#224 – Zara

27 04 2011

The bogan is widely travelled. Having been as far as both Bali and Phuket, it also has fond memories of its Contiki tour across seventeen European countries over two weeks back in ’06. While the South East Asian trips are full of blurry memories of buckets of vodka, Red Bull and ladyboys, the bogan can remember precisely what it managed to extract from its Euro-jaunt: class. Merely by attending such a storied, classy land full of cigarette-smoking, baguette-eating, beret-toting, cheese eating surrender monkeys, the bogan arrived home flush with the belief that it had been imbued with the very thing it robbed from much of Europe.

Of course, upon returning, the bogan immediately began complaining about how ‘uncultured’ its homeland was, pining for the sophistication it reveled in while vomiting behind a bush as the Eiffel Tower glittered in the Parisian twilight. Usually, the bogan can spend money on things that confer upon it the requisite cachet. When it came to European cool, however, it was stumped. Scanning the Australian retail landscape, it saw a wasteland of local companies – Witchery, Sportsgirl, Cue, Myer, David Jones, Country Road, Suzanne and Dotti – who wouldn’t know their escargot from their escargot pants.

Ordinarily, the bogan will vocally advocate the purchasing of Australian products (Thai manufacturing notwithstanding), as a means of stroking its throbbing nationalism gland and providing Australians with jobs. But, having returned from somewhere so classy, so goddamned cultured, the bogan simply cannot be satisfied with local clothing providers any longer. It needs style. Cosmopolitan style. Like the magazine. For years, this yearning has gone unfulfilled.

Until now. The entrance of Spanish fashion behemoth Zara into the Australian market comes at a time when bogans are Doing It Tough.  Yet even flagging bogan fashion spending doesn’t prevent our economy outstripping all other developed countries’. For years, foreign fashion lines have avoided antipodean shores, ostensibly because it was a small market, when in fact it was an acknowledgement that convincing bogans to buy furreners’ wares was foolish. Now, with Australia the only economically viable country in the free world, Zara has taken a gamble which, in retrospect, was no gamble at all. Offered the prospect of cladding itself in the Eurostylz, the bogan has quite nearly dropped a lung in excitement, queuing up not behind a velvet rope, but a cattle race, in order to access the low-quality, high-turnover goods that Zara provide.

Because when examined more closely, Zara are perhaps the greatest bogan fashion label ever. More bogan than Tiffany & Co., more bogan than Pandora Bracelets. Even more bogan than, yes, Audigier. Zara’s business model is to offer the bogan maxtige at record pace. It can turn fashion from the catwalk or the drawing board to the shop floor in a blindingly fast two weeks. The bogan can now access the same clothes it bought at other stores faster and cheaper. This neatly fits in with the bogan’s two-week fashion gestation period between spotting a celebrity endorsed style and securing a new credit card in order to purchase it. Zara understand the term zeitgeist (luckily the bogan doesn’t speak Spanish) better than most people in the business of extracting bogan bucks, ensuring that nothing stays fashionable for more than a couple of weeks.  Luckily, the bogan was too distracted to care.


Actions

Information

190 responses

27 04 2011
Matt

What does it matter if the bogan doesn’t speak Spanish, when zeitgeist is German? :)

Why, oh why, do people automatically assume stupidity over comedy when they read a comedy blog? Seriously. TBL

27 04 2011
Shirley M.

It’s because people like to show off how clever they are TBL.

27 04 2011
James Hunter

Shirl,
Cleaver ?
Now that is funny

27 04 2011
Wozz

Oh My f*ckin God. Is there way to filter out Bogans from posting here?

27 04 2011
p'bee

but the odd bogan and comedy bypass comments are fun to read.

14 05 2011
stella

but then you wouldn’t be allowed…

27 04 2011
Benny Hill

I think you’ve all been had, touche Matt.

16 06 2011
ToddHvS

Wasn’t that the idea? I thought that was a pretty funny gag…

3 09 2012
z

probably because poor comedy is stupidity

11 09 2012
James Hunter

Good “stupidiy” can be outrageously funny??

27 04 2011
spewy

Never heard of it luckily. I thought the post was about the English royal family at first glance.

27 04 2011
JD

Great pic!! I think ‘fashion’ is the new bogan outlet.
Take Polo by Ralph Lauren for example. Can that ‘horse’ get any bigger?? I saw one that took up almost half the left side of the shirt! And they had numbers on the sleeves and back of the shirt!!
It makes me think of the problems graphic designers face when dealing with clients. Every client wants a BIGGER logo :/

To wit: #80. TBL.

27 04 2011
JD

indeed

27 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Fashion isn’t my area of expertise, so I’ll leave this one at that – but bogans in Europe are a whole different story.

See the Glassing Carnts thread for my story of a Napoli club, and I also happened across a Contiki Tour in Paris. I had stopped in an Australian-themed pub to try and get an update on the cricket. You come up with your own conclusions and they’ll be about accurate.

27 04 2011
urbanreverie

No country in this world is safe from the vile depredations of Boganicus australiensis, Ash. My field report from Singapore is available on this thread from last year:

http://thingsboganslike.com/2010/07/09/bogan-bribe-watch-july-9th/

28 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Since I farken hate Singapore myself, I say we dump all the bogans there.

29 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

nice.

Wanted:
Fit young Malay Men for several new positions which have opened in our rapidly expanding Corporal Punishment division. Previous whipping experience will be regarded favourably. Package negotiable commensurate with skills. Apply: Singapore Police

27 04 2011
NotaZaraQueuer

Hehe. Nicely written. I didn’t realise that you’d written a Tiffany & Co post (by the way the Tiffany boutique in Sydney CBD is full of schoolgirls of a mid afternoon), so thanks for that link. I also find Louis Vuitton and Gucci (especially the monogrammed bags) very bogan. I mean for starters, fakes vs. real. Then, the fact that every other person in some countries is hoiking one around as a status symbol. Yeah way to go, personal advertising board!

Indeed. The first draft of the piece included discussion of wealthier bogans already embracing the heavily branded Euro-luxury of those labels, but we try to keep to word limits. Right on, though. TBL

29 04 2011
XXX

The absolute bogan accessory at the moment has to be the Guess handbag. they retail anywhere from $150 upwards and every femme bogue seems to want one.

2 05 2011
MeAgain

Guess handbags are the ugliest bags on Earth, even uglier than LV.

5 05 2011
Silentone

This is so incredibly true. They’re not worth the money by far. They’re are so tacky and scream euro-tash with their cheap shine.

I’m surprised there are no articles about Guess on thingsboganslike!

27 04 2011
Mick

Shouldn’t there be a ‘X’ somewhere in the name to attract the bogue?

Or is ‘Z’ the new black?

27 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Z is nearly as bogue as X, Mick.

28 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

coming soon:
XzaraxXx de Chatswood
(a Bloodfart enterprise)

28 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I can’t really comment on fashion as I am currently wearing a West Coast Eagles polo my Aunty gave me for my birthday, very cool.

Beautifully written article boys. Currently in Brisbane for a few days so my IQ is feeling a bit impaired. Zara knew they were on a winner hence the cow race pre installed. Appropriate really.

28 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

Hey Simon!
I bought a pushie!
It’s a Shogun Metro
It sounds better if you say it in French.
Yup, 18 speeds my Friend.
18!
Shimano. (they’re the best.)
full mudguards, a rat trap bag rack (which I can just wet & dry the rust off), centrepull brakes.
the lot.
Forty Five Bucks!
Hello?! It’s a SHOGUN???
I’ll be seein’ You up Norton Summit, Old Mate.
I just have to teach my dog to jump up on the bag rack.
Oh, and I found a Lawnmower in a rubbish bin at a playground at Mitchell Park. Started first go!
Roses! everything!

28 04 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

Happy riding, Chub. I paid $60 for my Shogun, and I had to fit it with bits scrounged from the Goolwa rubbish dump. I think I was ripped off.

28 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Chubs, well done. I also have a new bike. I’m not telling how much for fear of being called a filthy capitalist pig. Handmade Italian carbon fibre with Campagnolo gear, which all bike snobs know is the shiz.

It goes fast Chubs, real fast especially uphill. I will be looking out for you and Nuts on the hill.

I am one happy Lycra clad. Oh, have you got some knicks, ya have to have knicks, don’t think Zara sell them though.

28 04 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
BUT did it come from the scavengers pile at the Wingfield tip ?

28 04 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

Hey, don’t be sneering at my bike, James. It was my sole mode of transport at a time when some errmm.. domestic discord left me without two bob to rub together. That ole shogun looked like a wreck but the drive train, brakes etc were utterly schmick. The net result was that I could leave it anywhere and know that it would be there when I got back. Besides I wouldn’t be caught dead at the Wingfield Tip.

28 04 2011
James Hunter

Chris ,
You misconstrued my comment, mind you I often am,misconstrued that is.
I have had many good finds at tips .The Strathalbyn one served me very well for a number of years. when we mooved in to town though we lived at notrh plympton and unfortunately the waste transfer station at netley didnt allow outsiders to scavenge.
I built a 8×5 trailer hundreds of mtrs of fencing and other odds and sods from the frames of old beds that i scabed at a waste transfer station at rosewater back in the late 80’s.
tips used to be a great source of 1/4, 1/3 and 1/2 HP electric motors from washing machines, powered many a project that way.

28 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

wanna buy a mower James?

28 04 2011
James Hunter

Chubby,
Bugger, no I have a very good Scott/Brigsand Stratton from a hard rubbish day ! Needed a new set of blades and the air filter was like super clogged.!! Thing ran like the choke was on, stuttering and black smoke.

28 04 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

Nah, all good. However, in hindsight, the “caught dead at Wingfield Tip” remark was prolly in bad taste.

28 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

Italian carbon fibre? pity.
well, maybe you can get a better frame down the track.
solid Chinese steel, Mate. and that means Pilbara.
and theoretically anyone can go fast uphill, it’s just a matter of Pedaling harder. It’s once you’re over the crest that the greater mass of the pig iron comes into it’s own. How can you develop momentum on carbon fibre?
Italian carbon fibre?
Mass Simon. you need Mass.
Mass x Acceleration = Force.
It’s all about force.
trust me. I know hills mate.

you remembered my dog’s name. that’s so sweet.
Make mine au Lait carbon fibre boy.

28 04 2011
James Hunter

Chubby, one half MV squared is kinetic energy and that is what you have at the bottom of the hill!!

wonder if one compresses carbon fibre hard enough , fast enough if you end up with diamond ?
like bike hits suv at bottom of hill ?

29 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

you’d get some sort of diamond fibre…
might make good rope.
once you pick all the lycra and bits of helmet out of it.

29 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Chubs, re the weight issue, point of order. You are descending a lovely. Mountain road, do you choose the heavy pig iron of a Harley or the finesse of a Ducati for the speediest decent?

Thought so.

29 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

damn your succinct allegory Randomness!

where the hell do you put the Beagle?

29 04 2011
James Hunter

Chubby,
Does Simon have a Beagle too ?
Mine would not know what to do with a Ducati if it caught one ! The girl dog would just walk round sniffing and the boy dog would do the same then try to eat it , I guess.
The old guiding principal for dogs come to mind : If they can’t eat it or fuck it then piss on it !

29 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

The Beagle would rather go rummaging at the tip with JH, eat all sorts of nasty sh*t, get a belly ache and then fart toxic waste for 2 days. Or escape from our yard and take himself for a walk up Mt Lofty.

27 04 2011
Fi

Yep I posted this on TBL FB before Zara’s opening; predicting the Bogan invasion and realising I may never enjoy any of my Zara garments again But what amazed me was, there were no ‘velvet ropes’..yet they still queued.

14 05 2011
stella

poor you.

27 04 2011
boganowski

Not Zara related – but I can’t believe you’ve missed the Nespresso machine(s) thus far – surely another bogan icon? Instant sophistication from the makers of instant coffee, without the need to do the hard yards and learn how to make a proper espresso…?

27 04 2011
jaydyn

bogans don’t like john malkovich

27 04 2011
martin

I don’t mind him but I think he’s overated.

28 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

my outlaws have a dusty nespresso machine and a kitchen drawer full of wee brightly coloured disposable metallic pods in slick matte black cardboard tubes. if memory serves; the pods were only available by mail.
not in the least bogan, Senior is a complete sucker for a dinky ho-dad.
The kicker is that the nespresso sits proudly (dustily) on the bench alongside a couple of G worth of Rancilio kit.

28 04 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

Don’t be too hard on ‘em Chub. My journey to being a complete coffee wanker started with a Sunbeam EM, kind of the Hyundai coupe of espresso machines.

28 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

yup. I’m riding a Sunbeam. I can’t see a model number on it but I’ve had it about five years and paid waay to much for it. gives a good shot if one takes the time to get the grind right, but the true science of the thing is getting steam out of it (let it heat on the steam setting, then crack it open and switch it back to the head for a second and then shut it down and let it heat again and you should have steam. if it flags, you can switch it back to the head for a sec for a sort of reboost. then dump all the steam so you can take the shot off the head) simple.
I’d love to pretend I love the idiosyncratic charm of the thing, but the truth is I’m brassic.
for the first one in the morning I just microwave the milk.
Senior has the loader on his grinder and everything. even a flash thing to bang the puck out on. then he says “Nah I just have the one coffee a day.”
wealth is wasted on the rich.

29 04 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

Senior sounds like some of my inbreds, oops inlaws. Retrofitted the MacMansion kitchen from stem to stern with Miele, including the woefully overpriced espresso machine. Silly moo can barely boil an egg, so they exist on takeaway most of the time.

27 04 2011
Cam

Brings back memories of the Krispy Kreme opening in Melbs.

27 04 2011
Vviv2

Cam, I had the severe misfortune to be in Melbourne on business that day….I pray I will never witness a bigger, more vicious stampede of fem-bogues. Gouging, scratching, screaming…. For something that will do nothing but clog their arteries & expand their muffin-tops.

28 04 2011
Lilybet

And have you noticed that Krispy Kreme stores across the country are closing? Makes me think there is hope for the country yet.

27 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

Ha!
I vomited behind a bush on the Champs Elysee once…
Nice gear everywhere in those days. Well it was the nineties and heroin was soooo haute back then, and we’re in Paris! Hello?!
I don’t follow fashion that closely any more. Having been blessed with exquisite style, I really don’t need to.
Where was I
Oh yes. I had been wondering what zara was.
There y’ go.
No surprise really. Retail Phenomenon, Television Event, Facebook Friend.
I effing loooaathe shopping.
Unless it’s for motor vehicles. Massed humanity gives me the jimmy legs.

27 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

chubby, when you’re as good looking as we are there’s no need for fashion.

27 04 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

I effin’ loath shopping as well, Chub.
Seems that the cure for jimmy legs is a good hard w@nk. http://www.news.com.au/technology/sci-tech/sick-of-jerking-in-bed-try-masturbating/story-fn5fsgyc-1226031963818

27 04 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

spelling crime **loathe**

28 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

nice work Chris.
It’s that kind of sound, practical advice which is sorely lacking in today’s Opinion Economy.

28 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

…and here’s an opinion from that very item.

peter of Sydney Posted at 1:20 PM April 04, 2011
No wonder that most people with a brain are starting consider money spent on science a wsate when this is bets they scientists can “come up” with.

ah, the “news” demographic
“science never done nuffin for me” it bellows at the Plasma as it glances at it’s seventieth birthday cards on it’s way to the microwave across the stain release carpets on it’s titanium knee joint, resolving to call the CSIRO from it’s mobile when it gets back to the ArthroLift electric recliner and washes it’s meds down.

28 04 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

What can I say… yet again, noose.com hath shown us the way.

28 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

…and by the way Chris, my legs are much better. Thanks!

27 04 2011
p'bee

had a bit of a look at the zara website to see what they sell. their stuff is pretty much just a big lot of meh.

27 04 2011
James Hunter

Is Zara like Ed Harvey for fembots ?

27 04 2011
p'bee

there’s actually a surprising lack of sparkles, bedazzling and colour from what i looked at before getting bored.

27 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Nah, JH. Zara is for the clarsy bogues.

27 04 2011
Pandabater

This is a double win for the Bogan.
It can boast that it has been calling
for Zara in Australia “for years” &
use the phrase “straight from the
fashion runways of Europe”

27 04 2011
Jason

Nice work on the Simpsons reference: “cheese eating surrender monkeys”

27 04 2011
bellastarkey

I got a rad coat from Zara in the US for 40 bucks. There is no way I’d pay full price for it though.

27 04 2011
The Quote Train

bogan

27 04 2011
Abudhabilist

“escargot from their escargot pants”

I see what you did there.

Gold.

Heh heh.
:-)

27 04 2011
shakPower

i have seen bogans with designer bags asking foreigners randomly on the street for $2 so they can get a drink. kinda leaves you scratching ur head!!

bit off topic, something i wanted to share with my fellow TBL lovers. saw a bogan’s gigantic protein mix bottle the other day in the gym, it was called ‘Maxxtreem’ i really did laud out loud as he looked at me in total confusion…..

28 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

wow!
I genuinely thought the term Maxtreme was coined somewhere in this very blog…
has TBL gone memetic?
or am I still just a drug addled Naif?

28 04 2011
Mick

I’m guessing TBL is being used by every marketing school in the country. It’s the only explanation.

27 04 2011
gramnazi

Whilst not wishing to be overly pedantic, I must point out a consistent grammatical error throughout this article (and some others I’ve read on TBL).

The error is referring to “Zara” (a company) as a non-singular entity: e.g. “Zara have taken a gamble”. The correct statement would be “Zara has taken a gamble”. Zara, as a company, is a singular entity, not a collection of individuals. So there. ;)

Touché, Gramnazi, touché. This is a stumbling block that one of our number, in another life as a music writer, always erred on when referring to bands, i.e. “Grizzly Bear have released a record that is tailor-made to set the hipster gland all a-tingle”. The band being a group of people makes the singular/plural decision a fraught one. Thanks for the correction! TBL

27 04 2011
James Hunter

GN,
However the company,Zara, is of itself not sentient. Surely the ones taking the gamble are the directors of the singularity ?

27 04 2011
gramnazi

JH,
If one wanted to be as specific as stating that the directors are taking the gamble one should say “The directors of Zara have taken a gamble”. To refer to Zara itself as taking a gamble is simply to use the indefinite form. That is, individuals are not being specifically referred to. In any case, it’s common and proper grammar to treat companies, sports teams, governments etc as singular nouns.

27 04 2011
James Hunter

GN,
Good enough points however that only make it more interesting to watch how quickly a Government or an Opposition when accused of some malfeasance quickly dissemble their singularity and point out to all that opinions and actions are those of the individual. ?

27 04 2011
urbanreverie

Actually, Gramnazi, either plural or singular grammatical numbers are fine when referring to trading corporations – because the word “corporation” is a collective noun (i.e., a class of nouns which is composed of many non-collective nouns acting in concert – for instance, a FLOCK of birds; a GOVERNMENT of cabinet ministers; a CORPORATION of shareholders – the capitalised words are collective nouns).

It depends whether you follow UK usage, US usage or (as is often the case in Australian English) either is applicable.

In UK usage, collective nouns are usually treated as plurals. For instance:

“The government HAVE announced that the budget deficit this year will be fifty billion pounds …”
“Manchester United ARE on top of this year’s English Premier League standings …”
“BP plc ANNOUNCE a five percent fall in annual revenues …”

US usage, on the other hand, usually treats collective nouns as singular.

“The government HAS announced that the budget deficit this year will be fifty billion dollars …”
“Green Bay IS on top of this year’s National Football League standings …”
“Chrysler Inc. ANNOUNCES a five percent fall in annual revenues …”

So, is/are TBL correct to say “Zara are perhaps the greatest bogan fashion label ever”? Take your pick! Both usages abound in Australia.

27 04 2011
Nelson Esq

Would you call Zara a ‘boguetique’?

27 04 2011
gramnazi

Bless ‘em, I see TBL has (not have) corrected the singular/plural dilemma I highlighted, but not in full. :P

Sorry to be a pain in the arse, but “high-turnover goods that Zara provide”, should be “high-turnover goods that Zara provides” (with the “s” on the end). The plural “provide”, whereas a singular “provides”. There may be others – I’m home now (I was at work before) on my second glass of red and can’t be bothered reading it all again. ;) I’d much rather be getting paid to point out these things!

I’ll disappear back into my hole now.

27 04 2011
gramnazi

Anyway, I’m only pointing out such matters should- and I’m sure it’s the last thing you want – a grammatically-well-to-do bogan read this and be a self-righteous git about the whole thing.

On second thoughts, I’ve imagined an impossibility.

28 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

http://www.penguin.com.au/products/9780141037721/usage-and-abusage-popular-penguins

my bible when I want to be a ponce.

at all other times it should be noted that if I appear to have made a mistake, one should assume it is deliberate and since I know teh rules it’s totally ok if I break them in either a facaetious or just like, totally punk way.
like sonic youth.
or something.

28 04 2011
James Hunter

Chubby,
I realy do wonder at the degree of anal retention that he must have to be so obsessed with what ultimately is trivia ? Immagine living with something like that ? Or working with it. I wonder if the same attitudes are present in conversation with it ? What an item to be one having drinks with the gang after work ? barfffff

28 04 2011
gramnazi

So we should just throw the rules of grammar out the window, because, like, it’s ony the internet and stuff?

Opinions are like arseholes: we all have one.

28 04 2011
James Hunter

Ah ha , we all have one but only a select few like you are one !

28 04 2011
James Hunter

Further, I recall that Oscar Wilde said that any obsession with what is right or wrong shows an arrested intellectual development.

28 04 2011
gramnazi

You read a handful of internet posts by me and you come to this conclusion? Okay.

28 04 2011
James Hunter

GN
More a matter of underlining that there are better and more entertraining ways of using the english language then pedanticism

28 04 2011
gramnazi

I’ll accept that. Now, shh, and stop trying to hurt my feelings. :P

28 04 2011
James Hunter

The secret of winning is to never attempt anything that your not certain you can win

28 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

I’m graetful.
srsly.
I always get its and it’s mixed up
(not it’s though), I can never spell naieve (see?) and I’m still not sure I get whom/who without looking it up or making up a “him” sort of interrogative thing and seeing if it works. and then it usually sounds wrong anyway. and when Word tells me there’s a subject/object disagreement or “that’s a fragment” I have no idea what it’s talking about. but I do care that someone knows, and one day I’ll probably get around to finding out myself.
If capslock is shouting, then shitty spelling and grammar is a louisiana accent.
y’know?
so thanks. :D

29 04 2011
gramnazi

I’m thinking you’re on my side, but I’m not so sure. ;)

It’s like you’re saying “I like nuclear power plants and, although I don’t know how they work, I’m glad someone does” :D

Can I just say, as a final word, in particular to JH ( who seems to think that I’m intellectually retarded), that I was only being anal because I love the pursuit of knowledge myself – a trait that i really believe this blog and all readers really believe in – and that part of that pursuit is to present to the “internet” as being “correct”, and not something the bogans can point to and say “ahh, ya caaaarnts, ya cant even spell and punctuate and stuff ya duuuumb carrrnts lolzor omfgzor, and ya rekon im a dumb carnt and stuff, but”

Those in glass houses and all that…

29 04 2011
James Hunter

GM,
Most people like many things ,the workings of which they know nothing; house wifes and car engines, blonds and bank accounts,passengers and jet planes.
Now, you misconstrue me if you believe that I was saying that you are intellectually retarded.. Maybe though you exhibit a certain lack of maturity such that you still take yourself far too seriously.
You need some kind of left of screen outlet for your emotional energies. Maybe not just like mine (see my website) although it would be a start. !!

29 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

on your side.

29 04 2011
Give a toss

flexibility of language or opinion is not a bogan trait

27 04 2011
Ohtheboguehorror

Hey I know this is off topic, but I think TBL needs to address the Kiddie Beauty Pageant circus that is coming to Melbourne off the back of that Toddlers and Tiaras show – that will surely draw in bogan parents like moths to a rhinestone flame….!
https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=155435297836036 I shudder at the thought – especially when you see this: http://thegloss.com/beauty/video-toddlers-and-tiaras-contestant-resists-eyebrow-waxing/
At least there is the unpageant side of the force who are trying to get them to put down their fake tan… – https://www.facebook.com/AustraliansAgainstChildBeautyPageants#!/AustraliansAgainstChildBeautyPageants – and a golden Tom Hanks comedic take on it – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPLWKBWkn3s

27 04 2011
martin

Some things are just too horrific for TBL.

28 04 2011
Ohtheboguehorror

I think it is all the more reason for TBL to do a post on the subject – some seriously fucked up parents out there making their kiddies parade around like demented bratz dolls.
Check out this kid – she is like a female 4 year old chuckie doll

29 04 2011
XXX

This really is a form of abuse. I have seen these parents say that the kids love it, but that’s just crap. That little girl bordered on hysterical most of the time. She wasn’t sure who was in charge and was running rings around her mother. Some of the American pageants offer large prize money or even cars for the winners. The kids are nothing more than meal tickets in many cases. My son was playing with toy cars and was happy to go to the local park at that age. These girls should be playing in sandpits and getting dirty and being NORMAL!

29 04 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

Seriously, there should be mandatory reporting for that disturbed sh!t. And kind of on-topic/off topic: The whole sad Kiesha Abrahams tragedy… just how big a bogan train-wreck is that turning out to be?

29 04 2011
Edward

The child has surprisingly advanced verbal skills for a four year old. Of course she will no doubt grow up unable to spell “MacKenzie” (or “McKenzie” correctly. A quick check of the telephone book supports the validity of both of these spellings. I suspect some pseudo-maturity is at play. This isn’t a good thing.

4 05 2011
Lord Boofhead

That Kid has a dummy at age 4? And thinks of it as a being with thoughts and such? I suspect its slightly retarded (maybe a form of Autism). Maybe I’m special, but I realized the stupid thing was not dispensing food within weeks and chucked it…

Also the mother thinks the kid will learn discipline from pageants? WTF? Yes I find treating kids like entitled brats is the best way to get them to behave…

28 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Jesus. H. Buddha.

Way to get paedos excited. That’s all I will say on the subject.

29 04 2011
XXX

The child in the profile picture….words fail me really! What is the parent thinking?

27 04 2011
Stephen

Best. Article. Ever.

27 04 2011
Rach

One predicts Zara will be awash with whatever’s heavily patterned, brightly coloured and embellished to shit – no use buying fancy Euro wares if everyone doesn’t know about it. Subtle pieces are best left to Supre and Cotton On.

28 04 2011
p'bee

subtle? supre? surely you jest.

28 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Ah Supre, currently promoting “The year of the jegging”.

Noice, clarsy.

29 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

ƒµcking “jegging”
jesus.
maybe they were inspired by the word Gunt?

28 04 2011
zydecat

“escargot pants” – awesome! ;-)

29 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

“zydecat” is neat too.
Et Toi!

28 04 2011
angrybogan

as a bogan i safely say:
1 you know fuck all about bogans
2 your idea of baby names sounds like some inner city wanker shit no bloke worth his salt would allow his kids to be named
3 you dont realise that no bogan gives two shits about what wanking store opens up its all about price when it comes to clothing

get a fucking job you uni-fuck……….btw cowards glass cunts bogan’s (men and women) just punch your fucking teeth down your fruity drink sippin throat

go pop some pill’s you green voting fuckstinks

28 04 2011
lordOfDouchebags

oh oh angry bogan in da house! takes the usual low IQ bogan approach when having a discussion, lots of ‘furking swearing’ . quick everyone lower IQ level by 80 % and interact cautiously , we dont want to scare it away, gotto study the beast to understand more about its mystical and mental ways…

14 05 2011
stella

how can you lower an IQ of 0?

15 05 2011
James Hunter

I do not know. How did you do it ?

15 05 2011
stella

you killed it.

15 05 2011
James Hunter

Well, you know what they say,”don’t take a knife to a gun fight ” !!

15 05 2011
stella

an empty gun is an empty threat. a hunter should know that.

15 05 2011
James Hunter

only sentient animals appreciate the difference

15 05 2011
stella

regardless, it makes for a useless hunter.

15 05 2011
Vviv2

No no Stella, James is far from useless!
He cooks a wicked sausage,AND has won many friends with his ‘hunting prowess’…..:-P

15 05 2011
James Hunter

Viv,
Our family motto is” Cursum perficio”
but I like:
“Home is the Hunter ,home from the hill and the Sailor home from the Sea “( Robert Louis Stevenson )
Re sausage cooking I was beginning to think every single person in Australia Knew of my talents and then someone has to come and spoil the illusion (delusion ? )
Maybe between us we could convince Stella to come up to Newcastle, braving the natives and we will give her a walkon bit part in our next show ? I haver always found the best way to silence hecklers ( asside from a Hekler and Koch 9 )is to invite them up on stage. !

15 05 2011
Vviv2

You never know your luck James, Stella might have talents thus far unplumbed…
Then again, perhaps not….

At least in your ‘race to accomplish’, (if my Latin serves me),you look as though you’ve taken the time to enjoy life too.

As for my never having known of your talents, what can I say? I HAVE to get out more! :-P

15 05 2011
James Hunter

“stay the course” is our translation but “see it to the end” and “my journey ends here” are all ok translations apparently as there is no exact latin english here ,or mostly.

Yep always try to enjoy life ’cause we never know when the end will come and we sure wont be enjoying when we are gone.

I also often quote Oscar Wilde’s “rember the only person that you have to spend the rest of your life with is yourself” !!

You have checked our web site ?

16 05 2011
Vviv2

The one under your name James? I’ve seen that, & find it fascinating….you won’t be bored easily!
It’s true, if you are happy with yourself, then no one’s opinion can touch you :-P

16 05 2011
James Hunter

Vviv2,
hole in one

15 05 2011
Vviv2

You seem to have managed beautifully! Well done, don’t let anyone tell you you can’t succeed…. :-P

15 05 2011
stella

You’re too naive…:D

28 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

oh wow!
we haven’t had one of these for ages!
must be a joke.
it appears to be able to type…
but it might be Apoplexy Recognition software…
the Internet Tough Guy routine seems genuine. but it could be a reverse troll…
You’d have to wonder how such a seriously non poofta Beaut Aussie Bloke could end up reading a post about a fashion chain….
and if it’s a genuine Old School Bogan, how the hell it can even use a computer without resorting to a hammer…
It’s just so perfectly f#ckwitted, it must be a troll.
but nice try.

28 04 2011
Mick

After 18 months, 224 posts and one book, the outraged are still popping in for a spray.

Shows there’s still a target out there.

28 04 2011
gramnazi

Such an eloquent, self-supporting essay, right there!

28 04 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

Obvious troll is #$@ing obvious.

28 04 2011
Davo

Your spot on Angrybogan. Maybe you should write a blog about what pill poping, jobless, uni-fuck, green voting, fruity drink sippin, inner city wankers like. You could even write a book on it.

14 05 2011
stella

I’d buy that book.

28 04 2011
James Hunter

Angry Bogan,
I say old chap, Your the one who realy needs to be back on their medication,fast-ish too if you can. So you go find nurse and this time take the pills. It is not in your long term interests to hide them under your toung so you can flush them after she leaves the room.

Be thankful , won’t you that all us “other types” are out here in the avariciouc ,vicious world paying taxes to keep you in your padded room, and we have so thoughtfully provided you with a notebook and internet access.
Pip,pip old chap, mumsie will come visit soon.

28 04 2011
James

I’ve got to agree with AngryBogan actually… The first 20 entries or so may have been spot on, and this is less and less abut Bogans and more about “Things Hipsters Hate” than anything, conveniently throwing in the term New Age Bogan to try and justify the argument. The fact is, Bogans still drink VB and New by the truckload, drive Falcadores and don’t really care about Fashion. And those that do are far more likely to be wearing a “Unit” t shirt, possibly paired with a DC hat. Never Ed Hardy though, this is worn by the Bogan’s sworn enemy, which is why it is typically refered to as Leb Hardy. Anyone who honestly thinks that the Old School Bogan has been replaced by something new has never actually been to a real bogan suburb, the central coast or any V8 Supercar race. The Cashed Up Bogan simply buys premium VB/New (Crown Larger) and upmarket Falcadore (HSV).

28 04 2011
gramnazi

Oh, come on, the whole site is a parody about “those who follow the pack”, and about how generally tedious and boring they are.

I come across about 20 of them at work every day. God, they shit me.

On that note, TBL, please do a piece on “Management Speak”, and how truly moronic and arse-covering it is. :)

We’ve done something similar…TBL

14 05 2011
stella

“those who follow the pack”. Is that intentionally ironic?

28 04 2011
gramnazi

Oh, come on, this is more a site about “those who follow the pack”, and how tedious and boring they are.

Hell, I come across them every day at work, and all the bullshit they sprout.

On a related note, TBL, I’d love to see your take on “Management Speak”, and how moronic and arse-covering it is. Rivers of gold there, surely!

29 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

point taken but not swayed.
ultimately the bogan is just a peasant.
whether he’s a Leb or an Anglo or a brickie or a solicitor,
the great mass of humanity are, and have always been, ignorant, petty, xenophobic, selfish swill. peasants. leading lives of “quiet desperation” frantically stuffing themselves with shit to fill the void in their vacuum tube souls, desperately conforming and circling the wagons against anything or anyone which doesn’t and all the while demanding more more MOAR and waiting impatiently to be told what to think and buy and fear next. the single most defining characteristic of the bogan and that which makes it stand out from it’s antecedents is it’s steadfast denial of all of the above. Peasants have generally known they were peasants for most of history, bogans deny they are shit simply because they earn more than their forebears and sadly this greater capacity for buying more mass market disposable shit makes them sadly more intrusive into the everyday lives of the thoughtful, the considerate, and the contemplative.
so ya might as well have a laugh at the idiots.
maybe “bogan” is just a bad word for you.
it’s surprising how many people seem to have some affection for the word and bristle at the new expanded definition. like somehow being a “bogan” is some sort of national pride identifier.
If this is you, perhaps you might consider re-adopting one of the more classic epithets such as “ocker”

1 05 2011
Whistling Nixie

“… Frantically stuffing themselves with shit to fill the void in their vacuum tube souls…”

Legions of guitarists and audiophiles would take umbrage to the idea of bogans’ “souls” sharing any characteristics with vacuum tubes.

28 04 2011
gramnazi

omg, double post ownage….

29 04 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

“pwnage”. Lift your game, GM.

28 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I have discovered the beating heart of modern boganity

Westfield Churnside – Brisbane

And contrary to opinion held by some boganism is held aside by none of age, gender, race,

Why does no one take the stairs?

29 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

close.
try indooroopilly or mt gravatt.
the south side of brisbane will always suck worse.
(prob’ly ‘cos it’s closer to Melbourne)

29 04 2011
Mick

Caboolture. No contest.

Quite a bit of confusion there lately. Craig Lowndes now drives a Holden again so a lot of the bogues have to buy new dress shirts, as the old ones have Ford written all over them.

Poor sods don’t know which way to turn. Do they turn on Lowndsie or on Ford? There can be no winner here. Someone is going to have to retract something they’ve said and that’ll be when the glassin’ starts.

Does Zara sell V8 supercars supporters gear? If they don’t, they should. Make a killing in Queensland. Adelaide too.

29 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Sweet Jaysus. If those places are more bogan than Churnside I’m not going there. F* CK that, I’m going to Maleny for lunch instead.

29 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

drop in on Mapleton for some scones and a view over the bogan capital of the known multiiverse…
Kawana Waters.

is ahs an shopping centres too!

30 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

is it just me or do Lowndesie’s eyelashes freak you out a little too?

30 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

lowndesie’s
lllloooowndesie’s

29 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

usually the stairs are fixed to the ground in some way Si. Masonry, bolts that sort of thing. I imagine the balustrades are a sort of “security feature” too. Esp the sort of wrap over type. I imagine they would hold the stairs down quite securely and make them very difficult to take. Perhaps you are confusing stairs with ladders Simon. I see many hardware type stores will actually chain their ladders up so people dont take them. Wheelbarrows too.

28 04 2011
James Hunter

chubby,
gold : calling it chur(n)side !!

29 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

james that was simon.
but I liked it too.
I don’t care what everyone else says, I think simon’s OK.

29 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I was hoping for a brace of 10′ s JH. I’ll keep trying though.

You too Chubs, the ladder bit was a valiant effort and close any way you look at it.

29 04 2011
James Hunter

Simon, in truth it is you and Chubby ( mostly ) that are raison d’etre for visiting the site.

Must admit that I’m thinking the site is not what it used to be. Antosha, Pinky, Tombarina Common man, seems the quality of comment has changed as well as the content of the comment. What say you ?

29 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Things come and go. S’ok with me, must look forward not back JH.

29 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

hear hear!
and
*belch*

29 04 2011
SR

Me and my mate have gone all Shakespeare’ish and coined a new term Brogan i.e. Brown bogans, well both of us are from India!
My fellow countrymen come here and think Point Cook, big cars, Channel 9 and shouting oi oi oi (revolting), are the things to do.. sad sad.

29 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

hmm.
are you related to SD?

5 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord of Glassin' Carnts

If having a big car makes me a brogan, then I may as well add five extra letters to my name and get my Southern Cross tattoo back after getting it lasered.

29 04 2011
NotaZaraQueuer

Off topic – can you do a post on the nonsense surrounding one of the INNUMERABLE ‘royal weddings’ that will happen this century (not ahem “the royal wedding of the century”, news networks) and its associated tackiness? Is it about monarchists? Royalists? Celebrity? People with nothing better to do than to watch two very ordinary people that they don’t know get married? Why is there so much coverage in Australia? Get a grip.

Seriously, put down your commemorative Kate & Will mug filled with Moet, rip off the t-shirt (maybe wear a Zara one instead, at least it’ll look less tupid), tear yourself away from your 52in tv and read a book. A book with words I mean, not some magazine with a ‘royal wedding special’. Plus note to those who are using the word ‘fairytale’ – they usually end with someone being eaten or something. That might actually make it interesting, come to think of it….

29 04 2011
Give a toss

the bogue elephant in the double-wide (home theatre) room

#225?

29 04 2011
Alex

Ugh you are horrible and I want to vomit on all of your faces.

Generally, if one is to accuse others of being horrible, one wouldn’t follow up with an emetological crack at those same others…TBL

29 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

What’s your point dickhead?

Keep it civil. TBL

29 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

aw, cmon bloody fun police.

29 04 2011
Pandabater

TBL, you are forgetting that in The Bogans world 2 (or more) wrongs make a right.

30 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

whimsy

30 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

what’s a emetological?

30 04 2011
chubbybloodfart

s’okay. I looked it up.
cool word.

30 04 2011
James Hunter

perfect descriptor for the right royal bilge that has been wall to wall all day and night.
How Charles and the queen can hold their heads up in public after the way they treated Diana beats me

14 05 2011
stella

TBL, yes, but we all know that the commenters here aren’t “those who follow the pack”.

30 04 2011
Fluglehorn

Omg how did I only just find this website. I’ve been in love with observing the bogan and its bizarre social machinations ever since i saw this:

1 05 2011
IF

For it’s prices, Zara is pretty decent quality. I have been avoiding the store until the public novelity wears off.
I don’t think the store is bogan, albeit, the claim that the clothes are specifically styled for Australian taste (check the Zara website).
I would just say the sensible will appear in that store when everyone else losses interest.

14 05 2011
stella

^ this

1 05 2011
Elly

I’m ashamed to go to Zara, when I’m in the U.S Zara was a good place to shop when I’m over there, but ever since Zara came to Australia and seeing the bogans going into a frenzy – I can’t shop any more at Zara!

14 05 2011
stella

Wow, what a hipster. If you like the clothes then shop there. Shopping at Zara doesn’t make you a bogan, you insecure idiot.

14 05 2011
stella

14 05 2011
stella

* /sarcasm

2 05 2011
??

Better add H&M to the bogan retailing mix as well. They should be making an appearence to our shores later this year.

8 06 2011
mimi

honestly then you may as well call every high street chain store bogan.
where on earth are girls/young women supposed to shop if they arent wealthy?
at least zara and H&M are a step (a big step) above supre.

zara in europe is the same quality as cue or country road.

8 06 2011
p'bee

it’s more about the crazy obsession its opening engendered. lining up for hours just to buy stuff from a chain store is ridiculous.

2 05 2011
James Hunter

Hey all you TBLers, off topic I know but watch Australia’s Got Talent on wednesday night 04.05.11 as channel 7 rang today to say we would be on.!!!
We are doing the “Sausage Sizzle” you wont mistake it !

7 05 2011
Daniel

I was in Sydney’s CBD last week and saw a velvet rope with bouncers in front of a retail store….I looked up and its a store called Zara and thinking to myself what the hell…now I know lol.

In regards to Europe being more cultured than Australia, well that is definitely true, though the average bogan who comes home and says that is somebody who spent 2 weeks in a contiki bus doing a Euro pubcrawl, hanging out with other bogans in expat bars, and they maybe bought an overpriced Nutella crepe at the front of the Eiffel Tower.

8 06 2011
mimi

in actual fact the most overpriced crepes are to be found on the ile de cite.

europe is more cultured. but at least i can say that as someone who lived there for a year, not vomitting my way through europe ;)

bogan, no. snob, yes.

14 05 2011
stella

lol. I’m still going to shop at Zara, though, because their offerings are actually quite good.

13 06 2011
Fashion Police

The first thing I noticed when I came to Australia was the poor style aussie girls have. It’s unbelievable. I think Zara is the best thing that could happen to this country. Yes, it’s cheap, but it’s more stylish than Supre, Valleygirl, Dotti, Bardot and aaaaall the rest of those BOGAN stores!

13 06 2011
Fashion Police

But yes, I agree it is really bogan to queue for hours to enter to the store. I can’t stand that “boganism”!

17 06 2012
Chris

Perhaps your website should be called “things bogans don’t like”, I’m sure it would save you a lot of time.
Either that or maybe redefine the term “bogan” to mean something other than “99% of the population of Australia, America and the United Kingdom”.

Unless this is an ironic blog then by all means disregard this post.

12 04 2014
franz chong

Off the topic a little The one thing I can’t stand is people who buy all this Designer Label Stuff and are Brand Obsessed.To Use an Example Who in their Right Mind even if they were mega rich would buy a $550 Dress from Carla Zampatti when one can go to Sportsgirl or Portmans for under $150 and dress it up with some nice shoes,accessories and even a bag if they already have all that at home and pocket the savings.I am from Adelaide and at Burnside Village with the exception of Portmans and Esprit the place has turned into this snobby fashion mall.It’s enough to turn any South Australian who lives around there to their Nearest Westfield.

13 04 2014
James Hunter

Franz, I bet you look sweet in something from sports girl ! No not the serving wench !

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 474 other followers

%d bloggers like this: