If there’s one thing a bogan enjoys more than arbitrary thievery, it’s arbitrary violence. Driven by an ongoing quest to reinforce its place at the top of the food chain, the bogan likes killing things. This may include a variety of manifestations such as hunting, fighting, bashing, whaling and talking about joining the army and war. In fact, any vulgar display of power over another creature or human is much loved by the bogan.
While human evolution is characterised by a number of important morphological, developmental and psychological changes, the bogan adamantly clings onto its primordial urge to kill. To further its bloodlust, the bogan will also own ferocious pets such as Rottweilers (Rotties), Pit-bulls, Bull Arabs and Staffordshire Terriers (Staffies) that are trained to maim pesky neighbours, stray cats or Asians. Not satisfied with making itself huge, the bogan will turn its attention to the family dog. It is overfed, overwalked and has its own, massive tub of canine protein powder. During walks in the park, the intimidating beast will usually harass unsuspecting passers-by and their pets by barking loudly and behaving aggressively, starkly reminiscent of its owner.
After a long day at the office/other place of work, the bogan likes to come home and unwind with a session of Grand Theft Auto- not completing missions but merely engaging in acts of arbitrary theft and mindless violence, using the cheat codes. Alternatively, it may choose to place itself in front of the television in order to enjoy shows revolving around random violence, such as Destroyed in Seconds or Air Crash Investigation, and make puzzling indictments about the story line.
This love of televisual violence is nurtured at a very young age, via the PG-rated, can’t-watch-but-can’t-look-away, oh-look-that-guy-just-fell-face-first-on-a-rake, montage of domestic injury known colloquially as Funniest Home Videos. Thus, unlike other placental mammals, the bogan’s evolution seems strangely prolonged.