#58 – Hugh Hefner

6 01 2010

In your more private moments, you probably enjoy looking at some porn. The animalistic, overplayed instant gratification world of adult entertainment can be a (re)productive escape. The bogan is not like you. It wants to experience this world at all times. The internet has made porn footage easily accessible, but the bogan females wanted something more “tasteful” to communicate their raunchy life-vision at the shopping centre and the pub. As a result, they turned to the sexual fantasies of an 83 year old American man. Try to not vomit in your mouths as we explain how this is a manifestation of… feminism. Of all things.

There have long been two opposing camps in the feminist movement, one arguing that pornography was degrading, and one arguing that it advanced a woman’s freedom of expression and sexuality. Without being aware of this, the bogan female has decisively sided with the movement that best allows it to be crass. Some commentators have attempted to apply the lofty metaphor of women “repossessing the oppressive world of porn and making it their own”, but this gives too much credit to the thought process of the female bogan.

We already know that the bogan has a clumsy, manic sense of sexuality. It craves the ‘x-treme’, indulging it through faux-lesbianism, the use of expensive and brightly coloured props, the viewing of hardcore porn, or other gimmicks. The same primal appeal lies in the expansive, glittering faux-tough branding of “couture” clothing such as Ed Hardy. It has taken a rickety octogenarian to merge these two bogan loves, feeding smut and glitter into his finely tuned bogan and redneck merchandising machine, and miraculously churning out a feminist statement at the other end. The Playboy brand has transformed itself in the mind of the female bogan from ‘crude’ to ‘cheeky’, a delineation that the bogan has little grasp of.

Today, every second bogan female can be seen tottering around as walking billboards for Hefner’s concept of sexy. Playboy has created a wide range of mid-priced, prominently branded products for all facets of the female bogan’s life, and they have been purchased in abundance. A cover for her iPhone? Sure. A whale tail frame for her tramp stamp? Yep. In HER more private moments, she closes her eyes and imagines seductively feeding a cluster of Viagra tablets to Hugh Hefner in the playboy mansion, like a Roman peasant with a bunch of grapes for her emperor. A truly liberated feminist.


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121 responses

6 01 2010
FrancDux

Love it. This is new age feminism for the female bogan dullard.

6 01 2010
Bec

The book ‘Female Chauvinist Pigs’ is almost, in a way, a precursor to this blog. A definite handbook for maintenance and care of your fembogan.

6 01 2010
Kylie

I’d never thought of “Female Chauvinist Pigs” as a boguette guidebook but now that you mention it, you’re probably onto something. It’d be just like the female bogan to completely miss the point of it (if she’s read it at all) – as well as that great Erica Jong quote about not kidding ourselves that “raunch culture” is some form of feminist liberation

6 01 2010
Chris

Haha, brilliant.

6 01 2010
Linda

The femme bogue can be seen with playboy stickers on the back of her holden sedan and glittery playboy signia on her hot pink trackies.

6 01 2010
Lis

Linda, as soon as I read “hot pink trackies” I had a vision of French polished acrylic nails to go with them. It makes me shudder….

6 01 2010
Linda

also – don’t forget the dark chocolate coloured hair with caramel and platinum
foils to go with it.

6 01 2010
Beck

Yes! Or some tacky design or rhinestone painted or glued onto the tips of a vivid blue/black/red/magenta fingernail.

7 01 2010
Linda

YES! I know!

and they get all these nice nails painted and glued with Rhinestones but they won’t do a thing about the fact that their butt crack is hanging out of their playboy trackies.

6 01 2010
Shabadoo

Hey speaking of Ed Hardy, I was in Dan Murphy’s before Christmas and I noticed that he now has hios own brand of vodka out — at $80 a bottle! Just the thing for any haut-bogan’s home bar!

6 01 2010
berihebi

That L.A look is so…….naturally sexy and liberated.

6 01 2010
Peter

And once again on the subj. of E. Hardy, I was actually quite surprised to see a huge bogue sporting tribal tatts, wearing artfully ripped jeans and shod in lurid coloured Crocs wearing a tee shirt emblazoned with that creeps name the other day while waiting my turn at the Chatswood TRA office. I’d assumed, wrongly as it turns out, that much of your material is based on broad sweep generalizations. However to observe such a prime example of bogan manhood (complete with snarling expression on his fake tanned face) was at the same time enlightening, educational and revolting.

6 01 2010
Indi

It’s the spooky feeling that they might have seen this site and used it as a set of instructions. I saw a matched car full set in a hardware store carpark the other day each clutching a Boost juice and looking the worse for wear. Baby doll dresses, Paris Hilton hair, fake tan and big bad sunglasses for the shebogans and your described outfit for the males.

6 01 2010
M E Nelson Esq

The females you saw at the hardware store must be the ones that work in the same office building as me (thankfully not the same company!). That’s what bogans think is great about bogan fashion; it is both casual for the week-ends spent at the mall, and also suitablably formal enough and acceptable for either the office or going out to a nice restaurant.

6 01 2010
Indi

And suitable for all body types. I had a disturbing wait behind an all-female family, the O’Bogues, at a supermarket. From fifty to twelve, all wearing dresses at least twelve inches above the knee and bare shoulders. If you have a good carriage or a shapely body this is fine. If you are fifty and don’t give a shit cause it’s hot, that’s your choice. If you are a self-consciously over-weight pre-teen shoulders slumped into your chest and the four or five ‘waists’ visible from behind, it is not fine, and how much do you know to choose? I don’t need to tell you what was on the conveyor belt- a Chrisco follow up set.

6 01 2010
S-Man

I’m intrigued – what’s a Chrisco follow up set?

6 01 2010
Indi

More lemonade, heavily-salted snack treats and white bread, just without the Chriscobox.

6 01 2010
SNAP

For example, if you take the reasonable but not compelling story: “I got cut off in traffic this morning and when I honked the guy gave me the finger,” and replace it with: “I got cut off in traffic this morning by this guy in an Ed Hardy shirt. I honked and then he gave me the finger!” The story will become sixty percent more interesting to white people because it allows them to make a witty response like: “I guess that douche bag had to get to a UFC party or a nightclub event he was promoting.”

Follow this up with a laugh, a high five, and a compliment about the acceptable shirt the white person is wearing and you will find yourself with a new friend.

Quotes from Stuff White People Like really ought to be attributed to their source… – TBL

6 01 2010
Lexi

Don’t forget, they love watching the reality TV show based in his mansion, following the exploits of current and past bunnies, and talking about how hot the bunnies are. Puhlease.

Then there’s the ultimate bogan, one Richard Wilkins of Channel 9 fame (yes, the ultimate bogan channel), who, one morning on breakfast TV, toured Heffner’s mansion droolled on all the bunnies and lived out his ultimate bogan wet dream, all at a time while kiddies were eating their cocopops with the Today show on… Crass has a new name – “Wilkins”.

6 01 2010
np

Glad you mentioned the wilkins and Ch bogan – what is it with the dots’s faux-gayness, the pouting of wilkins with his yank “friend”, the molly stuff, the daryl secret and yet they present as homophobes, curious!

6 01 2010
Simon

On the thread of channel 9 I see Ch 7 are trying to catch up on the Bogan audience with Denyers new show – Blowing Shit up. (not the real name but this is what it means).

6 01 2010
Paddington

“Blowing Shit Up”: Oh, how laughed at this!

6 01 2010
Indi

Channel 9 is the ultimate CUB channel, but 10 remains the television-iest television there is. Endless re-runs of the Simpsons- like, how ironic- game-shows and loser news- at 5pm!

6 01 2010
Indi

So how many children are named after TV personalities. Kennelly and Wilkins- that is nice. Sommers and McManus, anyone spotted that – yet?

6 01 2010
Bec

And yet, ask the nouveau-bogue female if she is a feminist and she’ll look at you as though you asked her to give Kim Beazley a Brazilian wax. Because gosh, doncha know, she’s not a manhater! She shaves her legs! She doesn’t suffer from a victim complex (unless said complex is caused by that funny looking brown-skinned family across the road who are too intelligent and self-determined to live ‘the Australian way of life’, which is just dodgy bogan speak for ‘inability to not overcook red meat or drink yourself stupid’).

6 01 2010
shazza

Yes Bec, the same women who say, I’m not a feminist but…

6 01 2010
bec

Woe betide you if you suggest that they stop voting, quit their job, and turn over all property they own to their husbands/fathers…

6 01 2010
Paul Bogan

I interviewed Hugh Hefner a few years ago. He was really boring.
When I asked him about famous authors that were interviewed for
his magazine, he could only remember Ray Bradbury. I asked him
if Playboy would go hardcore all he said was ‘maybe’.

6 01 2010
Bec

They don’t even get the same great writers to do columns like they used to. I’m no huge fan of Norman Mailer, but he’s a damn sight better than Tucker Max or Joe Francis.

6 01 2010
shazza

I suspect years of indulgence have left a damaged cerebral cortex Paul Bogan. Once upon a time, perhaps, he wasn’t quite so dull. At least he knew how to throw a great party I suppose.

6 01 2010
amr

Whale tail.
The perfect description of the size of the suburban butts where I live…male and female.

On subject, I have seen Playboy tee’s for sale that would not fit a 12yo girl.

6 01 2010
Indi

They’re nice on a pre-teen.

6 01 2010
FT

I recently walked past a black Toyota hatchback in my local car park. It had hot pink Playboy bunny car seats in the front, a hot pink fluffy playboy bunny steering wheel cover, a playboy bunny dangly thing hanging from the rear vision mirror, and pink personalised plates that read something along the lines of “UBPRVN”. (For those less skilled in the art of interpreting ridiculously abbreviated personalised plates, this can be read as “You be pervin'”).

Needless to say, I was rather disgusted, and couldn’t quite decide whether to throw up, or simply key this femme-bogues car… so I settled for walking away and shaking my head in disbelief.

Anyway, now that I think about it, TBL, could bogans and personalised plates be the subject of a post sometime soon? I imagine it could lead to yet another page along the lines of “A bogue by any other name”, where your readers could contribute various ridiculous examples of personalised plates they have come across in their travels. PLEASE????????????

This is your lucky day! http://thingsboganslike.wordpress.com/2009/11/01/15-personalised-numberplates/ TBL

6 01 2010
FT

right… well, don’t I feel stupid for not checking the back catalogue of TBL posts before writing that!? I still think a dedicated page for contributions could be in order :)

6 01 2010
berihebi

I second that.

6 01 2010
Jodie

As I’ve mentioned, I live in a bogan suburb (the frustration from which is why I spend so much time unleashing vitriol here among you good folk) and one of my neighbours has a black Barina with a pink personalised plate reading “PRNCSS”. Frangipani stickers and sparkly Playboy motif on the back, natch. I believe she also has hot pink Betty Boop carseat covers. Seriously, the white-hot loathing which flows through me when I see the vapid bint driving her bogue-mobile could power a house.

6 01 2010
Indi

Make a film or write a play about it or you’ll just make yourself ill. All that energy you describe, is just going to waste (yours, I mean, though the same could be said of the object of your scorn).

The whole suburban princess thing is horrid, because it’s about ‘daddy’s little girl’ getting everything she wants- or else. The one thing I could think to say to a niece who kept declaring herself a princess that shut her up was- “What are you going to become?” Princesses of the story-book variety are in transition to maturity : not so your nemesis, I fear. Those of the real, historical variety were diplomatic window-dressing or hostages, or both. I guess the Brothers Grimm offer plenty of exampls of a sticky end for princesses, if you’re feeling dark.

6 01 2010
Bec

Have these people with the princess obsession ever read the original fairytales? Did they not see the shit that princesses had to put up with? Big time pass!

6 01 2010
berihebi

Is she worth rootin’ though?

6 01 2010
Indi

See below- most probably just for lookin’, not for cookin’.

6 01 2010
pinky has a brain

Jodie, your hilarious, keep it up!! I always look for your posts…

6 01 2010
Linda

Jodie – I went to the caribbean markets in wantirna(?) or it might be Boronia… and those cars were filling up the parking lot!

If anyone wants to watch a bogan in their own habitat – go to the Caribbean Markets on Sundays.

PRNCSS and CUPYCKE (cupcake), can anyone think of any other potential bogue licence plates?

6 01 2010
Indi

Scoresby. Oy gewalt. If it’s the site of the former Carribean Gardens. Many moons ago it was a water-skiing theme park. Up there with Kryal Castle as ur-bogan site.

6 01 2010
Linda

Ah Scoresby, that’s it!

6 01 2010
Jodie

I live in Baysie, you’re not far off.

9 01 2010
brad

you must meet me at the “dirty dorset” jodes my shout first ten minutes on the pokies

6 01 2010
Jodie

Interesting you should say that. I think the princess/damsel in distress motif works well as a metaphor for the aspirational she-bogue’s worldview/life plan. Meet some handsome, vapid, cashed-up stooge, pop out a couple of Brooklynnnes and Madycinns, get a Delfin McMansion and be kept in designer gear while co-existing in a completely loveless, appearance-based marriage.

Indi, you’re right about the wasted energy. Living in the ‘burbs is getting to me.

6 01 2010
Bec

But … Why? Isn’t that boring? Or isolating? What happens if their husband dies/becomes permanently disabled/leaves them? God how hideous.

6 01 2010
pinky has a brain

They just snag another one Bec, from RSVP hehehehe

6 01 2010
Bec

Bah. Say what you will, but there is something reassuringly secure about ones own income, superannuation, property, etc.

6 01 2010
Kylie

I remember thinking that when I was studying 19th century English history and got to the class about the “Angel in the Home”. Nice to see we’ve come so far.

6 01 2010
Lis

That reminds me – we need a post on Delfin McMansions! Those places freak me out. Some years ago I was driving through a prime example of suburban McMansion nightmare in NW Sydney for work purposes, and had to make my co-worker turn the car around and leave because I was getting claustrophobic.

6 01 2010
pinky has a brain

i second that!! Also we need a post on fantastic (read:craptastic) furniture…

6 01 2010
Linda

lol @ Lis. Yes those McMansions are getting a bit overgrown aren’t they? I much prefer the inner city 2 bedroom unit.

6 01 2010
Indi

You forgot the fairytale wedding, but.

That’s a bleak vision you have for the imaginative lives of these women, which makes ‘Shrek’ seem like a corrective. Although, releasing the inner ogress seems to come fairly naturally to some boganshees.

The ‘shit’ that Bec mentions princesses going through is sometimes just hierarchical, patriarchal and oppressive symbolism, but in your better fairy tale is about symbolic transformation from a shallow young person obsessed with appearances to an adult who knows themselves and the true worth of love. How that might happen to your least favourite ‘princess’ remains the question.

6 01 2010
Bec

You say ‘bleak’, I say ‘pragmatic’. Potato, potah-to. And there’s a reason why Bex were nicknamed ‘mummy’s little helper’…

6 01 2010
Indi

Yours, I heartily endorse, it was Jodie’s that needed some aeration to allow that very few people are that shallow. You have to work very hard at ignoring life, or be an heiress to think that will work.

6 01 2010
Jodie

I know, it’s vile isn’t it? I’m afraid I come over all judge-y when I think about people like that but I just….don’t get it.

6 01 2010
Bec

I wouldn’t describe it as vile, but I wouldn’t describe it as prudent either. There’s a reason why women (and especially elderly women) are the majority of people living below the poverty line. Unless you keep up with professional development or paid employment in some form you can go from comfortably well-off to totally skint if your husband is diagnosed with cancer or any other aggressive, disabling illness. Selling stuff on eBay or paid work from home is better than nothing. Contingency plans, ladies!

6 01 2010
Lexi

Actually, the Hooters chain is another beloved bogan hang out in the same vein… “Family restaurant”? Shebogans go there with their husbands/BFs… WTF? I guess the girls who work there think that they are liberated and this is just the first step on the road to the Playboy Mansion.

What I hate is that this playboy franchise has an effect on tweens and teens. Being pretty isn’t cool enough, they have to be considered sexy by their peers and wear trashy clothes and FM wrist bands. I sound like a prude, but really, could 9 year olds please wear little girl clothes instead of pint sized Supre style tart glad rags?

6 01 2010
Anonymous Bosch

“And they lived happily ever after…” remember? Bogan girls spend a large amount of their under-5’s childhood being baby-sat by Disney DVD’s.

I have a braindead bogan friend who I have to keep explaining the fact that a girl might have SuperCheapAuto PlayBoy Seatcovers, Tiny Hipster Shorts with Visible Tramp Stamp, and a Tiny midriff T proclaiming herself as a ‘Slut And Proud Of It’ but still have absolutely zero interest in sex at all, since it’s apparantly about ‘Owning One’s Sexuality’ / ‘Girlpower’ etc and any men responding in a sexual fashion to sexualised display are just sexist pigs.

6 01 2010
Bec

What did Paul Keating say on another post? It’s not even legitimately sexy stuff that appeals to them naturally (or, necessarily, the specific person they want to attract). It’s lazy, sleazy shorthand in place of genuine eroticism.

6 01 2010
Indi

Paris Hilton answering the phone in the middle of her ‘sex tape’ says most of it. Not that interested in actual sex or even a sensual person, but ‘sexy’ because that’s how you’re supposed to behave if you’re ‘hot’. (‘Why don;t they turn on the air-conditioner, or go for a swim?’, I keep asking myself.) Marianne Saggebracht is a more sensuous and erotic figure than Paris Hilton will ever be.

6 01 2010
Tone

*does GIS for Marianne Saggebracht*

I’ll be in my bunk.

6 01 2010
Indi

Try Bagdad Cafe for starters, or Sugar Baby. If you like big women with perfect skin, you could be there for some time.

6 01 2010
Jodie

Oh, is she the European lady who moves to to town and changes the Cafe? You are so right, she is HOT. I remember thinking how gorgeous her skin is.

7 01 2010
Indi

That’s her. Now if the Women’s Weekly put her on the cover . . .

6 01 2010
Anonymous Bosch

Ooh, great reference Tone!

6 01 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

But isn’t this the third wave of feminism?

My feminist wife shudders with disbelief and despair every time she sees this display and intrepretation – and i dont blame her.

6 01 2010
Bec

It has nothing to do with feminism and everything to do with exploiting the wallet. It’s empowerful- it has that shiny patina of appearing to be empowered while still being the same shitty old degradation.

6 01 2010
Kylie

I wouldn’t call it feminism. It’s a wave of something but not feminism. It’s some bullshit dressed up as feminism that’s been sold to young girls to do what, I’m not sure. Maybe to distract from the failures of the earlier waves of feminism, to sell us shit we don’t need like the aforementioned Playboy carseat covers and pole dancing lessons.

I can’t really answer or explain but, like your wife, I despair. I fear for the kids growing up in this culture.

6 01 2010
shazza

Not third wave, or any kind of thinking feminism west_m_a, I understand why you might think that however. In the same way some women like to enjoy the benefits feminism has eaned them while rubbishing the movement. Others like to denigrate themselves, and yet call it a feminist act because they do it of their own free choice.

6 01 2010
S-Man

I’m so confused. Yesterday I saw a not-inexpensive 4WD decorated with a combination of Southern Cross and Brisbane Grammar Rowing Club stickers. What does this say about its owners? Is there an effective cross-breeding program in place in Brisbane City?

6 01 2010
Indi

Faux-gans. Privately educated kiddies who pretend to be ‘of the people.’ You know who Barnaby Joyce is, and where he went to school- just another example of the same phenomenon.

6 01 2010
Bec

I always thought bogans preferred the Christian College-suffixed schools. Ya know. For the *values*.

6 01 2010
Indi

Oh these people aren’t actually bogans, but pretend to be. Quite common among the sporting types at private schools, and part of an old-fashioned skill set.

Think of John Elliot’s accent. Like Bob Hawke’s, it can scamper around class markers like a ferret down your trousers.

6 01 2010
Bec

But there is a difference between the fauxgan – who affects the oldschool bogan ways for attention or mocking -and the cashed-up nouveau-bogue who loves the racial and cultural homogeneity of the newly established fundamentalist school.

6 01 2010
Indi

S-man did mention rowing, and I assume BGS to be similar to its southern counterparts.

The fauxgans I know use the ‘bogan’ production to excuse their ignorance and lack of curiosity. Despite being offered every educational opportunity you refuse the challenges to your outlook and pretend it’s stupid, pretentious and un-Australian to think any other way. Just like a CUB, actually.

6 01 2010
Bec

But doesn’t that imply being a bogan? There are no class/religious/ethnic/income barriers. Some of the biggest legitimate CUBs I knew came from old money and sent their kids to schools like BGS.

6 01 2010
Indi

Yes. i have a friend who grew up in Liverpool NSW, but a more cultivated and cosmopolitan family and person you could not imagine. She is overjoyed that the term of abuse is now ‘bogan’ rather than ‘westie’. Freed of locality and class markers, we can recognise self-absorption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness know no boundaries. It’s about what you make of yourself, and the advantages or opportunities given to you, not where you came from.

6 01 2010
S-Man

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/opinion/beware-of-the-fauxgans/story-e6frezz0-1225718220538

This article explains a lot. Maybe I’m a Fauxgan. I have certain bogan tendencies, but am affronted by people who force upon me their form of sound and light pollution.

I always wondered about that “chick-chick boom” girl being labeled “Australia’s biggest bogan”. She never struck me as particularly bogan.

6 01 2010
Jodie

“She never struck me as particularly bogan.”

S Man, not having a go, but really? I mean REALLY?!

Ummm…

6 01 2010
S-Man

I kid you not Jodie. Granted I haven’t seen any of the follow-up interviews, but just from the infamous moment, she was wearing non-bogan attire, spoke without throwing in any bogan catch-phrases and is named Clare. If here name was Klaer or Clare-Rae I’d have to rethink.

7 01 2010
M E Nelson Esq

Perhaps with some Bogue Nouveau’s / CUB’s now sending their kids to good private schools, this is fuelling the Faux-gan phenomenon. Private schools are becoming the melting pot where there is a mixing of Bogue and non-Bogue cultures. Easily influenced teens either wanting to blend in, be like their mates or not come across ‘private school poofters’ have taken on a Faux-gan persona.

8 01 2010
Indi

Pre-dates this current wave by a long shot. Although, Warwick Capper went to an APS school . . . .

6 01 2010
Bec

My favourite is a ute I saw a while ago that had a southern cross decal AND a one of those ‘get rid of the gap’ (I.e. Reduce the life expectancy gap between Indigenous and non-Indigenous Australians. It did my head in right there.

6 01 2010
S-Man

Maybe they thought the gap was the monetary difference between what they take home a week in social security payments, and the average working man earns in a week.

6 01 2010
Indi

The Southern Cross is also the Eureka Flag, which has union associations. It could be reclaimed as a symbol.

6 01 2010
Bec

I like to think I have a shred of faith in humanity so I like your suggestion!

20 10 2010
Ash - Corporate Lawyer cum Lingerie Model

I’d hope so. I can’t afford to have the Swazi my so-called friends thought would be funny to get on my brown skin removed.

In fact, to hell with it, I’m gonna reclaim it myself.

7 01 2010
M E Nelson Esq

Maybe they though the gap was ‘The Gap’, the American clothing chain.

7 01 2010
Indi

Or the famous suicide spot at Watson’s Bay.

6 01 2010
Linda

Where is Fiona from Toorak? I miss her.

6 01 2010
Indi

Please tell me you’re joking. LOL- there, better?

6 01 2010
Bec

Ditto. Her satire sucks.

6 01 2010
Linda

Her sattire sucks. I like laughing at her!

6 01 2010
Indi

Phew

6 01 2010
Jodie

LOL, and white fake-crocodile skin shoes.

6 01 2010
shazza

I don’t believe she’s from Toorack. There I said it.

6 01 2010
shazza

Try Toorak – ahh for an edit function.

7 01 2010
Linda

She isn’t from Toorak. Her IP address gives away a more western suburb of Melbourne.

6 01 2010
Lis

You know Linda, I was wondering that myself this afternoon. But not because I missed her – because I had a warm glow resulting from a lack of LOLs.

6 01 2010
Linda

LOL.

there you go.

http://www.twitter.com/fiona_of_toorak

we can get a LOL. fix from there. She is alive apparently.

6 01 2010
Bec

Sweet Cthulhu. That site is where comedy goes to die.

6 01 2010
Andy

I thought Rove was where comedy went to die?

6 01 2010
bec

No, Rove is where comedy found out it had six months to live.

6 01 2010
Toony

Off topic, but following on from the personalised plates posts, I saw a car in Brisbane on Monday with Qld plates “FMYASS”.

Driven a by 60yo+ couple.
What are they trying to say? I only like it anally as I’m dry virginally?
Or are they from Yass?

This txt spk bggls my mind…

7 01 2010
Indi

Yeah, they own the FM radio station.

Or they are Big Ass Fans:

http://www.bigassfans.com/

Click if you dare.

6 01 2010
betterthantheoriginalwally
6 01 2010
berihebi

Hmmm, Heff still pulls 3 young women at a time and a hundred posts on a blog. You gotta hand it to him.

6 01 2010
Beck

Not to mention how many times he pulls himself.

7 01 2010
Indi

Are you sure they’re women? How can you tell?

6 01 2010
Robbie

thought I’d throw in some Bogan humour

7 01 2010
Jodie

Just saw a numberplate which read “PRECUS”. OH, PUKE.

8 01 2010
Indi

PUKE or VOMIT – Iwonder if VicRoads would allow. I aways though BORING would be a good numberplate. But I suppose irony is lost on the bogue.

8 01 2010
Jodie

True. I shit you not, just saw another one on a V8 with a tacky bodykit- TIRMIN.8. Wanker. When did deliberate misspelling replace wit?

8 01 2010
Indi

Some time ago, at the Vicroads counter, when the bogan realises some other fuckin’ batsard’s already thought of it, or its too rude.

I wait for PU55Y A55 and P3NIS to hove into view.

Did s/he have Arnie glasses?

7 01 2010
Alice

This is so true. Bogan ex-neighbour even has a tattoo of the Playboy Bunny on her wrist (and the Southern Cross on her ankle, of course!)

15 01 2010
A

I used to work with a lady who epitomised this Hugh Hefner loving ‘sexy bogan’ chic. She was the manager of a children’s retail store & wore Playboy accessories to work everyday, interesting combination.
Combined with her hairsprayed coiffed hair, orange make up – complete with makeup lines -, her playboy wallet, pink phone and pink Guess bag she had the look down pat. She even shortened her name to something slightly stripperish but apparently having a stripper name is cute!
To complete it she insisted that ‘presentated’ was a word – presented? never! – and would write signs and instructions to her employees telling them to make sure the store was ‘presentated’ before they left. The bogans who worked there didn’t have any idea that this wasn’t a real word and started saying it too.
Ugggh.

5 07 2011
Mr. Alexander Simon

THE QUARY OF LOVE!

“FIRE IS IN HER THIGH!”
I’M LONELY FOR HER SINGE!!”
WHY IS SHE UN-TRUE?”

“IS BEDLAM LIKE FRED ANGRY AT WILMA?’
IS BARNY NOT A HOME SINGING TO BETTY?
WELL, DINO IS LAPPING HIS BEST FRIEND;
AND HIS GRINNING.”
“AND BOSS HOGG IS ASKING FOR MORE OVER-TIME!;”
AND THAT-SABER-TOOTH TIGER IS DRINKING WARM MILK;
AND FANGS WET WITH FIGHT!; AND SHE’S WET FOR CUDDLE!;
AND IS SHE HAPPY TO BE WITH THE FLINSTONES!”

“THE BEDROCK “SWING-IS-THERE-ROCKIN;’
HAPPY DAYS ARE IN BEDROCK, AGAIN!;
BOSS HOGG IS GRINNING TOO … ;
FOR BETTY AND WILMA ARE LAUGHING AT,
BARNEY AND FRED LAUGHING; AND THE,
ROCK PILE IS INVESTED RICH WITH DIAMOND ROCK BLUE!”

THE HUDSON FOUR LEG-DRIVE;
MARILYN GEM IS DRIVING;
A NEW THUNDERING SKY BOULDER FROM,
WASHINTON LINCLOLN,
AND THAT SMARKY LION LIKE GER;’
IS BEAMING FOR ALL OF BED-ROCK ,TOP, CLAW;
AND FRED IS EATING THE BEST BRONTESAURIS,
BURGER IN HIS ROCKER LIVING (AND WITH HIS,
RED BABE DESIRE)! WHILE; BARNEY IS ALSO GRINNING;
BETTY IS HAPPY AS A LARK IN FIFTH AVE. AND GRANITE!”

WHILE STREETS ARE ASKING:
IS, AND ARE THE FLINSTONES AND THE RUBBLES;
HAPPY; ALONE;
WE’LL, THE, TABLE OR ROCK IS YES!”

14 06 2013
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