, was playing…..Rick Astley.

After the final strains of “…never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down….” faded, we were subsequently treated to the hard-edged musical stylings of NKOTB’s “Hangin’ Tough”.

Every occupant of every nearby vehicle was pi$$ing themselves. Even the HAPUAS had the decency to look humiliated.

The scene summed up everything that’s pathetic, try-hard and unauthentic about bogankind.

9 11 2010
p'bee

absolutely priceless.

9 11 2010
j3st3r

As an enthusiast of things two wheeled and, in particular, powered I’m nauseated, bewildered, flabbergasted and ashamed that a motorcycle in general should be associated with the “music” that you describe. That in itself should be comment enough but my curiosity drives me on. Are you sure that the vehicle you witnessed was a Harley Davidson? I ask this not because I doubt you as it is not unheard of for a fully dressed/bagger Harley to be equipped with a sound system but more because in all likelihood you may have come across an even greater blight: the Honda Goldwing.
The Goldwing, otherwise known as “The Mothership” is a motorcycling monstrosity that features a 6 cylinder power plant designed to push this hulking behemoth along the highways and byways of the world as Baby Boomers evolve into SKINs (Spending Kids Inheritance Now) while keeping them cosseted in the car like environment of heated everything, sat-nav, airbag and multispeaker hi-fi sound. Unfortunately the Bogan has missed the point and spotted only “more cylinders than any other bike”, “biggest thing on two wheels” “thumping MP3/CD stacker sound system” and “reverse gear to make parking a breeze”. Surely it must be even better than the Harley that Jaysen down the road just got – it has more, well, EVERYTHING! Sadly the truth slowly dawns on the Bogan when it finds that in it’s haste to get big by doing 1000 bi-cep curls a day it has neglected to build it’s legs resulting in an unimpressive maiden voyage for the large barge. Feeling smug in it’s choice as it props at the traffic lights the Bogan decides to extend the moment and engage in a long, slow arc through the corner only for it to look like a bad Elvis impersonator as it’s legs shake wildly from holding up 373kgs of Japanese engineering after failing to properly negotiate the left hand turn. Feeling angered and insulted by Honda’s misleading sales pitch it banishes the Goldwing to the garage only to reappear for polishing and posing duties and to serve as a reason why not to buy slope built Asian crap.

9 11 2010
Tombarina

J3s, so sorry to have to tell you this, but it was DEFINITELY a Harley. I even snapped it on my mobile. I wasn’t the only one with the phone out, either – every second witness was filming or snapping this ludicrosity.

And I know of the vile Goldwing of which you speak. Looks like a bewheeled jetski. Heinous.

9 11 2010
j3st3r

Oh dear! That footage shall be forever more deemed priceless. The only thing that can compare is for someone to present us with evidence of a Ferrari pumping out the Wiggles. Toot toot, crunch grind farming stoopid manual gearbox.

21 10 2010
j3st3r

Name comes from the dark ages of interweb chat rooms and before I’d even heard of l33t speak – it’s a bit like that ugly vase from Aunt Mavis in that I’ve had it that long I just can’t bare to part with it.
The custom chopper à la West Coast and Orange County Choppers is the maxtreme version of the Harley Davidson where talented machinists/metal workers take the basic concept of the Harley (simple V twin engine and belt drive transmission) and elevate it to dizzying new heights. It’s about being different… like everyone else.

21 10 2010
John

Oh, I know another thing that bogans like.

Social elitism.

23 10 2010
dlucas

bogangar,so many bogans say they live in Cabarita but really live in BOGANgar
google map it…

24 10 2010
martin

The nanny state.

Although I think we have a nanny state because of bogans, I don’t think it actually creates them, hmm, but then again baby bonus?

25 10 2010
Jak

AFL. More so than NRL .

28 10 2010
p'bee

depends what state you’re in.

25 10 2010
Chris

You need to add jet skis, wake boarding and frivolous off road dirt biking

26 10 2010
Felipe

Ice in red wine.

26 10 2010
G

Shane Jacobsen

28 10 2010
Highly Amused

‘Extreme Laying Down’… I kid you not.

28 10 2010
j3st3r

Ensuring that you have safe search switched off do a Google image search on Extreme Lying Down, the results are interesting to say the least.

2 11 2010
virginia

alcohol, gambling, drugs, cigarettes, tattoos, piercings, defacto relationships, celeb magazines, buying anything they can’t afford (credit cards) wrong priorties, feminisim, new age practice, loud music, rap music, treating animals poorly, mobile phones, dvds, television, vandalism, atheiism, speaking and laughing loudly, loose behaviour, cheap PNO cruises, buffets, lack of proper upbringing, obesity, hippies, not going to the dentists, violent movies, just to name a few.

3 11 2010
Steve

You can’t just type random things you don’t like, especially when one of them is atheism.

2 11 2010
The Voice of Sanity

How about the dreadful boganfest “Movember” – Oh great, looking like a complete knob for charity – especially when most bogan participants really wanted one of those Village People moustaches from the beginning anyway – just like Merv and DK …. How about not looking like a total creep for charity?

3 11 2010
Steve

Packed to the Rafters.

3 11 2010
p'bee

and going on and on and on about a character being killed off as if they were a real person they knew personally.

5 11 2010
Jocelyn Santosa

I have some suggestions for future topics: cars, far north queensland, protein shakes, reality tv, Kyle and Jackie O, unions, Aldi. Bogans love all those things.

6 11 2010
Whistling Nixie

Maybe also Souff East Queensland. And urban myths.

5 11 2010
Jocelyn Santosa

Oh bogans also like wearing gym clothes like velour and juicy couture to the shops, when it’s apparent they haven’t just come from the gym nor do they have any intention of stepping into one.

6 11 2010
jizzinyourface

This list is retarded, this is a list of pretty much everything everyone likes in Australia

6 11 2010
Mick

Yep, the bogans are taking over.

6 11 2010
p'bee

i could tell simply the username what your comment would be. bogans are nothing if not easily identifiable.

6 11 2010
James Hunter

Mick, not saying it IS so but,,,, what you have said COULD be because you are a bogan ???? To so closley embrace all things bogan? Is to be a bogan !

6 11 2010
Mick

Not so much embrace as sad resignation. Surprisingly, I tick very few of the boxes but most I know would tick at least 50% of them. It’s the bogue who Oz is based around. Young Jizzy is right.

6 11 2010
Knacckkerz

Claw machines – what better way to demonstrate your bogan skill by risking your hard earned to score a mini sized picnic or fluffy duck. The thrill of the chase justifies spending 4 times the shelf price.

8 11 2010
Ciompi Revolutionary

What about the rubbish watches that can be bought at Myer, and an idolisation of the Rolex?
Don’t Bogans have a totally skewed position when it comes to horology and what a nice timepiece is?

8 11 2010
shazzeena

What female bogues like most is making up names to hide the fact that they are stay-at-home mums , check out this facebook example:
she is a ” passionate home cook, jam and chutney maker, serial mumpreneur, writer, change manager, organiser, latte officionado”

8 11 2010
p'bee

officionado!

8 11 2010
shazzeena

“serial mumpreneur” is bogan speak for selling Avon/ Enjo/lingerie / candles or anything else bogus to other mums on a “party plan” where you abuse the friendship of people you barely know by inviting them to your “party” and pressure selling them crap.

9 11 2010
chris

ohhh YEEEAAHHH. The god-awful hambeast over the road from us does some crap like that on a weekly basis, i think its scrapbooking; the whole street resembles a Chevrodore car-lot. I have taken to calling them “the brides of satan.”

8 11 2010
Chris P

blokes wearing footy or rugby shorts at the beach

8 11 2010
Wendy

Bali & Hair Braids

8 11 2010
Kev O

Australia

8 11 2010
Stephanie

You mustn’t forget that BOGAN’s love belly button piercings/facial piercings

8 11 2010
Mathew

How about fake designer labels?? lol

8 11 2010
8 11 2010
Carina

I was a bridesmaid in a bogan wedding once- I got driven to the ceremony in a VB Commodore, the BBQ reception was in the Epping backyard, the wedding song was the ‘Chicken Dance’, the bride changed into her fluffy slippers, tshirt and shorts and finally there was a all in brawl in the front yard after too much VB had been consumed. It was as bad as it sounds.

But I can’t talk- I’m unpacking boxes from a move and I’ve noticed that a few of my glasses originated from Uni bar nights.. see #1…

8 11 2010
Pat

Milk, flavoured or plain typically consumed whilst walking in a hurry.

9 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Things Bogans Like # 6969 – Walking Light Signal Buttons

A combination of bogan curiosity, chance and serendipitty bics led to young Jase and Sharmayne to parking the Rav 4 outside of the safe confines of an underground Westfield carpark. Sharmayne boldly stepped out first, opened up the back doors and pointed out to Jase that not only would their massive pram not remove itself and put Oiii Ninjaa in it, but she didn’t want to f#ck about on this dirty shopping strip because she had her 11am appt at Just Naillz and those lazy bitch Phillipinos cracked the shits last time she was late.

Jase patiently pointed out that if she really wanted to see a psychic to get Oii Ninjaaas reading down, then she “should of found one closer to Just Farkin Naillz and not halfway to the MCG”. The good citizens of Melton began to stare, wondering if Sharmayne was in a fact a celebrity, and if she was, who was the guy in the flouro vest talking to her like that?

Pushing their way through the busy throng of Melton saturday morning shoppers, Jase, Sharmayne and Oii Ninjaa finally reached the corner. Pushing past the old man who had hit the walk signal button, Jase smiled, and pressed the walk signal button. They waited for what seemed an eternity.

Sharmayne knew it was time to take control of the situation. She hit the button again. Seconds dragged by. She hit it again. And again. And again. And again. A deep powerful urge and the knowledge, that she, and only she had the power, kept her palming slapping against that button in a frenzy. Ignoring the pain, the chewing gum and rude old bint glaring at her, Sharmayne knew the secret to getting across the road asap. She hit the silver disk of her destiny once more. Jase found it all a little erotic.

Exactly 12.5 seconds after having arrived at the corner, the little green man, (with the massive chest and guns) lit up. Jase smiled, Sharmayne had a glimmer in her eye. They had done it. Not that old kunt biddy beside them who was giving her evils the whole time. The pushed past all of the losers and made their way across the street, having no doubt that Oiii Ninjaaas future could only be bright.

9 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I love tales that come from personal experience V’v.
*round of applause*

9 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Actually, I made it all up. A fertile imagination. And i get annoyed really easily at people dumb enough to belt the shit out of light signal buttons and then wonder why they don’t work. I scream a lot on the inside and sometimes i cry myself to sleep….

9 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

V’v,

I would have sworn you experienced this.

I have a band organised for the launch of foods for the arse – Fudge Tunnel, appropriate huh.

JH all the best to Mrs H.

I try to laugh at these people, it helps. I sleep on my stomach so very hard with the thumb.

9 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Fudge Tunnel sounds good. Book them now – I’m certain Fi will come up with the deposit, if we ask nicely.

Luckily, i haven’t actually been to Melton – its out in the boondocks, I make a point of bypassing anything classified by public transport as Zone 2 and going directly to Sydney :)

9 11 2010
James Hunter

actually it is difficult though dont you think to get comfortable in bed with your thumb in your mouth ?

9 11 2010
sly

Wearing runners or thongs to and from work. Why don’t people just buy comfortable work shoes!

9 11 2010
Mark

Bintang singlets and Daisy Dukes…

9 11 2010
Matt

Shepparton.

It is to Bogans what Canberra is to anti-anti-intellectuals…

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