#141 – Suiting Up

20 05 2010

On the surface, much of the male bogan’s behaviour portrays a deep resentment of ‘intellectuals’, ‘elitists’, and successful people who are not celebrities or lottery winners. But this is merely a manifestation of what is arguably its greatest fear: being left out. Indeed, the bogan male aspires to a sophisticated life among high society, being in the know about get rich quick schemes, and dalliances with corporate lawyer-cum-lingerie models.

But, lacking the required self-discipline and rigour to achieve genuine success, it resorts to trying to convince itself that it is a part of elite society by ‘suiting up’ once in a while for a major event such as the Melbourne Cup, a wedding or its little sister’s deb ball. This also allows the bogan the opportunity to do two things it likes very much: pretend it is a celebrity at a red carpet event; and use the phrase ‘suit up’.

Men’s formal wear is traditionally worn in a conservative, understated fashion, seeking to subtly connote traits such as respect, confidence and power. But that stuff is for poofs. The bogan is not conservative or understated, and seeks to convey an image of maxtreme human billboard branding at all times. As Armani is yet to produce a suit conspicuously splashed with logos and bogan slogans, the bogan male has had to find other ways to signpost its alpha-consumer status when suiting up.

The bogan believes that it must wear the most conspicuous version of what everyone else is wearing. If everyone is wearing Ray Bans, it must have fluorescent yellow Ray Bans, if everyone has Dunlop Volleys, it must have Australian flag-decorated Volleys with fluorescent yellow laces. This has led to the bogan remixing its formal attire into an eye-jarringly garish combination of garments consisting of: black suit, black shirt, white “crocodile skin” shoes, shiny silver tie, topped off by an enormous pair of European designer sunglasses. Of course, the occasional bogan is a cunning creature, and the possibilities are nearly limitless, including brightly coloured suits, suits with numbers on them, or suits that appear paint-splashed. The end result is an awkwardly clad creature that looks somewhere between a confused penguin and an ill-assembled piano.

At the conclusion of a night’s formal festivities, the piano-penguin bogan male has lured a shiny orange female bogan, shoes in hand, back to its lair. He is horrified when she asks him to suit up.


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262 responses

20 05 2010
Ghengis of Coles Gungahlin

Finally. It took longer than waiting to be served at my work. [/sarcasm]

20 05 2010
betterthantheoriginalwally

The fake suit from that Asian country I went to still has the Boss tag on the cuff. If I rub my chin enough, Tiffanah will notice it. Then she will think I am the Boss. Doubt if I will buy another of those Martini drinks, weak woggy crap if you ask me…

20 05 2010
miss dahl

Wearing a brand label on the cuff of a coat or suit is the apex of boganry. I mean I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been on public transport or walking around the city and have seen this. How stupid do you have to be if you don’t have the sense to remove the label from a sleeve (it’s like the slip-stitched pockets on coats or suits, you are meant to remove the stitching) then they have no business buying new clothes!

20 05 2010
Edward Esq.

Sorry Miss Dahl but I have to disagree with you. You are spot on regarding the labels but wrong with the stitched pockets. They are meant to remain stitched. Otherwise the fasion conscious bogan would be tempted to deposit his latest iphone, ipod and iwallet in the outer pocket of his suit. This would ultimately ruin the suit’s fit and the way the suit falls and make it look ill fitted and bulky. But maybe this is just the intention of the bogan – however most certainly not for the style conscious sophisticated European.

Actually, Edward, we’ll have to contradict you there. “Many jackets come with the pockets sewn shut, and while it is generally better to open them, those who have difficultly remembering what to avoid may find it beneficial to leave them unopened.” From an esteemed source. TBL

20 05 2010
miss dahl

Now, I’m only going to say this once, so pay attention: just because there are pockets in a blazer, doesn’t mean you have to stuff in everything plus the kitchen sink! iPhones & wallet go into internal blazer breast pockets – one on either side. The hip-length blazer pockets are basically for looks alone or for sliding in one’s hand when posing nonchalantly for a photo!

22 06 2010
LouLou

And hence why one must unpick the stitching..

20 05 2010
Phil

Or what about using the phase ‘spiffy suit’? Drives me insane!

20 05 2010
Phil

Finally!

While marching at the Brsbane Anzac day parade, I saw a young bogan marching with an overly stripped, ill fitting suit matched with white “crocodile skin” shoes.

Whoever they were marching for didn’t deserve to be remembered this way, it was a horrific site.

20 05 2010
Page Hermit

BAH!

20 05 2010
Phil

If you think the Melbourne cup is a bogan deb ball then try the Geelong cup. Fat ‘blokes’ in suits at least 1 size too big, fluro colored suits and big collered shirts like they wore in the 70’s (inspired by underbelly?).
I’ve also noticed bogans like to wear their spiffy suits with trainers?? All of them. Does anyone have an explanation for this?

20 05 2010
Bogue

I noticed a particularly garish display for cup day, after playing a show at The Nash with my band…one of the band members had to take a photo to believe what he was seeing. I didn’t need to, the scene is still burnt into my retinas.

20 05 2010
Beccie

The Geelong bogan is a special yet thriving breed which specialises in glassing. The trainers are for eluding the local divvy van.

20 05 2010
ozFinn

Well if the trainers were Converse Chuck Taylors then they’re less likely to be Bogan than they are likely to be a Doctor Who fan… The suit and Chucks look being favoured by David Tennant…

20 05 2010
pb

so will we soon see fans of the new matt smith doctor getting around in tweed jackets with bow ties?

20 05 2010
JimmyMac

It takes effort and a sense of syle to learn how to tie a bow tie properly, so I wouldn’t expect to see anything except a clip-on p.o.s. on a bogynn.

20 05 2010
Shirley M

And a look I am very much in favour of.

20 05 2010
brad

maybe its a result of GFC

20 05 2010
miss dahl

Bad taste?

21 05 2010
TheMon

Not sure when the trainers with suits trend began but it is definitely bogan couture & worn across this country daily. I recently saw a picture of Mick Jagger dressed this way. Does this make him a rich old bogan?

20 05 2010
CoffeeSnob

Neglected was the oversize belt buckle al la a Texas oil magnate.

And make sure you do up ALL the buttons on your coat boys, that’s why they’re there, helps to emphasise the size of your collective beer guts.

20 05 2010
Valo

Especially gangsta style, US dollar bills, gun chambers or spinner belt buckles. ‘Gotta keep it rool, aye.’

24 05 2010
mimi

showing your age there – you must mean “aiight” not “aye”
i am not ashamed for knowing rap culture.

20 05 2010
Glass 'em all

“The end result is an awkwardly clad creature that looks somewhere between a confused penguin and an ill-assembled piano.”

Classic!

20 05 2010
Jason

Agreed…I think I might stop laughing at this brilliant metaphor next Tuesday sometime. Maybe.

20 05 2010
Jay

Hahaha – that’s the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. I just laughed out loud at work. Now they’re wondering what I’m up to :-P

20 05 2010
Bogue

I’m thinking of my polyester purple wood-grain suit and chuckling quietly to myself. I may have to visit my local dentist for a teeth whitening before they resemble piano keys however.

20 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Bogue, say it aint so!! Purple wood grain?!! WTF! That must be maxxxtreme Supa Bogan!

20 05 2010
Bogue

Oh no…well, I hope not. The difference is, being bereft of muscles, I’m quite thin. So, the suit is as ‘stovepipe’ as it gets. For a bogan to wear such a suit, it would have to be about 5 sizes bigger and ‘complimented’ with extremely long Crocodile skin shoes.

I attracted a small crowd of fascinated Japanese students the last time I wore it, and every bogan in Adelaide has called me a faggot at least once for wearing it.

20 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

I don’t think you’re a bogan, Bogue, I just couldn’t get the image out of my head that you looked like a purple bench top. BUT, if it actually fits you (deffo not bogan) and you can pull it off, I say excellent choice. If an Adelaide bogan was calling you a “pooftah” then it certainly isn’t bogan.

20 05 2010
James Hunter

wonder if he bought it for ? a funeral, ? a wedding ? a dare ?

20 05 2010
Bag O'Turnips

I have a problem with bogues who try to pull off a certain look, which frustrates me some, as I myself like to dress snappily, sometimes, yes, in vivid colours and at times with aforementioned pointy shoes.

Alas, I have been doing this for years; this is my signature look and have the personality and panache to pull it off successfully. The colours may be loud, but never discordant. I had taken some of my cues from Split Enz, ca. 1979-80, as well as Mod elements from the mid-60s. And I simply am not a bogan, just because I believe that men should not always be confined to muted tones nor supposedly “masculine” colours.

And except in the context of perhaps a dare, any bogan worth their (alleged) cred would not comfortably wear any hue from violet to pink (except for one or two Bundy swillers, who then gladly ditched the rose tones once the ad campaign had run its course). Unlike a bogan, I can, while ignoring verbal jeers by them, thus I rest my case.

20 05 2010
T-ra

…”the piano-penguin bogan male has lured a shiny orange female bogan, shoes in hand, back to its lair”…Now that line made me laugh out loud!

I think this post touches on another bogan male habit…the need for a gang attending the football, the cricket, a country race day or some other event to all ‘dress’ the same! Not necessarily in suit, but say all wearing the same hawaiian shirt and sombrero ensemble, all dying their hair in the team colour and attempting to establish themselves as the ‘cool kids’ in the stands…talking up how next year they are going to go one better and get themselves a beer wench!

20 05 2010
Brimstone

yeah, that never happens iwth other groups/subcultures. when i go out to gigs all my friends are wearing DIFFERENT band shirts and Converse

where does the hipster fedora/suit jacket combo fit in here? it’s kinda been adapted by some bogans too but i dig it

20 05 2010
Bogue

Fedoras remind me of The Audreys…it makes me angry.

20 05 2010
James

On a recent visit to Russell Hill to deliver a seminar, I saw a flock of Defence Department bogans getting around in suits with fedora hats. I thought for a moment they were smuggling alcohol, and half expected them to shoot up an old Ford with their tommy guns before I remembered where I was.

20 05 2010
pb

depends what the fedora is worn with. garish suit = bogan. jeans t-shirt and suit jacket (in a normal colour) = hipster. colour fedora = bogan.

20 05 2010
Bogue

The mere sight of them is bound to make me angry, given the three options your presented.

20 05 2010
Brimstone

i do the jeans/band shirt/fedora combo

20 05 2010
James Hunter

brimstone,
dont yanks go for tartan suits ?

20 05 2010
vivisection

Like Rodney Dangerfield – ” Hey did somebody step on a duck or what”

20 05 2010
Shirley M

Love the picture, TBL, and the caption more so. It’s always the bogan you would least want to look at that draws your attention to it in the most offensive of ways. Where does one even buy a lime green suit?

20 05 2010
Lachlan

There is a store on Rathdowne St, North Carlton (Vic) that is currently selling “Coloured Suits $150″, featuring a hideous red suit in a big display in the window. It warms my heart every time I pass by. I can’t wait to see the streams of NaB’s flocking there during the Bogue-Approved Racing weeks.

20 05 2010
vivisection

I used to walk past that shop every day and smile at the horror! I often wondered who would waste $150 on those hideous ensembles!

20 05 2010
Michael

I love that shop! I have friends who live just around the corner and walk Past it frequently. We always have a laugh at a dear friend who would love the shop and all its wares. The poor fella, who is bogue chic and rocked a pair of mustard coloured pants to our year twelve formal…. along with a blue? strip? in his hair…

20 05 2010
Benjamin

Like publicity, it appears that there is no such thing as “bad” attention anymore.

I weep for the future of humanity.

20 05 2010
James

At least you have your faith to console you Benji. Spare a thought for the faithless…

20 05 2010
Tombarina

TBL, some excellent points on suitin’ up, but an unforgivable oversight re THE key accessory.

The bogan fears naught – including melanoma. Dismissing the mad ravings of medical researchers and their bull$ht claims of a link between the sun and sun cancers, the bronzed Aussie bogue is usually hatless – unless it is wearing a cheap suit in a lurid tone with ill-chosen footwear for a classy day out at the races.

This is when it reaches for that special item to truly set off its sartorial splendour – a fedora or trilby. The bogan fervently believes this particular style of headwear lends its entire ensemble a certain je ne sais quoi. Neither fedora nor trilby is burdened by a usefully-wide, sun-blocking p00fterish brim, thereby enabling the bogan to maintain its maXXXtreme melanoma-defying posturing.

But the hat looks cool’n’that and holds an inexplicable allure for the tangerine-hued racegoing femmebogue who, after 17 Cruisers, will approach the male of the species and appropriate his headwear. This will bond the pair for life – or, at least for the evening – which predictably concludes with #124, hat still in situ.

20 05 2010
Brimstone

man i wear a fedora. but i think it makes me look like a wanker. so i left it at home when i went to Soundwave… one one of the hottest days of the year. had to buy another hat

mine’s gray, wide brim, breathes well… but still

http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uua4Mm6Fp

20 05 2010
Tombarina

You’ll NEVER make ‘bogue’, Brim. The bogan fears NOT the sun’s fierce
rays, nor acknowledges the heat.

If girly respite must be sought from the blazing midday sun, only three acceptable shielding options exist – a Taiwanese-made sombrero, a Chinese-made ‘Strayan flag, or a hollowed-out watermelon.

20 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Tombarina, you’re on fire today!!!

20 05 2010
Benjamin

Agreed. What do you do for a crust Tombarina? I fear that whatever you are doing, it is a waste of your abilities.

20 05 2010
JimmyMac

You forgot the hollowed out cardboard box that the slab of beers came in.

20 05 2010
Tombarina

Egad. You’re right.

P!nky, Benj, you’re too kind. *blushes girlishly, bats eyelids*

20 05 2010
Sten

Excellent work, Tombarina.

For the record, I used to wear a Fedora, until the Bogues and wanker Hipsters started wearing them. Now it just sits atop my bookcase, gathering dust until the day it falls out of fashion again.

5 06 2010
Mick

Now I’m confused. I am looking at buying an old Studebaker Golden Hawk and the trilby or fedora was to be part of my ensemble, as well as the jacket with patched elbows and briar pipe.

I have to reconsider now.

20 05 2010
David

Too lazy to find the appropriate post, so I’ll just put it here:

http://www.news.com.au/national/janette-wingrave-is-y-mad-just-ask-her-kids/story-e6frfkvr-1225868902220

Probably post it in the Baby Names section. TBL

20 05 2010
Robbie

I love the website http://www.eleganza-menswear.com.au, especially the ‘beige collection’ lol
One of the most bogue things I have seen…do they have a factory outlet in Penrith???

20 05 2010
20 05 2010
Glass 'em all

Er… the word “formal” seems to have changed its meaning somewhat.

20 05 2010
vivisection

AAAAAAHH Chinchilla has an Emo!

20 05 2010
Shirley M

I’m generally a pacifist, but I hope someone knocked some sense into that horrid little Chinchilla boy for his own good. And if I know Chinchilla, there’s every chance they did.

20 05 2010
Tombarina

Knowing Chinchilla, I’m betting the local emo has fled to Toowoomba. I’m told Roma’s entire emo populaton did. In a Barina, since there were only two of them.

Uber-eyeliner and heavy black trenchcoats are strangely incompatible with the Western Queensland uniform of Wrangler jeans, pig-ugly check shirt and a belt buckle you could serve a Thanksgiving turkey on.

20 05 2010
Shirley M

Apparently Cairns houses a substantial Goth population, so much so it considers itself to be the goth capital of QLD. I’ve not been to Cairns so have not witnessed myself, but I am acquainted with a (yodelling) goth lady who dwells there. Perhaps in more recent times, Cairns has also opened its arms to the goth’s pathetic little emo brothers and sisters.

A side note, I wondered how the goths could live in such a humid climate, but was informed that it’s actually perfect, because everywhere is air conditioned, and goths never hang about outdoors anyway.

20 05 2010
Tombarina

Krazy!

Big props, then, to the tenacity of Brisbane’s young goths and gothettes, who can be seen in the balmy December weather at the Albert St intersection of the Queen Street Mall, eyeliner running like Victoria Falls. They’re all on the verge of fatal heatstroke – no wonder they look so miserable…..

20 05 2010
vivisection

I knew all the goths on Mackay back in the day, all 5 of them! Very hard to pull that look off when Country Fosseys and Best in Less is the last word in fashion… But much can be achieved with Rit dye, an eyeliner and a fast running speed.

20 05 2010
brad

Did they all live in Emeo?

20 05 2010
vivisection

Some at Mt Pleasant!

20 05 2010
James Hunter

used to be pleanty in Adelaide, they even had a couple of exclusive night clubs.

20 05 2010
Shirley M

Many years ago I was courted by a young Brisbane goth who went by the name of Vlad. Poor souls real name was Wally, which completely validated his adopted moniker, despite the hilarity it offered myself and other non-goths. He requested I meet him in the city one day, and naturally, we met outside Hungry Jacks. It was the middle of summer and he was sporting a full length Elizabethan-esque purple velvet coat, Black pants with almost knee-high black boots, a white, puffy, frilly, high-necked shirt, a top hat and a cane. I had suspected he was insane, and obviously this meeting substantiated my theory. I never saw him again. Mind you, I avoided the Albert St intersection of the Queen St mall for a long time to come.

20 05 2010
Benjamin

Perhaps they’re like huskies. All the fur provides insulation against both heat and cold. Add in some acclimation, and there you go.

20 05 2010
vivisection

I love finding out the real name. Cracks me up every time – there is a distinct correlation to the ordinariness of the birth name and the number of vowels, silent letters and triteness in the chosen name. Andrea = Aowynne…..

Having been a goth (or swampy) in Brisbane – over 20 years ago now, I know exactly what you are saying regarding the insanity / commitment it required to persevere ! It’s just not a sensible tropical look at all. Still, the rest of Qld has yet to find a sensible tropical look that isn’t generally hideous either :)

20 05 2010
Shirley M

True that, Viv. I was mortified when I moved here circa 13 years ago to find that men went shopping in supermarkets in nothing but budgie smugglers and thongs. Men in sarongs is also a rising trend up this way. Well, in West End, anyway.

20 05 2010
pb

people go to supermarkets in budgie smugglers in queensland? no wonder i’ve avoided the place. although i did once see a um, rather rotund and very hairy man walking along george street in nothing but a gold speedo. scary scary site.

20 05 2010
pb

should say sight, obviously.

20 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ Viv, LMAO – well said!

20 05 2010
Johnny

Vivisection I was wondering if you can tell me what happened to the Goths that used to sit on top of that carpark entrance on Adelaide St. Five or ten years they used to be there all the time but now I don’t see them anywhere. Did they all grow up and move on from loitering without any younger goths to replace them? Or did they not want to be associated with emos and stop dressing like that?

20 05 2010
vivisection

I don’t know where they are now – i think most are probably married, found fundamentalism or in colder climes. You have a very good point about not wanting to look like an emo these days. I still resent them when i see what they’ve done !

20 05 2010
Antosha

Top Hat and cane! Fantastic! 10 points for effort and devotion !!

Regarding suits.. ALAS… I look forward to days when I don’t have to wear them.

20 05 2010
Shirley M

We looked a very odd couple. I embraced the Seattle grunge look at the time, if I recall correctly.

20 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

they only come out at night Shirley.

Emo’s!! they shit me too no end.

20 05 2010
James Hunter

bob hope said” the lady walked into the room wearing a chinchilla coat….it went from her chin to her chilla” boom boom

20 05 2010
Sheikyerbouti

Correlation between ethnicity and horrendous taste?!

20 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

*vomit* What’s with the hot pink suit. I need to go take some maxalon…to stop the vomiting…

20 05 2010
Lachlan

I think wikipedia neatly sums up the Bogues attraction to wearing anything containing Microfibre. What a maxxxtreme fabric, much better than wool or cotton.
“Microfibre textiles tend to be flammable and emit toxic gases when burning.They are made with synthetic fibers such as polyester and nylon which are made from petrochemicals. Microfibers are not made from a renewable resource and are not biodegradable.”

20 05 2010
amr

Coloured collection? wtf?

20 05 2010
Tombarina

Oh, sweet baby Jesus and all the little orphans….

And, as a proud born-and-bred Queenslander, I’m truly sorry to see home-state bogues so heavily represented in the photo gallery. I’d say “over-represented”, but that would be untrue.

*glasses monitor*

20 05 2010
Benjamin

Glassing glass?

20 05 2010
James

A maxxxtreme glassing, unless the screen is LCD…

20 05 2010
Benjamin

I thought LCD’s still had a (thin) glass substrate. Could be wrong though.

I was also wondering if you glass glass, is it akin to crossing the streams?

20 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

a la Ghostbusters? LOL

20 05 2010
Tombarina

Kids, I’ve overextended myself.

I’ve just discovered it’s hard to glass in an office environment. For starters, there were no schooners or half-empty Cruiser bottles on hand, so I had to use a coffee cup.

And my screen’s made of plastic. All in all, an underwhelming experience.

20 05 2010
vivisection

Still Tombarina , your a pioneer in the field of glassing development. Stay calm and carry on.

20 05 2010
vivisection

“you’re”

20 05 2010
Bogue

Perhaps try tipping a cup of International Roast into your keyboard? The office environments alternative to glassing an inanimate object.

20 05 2010
vivisection

I like that, “passive glassing”

20 05 2010
Benjamin

Unfortunately this won’t do the trick in this instance.

She wished to glass the image of the bogues on her monitor, so destroying a keyboard probably doesn’t express her frustration enough.

Perhaps picking up the keyboard and thwacking the display would help.

It’s all in the follow through.

20 05 2010
pb

tombarina, we praise you for being at the vanguard of glassing. it may not have worked, but your pioneering spirit is to be praised.

20 05 2010
Tombarina

Thank you, all.

I’ve settled for wildly flinging empty paper cups at a whiteboard while wearing a crazed expression. No one can hear me…..

20 05 2010
big_baggies

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/secret-police-report-exposes-gang-fears-as-open-warfare-erupts/story-e6frf7jo-1225868879397

are you having a go at Asians here ??
They love a bit of glassing….”GREATER use of glass and knives in attacks.”

awww, looks like it isnt just your beloved bogues doing the much imagined “glassing cunts” every 4 minutes.Looks like the Asians like a bit of glassing too…..looks like you made need to find a new and interesting cliche.

20 05 2010
vivisection

Who says these Asians can’t be bogans? Bogans come in all colours and creeds.

20 05 2010
Shirley M

Hi Big Fat Floppy Jaloppies!

Guess what? Asians can BE bogans! Fancy that?

20 05 2010
James

Was a name for an Asian bogan ever settled? I for one tend to favour Bogasians.

20 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Bogians?

20 05 2010
vivisection

Boganese?

20 05 2010
James

I thought perhaps Asbo but that already means something.

20 05 2010
vivisection

Asbogian has a ring to it. South-East Asbogian….

20 05 2010
toony

…of which all bogans should be subjected to…

20 05 2010
SD

We did once think of setting up a blog of a fictitious Bogan Singh documenting the lows and lows of Indian bogans.

IMO, the children of immigrants are the most bogan when it comes to suiting up. Nary a day goes past for me without being in the company of people tweezed, primped and plucked to an inch and kitted out in expensive approximations of uncomfortable looking city wear-on all occassions. Helmet hair is de rigueur.

It’s as if the hipster gene only emerges after a few generations.

20 05 2010
vivisection

I think I met Bogan Singh and Co at an afternoon BBQ a few years ago. They were having their own street dancing comp in the corner of the yard. Breakin’ it down to some RnB in the hood- I think it was in Dandenong. And it wasn’t good 60’s RnB, it was Craig David.

20 05 2010
Shirley M

I’m with you James.

26 05 2010
Hmm

@vivi
Dandenong? More likely to be Srilankan than Indian.

20 05 2010
big_baggies

oh bollocks, the unspoken demographic is the Anglo Australian that is attacked.That is underlined by the endless references to “but the bogue has trouble with the concept of multiculturalism ” & the “nationalistic tendencies” references in nearly every topic.Also Anglo Australian culture is the one always being attacked & questioned.

If it really is about bogans of all colours and creeds then where are the racially specific “bogan” behaviours of Aboriginals, Asians and Africans mentioned ?

20 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Here we go again. Give it up Floppy.

20 05 2010
James

Do you mean to say that Asians and others can not adopt the boganic tendencies of predominantly Anglo Australians? I see it quite a lot, personally. In fact, I would say the number of non-Anglo bogan is rising exponentially.

Also, if the behaviours were racially specific, they would no longer be bogan, as the latter transcends race and creed. Bogan is as bogan does.

20 05 2010
big_baggies

That’s why this site is a copy of “stuff white people like” ?

uhuh….

Face it, it is about playing up every negative cliche there is about white Australia.

20 05 2010
James Hunter

yo talk like yo got some colour gal

20 05 2010
James

If that’s how you see it, I guess I can not convince you otherwise. I don’t split behaviours into races or ethnicities like that myself, and call them how I see them. I have met Indian bogans (bhogans), Lebanese bogans (logans), Greek bogans, Aboriginal bogans, Asian bogans, white bogans, and even a Jewish bogan (once). That is one of the true strengths of our nation – our ability to take people from all over the world, and make them bogans. And then look down on them…

20 05 2010
big_baggies

The new bogan is a beacon of tolerance. This comes from the brief association with a person from a different country/race/religion at the local Thai or Chinese take away, the ostracised work colleague, or the evening spent on the Woodies with a mate’s girlfriend’s friend’s Asian friend. Thus, in the event of a discussion relating to racism, aboriginals or Asian drivers, the bogan is all knowing.”

From the “Im not racist but.,….” topic.A look at all the topics and the burden is CLEARLY on white Australia.I have not seen any examples being made of Asians or anyone else.In fact just the above blurb indicates this is not about “all races and creeds” but just one in particular.

National demographics would suggest that the majority of bogans are white, but we do not suggest that all bogans are white. There’s no reason why the statement you quoted from us can’t apply to an indigenous bogan making race-based generalisations about Asians or other minorities. TBL

20 05 2010
vivisection

James, don’t forget the New Zealand Bogans aka Richard Wilkins’

20 05 2010
James

Raises an interesting question viv. I assume New Zealand has their own word for bogan, but once on New Zealand bogan comes here, does the New Zealand word cease to apply?

20 05 2010
James

Indeed TBL. My Southeast Asian sister in law (thoroughly bogan – you should have seen her wedding) often makes racist remarks about Filipinos and Indonesians. She denies it is racist though, because she is Southeast Asian too.

20 05 2010
vivisection

James , if a bogan falls in the forrest and nobody hears it…. kind of quandry

20 05 2010
SD

big_baggies, it’s my observation that it takes only a few generations before people are all like FOWrF. They don’t even want people from the very nations they came from.

20 05 2010
big_baggies

Then maybe you should listen.

20 05 2010
SD

Oh dear, the classic Oz bogan response of “why don’t you leave then”? On the presumption that everyone here is like dying to stay on here. Dont’cha worry big baggies, I have no plans to stay here-as a matter of fact I am here on a work invite and not via immigration intake.

Bhogans – love it!

Vivisection, Dandenongs, R&B is like 200% Indian bogans!

20 05 2010
Shirley M

If you go through the entire list, I think you will find that most of the posts are relevant to bogans of all races. Some of them target males, some target females and yes, some target white Australians. It is, afterall, Australia that we live in, and there are a lot of white people here.

20 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ James
“That is one of the true strengths of our nation – our ability to take people from all over the world, and make them bogans. And then look down on them…”

Possibly one of the greatests truths of our country, and so beautifully put James.

**ROUND OF APPLAUSE**

@ SD
When you do get to leave, it will be our loss. People like floppy are so stupid that they bare no consideration. I mean all non- indigenous Australian’s are immigrants. So they should just shut the f**k up, and go to Bali, or preferably Thailand.
:D

20 05 2010
SD

Thanks P!nky!

Luckily it’s all been good – I have hardly met any floppies in my time here (real world + online):-).

20 05 2010
brad

Indigenous Australians are immigrants too,they arrived a lot earlier thats all,i have been informed by people in the know that many of them got lost fishing ha ha

20 05 2010
Tubesteak

The bogan will pair the suit with:
1) a one-toned coloured shirt usually dark blue, red or grey
2) the only formal looking pair of shoes it owns being a chunky pair of shoes that a lesbian would be proud of because dress shoes such as loafers are for poofs – or it may go for the garish white crocodile skin shoes as mentioned

20 05 2010
pulang

Yes, the fedoras! They are just as popular with bogan teenagers as they are with men double their age (or more). Perhaps they are so popular because they’re easily accessible from one’s local Westfield shopping centre Jay-Jays and the like?

20 05 2010
Brimstone

what about wannabe hipsters/art kids? i love my fedora. and my wanker beret

http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uua4Mm6Fp

20 05 2010
Gregbie

You need more to complete the look. Such as a fixie bike with postcards/flyers in the spokes.

20 05 2010
James Hunter

brimstone,
a beret?
you sir have just elevated yoursel above yankdom.
My fav beret is a black sequined one which i wear with my fox skin waist jacket. (no a single acrylic was harmed in the making of this clothing)

20 05 2010
Othello Cat

The fedora has now gone bogue? And is available at JayJays?!

*looks forlornly at pristine, unworn 1950’s Stetson fedora in orginal hatbox*

20 05 2010
Gavin

Absolute gold!! If only TBL had a larger word limit, I would have loved to have read about the bogues run the same white snakeskin shoes (maybe matching white belt) who neglect the suit jacket and choose to wear an outrageously pastel long sleeve shirt, sleeves rolled up, top 4 buttons undone with collar popped instead..

20 05 2010
Sten

Don’t get me started on popped collars. Scalding and unmitigated is the hatred I feel for those who sport that “style”.

22 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ Sten,

F*cking “Pop-Tops” I wont get started either…

20 05 2010
h

haha. You have certainly made my morning. Don’t forget that so many of them are copying Barney from How I Met Your Mother.

20 05 2010
Guido

Except Barney actually wears a suit properly, viz, tailored, white shirt and a conservative tie.

As a matter of fact, its less effort to do properly. Which is surprising given the bogan’s aversion to effort.

20 05 2010
Rob the Law Student

And it’s not like getting a suit fitted costs that much either.

I’m constantly amused by the foolish young bogues who actually go out dressed in their illfitting, twenty dollar Lowe’s suits thinking they look cool n’ classy n’ shit.

There are nerd bogans, right?

20 05 2010
Geekatron

Yeah I keep accidentally dating bogan nerds.

I briefly dated a physicist who used to write abusive letters to the local newspaper nitpicking their spelling and grammar. He played D&D, wouldn’t let me throw away any broken electronics, sang in a choir. Total frikkin nerd!

He started annoying me when I realised he was watching AFL and drinking VB. He had this whole story about how it was a classy, culturally appropriate way to behave.

Another ex – IT professional who can make iphones, game consoles, etc do anything they’re not supposed to and is the go-to guy for 0-day releases. Has tribal tattoos from Bangkok, loves suiting up, drives a Commodore, hates the way I “talk down to him” (by talking the same way I talk all the time).

Most recent ex – depressed and tortured writer, sci-fi fan, totally into obscure pop-culture literature… who wears flannel.

Bogan nerds are a confusing complication of identity crisis and depression. They tend to be nerds who boganise in an attempt to fit in.

20 05 2010
Benjamin

“Bogan nerds are a confusing complication of identity crisis and depression. They tend to be nerds who boganise in an attempt to fit in.”

Very insightful. Also sad and troubling.

25 05 2010
Peggsy

Thank you for sharing this. How funny. Better luck next time!

20 05 2010
James

I think that the “Milhouse” distinction comes into play here. Bogans are anti-intellectual, thus smart nerds are unlikely to be bogans. But as Milhouse from the Simpsons once noted, not all nerds are smart, some are just nerds…

20 05 2010
Shirley M

My next door neighbour is a nerd bogan. I’ll try to snap a covert photo of him and post it here for you all to behold.

20 05 2010
brad

“Bogan nerds”-ha ha ha this site just keeps morphing,have an old friend who fits this bill too a tee.Electronics/computer wiz,who still pulls billys like a 16 yr old behind Seven Eleven and suits up at any given oppurtunity eg;attending home and away AFL game with prize seats in lower terrace of the Southern Stand.

20 05 2010
vivisection

Don’t bogan nerds also make drugs in dodgy home labs?

20 05 2010
brad

Oh yeh,the fringe benefits that “clubs” provide can be quite persuasive for your average nerbo,although judging from some samples i have partaken in(purely scientific research) i think your run of the mill patch member must also have a crack at it.(possibly when nerbo is enjoying fringe benefits)

20 05 2010
west_melb_antibogan

God this blog is depressing.

How bogans have destroyed every annual event is a travesty. Thinking that by putting on their discounted cheap suit will deliver them some sort of gravitas, while at the same time acting like the uncouth idiots they are, just fills me full of loathing.

Speaking of debs, my daughter had hers a couple of weeks back, and while everyone was well behaved, including her teenage mates, the organisers had very tight security on hand.

Apparently many a parnet gets royally pissed and starts fights. A kids deb. Seriously.

20 05 2010
west_melb_antibogan

A parnet, BTW S/be parent.

20 05 2010
Sibyl Ince

Straya has debutante balls? WTF could there possibly be to be presented to?

Or is it just a case of teenaged daughters making their fully-clothed debut?

20 05 2010
Valo

I’d wager most people have no idea of the history of debutante balls. Parents and friends see an excuse to get dressed up and smashed, and the participants see the excuse for the sick after party where they hope to get undressed and smashed.

20 05 2010
Tombarina

Straya certainly DOES have deb balls. Usually in provincial or country towns. They’re single-handedly keeping the snowy-white taffeta industry ticking over.

20 05 2010
vivisection

Every one of these small towns has the local seamstress who earns a living whipping up cream puff taffeta deb dresses (and bridesmaid and school formal dresses). My older sisters formal dress – back in 1988 is a hilarious monstrosity of lavender taffeta, leg of mutton sleeves, rouching, baby’s breath and satin bows. I’m sure the woman who made it still use sthe same pattern.

Their should be a coffee table photo book on the subject ” Debs, Proms and Connubials”, complete with photos of the grass stains that inevitably occur post function.

20 05 2010
James

Mine happened in Toowoomba, and I have still to this day not seen so much hair standing in unnatural ways, or fake tan as I did that terrible, terrible night.

20 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

and some inner city schools, believe it or not.

20 05 2010
Benjamin

From Wikipedia. “A cotillion or débutante ball in the United States is a formal presentation of young ladies, débutantes, to “polite society”.”

Perhaps this is still true, and the definition of “formal”, “lady” and “polite society” have changed.

20 05 2010
Benjamin

I mean no offense to you and your daughter, West Melbourne Antibogue

20 05 2010
Shirley M

I grew up in a country town and the deb ball was a BIG deal. I personally refused to participate in what I considered to be an antiquated and obsolete event, but most of my friends did. I think there is 3 main reasons why. Firstly, there’s f*ck all else to get excited about, you get to wear a ‘pretty’ dress and you get to ask a boy to accompany you.

20 05 2010
Tombarina

Geez, Shirl. Next thing you’ll be saying you never entered Miss (town) Showgirl, Queen of the Outback, Miss Rodeo or Girl in a Million.

20 05 2010
Shirley M

No Tombarina, I did none of those things. I did, however, as a wee lass, enter the RSL clubs annual talent quest and came runner up with a very enthusiastic rendition of ‘Bound for Botany Bay’.

20 05 2010
Tombarina

“Singin’ toorali, oorali, addity,
Singin’ tooarli, oorali, ay….”

Luvverly!

20 05 2010
A-Bomb

Deb Balls aren’t just for country folk. I used to work at a function centre in Eastern Melbourne that had a deb ball every weekend, usually Friday and Saturday nights.
Working here was what first drew my attention to the CUB

20 05 2010
west_melb_antibogan

yes certainly there are plenty of bogan debs conducted.

My daughters was very well organised, the kids practiced their dancing for months with their partners, all the kids, their partners and mates had a great time.

I was proud of how my daughter presented and conducted herself.

Maybe some of you here dont think teenagers should have a fun time. My daughters go to an all girls private school that doesn’t have formals.

So according to some the fine folk here all young debs are sluts and bogan.

Nice of you to attack a 16 y.o. girl and her friends (who are really lovely responsible teenagers) for having the temerity to actually think this was something they wanted to do.

Oh BTW, you are entitled to your opinions, how grossly ignorant, of what my daughter wanted to do. It is nothing like a US deb, or even a high formal British deb (which is only for the upper class), it is a time honoured tradition, not to be taken seriously, but to be enjoyed by kids, who are only young once.

20 05 2010
Tombarina

WMA-B, even if I wanted to have a shot at your daughter (which I don’t, and I’m not), I couldn’t – on the grounds of gross hypocrisy.

For I, too, partook in not one, but TWO deb balls – the school-affiliated one, then the Deb of the Year ball.

I wore a white taffeta number with enormous puffy sleeves and pearly detail and sported a lovely ringlet perm in a very high up-do and tastefully lurid eye makeup. The overall effect was that of a bridal cockatoo with an ar$e the size of Poland.

No photographic evidence exists…..

20 05 2010
Benjamin

No Photographic evidence exists eh?

I have a file in my cabinet that begs to differ.

$5000 in unmarked bills, to be dropped in a plain brown bag behind the big miners lamp in Lithgow. Chop chop.

20 05 2010
Tombarina

Benj, I’ll pay. ANYTHING!

(When my grandmother died, I actually stole the Deb Ball Formal Shot in the nice oval frame from her sideboard and destroyed it. That was the last known surviving item of incriminating evidence.)

20 05 2010
Benjamin

Don’t be too ashamed – These things remind us of how far we’ve come.

20 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Tombarina, you would have look HOT HOT HOT…was this the 80 per chance? hahahaha

20 05 2010
vivisection

No , just last year..:)

20 05 2010
vivisection

WMB : I don’t think anyone is personally attacking 16year old girls, least of all your daughter.
My own experience of deb balls comes from the 1980’s in country, regional nth QLD. The reality was back then was that if you put a bunch of country teenagers in a hall, pretty dresses or not, there was inevitably some kind of tawdry behaviour which the whole town was made aware of within 6 hours of the of occurring. Even, if nothing did happen (a rare occurrance) the other reality was that a rumour would be made up and spread around anyway.

I think for a lot of us who have commented, these events conjure up memories of small town living where teen girls were introduced to Bumpkin Society, in taffetta and at some point on her knees – either in the town’s overactive imaginations or sometimes reality.

Personally I find these towns and attitudes revolting. Hopefully they have changed, but i’m not going back to find out.

Always makes me laugh when people tell me they are looking for a tree change. if only they knew..

20 05 2010
Benjamin

I’ve lived away from the cities for the last four years, in a regional center.

It’s been peaceful, and the bogan population seem either fewer or less obvious. Either things have changed, or I’m lucky. Either way, it’s all good from here.

20 05 2010
Benjamin

Sorry – only the last 8 months or so in the regional center – prior to that, a small village.

20 05 2010
Benjamin

You originally hinted that there was a bogan contingent at this/similar balls, and my remarks were pointed toward that group.

I hope I didn’t cause offence.

20 05 2010
Shirley M

Definitely wasn’t having a go at your daughter WMA. While I personally think deb balls are meaningless in today’s society, I completely understand why young girls want to participate and I’m sure they all have a great time.

20 05 2010
Sibyl Ince

“It is a time honoured tradition, not to be taken seriously”

Well, which?

And why not just call it what it is, a ball or social. The entire reason for debs balls was to introduce the available young women to the available young men, with a view to making the best social, marital and business match possible. Those who really gained from any alliances or unions instigated at the functions were the parents, and their businesses.

20 05 2010
west_melb_antibogan

“It is a time honoured tradition, not to be taken seriously”

Well, which?

FFS can’t it be both?

My daughter did it off her own bat, organised the whole thing, got her partner to practice every Sunday night (although he is an elite swimmer who trains 7 days a week and is in the mix for th 2012 Olympics), got dressed up in a nice white dress, got presented, had a dance, had a great night, and has some nice memories.

Talk about dreary fun police. They dont have to conform to what you think should or should not be the social norms.

20 05 2010
Peter of Kensington

west_melb_antibogan,

“They dont have to conform to what you think should or should not be the social norms”

If you believe that, why are you on TBL? Have you not read any of this blog?

Let me get this straight, you happily patriciate in criticising the Bogan, but become defensive when your daughter falls victim to your own stereotyping? Superb.

20 05 2010
Jay

I grew up in regional Queensland and worked with a girl who, at one stage, was awarded the title of “Miss Poll Hereford” at the local show. Oh the fun we had with that one …..

20 05 2010
Tombarina

This is a bit eerie, Jay. For I knew Miss Brahman…..

20 05 2010
Jay

Are we, by any chance, thinking of the same place – i.e. Toowoomba? It seems to get a mention quite often here, as is only right and proper, being the Bogan hub that it is :-D

20 05 2010
James

We have more Toowoomba natives here than we realise I think – due in part no doubt to our reticence to admit that fact.

Perhaps we refugees, having experienced boganic ways so closely, are uniquely qualified to comment on the subject.

20 05 2010
west_melb_antibogan

Suck my balls Peter from Kensington.

Pole smokers like you who move into yuppiefied ex worker suburbs are worse that the worst bogan.

Tool.

21 05 2010
Peter of Kensington

“Suck my balls Peter from Kensington.

Pole smokers like you who move into yuppiefied ex worker suburbs are worse that the worst bogan.

Tool.”

west_melb_antibogan,

Not only do you become defensive when your own stereotyping backfires on your family, you resort to childish outbursts and name-calling when it is pointed out.

Add in your apparent homophobia and it paints a telling picture of your character. TBL at it’s finest….

21 05 2010
Tombarina

Miss Brahman was off a stud near Rocky – and to TBL-ers with no knowledge of rural matters or simply with naughty minds, “stud” in this context means a farm, not an individual.

But yep, I’m very familiar with Toowoomba – there was even a time when it embodied The Big Smoke in all its heady glamour on the grounds of having traffic lights, Maccas, a cinema and even (brace yourselves) SHOPS THAT OPENED AFTER 11AM ON SATURDAYS!

And while it’s true that it’s a bogan hub, T’ba manages to pull of the tricky double of also being a hub for hat-wearing Volvo-driving retirees from the sticks. This ungodly co-hubbing makes for interesting times at the traffic lights, one would think.

20 05 2010
Geekatron

I entered and WON miss teen showgirl in my little town of 1500 people. Yup I was a showgirl.

Didn’t bother with debutante ball though. I don’t dig balls, there’s something about the arbitrary yet oh so detailed ritual of it all that irks me.

20 05 2010
vivisection

A showgirl, like Nomi Malone “I am not a whore, i’m a dancer” !! Brilliant- i hope you still wear the sash everywhere.

20 05 2010
Tombarina

Viv, cease thee IMMEDIATELY casting nasturtiums about showgirls.

For I, too, was Miss Showgirl. Also Miss Personality.
And if my mother hadn’t rested on her laurels and had baked more stuff for the cakestalls she ran for my fundraising while I was off playing silly buggers with my friends, I’d have been Miss Charity, too.

So, Geekatron, I feel your pain. I share your burden. I understand your dirty little secret.

20 05 2010
Benjamin

Why not? If one is excited by showgirls, they may cast nasturtiums about in delighted abandon at the very thought.

Let them, I say.

20 05 2010
vivisection

I’m sorry, it’s just that Showgirls is an all time fav film of mine. I just assume that all showgirls rub ice on their nipples and have sex in swimming pools looking like baby wildebeest being dragged into the water by ravenous crocodiles.

21 05 2010
Tombarina

As far as I can recall, MY showgirl experience involved wearing clothes which would have been dismissed as “too conservative” by a dowager duchess, sashing livestock and serving tea to the Governor-General.

Admittedly, it was a long time ago, but I’m fairly certain I’d have remembered nuding up and slithering around a pole somewhere between judging Best Pumpkin Scone and draping a ribbon over the Hoof and Hook competition’s Reserve Champion Jap-Ox Carcase.

Bugger. Robbed.

21 05 2010
vivisection

Yes I expect you would remember. It’s not too late to do it all again though. Get out the titty tassles and use those Maxxtreme Lapole Dancing skills we’ve discussed. But dont neglect the pumpkin scones. A tasty pumpkin scone deserves reward.

21 05 2010
Benjamin

“serving tea to the Governor-General”

If that’s anything like “taking tea with the parson” then I think you qualify.

22 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

I love that movie..it is so stupid!

20 05 2010
BonoScotto

It is depressing but we are in Australia..one cannot hide or even get away from bogues, they’re everywhere and unfortunately living in such an isolated country – anything will be exposed to the bogan sooner rather than later. Once you find something you like or are into you must pray and hope that bogans are not exposed to it.

What a shithouse society austrayylia is.

20 05 2010
Brimstone

you’re all bogans

20 05 2010
James Hunter

Brimstone,
Just remember old chap, only Aussies can call us bogans. Wait till you are pasturised.

22 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Bogan tendencies is a different matter Brim! ;)

20 05 2010
Will S

Surely there’ll never be too many bogans in the libraries, the concert halls and the ivory towers?

20 05 2010
James

Very few in my ivory tower, at least.

20 05 2010
martin

You have to be rich to get away from them. But then you have to put up with wankers. Still, better than bogans.

20 05 2010
Bogue

Well, despite being a small island off the coast of Europe, the UK is not isolated, yet seasonal migrations of ‘chavs’ have invaded Spain, Portugal, Greece, Turkey and Munich (specifically) like an advancing hoard. There is no escaping the bogan, only the regional title is unique to us.

20 05 2010
Brimstone

nah, Australia is really isolated, so the whole place has a down-home, bogan feel

even the dark prince of my teenage years, Nick Cave, worked with Kylie

20 05 2010
big_baggies

which annual event would that be ?

20 05 2010
20 05 2010
Will S

Melbourne’s Asian gangs. Who are Asian. And contain Asian people. Who are criminals. Because they’re ASIAN.

Thanks Herald Sun

20 05 2010
Shirley M

I was just reading that and wondering when I was going to get to the useful information part of the story. The I realised it was a Herald Sun article. Silly me.

20 05 2010
Bogue

Secret Asians?

20 05 2010
vivisection

OMG, I might work with one? How can I tell? what should I do?

20 05 2010
Shirley M

Call the secret police! NOW!

20 05 2010
vivisection

I’m alert AND alarmed!!

20 05 2010
Shirley M

You forgot OUTRAGED!

20 05 2010
James Hunter

Stupid me should have thought of this earlier
Call Tony Abbott !!

20 05 2010
James Hunter

how do you find the secrete police to call them ??

20 05 2010
Shirley M

You call the regular police and they put you through, with much secrecy.

20 05 2010
vivisection

I’d tell you, but its a secret. Oh , what the hell, , I just sent out positive vibrations and visualised the Secret Police saving me from the marauding packs of glassing Secret Asian Gangs. I did have trouble visualising the Secret Asian Gangs, because I didn’t know what they looked like, until the Herald Sun reminded me that they were Asians. Then I got confused, alert, alarmed and more Outraged than usual.

20 05 2010
James

I love the comments on the story. So many call for these kids to be deported – we have come so far since 1788 that now the descendants of convicts want to deport today’s convicts.

22 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Thanks Will S, now I don’t have to read it! WOOT

20 05 2010
LT

The next Today Tonight “story”…

20 05 2010
Blueballs

The Warrnambool Standard recently ran a voters poll for the may race carnival ‘fashions on the field’ which exclusively featured bogans in cheap suits and white shoes, slags in dresses more at home on the red carpet of adult entertainment awards and the ubiquitous bogue-in-a-bright-suit and fat old boilers in maternity muumuus. Even the local fashion designer (I swear to god, I’m not making that up!) looked like a fem-bogue. I think the first prize was a gift voucher at Kmart!

I’d bag out the bogue-in-a-bright suit crew more, but since there’s a spiffy Pakistani-bespoke purple 3-piece number and matching fedora styled in the fashion of a stereotypical pimp in my wardrobe that I wear on ‘special occasions’ i.e. when instructed by my masters to abide to a certain dress code at work events that I’d rather not go to or in contempt of, rugby club functions and/or fancy dress parties at embassies, my hypocrisy will only go so far!

20 05 2010
Tombarina

Blueballs, I salute you. If one must wear a naaasty suit, one may as well go the whole hog and model oneself on Huggie Bear (as played by Snoop Dogg).

I only hope you have a natty bling-topped cane to round out this heinous ensemble.

20 05 2010
Blueballs

My only regret regarding this ensemble is that I passed on a full length fur coat in Kabul for $80…

20 05 2010
Valo

The bogues shirt is often as ill fitting as the suit, however where the suit is too big, the shirt is too small. I’ve been to a few weddings where the ill fitting shirt has caused bogue jowls to hang over the collar, the face of the bogue getting redder and redder due to lack of proper circulation, which also makes the oversized white rimmed sunglasses even more garish.

20 05 2010
Tombarina

The bogan wedding is indeed a spectacle of the wrong and bizarre.

And they seem to go through waves of “themes”. After The Matrix films, there was a plethora of groomly morons in head-to-toe black with long jackets and shades.

And the movie Tombstone has served as a touchstone for many a country wedding. Think The Matrix, plus enormous black cowboy hats. I saw pix from one such blessed event at which the males in the bridal party also packed heat, while the bride and her squarking offsiders dressed as ye olde wilde west prostitutes.

Nothin’ says “eternal wedded bliss” like replica firearms and two-bit hookers….

20 05 2010
Benjamin

On the positive side – perhaps this is an attempt to start their marriage off on a low, so that they can spend the rest of their time together shuddering at the memory and using it as motivation for improving. It couldn’t get worse could it?

20 05 2010
Tombarina

Benj, don’t be silly.

Of course it can get worse. After a suitable interval (eg, four months), their first child will arrive.

It will be called Wrangler Joe, and its subsequent sister Shania Twain. I make this assertion with the absolute confidence of an unfortunate eyewitness.

20 05 2010
Benjamin

Thanks for skewering my hope, Tomba. My commiserations for your unfortunate exposure, BTW.

20 05 2010
James Hunter

Tom,
Will the baby be chrisened in a purple timber paterned baby suit?
If not all is wasted !!

20 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

bahahahahahahahaha – Tombarina, your killing me here!!! HAHAHAHAHA

20 05 2010
martin the bogan

Maybe this explains the high divorce rate. The bogue and boguette only gets to dress up at weddings.

20 05 2010
martin

Oops. I wasn’t in bogan mode then because we aren’t talking about immigration. So my name was meant to be just martin.

20 05 2010
Benjamin

Except last I checked, the divorce rate has been falling…

Perhaps there are fewer marriages though.

20 05 2010
Nickpick

So good!
Something that goes hand in hand with the fancy suit is the fancy job title that bogans crave but not necessarily want to work hard for. They all seem to be managers or consultants of some sort these days, even though usually they work in a call centre or some admin job and don’t actually manage or consult anything. Just another way to appease their need for status, while just humouring them of the idea that with the rewarding of a new, fancy job title they are actually being promoted, when in actual fact they are still doing the same old dead-end job they’ve been doing for years, and usually for the same money. This was especially the case in one office I briefly worked in where out of the 20 employees in my department, 15 of them had ‘manager’ in their job title. I was supposed to be impressed that they were a senior account manager, when in actual fact they just did data entry work, much like they have for decades ever since they left school at 18.

20 05 2010
big_baggies

You crave being on the outer don’t you.Makes you feel special & unique.Maybe that can be your job title. “resentful loser working with people I hate and who hate me”..shortened to “shit kicker “

20 05 2010
Garlo

What a nasty, miserable little gob shite of a creature is Nick. Yuck. Being surrounded by CUBs myself, I constantly feel like an outsider but still manage to find friendship and value in people, no matter how deeply entrenched they are in the culture. It is entirely possible to engage these people and make them think. There’s an art to it, and it’s not always guaranteed, but it’s Xtremely rewarding to gradually bring one back from the bogan brink.

22 05 2010
L Ron Hoover

I have to somewhat agree with Nickpick…
There are way too many ‘Data Management Co-ordinators’ etc who think just because they’ve scored an entry-level admin role it therefore entitles them to a 6 figure salary.
The combination of the renumeration expectation, the job title & a flashly suit will breed a nasty arrogance & a resentment against all other employees.
The ‘DMC’ hates the lower-level employees because they know that he/she is just a bloated idiot who really has no extra skills than they do.
The ‘DMC’ also hates the higher-level employees because that’s what they aspire to be but know that they’ll never get there due to pure laziness & lack of dedication.
Because he/she loathes the Forklift Driver & the Accountant equally, the ‘DMC’ will spend a massive amount of the organisation’s time trying to make both look incompetent. Hilariously this will end up causing more damage to the ‘DMC’ & the General Manager will tell he/she off & order them back to filing more documents – their actual job…

20 05 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

We have decamped temporarily to a “leisure park” to escape some bad weather, so I was enjoying some telly last night. Watching our beloved PM advising bogans to try and avoid Thailand for a bit, I was struck by the complete non-maxtremeness of his tie knot. Seems these days, anytime a bogue gets a tie on, they have get the most massive knot possible. Doubtless inspired by the footy show crew, we have come to refer to these as “sports reporter” knots. Bogans seem oblivious to the fact that anyone of even the most modest style and sophistication spurns the giant knot. I love ties, I used to love buying them for chubby when he worked in the city, he now has a collection of about 100 which he never wears! Anton Enis from SBS wears the most beautiful ties, and wears them well in a tasteful double windsor. If chubby wasn’t so damn hot, and Anton wasn’t so damn gay, I could almost be turned…

20 05 2010
James Hunter

edna,
private school boys and others who learned how use double windsor nots
public school boys use single windsor nots
does this help?

20 05 2010
Ryu

“Men’s formal wear is traditionally worn in a conservative, understated fashion, seeking to subtly connote traits such as respect, confidence and power. But that stuff is for poofs.”

God I laughed out loud when I read this… everyone in the office stopped and looked at me.

Thanks TBL you rock my world.

20 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

TBL- Shouldn’t the shoes read “Whit crocodile skin shoes with a pointy/square toe?

20 05 2010
Bogue

Of Ronald McDonald proportions, directly proportional to the size of said bogan’s…erm…monthly hair product bill.

20 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

I know, it’s so funny/scary. I met Ronald McDonald about 15 years ago, (well the Victorian version anyway), and apart from being a complete tool, he did mention his shoes, but not in a positive way ;)

20 05 2010
James Hunter

Mrs JH and i did our bit for fashion last night.
After driving to the Hotel in Sydney we discover that we had left all our “good” or “Steping out” clothes in the suit carrier hanging on the bedroom door at home.
So we of th the Oprey House in stubbies and tee shirt for me and a denim skirt anf long sleeve tee for Mrsjh.

Must say though that the costume cross section of the audience went from scrufs,like us, right to silver hair and mink stoles. lots of people dressed like they come direct from work(highly probable with travel times like they are in Sydney) and studenty types. lots different ot when i went to the oprey house first time way back in 197something oatcakes.

Did not see one bogan though( being careful to avoide the mirrors in the washrooms), maybe opra scares them.

20 05 2010
Beccie

I believe Frankston Council attempted to purge their commercial precinct by broadcasting bogan repellent music. Not sure how successful it was though – the Franga bogan is notoriously resilient.

20 05 2010
James Hunter

sound like those insectand rat repellers tha6t supposed to make a distasteful noise, like the sound of cash going through a till.

22 05 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

I believe they are still doing it, I think they believe that persistence is key. Maybe they’ve been reading TBL for pointers.

20 05 2010
Blueballs

Speaking of bogan dress sense and “suiting up” did anyone pass a critique on the sartorial styling’s of the mourners at Carl Williams funeral? Generally speaking, regardless of the collective dress sense, nothing screams BOGAN more than stretch-hummer-limos complete with company sponsorship! Such garish things are more in keeping with a Gold Coast end of year formal, not a tacky funeral paid off on maxed out visa cards!

20 05 2010
Dee

Hey, why doesn’t anyone do one about bogans hating the Chaser?

20 05 2010
andy22

big heavy gold chains

20 05 2010
Peter

Ask James Hunter # 7 – When chaps advise other chaps, other chaps should listen.

I run a relatively senior group of professionals. they work in a busy but tranquil open-plan office whereas i, along with a select handful of troubleshooters, work in the privacy of our own offices. one of them seems to be under the impression that her office is soundproof, but this is not the case. annoyingly, when speaking about anything that would be interesting to overhear, she keeps her voice low and well modulated, but when she laughs, the sound ricochets off the walls and makes everyone start with fright. she is a good-natured person and is completely unaware that these frequent, hyena-like cackles are distracting and unnerving. how can we persuade her to moderate her mirthful responses without hurting her feelings or jeopardising our otherwise civil relations?

Peter.

20 05 2010
James Hunter

Peter,
A very serious situation undoubtedly.
I would sugest that you have your telecomunications technician disconect the party line. If she can no lomnger listen in to your conversations then she will have nothing to laugh about. This could lead to her leaving the employ of your company though because she may well be bereft at the loss of her main source of gossip for the girls lunches and twinkle stops.

20 05 2010
Benjamin

Well, the Dilbert solution is to ask Alice to pop by your office while this is happening.

20 05 2010
julie

Best article so far! The image of bogans in lurid suits at the races has permanently burnt a hole in my retinae…

20 05 2010
Steve

Heh, look at that guy in the lime suit, I just know he’s going to spill something on it.

20 05 2010
Kylie

The man in the green suit is my husband and yes it did come home a little worse for wear!!

20 05 2010
James Hunter

Kylie, dont you just hate the way all chunder has bits of tomatoe skin and carrots in it. mut look wicked on the lime green though

20 05 2010
David

Forgot to mention the ill fitting part. The male bogans desire to “get huge” means that designer suits made for lean, muscular forms either stretch at the gut, crease around the bicep, or is so big, the shoulder pads make them look like boy george.

Not to mention it’s phobia of being described as inadequate, so the bogan will inevitably chose a “long” size, even though their proportions favour the X axis to the maxxtreme.

22 05 2010
jed

I tell you what, that’s one scary picture.

There’s one thing this site hasn’t done and that’s specifically identified the subsets in the bogan horde.

The piggy faced one in the lime green monstrosity, no doubt wearing 2 foot long, crocodile skin clown shoes, is the most dangerous bogan you will ever encounter.

He’s the one that endures the most torment in the group, because even when with mates, bogans need someone to denigrate and attack. In private he’s put upon at every opportunity, but in public he’s got something prove to his bogan mates – he’s a loyal soldier to their cause of mediocrity.

He’s the most likely to make lewd comments to women – needs to make his mates laugh.
He’s the most likely to drink himself into oblivion – so his mates can recount stories of when he was king of something.
He’s the most likely to set city bins on fire – so his mates can recall his crazy antics.

And he’s the most likely to bash anyone not in his bogan horde without a second thought – because he’s never fully sure his mates accept him, his fatness has always had him on the outer, and he needs to continually prove to them that he’ll cop an aggravated assault and wounding (if he glasses you) change for his mates, just because you looked in their direction.

27 06 2010
Eric Carmen

White-framed sunnies.

30 06 2010
#153 – The Casino « Things Bogans Like

[...] human peacocks, velvet ropes, year-long Cirque du Soleil (or other franchised entertainment), suiting up, bad nightclubs and, of course, lots and lots of shopping. Often emblazoned with a title like [...]

19 04 2011
Phil S

Where I used to work, “Suiting up” was something you did prior to entering the Reactor Hall . . . . . Ours were yellow Tyvek / Polyethylene film composite – light but amazingly tough, AND completely impermeable (as you’d expect!) Still got an old (non-“active”) one at home as a memento of the “Millisievert Years”!

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