#111 – Zoo Weekly

23 03 2010

For decades, female bogans have happily purchased lifestyle magazines. These publications gave the 1950s housewife new recipes, new things to knit, and new ways to grip the shaft of a feather duster. By the 1970s, these magazines had started to change, with an increase in articles about TV shows and movie stars. By the 1990s, the race to the bottom had reached fever pitch, with illicit affairs, and celebrity cover-ups competing for the female bogan’s dwindling attention span. In the mid 90s, the publishers observed that all they were providing to the female bogan was smut, scandal, and sex tips. “May I suggest that male bogans want these things too”, said one junior publishing executive, observing the convergence of bogan genders.

Ralph, part of the Kerry Packer bogan harvesting empire, arrived on the scene in 1997. They featured scantily clad women on the front, and enough sport and smut to convince some of the more progressive male bogans to stop buying People/Picture magazine (both Packer enterprises). The other benefit of Ralph  for the male bogan, was that each edition contained a smattering of health/lifestyle articles that the male bogan would never read. These articles made the magazine technically not porn, and female bogan spouses found it more difficult to object to the magazine’s presence in the toilet at casa de bogan.

This uneasy truce continued until 2006, when the ultimate bogan male publication appeared on shelves. Zoo Weekly does away with any health and wellbeing content, replacing it with additional scantily clad women, and some more articles that valiantly attempt to classify Lara Bingle photo shoots as AFL/cricket news. The magazine has a team of female sex advice columnists dubbed “The Threesome”, which appeals to the male bogan’s desire for x-treme group sex (but with no other blokes, because that’d be gay). It even contains former Big Brother contestants as columnists, along with classic bogan beer pit David Boon. None of these columns are more than 200 words in length, due the bogan’s preference for bright colours and silicone breasts over letters and numbers. The Packer empire forked out $94 million in 2007 to acquire Zoo Weekly and tap into this pulsating new vein of boganity. Also included in the deal was the acquisition of Ralph rival FHM.

Zoo Weekly’s publisher pitches its bogan audience to advertisers  as “living for the next party, the next gadget, and the next girl”, a summary that compelled the bogan’s girlfriend to start a loud argument about the ongoing presence of the magazine in its house. Initially, the male bogan conceded. For the next few weeks, the bogan male purchased Ralph, and tried to convince itself that the volume of tits in there was adequate. Its relationship improved, with the female bogan seeming oddly grateful that Ralph was around, the very publication that it decried only a decade earlier. In March 2010, she sent her man down to 7-Eleven to purchase a Diet Coke to pair with her bag of lollies. At the drinks fridge, the male bogan spied the promotional placard that would lead to its undoing: “500ml can of Mother and copy of Zoo Weekly for only $6!”. His relationship was doomed.


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234 responses

23 03 2010
berihebi

The other nice thing about Ralph is that the name lends itself to endless spew jokes.

23 03 2010
Bogue

Ralph had a slight Viz angle to it, that did make it a mildly amusing whilst waiting for one’s car to be serviced.

23 03 2010
Jason

Ah Yes, Viz! Haven’t heard of that mag for about 20 years, yet can still recall that Ivor McSkivor’s Dad was a bad driver.

23 03 2010
Bogue

Readers Tips were always my favourite:

“Pasta spirals make great screws for holding together pieces of broken cake”. Mr Ivor Whopper, Hammersmith.

23 03 2010
Jason

Haha you know you’ve now doomed me to an afternoon of rummaging through my old stuff in the folks’ garage looking for my old copies, don’t you…? Ah pissflaps.

23 03 2010
Bogue

Like your Viz ‘Elvis Pharoah Dambusters Clock Plate’? Handcrafted by teenage Asian craftladies and perfect for any tat-filled mantlepiece.

23 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

Viz!
“Good Evening and F*ck” – Roger Mellie the Man on the Telly
and my personal favourite;
“‘Ere Biffa garn oot an fukka coppa forrus.”
“Hawait a mint Farva I’m watchint telly” – Biffa Bacon.
or
“I’ll shag both of yez for a chip supper.” – Fat Slags
thanks for the memories.
(sorry, ADD again.)

23 03 2010
Bogue

Ah, Roger’s Profanisaurus, such a stimulating read.

23 03 2010
Finbarr Saunders

Stimulating…woo, woo, yak, yak, phnarr, phnarr!

23 03 2010
Bogue

Oops, sounds like bum.

23 03 2010
JimC

Ahhh… VIZ, what a fine publication that was. With such characters as Buster Gonad and Johnny Fartpants. I even had the VIZ game on my dear old Commodore 64.

Actually, I seem to vaguely remember an Australian attempt at a VIZ-style comic. This would have been around ’92-’93 or thereabouts. Can’t for the life of me remember what it was called, though.

23 03 2010
ant

What is this Viz thing? I’ve never heard of it… judging by the excerpts here though, I wish I had. Sounds bloody funny!

23 03 2010
Jaiydein
23 03 2010
r.jett

wouldn’t be something done by Fred Negro by any chance?

23 03 2010
Bogue

Tis an ancient tome, very similar to Fred Negro (who has copied Viz to a large degree).

23 03 2010
The Trav

From memory was called something like Wacker…

23 03 2010
Toddo

I have to admit, When I first saw Susan Boyle, the first thing I thought of was Biffa Bacon’s ‘Muvva’

23 03 2010
toony

Haha, I’m a Geordie, and there’s no end to the bloody Biffa ribbing I cop
“Haway Biffa, givsa hand like”….
Viz rules.

27 03 2010
Sam

Toony – makes sense now.

I appreciate the difference between Smoggies and Geordies, but have you seen Teesside Tintin on youtube? Pretty funny

23 03 2010
Nicki

Well done TBL! I think you’ve topped yourself mentioning the can of Mother+ Zoo Weekly deal- a classic.

23 03 2010
j-ho

Love the Bibgle cover, also I saw the ad in the 7-11 and had a chuckle the other day…

23 03 2010
j-ho

*Bingle…

23 03 2010
Bogue

I was instantly attracted to the biff-fest and shag-a-thon! Maybe it’s the sensational headline-a-rama that captures my imagination?

PS: ‘Bibgle’ works for me, possibly an adequate description for her face?

23 03 2010
Shirley M

‘new ways to grip the shaft of a feather duster’. I laughed and laughed!

PS. ‘TV ad girl, LARA BINGLE’s’ come f*ck me face makes me vomit in my mouth a litte.

23 03 2010
urbanreverie

Ahh yes, another perfect example of the Old School Bogan vs New Age Bogan dichotomy … NABs wouldn’t be seen dead with a copy of Picture (“them Home Girls are just a bunch o’ porkers!”) The girls in Zoo and Ralph are sufficiently plastic and unrealistic enough to appeal to the aspirational NAB. The same goes for those TV commercials for Brut deodorant that came out a year or two ago.

The ad where a robot turned normal stuff into maxtreme bogan stuff? TBL

23 03 2010
Bogue

A a football (bit bit of a ‘girly’ kick mind you), own a ute, make a motorcycle, then pull a creepy robot face when you turn a doll into a slightly gormless looking ‘hot chick’ with a massive rack, of teeth. What real man wouldn’t want all these possessions?

23 03 2010
urbanreverie

Yes, that was one of the ads TBL, and also there was the ad where a NAB wearing Brut is trying to score with an impossibly good-looking Spanish-speaking lady, and the other bogans are in a van with a Spanish dictionary translating pickup lines for him via an earpiece. Needless to say, he succeeded in picking up Senorita Plastica – because he was Still Brutally Male!

23 03 2010
Benjamin

Speaking of appalling adds…

Have you seen the one where a cock and his dickhead mates fake the end of the world so he can rape some girl in a bar?

I think it was for Pepsi Maxxxxxxxxxx.

23 03 2010
Bogue

Coupled with some typically awe inspiring public dancing, as all ‘characters’ do.

23 03 2010
Jo

ergh yes I hate their little bogan victory dance at the end of those ads

23 03 2010
AB

There is also the ad targeted at the ‘older’ NaB (the one suffering the x-treme midlife crisis) for the hair colour stuff for grey hair. The name of the product escapes me, but it shows a man and a girl (note girl is deliberately younger than the protaganist) in a fencing dual, and the man wins and the young blonde take off her mask, shakes her mane of hair and exclaims “You nailed me”.

I vomit in my mouth a little bit every time I have the misfortune of viewing this c*ap.

23 03 2010
Trina

Ooo that ad for a men’s hair dye invokes a similar reaction from me. I absolutely hate it!

23 03 2010
brad

gold i use this line on my wife when she catches me out for some silly indescrection always raises a cackle

24 03 2010
Mark of Pyrmont

Duel.

24 03 2010
Loretta

or the “big to do list” billboard.
with the empty check box next to the “chick”

yeah.

‘cos hes gonna “do” her.

do.

23 03 2010
Mezz

Things Bogans Like – Pepsi Maxxxxx

23 03 2010
Andrew

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

23 03 2010
Benjamin

I used to enjoy the odd Pepsi Max (I like the taste for some bizarre reason). Since that add, no longer.

24 03 2010
Mark of Pyrmont

Thought I was the only one. The ad where the guy stages a violently unsuccessful job interview so that his dumb mate can get the job is bad enough, without the annoying ‘victory dance’ with the mandatory rotation. I feel like changing the channel, but by then its too late.

23 03 2010
djm

From the cover: “How to score with a model! (so the don’t press charges)”.

what.

23 03 2010
guntosaurus

it’s a rape joke

23 03 2010
Jo

rape jokes aren’t funny when bogans make them because its highly plausible that they would rape if presented with the opportunity

23 03 2010
huh

when are they funny?

23 03 2010
brad

thats a bit dramatic jo

23 03 2010
pb

the bogan is a classy thing, isn’t he?

23 03 2010
Wolfgang

Ha… Timely…. I overheard a bogan complaining about the quality of magazine in the Qantas Club on Sunday…. loudly expressed his disgust at not being able to get “a decent mag” to his dickhead mate.

TBL should have a little run through the Q Club these days. Fucked if I know how, but bogans litter the place. Another “safe haven” destroyed…..

23 03 2010
Ryu

Funny you should mention that my dad and I were discussing this on the way to the airport last week.

To quote the late great Sid Vicious “I’ve seen the man on the street, and he’s a cunt”

23 03 2010
ant

That’s why I don’t bother shelling out for the Q Club any more, it’s full of bogans flash with cash, so you might as well save your dough and slouch off to the Hungry Jacks or just watch planes being unloaded through the window.

23 03 2010
Antosha

ALAS !!! That is sooo true !!

Bogans and their brat kids running around screaming and/or being screamed at… Loading up their plates at the hot food counter as if they haven’t eaten in 8 weeks…

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again… please Singapore Airlines.. come and save us !!

23 03 2010
Andrew

No, there is a lower level of hell than this.
Recent work activity has resulted in me traipsing back and forth to the Gold Coast on an almost weekly basis and facing the bogan creche that is Jetstar.
At least Q Club allows you a mobile free area to hide from the NAB and their spawn and we all appreciate that no NAB worth his daily dose of Red Bull could possibly be separated from his iPhone unless forced to. Who knows what important txt he could miss?

23 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Oh, Andrew, prey tell, there must be more stories of boganity from your times on the GC, surely?
I was at a local (Broadbeach) restaurant on Sunday night, only to be (pleasantly:( sat next to a loudly negative family. Interestingly, (the waitress informed me later that) they had dined there five (5) times that week whilst on holiday.
The patriarch stood and announced “well, no wonder it’s shit; we are in redneck country!” – to which I responded, at a lesser volume, with my offence and advised they would need to travel AT LEAST to Logan for the true redneck bogans. They certainly were representing their state though (for NaBs/Bs).

23 03 2010
AlyssaKT

(whichever southern state that was)

23 03 2010
Benjamin

Wonderful entry.

Thanks again folks.

23 03 2010
James

Never heard of it. Is it peer reviewed?

23 03 2010
Poppy

I’m sure it is. However have a guess who the author’s peers are.

23 03 2010
James

Gazza and Davo down the pub?

23 03 2010
Bogue

Sharrod, Daerryn, Jarryn and Hendrix, just before the spewed out the back of the ‘Chevy’ ute.

23 03 2010
Poppy

All of the above plus a few “celebrity” reviewers. For example one Brendan Fevola is a natural choice for reviewing all of the “articles” mentioned on that cover.

23 03 2010
vivisection

I highly recommend “Bacon Busters” as another worthy magazine for those looking for a good read – more for the rural bogue whose interests include both pig hunting and tits. They also produce an annual Bacon Busters calendar – a must have.

23 03 2010
Gung-Ho

Both FHM and Zoo were originally NOT part of the Kerry Packer empire (ACP), only Ralph, Picture & People were. Zoo’s sales were skyrocketing so ACP bought them out.

Valid quibbles, the transaction happened in 2007. We shall amend. Oh, and it’s “Kerry Packer bogan harvesting empire”. TBL

23 03 2010
ZOOlander

Should that be “volume of tits”?

23 03 2010
Jo

If I had a dollar for the amount of times I think I’ve met a nice guy, go to his house, and spy a stack of Zoo in his toilet and then experience the subsequent sinking feeling of disappointment. I’d rather discover dried up shit stuck to the toilet bowl.

23 03 2010
AlyssaKT

I find reading on the toilet detestable, no matter the reading material. Unless it’s the newspaper that is discarded that day, there are so many sanitary issues that I can’t shake from my mind.
When reading magazines like this, add the scatological aspect of men being turned on whilst on the toilet…

23 03 2010
Shirley M

I agree wholeheartedly. I know someone who reads cook books in the loo. One can only assume that these make their way from the toilet to the kitchen bench.

23 03 2010
AlyssaKT

OH. I’m struggling to process that without making myself ill.
One can only assume you do not eat there?!

I read an email a couple of years ago that pointed out to women that handbags shouldn’t be placed on benches/tables because they had been dirty places such as public toilet stall floors. Apparently some people don’t know about the hook/lock/lap options because my bag certainly has not!
Having to be told how dirty your handbag is after it’s been on a toilet stall floor is very bogan.

23 03 2010
Shirley M

I have attended BBQs at this abode which I have justified by telling myself that none of the fare on offer will have required consulting a recipe.

23 03 2010
Jo

Ew! for both men being turned on whilst on the toilet and the person who transports their cookbooks from toilet to kitchen.
I can’t imagine how inefficient a male’s body must be that he has time to read in the toilet..one of those great mysteries of life I guess.

23 03 2010
Benjamin

Bogans don’t eat fibre, or drink anything that isn’t a diuretic. So constipation is pretty much expected.

23 03 2010
Shirley M

Reading on the toilet is definitely not confined to the bogans.

23 03 2010
Benjamin

Then I have no answers.

I haven’t a clue why people do that. Perhaps they are looking for some solitude.

Or having a wank.

23 03 2010
AlyssaKT

I’m hoping it’s for the ‘serenity’

23 03 2010
ant

Men like reading in toilets, I have NO idea why. At work recently, a freebie magazine turned up in the ladies’ loo, which excited some comment as it’s unusual to see reading matter in women’s toilets.

As for the lady who found Zoo in Her Intended’s dunny, I do hope she took revenge by stinking up the place, and hiding the loo paper in the cistern. Then he’ll have to use Zoo…

23 03 2010
Jo

No i just ramble something about washing my hair and having a headache and go home and not answer my phone for the next few weeks

23 03 2010
Tone

Indeed.

I’ve lost count of the number of times i’ve read The Economist, The Big Issue or the Fin Review whilst on the crapper.

23 03 2010
Trina

Thank you! Finally some other people who agree that reading on the toilet is positively foul! I have had this argument with people so many times and I was genuinely beginning to think I was the only person in the world who had an issue with it! Alas this is not a habit that is confined to bogans…I work for a big corporation that will remain nameless based in the CBD…I just cringe every time I see a highly paid executive type (who should know better) taking reading material into the public work toilet!

23 03 2010
ant

My pet hate too, and then they come out and give that stuff to someone else! No thank you! Yuck!

23 03 2010
Antosha

I lent a book to a friend of mine I used to work with. I was over for beers at his place shortly afterwards and I found it virtually in pieces next to his toilet. He explained to me it was his ‘reading material’.

Needless to say I offered him to ‘keep it’… and a replacement was ordered.

23 03 2010
AlyssaKT

How rude!
Surely by “virtually in pieces” you don’t mean he actually used the pages? He just read it “to death”?
I would hate to think anyone would disrespect a book I lent them. I am especially careful with others’ books. Folded corners instead of bookmarks make me cringe.

23 03 2010
Antosha

I was pretty shocked actually.

It was read to death rather than being used.. but read in such a way where it was folded around like you would do to a magazine you are reading on a plane.

I think he still feels guilty about it. When last at his place he gave me two free choices from his library as compensation. Funnily enough his entire (and quite extensive) library was in immaculate condition.

A strange chap.

23 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Most likely they were all ‘unopened’ gifts then? It’s easy to regift something you have no interest in… What was this toilet page-turner?

23 03 2010
brad

i cant understand why you ladies dont read on the toilet?-it certainly would smell nice as you only fart lavender and poo pot pouri

23 03 2010
Shirley M

I can’t speak for the other fine ladies here, but I don’t have time to read on the toilet.

23 03 2010
AlyssaKT

No, it doesn’t have quite the right ambiance for me to spend my leisure time there…

23 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Yeah, I don’t think I have ever uttered, “see you later, I’m going to hang in the toilet for a while”.
Get in and then get out.

23 03 2010
AlyssaKT

“There’s a better kind of normal” perhaps was an advertising campaign they should have heeded?

23 03 2010
amr

Sad.

I had a girl around once who expressed dismay too.

She thought I was a bit of a freak because the place was a little ‘too clean.’

23 03 2010
Claire

Haha classic. Love the Mother + Zoo deal mention, had a chuckle at that myself when saw it at the service station. And my favourite “….due the bogan’s preference for bright colours and silicone breasts over letters and numbers.” Explains so much…

P.S. I would have to say though, that Zoo does make for a funny read…

23 03 2010
FT

Somewhat ironically, the male of the bogan species seems to have more than adequate interest in letters and numbers when it comes to the comparing (or guessing) the size of said silicone breasts…

23 03 2010
James

I have met functionally illiterate people who can read and digest something as arcane as a horse racing guide.

23 03 2010
Claire

Maybe the school curriculum should be changed to include bogan friendly teachings

23 03 2010
loftie

Zoo really does understand their market perfectly don’t they…

If you look at that cover… it is (almost) impossible to cram more bogan into one cover…

And cleverly, if you look at the word ZOO froma distance, the OO can slightly resemble breasts – even more attention grabbing to the Bogan…

23 03 2010
Claire

Nice observation

23 03 2010
Jerry

Well on the plus side, at least it tries to encourage bogans to read and it briefly distracts them from glassing cnuts.

23 03 2010
Bogue

Just don’t hand a copy to Rick Phillips if he’s anywhere near Mike Rann, a magazinin’ ain’t a pretty sight.

23 03 2010
Jo

ahaha! the glory of seeing one bogan hit another bogan over the head with a rolled up Zoo magazine

23 03 2010
Bogue

Well, Rick Phillips certainly quialifies (regardless of whether he carefully selected a wine review magazine as the weapon of choice for his most recent assault), whilst Mike’s alleged tendancy for impulsive acts of desire on parliamentary furniture with barmaids, probably gives him a high rating too. Of course, I’d prefer to see Jaydyn and Jaxxon armed with mens publications in a duel to the finish outside of the West Terrace McDonalds…it’s just grittier.

23 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

Bogue, did you see Rick blaming his son’s behaviour on Mike Rann after the nast little turd was arrested for assaulting someone with a baseball bat, knife, spear and god knows what else..

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Hearkens (?) back to yesterday’s post – blaming anyone but themselves.

23 03 2010
Bogue

Yes, the X-CuB (Extremely Cashed Up Bogan). This wedsite won’t allow me to post a link for some reason, but there’s a particularly interesting article on the VEXNEWS website (a tad vexatious too) promoting the virtus of the Phillips-Chantellois family as role models to us all. Sound like a nasty bunch.

23 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Niiiice one TBL. I have been waiting for this one.
I have always wondered if there will ever be a magazine that is filled with just tits. No heads, torsos, legs or arms. Just tits! Because that is really what the bogan male wants. Tits. I forsee this in the future. Once the Tits/mams/cans magazine has come out with a series of numbered photos of cans, the bogan male can escort the female bogan to the plastic surgeon with the cut out numbered photo to exclaim, “I want these ones”.

23 03 2010
Jo

Zoo ran a competition where its readers could win a boob-job for their girlfriend…not sure if it was abandoned due to the vast outrage it recieved or if they followed through with it, but I’m guessing it was run with the aim to draw publicity and not to make a bogan and his girlfriend a very fulfilled couple.

23 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Uuuugh!
The awful truth.

23 03 2010
Shirley M

I daresay it was run with the aim of getting the femme-bogue to encourage their paramours to purchase the magazine. What respectable femme-bogue wouldn’t want a FREE boob-job?

23 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

Nice One.
It brings to mind the piece on Hungry Beast recently.
On femmes surgically remodelling their pudenda to match what they are seeing in their Boguefriends stroke mags.

Not happy with only having Pammie’s Boosies?
Now you can have her coochie too!

23 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Awesome call Chubby!!
I was horrified by that piece on Hungry Beast.
It would be a great special edition. A copy of each
(Cans! & Vag Weekly) with the before and after shots. Like one of those american yearbooks. All lined up in rows for a pretty picture.
The group photo would be difficult though. How to keep detail with an en masse appeal.

23 03 2010
Mezz

That was quite a disturbing article.

23 03 2010
Jo

I have to admit I was a bit alarmed at how varied vaginas could be, I had no idea, not being a lesbian or porn-reader/watcher…wow I was so sheltered

24 03 2010
Muz

Why alarmed? Like the doctor said, ‘there’s no normal face even though all faces are normal.’

Just curious.

23 03 2010
Tee-Agra

Doesnt RALPH stand for: Reliable And Lovable Piss Head?

23 03 2010
Nelson Esq

Ralph was a common name often given by blokes to their penises as a nickname. I always assumed that the publisher named the magazine after his dick!

23 03 2010
James

When I was in primary school in the 1990s it was slang for vomiting. As in, “I just ralphed in my desk drawer sir.”

23 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Yeah, because his penis does all of his thinking for him!

23 03 2010
Nelson Esq

Hence the content of the magazine…

RALPH: A magazine published by a dick, for dicks and named after a dick!

23 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Nice one Nelson!

23 03 2010
Mezz

Reprehensible and Loathable sounds more to the point.

23 03 2010
Jo

I’m sure if anyone of us cared enough a quick google would settle this…of course none of us are willing to take it that far

23 03 2010
reparty

Ahhhh, Zoo. What made my life so enjoyable managing staff was the tendency for the stupidest of them to bring this, Ralph and FHM (also the occasional People and Picture) into the workplace. Then reading them in front of customers. After much explaining (and this was at three different locations) that it wasn’t acceptable I’d have to then explain that:
1) It wasn’t acceptable
2) It was a waste of time and uneducational
3) It distracted them from doing their jobs
4) Some people may find them offensive, including female co-workers. The look of puzzlement at that one was priceless.
One tool countered my argument with the fact that Zoo had “mad facts brah” When I started throwing out any copies that were found at one shop (after two warnings to get rid of them), I was faced with a Tweed Shire tsunami of bewilderment and distress. The people that read these mag’s are fuckwits with a very short attention span, aka ADHD, and I will happily look at them fucking their lives up further and further. 4225 Brah!

Fuckheads.

23 03 2010
Mezz

I think there’s a simple analogy that references “small minds” that would be appropriate here. It really is amazing how oblivious these types are to what may and may not offend others. Generally speaking, the main problem these bogans have is the simple realisation that not everyone lives/thinks in accordance with its low standards. This is something that astounds the average bogan.

23 03 2010
pb

it isn’t really that they’re oblivious – it’s always that everyone else needs to ‘harden up’ or some other bogan phrase of the moment.

24 03 2010
Will S

Interesting, in the study of cognitive development in children you learn about ‘egocentrism’, which is when a toddler or young child believes everyone thinks exactly the same as them, e.g. if I steal something from you, you should be happy about it. Maybe the bogan just retains this to a greater extent than everybody else…

24 03 2010
Loretta

niiice.

It’s not that the Bogue can’t appreciate your point of view;
It’s that he can’t appreciate that you have one.

23 03 2010
AlyssaKT

4225 = ‘Cooly kids’. It’s an epidemic down there…

23 03 2010
Jo

I hope you had some back-up from other less-bogan co-workers who agreed with you? and you weren’t left to face the tidal wave of unintelligible abuse on your own

23 03 2010
reparty

Nope, I think I was the only manager that really cracked down on it. Most others thought it was fine. Not that I’m offended by pornography, but if I was going to get a personal talking to by a state manager about inappropriate material in the workplace, it was going to be for something glossy and in 4 European languages, not some stupid faux-porn bullshit. They just couldn’t get it.

23 03 2010
brad

you get that kind of thing at KFC though reparty

23 03 2010
h

oh wow this is the best post so far.

Jo- sadly that competition was followed through with a Perth girl whom I know (and who quite a few men know as well if you get my drift) winning it. Now to top off her lovely white hair and orange skin she also has fake boobs.

As for the rape jokes, bogans love them. I was subjected to one the other evening whilst walking around town between bars I overheard someone in a group of bogans proclaim “I would rape her.” I just chose to ignore the comment. Imagine if I had actually been sexually abused before, talk about damaging.

23 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

speechless @ rape comment.

23 03 2010
Jo

I hope after her boyfriend won her some boobs she dumped him because she wanted to use her new attributes to sleep-around, the only person who can truly hurt a bogan is another bogan

23 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Someone I knew through work was showing the manager of a café he frequented in Main Beach (Gold Coast) a photo of Posh that showed her ribs and obvious breast augmentation and commenting at how she was his ‘perfect woman’. Observing this I remarked that he must like ‘bolt ons’. He responded that he had purchased boobs for his previous 2 girlfriends and both had left him soon after. Priceless.

23 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I recall hearing a statistic somewhere on marriages or relationships which fail after boob jobs. Let’s face it, who wants to be with someone who has become merely a life support system for a pair of tits.

23 03 2010
AlyssaKT

WOW – where was this?? I have never heard anything like that rape comment, and I have heard a lot!

23 03 2010
Jo

I often hear people say “I’m going to go rape a beer” or “I drank too much beer… I’m going to go rape my toilet”, but never rape comments about humans…I think if footballers have taught us anything its that bogans can and will rape…so they probably shouldn’t joke about it

23 03 2010
AlyssaKT

The jury is still out on that ‘fact’ about footballers and rape. Although I’m sure it happens, I have seen the behaviour of a lot of women around footballers and the lengths they’ll go to to get their attention. Morning regret can often change the story…

23 03 2010
Jo

the onus is on the footballer to ignore women like that, too bad the footballer not only loves women like that, but thinks all women are like that…even the ones “playing hard to get”

24 03 2010
Kate

I do enjoy a rape joke now and then, but as with anything, there is a time and a place. I can’t even stand people swearing in public, let alone them saying something so atrocious with no thought as to who is around.

23 03 2010
CoffeeSnob

Where does “Men’s Style” fit into the categorisation? It has longer articles, way beyond the 30 second attention span, sometime even decent current affairs stuff, well beyond the normal scope of a TT or ACA “in-depth investigation”. BUT it also has a lot of scantily clad femmes.

Are they aiming for the intelli-bogan? The metrosexual-bogan (but not too metro, cuz that would be gay, I just like to look after myself cuz the chicks dig it and all, not because I feel a deep sense of unfuliment every time I watch mardi gras, and that I really should have told Braandon the way I felt after that footy session in the showers…) ?

Or is it actually a gentleman’s rag? One with a bit of cleavage? Or for the bogan in gentleman’s clothing?

23 03 2010
h

Well I was speechless to, that’s why I didn’t say anything. He was obviously joking (not very funny) as he was laughing and so were all of his mates, but still wouldn’t want to be in a dark alley with him lurking.

23 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Word!

23 03 2010
r.jett

Surprised that this took so long to be mentioned you guys.

23 03 2010
h

Alyssa- It was outside capitol on Murray street. I should’ve just steered clear when I saw the numbered T-shirts though. It was hard for me to do that anyway as I pretty much had to walk past them!

On the topic of rape jokes has anyone else seen the Roger David t-shirt with the photo of the roughed up, gagged woman on the front. I’m sure there were bogans a plenty at future music sporting it as they bopped along to the song “sexy bitch” by Dave Guetta. Of course, the outrage over the t-shirt from women’s groups, rape victims etc has been dissmissed as, wait for it, political correctness gone mad.

Appallingly, rape jokes/references seem to be everywhere in bogan land at the moment.

23 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

TBL right on the mark as usual.
Lowest common denominator stuff. I notice the similarity in the title of this odious waste of forest resources to the fembogue favourite “New Weekly”. I’m sure it’s deliberate by the publishers and probably exposes their cynicism.
I’m becoming overwhelmed by the massive tide of sexual targeting by our marketing overlords. I want to just scream. “OK we get it. We all have the bits and all do the act. Can we move on please?” I would have assumed that this pitch loses it’s appeal to anyone past puberty but alas…
I long for the days when things like porn, strippers, lap dancing and plastic surgery were reprehensible at best and dirty little secrets at worst. Somehow they have all attained a veneer of “respectability” and a tsunami of thinly veiled smut has ensued.
I recall an IQ2 debate recently on ABC “Popular Culture, We’ve Seen The Future and It’s Junk”. From memory, the second speaker for the affirmative put it more eloquently than I ever could. For the life of me I can’t find a transcript but I did find audio and video streams: http://www.abc.net.au/tv/fora/stories/2010/02/16/2817127.htm
if any one has the time or the inclination.

Surely it won’t be long until Zoo runs a cover story on glassing technique.
“Saturday Night Shenanigans – Gaining the Upper Hand!”

23 03 2010
Jaiydein

I too wonder how porn became mainstream.

23 03 2010
Shirley M

The internet, of course.

23 03 2010
James

That explains the proliferation, but what explains the mainstream appeal?

23 03 2010
Shirley M

It’s always had mainstream appeal, but people were less willing to own up to it. Its proliferation has led to more openness towards it. I’m talking about actual porn here, though, and not the likes of Zoo Weekly.

23 03 2010
James

That’s an insightful point Shirley, thanks. Maybe I don’t get it because I do not see the appeal myself.

23 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I don’t know if this belongs here or under “spurious allergies”.
Things Bogans are apparently disposed to: sex addiction.
So maybe now porn, strippers, lap dancers and whores come under bogan therapy?

27 03 2010
Sam

If you dont luv all these stuff then u r gay.

23 03 2010
Benny Hill

If I see a Dolly magazine, I must read Dolly Doctor.

23 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Dolly’s doctor = not so good

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dolly_(sheep)

23 03 2010
Jaiydein

James Packer is possibly Australia’s wealthiest Bogue with offspring named Indigo & Jackson, with a Johdi as an ex wife now married to Erica (former model & singer!).

23 03 2010
James

Nicely observed. Yet further proof that boganity does not respect class differences.

23 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Hahaha – that she was a singer was news to me! After further investigation I see she released a single in 2006 that climbed the great heights of the chart to #57. I thought her only claim to fame was winning a cover of Dolly Magazine, but I see her talents are more far-reaching.

23 03 2010
devil's advocate

“The magazine has a team of female sex advice columnists dubbed “The Threesome”, which appeals to the male bogan’s desire for x-treme group sex (but with no other blokes, because that’d be gay).”

How does this tie in with football team shenanigans? Has this been covered?

23 03 2010
Robbie

I think there are certain football players who are bi-curious or closet gays…why else would they all get it on with one chick and 6 young, strapping, aroused males????

23 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Right on guys!
Things like pole dancing pass as “glamour” these days (at least according to channel 9).
…..and how about that Ed Hardy inspired “Wicked” energy drink ad?
Give me a break!

23 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Sorry, this should be under James’ comment.

23 03 2010
Awesomerickee

Hey Faggits,

My name is Rickee, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are intallectual, retardd, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupidass blogs. You are everything bad in Australia. Honestly, have any of you ever glassed any cunts? I mean, I guess it’s fun making fun of people because of your own insicurities, but you all take to a hole new lvl. This is even worse than flying here and complaining about our culture and shit. Fuck OFF!

Don’t be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I’m pretty much X-treme. I was captain of the footy team, and starter on my junior 20/20 team. What sports do you play, other than “jack off to blogs about decent Australian blokes”? I also get straight A’s, and have a banging hot missus (She just blew me; Shit was SO x-treme). You are all faggits who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.

AUSSIE PRIDE OI OI OI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

23 03 2010
Simon

Dude, nice try.

23 03 2010
Simon

Hey CM has a new persona.

23 03 2010
James

I think it might be his little brother – judging from the “straight As”, he must be in high school, because As are not so good in a tertiary context. Judging by all the gay references, this young fellow is clearly a homosexual, which he attempts to cover up with x-treme heterosexual oral sex acts (while no doubt fantasising about how it would feel to give rather than receive, and about us jacking off while reading his post). The footy team captaincy is a dead giveaway insofar as the homosexuality is concerned. Need I continue?

24 03 2010
Will S

He’s far too coherent to be Common Man.

23 03 2010
James

I am not quite sure what to make of this offering. Am I meant to take it seriously, and tear it to pieces? Or should I assume this troll should not be fed?

23 03 2010
Simon

Trolls can be fun James.

23 03 2010
Shirley M

Hey I think I know your banging hot missus. She gave me an x-treme blow job just the other day.

23 03 2010
Simon

Was she the one on the cover of crack whore magazine?

23 03 2010
Shirley M

Maybe. I saw her at Starbucks and told her I liked her massive cans. The rest is history.

23 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

don’t go there Si.
poor little takker just got home from school.

23 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

faggots
intellectual
retard
stupid arse
insecurities
whole
level
extreme (ROFLMAO)
3/10

classic

Hey Rickee.
If you don’t like it leave…

now call me some rude names.

26 03 2010
Somewhat Bogan

Yeh “fuck off we’re full” springs to mind

23 03 2010
Nelson Esq

Rickee, you’re not the first bogan, and you’ll definitely not be the last, to have an angry rant at all the non-bogues blogging here. It would be fair to say that we have all sent them off angrier than they came after posting responses to their incomprehensible gibberish.

Congratulations on achieving straight A’s. However, I must ask in what subjects did you achieve this? By your appalling spelling and grammar, it certainly is not English. My 16 month old daughter has better language skills than you.

I must also say that I love your name. With its rediculous spelling, I am sure TBL add it to the ‘Bogue by any other name’ list. You will be immortalised.

Thank you for your contribution; it was entertaining and you have made our day by just being the stereotypical bogan we make fun of here. Go now, have another can of Mother, vent your rage at some poor unsuspecting and undeserving femme-bogue, drive your SS Chevrodore up a pole or do whatever else bogans do. Just remember; we laugh at you and thank God we’re not like you.

Thanks for listening.

23 03 2010
Antosha

Well said :) I love the ‘ridiculous spelling’ !!

Though I think this is Fi in disguise… causing trouble..

23 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

Faggots
intellectual
retard
stupid arse (love the american spelling rick – you’re aussie as!)
insecurities
whole
level
extreme (ROFLMFAO)

3/10 (D+)

Hey Rick, this is Australia. If you don’t like it leave.

Little Aussie champion is doing well for himself apparently.
At least while Mummy and Daddy are still picking up the tab.

We need intellectuals Ricky.
So people like you can have a Boss.
Y’know to give them a job and shit?

who am I kidding?
you’re gonna be begging to suck me off for five bucks in an alley off Darlinghurst road in a couple of years.

Once you leave home and the meth takes hold.

now go and tell all your little friends.
and come back and call us rude names.

(I can’t help myself)

23 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

damn.
first one disappeared.
I think I prefer 1.2 anyway.

23 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

bet he’s on the facebook page.

23 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Haha you guys, it seems to me that this person has read a lot of the posts already to know all the lingo so well. I believe the spelling may or may not be intentional. But it’s most certainly someone who is looking for some entertainment this afternoon. And, lucky for us, we’re also amused. Thanks Rickee.

23 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

oh man.
have I been had?

23 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

*sheepish*

23 03 2010
Antosha

Is that you Fiona????

24 03 2010
Bec

Guys, this is just a copypaste of a classic Internet troll meme. Ye gods, the /b/tards are infiltrating…

24 03 2010
Awesomerickee

Ding Ding Ding we have a winner folks

i was just trolling. TBL i love your work really, i just wanted to see how effectively Guido translated into Bogan…with stunning results.

Thanks again guys
BTW Rickee belongs on the names list

Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo would have had you hung if you’d tried it there. TBL

24 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Your purple hexagon face looks familiar… hmmm :)

24 03 2010
Awesomerickee

Cotopaxi Y Carles is my other name

24 03 2010
DrMubutu

GTFO mai T/b/L!

24 03 2010
loftie

damn – I missed this troll….

would have been fun…

next time…

*there will be more* – just like bogans… you can be sure…

25 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

yeah.
not for me. I just feel like a goose.

exposed my true boganity.
thouroughly old school
Mate.

26 03 2010
Somewhat Bogan

I vote troll!

23 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Hey Rickee,
Got the noose around the neck.
What next mate?

23 03 2010
Chris

Where’s Fiona ?

23 03 2010
Benny Hill

Ah your all a bunch of bogans, suck it up princesses.

Whilst the writings have been amusing, personally I’m looking forward to entries about Bunnings, Aldi, iPhone’s and adoption.

23 03 2010
Shirley M

If there’s an entry on Bunnings or Aldi, I’m going to stop reading.

The new age bogan defines itself too heavily by brand names to truly feel good about Aldi. Bunnings… well….
TBL

23 03 2010
Empathetic

Aldi is Crazy Clark’s with food.

However, the adoption comment triggers thoughts about World Vision for me. All of the susceptible people are targeted. There are several horrific issues, however, the biggest issue I have is the amount they spend on advertising. Allegedly 93 cents in every dollar is advertising/administration/staff. My friends who live in Africa report that they drive around in luxury 4WDs and live in mansions. Seriously, whether I was working for an international ‘charity’ or not, I would hope/plan/expect/be grateful to live in a hut like everyone else. Anything else repulses me no end.
Families who can barely afford to clod their children each year are being fleeced, due to the marketing skills of a disgusting company: World Vision. Applause. *glass*

I would encourage you to read their annual report to confirm what their cost breakdowns are. These sort of allegations can have considerable impact, so it’s better for everyone that they come from first hand information. TBL

24 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

I smell a TT/ACA expose…

24 03 2010
Empathetic

You’re up late, TBL. I understand your reticence. However, please take a moment to ponder – what other charity is capable of propagating such stories through so many mediums?
Would you not prefer they spend more on the child/community you wish to aid?
The head of the NSW World Vision has an 8 bedroom holiday mansion in Byron she’s happy to open to her friends for use during festivals.
Regarding my comment regarding luxury vehicles/mansions in Africa, I know this to be true.
Sorry if I offended your sensibilities, TBL.

24 03 2010
loftie

Aldi is quite a clever, well oiled machine…

And I believe worthy of a TBL entry… mainly because it tricks bogans to work for them…. for FREE….
*follow me here for a second*

Aldi don’t generally have shelves, mostly stock is stacked on pallets, and still in large cartons… because they do not provide ‘free’ shopping bags, Bogans will take the cardboard box rubbish away from them and dispose of themselves… (meaning Aldi doesn’t have to pay for as much trash removal)

Aldi also charge $2.00 for a trolley, meaning that the Bogan MUST return the trolley, because $2.00 is too much to let go of… (meaning Aldi doesn’t have to employ trolley collectors, because they are ALWAYS returned)

Aldi has specifically designed packaging with barcodes on all sides of the product (sometimes included into the background imaging), and Aldi don’t pack your items into shopping bags, boxes, or trolleys… (meaning that Aldi employs less staff than a normal supermarket, and a faster checkout experience)

Aldi are cheaper for most day to day products (attracts bogans like a riot to a tyre shop)

Aldi know their market, and exploit it to their best ability… and as they are German based, they are ruthless, and care nothing for customer service…

If you want cheaper groceries, you go to Aldi and work for it… you might not be on the payroll, but you’ll be working for them and you don’t even know it…

Bravo Aldi, Bravo…

All of these things are true. But other supermarkets use Maggie Doyle on their ads, iconic branded goods that the bogan can prominently display in its hand/home, more upmarket decor, store-branded credit cards, and a much bigger advertising budget. Aldi is yet to convince most bogans that any price savings at Aldi outweigh the chance to shop like a celeb at Coles or Woolies. They need Max Markson. TBL

24 03 2010
Shirley M

TBL is right. I was at Aldi and Coles this morning and Coles clearly has the bogue market right in its greedy little pockets. In addition to the points TBL have made above, Coles also offers Fly Buys, 2 for 1 deals, a durry counter and petrol vouchers. In my experience, bogans love this shit.

24 03 2010
loftie

Point Taken…

Though, there are a lot of bogans shopping at Aldi all the same…
perhaps for different reasons…

(though I can see that it isn’t as x-treme or celeb filled as a coles/woolies)

24 03 2010
Shirley M

There are a lot of bogans everywhere, Loftie.

I have adapted a classic poem to illustrate this point. I’m sure The People’s Poet won’t mind:

Bogans. All around.
Sometimes up. Sometimes down.
But always… around.

Bogan, are you coming to my town?
Or am I coming to yours?

24 03 2010
loftie

I think I might get that poem tattooed…

24 03 2010
Nelson Esq

The choice of supermarket is the perfect example of how the bogan gene-pool has split into distinct sub-species. Loftie, yes bogans shop at Aldi, the poorer old school type. Shirley M is also correct about bogans (the CUB -NaB type) loving Coles for the properly branded Tim Tams, Fly Buy Points (coz when ya spend enuff, ya get free shit and stuff!), ciggies and petrol vouchers.

24 03 2010
Shirley M

I frequently shop at Aldi, and the most common sub-group of people I encounter there are immigrants. Like me, I think the cold, regimented, Germanic style of the supermarket appeals to them. I always feel like like it’s post-apocalyptic times when I shop there, and get the urge to stock up on staples such as soy milk. It’s kinda fun. :)

24 03 2010
ant

I don’t think Aldi is bogan. The aldi here is full of farmers doing the monthly shop, and quite nice people. The bogans (in Queanbeyan) are in Woolworths! Shocking, dreadful shop. And some are in Coles.

24 03 2010
Empathetic

The bogans are everywhere.

You cannot escape.

27 03 2010
Sam

I don’t think we have Aldi in WA, they don’t like our trading laws or they are worried that their curtains will fade or something.

What we do (did?) have is FAL. It is like that shop “Monstro Mart” on the Simpsons. Bogans go to FAL to buy 10kg cans of kidney beans and 8L tubs of mayo. You have to be a member – it is very exclusive.

24 03 2010
Simon

Your life is just one joyfest huh Shirl. Or were you doing research?

24 03 2010
Shirley M

Life IS research, Simon. Well… sex, drugs, rock’n’roll, and research.

24 03 2010
loftie

hey, i work for that research team too ???!!!

24 03 2010
Shirley M

Perhaps we’ll meet at a ‘conference’ some time.

24 03 2010
Shirley M

Doesn’t everyone love Bunnings? The only thing that I don’t love about it is the smell. The products are flippin’ awesomesauce.

24 03 2010
AlyssaKT

do you like the charity fundraiser sausage sizzles, Shirley? I have been involved with many – and they involve a 6 months+ waiting list for the reward. When at the helm, I’ve always kept the onions on – no matter how many I have cooked and ready, as people come from near and far because of the attractive odours…
Interestingly, this is also the place where I’ve encountered much boganity, such as “no, I want white bread! I’m allergic to wholemeal!”

24 03 2010
Shirley M

I am always drawn in by the smell of the Bunnings sausage sizzle, but have learnt from experience that you can’t always judge a book by its cover.

I will concede, however, that I share my saturday afternoons at this most wonderful warehouse, with plentiful representatives of the bogan flock.

24 03 2010
Empathetic

A friend of mine who is an Adelaide Bunnings staff member, recently joined the group:
“Proving customers wrong (Nothing better than proving a customer wrong, especially those who try to get cheap or free shit.)”
But he also joined my group “Inviting your friends to scam/spam groups advertises that you’re a MORON.”
(http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/group.php?gid=323609267834&ref=ts) so he mustn’t be all bad!

24 03 2010
Loretta

Delicious irony that bogues love bunnings despite the fact that 90% of the stuff is made by “slopes”.
The subtleties of things like Free Trade Agreements is beyond them.
As is irony.

23 03 2010
Empathetic

Oh, Benny! Adoption really jumped out at me; I just learnt over the weekend that my 40 something aunt (never before mother) and her 50 something husband (father of one) plan to adopt a child from Asia who will be 7+ (as are the adoption conditions??). I had heard about this plan peviously and assumed that the child would be 3 at most. But 7! How dare anyone take a child from their country and subject them to parents who can’t communicate with them, bewilderment at a language they don’t know, a “culture” they may never understand and a peer group that may never welcome/accept.
Yes, many will consider ours a “better quality of life” but how can anyone be so sure? Will their be apologies later????

23 03 2010
David

Great post – I’m just amazed that it took 111 to get to Zoo…

24 03 2010
Ironhalo

As the good old second-in-command of a warship, I used to organise magazine subscriptions (paid for out of our own money from the ship’s canteen etc) to keep the crew happy. I went round the officer’s mess and asked what subscriptions they would like so we could get delivered them at sea. Amongst the responses were, ‘Time, Fin Review, The Bulletin, Sports Illustrated etc’. I went down to the lower decks and got this response from one of the boys:

‘Oi Sir talkin’ to the boys, just order Zoo and Ralph or some shit. Awww can youse get Wheels or Top Gear as well? Thanks heaps Sir, I suppose Pent’ouse would be pushing the friendship though Sir hur hur!?!’

Yeah lads, I’m sure the female sailors would love a big pile of soft/hard porn to show up in their mess decks. That wouldn’t go down as bad as cot death or anything.

24 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Surely the female sailors would have just laughed in pity at the pathetic coveting of such fodder?

24 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

Surely all the female sailors would be gutting the fuck out of the navy by now.

24 03 2010
ant

Too right. Ye gods, what a clusterflap.

25 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

pussers!
sheesh.
AJs are all class by comparison.

24 03 2010
Gorey

I did some writing for the Picture/People compendiums once. It was a lot of fun being given a blurry photo of some non-celebrity and a lead, then just making up stuff and using the word “fuck” a lot. You’d be surprised how difficult it actually is to write an article that appeals to social retards. Very challenging and a lot of fun. Doesn’t stop the actual magazines being piles of shit, though.

24 03 2010
kelly

Is it peer reviewed?

24 03 2010
kell

oh god! this is hardcore

24 03 2010
Ironhalo

Chubby: You don’t give the female sailors enough credit, having them on ships keeps the male population sane as they actually behave themselves. In saying that, a lot of sailors are really smart people, one of my male sailors was a bio-molecular chemistry major, one had retired with millions and wanted to do ‘something’ different.

Unfortunately, like all jobs, there is always a bogan hiding under the surface!

7 04 2010
Bogue

Oddly, this is EXACTLY what I envisaged an employee of Zoo Weekly would look like!

http://www.news.com.au/technology/lads-mag-editor-blows-whistle-on-video-games/story-e6frfro0-1225850507467?from=public_js

7 04 2010
Tombarina

Oh, Bogue, that is priceless.

Not only is Our Toby dipped in smarm, but he’s managed to use the word “journalist” in the same context as “Zoo Weekly”.

I expect he’ll soon pop up on Foreign Correspondent, covering burning issues like human trafficking, the corrupt military junta destroying Burma and “Empire: Total War (Gold Edition)”.

24 11 2010
Ash - Corporate Lawyer cum Lingerie Model

The thing that I hate most about Zoo Weekly is that bogans are happy to have a wank to some Lara Bingle image while the whole glorious world of internet pornography is out there.

24 11 2010
Tone

You don’t even need internet porn. There’s plenty of attractive women in real life, images of which that a man with even a small amount of imagination can store in the wank bank.

23 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

Alas, Tone, my memory is well and truly up poop creek after half a life of marijuana usage.

11 01 2011
Ashley

Umm people have forgotten that Picture magazine was around way before Zoo weekly and it’s still the best selling men’s magazine in Australia!

With regular columns like ‘my best fuck’ ‘my worst fuck’ ‘my lezzo fuck’ ‘my public fuck’ and of course ‘Home Girls’ where every bogan chick is considered a princess wearing the cheapest dodgiest made somewhere were there is a booming tourist sex trade in Asia and with obligatory reference to her breasts as fun bags and grope holders and her genitals as ‘smoo’ amongst other terms how could you not ignore it!

Also they used to have ‘home blokes’ where every bogan dude would send in a pic of himself in the buff for the ladies and it was a huge hit with the bogan chicks, sadly they editors of Picture decided the mag was a mens one first and foremost and the lady bogans would have to go without!

20 01 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Don’t forget the “premium” editions of Picture and People as well. Bigger, badder and pinker, used to be the claim to fame of one of the mags i think.

23 03 2011
fingers

It seems the people of Zoo magazine really took in your criticism and they’ve gotten rid of the “threesome” and added a more “professional” team with a sexologist, model, etc I find it absolutely hilarious that they really took it in and trying to make their magazine “less boganish”

20 07 2011
Pedro

Yeh but everyone’s had a read at some point or other yeh, bogan or not ;)

21 04 2012
Casper

I worked for ZOO for quite some time. We even got Double Downs DELIVERED prior to their unleashing on the cardiovasclar systems of bogans Australia-wide. We never mentioned either the Double Down or even KFC to my knowledge, which perhaps proves the bogan credentials of Yum!’s marketing team.

Anyhoo, I believe I have pointed out before TBL’s writing style has ‘economics gradute’ written all over it, and to that end you will perhaps appreciate the fact ZOO, launched not before the internet but somewhat before free porn wormed its way into the bogan subconscious, is put together by very talented people who are good enough at what they do to craft a product bogans will grasp at like a shiny thing to a retarded toddler. Week in, week out. Not unlike an accountant helping a boganette grasp why ‘interest free’ has a time limit and the related situation of her children having bowed legs from rickets and being released from her care.

You may ask: ‘Why don’t they work at National Geographic then if they’re so smart? Huh?’. Number one, everyone who read that read it in a bogan accent for a reason and number two, the best economist talent doesn’t always make it to Deloittes. Sometimes the worst do, and perch there like a gargoyle until alcoholism takes them out.

Ha, yes, agreed on pretty much all counts. TBL

29 04 2012
AlyssaKT

Candidate??
I approve :D

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