Here at TBL we try to focus on those things that the bogan likes now, preferring to leave the science of forecasting what bogans will like in the future to our clairvoyant llama Roger or Triple J. Occasionally, however, we or one of our hipster minions identifies something so hideously, pint glassingly maXXtreme that we can confidently predict bogans around the country will soon be fawning over it like TBL authors over the textured sleeve of the first pressing of Unknown Pleasures.
Jersey Shore is one such thing. Now in its third season in the US, Jersey Shore follows the lives of eight uber-vascular Italian American “guidos” and “guidettes,” sharing a pimped out summerhouse in the town of Seaside Heights on the coast of New Jersey. In between working shifts at a local t shirt shop, the contestants tone their abs, work on their tans, get outrageously drunk, attempt to have sex with as many people as possible, and claw, scratch and pummel each other, all the while acting like obnoxious douche bags. Popular cast members include former stripper Mike “The Situation” – so called because his abs are “so ripped up it’s called The Situation,” tanning salon advocate Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi who was recently fined $500 by a New Jersey court for acting like an arse at a local beach and Jenni “JWoww” Farley who gave herself fake boobs for her 21st birthday.
The program has obvious appeal to the bogan, with its love of getting huge, fake tan and hair product, its predilection for being as loud, garish and obtrusive as possible and its misguided belief that it is a regular Casanova. More than this though, Jersey Shore plays on the bogan’s insatiable desire to become a celebrity. Like Big Brother and countless reality shows since, the success of Jersey Shore in the US has catapulted its tight bodied contestants into faux-celebrities, with endorsements, talk show appearances, their own fragrances and action figures, lucrative playboy offers and extensive coverage of their misadventures on aeroplanes and in nightclubs. Besides offering justification for their own blustering, boorish behaviour, this provides hope to bogans who strongly believe they have a God given right to celebrity status but, like the contestants on Jersey Shore, are unremarkable human beings without the required talent or ambition to achieve this. In fact, the bogan now knows it can exhibit behaviour that should warrant a kick in the cock and get on television.
With Channel Seven’s new bogan-baiting digital channel Sevenmate about to follow MTV in screening Jersey Shore, TBL confidently predicts it won’t be long before you hear a “New Joizy” accent at that bar you used to like, or someone referring to their abdominal region as “the situation” at your local health club.
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It’s a reality show? I’ve seen talk of this on Twitter and didn’t realise that this was ‘the situation’.
The Situation is a guy. he has a new book out
Ah, yeah. I get it. It was a joke.
LOL. Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is the guy kneeling down in the front row of the picture (next to Jenni “JWoww” Farley).
your claims to high class suffer greatly from being able to identify and name them in the picture. the only thing i know is the short orange one is snooki.
LOL. I know and love them all. Except for Angelina. She’s a dirty little hampster.
I am thinking of foregoing my usual southern hemisphere winter in NY and braving a trip down to Seaside Heights.
i’d try to avoid them, but The (Onion) AV Club, Jezabel, Gawker, etc all post about them
LOL. Remember when “The Onion” was funny? No, me either.
a. the Onion is still funny. b. the AV Club is it’s non-satirical pop culture news subsite. really great articles
I used to love The Onion. It is still funny, just not as irreverent as it was and should be.
LOL. I know and love them all. Except for Angelina. She’s a dirty little hamster.
I am thinking of foregoing my usual southern hemisphere winter in NY and braving a trip down to Seaside Heights.
But they’re all orange… does that mean they’re all named Snooki? I’ve never heard of this show and but from this article I’m obviously not missing out!
they are all orange, but snooki is the most orange. she’s the one who’s so short that although she’s standing up she’s barely higher than the two crouching.
p’bee…the Fiona you’re responding to is an imposter 😛
LOL. I assure you, this is the real Fiona of Toorak. You can tell by the avatar.
Things Wogans (are about to) Like?
wow, you’re cutting edge. picking up a show that’s been roundly mocked for years in the States. hey, have you heard about this ‘Sopranos’ thing? it’s another show about guys from Jersey… better writing, but i predict it’ll still do well here
in the future
True it is already fairly well known but given that it’s about to be broadcast on free-to-air I think TBL is pointing out it’s going to be huge here. Unfortunately.
anyway, i was born in Jersey, and shows like this are why the rest of my family mocks them me for it. but i can’t hear them ’cause i’m too busy listening to Springsteen and bands that sound like him
also, this was bit AGES AGO. feel like i’m in a time warp
Most bogans aren’t as well travelled as you, Brimstone. That, and only a few of the geekbogues (and there are only a few of these) have discovered BitTorrent. Hence, in the context of the typical bogan/wogan in the street, Jersey Shore is as fresh and cutting-edge as Muse.
i read somewhere that MTV failed by not bringing this to Aus when the hype was hitting
LOL. Very true. Of course, the biggest loser was the Ed Hardy chain here, which had no doubt stocked up in preparation of maxxtreme sales only to find the brand’s name was in ruins because of the Jersey Shore backlash.
LOL. Season 1 has been and gone and season 2 is half way done on MTV (that’s on Foxtel btw). I suspect it’s therefore already reached the zenith of bogan appeal.
Also, season 3 starts in January.
IT’S T-SHIRT TIME…!!!!
How can you be so trite when a genuine bogue-crisis is unfolding. Krispy Kreme may close down in Australia.
that’s not a bogan-crisis. that’s a crisis for everybody who enjoys good donuts and isn’t a self-hating health freak
Good donuts: an oxymoron if ever I heard one…
go eat a stick of celery
celery is tasty.
Beat me to it. However I found a double oxymoron in the one you mentioned and ‘Krispy Kreme and good’.
I have been wondering
Krispy Kreme is closing down
Ed Hardy is closing down
Starbucks has never done well here
Does that mean the country is less bogan than previously thought?! Will this be confirmed if Zara closes down in the future (my bogan FB friends can’t wait for this store to open here, whatever it is).
Thanks to my daily reading of Gawker I can tell you:
1. The Situation has written a “book” called Here’s the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore
2. The Situation Has a clothing line with a T shirt that has a window to display the abs
3. The show has a character called Trash Bags.
Class.
LOL. JWoww also has a clothing line out: Filthy Couture.
Sadly, the show doesn’t have a character called “Trash Bags”. It has a character unaffectionately referred to as “The Staten Island Dump” who brought all her belongings to Seaside Heights IN trash bags, however. So I can see the reason for the mistake.
I bow to your superior knowledge Fiona. I was going by the Gawker headlines.
the Gawker summary of his book is amazing
Brimstone, agreed, it was the first Jersey Shore post I actually read!
Great story but you’ve missed one thing. The correct spelling for Channel 73 is 7maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate
how good is 7mate? kicked off with Robocop and actually shows sci-fi and decent movies
Don’t forget it has Knight Rider, which is hilarious (yesterday’s episode featuring international diamond smuggling 80’s models with too much blusher was a highlight) and the A -Team. Who was dressing Mr T – every episode I watch he is wearing the campest outfits i have ever seen. Real blokey.
yeah, i love it!
Sheesh, I caught myself watching what shenanigans Hannibal, Face, Murdock and Mr T. were up to and how they were going to extricate themselves from their predicament…too funny! Mind you, my housemaaaaate had the TV on when I returned from where I had gone earlier, so started viewing that with him. BOGAN ALERT!!! AWOOGA! AWOOGA!
Takes me straight back to 1984, when I was all of nine years of age…
“i pity the fool”
Have you watched Blokesworld yet? This may yet be the most bogan show I have ever seen!
Oh I watched the first two seasons last week in one big couch fest. I hated them all for their “values” which include tanning, drinking, smoking and having sex with a different person each night in a room with someone else having sex with a stranger. The girls don’t even know how to cook or clean.
But I couldn’t stop watching it.
LOL. They don’t have sex. They smush.
I’m working my way through Treme at the moment. Isn’t David Simon brilliant?
I have been avoiding this show because of its alleged “reality” status, but if it comes recommended by Fiona, I will have to check it out.
LOL. James, as much as I love “Treme”, I fear David Simon is getting worse (although, his worst is better than anyone else’s best).
“The Wire” was his masterpiece, followed closely by “The Corner” (the forerunner to “The Wire”). Then comes “Generation: Kill” and then “Treme”.
Now, having said that, I do not recommend “Jersey Shore” to you. I fear your head would implode…f
“Generation Kill”- An insight into the result of a generation of men raised by women.Perhaps a root cause of this bogan phenomena that is spoken of?
Smush? To me that sounds like they face off from 20ft, run towards each other full pelt and hope to create some sort of chemical reaction that resembles an orgasm…
LOL. Perhaps that IS what they do?
So do the chicks run backwards? Kind of bent over. Do they anal bleach?
Ps TBL your site is still f*cked up?
LOL. No, they do their equivalent: anal tan.
Oh. So point butt towards the sun and spread em? Weird. The doctor will be surprised when asked to check the passage for skin cancers.
LOL. No, I suspect it’s performed during the second operation of their morning GTL ritual.
GTL?
LOL. GTL = Gym, Tanning, Laundry. The morning ritual of the guido.
Next you’ll be telling me you’re not FTD or DTF?
I may be neither of those things I suspect.
DTF – Date tanning fan?
FTD – ?
You are very knowledable on this. Do you worry that by participating you become part of the problem not the soloution? All they want is recognition and encouragement.
LOL. FTD = Fresh to Death. DTF = Down to er, fornicate.
Fiona I believe you have just been outed as a bogan.
It’s worse than what DA thought all along.
LOL. I must confess to “Jersey Shore” being a guilty pleasure.
I think they say f*ck Fi.
Still clueless as to Fresh to Death. Is this some long lost language that your degree allows you to translate?
LOL. Fresh to Death is a state of mind – a guido form of Zen, if you will. It means looking and feeling one’s best before hitting the clubs in that endless search for a non-grenade other who is DTF.
This is getting more confusing.
Non-grenade?
fresh to death seems a contradiction in terms to me.
LOL. A grenade is their vernacular for an ugly woman. So named because if (for example), Sitch finds a hot chick who is DTF but she has an ugly friend, Pauly D may have to perform the ultimate duty of a wing-man and throw himself on the grenade…
Ok so taking one for the team.
If there are two non-grenandes does Sich try to tag both or does he share with his wing man?
LOL. “Taking one for the team”. Quite. In the specific example you’ve provided, Sitch would pull the robbery move and steal Pauly D’s non-grenade and take them both into the toilet of the club.
So honour amoung theives but not guidoes.
I suspect Fi, that if I met these people my glassin paw may twitch uncontrollably.
LOL. Well, the residents of Seaside Heights certainly felt that way. See my post (far below) about what happened to Snooki during a fairly ordinary night out…
That could be a cool new sport. Punching out oompaloompas. I am ringing the IOC now to get it into London.
LOL. All that happened because the Sitch couldn’t handle the er, situation! The puncher turned out to be a PE teacher from NY who was promptly fired from his job.
Later in the series we see a juiced up gorilla head take on (and lose to) Ronnie in a boardwalk fight. That particular gentleman turned out to be a local police officer who was also terminated from his employment.
Lesson? The JERSEY SHORE RULES!
The teacher should have got at least a govenorship!
Does the word “gentleman” apply here?
So THAT’s what did Farrah Fawcett in! And hre was me thinking it had something to do with a penchant for a good old bit of #124!
So THAT’s what did Farrah Fawcett in! And here I was, thinking it was a penchant for a good ol’ bit of #124!
And if they don’t, maybe they should.
Hi Pinky, I have never seen this and suspect I never will. Why is one of the female cast members the size and colour of an oompaloompa?
So do the chicks run backwards? Kind of bent over. Do they anal bleach?
Ps TBL your site mechanics are still f*cked up?
I will confess to watching “Bones” last night and they did an episode where the lead thought that Jersey Shore was a documentary on a tribe.
I will also confess to laughing.
it kinda is though. you could do real ethnographic research on them, similar to what this site is jokingly doing with bogans
I have seen this show Jersey Shore on MTV. An episode I have gladly removed from memory and around 20mins of my life I will never get back. Lowest form of entertainment possible, perfect for the bogans.
He did us all a favour.
Check out the new episode of South Park taking the piss, quite hilarious. Apprently it’s known in Japan as “The New Jersey Life of Macaroni Rascals”
LOL. Snooki want smush smush… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MgLZWam1tQ
Will we see the Bogan travelling to NJ? Maybe stay there…That could be an upside to this sh!t that they call television. 😀
Maybe the Sydney Bogan (? Sogans) will get a chance to show off their maxxxtreme orangeness with an Australian version of this sh!t. I wish the bogans would find something new to entertain themselves with.
you mean something like this?: http://www.novafm.com.au/article_is-this-australia-s-own-jersey-shore_105272?s=223
Ugh… don’t talk to me about Sydney Bogans! I dispense alcohol to them in my new job… still, at least they’re mostly OSBs, thus fairly inoffensive.
Spotted my first gay Bogan the other night. Truly terrifying.
hey I usually don’t bother,
but,
who is this Brimstone tool?
do you actually read the items?
Goose.
there’s a superb quote in hunter s thompson’s “kingdom of fear” (the best suicide note since Mishima’s “sun and steel”) about people like you. i can’t quote it directly just now, but I think it ends with “I piss down the throat of these nazis”
actually the whole book is about people like you.
pack your sh!t and f#ck off back to ‘jersey.
reckon you’ll fit right in.
Superior. Ignorant. Twat.
Umm why the rant? Can’t see anything that Brimstone said that departed from the usual.
I’m not sure why you think the Good Doctor would have a problem with me. If i remember the essay right he was referring to Dick Chaney and George W Bush, and were he still alive (and i wish he was) he would probably be talking about the Tea Party.
I’m not sure he’d put somebody commenting on the Aussie/American divide in pop culture on QUITE the same level as the fascist cancer killing his (my) country, but I may be wrong
…anyway.
my beloved Edna brought this show to my attention many moons ago.
she may have also mentioned it in this very salon of civic discourse, if memory serves…
we both decided at the time it should be beneath the contempt of anyone with a modicum of intelligence or self respect. which I think is what TBL are saying also.
what’s the short one called again fiona?
Acerbic today.
quitting cigarettes.
“I totally have this Band which I am totally in.”
Hey Chubs,
Fight the Power dude. Good luck with the niccotine. Where are you both now?
LOL. I can’t believe this hasn’t been posted yet. Here’s a scene from (about) episode 3 of Season 1…
Poor Snooki. 😦
I love how the news reader rattle son in agreement that it should not have been aired at all, whilst they repeat the punch scene 5 times as she is saying it!
LOL. That’s the American media for you. They’re like a maxxtreme Today Tonight and ACA all rolled into one.
oddly enough, it was your Rupert Murdoch who was party responsible for that…
Ours!? I don’t think so! He’s Canada’s problem now!
simon. coral bay.
nice.
row boat to the reef.
Also, we may have suggested port hedland was the most bogue place on earth. on reflection we wish to retract.
Kawana Waters remains the bogue capital of the known universe.
other notables: the pilbara is the arsehole of the earth, unless you have resource stocks. Karratha is australia’s filthiest town.
hedland is just mt isa by the sea.
Coral bay is great. Used to do new years there. Sitting in the ocean drinking beer.
A song to ease your cravings. Appropriate too.
This thread is hilarious. I don’t think I’ve ever had so much recourse to the Urban Dictionary in one session. I am now so much less innocent and so much more wide-eyed, I don’t think I’ve even blinked once in 20 minutes.
Here is the link on the book
http://jezebel.com/5668719/exclusive-the-situations-new-book-is-the-literary-equivalent-of-an-ed-hardy-tee
Who or what the hell is The Unit?
LOL. I doubt that was ghost-written.
oh my god that is meant to be what approaches serious from this guy? fighting against ‘the beat’ (also known as attacking air) with hilariously bad illustrations, making connections with clothes, having a friend named ‘the unit’, ugh.
we bought the TBL book.
It’s nice to give back in such a meaningful way
simon your musical taste is exquisite as always.
edna had never seen the clip either.
so muchas grassy arse.
btw josh homme does a great version of that tune as well as Romeo Void’s “never say never”
useless trivia
I’m a trivial kinda cat
This is great news for the bogan, behavioural justification in widescreen.
This is great news for marketers, behavioural justification in widescreen.
They had an article in the SMH back in April that can be viewed here: http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/is-this-the-worst-tv-show-ever-20100428-ts01.html
Sort of makes you want to watch a couple of minutes just to see how awful it is.
in other famous-for-nothing-but-have -a-tv-show news, the kardashians are bringing out their own credit card. i’m wondering if buying one comes with a free sterilisation?: http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/people/credit-kardashians-20101101-179tg.html
I live in a sharehouse that adores, in order
(a) Three and a Half Men
(b) Jersey Shore
(c) Tosh.0 (We laugh at things on the internet – FART, yuck, wow, yuck, wow)
There should be some respite or some form of compensation for people such as me.
WOW. I can’t believe a mere soapy would attract so much chatter.? Another attempt to americanise our culture through lack of originality.@ FI you shone with this unknow subject to the. *sighs* in gladness.
Speaking of Americanisation, I can’t believe how many kids there were out trick-or-treating on Saturday! I’m sure it wasn’t like that last year…
Fairfax reckon 4 million Australians participated in some sort of Halloween shenanigans on Sunday; that’s 20% of the population…
According to my uni history books, it’s not Americanisation that Australia has gone through, it’s “Re-dominionisation”…take of that what you will…
Bring it, I say. It’s fun. I was very disappointed we didn’t get a single trick or treater.
yeah, Newtown went OFF. massive goth festival, heaps of people in costume, live music, various parties… saw some trick or treaters on Sunday….
We had about 3-4 door knocks and we didn’t answer. I don’t like it. I don’t want to go out and spend 10 bucks on lollies to hand out just because some kid is dressed like a witch. I’d rather spend the 10 bucks on me.
I’d be all for an egg throwing fight though. I’d like to chuck eggs at kids.
it’s not a ‘soapy’. it’s a reality show
Are you sure? Big brother esque script matched by the descriptions of said characters proves otherwise lol!! Mainly just forgotten quicker.There all much for much these days
no, it’s quite clearly a reality show
maaaatttttttttteeeeeee
Brim,
I think it may be valid to argue that this is not reality. God I hope not.
LOL. Where have you been “common man”? I’ve missed you terribly.
Hi CM,
See Batchelor of Bogan 15/10. We need you to post your Bio so we can learn more about your elusive self. Thanks.
LOL. Will do LOL.
Hi Simon,
Will check it out.Even though it will be quite obvious answer’s you expect lol!!
XOXO Stealing commonwealth fundage instead of subsdidising it.Did you manage to save those tree’s in stonnington?
LOL. Oh fiddle-dee-dee, who cares about those tiresome trees. The gardens in the ancestral estate are all I care about.
Oh my bad.Just thinking about the future atmosphere you may be foced to view,concrete jungle? Plus how else can one sneak a peek of thou?
That little Snooki scrag is one of the most deeply unattractive women I’ve ever seen.
She looks like a prostitute from a hobbit brothel.
“Scrag”?!? Now THAT’S a bogan word I haven’t heard since I mistakenly ventured into a pub in Wollongong…
That guy calling himself ‘The Situation’ makes me want to vomit. Have you seen his toothpick like legs? Repulsive little Italian dwarf! All of them have IQ’s like frozen peas.. Also, if we have a 7 Maaaate channel, how long before we have a 7 Sheila channel???
we do. it’s called Gem
I had to see what all the fuss was about so I acquired the first two episodes last night. Wow what a bunch of terribly unlikable people. The only person who is anything near likable is Vinny. The women are all skanks. It reminds me of a lot of a lot of the people I grew up with on the northern beaches. I guess they say it’s like peaking in high school or something, hence it’s popularity.
Sir,
I must register my displeasure in the strongest terms at the inclusion of the frightful cast members of the ‘Jersey Shore’ televisual programme upon your internet page. Whilst I am unfamiliar with the area portrayed in the above programme, having confined my sojourns to the colonies to the more salubrious areas to the north of New York City such as the Hamptons, my young ragamuffin inadvertently switched the television onto this abominable programme not two days previous.
However, I must say, all is not lost for the cast members of ‘Jersey Shore’. Whilst their general disposition was deplorable to say the least, the males of the show displayed uniformly impressive physiques. Such physical prowess would ideally be deployed to the North West Frontier, where even the most battle hardened Pashtun warrior would doubtlessly turn tail and flee at the sight of characters Michael ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino or Ronald Ortiz-Magro. Additionally, the excessive use of hair products as displayed by Paul ‘Pauly D’ Delvecchio would most likely render the usage of expensive protective equipment such as a helmet unnecessary.
As for the females, their uniformly promiscuous manner would undoubtedly be useful in maintaining morale amongst the warriors out in the battlefield during periods of rest and recreation. I recall a young French lass who met my acquaintance during the aftermath of the Allied invasion of Southern France in August 1944, suffice to say the events are unsuitable for a family publication such as this.
LOL. Oh Reggie, you don’t always have to be such a stuffed shirt you know!
I think Reg is embarrased because his tale involves a bit of #124 and donkey punching.
LOL. Dear grandpapa could never bring himself to talk about his time fighting Jerry for the mother country, but one could always rely on Reggie thrilling us with tales of heroism and derring-do!
It seems like all that travelling to the colonies has left you a bit disoriented, Reggie. The Hamptons are to the east of New York.
Ah yes, my good man, it seems you are correct. I must have accidentally over – indulged in my evening laudanum prior to the penning of the comment previous.
As for the foul squallings of Ms. Fiona, I believe they to be irrelevant to the point that to respond should serve only to dignify such ramblings, when they deserve no such distinction.
?Your internet page/family publication/70yr old persona,hmmm good one,i never thought about a nana troll. (My senilatly brings all the intellects to my yard)
You do know that the majority of them are not even really Italian?
Nah, Snooki is Chilean but she was adopted by Italian parents, Ronnie is half-Puerto Rican and JWoww is Spanish/Irish, but the rest are Italian.
And yes, I’ll out myself here as a lover of Jersey Shore, but in the same way I love Today Tonight – there is nothing I love more than a good trainwreck, and Jersey Shore is as much of a trainwreck as it gets.
Hi all. I’ve only just discovered this site in the last few days, and have been madly reading to catch up.
Fantastic stuff!
I can’t add anything about Jersey Shore as I’d never heard of it until about 10 minutes ago, but I did encounter a tatooed bogan last night that his maaaytes referred to as “Nutbucket”. Just thought that I’d share that : – )
Halloween?
yeah I’m into halloween.
I’m the one who puts the LSD in the candy.
I’m also the one who put the razor blades on the waterslide.
I put the dead cow in the creek.
I put the battery acid in the ecstasy.
I put the turd in your burger.
I put the burglar in that shadow.
I put the crocodiles in the billabong.
I’m the one who’s laughing at your hair.
I put an RBT over the hill.
I put a kiddie toucher in the house opposite the day-care.
and I put the spirit of a shaolin warrior monk in the body of the weedy asian hipster kid you just spilt beer on that you now have to smash in the face with a pint glass before he cuts your head off with a beer coaster and juggles it with his feet.
Things Bogans Like
#947 Fear
Despite endeavouring to give every impression to the contrary,
I already see morons on facebook quoting this show. For example, a guy I know posted “It’s t-shiiiiiirt time” and had a clip with it. After watching the clip it’s was obvious this is what the nobs on this show yell out before they go out because they have to put a t-shirt on. Blah.
http://asimplerefusal.wordpress.com
I live in a town outside of Woodend. I bought my residence (for much less than $20,000). Lately the bogans from Sunbury who think they are better than ordinary ‘Sunbreeyans’ move up here. There all seem to have jobs in the sectors that benefit most from bogan bribes/stimulus.
They now bid up properties in this area to as high as $600,000!
They equate the acquisition of ‘gadgets’ with higher learning, they dress like shit, wall to wall cargo pants even in winter!
The women all have ‘scrag tags’ and its just a disgusting place to be now.
For some reason all the mums in this area love sexualising there 5 year old girls, it’s a sick, crass bunch of people here in Woodend.
It used to be good when it was a countryt hamlet.