#166 – Breakfast Television

18 08 2010

The bogan knows it is unique and special and that it is particularly awesome. Because of its constitutionally enshrined free speech, it has many means of letting other know it, and even more for confirming this deeply held belief with itself. However, the belief conceals a deep, troubling insecurity. Is it really a unique gift to the world? How to be sure? The bogan realised that it needs to start every day with special reassurance that it is, indeed, a special snowflake, and that every other special snowflake thinks the same things it does. Breakfast TV was born.

Breakfast TV is a carefully calibrated mathematical bogan formula; the result of decades of intense trial and error. Two robots, made to appear male and female, flirt awkwardly with one another while offering a carefully selected combination of ‘news’ articles. These articles are designed to make the bogan smile the smile of the liberated, understanding bogan, or alternately fill the bogan with an inhuman rage. In between stories of bogans inspired by stories from the previous night’s A Current Affair or Today/Tonight, other bogans will pose on the street behind the set through a window. In the belief that they can receive twenty seconds of patronising attention from the obligatory dwarf weatherman, they will travel 45 minutes to the CBD of Sydney, carry placards, wave and gesticulate madly in an effort to draw the producers’ eye.

Along with the resident obligatory dwarf weatherman, there is also the obligatory outrageously camp ‘gossip’ reporter – who is irritating enough for the bogan to announce that its dislike is for reasons other than him being a fucking poof, all the while embracing the idea of gay people in two dimensions. Then there are the hosts themselves. The female robot sits, looking anodyne and attractive, lulling the bogan in to watch while the male robot, pretending to be jovial, is actually plotting the destruction of the universe. Each network’s robot has an inbuilt programming specialty, letting them either offer inane life and financial advice, or terrible, terrible jokes, after which it will grin stupidly at the camera, giving the bogan the impression that the joke was funny. The female robot is programmed to laugh also. Channel 7, however, have yet to replicate the technology that gave Channel 9 the inhuman incubus that is Richard Wilkins.

So, the bogan could wake up on weekdays and get a taste of reassurance to kick off the day. But then came Saturday. The bogan would awake groggily, and tune in, expecting to again be told that it was right, and safe. But instead, it was faced with kids’ TV. This displeased the bogan, who needed further validation. Weekend breakfast TV was born…


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189 responses

18 08 2010
concern troll

Thank you for changing it back to black on white. Much appreciated.

Just a note at the top. Anyone else who whines about the colour scheme won’t get published. Please refer to post #164. TBL

18 08 2010
Tone

Welcome back, TBL!

18 08 2010
hel

Not responding well to constructive criticism…… bit of boganity in that? You could vomit on a page and scratch your posts in that then take a photo and put it online and it would still read as the best thing on the net, apart from story transcripts from A Current Affair of course.

18 08 2010
Sibyl Ince

Oh how sweet. And precious. And classic.

20 08 2010
The Stranger

Wait, did you just tell us to HTFU?

18 08 2010
Enus

Ah the robot that is Karl Stefanovic, takes me back to the ‘Get This’ days.

18 08 2010
JimC

Get This Lives!!!

Didn’t they, at one point, have one of their fans change his Wikipedia photo to a picture of R2-D2?

20 08 2010
The Stranger

Nodding Profusely!

20 08 2010
Turkish Grip

Well he was the only one who didn’t get injured on Dancing With The Stars On Ice. As I recall they changed the picture of C3PO on wikipedia to a picture of the emotionless one.

“I can confirm that we are human, most of the time anyway.”
“Then what’s with the beeps homie?”

18 08 2010
Shirley M

These shows are all atrocious, but I reserve a special kind of hatred for Mel and Kochie.

I hate to be a pendant (sic), TBL but I believe it should be ‘pretending to BE jovial’.

Fabulous work, as always.

18 08 2010
Fiona of Balwyn

Ugh. For some reason we just pick androids as hosts.

Compare that to “Phil and Fern” who used to host in the UK and there you have your answer.
Likable, funny, interesting… they never flirted and often would crack up on live TV and be unable to read the autocues.

The content was about as interesting as any breakfast show but if I was ever ill I’d always watch them because they were enjoyable to watch.

Shame no-one ripped off that idea unlike every other foreign success

19 08 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Could become the genesis of a mockumentary series, à la Frontline, with a fly-on-the-wall perspective of the precious egos, chicanery and blatant misanthropy these shows incubate.

But then again, it would be very derivative, a bit too easy. Yet, the people behind the machinations (as well as those who foul the cameras with their vapid presence) would do well from having a primer to remember the lessons of Frontline, still all too prescient in this point in time.

18 08 2010
Simon of South Yarra

I prefer Virginia and the bloke that is nearly sitting in her lap

18 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

With you there ABC2 for me in the morning, if I’m not watching a Baywatch rerun on Foxtel that is.

18 08 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

@ Si GAA
About as much news on “Boobtube” as there is on Mel & Koshie / Karl and Lisa.

18 08 2010
Tone

ABC News Breakfast’s hosts are too far in the other direction. Virginia reminds me of a cross between ‘Fran’ from Black Books and a corpse.

18 08 2010
Benny Hill

Even the ABC Breakfast show is bile filled tripe.

As an avid ABC viewer, especially ABC iView on my amazingly expensive (outdated) home theater system, it depresses me that they are now trying to cater to the bogan market with their own Footy Show and breakfast show. While the sets aren’t as elaborate, the premise is still the same; to cater for bogans who think they aren’t bogans because its the ABC.

18 08 2010
vivisection

I would still rather watch abc breakfast than any other. I don’t feel intense hatred when its on , that’s a plus.

19 08 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Between those early morning shows and breakfast radio (Fran Kelly on Radio National to some extent notwithstanding), they present a compelling reason to be a shift worker (of which I am), either getting up before sparrowfart or wake up too late for the peak hour jams.

Those types of programmes have the very opposite of the intended effect (to bring levity and humour first thing), instead rendering me unnaturally homicidal in feeling.

18 08 2010
Guinea Pig

Shirley, what’s wrong with pendants? Jewellery has rights too…

These shows vindicate the decision to have the TV off in the morning (having no time helps too) – godawful ambushes of blandness.

Do Channel Nein hold “Karl” up as their model of ethnic diversity because his name sounds “wog-like”?. Wait, don’t they have another ex-model with a “wog-like” name on one of their lifestyle shows?

Where are the darkies? I need evidence that contradicts that the major networks are a “whitewash”.

18 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

There is no evidence, darkies must be neither seen or heard, unless they are Ernie Dingo or Kahmal. Such is the way of commercial TV in Aust. In American they have the token black dude reading the weather but he will have been specially coached to sound white so the viewer can close their eyes and pretend……..

18 08 2010
Shirley M

Same goes with slopes, of course. Except for Dr. Cindy Pan.

18 08 2010
SD

It took a long time for ABC to get there too……unless I am mistaken and Jeremy Fernandez has been reading the news forever.

18 08 2010
pb

he’s taken a few years to get to the point he is now, but has been around a couple of years, i think. but abc’s had ethnic diversity on play school for ages.

18 08 2010
SD

Not seen play school:-)

I guess I am going merely by my first impressions – no doubt there are more presenters.

18 08 2010
Shirley M

You can learn a lot more useful lessons watching Play School than you can by watching breakfast telly. You get to sing and dance too!

18 08 2010
SD

I’ll give it a go :-)

18 08 2010
James Hunter

Shirl,
and SBS’s Lee Lin Chin OK shes not on breakfast TV and she is terribly thin but she doed hsve a way with clothes.

18 08 2010
Goran

Lee Lin Chin is the most inexplicably sexy woman on Aussie TV.

18 08 2010
Tombarina

I’m terrified of her.

Her delivery is quite accusatory – I always come away feeling that I’m personally responsible for an airstrike on the Gaza Strip, or for a landslide in Uruguay.

18 08 2010
JimC

Yes! With her tone I always feel guilty for not being militantly aware of world strife when I watch SBS news.

Although I think those pursed, disapproving lips of hers could do wonder to…

I think I’ll stop there.

18 08 2010
SD

On the other hand I can’t shrug off the feeling that Lee Lin is thinking of that awesomely fierce dress she spotted on her way to work and fully intends to wear on her next appearance.

18 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I reckon she could suck the chrome off a towbar.

18 08 2010
brad

she rolls her own tampons

18 08 2010
vivisection

But her outfits are always sensational. The woman is the best accessoriser on Australian Televison.

18 08 2010
pb

the thing that stands out to me is how exact her lipstick always is.

18 08 2010
James Hunter

Tombarina,
Have you ever seen her conducting an interview?
She is quick tenacious and takes no prisoners !

18 08 2010
Sten

I used to find her very stressful to listen to. There’s just a grating quality to her voice I found disconcerting. I suppose I’m used to her these days though, but I tend to prefer to warmer tones of Anton Enis, or Janice Petersen or Nina Mairata (sp?).

Oh, and I’m a happy young football hooligan when Mariana Rudan reads the sport report. :D

11 10 2010
Dingo Dave

I watch her lips and pretend she is a strange exotic talking fish. Try it sometime!

18 08 2010
Tombarina

And now, a live cross to a friend who used to work with with Lee Lin:

“She’s an absolute sweetheart with a wonderfully whacky sense of humour – it’s a shame there’s no scope for allowing that to shine through while she’s reading news items about death, destruction and military action.”

Thanks for that. I’m still frightened, though…..

19 08 2010
Bag O'Turnips

I also did appreciate Mary Kostakidis, when she was on Essa: she quit when that graduate of tabloid telly, Stan Grant, began to prate about his supposed superiority, a byproduct of MD Shaun Brown’s commercial overtures on the station (i.e. slotting ads within individual shows). When Mary K couldn’t pull rank by dint of hard-won experience, it was a case of either “he goes or I go”. Unfortunately, she was the one to walk.

Also, TISM made a song titled “Lose Your Delusion” (complete with two versions, no less), all about giving up credibility in current affairs for the soft options on the other commercials.

19 08 2010
pb

on a related note – are stan grant and emma alberici the only two journos who’ve gone from commercial networks to sbs and abc respectively?

11 10 2010
Dingo Dave

No, Scott Bevan and Anna Corrin switched. I guess they were seeking a bit of credibility?

19 08 2010
James Hunter

BOT,
AND MaryK was HOT

19 06 2011
Agreeance

Oh my god, she is so freakin’ hot. She’s my #145. Bet she’s really nice outside the tube, as well.

13 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

There need to be more weathermen like Ollie Williams.

“IT’S GONNA RAIN!”
“SWIMMIN’ HOLE!”
“WHO WANTS THIS DOG?”

18 08 2010
Tone

Only because commercial TV likes to play the Hot Asian Chick card now and then.

18 08 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Karen Tso, Channel Nine…tick!

18 08 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse

LOL. I must watch one of these programmes some day when Father isn’t around.

18 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I would not bother Fi, stick to Pride and Predjudice.

18 08 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse

LOL. I would only watch once, of course, just to gain further insight into how the lesser people live.

18 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Fair enough, we don’t want you picking up bad habits.

18 08 2010
James Hunter

Wonder how many “Bad Habbits” Foney Rabbit picked up in the seamen ary ?

18 08 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse

LOL. I think you mean semen ary. And habits.

18 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yeah, but who is this Foney Rabbit he keeps banging on about. Is he related to Peter Rabbit or Bugs Bunny?

18 08 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse

LOL. Who knows? Who cares?

18 08 2010
James Hunter

Foney Rabbit is Tony Abbot but I accept he looks like Buggs Bunny

18 08 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
Thanks, I accept that you know more of these things than I !

18 08 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse

LOL. I know more of all things in comparison to you.

18 08 2010
Ian

The lack of ‘quality’ morning cartoon shows makes me sad considering what I grew up with. Cheez TV and Agro were a far more interesting way to start the day than Mel and Kochie or Karl and ‘generic lady who hasn’t been boned yet’.

I see a sequel to this post – Mid morning shows that are basically repeats of what’s just happened between 6-9am.

18 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Advertorials.

18 08 2010
JimC

At least Bert used to make that bullshit entertaining.

18 08 2010
Shirley M

I would say they are even worse. Is Larry Emdur still the host of the Channel 7 morning show? He is such a knob end. Though, I do like that the sex therapist on that show is Dr. Cockburn.

18 08 2010
pb

it’s already happening ian – kerri-anne.

18 08 2010
hel

“generic lady who hasn’t been boned yet” you should write for TBL

11 10 2010
Dingo Dave

Yeah that made me laugh, don’t even care who your talking about!

8 02 2013
franz chong

I agree with you Ian.I do remember starting the day with Cartoons before School and later Work whoever the bean counters at 7 decided to put on a Breakfast Show obviously doesn’t have kids.Not every home in this land has a Disney or Nickelodeon on Pay TV or the option on Digital with 11’s Toasted TV at this stage.

21 02 2013
franz chong

Me Too Ian.I remember before heading to school and my first year of work towards the end of 1996 in the case of the latter starting the day with some Cartoons.Who remembers Agro and Ann Marie/Holly/Shelly Croft in the Mornings?I would rather go back to that than put up with the Junk that is Mel and Kochie and on the weekend version That Annoying Deal or No Deal Guy and whoever else fills in on Saturdays and Sundays.

24 02 2013
martin

Libtards probably wouldn’t allow Agro on in the morning anymore and probably not a lot of those cartoons. For instance Elmer Fudd would be considered a redneck psycho.

Now you see it in the afternoons. :D Kids TV has lost it’s charm imo, it all seems to be just like video clips. Oh well, kids seem to like it.

I f#cken hate the wiggles. Fatwah on the wiggles. If I ever have kids I’m going to ask for a ban on them.

25 02 2013
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

If you have kids Martin I imagine they will glass The Wiggles themselves.

25 02 2013
martin

That I would be proud of. Maybe I could get them listening to Nirvana instead. But then they’ll probably want to smoke bongs, better prevent that from a 5 year old. I should definitely equip them with some abusive words because I’m not paying for a farken Catholic school. Catholics are bogans. Unless I marry a Catholic and she’s awesome in bed.

13 04 2014
franz chong

I agree Agro and the assorted Female Hosts were better than Koch and whoever the other person hosting Sunrise is these days.It is disappoint to see except for the ABC and Channel 11 NOBODY caters for KIDS before they have to go to School during the School Terms or for when it is School Holidays when it comes to starting the day though.

18 08 2010
Rob

I hate “Today” with a passion but it is by far the lesser of two evils. “Sunrise”, dear god, “Sunrise”. The last time I watched it (for the total of five minutes) it turned a coverage piece for a book on the sinking of HMAS Perth into a panel on “What makes Australia great?” starring respected intellectuals Alex Perry and Vince Soretti.

I also hate the way it shoves the forced friendliness and perkiness down your throat.

And I’d watch ABC Breakfast but ever since she left Lateline Virginia Trioli just looks like she hates life. I can’t blame her, the (fantastic) Leigh Sales replaced her and has almost usurped the show from Tony Jones.

18 08 2010
Jerry

They could make a drinking game based around Kochie (Koshie) from Sunrise. You’d have to drink every time he offers his advice on economic/financial matters or name-drops people working as managers/directors in banks or other money-related institutions.

11 10 2010
Dingo Dave

What! you mean you don’t model your portfolio on Kochie’s market commentary. It would have to be vodka so they couldn’t smell it on you at work.

18 08 2010
pb

ninemsn homepage has a video of olivia newton-john saying what she’d do if she were pm. i’m not game to watch it.

18 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Kochie is a tool
Mel is a fool
The Weatherman is small
and Sunrise sucks balls
While bogans watch and drool

18 08 2010
pominoz

I have seen Sunrise a few times while its on the screens at work. The blonde totty has 3 faces. The ‘sad look’ face the ‘quirky story’ face and the ‘this is a funny story’ face .
The other so called presenter has a looped tape voice with the words ‘UnAustralian’ and ‘Good old Aussie’ continually being played
Fluff at its worse

18 08 2010
Ian

Kochie has basically become a politician – trots out well worn catch phrases that resonate with bogans everywhere to simplify complex issues and drags his family into the picture whenever he wants to score brownie points.

To an extent, we should all be thankful that breakfast TV pays more than Federal politics…

19 08 2010
Bag O'Turnips

There’s that woman on Surmise, can’t remember her name, the one with the dark hair in long bob cut, who leaves Virginia (Barnaby Joyce? Loopy, Loopy!) Trioli looking positively radiant and full of life.

Whatshername comes across as a right sourpuss whose face reads as if she has something prickly and oversized fairly jammed up her Jackson Pollock, dislodging the poo that her anally retentive persona would not allow her to easily evacute. Maybe she don’t smile much because insomuch as she now lives in the City That Good Taste Forgot (Sydney), she knows that deep down, she’ll be no better than Christie Allen (a Countdown favourite pop star around 1979-80), in that she hails from Bunbury, which any Sandgroper worth their salt knows all too well, is a mecca of mediocrity, a perennial Worst Of Perth topic. (Hell, there’s even a t-shirt for sale with the heading “Perth—The Bunbury Of The North”).

That’d be a headline worth reading: Natalie Barr (that’s who…had to do good ol’ research by Wikipedia!) overdoses on pills, umm, of the Coloxyl laxative type.

18 08 2010
Sten

“Blonde totty”… you’re not from the North-East are you, pominoz?

19 08 2010
pominoz

No but my wife is from Durham

19 08 2010
Sten

Ah, OK… I always figured “totty” was a word native to the north-eastern English dialiects. But it’s been a while since I’ve been back to Old Blighty.

18 08 2010
Shirley M

Those of us here might say,
why would anyone watch Today?
See, bogans don’t use their brains,
while they eat Nutri-Grain.
Richard Reid is TOTALLY gay!

18 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

*round of applause*

18 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Richard Reid is Gay?
Someone has got to pay
Carl Williams is not dead
He can f*ckup Richards head
What do you c*nts have to say?

20 08 2010
The Stranger

Please stop.

20 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

The Stranger says stop
Shirl and I write limericks he can’t top
We’ll keep going
He’ll keep moaning
Not that we care alot

20 08 2010
Shirley M

There once was a man named Simon,
He had a passion for glassings and rhymin’
The Stranger don’t like it,
but Simon says ‘f*ck it,
and I’ll end this limerick with hymen.

20 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Shirl,

That is awesome, thankyou.

20 08 2010
Shirley M

You’re most welcome. I got great pleasure out of rhymin’ Simon with hymen.

20 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Errr Thanks I think…….

I can’t think of a body part that rhymes with Shirl.

20 08 2010
Shirley M

Shirley / short and curlies?

20 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

My girl Shirley
Grabbed The Stranger by the short and curlies
Gave them a tug
Called him a mug
And now The Stranger feels a bit surly

20 08 2010
Shirley M

Aww bless. Thanks dude!

20 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

( ) ( )
()
:

Leaky cock

20 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Did not work sorry, left justified itself for some reason.

20 08 2010
Shirley M

It’s ok. I can use my vivid imagination.

21 08 2010
The Stranger

Have you read this? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_%28poetry%29

If that’s too hard, try this instead: http://www.freewebs.com/limericks/

I love limericks, but yours neither rhyme nor scan. That you defend your malformed limericks is like Dan Quayle insisting on “potatoe”. Bogan pride, you could say.

When composing a brief witty rhyme
It pays to give it some time
Miscounting the words
Is the hallmark of turds
Defending it compounds the crime.

21 08 2010
Shirley M

There once was a style called the limerick,
and I think it sucks a big dick.
Confined to five lines,
unimaginative rhymes,
To be sure, it’s a low form of wit.

18 08 2010
Sten

Gawd… I was at the annual awards/Xmas blowout for the last company I worked for… part of the entertainment was a Kochie & Kevin Rudd impersonator… then we had the real Kochie.

I’m not sure which was worse.

20 08 2010
Tone

You had James O’Loughlin as MC?

20 08 2010
Sten

At this risk of sounding ignorant, who’s he?

20 08 2010
pb

new inventors host.

20 08 2010
Tone

with an alarming resemblance to Kochie, only far less glassable.

18 08 2010
Theblob

Could evening gameshows hosted by equally disturbing replicants be included?

18 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yes, certainly.

8 02 2013
franz chong

Yes.It’s the lack of decent 5:30 to 6pm alternatives unless you have a digital or Pay TV service that is sad.I remember as a kid this time twenty five years ago coming home before the Nine News watching Bugs Bunny Cartoons with Tweety and all the other Characters.Now It’s Eddie Everywhere’s Hot Seat.A Step back in time Yes!!!

20 07 2013
franz chong

Possibly.Bring back Sophie Lee or some other female host for a 21st Century Bugs Bunny as a News Lead In.Anything has to be an improvement over Eddie McGuire and Hot Seat!!.

20 07 2013
James Hunter

Franz,
I do hope you were not infering that Eddie has a “Hot Seat” ? OMG

13 04 2014
franz chong

I am referring to that Annoying Hot Seat or as It was known in the old days Millionaire.I miss Bugs Bunny and Tweety Bird in the evenings.

13 04 2014
James Hunter

I think Eddie is a bit of a tool …Hmm Maybe that is why some think he has a hot seat ?

18 08 2010
pb

breaking news: ernie dingo charged with assaulting a kid at a school assembly – http://www.watoday.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/ernie-dingo-charged-with-assault-20100818-12cfa.html

18 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Fark, first he has an open marriage and roots around, now he belts kids? He should run for parliment.

18 08 2010
Shirley M

A Dingo bashed my baby!

Sorry.

18 08 2010
vivisection

Shirley , well done:)

18 08 2010
James, anti Anti-Intellectual

Second that viv. Disgraceful Shirley, yet very entertaining.

18 08 2010
Sten

Hahaha! That’s right up your alley, isn’t it, Viv?

I thought it was funny too… but I’m sick in the head.

18 08 2010
James Hunter

Shirl,
E Dingo bashed your baby not A Dingo. Sorry actually I suppose it was both !

18 08 2010
vivisection

Could be a New Zealand Mother yelling it out?

18 08 2010
JimC

“Oh, shut!! Thit Dungo hut my baby, eh, Gil!?!”

18 08 2010
vivisection

My favourite moment on Sunrise is right at the end – when they look at the Sunrise Family Fridge – with pics sent in of Briannaha and Jaycuhb. Also because I know the horror is ending , at least for another day.

18 08 2010
Mezz

They should merge these two bogan networks (7 & Nein) and form a bogan TV empire. Can you imagine David Koch (pronounced Cock in the country where the name originated) and that annoying tool on Nein together at breakfast. Bogan heaven. How’s my favourite website. Just got back from OS and there are many various types of bogans in the world. Canada has its own unique brand! WOW.

18 08 2010
vivisection

Mezz, I never want to hear such sick suggestions again. We will all pretend that you didn’t put that out there in the world. La la la la…..

11 10 2010
Dingo Dave

Their big egos/heads would not both fit on Camera, so I think we will be safe.

18 08 2010
Sten

Doesn’t work for me… how else am I supposed to make jokes about “Nine Kampf” in referrence to ACA?

19 08 2010
Bag O'Turnips

@ Sten

Pissfunny that!

Nein Kampf fire is burning out…

19 08 2010
Sten

Glad you liked it, Turnips.

18 08 2010
Gordon Gecko

How does anyone find the time to watch breakfast television?

With the exception of stay-at-home parents and retirees, shouldn’t you be at work?

Actually, there’s an idea. If we sacked Kochie and his Sunrise team (we all know he doesn’t have anything to do now Kevvie’s not around for them to take turns blowing) perhaps the unemployed would get off the couch.

Or not. They don’t know how to work their massive plasma’s DVD recorder to record Ellen.

18 08 2010
Dgusten

Good question – I never watch breakfast TV.

But I also wonder how anyone finds the time to post comments here… as I reluctantly close the web browser and go back to doing “work”…

18 08 2010
SD

Its well known that work is what you do between posting comments. Especially true if you have a job in research!

18 08 2010
pb

or even better – are a phd student. my research at the moment is online, so it is easy to just have tbl in one tab and my work in another.

18 08 2010
Shirley M

The only time in my life I’ve seen large quantities of breakfast/morning television was when my son was a newborn and I was spending endless hours on the couch breastfeeding him. At the time I even toyed with the idea of writing a book about things I learnt watching morning television. The problem was I didn’t learn much at all, except for how full of hate I am capable of being. Oh, and loads of hot celebrity gossip.

18 08 2010
Sten

Sounds like a fantastic insight into the “workings” of the Bogan mind to me, Shirrley!

Go for it… the Bogues would lap it up, because they’ve already “seen the movie”, so to speak.

18 08 2010
Shirley M

Hey, you’re right. I’ll have to wait until next time I have a baby. I KNEW I should have taken notes!

18 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I can see the movie.
Bruce Willis as Kochie
Jennifer Aniston as Mel
Danny Devito as short ass weather dude
Hank Azaria as the gay gossip monger

18 08 2010
Sten

Methinks I smell an Oscar!

18 08 2010
James Hunter

Wilde

18 08 2010
martin

I only see it maybe 5 times a year when I’m still drunk from the night before and the yeast from the beer has made me wake up early. I enjoy it for a while in my blissfully dumb and anaesthetised state then I sober up and realise how much how despise the ministry of truth, er, the media.

Can’t believe how much those losers get paid. A f$cken news reader gets like half a mil a year. What a rort. I guess it’s so they can remain looking happy while they spew lies and crap.

18 08 2010
brad

It does raise some questions about the lifestyle choices amongst some of our esteemed posters?

20 08 2010
The Stranger

ABC 7:02-7:13 am Shaun the Sheep! then off to work.

20 08 2010
Tone

I’m just glad ABC3 stopped showing The Mr Men Show at 7:10. That used to make me late for work, I’d always get sucked in by the obvious tension between Mr Bump and Little Miss Welsh.

21 02 2013
franz chong

A Lot of us don’t.Shift workers who work from 10pm to 6am aside and evening workers from 4:30pm onwards too There just isn’t enough hours in the day to fit in Breakfast TV before heading to your day job.

18 08 2010
Elitist Coffee Lover

When I used to work at coles sunrise was always on in the staffroom. At my local hairdressers sunrise is always on in the salon. Sunrise is also on in my doctors waiting room. Also people who work wierd shifts (nights, evenings) find the time to watch it.
Also don’t be too critical on the unemplyed, I am and love to sit on the coach. I’ve actively been looking for work for two weeks now. Theres no jobs there!

18 08 2010
Sten

That gives me great hope. I’ve been unemployed for the past three months (living off the redundancy money, not the dole). I’ve got to start looking for work soon, as the money’s running out.

Damn and blast.

18 08 2010
Dgusten

Lucky coach?

18 08 2010
vivisection

These shows start at the crack of dawn – I get up at 6am and leave for work at 7.20 – these shows are on by then. Luckily so is ABC breakfast, so I can start the day without rupturing an organ or having an aneurism. And then there is the weekend editions polluting the airwaves too.

18 08 2010
James

FIONA OF TOORAK
You are probably some forty year old man living in your mother’s basement. You obviously don’t live in Toorak because if you did you would have a job and actually go to work rather than sitting online posting random crap. I enjoy TBL as well, but if you think you are so elitist you’re really only demonstrating another classic sign of the modern bogan

18 08 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse

LOL. Why do I need to have a job to live in Toorak?

18 08 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
James(not me) is probably suffering from the curse of the working class….work !

18 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

*makes chalk mark on board*

18 08 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse

LOL. Shush Simon. Let this lesser person have his moment in the sun.

18 08 2010
SD

Though I stand guilty of having been stroppy about Fi, it might be helpful for newcomers to have a note on top stating “Anyone else who whines about Fiona of Toorak won’t get published”!.

At least each newbie won’t think they are the first to brilliantly deduce that she is 40/a man/lives in a bogan suburb/collects a centrelink cheque etc. etc.!

18 08 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse

LOL. I’m not 40! I’m not a man! I don’t live in a bogan suburb! What is Centrelink?

18 08 2010
martin

No. You’ve been “35” for the last 10 years.

18 08 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse

LOL. I’ve not even been 30 once yet!

18 08 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
I suspect Martin has been 3.5 for the last ten years
Possibly in a time warp with SD , a parrallel kindyverse

18 08 2010
TheBattlersPrince

So, the 6th Anniversary of your 29th Birthday then?

18 08 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

I’m with you SD.

Please TBL!!

Ha, I think every individual needs to go on their own journey of making peace with FoT. TBL

19 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Thanks TBL, I love the reactions to Fi. Think of Pandora day etc, we need these people.

19 08 2010
Dgusten

I’m with you Simon. Besides, the warning note would have to go at the top of EVERY post, because you can always rely on an idiot to post idiotic comments.

That being said, I wouldn’t mind Things Bogans Like #167: Thinking you’re the first person to brilliantly deduce that Fiona of Toorak is 40/a man/lives in a bogan suburb/collects a centrelink cheque etc etc and feeling the need to share that wisdom.

PS I need to read Pandora comments now, don’t I?

PSS Fiona, how do you always remember to type LOL before anything else? Have you ever forgotten to do it? If so, was it traumatic when you realised?

19 08 2010
SD

In fairness to the whingers, FoT has toned it down a bit. At one point LOLs ran amok over the page.

19 08 2010
Benny Hill

In all honesty I enjoy the comments from Fiona’s Fanboy’s more than Fiona’s comments themselves. Feels’ like Ground Hog Day when she comments.

19 08 2010
Tone

The TBL blog without FoT would be like a Commodore with Chevrolet badges.

19 08 2010
Tone

*without

(glasses self for making such a stupid typo)

19 08 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse

LOL. Is that a compliment?

19 08 2010
Tone

Of sorts. :P

19 08 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
I think that may be what people call a “back handed compliment”
The thing to be carefull of is that some times there is more back hand then compliment !

18 08 2010
martin

I must say Lol too. Since when did the mega rich get rich via work? Funny. They “invest” their inheritances dummy.

18 08 2010
Mandi

Off topic I have discovered other people also want to see twilight vampire C sections that you wont see in the cinema and thus have made a video that covers all plot points in under two minutes.

http://jezebel.com/5615207/see-the-important-parts-of-breaking-dawn-before-it-hits-theaters

18 08 2010
MIck Thick

“the male robot, pretending to be jovial, is actually plotting the destruction of the universe.”

You hit the nail fair square on the fucking head there TBL. To look into the eyes of KS is to look into the dark obsidian eyes of Satan himself. I can only imagine the depths of his rage-filled tantrums when the camera is switched off.

18 08 2010
Theblob

Every time I look at KFS I want to drive a stake into its cold dead heart.

19 08 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Karl Stuffinupalot. I dearly wish that he’d go on every morning in somewhat “tired and emotional” state, as he did once after some gala do, that channels Molly Meldrum during the 100th episode of Countdown.

At least Meldrum has some personality, in spite of his umming-and-erring, unlike the KFS-1 android.

19 08 2010
19 08 2010
vivisection

This, I cannot wait for.

19 08 2010
dean

7mate? you have got to be joking
Do people still say ‘mate’ in friendly way? I was under the impression that now it is only used condescendingly
‘Good one, maaate’
Mind you, I haven’t left Melbourne’s zone 1 for three years unless on an international flight so what would I know *guffaw*

19 08 2010
SD

Might have been more interesting if they had a 7MonM in line with the modern woman’s needs:

http://gawker.com/5615899/why-are-straight-women-so-obsessed-with-gay-sex

First tho SATC3 would need to incorporate it so trendy femmebogues could have a night in of MonM.

15 03 2013
franz chong

It’s Not.Alright I find their Police Shows Bogan but definetly not How I met your Mother,American Dad and Family Guy.

19 08 2010
Mandi

7 maaaaaaaate, christ. So no more HD tv on seven unless it features beer and breasts?

19 08 2010
pb

tits and violence is my guess.

19 08 2010
chris

Always been curious as to why 7 & 9 need to have their own sodomite-in-residence. Does being rammed up the chuff give you some special insight into the entertainment industry?

24 08 2010
des

Mel is hard to hate, in as much as a Labrador is hard to hate. Dumb, blonde and (I suspect) slobbery, but ultimately friendly. I believe that is her appeal to the Bogan.

David Kosh gives me the runs.

25 08 2010
Muhammad Inam

This is Extremely Brilliant

Online Television

26 09 2010
Koala's Lament

Richard Wilkins needs to stop drinking virgins blood and start ageing like the rest of us.

11 10 2010
Dingo Dave

I saw him once (on the odd occasion I watch) and thought he has a head that looks like he’s been chasing parked busses!

8 11 2010
Igomi Watabi

What I want to know is why the male robot on Channel 9 feels the need to yell all the time?

6 06 2011
franz chong

It gets worse.Did you know Nine were planning on putting on a 7pm News/Chat Show with the aforementioned Karl and Leila McKinnon to fix their woes at that hour.If it does go ahead It will be nothing more than the same crap that is fed to us but on a thirty minute scale as they show in the Mornings.

And it get’s worse.The thirty minutes between 8:30 and 9am Nine used to devote as programming for the mums with small children with Humphrey and HI 5 is now wasted on the Today Show.

14 10 2012
helena

Yes, they’ve dressed the female bogans to look like the stepford wives. Funny though the stepford robots were smarter and prettier. I wonder why the people back stage havent noticed the robotic bogan malfunctioning. The male one pretends to cough while he is swearing. Warning warning!! His wiring is burnt out. Or do all the bogans find that funny. West world look out. The robots are all malfunctioning.

7 01 2013
Basil

I actually found this site by searching the web for opinions on Australian breakfast television (great site, by the way). Put simply – it is appalling. The quality across all channels is woeful, but particularly Channel 9, whose offering has to be the most dumbed-down, one-dimensional, patronising television show I have ever had the misfortune of viewing . By contrast, British breakfast television is fairly watchable, certainly the Beeb. ABC, which one would assume would offer a reasonably highbrow production offers nothing of the sort, and simply seems to pander to the lowest common denominator and emulate the lowbrow rubbish on the other channels only with a fraction more depth, but in the most uncomfortable and wooden manner possible. The only thing worse than Australian breakfast television is breakfast radio.

Awful, awful, awful.

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