While the bogan has used doughnuts to medicate its desire for fat and sugar many times in the past, these were just ordinary doughnuts. More recently, a whole new world of bogan-style doughtnuts has opened up. Dispensing with flavour in favour of koncentrated sugar and fat, in mid 2003 the American kompany opened its first Australian store in Sydney. Not available anywhere else, rumour of Krispy Kreme’s ability to attach sugar to the SIDE of the doughnut ran wild in bogan circles. Soon, Jetstar was ferrying thousands of karry-on doughnuts per week, as intrepid bogan ants scuttled their exotic treats back to nests around Australia. After a period of establishing brand mythology in the bogan psyche, Krispy Kreme was ready for phase two.
On Thursday 2 March 2006, at the QV retail komplex in central Melbourne, a queue hundreds of bogans long is snaking its way up and down the walkways of the komplex, erratically doubling back on itself in open spaces wide enough to allow the bogans to do so. A Krispy Kreme doughnut giveaway promotion is running in the building, and the bogan is queuing for up to three hours in the hope of getting one of the 10,000 free doughnuts on offer. There is no velvet rope in sight, but the bogan is desperate.
Three hours in a queue for the possibility of a free $3 doughnut. Few kompanies have been more successful in manipulating boganomics to their own ends. As each bogan proudly marched away from the kounter bearing its doughnut, Krispy Kreme knew that it was the start of a beautiful relationship. While the American parent kompany has been trading very poorly in recent years, the Australian bogan has almost single-handedly kept the operation afloat. Kanada’s 18 stores have dwindled to three, Hong Kong’s 7 stores went into liquidation in 2008, and store numbers in the United States halved between 2004 and 2009. But the bogan remained as firm as a doughnut-filled gut kan remain. There are now 54 stores in Australia, and rising.
Why does the bogan like Krispy Kreme so much? Well, apart from the bogan-titillating branding and launch kampaign, the kompany has also made life very easy for the bogan. What other kompany is kind enough to offer a 24-hour doughnut and watery koffee drive-through at Fountain Gate in Melbourne, and Penrith in Sydney? After the launch of the Fountain Gate store, there was a bogan kar queue 500 metres long which had to be soothed by local police and security guards to avoid doughnut-related road rage. But while a network of 54 franchised stores offered reasonable bogan koverage, there was more to do. Krispy Kreme successfully negotiated to get its premium priced doughnuts stocked at Woolworths, and at selected petrol stations. Now, the bogan would never be denied its konstitutional right to spend $25 on a dozen shiny 25% fat doughnuts from a kar-friendly outlet near to its McMansion.